Work Text:
Ryan has no idea how long he’s been sitting in his car in front of Michael’s house. If he were to guess he'd say it’s about 15 minutes, but his perception of time is wonky these days, and he wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out to be much longer than that. His expensive watch reads it’s almost 7pm, and the light in the window of Michael’s condo tells him the man is there and up. If he looked long and hard he’d probably see him moving around the house.
Ryan runs a hand through his hair and wipes his face. It’s a habit he developed to make sure there’s nothing on his beard. All this time at corporate and he still can’t get used to having it. The trade-off is worth it though, it makes him look older and he needs that in New York.
He’s pretty sure Michael prefers him without it. Ryan often gets angry with himself that that fact matters to him in any way, but it does.
When Michael opens the door Ryan is met with an expression of surprise and a little bit of concern. Ryan pays no mind to how baffled he looks, instead he focuses on staring at his ruffled and unkempt hair and his bare legs as he stands at the door in just his briefs and a sweatshirt. Ryan is glad he didn't announce he was coming.
‘Ryan? W-What are you doing here?’ Michael asks him after processing the situation fully and finally changing his expression into his usual bright smile.
‘I didn’t see you at the office.’ Ryan says with little emotion as he lets himself into Michael’s home. The older man moves to welcome him, and Ryan notices a flush on his cheeks when he realises what state he’s in. ‘Pam said you called in sick.’
‘I– yeah… well…’ Michael’s voice cracks, clearly being unprepared to give a sufficient answer. ‘I haven’t been feeling great, something’s going around, the flu maybe, or something worse…’
‘You broke it off with Jan, right?’ Ryan asks him.
Michael presses his lips together for a moment, thinking.
‘Yeah I– I thought you knew that. I think I mentioned it when we met in New York, or before.’ Michael runs a hand though his hair, a gesture Ryan recognises as nervous.
Ryan takes a moment to think, it’s not great that he doesn’t remember that conversation. He wonders if there are other things Michael told him that night that have escaped his mind.
Ryan takes a deep breath, but his senses are hit with a strong chemical smell. He scowls, looking at Michael.
‘Didn’t take you for a clean freak.’ he says like it’s nothing, but Michael looks at him confused. ‘The smell? It’s a lot.’
‘Oh.’ Michael chuckles, realising what he means. ‘It’s Jan’s candles, the house used to be filled with them. At this point I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of it.’ He gestures to the air around them. ‘I don’t even smell it anymore.’
‘I’ll just–’ Ryan mutters, pointing at the large window in Michael’s living room. Michael nods, giving him permission to open it.
Ryan does, and Michael stares at him for a moment too long. Ryan knows that opening the window sends a clear message that Ryan intends to say here, at least for a short while.
He surprises himself with it as well.
‘You want something to drink? Eat? I got snacks.’ Michael says, pointing to the kitchen.
There’s an air of awkwardness between them that both recognize. Michael is clearly not his usual self, he looks disheveled and quite sad, and sitting alone at home after a break-up can do that to a man, Ryan kind of gets it, he’s not the happiest alone at home either.
‘I’m good.’ Ryan says after a moment. He feels Michael’s eyes on himself, staring and studying him deeply like they always do.
He wipes his face again, and his nose after he softly sniffles. Another habit he picked up.
Michael’s eyebrows furrow, expression suddenly turning somewhat serious. Ryan can’t tell why.
‘Are you… high?’
Michael says it like it’s a dirty word.
‘What? Why?’ Ryan asks with a fake and sharp smile.
‘Your hands are shaking.’
Ryan looks down at them, clearly seeing his twitching fingers. He clasps them together to make it stop, face suddenly burning with shame over not even noticing that anymore.
‘I’m not high, fuck off.’ Ryan hisses. His eyes locked on Michael in a scowl.
‘No, it’s… It’s fine, Ryan.’ Michael says with a soft chuckle, but there’s no humour behind it. ‘I’m not like– a narc. I won’t say anything, you can… you can do whatever you want, you know.’
‘I’m not high.’ Ryan’s voice gets softer, and he doesn’t know why he decides to be honest. He looks away from Michael. ‘Not anymore, I guess. I did a line like an hour ago. Coke high doesn’t last that long.’
‘Okay…’ Michael nods like he’s learning something. ‘Do you… um, do you need anything?’
‘Do you wanna watch a movie?’ Ryan cuts the conversation short.
Michael looks confused for a while, but the spark in his eyes lets the excitement he’s feeling come through. He smiles, warm and sweet like Ryan has paid him a great compliment.
‘Yeah, totally.’ He says, voice breathless. He looks like he doesn’t know what to do with his hands.
Ryan smiles back and watches Michael as he walks over to the couch to look for the remote. Still in his briefs and sweatshirt like he has forgotten about how he looks. Ryan thinks he likes dictating the situation, it’s one of the perks of being the boss, he assumes. Before it was Michael that would take initiative to spend time together without a bigger point.
‘I can watch whatever.’ Ryan says as he sits down at the couch and the room fills with the sound of the TV turning on. Michael dims the lights. ‘New TV?’
‘Oh yeah–’ Michael fumbles with the stack of DVDs under it. ‘I splurged a little. The one I had before was really small.’
Michael laughs awkwardly and finally puts the DVD in the player. The bright TV screen is sharp to Ryan’s eyes.
Ryan notices Michael’s gaze lingering when takes off his jacket and his tie. He ends up taking a while to sit next to him.
When he finally does, the two get as comfortable as they can as the movie starts playing. It’s one of the James Bonds. Apparently Michael has a whole collection.
Ryan doesn’t know what he’s doing at this point, but he often does things on a whim these days. He never actually planned to come here and sit on a couch in Michael’s home, but there was something about his absence at the office that made this decision inevitable. The details came in later.
About thirty minutes into the movie Ryan moves slightly closer to Michael. At this point he just wants to see what happens. It’s way more interesting than the movie.
Michael doesn’t say anything, doesn’t move almost at all, but Ryan can feel him getting tense. He can hear his breath shake. He’s probably not paying attention to the screen either.
Perhaps it’s the drug-fueled courage, maybe it’s a moment perfectly timed with a cocaine crash, or both, but Ryan doesn’t resist the sudden urge of closeness and leans over to place his head on Michael’s chest.
Michael doesn’t openly react. At least not at first. His breath gets caught in his throat and his body freezes like he’s terrified. Ryan can feel his heart beating loud into his ear under the layer of soft, comfortable fabric.
If the documentary crew at work asked Ryan why he’s doing this, he wouldn’t be able to answer. He’d tell them it's none of their business.
Ryan nuzzles into Michael’s neck, moving even closer than before and enveloping his body. He places a hand on the older man’s chest and pretends to play with a loose thread of his sweatshirt.
Something in Michael takes this as a sign and Ryan would love the opportunity to see his expression when his tense body finally relaxes. He’s hesitant, but it seems he can’t resist an urge himself and his hand comes up to gently lay on Ryan’s shoulder while his finger curls a strand of Ryan’s hair.
‘I screwed up. A lot.’ The words come out of Ryan’s mouth before he can think about them.
‘Huh?’ Michael softly asks, his finger stops moving.
‘At work.’ Ryan clarifies. ‘I keep screwing things up.’
‘You’ll be fine.’ Michael’s hand moves to Ryan’s back, rubbing a comforting circle like Michael knows exactly what he needs. ‘David’s a chill guy, I screw up plenty and he still likes me.’
Michael chuckles and Ryan feels his chest move under his head. He nuzzles even further, leaning into Michael’s touch as much as he can.
‘I don’t think I can fix it.’ Ryan can’t say anything more. He hopes Michael won’t ask.
‘I’m sure you can.’ Michael says and Ryan can hear the smile in his voice. ‘You’re a smart guy. Smartest I know.’
Ryan wishes he could argue and tell Michael how truly fucked he is, and fixing anything is impossible without Ryan ending up in prison.
The walls are closing in. People will find out about the fraud sooner than later. Even if Ryan knew how, he couldn’t undo it anyway. Getting out of the mess he made without getting arrested is nothing short of a miracle.
At this point he’s just biding his time until cops show up at his door and take away everything he has. The only time Ryan is not terrified for his own future is either when he’s high, or right here in Michael’s arms.
Unfortunately when time comes he might lose that too.
‘Do you remember when I kissed you?’ Ryan asks, voice barely audible over the explosion in the movie, lighting up the room in a bright orange glow.
‘What?’ Michael asks, but Ryan knows he heard him the first time.
‘At the dundies. A year ago. We were drunk.’
Michael doesn’t say anything, but his loud heartbeat speaks for him. Ryan can feel the older man’s body tense again, and a shiver runs through him when Ryan’s hand moves down from Michael’s chest to his large and hairy thigh. Ryan’s throat runs dry.
He gently tugs at the bottom of Michael’s briefs. They don’t leave much to the imagination.
‘I, um–’ Michael’s voice gets stuck in his throat. Ryan can tell he’s looking at his hand. ‘I do… I do remember, but I thought I dreamt it.’
Ryan laughs, surprised by how sweet that sentiment is.
He stands up slightly, moving his head to finally look at Michael’s face. It’s red and shiny from sweat. The colors from the screen dance around his soft features, the man looks as nervous as Ryan has ever seen him, but his shiny eyes and wide smile tell him enough to make the next move.
‘I swear I’m not high.’ Ryan says because this time he wants it to be as real as it can be, and he knows Michael appreciates knowing that.
Michael doesn’t manage to get a chuckle out, because Ryan connects their mouths into a kiss.
Michael kisses so gently, like Ryan’s never felt. His movements are shy and unsure and he’s letting Ryan lead and guide him through the thousands of feelings running through his brain.
Ryan focuses on the touch instead, on the way Michael’s lips invite him and how much he tastes like candy while Ryan’s mouth probably tastes like coke from his gums and cigarette ash. Michael doesn’t seem to mind.
He lets out the softest moan when Ryan’s hand moves deeper between his thighs. Brushing against the growing bulge in his briefs. When Ryan gives it a tug Michael breaks the kiss and just giggles.
They catch each other's eyes and Michael’s shyness, while still there, gives way to pure excitement and anticipation. His smile is wide and almost mischievous, and Ryan knows this whole thing will make him forget about his worries just as much as Ryan’s.
‘I never, um–’ Michael snorts out a bashful laugh. ‘I’ve never done it with a guy.’
‘Me neither.’
‘Really?’
‘Not sober.’ Ryan says with a shrug which makes Michael giggle again. Ryan moves to sit up and straddle him, placing himself right on Michael’s lap and guiding his big palms to his waist. Michael lets out another shaky breath. ‘Can’t be that different, at least we’re familiar with the equipment.’
Michael laughs again, as if the joke is extraordinarily funny, but Ryan knows the reaction is mostly from excitement. He smiles too, undoing a few buttons on his purple work shirt as Michael watches with focus. When Ryan’s bare chest is entirely exposed Michael almost gasps. Ryan doesn’t know what he was expecting that surprised him so much.
‘Wow, you’re–’ Another giggle interrupts Michael’s own words. ‘--you’re pretty. Or– Handsome, I guess. I don’t know– I don’t know how to talk to a guy.’
‘Am I just a guy?’ Ryan teases, placing his hands on Michael’s shoulders and softly rocking his body, feeling Michael’s cock growing under him.
‘No, of course not.’ Michael shakes his head.
‘Then pretty is fine.’
Ryan moves to kiss Michael again, partially to prevent him from seeing him blush. Ryan hasn’t been called pretty in a while. For a moment he wishes he could give this situation a pause and run quickly to shave his beard and the soft stubble on his chest too. Maybe even wax his legs like he used to do. Just so he appears as pretty as he can for Michael.
When they’re stuck in a kiss Ryan tugs at Michael’s sweatshirt, prompting him to take it off too. He can tell Michael hesitates, some insecurity coming to the surface for a moment. Ryan knows that whatever ‘bad’ shape Michael thinks he’s in will drive him wild either way.
Ryan helps him take the clothing off when they part, and he tosses the sweatshirt on a pile of his own clothes somewhere next to the couch.
Michael’s face is red even when draped in Ryan’s shadow as the movie on the screen changes the colors in the room now and then. For a moment Michael tenses, still keeping a shy smile when Ryan’s eyes gaze over Michael’s large, hairy chest. It’s just as soft as it was behind the clothing and Ryan’s bony hands press gently to the softness of his middle.
‘Fuck me…’ Ryan whispers almost despite himself.
‘What?’ Michael holds down a laugh.
‘Nothing.’ Ryan clears his throat, just slightly embarrassed over his own reaction. ‘You look good, man. That’s all.’
If Ryan ever had doubts about liking men, they all but disappeared just about now. Michael’s body is as manly as it gets and Ryan’s own pants get tighter at the sight.
‘What do you– um…’ Michael presses his lips together, eyes suddenly wide like he can’t even voice the question without burning from shame. ‘What do you wanna do?’
Ryan bites his lip, feeling a sudden tension and weight of the decision. That’s definitely a uniquely gay experience, because when having sex with women everybody’s always on the same page when it comes to the course of action. Here the path is much more unclear. They haven’t even popped the question of which one of them is the bottom.
‘Let’s just–’ Ryan’s voice cracks, cringing at the idea of saying what exactly he’d like to do out loud. ‘Let’s just do mouth stuff.’
‘Mouth stuff?’ Michael unsurely asks.
‘Yeah.’ Ryan answers with a swift nod, feeling his face getting hotter as he looks away. ‘For now.’
‘Okay, so, um… who–’
‘I’ll do it.’
‘You sure?’
‘Yes.’
‘Are you–’
‘Yes, Michael! I’ll suck your cock!’ Ryan raises his voice enough so the painful conversation comes to an end and Ryan keeps himself from dying from embarrassment. He looks back at Michael, worried for a second of coming off as angry but the older man is clearly stifling a laugh.
‘That’s what she said!’ He says with a snort and makes Ryan groan. By a total miracle it doesn’t kill the mood at all. Ryan subdues his own laugh.
Michael’s mood for jokes ends quite quickly the moment Ryan’s hand finally reaches to pull at the waistband of his underwear. Without breaking eye contact Ryan grabs Michael’s almost fully hardened cock into his hand and gives it a few tugs, watching Michael’s eyes flutter from pleasure at the touch.
Ryan gives him one last quick kiss before lowering himself down to be on his knees on the floor. Head right between Michael’s open, hairy thighs and quite close to his twitching dick.
‘You can look, you know.’ Ryan softly says, hand still wrapped around Michael, getting him ready. Michael’s eyes are stuck somewhere else, like he’s frozen, while his palms grip the fabric of the couch.
‘I– yeah, I will. Just–’ He doesn't manage to finish, voice broken by a gasp when Ryan finally takes him into his mouth.
Ryan could never call himself experienced in that particular task, but he thinks he knows what to do. It’s evident by the way Michael whimpers when Ryan wraps his lips around his length and moves up and down, and Michael's gasps are perfectly synchronized with the movements of Ryan’s tongue. Michael’s not that big, perfect for Ryan to take him almost entirely into his mouth. Ryan keeps his eyes closed, working Michael with focus and precision while one of his hands is softly brushing his own erection still trapped in his pants.
‘Wait, wait, wait! Ryan, stop!’ Michael almost screams, pulling Ryan out of his own pleasure.
He lifts his head, letting go of Michael’s cock with a loud sound and a good amount of spit. When he looks up he sees Michael’s face, all sweaty and red, almost panicked as his dick bobs softly against his belly.
‘What?’ Ryan says, suddenly slightly worried. ‘Something wrong?’
‘No, just– God.’ Michael gasps for air, still trying not to look at Ryan but his shifting eyes can’t seem to resist. ‘You’re too good at this. I don’t wanna– I don’t wanna finish yet.’
Ryan chuckles. ‘Are you serious?’
‘Yes I’m serious!’ Michael seems embarrassed. ‘This is all– this is new for me!’
‘Come on, you got a blowjob before.’ Ryan says, leaning gently on Michael’s leg.
‘Not from a guy. And not from you.’
Ryan bites his lip, a certain warmth rises in his chest at the words. Something about them feels strangely romantic. Michael realises it too, and both their faces soften as they finally lock eyes.
‘So what now?’ Ryan asks.
‘Come back here.’ Michael suggests and watches Ryan stand up.
They both hesitate for a second, but Michael’s hands quickly gravitate to Ryan’s waist. He takes a moment to fumble with undoing Ryan’s belt, and the younger man sees his eager hands shaking slightly, hesitant to commit fully. Ryan gives him the permission he needs and they both pull Ryan’s pants and underwear down in a swift and more confident motion.
Michael almost freezes again, but Ryan can see a smile threatening to show on his lips, right below his wide and shiny eyes. Ryan can barely remember the last time he was fully naked in front of someone. He’s had sex, but as it turns out he’s rarely been truly intimate.
‘Wanna try?’ Ryan asks, seeing Michael not being able to take his eyes off of his cock, hard and shiny right by Michael’s face.
‘Y-yeah.’ Michael stutters and gives out an eager nod. It seems he’s not able to say much more than that.
Ryan’s face gets warmer as his dick twitches again just right as Michael bites and licks his lip like he’s been imagining this for a long time. The older man’s hands move back to Ryan’s waist and stay there, gently moving back until at least one of them is cupping Ryan’s ass. When Michael leans over to finally take Ryan into his mouth Ryan suddenly understands the urge not to look. The feeling and the sight are quite overwhelming together.
Ryan groans as Michael quickly takes him all the way, without much foreplay. Ryan feels himself hitting the back of Michael's throat as the man chokes slightly, awkwardly pulling back like he just wanted to see how far he could go for his first time.
‘God, calm down.’ Ryan breathes out and looks down at Michael. His face is shiny from sweat and spit and he already looks spent and desperate just after that, eyes almost contorted in pleasure.
‘Sorry.’ He lets out a barely audible whimper. Ryan places his hand on his head and runs it through his hair, messing it up more than it was before.
‘No, it’s… I like it.’ Ryan says. ‘Just don’t forget to breathe.’
They both end up laughing at that, and Michael nods and unsurely takes another attempt.
This time he’s slower and gentler, and Ryan thinks he’s relishing in this as much as he is. His hand tugs at the base of Ryan’s length as his tongue gently runs around the head of his penis. Michael’s movements grow more confident quite quickly, and Ryan watches his face as he does it, eyes closed and eyebrows furrowed in pleasure as he hums and sends the sweet vibrations right into Ryan’s core.
Ryan only realises he’s been making sounds when one particularly loud moan escapes his lips and he catches himself thrusting into Michael’s mouth, matching his rhythm. This is new for Ryan too. He’s never gotten a blowjob from a man, let alone Michael.
And Michael seems to be able to feel when Ryan gets close, because he lets go of him and pulls his head back, freeing Ryan’s stiff and wet cock from his mouth with a wide, proud smile.
‘Did you like that?’ He asks so innocently Ryan feels a sting behind his eyes.
‘Yeah.’
‘Can you– um.’ Michael fumbles slightly, adjusting a pillow on the couch and leaning back to make space. ‘Can go back to how we were at first?’
‘Sure.’ Ryan says with a soft smile and slowly climbs back onto Michael’s lap. His hands naturally fall to his shoulders and Michael’s to Ryan’s waist. They move as close as they can be and their faces are just an inch apart when Ryan feels his cock brush against Michael’s.
‘Hey… Ryan?’ Michael whispers softly. ‘Can you pinch me?’
‘Pinch you?’
‘So I know I’m not dreaming.’
Ryan takes in a shaky breath. It’s not often that he lets himself get emotional, but Michael is one of the only people that can say something that strikes right at his heart. He wonders if it’s beautiful or tragic that Ryan’s lived for almost 30 years and this is the most loved he’s ever felt.
‘Okay.’
‘Ough!’ Michael yells, slapping Ryan’s hand away. ‘Really man? On the nip!?’
‘You didn’t say where.’ Ryan laughs and watches Michael rubbing his peck. It’s a good break from all the romanticism.
Michael can’t stay mad for long, because he too laughs at the situation. Ryan doesn’t waste much time and kisses him, long and hard while his hips start to rock on Michael's lap, their cocks brushing together and getting closer to the edge.
Michael’s hands grab Ryan’s ass again, and the younger man lets out a soft moan right into Michael’s mouth. He takes one of his hands from Michael’s shoulders and drops it down to catch their length in between his long fingers.
Michael reacts with a hum and a shudder, and it only takes a few moments of Ryan’s hand tugging and rubbing for them to finally reach their climax.
Michael comes first with a gasp and a whine, when Ryan feels him spilling into his hand his big palms squeeze Ryan’s sides harder, almost involuntarily and he jerks a few times, breaking the kiss and looking right into Ryan’s eyes. That’s enough to make Ryan finish right after, with a final thrust and a soft moan.
They end up hugged together for a long time, both breathing and letting out their last post-coital shakes until they’re both themselves again.
Ryan is first to pull back, aware of the sticky mess between them that makes Michael laugh when he looks down. Wordlessly he points to the tissue box at the coffee table and Ryan reaches for it for both of them to start cleaning up.
Ryan notices the space around them darken as the movie behind him ends and credits on the black screen give just enough light not to shroud them in total darkness. Ryan sees the sweat and shine on Michael’s face even better now.
‘Do you wanna stay the night?’ Michael’s voice is rough and husky as he says that.
Ryan clears his throat not so sound like that too. ‘Yes.’
It turns out Michael’s couch is big enough to fit both of them. Without saying much they end up curled together, still naked under Michael’s thin blanket, but the warmth of their bodies is enough to keep them comfortable. Ryan feels himself drifting off just as he picks a good position. Michael’s arms wrap around him and it’s him who this time nuzzles into Ryan’s neck from the back.
‘Does it work?’ Ryan asks just as Michael clicks the remote to completely shut off the TV.
‘Does what work?’
‘The pinching.’ Ryan explains. ‘Does it work when you’re actually dreaming? Would it wake you up?’
‘I don’t know.’ Michael gives a tired chuckle. ‘I never tried it in a dream.’
Ryan hears Michael let out a long, deep sigh as he squeezes Ryan a bit tighter.
Ryan moves his hand to pinch himself on his forearm.