Archive of Our Own

"You having a good time?" Two-Bit grinned.

"It'll be better once we get done with all this damn walking."

"The hike is part of the fun, Darry!" He swung their clasped hands back and forth between them. "Got to work for your meals."

"I work for my meals enough already."

"Ha. ha." Two-Bit snarked. "We'll be there soon."

Darry rolled his eyes. "You're not the one holding the damn basket."

"We can swap if you want."

"No… I just wanted to complain."

Two-Bit laughed.

"You're right, though. It's nice getting out. Especially not just for working." He squeezed Two-Bit's hand. "And getting to be alone."

Two-Bit stopped walking.

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah." He stepped forward and kissed Darry. "I love you."

"Oh…" He smiled. "I love you too."

"I think we're far enough off the path-"

"THANK GOD."

Two-Bit snickered.

"Pass me the blanket."

Two-Bit rifled through the basket. "Uhhhh-"

"What?"

"I think I forgot it."

Darry rubbed his forehead. "The most important part!"

"Well, I remembered the food! I would say that's more important!"

Darry rolled his eyes. "Of course you would-"

"You can sit on my jacket if you want."

"No, it's ok." He sighed, plopping down into the thick grass. "What food did you pack then?"

"We've gotttttt… sandwiches. I did ham and cheese and PB&J. I figured we'd be hungry enough we could probably eat both… those corn chips everybody refuses to eat-"

"For good reason. They're probably stale-"

"AND sodas. Grape soda for me. Root beer for you."

"My favorite."

"Of course. Also, just like some apples and whatever else I threw in there in case we were still hungry. I honestly can't remember…"

Darry laughed. "I'll start with a PB&J."

"Ya got it." He passed one of the sandwiches over.

"It's Soda's turn for dinner tonight… We might wanna get some extra stuff from the store after… just in case…"

"He's gotten better at cooking… but yeah… we should…"

"Speaking of, good sandwich."

"Thank you. Hard to fuck up, though." He paused to swallow. "Two ingredients and all."

"Three and don't speak with your mouth full."

"We're at what… two decades of you telling me that? You might have been the most uptight eight-year-old I've ever known."

Darry rolled his eyes. "I only have to keep saying it cause you keep doing it."

"Mhmm… fair…"

"How are your folks doing, Two-Bit? I haven't come around in a while."

"…I haven't been around any more than you."

"Everything ok?"

"My mom's sort of in a fuss right now."

"Mhm." He frowned.

It wasn't so shocking. Somehow, they bumped heads even more after Two-Bit moved in with him. He'd assumed she'd be more grateful to have him out of the house… but not his business.

"What about not-so-baby-bit?"

Two-Bit smiled. "She's fixing to start high school. She's not like me… She's smart, so… she'll do well."

"…That's a bit mean to yourself."

"Maybe," He shrugged. "But it's true."

"Maybe you're not AS smart, but you're doing fine."

"Fine might be too generous."

Darry set his second sandwich down. "Are you doing ok, Two-Bit?"

"Oh, yeah. Honey, don't worry about me." He waved his hand.

"Too late."

Two-Bit sighed. "I'm just a little down, baby. Life is sort of… I don't know. Life isn't treating me the best right now. I'm having a time trying to find work again."

"Well, that's just how it is sometimes. I'm sure you'll find work soon enough."

Two-Bit frowned.

"What's wrong, honey?"

"I don't have the best reputation around town… I mean neither of us do, for… us being together all the time. And I haven't got the smarts. And I don't know. People don't seem to like me."

"I like you just fine."

"Sure, you, your brothers, and Steve. And people like me when I'm funny. But that's kinda it. They don't like me when I'm anything else."

"That's-"

"Not true for you, your brothers, and MAYBE Steve… but no one else, baby."

Darry furrowed his brows.

"I'm sorry… I'm being a real downer."

"And that's ok! You don't have to be upbeat all the time. You just have to be you."

"Let's just enjoy our date, ok?" Two-Bit sighed.

"…Okay."

"It's been nice having Steve around, hmm?" Two-Bit changed the subject.

"Yeah." He smiled. "I'm sure he'll be heading back home after this weekend."

"I bet he's got Evie pregnant. They ain't even been eloped a month, too-"

"She is not!"

"How do YOU know?" Two-Bit cocked an eyebrow.

"How do YOU?"

"She's getting fat."

Darry cackled. "Oh, fuck off. She's not pregnant. I'd know. Women always get all glowy in the face when they are… My mom always did."

"Shit, mine didn't. My mama just looked all red in the face."

"That's the glow, dummy."

"OHHH!"

Darry laughed. "Steve's just fattening her up. It's good for her, though. She's kinda worried me how thin she used to be."

"…How do you think Soda's doing?"

"It's uhh… It's definitely an adjustment."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Fineeee. Don't tell me then."

"I really wish you brought the blanket, baby." He leaned against Two-Bit's chest. "I just wanna lay down and cuddle."

"We can still do that." He wrapped his arms around Darry, flopping down into the grass.

"It's a good thing it's not too muddy out."

"Mhm." He ran a hand through Darry's hair.

"Thank you, honey. I've missed us having some alone time. I'm just so busy with work…"

"You can say that again." Two-Bit interrupted.

"I love you, Two."

"I love you more."

"I love you mostest."

"I love you moremostest."

"I don't think I can compete with that…"

"Ha. I win."

"You always do… God, I'm getting sleepy."

"I should have known. You always get sleepy when we cuddle."

"No, I don't…! Maybe all the walking… or the food."

"Sure, honey."

"Exactly. I'm always right."

Two-Bit laughed. "We can head back early if you want. I'll drive us back so you can rest."

"Noooo. I'm really enjoying being with you out here. It beats being at home."

"Alright. Longer it is."

"God, but we're gonna have to walk alllll the way back."

"Yeah…" Two-Bit kissed his forehead, grinning. "But at least I'll hold the basket this time."

"I had fun today." Darry leaned his head on Two-Bit's shoulder.

"Mhm." Two-Bit pulled Darry's arm over his shoulder to hold his hand against his chest. "Me too."

"I could use just like a fat nap about now."

"I don't knowwww… I have some energy left." He brought Darry's hand up to kiss the back of it. "Enough to get busy."

Darry laughed. "Horn dog… We have a full house today, Keith. And I'm tired."

"'Keith', wow. So stern. I can get Steve to take 'em to the movies." He grinned. "What better way to end such a nice dayyy?"

"I don't know, Two-Bit…" He looked away.

"C'monnn, you know you wanna."

"I don't actually." Darry rolled his eyes.

"You totally do. You're always so pent up, gosh."

"Fuck off." He pulled away, leaning back against the couch.

"Pleaseeeeee. You don't even have to get me off if you don't wanna." Two-Bit pulled him closer again.

"Obviously... I don't have to do anything but pay taxes and die."

"Exactly."

Darry closed his eyes.

"Pleaseeeee." Two-Bit whined.

"I don't know…" Darry laughed awkwardly. "Fuck off, I wanna sleep." He settled into Two-Bit's shoulder.

"You'll sleep real good after." He teased.

Darry frowned.

"Please, please, please, please, pleaseeeeeeee-"

"Dummy. You're so desperate," He said before sitting up.

"Come onnnnnn. You can just lay there!"

Darry's face went flat. "…No." He said firmly.

Two-Bit's fell too. "I'm sorry."

"I said no."

"Okay, yeah! Why don't you go lay down, or we can both take a nap. I think I could-"

"This isn't funny." That familiar shake that started to make it hard to hold his head upright appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. He knew it wouldn't be long before it would swallow up the whole of his body.

"I… I didn't say it was." Two-Bit's face started to get white, his specks of freckles standing out even more than usual. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed… I thought we were just joking around. You know I wouldn't make you do anything you don't want."

"You promised me." Darry blinked hard. It hurt trying to stay still. "You fucking promised me you'd never do this."

"You said no. I'm respecting that, ok? Ok?" Two-Bit laughed nervously. "I just missed out on the signs, honey."

"No, you didn't. If I wanted to have sex, you KNOW by now I wouldn't keep telling you no in other ways." He gulped down the rising in his throat. He was worried he wouldn't be able to speak anymore soon.

"But you do that a lot, Darry. I mean the song and dance of pretending you aren't wanting sex when you do, out of being chaste or something." Two-Bit pitched his voice up. "'No, Two-Bit! What if someone catches us!'"He waved his hands as if the whole affair was nothing but flippant. "I just thought it was that… I'm sorry."

Darry bit the inside of his cheek. Something about that answer made him really angry. "Look, sex isn't as easy for me as it is you-"

"Ain't that the truth."

"Be serious for ONCE, Two-Bit. I'm NOT fucking around."

"Ok, sorry." He frowned. "I just wanted to lighten the mood."

"It's not the time for that. This is serious for me!"

"Alright… Okay, I get it."

"…I feel guilty wanting sex. Like guilty for admitting I want it. But at the same time, I feel guilty denying people it. Like I should just be grateful they want anything to do with my body." Darry glanced away. "So yeah… Ok, yeah. It's hard to be honest about how I feel about things. That's why I ask you to… to be careful-"

"That shouldn't be my job, Darry. You have a voice so-"

"And I used it! I told you we have a full house, I said I was tired, I said to leave it alone-"

"All you had to do was say no. At first… You didn't say no-"

Darry covered his ears. "I fucking hate that phrase! God! Paul said the same thing! I don't understand…"

Two-Bit interrupted quickly. "I'm sorry… Really, I'm sorry. Oh, honey-"

"It just never fucking ends, does it? People can swear for YEARS, they would never. They can say the right things. You can trust them with your fucking life. But you're never safe. One day, they can wake up and decide your body should be their fucking right. Just cause they did you the kindness long enough of making a show of caring for you, and that's their reward." He dropped his hands. "You can have a great day. A great year. Years even. And they show their ass after they've softened you. And you're just supposed to go along because sex, even when you don't want to give it, is just supposed to be some little sacrifice to be loved."

The shakes were spreading to his voice. In the past, his throat would have gotten too tight to speak. Even being able to get it out at all was progress. Standing up for himself honestly was progress. Not just giving in and letting himself be used was progress.

"I'm so sorry, Darry. I just… I don't know how to make this right… I didn't mean… I don't… I'm sorry-"

"Sorry isn't enough. You can't just put this back in the bottle. You've just… I can't trust you anymore."

"Whoa. Darry, this was one slip-up, ok? Honey, I wasn't thinking, and I will NEVER make this mistake aga-"

"But you did! Just now you did! You know how I feel about these things!"

"Honey, I think you are blowing this out of proportion."

"Do not honey me right now." Darry's eyes started to water.

"Sor-"

"It's a slippery slope, Two. It ALWAYS starts like this. Hoping fences in little ways. Like I ask you to get permission before you kiss me. You don't ask anymore. And you didn't ask if it was ok to just not to do it anymore. And I let it go because I trust you. I trusted you. And you haven't abused that trust, but there's something to the fact you think you're special enough that, as a reward, I should let these things go for you. That they don't apply anymore-"

Two-Bit cleared his throat. "I'll ask in the future. I'm sorry. I just… You didn't tell me about the kissing. I didn't know that was bothering-"

"You're missing the point! This isn't about the fucking kissing, Keith!" Darry rubbed his face on his arm. "This is how it starts! I let things go, and people take advantage of that! I trust them! And they take advantage of me! You stop having to ask to kiss… You stop having to ask to fuck me... And you KNOW what I've been through! You know!"

"Glory… Ok, Darry, slow down. I get you might be really upset by this. But just because any of that has happened does NOT mean I'm going… going to… rape you."

"You could say Paul never did. But you say he did. It's not like he ever… just pinned me down. If he did, I could've fought him off anytime. But he would BEG. Just like this. Just wear me down till I would give in. It didn't matter how many nos or how visibly uncomfortable I might be. He'd just keep pushing for it. And I just stopped saying anything at all. I'd just let him do it whenever he wanted so it could be over fast… And because I loved him. And I wanted him to keep loving me."

"This isn't… this isn't that."

Darry wrapped his arms around himself. "If I hadn't really said no. What would have happened next? Would you really have just gotten me to lay there? If… if I was in a worse place I'd have probably just let-"

"Darry, I would have let it go!"

"Would you!?"

"Yes! Yes! Fuck, honey!"

"Paul would always say that… that I 'just have to lay there'. It doesn't make it better. It doesn't at all." Darry closed his eyes. "I don't want to have to do that anymore. I'm so tired of that. Just… lying down, losing touch with my body for someone else's sake."

"I'm… I'm so sorry. I didn't know-"

"I have TOLD you about this before. A million times over, I have TOLD you."

"I just… I don't think this is the same. This isn't the same. I wouldn't… I mean, I wouldn't ever do that to you, honey. You know that, right? You know I'm not that kind of person. I just got caught up in the… in the moment."

"If it was any other guy, you KNOW you would say exactly where he should shove it. You don't get to say it's only bad when someone else does it."

"I'm not saying that… And I want to say I'm really proud of how you said no today. I know that-"

"I shouldn't have had to! It should have been enough! It should have been enough that I pulled away from you. You know enough to know that I don't ever call you Keith unless I'm serious! You know I only laugh like that when I'm uncomfortable. Fuck! Just my words! I said I was tired! I said I just wanted to take a goddamn nap-"

"Darry, you were smiling! Acting like we were kidding around. How was I supposed to know I was upsetting you…"

"You know just how difficult it is for me to say no! You know I can't do it always, but you want to still push when I'm ducking your-"

"Darry! Fuck! I'm not a mind reader-"

"But you know me! You know when I'm uncomfortable! You do! You know enough to know when I'm wanting alone time, even if I don't say it. You know enough to know when I'm hurt, even if I don't say it. You know enough to know a hell of a lot of things just looking at me. So do not act like you can't tell! You could! You could if you CARED to pay attention to my body language or tone, but you didn't-"

"It shouldn't be like staring at a crystal ball with my partner. Darry, I shouldn't even have to do all that-"

"But you signed on to! We've been together years! And you know what I'm been through before. You've been here the whole time… watching me heal. Helping me heal! You know I need more care. More patience. More understanding. You don't get to be angry now that you still have to provide that! This is just part of the deal if you want to date me! And if you can't-" Darry's shoulders shook. "If you can't then-"

Two-Bit softened. "Honey, I just… I just thought we were at a point that maybe I don't have to be so… proactive. I don't mean to make you feel like it's a burden for me to love you. You could never be. I don't mind doing things that give you security, but… it really is a lot sometimes."

"Yeah." He exhaled hard. "I told you not to honey me."

"Got it. No honey."

"Thank you."

"Mhm."

Darry furrowed his brows.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, it's something."

"You can tell I'm feeling off now… but somehow you didn't then."

"Darry, I really just misread-"

"I don't like this."

"What?"

"It's not so much about what happened anymore… I understand miscommunications happen. I understand you or I could have been mistaken… but it's about the way you're responding to it. I really don't like it. I don't. I can't put it into words, but it's making me feel really bad inside. I don't know, it just feels bad."

"I don't really know how to respond, Darry. This is all kind of a lot. I think we should maybe just pipe down-"

"It's bothering me… because you don't seem to understand how serious this is to me. Like you're just playing along to shut me up. You aren't seeing it. You're not sorry because you did it! You're sorry because now I'm upset at you! I can TELL you don't think you've done anything wrong. I need you to know I know what I'm talking about-"

"Honey-"

"Just be honest with me."

"Ok, fine! Yes! I think you're being RIDICULOUS! I'm SOOOO sorry for wanting to have sex with my partner. I'm SOOOO very sorry for being playful about wanting to have sex, ok! I don't think it needs to be some big production every time. I mean, shit, why do I even need permission JUST to kiss MY lover? It's EXHAUSTING! I don't see why I deserve to be punished-"

Darry interrupted with a gasp. "Right… so you think you are just entitled to have sex or any physical intimacy, no questions asked, just cause we're partners."

Two-Bit groaned. "I didn't say that."

"But you MEANT that."

"Darry, I love you so so much-"

"But the way I want to be loved by you… I would want you to always be looking out for my best interest as much as you do for you."

"And I do, Darrel."

"No… because if you did, then you would go 'Aww, honey, go lay down, then'. Or 'Yeah, some other time'. That would be more important to you than me getting you off."

"Aww, honey, go lay down." He parroted.

"It's too late." Darry scoffed. "You have to do it without me having to ask you. You have to make that call in the moment."

Two-Bit groaned. "I can't just magically know what you would want, Darry."

"Baby, I think having known each other damn near as long as we've been alive, you should have a damn good idea. At least one better than what you chose. "

"Honey-"

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO HONEY ME! You are not LISTENING to me! You aren't HEARING me! You don't care when I deny you! You'll do it anyway! THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! It's honey today, and just shut up and let me have this tomorrow."

"Calling you honey has nothing to do with this… with you being paranoid about… about rape-"

"But it does! It's the intention! It's the fact that you've shown you're prepared to just bulldoze over me for your own wants! Even just for whatever you think is best or feels right, regardless of the words I say about what I actually want from you! Maybe it won't be rape. But it will lead to something I don't want!" He exhaled hard.

"You're not making sense, I mean-"

"It's not making sense to you. TO YOU. Just because we don't see it the same, that doesn't mean I can't feel how I feel. Or think how I think! It doesn't make it any less real to ME!"

"Honey-"

"I'm not gonna make myself blue in the face. I'm done. I've told you what I don't want to see from you… It's up to me for what I want to do… now that you disrespect that." Darry sighed. "You just… You need to get out tonight. I don't care where you stay, but at least for tonight, I need some space. Some time to-"

"Give me another chance! I love you so much. I just made a mistake, ok? Please, please, please-"

"No."

Two-Bit got on his knees in front of him. "Darry… I'm begging-"

"I said no. I meant no!"

Two-Bit stood up. "YEARS TOGETHER. YEARS! And you would… dump me for what? Some… Some impossible hypothetical-"

"Rape isn't a impossible hypothetical from anyone. I know that well enough."

Two-Bit scoffed. "You don't have it in you. You'll beg me to come back in an hour. In a week at most."

Darry's jaw dropped. "You taught me not to settle for this. You taught me NEVER to settle for the sliver that hurts me just to keep the parts I love. AND that it NEVER stays just that sliver."

"Darry, Do you honestly think you're gonna find another man to put up with your shit? You are LUCKY to have me! No one else is gonna have this kind of patience with you! Especially when you wanna just switch up at the drop of a dime-"

"AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW! Where is THIS coming from…? Baby, I WAS gonna say that we'd have to start from scratch. That you'd just have to win my trust back, and we could move on in no time, but this… this is worse than I would have ever guessed…"

"We…" He paused. "I mean, we can still do that…"

"It's too late, Two-Bit." He stared down at his shoes, his vision getting blurry all over again. "You already said the quiet part. This is just proving my biggest fears."

"…Are we really done?" Two-Bit sighed.

"Yeah." Darry choked out. He couldn't be bothered to look up from staring at the dirt caking his boots.

"This is just happening so fast, Darry. This can't just be from this… It can't… You should have talked to me if-"

"The only thing before today was the kissing thing. If this had never happened, maybe that wouldn't have even been an issue. And…"

"And what?"

"And why do I even need to tell you about it? The kissing thing is something I've made clear I wanted from the beginning-"

"I had no reason to think that would be forever, Darrel."

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"I just…" He sighed. "I just thought you'd have gotten better than this. I didn't think you would need to be fucking coddled forever."

"Uhm…" Darry finally looked up. "I'd really like you to move out, Two-Bit."

"No." Two-Bit started to cry. "No! Please, you have to give me a chance!"

"I don't have to do anything but pay taxes and die-"

"This is fucking insane, Darrel! I made ONE mistake! And I'm sorry! You can't just… just put me out over this-"

"I'm sorry." He looked away. "No… no I'm not. I just… I'm not gonna feel bad for looking out for myself right now."

"Honey, be reasonable! I know we both have a lot of emotions right now… I'm not sure you're thinking clearly-"

"STEVE!"

"No." He pleaded. "We don't need to involve any-"

"STEVE!!"

Steve finally wandered into the living room. "Uhm… Everything okay?" He said awkwardly.

Two-Bit groaned.

"Can you PLEASE help Two-Bit pack?"

"Whoa. Are you serious?"

Darry nodded.

"He's not. I'll be back in a few days."

Darry closed his eyes. Someone was talking. Maybe Steve, but things were getting all warbled until it went silent. He couldn't tell if his eyes were open or closed anymore. Just that now, he was in water. He hadn't been there for a long time. It used to be that almost anytime he got overwhelmed, he'd be here. Drifting off. Letting the waves control his body. Rocking him here or there. Floating mostly. Sometimes sinking under.

It could be really scary. He would lose time there. Sometimes waking from it behind the wheel or in places he had no idea how he reached. But it was often better than the alternative of staying in the present.

He hadn't needed the water for a long time. But here he was. A slight roar of waves in his ears to complement some ringing from god knows where. He let himself sink, bubbles escaping from his nose. The water was warm today. He let it envelop him. The light sinking further away. He forced all the remaining air from his lungs. He hoped the water might have mercy and take him for good this time. He-

"Hey, Darry, I'm taking the truck, alright?" Two-Bit said. "Why don't you bring this out to the truck, Steve?"

"Uhh, not until Darry says it's ok."

"Darrel."

He was met with silence.

"Darry." Two-Bit snapped his fingers next to Darry's ear. "I'm not coddling you anymore, Darrel. You're gonna have to talk to me like a fucking adult, or I'm just gonna do what I want."

Darry only sat there unmoving.

"DARRY! HELLO." He shook his shoulder, but Darry didn't budge. "I know you fucking hear me! We're not playing this shutting down bullshit-"

"Dude." Steve grabbed his hand. "Leave him alone."

"Whatever. Help me carry-"

"Look, you're not taking the trunk." Steve grabbed the keys off the wall. "Dar's working right now and you ain't. He's gonna need it-"

"I put half into that truck-"

Steve scowled. "No, you didn't! I remember you didn't pay nearly as much as Darry-"

"I just lost my house! I should be allowed to have at this at least!"

"Maybe if you hadn't done whatever the hell you did to get thrown out like THIS." He waved his hand. "This wouldn't be a problem."

"I need it! How else am I supposed to take my stuff?"

He lunged to try to grab the key, but Steve quickly snatched his hand away.

"Take what you can carry now. We'll drop the rest of it off once you settle."

"Fine! I want Darry to-"

"No, Soda and I will do it. You call me-"

"Fuck right off, Steve."

"No. I don't know what the fuck is going on, but somebody ought to look out for Darry if you ain't gonna do it."

"Feels real good doesn't it playing hero? Well, it's not gonna do nothing for you, so you can just fuck off."

"Take what you can and go, Two-Bit!"

"FINE!" He grabbed his suitcase before turning to Darry. "I've been nothing but good to you, Darrel! This is stupid! I'm hurt too, ok… but… But I'm the best thing that ever happened to you! If you wanna put yourself on the market all over again after five fucking years, be my guest! Hope you're happy, dumbass!"

"Alright… This isn't a good look. I think he's really done, man-"

"Sure! In that case, let's just hope the next one doesn't fucking rape him."

Steve gasped, but by the time he'd taken a step forward, Two-Bit had slammed the screen door behind him.

"Jesus Christ." He turned to check on Darry, but his eyes were still glazed over.

Steve stood there in shock. To be frank, he didn't know for certain that Darry and Two-Bit were dating till today. Sodapop and Ponyboy would hint as much, but he was never sure if they were only joking. Or if they themselves even knew whether it was a joke or not.

He started pacing.

"…I don't know if you can hear, but he left, ok? I… I think I'm just gonna sit here with you. I don't feel good about leaving you alone. I don't know what to do. I might go get Soda, but I really don't wanna leave you alone-"

Darry interrupted him with a sob. He dropped his head into his hands.

"Jesus, Dar."

"I'm sorry for involving you. I just… I was scared to handle it alone."

"It's ok. It's really ok. I was just so worried about you. I heard you guys being loud in here, but I just thought y'all were kidding around. And then… It's like we were talking and stuff, but you wouldn't respond. It was freaking me out-"

"My baby… My sweet baby would never do this to me. My baby would NOT talk to me like this. He would NOT treat me like this. This is NOT happening." Darry sobbed.

It was like his heart was yanked a million different ways before imploding into pieces. The tightness of his chest and lungs, all that remained.

"It's my fault. It's my fault. How could I be so stupid? He catcalls girls and can be so handsy. Why would I think I'm special?"

Steve sat down next to him. "He… He didn't uhm…"

"No. Two-Bit didn't."

"Thank god." He rubbed Darry's back.

Darry jumped.

"Sorry…" He dropped his hand. "You don't have to tell me, ok. I know… I know as much as you must love him, you wouldn't do nothing like this unless you had to."

"I really, really, really don't want to. But I have to. I need to. God. God, I can't believe this. My baby."

"Yeah." He swallowed hard.

"I'm so sorry. This is really out of character for me."

"It's ok, Dar."

"Where are Pony and Soda?" He started to rock himself back and forth. "God, I'm gonna be sick. It feels like I'm dying." He sobbed. "I feel like I'm dying."

"Do you want me to get them?"

"No. No, I really don't."

"Ok… They're mowing behind the house, though. Remember? The grass has gotten-"

"Don't tell them about this, ok?"

"Yeah, Dar."

"Seriously… I'm so humiliated." He whispered.

"Seriously."

"I think Two… I'm gonna be sick. He's the only one to see me cry in years."

"If you gotta cry, you gotta cry. Don't fight it."

"What am I gonna tell everyone? I can't believe this. I- I should have sent him off with some money. At least enough for a motel."

"He'll be okay… And you'll be okay."

Darry sat up.

Steve sighed. "I'm sorry. I just don't know what to say. Did you hear… he-"

"Mhm. I heard."

"It's… It's none of my business."

Darry wiped his face on his arm. "Good, cause I'm not gonna tell you."

Steve nodded. "Can I do something for you to help?" He asked awkwardly. "Something if you do get sick or water…?"

"No."

"Alright-"

"Thank you for speaking up for me and everything. I get overwhelmed by things sometimes. And it gets really hard to talk or move. I don't know. I don't know."

"Sure. Any of us woulda stepped up, Dar… Can I tell you something? It might make you feel better… I just… I don't know."

Darry nodded.

"…You can't tell ANYONE else this, but… me and Evie… We haven't actually uhm, we haven't ever consummated things…"

Darry gasped. "Are you serious…?"

"Yeah, I've just been telling tales." He laughed sheepishly. "I wanted to keep up with everyone else talking about girls and stuff, y'know?"

"Can… I ask why?"

"My baby's like you. She says it hurts too much to try after… yeah. After it happened. It was way before I met her, but… yeah."

"…I'm sorry."

"But I love her. I wouldn't ever hold it over her head. No matter the fight. No matter anything. So… I say this all to say Two-Bit's wrong. There are somebodies out there who won't do you wrong."

"But… He's probably right. I'll probably just take him back. I don't think I'm strong enough..."

"Darry, I think after what he said, somebody is liable to bash his head in if he comes back around."

"He means a lot to me… I don't think I can stomach losing him."

"…Darry…"

"I don't know… I'm sorry…"

"You'll have me, and Soda, and Pony…"

"And that's it."

"That ain't true, Dar. You have others-"

"But they aren't like y'all. Ya'll are family. You too by now. I don't really have any true friends. I guess… I hadn't really thought about how alone I am till now. I just thought Two-Bit would be forever, so… I never bothered…"

"Evie might like to be your friend… And maybe Kathy."

An awkward silence settled. Neither was sure what to say. Or where to start.

Darry cleared his throat suddenly. "Think I'm just gonna go lay down. I'm overdue for a nap." He stood up. "Nobody wake me till dinner."