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Roles.
Everyone had their roles, Noelle was starting to see. It was still beyond her why it was so, why the world forced each person into a tight mold that they were forced to fit into, but the simple truth was that this was how it was.
Noelle's own role was easy enough to see, was painfully obvious to others as well as to her: the shy but smart girl, the sweet childhood friend who lived next door.
And everyone else? Yes, however complicated and intricate a person might seem, in the end, everyone boiled down to such simple descriptions: the misunderstood mean girl; the class nerd; the edgy goth; the sweet, caring mother; the strict, cold mother; the kind man who was the outcast of the town; the perfect, golden boy; the rebellious, rowdy girl.
And whatever a person may do to try to shift, to change themselves from their given mold, it would always end in failure. No, even if a person thought that they were progressing, they would only ever be moving in a circle. In the end, the world would always bring them back to the same starting point.
After all, if it were so easy to break out of that circle, Noelle wouldn't need to fall into methods such as this.
Though she was turned towards the lake, her back facing the path, Noelle knew it when Kris approached: their soft footsteps making gentle thumps on the soil; their breathing, soft and fleeting, which Noelle could somehow feel tickling her ears. She felt again that heavy, magnetic pressure pressing against her body, invisible stagelights from up high, turned towards her, watching her.
All of their attention, just on her.
Noelle didn't speak, didn't need to — she knew that they could hear her just fine in her head.
Kris' role, then, what was it? Easy enough to surmise, too: the quiet kid, the weird kid. The one who stayed in the background, who was overshadowed constantly by larger, more vocal presences in the room. Who was more than willing to be overshadowed.
Except that's not who they were anymore, was it? Noelle didn't know how it had happened, or when, but when she'd fallen into that dreamlike world with them, the Kris that had stood beside her was nothing like they were supposed to be. They spoke clearly, making their intentions clear to the world. They ordered her around, in ways that their role would never have allowed them to do. They were so insistent. So demanding.
When they told her to do something, Noelle couldn't ever find it in herself to say no.
It must be a crime, whatever they had done to become like this, what she was about to do. The simple realization of the mere existence of these roles must be, in itself, a sort of violation against natural order. Because why else would no one else notice how Kris had changed, how Noelle was changing, how their own lives were empty husks made out of glass, not even seeing that they were going to walk off the cliff?
Because Noelle was changing. She could feel it in her. It had started in that city made of fever dreams, when Kris had made her unleash shards after shards of ice on the enemies they encountered. She had been weak, then, and it had terrified her, what was happening around her, because it had been so wrong, so unlike the role she had been given. Because how was it possible that Noelle, sweet, innocent Noelle, could unleash such carnage?
And then Snowgrave...
Noelle collapsed onto the ground before Kris, burying her face in her hands as the sobs came tumbling out of her mouth. The mere thought of what she had done to Berdly, poor, poor Berdly... It almost made the weak little Noelle from the past, still wriggling inside, come back up to the surface again, telling her to stop, to go back to how it was, back to the safe and ordinary.
But no, it was impossible to deny it. The moment she had summoned that snowstorm, burying Berdly in that block of ice...
She felt powerful. It had been hard to pick out, back then, when her being was flooded with numbing fear, but she knew, looking back now, that somewhere deep inside, she had relished that sweet, sweet power.
She had been too weak to realize it then, but in that one little spell, Noelle had managed to do something so incompatible with her given nature that she had irreparably damaged her connection with the role of the sweet, shy girl.
Suddenly, there lay before her paths of infinite possibility.
When she had woken back up from that, it had all seemed like a fantasy, a dream from a faraway land that couldn't ever be possible.
Yesterday, though, her knight in shining armour had come back to her again, slipping the ring back onto her finger, and finally opening her eyes.
And now, now that she had finally felt what it was like to not be ruled by what she had never chosen...
She couldn't ever go back.
And she knew that if she spent enough time in this stupid town, it would only be a matter of time before she was dragged back. This town was the exact representation of everything Noelle wanted freedom from — the people here were either unaware of the roles they played, or fully embraced them. Give them enough time and they might just convince Noelle to go back. Noelle wished that she could be strong enough to know for certain that she could resist, but...
Inside, she knew there was still weakness within her. The calling to fulfill her role was strong, after all.
And there were some people around her who knew, very well, how to convince her.
She couldn't risk it. The quicker she did it — something so crazy that there would be no hope of returning to how it once was — the better.
But she couldn't do it by herself. She needed help to be strong.
She looked up at Kris, wishing to catch their eye, but for some reason, they were looking away, their eyes downcast and expression unreadable.
Why? They were the one who had helped her become strong. Isn't this what they wanted too?
No matter. Noelle knew they would help her. They had already helped her come so far. They wouldn't stop now.
Noelle stood up, turning away from Kris. "The other side of the lake. We always wanted to see what was there, didn't we? The four of us, when we were kids."
But however much they had tried, they couldn't ever reach it. Why? Why hadn't it been possible? And why hadn't any of them questioned the the sheer ridiculousness of it? Of not being able to reach a place which should have just been a few minutes walk away?
It must have been another one of those silent rules of this world, just like the roles everyone played. The other side of the lake was a place where no one was supposed to go, one no one was supposed to see.
Especially not a weak little girl like Noelle.
"Kris, let's go there. You'll tell me, won't you?"
Noelle knew that if they told her, she could do it. She couldn't say no to them, so the only other option was that she would do it.
She could do anything with Kris by her side.
She walked up to Kris and took their hands, pale and cold. Noelle thought she almost felt a slight tremor run between their fingers, but it must have just been her imagination.
"So...tell me, Kris."
She led them by their hands to the water's edge, halting just before she could step into the lake.
"The words...I've been waiting to hear."
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The sweet word came to her ears, just as she had wished. Noelle stepped into the water.
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She walked in further still. The slight chill of the water licked at her legs. "The water's... Nice, isn't it, Kris?"
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Further in.
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Noelle felt a resistance in Kris' hands, trying to weakly pull her back.
"Kris...Don't hesitate." They must want this as much as she did. They would become free, too, wouldn't they?
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They were deeper in, now, the water lapping up to her waist. Her skirt was soaked.
Mom's going to be so mad...
Noelle almost laughed at that. Look at her, still thinking of her mother at a time like this.
The place she was going, she'd never have to worry about her mother ever again.
"Haha....it's colder than I thought."
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She felt Kris' grip on her hand loosen, trying to slip away from her like the water around them. She tightened her hold on them. "Kris...don't let go of my hands. Just keep walking."
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The water was almost up to their necks. She felt Kris trying to pull away again, this time more insistent. Still, somehow, they didn't seem to be able to fully loosen their grip.
Noelle held on. "Kris, just... Keep walking."
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The water was up to their neck, but they still had much to go.
They just had to keep saying it... "Kris..."
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Just keep saying it. "Kris......."
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Noelle's snout almost went under, but suddenly something came from underneath and pushed it up, letting her breathe.
Kris' hand. How did they get out of her grip? She couldn't let them go.
She grabbed their hand again, keeping her mouth and nose facing the sky.
"......."
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She couldn't keep herself up any longer. She would go under soon.
She didn't care. She just had to keep holding Kris' hand. They just had to keep saying the word.
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Noelle's thoughts brought her to the time she'd spent with Susie this morning. It had been one of the best mornings she'd had in a long time. Possibly the best morning she'd ever had.
She hoped she'd made that clear to Susie. Noelle hoped that that thought would bring Susie some sort of consolation from the pain she would inevitably experience.
Noelle wished they could have had more time. Susie's presence had helped remedy Noelle's pain.
But even Susie couldn't free Noelle. There was only one person who could do that.
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Water rushed into her nose and mouth.
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She was under, but somehow, she still found it in her to speak.
"Kris, you can still hear me, can't you?!"
They just had to keep saying it, and she could do it.
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"Kris... Keep... Saying it!!"
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Every time her legs almost gave out, those words, giving her the strength to keep going. "K...Kris....!"
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Her drowning lungs screamed, but she still couldn't stop. She could feel it, so close...
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They were almost there. Please, oh, please, just keep...
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They were going to make it, she knew it. Please, now, just one final push....
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