Chapter Text
“I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real”
Anorexia ruined Ryūnosuke. It took away everything from him. His lover, that couldn’t handle watching him die anymore. His job, as he was too weak to do anything. His social life, as he avoided any meetings that could include eating. His health, his organs, his body. His life.
Akutagawa is a dying man, and now he has a chance to get everything back, everything that he lost.
This illness took many and it had a chance of killing him as well. His organs on the brink of failing. His brain on the verge of chronic damage. But now, he chose to survive. He refused to let the deadliest mental illness to take him too.
Memories haunt him. Nakajima staring at him, with tears in his eyes, saying that he can’t do it anymore. That he truly loves Akutagawa, but he can’t even look at his body without those horrible thoughts of Ryūnosuke dying appearing in his head.
He will never make anyone cry because of his illness again.
He chose recovery.
He heard the diagnosis.
Anorexia nervosa binge-purge subtype
He never felt “sick enough” to be diagnosed.
But now, there is no turning back.
He will survive.
It only hit him a few hours later.
He is going to live. He accepted that he’s going to die because of this illness a long time ago. Now, knowing that it doesn’t have to be this way, Akutagawa doesn’t know how to feel.
It feels as if he was a terminally ill patient suddenly getting told there is a cure. He doesn’t know if he feels happy or peaceful or dreads the future - whatever it is, it’s a strong feeling.