Archive of Our Own

Shadow Milk laid in bed with Pure Vanilla; they'd been laying together for a while. While his Silly Vanilly was fast asleep, Shadow Milk couldn't seem to quiet him brain down enough to fall asleep. He wanted sleep, he really did but sleep just did not want him. Shadow Milk sighed softly, wiggling his way out of Pure Vanilla's arms, the blonde stayed knocked out even at the loss of his cold other half. Shadow Milk started to notice how they balanced each other out more often than not. Shadow Milk was always cold while Pure Vanilla was a cookie heater. Shadow Milk couldn't have more energy normally and Pure Vanilla was always calm- or always kept a calm-er façade. Shadow Milk always seemed cold and distant while Pure Vanilla always seemed so welcoming. Polar opposites, some might saw. Not meant for each other, if you will. Shadow Milk preferred the term, "even each other out" and Pure Vanilla never thought about it. All Pure Vanilla knew was that he loved Shadow Milk and would wait until his hair was white and falling out until the blueberry cookie was comfortable to say it back.

Shadow Milk looked at the blonde's sleeping face- so peaceful, he thought. He moved his legs to sit crisscrossed on the edge of the bed, gently taking a chunk of Pure Vanilla's hand into his left hand. His hair was so soft and all he really did was rinse it with water and occasionally use shampoo and conditioner of Shadow Milk yelled at him for it. His face was always so clear, and he never used any product to keep it that way. Once again, he just rinsed it with water. For a once mortal cookie, Pure Vanilla was as perfect as a immortal that's been immortal since they were baked. Like Shadow Milk. Of course, he's perfect- upon first glance. Or was, at least. If a cookie were to look at him, they'd probably flee. If a cookie saw Fount they'd stare in amazement at his glowing, stary hair before running up to him and start asking questions. All of the Virtues were baked with perfectly smooth skin, perfect hair, gorgeous eyes. Everything about them was perfect. Except their mental states. None of them regretted corrupting, not now, not even Silent Salt. Corrupting just let them feel something other than stress for once. All of their duties, everything that they had to do endlessly every day took a toll on them and they were just tired of it all. So, they took those perfect bodies and made them un-perfect. They scarred them up. They changed their hair. Sugar changed how her wings looked. They changed their entire appearances, scrapping what The Witches had gave them. Why should they have kept them if The Witches made them suffer so much?

Pure Vanilla, on the other hand, looks like he's always been perfect. He doesn't scare anyone like Shadow Milk does. Cookies always come up to him willingly, talking to him for long periods of time, so smoothly, as if they'd known him for years before finally leaving. Actually, Shadow Milk takes it back, Pure Vanilla doesn't seem as perfect as an immortal baked cookie. He is as perfect as an immortal baked cookie.

A strange itch in the back of Shadow Milk's brain stopped him from thinking about how perfect his Nilly is. Shadow Milk groaned, dropping Pure Vanilla's hair before digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. It'd been like this all night. A small thought trying to bloom into something important as he slept. It was keeping him awake. It was getting increasingly annoying as Shadow Milk tried to ignore it more and more. But the second he tried to acknowledge it, the small thought went away. Like it never existed.

Shadow Milk fell back onto the bed, sliding back under the covers and into Pure Vanilla's arms. He closed his eyes, one more try, he thought, please.

Shadow Milk opened his eyes; he was still in bed. The fogginess clouding thoughts told him he'd eventually fallen asleep. Though, he was cold, meaning Pure Vanilla had already left. The blueberry Cookie sat up, rubbing his eyes with a yawn. His arms stretched over his head, his right eyes peaked open, then both eyes snapped open in shock. The was not the room he fell asleep in. This was his room back in the Spire. Not the Spire of Deceit, the Spire of Knowledge.

The walls were a dark blue, and the floor was a milky white. His white framed canopy bed with blue covers, white sheets and pillows was where he woke up. Not Pure Vanilla's normal king-sized bed with white and light yellow. The mahogany closet was across from his bed and to the left a little, his staff leaning on the right side of it with his Soul Jam staring back at him. His desk that he put in his room for convince purposes only sat pressed against the wall to the right side of his bed, right next to the door to leave his room. The door to the bathroom connected to his bedroom was right next to his bed, on the same wall. It was on his right side, closed just like he always had it when he left.

It was all too familiar for his liking.

Shadow Milk jumped out of bed, his weak feet hitting the ground with a loud thud, making him stumble. He took a moment to regain his balance before running to the bathroom, slamming the door open and rushing to the mirror. He ignored the eerily familiarity of it all as he looked at his reflection. He had the same glowing blue, stary hair. The scar on his eye was back on his forehead. Shadow Milk was no longer Shadow Milk. Shadow Milk was the Fount of Knowledge once more. He grit his teeth, raising his fist up and smashing it against the mirror. The glass shattered, ricochetting on his face and landing on the ground, landing in his hair, in the sink, on the sink. The glass scratched his cheeks and a bit under his eyes as they teared up. He was past this.

If this is some dumb joke, He thought.

He walked out of bathroom, leaving the light on, the glass on the ground and the door open. He rolled his sleeves up, even his scars from in the Vanilla Castle were gone. Not even the ones from when he was Fount were there. His arms were completely, utterly, sickenily bare. More tears welled up in his eyes, why was he here? What was going on? He wiped his eyes, picking up a scroll and quill from his desk and writing a letter to Sugar. He tried to hold his tears back- he didn't need Milk Crowns everywhere. 

Sugar,

Are you here to? I know this will sound strange, but I'm now supposed to be here. My name is Shadow Milk Cooke and yours is Eternal Sugar Cookie. We changed, to put it lightly, and we're no longer Virtues. We're no longer bound by the stress. I can't explain it but I'm back for some reason. I don't want to be back, Sugar. Please answer, I need help. I think I'll lose my mind if this keeps happening. If I change again, go back to my original timeline only to be dragged back here. It is a possibility, though unlikely. But Sugar, I can't do that. I have someone who loves me in the future, and so do you. We both found someone, Sugar. They love us so much and I just need to get back. I can't go through this repeated process of meeting them only to have them forget me if I have to keep coming back here. Please, I need your help.

Fount of

Shadow Milk Cookie

Shadow Milk gagged as he almost wrote his old title. He chalked it up to habit as he waved on the ink to make it dry faster, folded it, wrote Sugar's name on it and sent it via portal. He needed it there as soon as possible, that meant not waiting. He sighed as he looked back at his closet and staff. He clenched his fists as he walked towards the closet, opening the doors and grabbing one of seven of his robes. If he was to be here, then he was going to find out why. And to do that he needed to play his part.

Fount was dragged to the front of the Spire by a smaller cookie yelling at him about being late for answering cookie's questions. Huh, he remembered this, just not when. He also forgot how much worse it was. It took over ounce of strength in his dough to not yell at every cookie with a stupid question. And he wasn't very physically strong and there was a long of stupid questions. Once he was finally finished, he rushed back into the Spire and to the library. He began searching for anything and everything on time travel, which wasn't much considering Earthbread wasn't that old yet. He groaned as he held four small books in his arms and one scroll. Compared to other subjects in the library, this was one small grain of sand in a desert.

He wasn't even halfway through the scroll- dying of boredom. How did he used to do this for hours on end? Words began to jumble together, he'd start reading with his eyes and not his brain, therefore not taking in any information or not understanding it. Fount groaned loudly, slamming his head down on his scroll- hitting the table too. Why was this so hard?

"Fount?" A voice asked- it felt all too familiar. Fount slowly lifted his head, his eyes widening at the short cookie with bandages over his eyes and around the sunflower on top of his staff.

Healer Cookie.

Fount held back his tears. Why, of all cookies, did Healer Cookie have to be here? Shadow Milk spent so long trying to forget him. Trying to forget the time they spent together. Try to forget what-

"Fount? You're uh- you're bleeding." Healer pointed to his forehead. Fount sat up, putting a hand to his forehead. When he retracted his hand and looked at it, there was in fact jam on it.

"Huh." Fount said softly, "It seems I am."

Healer walked forward, moving to sit next to Fount. He cupped the blueberry cookie's cheeks and inspected the wound. It wasn't deep- it wasn't even a cut. It was just a scrape that just so happen to bleed from hitting the table as hard as he did. "I wish you wouldn't hurt yourself as much." Healer frowned, putting his left hand on the scrape and healing it before putting both his hands in his lap.

"Uh- sorry?" Fount responded, staring at Healer with wide eyes.

"It's ok. What are you studying?" Healer looked at the scroll and books.

"Oh, time travel." Fount turned as well but still glanced at Healer. His heart hurt. Why him. He did so good at burying the memory that he'd forgotten what he looked like. Now that he was back, he remembered. And as cruel as it is, Healer looked a little like Pure Vanilla. The same blonde hair, the same clear dough. The same concerned face with the scrunching between his eyebrows. Fount would bet his Soul Jam he had the same smile.

"There's not much is there?" Healer joked, chuckling a bit. Called it. Same smile and same laugh.

"Yeah, no, there isn't much. Not much to go back on, really." Fount looked down at Healer. Oh, Witches, he'd even forgot how much shorter he was. And Fount was the short Virtue. Pure Vanilla definitely grew a couple feet since his light show.

Healer turned back, smiling, "Sorry I wasn't there this morning, Black Raisian needed me back in the village." Healer explained, making Fount’s heart drop. They shared a room? He wasn't going to be able to survive this.

"Ah! Don't apologize, it's alright, Healer. I didn't mind." Fount responded nervously.

Healer cocked his head to the side, "Is something wrong? You usually call me 'sunflower?'"

Fount mentally cursed himself, "Oh, no, no, you didn't do anything wrong, sunflower. I'm just a bit er- tired! Yes, tired and hunger! Have you eaten today?" Fount quickly stood, why was he so nervous? Healer gave him a confused look as he stood as well.

"No, I haven't yet. But, Fount, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Healer took Fount’s hand in his. It was sickenily warm. The only hand he should be holding is Pure Vanilla Cookie's, not Healer Cookie's.

Fount stared down at their hands, his stomach felt sick, “Yes, I know, sunflower. I promise nothing’s wrong.” He stated calmly, Healer began to rub the back of Fount’s hand with his thumb.

”If you’re sure.” Healer smiled softly, but it also looked a bit concerned, “Should we go to the kitchen now?”

”Yes, of course.” Fount forced a small smile onto his face, walking with Healer towards the door.

The whole walk to the kitchen Fount was silent, letting Healer talk about whatever. He really didn’t have much to add. He was still pondering how to get back to Pure Vanilla and how he got here in the first place. Why he was here. Why Healer Cookie was here.

“Fount?” Healer asked, snapping him from his thoughts.

”Ah! Yes, sunflower?” Fount looked back at Healer.

”You’re scowling. Are you absolutely positive you’re alright?” Healer frowned at Fount, making his heart hurt. Probably old emotions resurfacing for his old lover. Fount clenched his hand that was around his staff. He just wanted to forget Healer. After what happened to him he never even wanted to hear the name Healer Cookie again. He was furious at himself for not being able to help- not being able to save him like he should’ve.

If he was being given another chance then he didn’t want it. He didn’t know how to save Healer Cookie. He’d replayed the scene over and over and over again just after it happened and despite having all the knowledge on Earthbread he just couldn’t think of another outcome. He didn’t want to have to see it again. He also didn’t want to leave Pure Vanilla alone, even if he’d never meet him now. Shadow Milk would make sure they’d meet. Even if it killed him.

”Fount?” Healer asked again, he was no longer walking which also stopped Fount since they were holding hands, “You’re zoning out. Please tell me what’s wrong.” Healer let go of Fount’s hand and cupped his cheek instead. Fount let it happen as he stared down at Healer’s face.

”I’m sorry, sunflower.” Fount leaned his forehead onto Healer’s, “I don’t know what’s wrong, I think I’m just tired.” Lies, Fount knew exactly what was wrong.

”Do you want to go back to our room and sleep instead?” Healer asked, pressing his forehead closer to Fount’s.

”No, you haven’t eaten either. I’ll be alright.” Fount pulled his forehead away from Healer’s, “I promise, I’ll be alright.”

Healer frowned, “Alright.” Healer spoke softly, sliding his hand back into Fount’s before continuing their walk. The two stayed silent the rest of their walk, when they reached the kitchen Fount glared at it. He hated how familiar everything was. Fount went to start making food for them as Healer sat on a counter, his feet swinging idly.

Fount didn’t know what to make, with a small sigh he turned on his heel to Healer, “What would you like?”

”Whatever you want is fine.” Healer replied with a small smile. Fount internally groaned, turning back to the counter. Ok, that didn’t help. Fount grabbed two bowls from the cabinet above him, opened a small portal to his other dimension and summoned oatmeal from it. It fell from the portal and into the bowls from a small, light brown waterfall. When the bowls were full the portal closed and Fount grabbed two spoons. He let out a breath of air before turning back to Healer, handing him a bowl. 

Healer gave him a small “thank you” before beginning to eat. The kitchen was silent, the two eating without conversation. Fount didn’t remember it being this awkward before. Maybe it was his fault, he didn’t play his part well. Not like it’s his fault, he never even wanted this role. Why would he want to be back in this role where he was always so miserable?

Fount sighed louder than he wanted to, making Healer look over at him, “Is something wrong?”

"I broke the bathroom mirror." Fount answered plainly, "Just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I guess."

"What?" Healer turned on the countertop to face Fount completely, "Did you get hurt?"

"No, I'm fine. Can't say the same for the mirror." Fount snickered, "Just stay out of the bathroom until I clean the glass up."

"Uh- ok." Healer scooched closer, swinging his legs back over the side of the counter and leaning his head on top of Fount's, "You know I love you, right?" Healer whispered so even if there was someone else in the kitchen with them- which there wasn't -only Fount would be able to hear him. Fount's grip tightened on his spoon; he did not want to hear this from him of all people. And he definitely didn't want to say it back to him. But if he didn't, he wouldn't be playing his role well, would he?

"I love you too, sunflower." Fount answered, leaning towards Healer. Each word felt like a stab to his own heart. Now what would Pure Vanilla think about this?

Healer ended up washing their dishes once they were done. Fount would've offered to help but it was oatmeal, the texture would've been weird as soon as water hit it. So, Fount let Healer do the dishes before they went to their room. While Healer took his bandages off (revealing his eyes that looked exactly like Pure Vanilla's that it was sickening), Fount cleaned up the glass. He faintly remembered this; he kept a shard and hid it in his desk. After the... Incident, he'd cut for the first time. Not long after he corrupted into Shadow Milk. If he was going to be here, if he was going to get back to Pure Vanilla, he had to repeat his steps. Probably. Fount put all but one shard of glass into a bag and tossed it into a portal that led to the Spire's waste removal room. He hid the shard in his right hand that was hidden by his comically huge sleeve. He slipped out of the bathroom with Healer's back turned, quickly placing the shard in one of the top drawers.

Healer turned at the sound of the drawer closing, his vision was blurry without his staff so he couldn't see what Fount was doing, only that he was out of the bathroom. "Ready?" Healer smiled, nodding towards the bed.

"Almost, the glass is all cleaned up." Almost all of it. "Just let me get changed, you can lie down if you'd like." Fount quickly stepped to his closet, opened the doors and grabbing his nightgown he woke up in and walking back towards the bathroom before Healer could say anything. Fount let out a sigh of relief, finally a moment alone. He hadn't had time to himself all day besides the library. First answering ignorant cookies questions, then Healer Cookie showing up. Still, he couldn't stay in here for long or Healer would start to worry. He quickly got changer, shedding his robes and putting on his new ones. Luckily for him the mirror was gone now, and he didn't have to see his old body anymore.

Fount sighed again before stepping out of the bathroom, tossing his robes on the ground next to his closet, the opposite side his staff was leaning on, "I'm ready now."

Healer gave him a small smile before sliding into bed, his back to Fount. Right, Fount thought while staring at Healer's back, he used to be the big spoon. Fount slid behind Healer, wrapping his arms around his waist before pulling him closer. Fount put his chin on top of Healer's head and closed his eyes. He listened to Healer's breathing for a while before closing his own eyes and drifting off.

Shadow Milk just had the worst sleep of his life. Zero out of ten.

When he woke up, he expected to be Fount again with the shorter cookie sleeping in front of him. But no, he was Shadow Milk again and he was the shorter cookie in front of the taller cookie known as Pure Vanilla Cookie. He felt like crying out of pure joy. He immediately zipped out of bed, rushing to Pure Vanilla's closet and putting half of his wardrobe on. He wanted to drown in his scent. Pure Vanilla woke up to Shadow Milk sitting on the floor, in a cocoon of Pure Vanilla's robes, sweaters, shirts, even his underwear. He chuckled about it at first before asking why he was drowning himself in his "sickeningly bright robes?" Shadow Milk refuses to say anything, only glaring at his other half, making Pure Vanilla's eyebrows scrunch in concern. The blonde moved to the ground with Shadow Milk, lying on the ground next to him with his elbow propped up on the floor and his cheek in his palm.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Pure Vanilla asked, leaving space between them so Shadow Milk could come out if he wanted too. Shadow Milk looked away from the blonde- or his eyes did. There was a hole for his face to be shown but at the moment it was just a dark space with all of Shadow Milk's eyes instead of his face being shown. "Ok, blink once for yes and two for no. Is that ok?"

Shadow Milk blinked once, still looking away. "Ok, did you have a nightmare?" Pure Vanilla asked again. Shadow Milk blinked again, making Pure Vanilla frown a bit. "Do you want to talk about it?" Two blinks. "Would you be willing to talk about it later?" Three blinks. "Is that a maybe?" One blink. "Ok, will you come out for breakfast? I'll let you wear one of my sweaters or shirts or whatever of mine you'd like."

Shadow Milk's eyes looked back at Pure Vanilla, a small tear forming at the edge as he blinked once before slowly sliding out of the cocoon like smoke pouring out the window of a burning building. The blueberry cookie slid into Pure Vanilla's arms, hugging his tightly, he would've broken ribs if he didn't know any better. Pure Vanilla slowly hugged him back, "Can we have anything but oatmeal?" Shadow Milk muttered.

"Of course, whatever makes you feel better." Pure Vanilla responded, kissing the top of his head.

Shadow Milk and Pure Vanilla ended up eating in bed together, Shadow Milk sitting in Pure Vanilla's lap as he ate and occasionally fed Pure Vanilla. Afterwards Shadow Milk took the longest bath of his life in the bathroom that was connected to Pure Vanilla's room. Pure Vanilla came in at one point to help him wash his hair but left the bathroom after that. Shadow Milk put his regular bodysuit on, leaving his ruffled collar off so he could easily put on one of Pure Vanilla's thick, baggy, light yellow (of course it's light yellow, right?) grandpa sweaters. The sleeves covered his hands, but he wasn't complaining. It smelt like Pure Vanilla and that's exactly what he needed right now.

Shadow Milk spent all day following Pure Vanilla around, not that it was an unfamiliar thing to see but what was uncommon was to see Shadow Milk one, without his ruffled collar, two, without his Soul Jam, three, wearing one of Pure Vanilla's sweaters. They were not defeating the dating allegations coming from anyone who was unaware. Not that Pure Vanilla was bothered by it, whatever made his bluebird happy. While Shadow Milk looked calm all day while clinging onto Pure Vanilla, he certainly wasn't. All day he was thinking about his stupid nightmare. How he was back. Why he was back. Why Healer had to be there. He kept replaying the dream over any over in his mind, specially anything Healer looked at him or said his name. He scowled at himself without noticing. Why was he thinking so much into one dream. He knew thinking about Healer's face until he reopened an old wound. Healer running to the Spire, being followed by cookies that were furious at him for Witches knew why. Healer was yelling for him- sobbing as he was pulled down to the ground. 

The jam.

The.

Jam. 

Shadow Milk gasped, floating away from Pure Vanilla with wide eyes. The blonde turned to face him, "Bluebird?" he asked, taking a step towards him. Shadow Milk began to tear up. He never wanted to remember how he failed his first love. He was such a coward- he saw it all from the tallest balcony in the Spire. He wouldn't be surprised if Healer saw him too. If only he did something more to help, Healer might still be here. Sure, he might've crumbled years later but at least he could've had a peaceful ending and not one of torture and pain.

"Bluebird." Pure Vanilla spoke again, "Please say something."

"Nilly- Can we go back to the room?" Shadow Milk asked, closing his eyes and wiping them at the same time. Pure Vanilla pulled him closer by his hand and held him close to his chest.

"Of course we can, Bluebird." Pure Vanilla responded, rubbing Shadow Milk's hair to try and sooth him.

Shadow Milk wrapped himself in the blankets as soon as they got back, staring at the mattress with dull eyes. How long would he take to repress the memory this time?

"I made you some tea." Pure Vanilla moved some of the blankets to the side to hand Shadow Milk a mug of tea, "Can I know what happened?"

Shadow Milk stared down at the glass, "Old memories." he answered simply before taking a long sip of his tea.

Pure Vanilla gave him a concerned look, "About what?"

Shadow Milk pulled his mug away from his lips, tearing up again, "Someone I cared about a lot that's dead. It happened when I was Fount, so it was a while ago. I thought I'd repressed it enough but nooooooo~." Shadow Milk rolled his teary eyes.

"Wait, repressed? Bluebird, you haven't grieved this cookie yet?" Pure Vanilla asked, scooting closer to his bluebird.

"No? It hurt too much. We-" He hesitated, choking on his next words, "We were very close."

"Bluebird, you might've had this nightmare because you haven't grieved them yet. Your brain might want you to grief so it's trying to force you by resurfacing old memories to make you face them." Pure Vanilla slid his hand under the blanket to gently grab Shadow Milk’s.

Shadow Milk glared at his mug, “Just give me two week, I’ll forget aaaall about it again.”

”Shadow Milk.” Pure Vanilla squeezed his hand, “Please, I don’t want you to just push it down and have another nightmare.”

Shadow Milk groaned softly, squeezing his hand back, “Ok, ok, fine. I’ll- try.”

Pure Vanilla smiled softly, “That’s all I ask. Shadow Milk opened his blanket for Pure Vanilla to snuggle with him. Pure Vanilla’s smile grew as he laid his head on Shadow Milk’s stomach, wrapping his arms around his waist. Shadow Milk wrapped his arms around Pure Vanilla’s neck and his legs around his waist, he wrapped the blanket back around them too. Shadow Milk put his mug on the nightstand and slid down further on the bed so the two were lying down together.

”Mmmm, I love you, Bluebird.” Pure Vanilla murmured, kissing his stomach.

”Shut up, idiot.” Shadow Milk rolled his eyes, running his hand through Pure Vanilla’s hair.

”Aww, is someone cranky? Is it nap time?” Pure Vanilla teased, continued to kiss his stomach.

”Nilly!” Shadow Milk laughed, holding the blonde’s cheeks to he would stop, “I’m not a baby dough!”

“Are you sure?” Pure Vanilla said with squeezed cheeks, “I’d be more than willing to take a nap with you if you need me too.”

Shadow Milk scoffed, faking annoyance as he let go of Pure Vanilla’s face, “Ok, fine. You’re not allowed to leave without my say so.”

”When am I ever?” Pure Vanilla joked, resting his head back of Shadow Milk’s stomach.

”Hey!” Shadow Milk kicked Pure Vanilla’s but, “I wasn’t that bad!”

”You threw my friends off a tower.” Pure Vanilla countered.

”Ok, but can you blame me? You were fine then and you’re fine now.” Shadow Milk smirked, a small blush dusting his cheeks.

”Well if I’d known that then I wouldn’t have fought so much.” Pure Vanilla snickered his cheeks darkening a bit too.

”Leave the lies to me, you silly Vanilly.” Shadow Milk poked his nose, taking the blanket off his shoulders and draping it over Pure Vanilla. The blonde snickered, closing his eyes.

Shadow Milk watched him fall asleep before muttering, “I love you too.” 

Fount opened his eyes, miserably. Ok, two of the same dreams in a row. Lovely. Why do his emotions toy with him like this? He slowly sat up, rubbing the left side of his face. He looked down at his side to see Healer Cookie sleeping peacefully. His chest was rising and falling slowly. Was he only going to come back here when he slept? And then go back to Pure Vanilla when he woke up? Maybe he should just never go back to sleep again once he gets back to the Vanilla Kingdom. But then he’d worry his beloved Nilly and who’d want to worry a perfect cookie?

Fount sighed softly, hopping out of bed with a soft thud when his feet hit the floor. He looked back at Healer before looking at his desk. Did he really still need the glass? Was he really going to be forced to witness that again? Fount groaned softly, rolling his head as he walked to his closet. Of course he would. He opened the door as quietly as he could, picking out one of his clean robes just like he did the night before and going to the bathroom to get changed. Just like the night before. He walked out, putting his nightgown on top of his desk before turning back to the bathroom to brush his hair.

”Mmmmm,” He heard a murmur from the bed followed by a small creak, “Fount? Are you still in here?” Fount glared at the empty space where the mirror used to be as Healer called out to him.

"In the bathroom, sunflower.” Fount called back, continuing to brush his hair. His glare dropped almost immediately.

"Is everything alright?" Healer asked, walking into the doorway.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Fount looked over, his glow-y hair over his shoulder so he could brush it easier.

"You're usually not up before me." Healer glanced down at Fount's hair- not that he could see it very well without his staff, "Does that hurt?"

Fount blinked at Healer. Of course, it hurt, his hair was much more sensitive than the average cookie's. It bothered him at first but overtime he just got used to it? Any pesky knots he couldn't get out he'd rip his brush through until his hair was making his brush glow from so much getting stuck in it before using his hands instead. "Uh- not really, I guess. I guess I'm used to it?" Fount responded, glancing away.

"Would you like me to do it?" Healer offered, "No cookie should be used to pain, even you." Healer stepped forward, holding his hand out for the brush. Fount's eyes widened at his outstretched hand.

An outstretched hand. Pure Vanilla. Getting over this grief for Pure Vanilla. Because Pure Vanilla doesn't want him to suffer anymore.

Fount closed his eyes, handing his brush to Healer before immediately turning his back to him, "Try to do it quickly. I don't want to be late." The words burned like acid on his tongue.

"Of course." Healer picked his Fount's perfect hair, brushing it gently as he could. It made Fount sick. It was clean why he fell for this simple healer back then; he treated him like an actual cookie and not a machine. But so did Pure Vanilla. Pure Vanilla didn't treat Shadow Milk like a monster. Same story, different roles. Except one of a pair of the actors have crumbled, and the other corrupted. Leaving a patch of Milk Crowns- probably crushed Milk Crowns considering the current state of the Spire -and a Beast cookie in their wake.

Fount glared at the bathtub in front of him, it was big enough for two. It was like that before he even met Healer Cookie. Fount remembered all the times he imagined taking a bath, falling asleep to his scented candles, the silence of the room, sliding under the water and never waking up under the water. Nine times, actually. He imagined his own crumbling quite a bit, actually. Depending on his mood and where he was. Had a bad day? Was in the kitchen? He would stare at the kitchen knives and imagined them being dragged across his wrist where his veins were or stabbing between his eyes. Sometimes Healer noticed but a lot of the times he didn't. That might've been the first time Fount lied to another cookie- by telling Healer he wasn't going to harm himself or wasn't thinking of it when in fact, he was. Well, he never acted upon anything until after the... Incident. But he daydreamed a lot. And he was immortal so he couldn't die, no matter how much he wanted to. Fount would even try to find spells to turn him mortal when Healer wasn't around when he was extra miserable. He never found any, obviously, but he found quite a bit of theories on how to become immortal. Pitiful fools. Why subject yourself to such torture you can never escape?

"Done." Healer placed the brush back down on the sink, releasing Fount's hair from his hold.

"Oh- thank you, sunflower." Fount turned.

"You're welcome." Healer smiled, "Can I asked you something?"

Fount's breath caught in his throat, "Of course, I am the Fount of Knowledge, after all." A hint of sarcasm tainted his tone.

"Oh, no, no, I didn't mean it like that. I mean- Would you mind if I can with you while you answered questions? I have nothing more to do and Black Raisian said she shouldn't need me back until the day after tomorrow unless it's an emergency." Healer explained, a sheepish look on his face.

Fount swore his heart stopped. He wished he hadn't remembered.

He let Healer come with him.

The screams.

Cookies gave him strange looks- the both of them.

The jam.

They got annoyed when the two spoke amongst each other, distracting Fount from his duty.

WHY COULDN'T YOU GET UP, FOUNT?

Oh- his Soul Jam is active again. He glanced at his staff that stared at his from it place against his closet. He quickly snapped his head away from it, looking back at Healer. If he was going to get over this, he had to just let it happen. And grief it like a normal cookie. "Ah- if you'd like, sunflower. I wouldn't want you to be bored all day." Fount forced a smile, walking past Healer and out of the bathroom.

It's inevitable. He thought, picking his staff up, just let it happen.

Healer stood next to Fount the entire time he answered questions, a goofy grin on his face. Fount couldn't tell if he was more nervous now or when it first happened. Most likely now, when he knows what's to come and is absolutely dreading it. At least back then he had no idea what was going to happen and could have a decent time with Healer. Ignorance is bliss, is it not?

When cookies came up to him for their turn, they glanced at Healer, dressed in his shaggy brown robes and bandages over his eyes before looking away and asking their question. Some looked at Healer, then looked at Fount with a raised eyebrow as if to say "really?" before asking their question. If Healer giggled at a stupid question after the cookie had left and mentioned it to Fount, the blueberry cookie tried to contain his giggles but, inevitably, he couldn't. Don't try to stop it, Fount, it won't work. When he couldn't stop laughing for a prolonged time at a stupid joke that wasn't even that funny but just made his laugh, cookies got annoyed with him and Healer. More Healer for distracting Fount. The moment Fount noticed this he tried to suppress his laughter again but that only made it worse, the joke would still be in the back of his head, making him snicker while cookies spoke to him. Once the final cookie had left, the two walked back into the Spire, Fount giggling endlessly as Healer smiled lovingly at him. It made Healer happy to see the one he loves so happy.

Healer continued to listen to Fount's chuckles as they walked to the library for some alone time together, without other cookies. Fount's laughter finally died down the moment they reached the tall doors, "Oh," He muttered, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye before opening it with his magic. The doors were extremely heavy and yes, they could be opened by brute force that neither of the two had. Healer grabbed a braille book from a shelf and Fount grabbed a book on dreams, also in braille. The two sat on the floor in a corner together, Healer in Fount's lap but facing the right so Fount could see his book. Braille or not Healer still wanted Fount to see what he was reading. It was peaceful for a while, the two were content until Fount's Soul Jam started to glow in his staff. Fount's heart dropped as Healer stood off his lap. Fount stood up after him, pressing his hand to the Soul Jam. It glowed more, projecting a big bright eye onto the dusty bookcase behind them. Fount and Healer turned to look at the eye opening, the iris and sclera filled with a vision of Black Raisin Cookie squinting at her side of the spell. Fount made this spell specifically for Healer, in case he needed to get in contact with his village on short notice and vise verse.

"Hello? Can you see me?" Black Raisin waved a jam covered hand on her side of the spell, "I can see you."

"We can see you, Black Raisin," Healer answered, stepping closer to the eye, "What's happened?"

"Oh good" Black Raisin sighed softly, "I mean good that you can see me- We need you back here as soon as you can. Lily Pad Cookie has gone into labor earlier than planned.  There's a lot of jam and we need you back here. I'm sorry that you have to leave so soon after getting back but-"

"Black Raisin." Healer interrupted, "I'll leave in a bit. Don't apologize. I'll see you soon."

Black Raisin nodded, waving her hand over her side of the spell to end the transmission. The eye disappeared into the air and Healer turned to Fount as he stared where the eye once was. "I'm sorry, but I have to go." Healer said with a frown, Fount looked down a hit.

"It's alright, like you said, don't apologize. You're going to save a life, maybe even two." Fount said, forcing a smile.

Healer smiled back, taking Fount's hands in his and kissing the back of them, "Thank you, I love you." Healer left without waiting for Fount to say it back.

"I love you too." Shadow Milk whispered, a tear sliding down his cheek.

Shadow Milk stared at the ceiling, his arms and legs outstretched on the bed. He hadn't moved since he'd woken up. Pure Vanilla noticed how distraught he was when he woke up and tried to get him to talk about it, but Shadow Milk refused. Shadow Milk hadn't spoken since he woke up either. Pure Vanilla managed to get him to eat a little but only a few bites. And he couldn't stay; he had a meeting with Clotted Cream Cookie that he'd been putting off for weeks and couldn't put off another. He'd left the plate on his bedside table, but Shadow Milk hadn't touched it since he left. He knew what was coming when he went back to sleep, which was why he was procrastinating. Once Healer left, despite the sun only beginning to set, he went to his room and slept in the Spire to wake up in the Vanilla Kingdom. He's been up since four in the morning, which didn't help him with staying up but neither did lying on the bed. Maybe he should get a bath, he felt a bit dirty. But that required getting up which was obviously out of the question. He hadn't even gotten up when a Vanilla Castle servant came to clean the bedroom. She came in, tried to ask if he was ok but ended up running away when he looked at her. Black Sapphire and Candy Apple tried to come and check on him too, but he summoned his staff to lock them out. They eventually left as well. Eventually. He heard Black Sapphire practically have to pry Candy Apple off the door frame while she screeched about not wanting to leave Shadow Milk alone and sad inside. 

Maybe he would go take that bath.

Shadow Milk sat up with a soft huff of air, unlocking the door before floating to the bathroom. He used his staff for everything after that, not having the strength to use his hands. He closed the door, turned the faucet on, summoned the scented candles he liked and undressed himself all with magic. Once the tub was full, he stopped the water and put his staff on the sink. Shadow Milk floated down into the tub, letting the hot water ingulf him like a large blanket or one of Pure Vanilla's hugs. Or a fire because it was scalding. Still, he smiled softly because it calmed him down a bit. The hot water combined with the scent of the candles relaxed him. He stayed in the tub until his fingers turned prune-y and the water got cold. He dried his hair with magic and put it in a braid over his right shoulder. He put on Pure Vanilla's yellow and white stripped PJ pants and one of his baggy shirts, like Sunflower Seed's sweatpants, this shirt was grey with "Parfait Cookie" in large pink letters on the back with her guitar in place of the "I" in "Parfait" and the berries from her hair clip on the top left corner of the "P." Shadow Milk slipped it on and slipped back into bed. Maybe it's just better to get it over with, right?

Wrong, but what choice did he have? He'd have to face it eventually.

Fount woke up alone, expected. He took his time to get out of bed, brushed his hair like before- by practically ripping it out. He got dressed and stared at his desk for a while before leaving his room.

Don't think about it, he thought, think of Pure Vanilla Cookie. That's how he was getting by all day. That's what he told himself as he went to answer cookie's questions. He counted how many there was. Usually, he had a generally understanding of how many cookies there were because most cookies came back every day with a new question because they can't think for themselves. But today, there were four less than normal.

How familiar.

Fount tried to answer all the questions as quickly as he could, rushing the final cookie away before speeding to his and Healer's hidden spot in the library. He didn't read anything to keep him distracted; he wouldn't be able to focus. Instead, he just sat on the floor, staring out the window. He stared out the window until the sun began to tint the sky an orange hue. Only then did he finally get up and go back to his room. He got changed into his nightgown, tossing his robes onto his floor, he wasn't paying attention to where exactly. He leaned his staff on his closet before stepping onto his balcony.

He stayed there until he saw the small glow of a lantern in the field below him and heard Healer call to him. He saw him and of course, Healer saw him too, just his luck. Fount didn't hear his name with his back turned; he heard it as he saw the short blonde.

Unfortunately, he also saw the two male cookies in a nearby bush. They looked at each other before running to another bush, hiding behind that one. The one to the left handing a decently sized rock to the one to the rock. The one to the right had a slingshot in his hand. He aimed the rock towards Healer, and he must have been aiming for the lantern because when it hit Healer's hand the cookie cursed loudly. All four nameless cookies ran from the hiding spots as the lantern hit the floor and Healer looked over his shoulder at them. Healer's breath caught in his throat and he immediately turned, now running towards the Spire instead of his calm walk like before. Now, Healer was by no means athletic. He did not run fast, and it did not take long for the shortest of the four to tackle his ankles, making Healer hit the ground face first and jam spew from his nose. He laid there for a moment, his nose hitting the ground making him a bit disoriented. That was a mistake. In that short amount of time, the three other cookies came over to Healer, looking down at him. There were two male cookies and two female cookies. The largest of the four, the one that originally had the rock and one of the male cookies, took a fistful of Healer's hair so the smaller cookie, one of the female cookies, could let go of Healer's ankles. Healer was lifted up to stand on his knees, jam still pouring from his nose and a look of pain on his face. The cookie holding his face threw him to the right, making his back hit a tree not far from them. His back hit the trunk and Healer let out a sickening scream of pain. The four cookies walked back over, the taller girl tipping his face up with the heel of her boot before kicking it to the left, making jam spit from his mouth and cutting his cheek with her heel. The shorted guy walked to the right of Healer, grabbing his arm and holding it against the tree. The two girls grinned and held his shoulders down against the tree as the male cookie broke his arm on the tree. Healer let out another scream that pierced the air. Fount couldn't take it anymore.

He fell back onto the balcony, scooting back into his room and kicking the balcony door closed. Tears fell down his cheeks as he moved to the side of the bed farthest from the balcony and covered his ears with his hands to block out the screams. He could still hear them, not the present ones but the ones he's already heard. He continued to sob all night, even after the four cookies had stopped. He didn't sleep all night.

WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP FOUNT?

Fount never stopped crying, he just stopped making noises and covering his ears. He stared down at the floor below him for a long while before finally using his staff to tell Black Raisin she needed to come get the corpse. That Healer had crumbled. He didn't wait for her response before ending the spell and kicking his staff away, returning to his corner. He yelled at the cookie that came to get him when he was late for answering cookie's questions. He told them too just close the Spire for the day.

Healer had crumbled, why should he get up?

Hmmmm, are you suuuure about that?

Oh great, it's you. Fount gave the floor an even harsher glare.

Gee, thanks for the warm welcome. And all I did was ask a question.

Well, if you must know, yes, I am sure. Healer is gone.

Well, how exactly do you know?

What? I watched it.

Nooooo, you didn't.

Yes, I did.

No, you only watched half of it.

Ok, mister detail oriented, even if I didn't see it all I check when I really was Fount. I don't have to check now to know he's crumbled.

Ha! Wow, even before your corruption you were such a great liar! You never checked my dear Fount. You refused to even acknowledge it after you told Black Raisin Cookie. Y'know, besides for yelling at those poor four cookies anytime they tried to talk to you, but that's different.

Ok, one, those four are not poor cookies. They tortured Healer Cookie! And two, I'm sure I checked, I remember it vividly oh- oh.

Mmmmmmhm, What'd I tell you. What a great little liar you are, Fount-y, baby.

Hey, it's Shadow Milk Cookie.

Ok, fine, Shadow Milk Cookie. Whatever. Don't you think you should go talk to a certain cookie? Maybe a certain Black Raisin Cookie?

Can you just shut up for one minute? Fount thought as he climbed into bed, wrapping himself into the covers.

Shadow Milk didn't take one minute to register that he was awake before slipping into the shadows and rushing around the Vanilla Kingdom in search of Black Raisin Cookie. After about five minutes he almost past her walking out of the Crow's Nest Inn. His eyes widened in the shadows, and he immediately rematerialized in front of her, hands on her shoulders as he yelled, "What happened to Healer Cookie!?" So loud all of Earthbread could've heard him.

"Could you say that any louder? I don't think every cookie in the Dark Cacao Kingdom heard you." She said sarcastically, shrugging his hands off her.

He rolled his eyes, "I said, what happened to Healer Cookie."

"Healer Cookie? Why do you want to know about him?" She asked, putting her hand on her hip.

"Because I thought he crumbled and I thought I checked to make sure he was but apparently I didn't and I don't know if actually did and I need to know if he did." Shadow Milk explained frantically.

"Ok, one, that sounds really bad. Two, he didn't crumble he was just injured really badly. In fact, some of the cookie at our village and I had to hold him down or give him extra poppy so he wouldn't try to heal himself." She chuckled at the memory.

It was as if Shadow Milk's world shattered, Healer hadn't crumbled? His eyes started tearing up, "I- I thought he- I thought he'd crumbled." He said through tears. He couldn't tell if he was mad at himself or relieved Healer had survived or sad that Healer probably crumbled from old age anyway.

"Hey, hey, what's the matter?" Black Raisin took a step forward, "What's wrong?"

"I- I watched-" Shadow Milk's words got caught in his throat, but Black Raisin was patient with him, "I was a coward and just watched it happen and didn't even bother to check if he was alive." Shadow Milk hugged himself, digging his nails into his arms.

"Yeah, you're right." Black Raisin replied.

"W-"

"But," She continued, taking his right hand away from his left arm before doing the same with the left, "You've changed. You're living with Pure Vanilla Cookie and trying to do better for him. It takes a lotta guts to change, I can't name one coward that would do that for someone." She bumped her shoulder against his.

"I- I guess." He muttered, still looking down.

"And you're still with Healer Cookie, aren't you?" Black Raisin added finally.

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me you were Healer Cookie?" Shadow Milk asked, floating behind Pure Vanilla as he undid his robes.

"Healer Cookie? I haven't heard that name in years. Why do you ask?" Pure Vanilla responded with his back facing Shadow Milk.

The blueberry cookie growled, grabbing Pure Vanilla's shoulder and turning him around, "Answer the question."

"Oh- Ok then, I didn't see a reason too. Healer Cookie was centuries ago, before I was Pure Vanilla." Pure Vanilla answered, Shadow Milk groaned loudly.

"Stop speaking as if he's a different cookie! You are Healer Cooke, he is you! And I thought you crumbled!" Shadow Milk grabbed Pure Vanilla's collar, bending the blonde's back with how much he was leaning over him.

"Why would you think that?" Pure Vanilla tilted his head to the side.

"Because I-" Shadow Milk sighed loudly, pushing off Pure Vanilla, pulling his legs to his chest in the air and crossing his arms, "Because I watched you. When I was Fount, I watched you almost be crumbled by those four cookies and I was too scared to do anything."

"Oh, I'm sorry you had to see that." Pure Vanilla frowned, opening his arms for Shadow Milk.

"You're- You're sorry? I'm the reason you were hurt so badly." Shadow Milk yelled, swiftly hugging Pure Vanilla, his arms tightening into a bone crushing hug.

"I don't blame you. Fear makes up do things we regret later. Besides, I don't remember much about my near crumbling experience." Pure Vanilla hugged back, running his left hand through Shadow Milk's hair.

"What? How?" Shadow Milk pulled back to look at the blonde's face.

"Ah, Black Raisin had me on so much poppy for pain so I wouldn't try to heal myself and rest instead that I don't remember much. I remember some of the later days of my recovery and leaving Lily Pad Cookie with her newborn but my memory blanks between those points." Pure Vanilla's cheeks darken in embarrassment.

Shadow Milk snickers, "You're so senile, your memory's going. We ought to put you in a home."

"Oh really? If I have to be put in a home, then so do you. You're as old as Earthbread." Pure Vanilla countered.

"Whaaat? I'm too pretty to be put in a home. You're just being clingy." Shadow Milk waved Pure Vanilla off.

"Oh, I'm clingy?" Pure Vanilla grinned, tickling Shadow Milk's sides, "And you're not? You just like to hug twenty-four seven?" Shadow Milk laughed loudly as Pure Vanilla tickled his sensitive waist, trying to fly away but Pure Vanilla wrapped his arms back around him before he could.

"Noooo!" Shadow Milk yelled, trying to break free from Pure Vanilla's hold, "Help! He's trapped me! He wants to keep me here forever!"

"You hypocrite!" Pure Vanilla giggled, "'You and I are meant to be together'" He spoke dramatically, mocking Truthless Recluse.

"Hey, hey, hey, you leave him alone." Shadow Milk defended while grinning, "He's just the better version of you."

"How can I trust that, hmm? You are the Beast of Deceit." Pure Vanilla rested his chin of Shadow Milk's shoulder.

"'A relationship should be built on trust', your words, or something like that." Shadow Milk quoted horribly.

"Mmmhm." Pure Vanilla kissed his cheek, turning Shadow Milk to face him, "I wasn't wrong. So, to tell the truth, I looooove you." Pure Vanilla rubbed his nose against Shadow Milk's.

"Hey-" Shadow Milk began as his cheeks darkened, "Did you go drinking or something? You're much more er- expressive tonight." Shadow Milk said as Pure Vanilla pulled away.

"Ah, no, I'm sorry if it's too much." Pure Vanilla chuckled.

Shadow Milk rolled his eyes, "You're an idiot and I hate you."

"Like I said, I love you too." Pure Vanilla smiled, picking Shadow Milk up and walking to bed. A few short steps and the two were lying on their sides together. Shadow Milk chuckled a bit.

"Ok, ok, I get it. Goodnight." Shadow Milk snuggled his head against Pure Vanilla's chest and Pure Vanilla rested his head on top Shadow Milk's head. Once Shadow Milk was sure Pure Vanilla was asleep, he whispered, "I love you too." Before falling asleep too.

And that night Shadow Milk was not back in the Spire of Knowledge as Fount of Knowledge again. All he was, all he is, is Shadow Milk Cookie in the Vanilla Kingdom in the Vanilla Castle with the one he loves, Pure Vanilla Cookie.