Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Admittedly, as much as he wanted to stay away, Aaron got tired of the whole "secluded house in the woods" thing pretty quickly.

It wasn't because he missed Robert, no matter how much Mackenzie, now back from his trip to London, kept telling him it was. He regrets telling Mackenzie about the whole thing in the first place, considering the man really does not know how to keep his idiotic thoughts to himself. It's not like Aaron ever asked for his advice. Well, except for the fact that he did. Pretty regularly actually. It's just that he never really liked any of Mackenzie's answers. "You love Robert," he keeps saying, "John deserves to know the truth." As if it's that simple. Mackenzie wasn't there for the highs and lows of Aaron and Robert's first go of things. Or the second, or the third. He doesn't know how destructive they are. He doesn't know they're a ticking time bomb. John, however, is stable. John is safe. John isn't a bundle of thorny vines wrapped around all of Aaron's bones. John's just a man, who Aaron is happily married to.

But, the house in the woods was boring. And lonely. No matter what Mackenzie says, what Aaron really missed is the village itself. He missed his mum, and Eve, and Paddy, missed quiet walks by himself early in the morning before the sun comes up, missed the hum of voices in the pub, the kids chasing each other through the street in the afternoons. And although he would probably never admit it, he missed not having John breathing down his neck every second of every day. The holiday was fine, for a while, but after a month and a half of only having John to talk to, with occasional texts from Mackenzie or Vinny, and a few visits from his mum and sister, he felt like he might bite the poor bloke's head off.

He likes John, enjoys his company just fine, but Aaron can only handle so much constant asking for reassurance before he needs space. Lots of space.

So they move back.

John isn't exactly thrilled. It takes a lot of convincing on Aaron's part to assure him that it has nothing to do with Robert, and that he isn't avoiding him. And he has to keep convincing him every time he stays at the scrapyard longer than he usually does, or spends evenings at the Woolpack watching cartoons with Eve.

Part of Aaron gets a bit paranoid that John somehow found out about his little slip-up with Robert. But he knows if he had, he would've confronted him. The response would be anger, not quiet desperation. So Aaron keeps reassuring him that everything is fine, verbally and physically, and he avoids Robert like the plague.

Robert, to his credit, seems to have decided to back off. The sulking doesn't stop, of course, and neither does the staring. Aaron can feel it. Any time they even get anywhere near each other he can feel Robert's eyes on him, can practically hear him pleading for Aaron to destroy the life he's built. But he says nothing. He sits on the bench outside Keeper's with his morning coffee and watches Aaron on his walks, he smiles at Eve and Harry bickering at the playground, buys Aaron and John pints every once in a while. But he never says anything. No more trying to convince Aaron of anything, no more showing up at the flat unannounced, no more texts. Nothing.

If the nearly two months away were good for anything, it was that it seemed to prove to Robert that what happened really was just a mistake, nothing more.

The first real conversation they have in weeks is on the anniversary of Liv's death. Robert's been acting even more off than usual. Even John notices, early in October, when Robert stops having drinks with Ross and Matty and Mack in the corner of the pub, when he stops laughing with Harry as often, when he spaces out and stares at nothing even more than he usually does. Aaron tells him he doesn't know what's up with him. He doesn't mention their wedding anniversary. In fact, on the day itself, he doesn't leave his flat at all. He feels like even making eye-contact with Robert on that day would be walking a tightrope, and he knows exactly what the spikes at the bottom of that particular pit look like.

But Liv is different.

Robert never wanted to leave Liv. Liv was theirs, not just Aaron's. They were a family, the four of them together. And Aaron missed that, missed her, missed it all so much it made him want to run and hide.

So he decides to break the silence. Just this once. Because what he lost when Liv died, Robert lost it too. And Aaron misses him.

He finds Robert in his usual place on the bench with his coffee, the early morning grey of the sky reaching down to fill the street with fog. The past few weeks, Robert's been staring blankly into his coffee instead of trying to catch Aaron's eye when he walks. Zoned out, like he isn't even really there. When Aaron sits down next to him instead of walking past, Robert flinches so hard he almost spills his coffee all over himself. Aaron tries not to laugh at his frustrated huffing.

"Damn it, Aaron! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Wasn't sneaking."

Robert sighs and rubs at one of his eyes. Up close, Aaron can see how heavy his bags are. Robert mutters an apology, then sort of stares at Aaron like he's waiting for him to say something. Aaron takes way too long to realize that it makes sense for Robert to expect that, considering Aaron walked right up and sat next to him after not talking to him for two months.

Probably best to just rip the plaster off.

"It's the anniversary of Liv's death." he says.

Something in Robert's expression cracks.

"Wh— today?" he asks.

Aaron nods, and feels a little bit sick. Part of him hates that Robert didn't know. Another part knows he has no reason to, that there was no way Robert could've known. That part hates Robert a bit too, because he could've known, if he hadn't cut everyone off. But he doesn't want to spend today angry. Anger was one thing he and Liv always shared, especially near the end. Anger at the world, anger at themselves, anger at each other. He spent so much time seething and heartbroken, watching her drink herself to incoherence day after day, hating her for it, hating herself for failing to help her. And just when he'd started to put things right, she was taken from him. So the anger, he thinks, should stay in the past with her. At least for now.

"Aaron, why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry."

Robert sighs again, and stares down at his hands, which are gripping his mug so tight that his knuckles are white.

"No, I am. I should've known, I should've…" he trails off.

"There was this trail she liked to walk." Aaron says, "Me and Vinny, and maybe Vic, we were gonna walk it together. Y'know, to… remember her, I guess. You should come."

Robert just stares at him for a minute.

"Today?" he asks.

Aaron tries not to roll his eyes. Reminds himself that Robert hasn't been himself lately, it's understandable if he's gotten a bit slow on the uptick.

"Yes, Robert. Today. Sort of the whole point, innit?" he says, swatting at Robert's leg gently with the back of his hand. Robert seems a bit stunned at the contact, staring down momentarily before switching to… nervous fidgeting. He runs a palm up and down his thigh, looks up at the sky, and starts breathing with intention, like he's trying to calm himself down.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Robert squeezes his eyes shut and tenses up, trying to make himself smaller.

"Aaron, I can't today. I have… I have a thing. I can't— I can't get out of it."

What?

"Look, if you're worried about John being there—"

"No, no that's not— I don't care what he does."

"Then what?"

"I… I have a meeting. With my parole officer."

"You can't reschedule?"

"Not on such short notice, no."

Maybe he should've talked to Robert sooner. Maybe he should've kept to his word about helping Robert rather than running at the first sign of trouble.

"I'm so sorry, Aaron." he says. Aaron just nods and stares it his own hands in his lap. There isn't much left to say, but he doesn't want to leave. He doesn't want this conversation to be over. He also doesn't really want it to continue either. He wants to spend the whole day with Robert. He wants to go back to a time before he lost everything. He wants to sit on this bench with Robert in the quiet of the early morning forever.

"We can do something else, if you want. Just the two of us." Robert suggests, sounding kind of nervous. Aaron laughs a little. "Not— not like that."

"Robert—"

"I don't want you to leave again." he says. "You kept telling me I should stay, that this place is my home, that my life is here. And then you left."

In hindsight, Aaron should've been more prepared for the conversation to pivot this direction.

"I have no life. I've got nothing. If anything, I should be the one who leaves."

"What are you trying to say?"

"Nothing, I just— I'm keeping my distance, I'm trying to be good… The last thing I want is to— to chase you away again."

There it is.

"I just needed space, Rob. And, as it turns out, living in a cottage in the middle of nowhere isn't all it's cracked up to be anyway."

Robert finally smiles at that. It's the same one he's worn a lot since he got out. Soft, and sad, but still just as warm as it always was. Aaron loves it. Keeps watching it until it fades and Robert looks away.

"I am sorry. About everything that's happened." he says. Robert bites his lip and shakes his head. "I shouldn't have made you think there was something there when there wasn't. It's my fault. You did nothing wrong."

it takes a while for Robert to respond.

"Just… no more mixed messages, okay?"

"I swear."

"We can't be mates if you can't be straight with me."

Aaron opens his mouth to respond but Robert adds a "Not like that." before he can.

"Come on, that was too easy." he says instead. Robert smiles again. Laughs even.

"Would probably be a lot easier on me if you were."

It's a stupid joke. The kind that would normally make Aaron roll his eyes. But Robert is laughing, and the sun is lighting up his green eyes with it's golden glow, and his freckles have been darkening from time spent out on the farm, so he doesn't care. All he wants is to keep making Robert laugh.

"You gonna make us some coffee then?" he asks. Robert gets that nervous look on his face again.

"You don't have to get back to John?"

"Nah, he's got work."

Robert nods, and seems to think about something for a moment, then gets up to go inside.

Maybe Robert can't make it to their little hike or whatever for Liv, maybe he can't give back all the time they lost, maybe Aaron can't make quiet mornings with Robert last forever. But they can sip coffee together while they listen to the sounds of the village waking up, like they used to. For now, that can be enough.

★

Robert hasn't slept once without having a nightmare since Kev showed up at his doorstep and told him he was dying, but after Kev tells him he's being released, he doesn't sleep at all. He ends up on the couch, since his tiny room makes him feel like the walls are closing in on him. He's almost tempted to sleep outside in the open air, if he wasn't sure that would remind everyone in the village that he's completely lost his mind. They already look at him like he's broken, he doesn't want to give them any more reasons to.

Vic finds him staring at the wall the morning Kev is meant to get out. By the time he hears her saying his name, he can tell by her tone that it took him a while to hear her. She's been doing that recently, saying his name from across the room instead of walking right up to him. He hates that she has to, but he also appreciates it. She's always been like that. Considerate.

"Robert, I know there's something you're not telling me about Kev." she says as she slowly sits down next to him.

He doesn't respond. He does glance at her though, just to let her know he heard her.

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

"I don't need help, Vic. He's my husband, I… I want to see him. I'm glad."

"Then why have your nightmares gotten worse?"

He doesn't respond to that either.

Vic sighs.

"Robert, if he's… if he's violent—"

"I wouldn't let anyone get hurt."

"So he is, then."

"I didn't say that."

"If you think he's dangerous, I can't have him around Harry."

"I know, Vic. I told you, he would never hurt Harry. Or you."

"Would he hurt you?"

"Why d'you keep assuming that? Just because he didn't make great decisions in his past doesn't make him a bad person. I mean, half the people in this village are criminals! Do I need to remind you where I met him?"

"Okay! Okay, just relax. I'm sorry, alright? I'm just worried about ya."

Robert feels bad for snapping at her. Sometimes he feels like the longer he spends in the real world, the more he hates the person prison turned him into. He sighs. Tries to backtrack.

"I just don't want him finding out why I came back. He thinks… he thinks I appealed because I needed to look after you."

"Me? Why would you need to look after me?"

"I… I told him you had a brain tumor. And you had to have surgery. And that you could've died."

"Robert." she says, "That's ridiculous."

He laughs a little, then puts his head in his hands.

"Yeah, yeah I know. I just didn't want him to know about… y'know, the Aaron of it all."

Vic gently puts her hand on his knee.

"Promise me you will tell me if something's wrong."

He puts his hand on top of hers and nods.

"I promise."

The good thing about being around Kev is that Robert can sort of go on autopilot. Laughing at Kev's jokes, calming him down when he yells at Matty in the street, it's all muscle memory from how they were in prison. He doesn't really even have to think about it that much. Placating Kev comes naturally to him.

He tries not to read too much into Aaron's facial expressions when Nicola very pointedly introduces him to Kev outside the cafe. John, on the other hand looks delighted. He pulls Robert aside for a moment after Kev walks off.

"It's good you've got a friend, Robert. Someone to talk to." he says with his hand on Robert's arm. "I think this Kev could be exactly what you need to help you get back on your feet."

Robert's not exactly sure he agrees with that sentiment, considering "grounded" is just about the last thing he feels when he's around Kev, but he's been trying to trust John more. As much as he doesn't want to, all evidence points to him being wrong about John, and everyone else being right. Even Aaron seems convinced that John actually has Robert's best interest at heart, and Aaron is usually right.

Perhaps the most unsettling part of the autopilot is how naturally Robert manages to avoid Kev's advances. And the fact that every time he does, Kev seems to get a little bit more on edge. That's how it always was when they were inside. As much as Robert loved Kev, and enjoyed the intimacy of sex, it was often a way to calm Kev down, keep him from lashing out. He mentioned something about some of his medications sometimes making things difficult for him, but that doesn't stop him from asking. Doesn't stop him suggesting it any time they get a moment alone. After a while, Robert decides it's better to just get it over with so Kev can talk about something else for once. He isn't sure how he feels about sucking dick in a vicar's house, but it's not like he hasn't done worse. At least this way, he can be useful to someone.

That night he wakes up from a nightmare he can't remember, and sits in his bed and stares out the window until well after sunrise. The next day he stays at work until Moira gets concerned and sends him home.

Robert hates the gaudy watch Kev gifts him. He doesn't say it. No, the first time he tried to take it off Kev called him ungrateful, grabbed his face and pressed his fingers into his skin hard enough that Robert found himself neurotically checking in the mirror for bruises for days afterwards. But it felt like a collar. Felt like a tag that says "Property of Kev". In prison, that would've been a good thing. Being Kev's meant being safe. But out here, at home, it's different. He knows people notice when he wears it. It's bright and shiny and and intensifies the looks people have been giving him since the moment Kev rocked up. He knows what people think of him. Weak. Shallow. He knows that everything Kev does confirms their suspicions. But he says nothing. If he stays on everyone's good side, they might not mention to Kev the real reason Robert was in such a hurry to be released.

Robert avoids wearing the watch whenever he can.

Every time he looks at it, he sees the look Aaron gave him from across the street just after Kev gave it to him. He sees Aaron laughing, and walking away, and he hates that more than he hates how flashy it is. Hates that more than the trapped feeling he gets when it's wrapped around his wrist, the way the weight of it echoes Kev's hands.

Up until Kev decided, without talking to Robert, that he was ready to tell everyone about their relationship, things had been good with Aaron. Not perfect. But fine. They weren't best mates, far from it. But they were friendly.

After Aaron finds out he's been married for years, he doesn't even look at him for weeks. Robert tries to pretend it doesn't bother him.

★

Finding out that Robert was married had been the best news John had heard in ages. Finally he felt like things were falling into place. He and Aaron were happy, the police had stopped sniffing around about Nate, and Robert was leaving them alone for once in his life. John had a lot to be grateful for, and one of those things was Kev. He had a way of keeping Robert in line that was like nothing John had ever seen. Robert's snide comments had become practically nonexistent. He went to work, sat nearly silently in the pub with Kev in the evenings, and went home. He walked around like he was a ghost, which was almost as good as him not being there at all.

Aaron, of course, isn't a big fan of Kev. Kev had got it in his head somehow that Aaron still had any interest in being with Robert, and while John didn't love the way Kev's anger sometimes manifested, the idea itself was laughable. No way would Aaron want to be with someone so weak. So incapable of supporting him. No, Kev could keep Robert. Everyone was better off that way.

John can feel himself grin when he overhears Kev and Robert arguing in the alley by the pub. He stands on the corner and watches as Robert pathetically tries to pry his wrists out of Kev's hands, whining about Kev's grip hurting him.

"How many times I have to tell you, eh?"

"Kev, I told ya, I didn't mean it."

"You wanna make a fool of me, is that it?"

"No, I swear, just let go, please."

Kev does, with a shove that forces Robert's back into the stone wall. Robert holds out his hands in front of him in some futile attempt to guard himself.

"There. Happy?"

"Kev, I'm sorry."

"Why don't I believe you?"

It's fascinating to watch. A frantic Kev and a panicked Robert. John's own brother reduced to cowering and begging. If it were anyone but Robert, John would be losing respect for Kev by the second. Instead he finds himself feeling the opposite. Their back and forth continues until Kev slaps Robert across the face with enough force that it throws him off balance, and he has to place a hand on the wall behind him for purchase. John feels like he could laugh or cheer if he knew it wouldn't ruin the moment, or worse, put a target on his own back.

Most of their arguing— Kev's ranting about respect and dignity mixed with Robert's pathetic whimpering— happens in hushed tones, most likely because neither of them would want to be found with Robert backed against a wall with a bloody lip, but when Kev punches Robert in the stomach, his groan cuts through the quiet evening air like a knife. Kev slaps a hand over Robert's mouth, slamming his head back into the wall.

"Keep your trap shut, will ya?"

Robert just nods frantically, and puts out his hands again as Kev deals him more blows to the gut, like it'll do anything to stop him.

It's only when one of Kev's hands ends up around Robert's throat that John thinks for a moment that he might should step in, but Robert, ever the talker, starts begging, maybe even crying.

Kev just laughs, makes some crude joke about choking that John doesn't entirely make out, and Robert tries to shake his head, hands grasping at Kev's and legs pushing against him. Kev eventually lets go, and Robert nearly collapses, sucking in breaths and coughing. Kev slaps him again, harder than he had the first time, and Robert just barely manages to keep himself from falling to the ground completely.

"Don't you dare disrespect me like that again." Kev tells him. John sees Robert nod and say something, but he can't hear it.

"Next time, I won't be so easy on ya, right?" Robert nods again.

John, admittedly, panics for a moment, when Kev starts barrelling his direction. He does manage to make it to the front door of the pub before Kev rounds the corner, acting like he's having a leisurely walk home after a pint. Kev still seems like he's on edge, so John makes sure to avoid eye contact. As much as he finds Kev fascinating, he's much more interested in getting to Robert while he's still down. He's practically shaking with anticipation. He makes sure to wait until Kev's gone before heading back to the corner where he'd been watching from. Robert finally made it to the ground, clutching at his stomach and breathing heavily through his mouth, face turned up to the sky.

"Robert?" he says as if it's his first time seeing him. Robert whips his head toward him and quickly starts struggling to get up. John rushes to him, places a hand on his arm to try and support him. Robert weakly tries to swat him away.

"I'm fine, go away."

"What's happened?"

"Nothing, just—" he manages to stand, albeit precariously, but winces and folds in on himself at the strain on his abdomen.

"At least let me walk you home."

"I'm fine."

"Robert, remember what we talked about? About you letting people help you?"

Robert studies his face, no doubt searching for any hint of insincerity. Well that's just it, isn't it? John really does want to help him. Robert must see this, because he sighs and puts some of his weight onto John's shoulder. Luckily, it isn't a far walk back to Vic's. Even more luckily, she and Harry are gone for the evening at some birthday party for one of Harry's school friends.

After John gets him settled onto the couch, Robert gives him some terrible excuse for a polite smile, thanks him for his help, and tells him he can leave. John shakes his head.

"No. No way. I'm making you a brew and you're telling me what happened to you."

"John." he pleads, but John, of course, ignores him, and goes to the kitchen to put the kettle on.

When he's done he sits on the coffee table across from Robert and forces the warm mug into his hands. Robert stays silent.

"Spill, Robert."

"Nothing happened, I told you, I'm—"

"Yeah, you're fine, so you've said. Except I found you on the ground, you're clearly in pain, and you've got a busted lip."

That last bit seems to startle Robert, and he reaches up and touches his face, where his lip is bigger even than it was when they got inside. Robert sighs and sips his tea and says nothing.

"It's Kev, isn't it?" John asks, and delights in the way Robert shrinks down into himself at it. "Kev did this to you?"

"It's not a big deal."

"Robert."

He waits until Robert meets his eyes before continuing.

"You can tell me anything. I want to help."

There's a long stretch of silence, with John watching as Robert nervously fidgets, before he finally sighs and pipes up.

"He's just been on edge recently, that's all. It isn't easy, y'know, getting out prison, being dumped into the real world after so long. Little things keep setting him off."

"And what little thing set him off this time?"

Robert rolls his eyes. His chin wobbles like a little kid who's about to cry.

"I made some stupid joke at his expense in front of Charles and Claudette. I don't even really remember what I said. I didn't think it was a big deal. He just— doesn't like being… undermined, I guess."

John wishes Kev had gotten out of prison sooner. Someone could've been around putting Robert in his place all this time.

"What exactly did he do to you?"

Robert seems confused that John would ask.

"I need to know what kind of injuries we might be dealing with."

Robert doesn't answer.

"Robert, we're already here, I already know, there no point being ashamed."

The way Robert stares at him would have probably tugged at his heartstrings if he didn't despise him. He looks like a kicked puppy, or maybe a child who's just had his favorite toy snatched away by a bully. One thing about Robert does consistently bring John joy, and it's seeing him at his lowest points. And this. This is the lowest he's seen him to date. John thinks maybe it can't get any better than this, not unless things between Kev and Robert get worse. John puts a pin in that thought, deciding he can think of ways to facilitate that once he's done nursing poor Robert back to health, and gaining some more of his trust.

Robert does start to speak, though it seems to be a struggle for him, even beyond the effects of whatever damage Kev did to him.

"He just— punched me in the stomach a few times. That's all."

John silently points to his fat lip. Robert rolls his eyes.

"And he hit me in the face too, I guess."

John looks down at some fresh bruises blooming on Robert's wrists. He points to those next, and Robert lets out a petulant huff.

"You want every detail?"

"Well, unless you want me to do a full examination."

"Alright. He was grabbing my wrists too, and I— I think I hit my head on the wall. And he choked me."

"He strangled you."

Robert gives him a look.

"There's a difference. Between choking and strangulation. You choke on food. Strangulation happens from the outside."

"Right, yeah, whatever…"

"Robert, he could've done some serious damage. I think you should speak to someone. Maybe you should see Liam, or—"

"No. Absolutely not."

"Robert—"

"You tell no one."

"You need help."

"Swear to me you won't tell anyone, John."

John sighs. Not that he's actually put out by this. He had no intention of ever telling anyone to begin with, and already knew Robert would insist he didn't.

"So you're just going to let Kev keep hurting you?"

"I can handle him. This is a one time thing."

"And what if it isn't?"

"John. Please, I am beggin' ya, you can't tell anyone. Not Liam, and definitely not Vic or Aaron."

"They would want to help you."

"They already think I'm weak. You know that as well as I do."

"This doesn't make you weak, Robert. It happens to plenty of people."

"Oh, save it, will ya? You know how this will make me look. I know you don't always like me, but I'm trying to put my life back together, I really am. And to do that, I can't have everyone around me thinking I'm… fragile."

John doesn't tell him that he is fragile, and that everyone already knows that. No reason to point out the obvious. Instead he just sighs.

"Alright. But you have to swear you'll come talk to me if this happens again, right?"

Robert shrugs.

"Yeah, alright, whatever."

"No one will know. I promise."

When John gets home and Aaron asks where he's been, he tries not to seem too giddy.

"I've just been with Robert." he tells him.

Aaron stares at him for a moment, always shocked to hear about him getting along with Robert. He does wish his husband would have a little more faith in him, but he supposes he can't blame him.

"Yeah?" he asks, "Everything alright?"

"Yeah. He and Kev apparently had a row, so I made him a brew and talked him through it. Think I cheered him up a bit."

Aaron's face sours at the mention of Kev. Makes sense considering Kev kept having a go at him every time they crossed paths when he was first released. Things are more settled now, but Aaron has a way of deciding when he doesn't like someone and sticking to it.

"I don't trust that Kev. Seems like a bomb waiting to go off."

John chuckles, and puts his hands on Aaron's waist, drawing him in.

"Well, the poor bloke is dying. And besides, Robert doesn't seem to think he's so bad."

"Ah, 'coz now you trust his judgment all of a sudden?"

"I'm starting to." he says and kisses Aaron on the cheek. "I think he and Kev are perfect for each other."

★

The next day Robert stops by the surgery, because he promised John that he would. John checks him over and tells him he shouldn't have any lasting damage other than the visible bruising. Robert keeps his jacket zipped up all the way to the chin for the rest of day.

In the evening, after turning down an offer for drinks at the pub with Vic, Mack, and Matty, Kev stops by. To apologize. It's all part of their routine. Anger into punishment into regret.

He grazes his thumb roughly against Robert's cut lip. His eyes look sad.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. You know that, don't ya?"

Robert nods. Kev brings up his other hand so he can hold Robert's face, and Robert tries not to flinch.

"I'm so sorry. I love you. I just lost my temper, I swear I didn't mean it."

"I know." Robert says. "I forgive you. Of course I forgive you."

It's true. He thinks.

It's just how Kev is. He spent over twenty years in prison fighting for survival. It's not his fault he is the way he is. And Robert can handle it. He can handle whatever Kev throws at him. He's his husband. What kind of partner would he be to Kev if he turned and ran at any sign of trouble? He's in till the end, even if it won't be for very much longer. He has to be.

When Kev kisses him— softly, with his fingers in the hair on the back of Robert's head— he feels safe. Warm. It's like he's back in prison again, surrounded by cold grey walls, living in fear. His only refuge being Kev. And sure, Kev hit him too sometimes. But it was never as bad as the others. And he didn't like doing it. Kev never enjoyed hitting him. And he always felt terrible afterwards. Like he does now.

He doesn't know how long they stand in the tiny kitchen of Keeper's with their foreheads pressed together, Robert assuring Kev that he loves him, and that he forgives him. It feels like hours. When Kev has to leave to head back to Charles' for the night, he tells Robert he wishes he could stay, that he could sleep next to him every night. Robert says he wishes that too, and he's surprised at how true it feels.

It takes a while for the bruises to all heal. Vic keeps asking him why he suddenly seems like he's cold all the time. John and Kev both check up on him, separately of course. Asking if he's okay, if he's in any pain, if he's healing okay. It makes him warm back up to Kev quickly after being apart for so long, and makes him feel like maybe John actually does care.

The second part worries him a little. He still has a feeling in the back of his mind that John isn't who he says he is. But they've been talking more. John doing most of the talking, really, and Robert listening. John tells him that it's understandable that he didn't trust him at the start. Says he forgives Robert for the trouble he'd caused. He even tells him he always used to wonder what it would be like to have an older brother. Says he wants them to be that. Real brothers, instead of two people who're coincidentally bound by blood.

John reminds Robert of their father sometimes. He sees Jack in his eyes, in his laugh, in the way he can switch between stern and mirthful faster than you can blink. He hears him in his judgemental tone, and his deceptively short fuse.

The familiarity is more comforting than Robert would ever let himself admit, but at the same time, it only feeds Robert's hatred for him. He is trying, though.

The highlight of his uneasy truce with John is that Aaron seems pleased. He even tells Robert he's proud of him at some point. Which, although it feels a bit pathetic, completely makes Robert's day. Aaron always smiles at Robert when he sees him and John together, occasionally pats him on the back when he walks past them in the pub. Robert tries not to let all of that get sullied by the fact that Aaron practically pretends he doesn't exist when Kev's around. He doesn't want to let himself think too much into it. He doesn't want to get his hopes up again. He can't. He has Kev to worry about now.

He still thinks about Aaron all the time though. Sometimes it feels like he never stops. Wake up, think about Aaron, eat breakfast, think about Aaron, go to work, think about Aaron, come home, think about Aaron, go to bed, think about Aaron. Day in and day out. He misses him like a lost limb. He feels a hunger, a constant starvation, that he knows from experience can only be satisfied by Aaron's company, his attention, his rough hands on every inch of Robert's skin. It hurts to be away from him. He needs him like he needs air.

He tries to fill the gaps with Kev, like he always has.

It doesn't really work, he knows that, but he tries anyway. Sometimes he feels like Kev can smell it on him, like a bloodhound. As much as he loves Kev, cares about him, it puts him on edge. Kev slaps him again once after Robert starts spending too much time at the farm. Punches him in the stomach for rolling his eyes when Kev is bossing him around. The hits are few and far between, all things considered, and Kev always apologizes profusely afterwards. And they aren't that bad. It isn't that bad.

John seemed worried, because of how he found Robert, but he doesn't understand. He saw the effects of Kev at his worst. No one wants to be judged for who they are at their worst. Robert should know, considering that's pretty much how people have treated him his whole life. But deep down, Kev is good. He's kind, and gentle, and he's dying. So Robert forgives him every time. Forgives him when he yells, moves fast enough to make Robert flinch and then laughs about it, when he tells Robert that people are only worth what they can give.

Robert tries not to let it make him feel small. Used. He spends enough time feeling sorry for himself as it is. Most of his time for the past six years has been spent feeling sorry for himself. So he sits and listens, and tries to see Kev's point of view, reminds himself that he understands exactly what Kev is saying. Robert's also spent enough of his life taking advantage of people to know that too. Robert needed someone, needed Aaron to show him that not everything has to be so transactional. He used to think he could do that for Kev. Though now it's too late. Now all Robert can do for Kev is to be there for him, and to do what he asks.

Despite all of this, He feels himself being pulled towards Aaron like a magnet. Feels the leash Aaron has tied to his heart more and more with every day. Every small smile that Aaron shoots him, every time they accidentally end up in the same room. Sometimes it feels like it's suffocating him. Sometimes he feels like those are the only times he can really breathe. Sometimes he wants to beg. Like he did all summer. Beg Aaron to just forget everything and take him back, to hold him again. But Kev's around now, so he can't, even if it wasn't futile.

Robert feels his stomach swoop when Aaron shows up at the farm one day. He's been shivering in the cold all day, and just seeing Aaron makes him feel warm again. He spots Robert and approaches, with his hands in his pockets trying to act all casual, like he's always done. Robert feels giddy. Aaron makes him feel like a dying houseplant that's finally being watered.

"Hey." he says, trying not to seem to awkward, or desperate.

Aaron smiles a little, and Robert can't help but smile back.

"Hiya."

Then Robert forgets to speak, and just stares. He's done that a lot since Aaron came back from the cottage. He promised himself he would try and leave Aaron alone, but now he isn't always sure what to say.

Aaron is forgiving though, because of course he is, he's good like that. He scuffs his boot in the grass and clears his throat.

"Seen Moira? She said she had some scrap metal she wanted me to pick up."

Robert knows what he's talking about. A pile of sheet metal from an old shed they repaired and some rusty chicken wire.

"Uh, yeah I can show you where it is, if you want." he offers, then cringes at himself. He isn't sure how Aaron will feel about Robert taking him to a quiet, far off barn, away from any people, alone. Aaron just shrugs and says 'sure'.

When they get there, Aaron does give him a look, but stays otherwise quiet. Starts scanning the pile of scrap with his eyes. He used to worry, about the chance that the business would fail. Used to worry that he didn't know anything about running a business, didn't know anything about scrap. Robert was so proud of him then, for starting it anyway despite his worries. He's still proud of him now. For about a million more reasons.

He stands by the door of the barn, trying to act like he isn't thinking about any other time he's been alone in a barn with Aaron. Though sometimes he's sure Aaron can read his mind, so maybe there's no point.

Aaron stands with his hands on his hips for a minute, then sighs.

"It's more than she said it would be. She's lucky I said I'd do her a favor."

Robert nods, though Aaron isn't looking at him. He shivers against the cold wind and steps further into the barn, closing the door behind him and sitting on a stack of hay bales. He'd be content to stay in here, even without Aaron. Of course, Aaron's presence is ideal in pretty much every situation, but mostly Robert is just really really cold.

Aaron glances his way.

"Didn't bundle up enough then, ey?"

Robert breathes out a laugh.

"Yeah, guess not."

Aaron shakes his head, looking bemused.

"You should know better. You're practically made of ice yourself." he says. His boots scrape on the floor as be slowly makes his way towards Robert.

Robert reminds himself not to overthink small things like that, the way Aaron closes the distance between them, the way he brings up the fact that they know everything about each other so casually. It never gets him anywhere, looking too much into it.

Knowing that doesn't stop him remembering nights he spent sleeping next to Aaron, shoving his hands and feet into Aaron's space to keep them warm. It doesn't stop him feeling the need to squirm at Aaron's gaze. Aaron's probably thinking about the same thing. Robert's hands on him, his nose pressed to his neck. Aaron complaining about it every every night, but always telling him the next morning that there's no one else he'd rather share a bed with.

That's not true anymore.

But Aaron is still looking at him. It makes Robert feel like he's under a spotlight.

"Kev doesn't make you dress warm before you go to work?" he asks. Robert stiffens.

"No, we uh— we don't even live together, remember?" he manages. Not that Kev would care about him being cold anyway. Well, he might. It'd depend on the day, he supposes.

Aaron nods, like Robert answered a question he wasn't asked.

"Bit weird, innit? Your own husband not even livin' with ya." he says, scrunching his nose like he does when he's joking, being judgemental, or both. Robert sighs.

"It's complicated, because we got married in prison."

Aaron nods knowingly again. Robert likes it even less the second time. Then he pins Robert with a sharp, stern look.

"D'you love him?"

Robert digs his fingers into the hay he's sitting on.

"Do you love John?"

That gives Aaron pause. The tiniest bit of Robert's unease slips away. Makes him feel like he has at least some control over the conversation.

"That's not fair." Aaron says flatly, like he's trying not to sound angry.

"Oh and you being all judgy about Kev is?"

"You crashed my wedding, Robert! Chased me around for months and you had a husband the whole time!"

"Oh I'm sorry, does it bother you that I slept with you while married to someone else?"

"I told you, that was—"

"A mistake, I know."

Aaron takes a breath, clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides.

"You really don't see why I might feel a bit weird about the whole thing?"

Robert laughs.

"Are you joking?"

"Robert—" Aaron starts, sounding exasperated.

"No, you don't get to turn around and act like this is somehow different. We both had to make new lives, Aaron. It doesn't change anything. It doesn't change how I feel about you. Nothing will. Ever."

Aaron stares for a minute, all his restlessness still concentrated in his fists.

"This… Robert we can't keep doing this."

"I know."

"We've both got to move on."

"I know."

Then Aaron is kissing him. Finally kissing him again, after months of waiting, and wishing. A tiny voice in the back of his mind says that he should stop this before it starts, that Kev would kill them both if he ever found out. But that isn't a voice Robert's ever been keen on listening to. The voice doesn't seem to be swayed by the feeling of being kissed by Aaron Dingle. If it were, it would've shut up a long time ago.

So he lets himself be swept away in it. Not that it's difficult. It's easier than breathing. Aaron steps closer, working his way between Robert's legs. His hands run up Robert's thighs, over his hips and his waist and back down again. Robert shifts forward as much as he can, until as much of him is pressed against Aaron as possible. Aaron groans and wraps his arms around Robert's lower back to pull him even closer.

It's nostalgic almost, being with Aaron again. Almost everything is different now, but this is like muscle memory, in the best way. He shivers when Aaron pulls the zipper down on his overalls, he runs his hands along Aaron's shoulders when he pulls his own jacket off and throws it onto the hay behind Robert. If he felt like he was starving before, now he feels like he's been given a buffet, and he's willing to eat enough to make himself sick with it.

Aaron pushes until Robert's laying under him on the hay. It's just as scratchy and uncomfortable as it's always been, and Robert loves it. He'd fuck Aaron in a barn every day of his life if he could. There are better places, but it's not really the location that matters to him.

He yanks his arms out of his overalls and grips the fabric of Aaron's shirt and Aaron starts lining his neck and collarbone with wet open-mouthed kisses. He flinches when Aaron's freezing hands slide up his stomach to push his shirt up. Flinches again when one of them presses against a bruise he'd forgotten was there. He tries to avoid Aaron noticing it, taking his face in his hands and bringing their mouths together again. Luckily and unluckily for him, Aaron seems to have a plan, and he's sticking to it. Before long he's making his way back down to press kisses into Robert's stomach. Robert watches him to a double take at the bruise.

"What's this?" he asks as he runs his thumb up and down the yellow-green blotch.

"Ran into fence post, like an idiot." Robert half lies. There was no fence post, but he was being an idiot.

Aaron chuckles fondly, which makes Robert feel warm. Then he presses his thumb into the bruise, which makes Robert feel like he's on fire. He moans, letting his head fall back onto the hay.

"Masochist." Aaron mumbles directly into his skin.

"Am not."

Aaron presses on the bruise again, harder this time, and Robert's whole body tenses up, feels like he has pure desperation running through his veins, flooding his whole body.

"You were saying?"

Robert rolls his eyes, lifts up his hips to help Aaron pull his jeans and overalls down.

"Just get on with it, will ya?"

"Ooh, impatient too." Aaron chides. But he does get on with it, thankfully.

Robert feels like the whole world has melted away. The only thing that matters is Aaron's mouth on him, Aaron's firm hands sliding up Robert's waist to thumb at his nipples. Aaron has a way of being both rough and gentle that makes Roberts head spin every time he experiences it. All these years later, he could never get used to Aaron. It's never not exciting. It's never not perfect.

He holds Aaron's shoulders, grips at his shirt, bunching the soft cotton up in his fists hard enough to turn his knuckles white. Aaron is relentless, knows exactly how to make Robert come undone as quickly as possible. And it works. Robert feels like a knitted jumper with a loose thread, and Aaron's pulling it until Robert disappears completely.

Aaron doesn't need to be warned when Robert's about to come. He just knows. Not that he even bothers to pull off anyway. And when does he pull off, he's got a look in his eye that tells Robert exactly what he plans to do next. He opens his mouth in time for Aaron to feed him is own load, hovering just above his face and letting it drip down. It's so crude and disgusting that it makes Robert shiver.

While Aaron proceeds to occupy himself with fucking Robert's mouth with his tongue, Robert scrambles to get his hands into Aaron's pants. He tugs at Aaron's cock a bit clumsily, the dryness less than ideal, but Aaron doesn't seem to mind, especially considering he's too focused on his own task to allow either of them to spit into Robert's hand. It's fine though. Always perfect with Aaron. He thinks, dazedly, that even the driest, most unsatisfying sex with Aaron would still be miles better than amazing sex with anyone else.

Just like Aaron needed no warning, Robert can tell when Aaron's close. Robert knows, even before Aaron's tongue slows down and his arms start to shake. Making Aaron come is about as good as experiencing the orgasm himself. Every time he does it he feels a sense of pride, like a dog being praised for doing an impressive trick. And Aaron is just so beautiful. His face is beautiful, the look in his eyes is beautiful, the sound and feeling of him humming into Robert's mouth, the warmth of his cum spilling onto Robert's bare stomach. Robert feels himself smile against Aaron's lips. He savors the feeling of Aaron's breath panting onto his face. That's something he usually hates, when it's anyone but Aaron doing it.

After he's caught his breath, Aaron looks down at Robert's stomach, the mess he made of it.

"Don't suppose you brought any tissues?" Robert asks.

Aaron chuckles and rolls his eyes before moving down to clean Robert up with his tongue. Slow and intentional and torturous, keeping his eyes locked on Robert's the entire time, pushing his tongue harshly against Robert's bruise as he passes over it.

Robert doesn't see him swallow, but for a moment Aaron seems like he might keep it all for himself this time. Something in him hates that idea. He opens his mouth and Aaron all but laughs at him before coming back up to kiss him again, letting the cum slide between their tongues.

Robert doesn't know how long they spend kissing like that. Slow, like they have all the time in the world. They don't, but Robert feels content to pretend. Right up until it starts getting difficult to ignore the fact that he's practically half naked and sweaty and the cold air from outside is seeping back into the barn. When Aaron notices his teeth chattering, he gives him one more kiss before pulling away and helping him pull his clothes back on.

Slowly, as they get further apart, Aaron's attitude changes. The bubble they were in starts to fade and he goes from sweet to distant. Just like last time. That makes Robert feel much colder than the weather ever could. Aaron gives him a sympathetic look.

"Last time, alright?" he says. He sounds sorry.

Robert knows it's for the best. Understands that better now that Kev's around more than he had when they'd slept together in August.

So Robert nods.

"Yeah. Last time." he says. It hurts to say, but that's the way things are now.

"I'm… sorry. That was—" Aaron clears his throat awkwardly, "That was a bad idea."

Robert huffs out a laugh.

"Yeah."

It's painfully uncomfortable, the amount of time they spend standing there in silence shuffling their feet like a couple of idiots. Eventually Aaron speaks up.

"I can come back for that another time." he says, pointing at the pile of scrap metal.

Robert chuckles again.

"No, it's fine. I have other things I should be doing right now. I'll be out of your way."

Aaron nods.

"See you round, then."

"Yeah, see ya."

Robert hates walking away from Aaron. He tries not to feel like he's tearing off his own limb as he makes his way across the field.

★

Aaron's been full of stupid decisions since Robert came back. He brings it out of him, always has.

Sleep with Robert, tell Mackenzie about it, sleep with Robert again, tell Mackenzie about it again.

Bad ideas all around.

"Aaron, I feel like this is perhaps indicative of a much larger issue." Mackenzie says. Which is a stupid thing to say. Aaron hates him.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well, I mean, people don't cheat unless there's something wrong in their relationship. Maybe John isn't satisfying you, or—"

"Oh my god will you please shut up."

"You're the one who asked me for advice."

He's at the farm again. On Robert's day off. Mackenzie's in his overalls fixing some fence, had listened rather politely actually while Aaron ranted at him about what an idiot he's been. As much as he hates Mackenzie's input, he's glad to have someone he can talk to about everything.

"Aaron, you've got to stop asking me what I think if you're just going to ignore everything I say anyway."

Aaron gives him a look.

"No I don't."

Mackenzie shrugs.

"Either way. You've got to do something. You can't have your cake and eat it too."

"That's the problem! I don't want the cake!"

"Sure. Right. Of course. That's why you fucked him in a barn."

"I got carried away. That's all."

Mackenzie leans against a fence post and looks off into the distance, like he's thinking hard about something.

"What do you want, Aaron? Really." He asks after a while.

"I want to be with John. Without Robert getting in the way."

Mack furrows his brows.

"Getting in the way? Aaron you showed up here, while he was working, and you kissed him."

Aaron doesn't say anything.

"He's been trying to stay out of your way, from what I can tell." Mack continues. "You sought him out. Whether you meant to or not, you did. That's what I've been trying to tell you. You want to be with Robert!"

"No. I can't. You know I can't. I made a commitment to John—"

"Well you've not exactly honoured that commitment, have you?"

He's right. As much as Aaron's been telling himself he needs to stay away from Robert, he's not really done a very good job.

But he's married. Robert is married. Robert has been married for years. Stayed in prison with this Kev bloke instead of appealing his sentence, apparently only doing so when he found out Aaron was going to get married. He's selfish. Greedy. Perfectly happy to move on with his own life, but when Aaron tries to do the same he swoops in and tries to ruin everything. Aaron doesn't want to be with someone like that.

"I'm starting to remember why I left the village in the first place." He sighs. Mackenzie gives him a skeptical glance.

"Do you think John deserves what you're doing to him?" He asks.

Aaron blinks, taken aback by Mackenzie's sudden uncharacteristic harshness.

"What?"

"You, Aaron, cheating on him with his own brother, lying to him, telling him you love him and then running back to your ex. If you care about him like you say, if you really think that he's so perfect, you wouldn't keep doing this. You have to tell him. Or you have to stay away from Robert. Actually stay away from him. I'm tellin' ya, you can't keep going like this."

If Mackenzie succeeded at one thing, it's making Aaron feel more guilty than he already was.

John seems so settled lately. Almost chipper, even. Aaron knows it's in part due to Kev showing up. They don't really talk about it much, not directly, but John seems less intimidated by Robert since they found out he's got a husband of his own. It makes Aaron feel a little sick, knowing the whole married to other people thing hasn't actually been a great method of keeping him and Robert apart. But John is happy. And when John is happy, Aaron's happy.

He really does try not to think about Robert too much. "Forget About Robert" has been number one on his to-do list since the day he showed back up in the village. But he can't. He feels terrible, but he can't. He eats quiet meals with his husband in the flat that Robert designed himself, he spends his days ripping up cars at the scrapyard that Robert helped get off the ground, and sometimes, just sometimes, when he's in bed with John, he could swear their moans sound the same. Robert is like a plague. He seeps into everything. He exists everywhere.

It's much worse when he actually has to look at him. Trying to forget about him when he's not around is one thing, but it's another thing entirely to stand in a room with Robert and pretend he doesn't care.

And seeing him with Kev makes his skin crawl.

When Robert's out with Kev, he hardly ever speaks. He follows Kev, a half pace behind him all the time. He nods intently when Kev talks, gives small subdued laughs when Kev makes jokes. He holds Kev's hand when they walk down the street, and looks like he's trying not to grimace when Kev gets handsy in the middle of the pub in front of god and everyone.

Robert Sugden is many things, but he isn't submissive. At least, not out in the open. And when he is, it's definitely not in any way that manifests as him being quiet or obedient. He's too much of a control freak.

Seeing him like that all the time around Kev, like he's barely even there, it rings alarm bells in Aaron's head. It isn't right.

He can't say as much to John, of course, and he already knows Mack would just blow his concern way out of proportion. But it's not— he's not worried about Robert because of any "feelings" he does or does not have for him.

It's just… weird, is all.

The way Robert was more or less himself when he came back. Only thing different was he was always alluding to a bunch of dark shit he apparently went through in prison, saying he had to do things he didn't want to in order to survive, waking up with night terrors, always watching his back, even accidentally hitting his own little sister in one of his fits. Aaron had been able to feel the mix of fear and rage that was emanating off of Robert like smoke from a fire when he'd found him trashing his room. He'd been out of it, zoned out but ready to attack.

Then Kev shows up, and when he's around everything Robert about Robert goes away. It's eerie, almost, seeing Robert without the snark, without the air of confidence that borders on condescension, without the sarcastic jokes that roll off his tongue like he doesn't even mean to talk like a complete dick all the time.

Now he lets Kev take charge. Lets Kev open doors for him, lets him order food and drinks for him, lets Kev answer questions for him, speak for him, speak down to him.

In the very few times he and John have discussed Kev, John always says that Kev is good for Robert. That he seems like a good influence on him, that he brings out a better side of Robert. Aaron supposes it's understandable that John thinks that, given he didn't know what Robert was like before he went inside. He doesn't know how wrong it is that Robert walks around with his mouth shut letting another bloke boss him around all the time. Though, the only time Aaron's broached that side of things, John gave him a look that he didn't like, so he conceded.

He eventually asks Victoria what she thinks of Kev. Makes sure to ask her when it's just the two of them, no one else to butt in. Victoria's polite, she can sometimes sugarcoat things if she thinks it'll prevent unnecessary trouble.

She looks wary when she asks. And she thinks for a minute, deciding the best thing to say.

"I'm not sure." She starts. "You know what Robert's been like since he got home."

Aaron just nods so she'll keep talking.

"At first I was worried. I mean, Kev can be a bit… abrasive."

Complete understatement. Aaron huffs out a laugh.

"I know." Vic says, understanding exactly what he's laughing about. "But, Robert swears by him, insists he's great. And he can be kinda funny sometimes, I suppose."

Aaron stares at her. She gives him a wide eyed expression, like she doesn't want to say what she really thinks.

"Vic, we both know it's weird." He pushes. "If you're worried about something, I wanna know!"

She sighs and thinks for a minute.

"I think…" She starts, "I think maybe, at some point, Kev might have… might have hurt Robert. While they were inside."

Aaron tries not to visibly tense up.

"Robert insists that it's nothing, but you've seen how he is when Kev's around! It's like he's a completely different person! And any time I try to ask about it or push him he gets all defensive! And maybe it's nothin', maybe I'm overthinkin' or maybe it used to happen but it doesn't anymore or— I don't know! But any time I've tried to get him to talk to me he shuts down."

Aaron suddenly remembers the bruise on Robert's stomach. The one he'd acted sort of shady about. But it's hard to tell sometimes when it comes to Robert and lying. He'd said he'd ran into a fence, which Aaron had believed at the time because Robert's been so out of it for months. It'd made sense that he would run into something. And any sense that Aaron got that he could've been lying he ignored, because with Robert, he might say he ran into a fence when really he ran into a chair, or a counter top, or he got into a fight with a stray dog, or fell out of bed. He just lies like that sometimes.

"You really think Kev could be— could be abusing him?"

"I didn't say that. I'm just a little worried, that's all!"

"Worried about what exactly, Vic?"

"I don't know! That Kev isn't good for him, maybe? But he insists on stickin' by him until the end, and you know how Robert is when he's made is mind up about something, so there's nothing I can really do about it, is there?"

After a few days of stewing, he ends up texting Robert.

I need to talk to you.

He eyes Robert from across the Woolpack, where he sits, quietly listening to Kev's chattering. He waits for Robert to read the message and look up and him, then walks out the back door.

Robert finds him waiting outside, leaning against the stone wall on the side of the building. He looks nervous.

"Aaron, look—"

"Where'd you get that bruise?" He asks.

Robert just stares at him for a moment, completely expressionless.

"What bruise?" He eventually says, acting like he's confused. It's almost believable. He's trying to make Aaron think he's simply forgotten about it. Aaron knows better.

"The bruise, on your stomach, the one I saw." He pushes, keeping his voice down.

"Oh!" Robert laughs awkwardly, "Yeah, that. It's healed up fine. I appreciate the concern, but—"

"Where did you get it, Robert?"

Robert furrows his brows but keeps smiling, playing up like he actually finds any of this amusing.

"I told you, I ran into a fence."

"I don't believe you."

"Aaron, honestly. I mean, I can even take you to the exact post that I—"

"Tell me the truth, Robert."

Robert scoffs.

"Why would I lie about that?"

"Did Kev hit you?"

Robert freezes.

"What?"

"Did he hit you?"

"No." He says, shaking his head. He looks tense. He shoves his fists into his jacket pockets. "Where is this coming from?"

"Vic says she's worried about you. I asked her about Kev and she says that she's worried—"

"She's saying that he hits me? Aaron, don't tell me you actually believe that."

"Well she didn't say it, not exactly, but I remembered the bruise and how dodgy you were about it—"

"Dodgy? I— I was embarrassed, yeah, but only because I felt stupid for how I got it. I can't believe you would jump to the absolute worst possible thing!"

"Well can you blame me? You've not been yourself since he showed up, Robert."

"What's it to you anyway? It's none of your business how I act around my own husband. Y— you don't know anything about it."

"I just don't want you getting hurt!"

"How would you feel? How would you feel if every time you bumped into something I accused John of hitting you?"

"That's not the same."

"Isn't it?"

"Robert—"

"No, Aaron! No. You don't get to— to do what you did and then use everything you see against me. Is that what it's gonna be like now? You make a move on me, and then try and make up some reason why I can't be with Kev? Knowing you hated me when I did that to you? Knowing that you hated me so much for it that you left the village and said you were never coming back? You have no intention of leaving John, so I don't really get why you're so bothered about it anyway. Mine and Kev's relationship has got nothing to do with you! So why don't you just keep your nose out?"

They stand there in silence for a minute. Then Robert catches his breath, straightens up, and turns around to go back inside.

"Just stay away from me, Aaron." He says over his shoulder.

The next morning Robert sits across from Aaron in the cafe, looking nervous. But he's alone, which means he's acting relatively normal.

"Sorry I went off on you, yesterday." He says. Aaron just listens. "I got defensive, I guess because I've been feeling a little… mixed up. About what happened in the barn."

Aaron instinctively glances around, worried about people listening.

"I do think we should stay away from each other, though."

Aaron nods. That is what he's been saying for months. It's not a great feeling, being on the receiving end of it. He knows it's ridiculous, that he shouldn't care. He doesn't. Not really. But it's sort of a habit, caring about Robert. He doesn't mean to, it just happens. Like biting his nails.

"No more mistakes." He says.

"Exactly."

"And you swear you're alright?"

Robert huffs out a laugh.

"I swear. And hey," He nudges Aaron's leg with his shoe, "You would get defensive too, if it was the other way round."

Aaron supposes that's true.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

Robert says nothing. No 'it's alright', no 'no worries'. He just gives Aaron an awkward smile, then goes to retrieve his coffee from Jimmy.

★

Robert's relationship with Kev sort of feels like Groundhog Day. It feels like he's living the same day over and over and over again.

Until Kev asks for a vow renewal, out of nowhere.

He does it in the middle of the pub, with everyone watching. Distantly Robert remembers he and Aaron laughing about public proposals, both agreeing that it's a private question, something that should be personal, just shared between the two people who it matters most to. Aaron always said that it felt manipulative, proposing to someone where everyone is staring and expecting you to say yes.

Robert and Kev had never discussed it, so Kev probably thinks he's being romantic. He'd felt bad, before, about being in the closet. Didn't want Robert to think he was ashamed of him. So it's sweet, really.

Robert says yes, and Kev is ecstatic.

He spends the next couple of days bouncing around like a little kid before Christmas getting everything arranged, telling Robert not to worry about a thing.

Robert feels like he's being suffocated.

He shouldn't feel like that. He's already married to Kev. It's not like anything's changing.

But it feels like another mark of ownership, rather than a mark of love or affection. He knows Kev does love him, and he loves Kev, but he sort of feels like being put in a collar, or like he'd already been wearing one and it's being tightened. It feels like it's wrapping around his airways, like the presence of a hand made constant, controlling everything, including when he is and isn't allowed to breathe.

But Kev does love him, and he loves Kev. It isn't Kev's fault that there's something wrong with Robert.

The day before the vow renewal, he's out on the bench outside Vic's front door again, trying to let the open air sooth him. The buildings surrounding him still make him feel a bit claustrophobic, but Kev's made it clear how he feels about Robert spending too much time up at the farm, so he can't go sit in an open field like he actually wants to do.

Aaron, who's been avoiding him, strolls by with his hands in his pockets. It's not the early morning, like it usually is when they find each other like this. Instead, the day is fading into the late afternoon, the sun lowering in the sky and stretching out the shadows.

"Y'arlright?" Aaron calls, stopping on the road in front of the gate.

"Yeah, fine." Robert assures. He can feel Aaron's eyes assessing him. Robert avoids them, though he knows if he's trying to seem like he's totally fine, it won't help his case. Aaron can and does read him like a book.

"Wanna go for a walk?" He says, apparently having come to a conclusion about what he thinks Robert is feeling. He's probably right. He'd worked out the bruise on his stomach pretty quickly, and frankly Robert would love nothing more than to go on a walk with him.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Aaron shrugs.

"Just a walk, innit? I'll have you back home before curfew."

Robert sighs. He should say no, really. He should tell Aaron that he's fine, that he doesn't need his help, that he wants to be alone. He should do anything but walking off with Aaron the day before renewing his vows with his husband. If Kev found out—

"Yeah, alright." He says instead, and gets up to join Aaron.

They walk in silence for a while. He knows Aaron will probably start prying eventually, but he gives him some time first, letting him focus on the big blue sky and the sound of their footsteps. They end up under a tree just outside one of the fields that animals graze in at Butler's, and watch the cows for a few minutes. Until Aaron's ready to start digging.

"Alright," he says, "Now tell me what's up."

He's leaning one shoulder against the tree with is arms crossed in a way that Robert finds painfully charming. He shouldn't be up here on his day off avoiding Kev. He shouldn't be alone with Aaron. But they're out in the open, so it's not like they're actually doing anything wrong.

"Just… pre-wedding nerves, that's all." He says. "Me and Kev never had an actual ceremony before."

It's a half truth, and Aaron's slow nod tells Robert that he only half believes it.

"And you're sure there's nothing wrong?"

Robert sighs. He wishes Aaron would stop asking that. He might end up actually telling the truth, which isn't an option.

"How many times to I have to tell you?" He asks, feeling annoyance seep into his tone.

"Until you quit acting like a kicked puppy, I guess." Aaron says flatly. He's trying to get under Robert's skin. Push him until he snaps.

"I don't need you to protect me from my own husband, Aaron."

"So you do need protectin' then?"

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Do I? Because lately I feel like I hardly know you at all."

"Maybe you don't."

"Look at what he does to ya, Robert!" Aaron stands up straighter, taking a step closer. "Everyone can tell there's something off with you. Everyone can tell that you don't really want to be with him."

The idea that everyone can see how weak Robert is makes him feel cold. He knew it, but hearing it said out loud is different.

"I can't believe you." He says. "You're seriously trying to talk me out of this? How selfish are you?"

"I want what's best for you. I want you to be happy."

"No you don't!"

"Robert—" Aaron starts, but Robert huffs and turns to walk back to the village.

Aaron follows, calling after him until he catches up, grabs his arm when he finally reaches him.

"Robert, please, just talk to me. Really talk to me."

Robert wants to. He does. But he can't.

Maybe he will, after Kev passes. Maybe then he'll be able to tell Aaron the truth. That Robert is weak, that he doesn't deserve him. That he's begged for him back despite the fact that he's damaged goods, a walking shell of the man Aaron used to love.

Instead he kisses him.

There's no heat in it. He just wants to pour every ounce of love he feels straight back into him. Maybe things would be better, if Aaron could hold onto it for a while. Maybe then Robert would be able to give up, like he really wants to. Then he wouldn't have anything to stick around for.

Aaron kisses him back, grasping Robert's arms like he always did, fingers scrunching up the soft fabric of Robert's jumper.

"I'm never going to be happy, Aaron." He says when they pull away, keeping their foreheads pressed together. "Not really. It's not an option for me anymore, you know that."

"You can still be happy, Robert. I'll help ya, just—" Aaron pulls away just enough that they can look at each other without going cross-eyed. "You don't have to do this. Remarryin' Kev. You can back out."

Robert shakes his head. It's too late now. It was already too late the minute Kev asked. He can't back out. He doesn't want to.

"You don't get it. I have to do this. He's dying. I'm all he's got."

"So you just have to set everything you want aside?"

Robert smiles, brushes his thumb along Aaron's cheek.

"I've already been getting used to that, haven't I?"

Aaron just looks at him, his eyes grazing over Robert's face, looking like he's trying to find something to say that won't hurt either of them. He won't find it. They both know that.

"We should head back." Robert says, and starts down the road back to the village again. Aaron walks by his side, in silence, like the way they came. Robert doesn't mind. Aaron's quiet company is a soothing balm on his frayed nerves.

When they get back, John is on the bench outside Keeper's, shaking his leg anxiously, staring intently into the bushes. They walk up, and his head snaps up, eyes quickly scanning Robert before landing more firmly on Aaron.

"Where have to been?" He asks, tone harsh and hurried in a way that makes Robert uneasy.

"We just went for a walk, John. Robert was just feeling a bit nervous about tomorrow, needed some air."

John nods, standing up. Then he looks at Robert, locks eyes with him in a way that makes Robert feel like he's staring straight into his soul.

"Cold feet?" He asks. Robert freezes. Did he tell Aaron about what happened? Is that why Aaron's been sniffing around about Kev? "Or maybe it's like when you both snuck off on my wedding day, eh? One last romp in the hay before tying the knot, is that it?"

Robert doesn't like the direction this is going.

"John, don't be daft." Aaron says, voice warm and soft, placatory, trying to ease the tension emanating off John.

"Well you both have got form."

"It wasn't like that, I promise." Robert says.

John's face cycles through ten different emotions in a split second, then he takes a step towards Robert like he might throw a punch. Robert shuffles back a few steps and Aaron slides forward easily to place a hand on John's chest.

"Will you relax?"

"How can you expect me to relax, Aaron? You've just been off with Robert doing god knows what—"

"How can you accuse me of that? After everything—"

"Maybe I should go?" Robert pipes in, very much not in the mood to hear Aaron convincing his husband that he would never cheat on him.

"No, we'll go." Aaron says. "You get some rest. Big day tomorrow and all that."

Robert goes inside but hears John keep trying to argue as Aaron storms back to the Mill. Robert wants to feel bad, but he isn't sure he can feel any worse than he already does.

Aaron texts him a few hours later.

Talked John round. Sorry about all that.

Do I even want to know how you did that >_>

Don't be gross.

Robert spends the night in a fitful sleep and spends the morning shaking and wiping his sweaty palms on his pant legs. He sits at the table with a pen and notepad to write his vows and his mind completely blank. All he can think about are all the vows he made to Aaron, both official and unofficial. All he can think of is every declaration of love he's ever given to the man that holds his heart. He feels terrible for promising it to Kev when it's not even his to give away.

Eventually, after tearing out page after page of vows that aren't for Kev, he manages something suitable. He sits staring at it when Kev bangs on the door a few times, making Robert stand from his seat, before bursting into the house, barrelling towards him.

"Hey, you—"

Kev cuts him off with a punch straight to the mouth, cutting his lip on his teeth and throwing him off kilter so he has to catch himself on the back of the couch to keep from falling to the ground.

Before he can speak again, Kev grabs him by the shirt and manhandles him until they're face to face, breathing the same air. Anger radiates off him, and Robert can feel himself start to shake.

"You ungrateful, lying, cheating little snake." Kev snarls before shoving him back again.

Robert's mind tries to grasp what exactly Kev could be referring to, his hindbrain already supplying a list of possible excuses that could spare him some of Kev's wrath.

"Did you really think I wouldn't find out?" Kev asks.

"Wh— find out about what?" Robert stutters out. Kev grabs him by the face, pressing his fingers hard into Robert's cheeks, the force making his split lip burn.

"You really don't want to play dumb with me right now."

"I— I don't know what you're on about, Kev! I haven't done anything!"

Kev lets go of his face to bring his hand around the back of Robert's head instead. He grabs a fistful of hair and yanks, making Robert cry out in pain.

"I—I've been here writin' my vows! For you! I haven't done anything, Kev, I swear!"

Kev watches him for a moment, like he's deciding whether or not to believe him.

"So how's Victoria doing?" Kev asks, voice low and steady.

"What?"

"She seems to be doin' pretty well, for someone who's just had brain surgery."

Robert's in no state to hide or disguise whatever facial expression he ends up showing. Kev nods, then shoves Robert from his grasp again.

"So why did you really appeal then, huh?"

"Kev—"

"Got out right in time for your ex's wedding. Pretty convenient, that."

"Kev, I swear, it's not like that."

Kev punches him again, this time more on his cheekbone, and he falls to the ground between the couch and the table. Kev is on him before he has time to stand up, sitting on Robert's stomach and grabbing hold of his shirt again. Robert wraps his hands around Kev's wrists. Tries to convince himself it's not too late to talk himself out of what's about to happen.

"Kev, please, it's not what you think, if you just let me explain—"

Kev hits him again.

"Kev—"

"Shut up!"

Another punch lands on Robert's right cheek, close enough to his mouth to cut his lip again, Blood covers his teeth and fills his mouth. He tries to focus on the metallic taste as Kev keeps going. Rambling between blows about Robert being ungrateful and worthless. Shouts at him about how he never learns to just stay in his place, how he's too thick to know what's good for him.

Robert zones out as best he can, tries to tune out the insults. He's heard it a thousand times before, so he doesn't need to pay attention. Just Kev repeating himself, telling Robert he has to do this to teach him a lesson, that it's his own fault.

Eventually the rambling tapers off some as Kev stands up and starts kicking, which is less about Robert and more about getting the last of his anger out. Robert tries to be as quiet as he can, to not add fuel to to the fire. He's taken enough beatings in prison, from Kev and the others, to know to it's best to just wait for it to be over.

He's been through all this before. Again and again. Groundhog Day.

After Kev finally leaves, with nothing but a huff and a slammed door, Robert strains against his injuries to try and curl up into a ball. He's only half successful, but it's effective enough to make him feel small enough that he has some sense of safety.

He doesn't know how long he lays there before theres a gentle knock on the front door again. He instinctively tries to pull his legs up closer to his chest. Kev could be back, either still angry or ready to seek forgiveness, or it could be any of the other people Robert has wronged, here to get their fill while he's already down. He doesn't like any of those options.

When the second knock comes, he decides he should try and get up to hole himself up in his room so no one can see him. He stumbles when the person at the door calls his name.

"Robert?" Aaron yells, not unkindly, before knocking a third time.

Robert places a hand on the arm of the couch and tries to get his legs under him.

Aaron can't see him like this. Aaron can't see him like this.

"Robert, come on, I know you're in there!"

Robert tries a few times to get enough stability to stand, but he stumbles every time, his limbs feeling both like jelly and like lead. When Robert falls back to the wooden floor and groans from the impact and frustration, Aaron must hear it, because he comes in through the unlocked door.

Robert just feels dread.

He hears Aaron's boots scrape against the floor. Hears Aaron call his name once again. Feels his own fists clench, feels tears pouring from his eyes.

"Robert!" Aaron rushes to crouch by his side. "No, no, Robert. Please, tell me he didn't."

Aaron reaches out to place his hands on Robert's battered face and all Robert can do is cower, try to block Aaron's hands with his own.

"Hey, hey, it's just me. It's alright."

"Just go." Robert mutters. Aaron's hand reaches towards the back of his head to try and pet his hair. The echo of Kev's touch makes Robert shiver, and he flinches from where his scalp is still tender. It's humiliating.

"Oh, Robert." Aaron says. He sounds so sad. Robert hates it. He doesn't deserve Aaron's sympathy.

"Please," Aaron begs as Robert keeps trying to avoid his touch, "Please let me help you."

He starts crying, despite himself, but manages to minimize his flinching. Aaron wraps his arms around his sore ribs and pulls him up into an embrace. He lets Robert weep like a little kid into his shoulder, his hand rubbing circles into his back. He seems to have noticed that Robert's scalp was sensitive, because he doesn't run his fingers through Robert's hair like he usually would when comforting him. His back doesn't hurt much less than his head, but he loves Aaron for noticing. Loves him so much.

Robert's sobs eventually fade into pathetic sniffling, and Aaron places a gentle hand onto his cheek and tries to pull Robert away from him. Robert clings to him, not wanting to move his cheek from it's place on Aaron's shoulder.

"Hey, it's alright, I just wanna look at ya." Aaron assures him. Robert digs his fingers into Aaron's back and breathes in his scent before acquiescing, leaning back a bit so Aaron can see his face.

He feels humiliated, being found broken and crying on the floor like this. But out of anyone in the world, there's no one he'd rather be found by, be held by, than Aaron.

Aaron steadies Robert's head with hands placed firmly but carefully on his jaw, hisses through his teeth empathetically as he inspects Robert's injuries. Robert just watches his pretty face, laced with sadness, as he scans every bruise and cut and drop of blood.

"Did Kev do this to you?" He asks. His voice sounds steady, like he's trying to sound strong, but his eyes are watery. Robert nods.

"Alright," He says, "Let's get you up."

Aaron lends him enough stability and strength for him to make it to the couch. He pets through Robert's hair, habitually, and Robert leans into it before Aaron can pull away. The comfort of it supersedes the pain. Aaron, thankfully, does it again, this time with more intention. Robert loves him.

Aaron tells him he'll be right back, and when he steps out of the room Robert feels cold. Starts shivering with it. It lessens when Aaron returns, but doesn't stop. Aaron holds one of his hands and uses the other to wipe the blood that'd spilled out of his nose and mouth off with a wet cloth. He'd made sure the water was warm, and even though it hurts, it feels nice to be taken care of.

When it seems like he's close to being done, he takes the cloth away from Robert's face and stares at him.

"I'm going to call the police, okay?" He says softly. The dread that had been scared away starts seeping back under Robert's skin.

"No." He insists, "You can't."

"Robert, look at you. Look what he's done to you." Aaron's voice sounds so pained, like it hurts him to see Robert like this. Robert hates himself for hurting Aaron again. He never wants to hurt him.

"Please, please Aaron you can't call them. Promise me you—"

The door opens again and Robert stiffens. He pulls his hand away from Aaron's and turns away from the door so whoever it is can't see his face.

"Robert?" Vic calls, "Are you—"

He hears her enter the room, feels himself deflate. The dread feels like it could drown him.

He hears another set of footsteps behind her, and knows they're probably John's. He deflates further. Feels his eyes fill up with tears again. This whole situation feels like a nightmare.

"Oh, this looks cozy." John says smugly.

"Just shut up, will you?" Aaron snaps.

"Excuse me?"

Aaron stops glaring at John when he notices Robert trying to curl up into himself again.

"Hey, hey," He says soothingly, "It's alright."

"Maybe you all should just go." Robert mumbles. Victoria inches closer.

"Robert? What's the matter?"

She gasps and covers her mouth when she gets close enough to see his face. He looks down and notices he also has bruises on his knuckles from trying to block kicks to his head.

"Oh my god, Robert! What's happened?"

She sits down next to him, and John rounds the back of the couch to stand behind Aaron. Towering over them, looking down at Robert with an expression that almost looks like awe.

"Robert please tell me what happened." Vic begs. She reaches out to grab his arm and he flinches, and she starts crying.

He closes his eyes and shakes his head.

"It was Kev. I found him like this, lyin' on the ground." Aaron says, pain still in his voice.

"Oh Robert," Vic says, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Robert shakes his head again, with more intent this time.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"But— I knew something was off with Kev. I should've— I should've done something!"

He hates upsetting her. He wishes he'd made it up the stairs to his room, so he could hide himself from them, keep them from being hurt by his weakness. It's not their fault. They don't deserve to be punished.

"No, no, I had it coming." He insists. This seems to be the wrong thing to say, if Vic and Aaron's faces are anything to go by. John's face has landed on a neutral expression and stays there.

"You don't deserve this, Robert. No one deserves this." Aaron says.

"Why did he do it, Rob?" Vic asks. "What could you have done to deserve this?"

Aaron looks worried, like he's three steps ahead towards blaming himself already, and John leans in further, like he wants to confirm yesterday's suspicions.

"He found out I lied about you being sick." He tells her. "And that I'd come back for the wedding. And he found out me and Aaron were together yesterday."

"What, together like…?"

"No, it wasn't like that. I was just feeling nervous about the vow renewal and we went for a walk. But I'd already lied about my appeal, so he suspected the worst."

Vic takes one of his hands and holds it gently.

"You've got to go see a doctor or something, Robert. We've got to call the police, we—"

"No." Robert says. "I already told Aaron. I'm not going to the police."

"But why?" She begs. "Look what he's done to you."

"I couldn't do that to him, Vic. He's only got a few months left to live, I don't want him to spend the rest of that in prison."

"You're joking." Aaron says.

"He's my husband Aaron. He doesn't deserve that."

"Oh my god, you're actually serious." He says, scoffing.

"I knew what I was getting myself into when I married him. At least now there's a time limit."

"What?"

"I just have to be there for him until he dies, and then I don't have to worry about it anymore. I can't abandon him now."

"Robert, he could've kill ya!"

"He wouldn't do that. He's not a murderer."

Aaron balls his fists up. Robert understands his misguided need to protect him. He's like that, feels like he has to take care of everyone all the time.

"I'll be okay, Aaron." He assures him. "I just need some rest, I'll be fine."

"You haven't seen yourself, Robert! You need a hospital!"

"I can take a look at him, see if there's anything serious." John pipes up.

Aaron turns to glare at him.

"So you want to help him stay in denial about this?"

"I didn't say that." John says. "It might put him more at ease if he's not sitting in a hospital being made to feel like a spectacle."

John's right. But something about him seems almost… happy.

"John, he needs serious medical attention!"

"And I'm a medical professional. And I want to help."

"It's fine." Robert agrees. "Let him do it. I don't want to go to a hospital."

"You're mad." Aaron tells him.

"Just let him. Unless you don't trust his expertise." Robert says. Aaron looks offended that Robert would even say that. Which has the intended effect of making him stand up and mutter something under his breath about getting some air and leaving room for John to more closely inspect Robert's wounds.

He ends up with his shirt off, Vic in the kitchen making them all a brew, Aaron standing in the doorway brooding, and John, after going to retrieve his med bag, inspecting the bruises along his ribcage.

Robert can see something, something written on his face. He can feel something. His vibe is off. More off than usual. And Robert feels angry. Wants to break something. And sitting in front of him is a ceramic vase named John Sugden.

"It was you who told him, wasn't it?" He says. John freezes, just for a second, barely noticeable. But Robert notices. It gives him the strength to not flinch at the next press on his bruises.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Which is a sentence Robert has always found funny. Almost no one who actually doesn't know what you're talking about ever says I don't know what you're talking about. No, that's something liars say. He should know, considering he spent most of his life excelling at being one.

"You told Kev about Vic not being sick. You told him about me showing up at your wedding, about me and Aaron yesterday."

He can see out of the corner of his eye Aaron leaning in just a little, like he's more invested in the conversation now.

John locks eyes with Robert. He knows he knows. Now he's trying to save face for Aaron. Robert hates him. Robert hates his guts and he makes him sick.

"I wouldn't do that." John says. "Me and Aaron talked it out last night."

Robert nods.

"Just tell the truth John. I understand if you feel bad, but I won't be mad." He lies.

John shakes his head.

"John." Aaron says, peacefully. "Is it true?"

The poor idiot looks like a deer in headlights.

"I won't blame you, I swear." Robert reassures him.

"Aaron—" He starts.

There it is.

"You have to understand, I was upset. I had no way of knowing he would do this."

Robert doesn't smile. He hates John. Smiling would ruin this whole thing. But he feels that good old Robert Sugden inside himself, the cutthroat conniving bastard, shining out of him like a beam of sunlight ripping through a dark cloud.

"Yes you did."

"Robert." John warns.

"You did know. You knew he would do this."

"John? What's he talking about?" Aaron asks. Vic has stopped her work in the kitchen to watch through the window.

"He knew Kev was hitting me."

"No, no I didn't." John lies.

"You did. You found me a few weeks ago. I told you everything."

Aaron looks pissed. John looks like he's at a loss. Vic looks horrified.

"You— you told me not to tell anyone, you—"

"That doesn't mean you have to go and make it worse!" Aaron snaps. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"No, Aaron, he's making out like I did this on purpose!" He begs. He sounds pathetic. Whiny.

"Oh my god, John! How could you do that?" Vic asks.

"I didn't— Vic—"

"Maybe you should go." Aaron says.

"No, no, Aaron, you don't understand."

"Get out, John. Now."

John stares at Aaron, like he's trying to figure out if he means it or not. Robert knows Aaron's tone intimately. He definitely means it.

John gathers his medical supplies and stuffs them into his bag, and storms out through the back door. Exactly the way Kev had. Robert flinches when it slams. He hears Aaron sigh, then come to take John's place on the coffee table across from him.

"How did you know he told him?" He asks, sounding tired.

"I didn't, not for sure. But he had a smug look on his face. Like he was happy to see me like this."

Aaron sighs.

"We should get you to a hospital, Robert. Please?"

"I'm not talking to the police."

"Fine. I just want to make sure you're okay."

They go to the hospital, and Robert doesn't explain what happened, and he refuses to speak to any police. He makes Aaron and Vic swear not to either.

They say the worst of it is some bruised ribs and internal bleeding. They say it doesn't look too severe so they want to put him on fluids and monitor him for twenty four hours. They say he should talk to the police about what happened.

He stays. Sleeps in the cold white room they put him in for hours and hours and hours.

It's dark out when he wakes up, and Vic and Aaron are on either side of him in chairs he knows are uncomfortable. Vic is asleep, using Aaron's balled up jacket as a pillow. Aaron is leaned up against Robert's bed with his hand in Robert's hair, dozing, but not completely asleep. He notices that Robert's woken up and blinks a few times to try and catch up with him.

"Hey." He says, softly, almost like he missed Robert while he was asleep. "How're you feeling?"

Robert tries to shift up a bit and regrets it immediately.

"Not great." He admits.

"Nurses should be comin' back soon to kick us two out, they'll get you something for the pain."

He runs his hand through Robert's hair. Robert loves him.

"Have you talked to John?" He asks.

Aaron sighs.

"No. And I don't really want to."

"You should."

"What? Why?"

"He was just angry. He didn't mean for this to happen."

"You said he knew. You said Kev had done this before and that John knew about it. How can you—"

"It wasn't this bad that time."

"But I was right, wasn't I? He's been doing this the whole time?"

"It's not as bad as you think."

"Robert, it's abuse."

Robert balls his fists up in the thin sheets. His knuckles and wrists hurt.

"Just promise me you'll give John another chance."

"Why should I?"

"Because I'm not leaving Kev."

"What? Robert, you—"

"Aaron. I can't."

Aaron's face crumples.

"Promise me you'll talk to John. Please."

★

The nurses eventually do come by to check on Robert and tell Aaron and Victoria that they should go home to let him rest. Victoria cries the whole car ride home, still clinging to Aaron's bundled up jacket. He reaches over to the passenger seat to hold her hand.

He wants to tell her everything will be okay, but he knows it isn't true. He wants to find Kev and make him pay for hurting Robert, but he knows it wouldn't fix everything.

John is sulking on the sofa when Aaron gets back to the Mill, having dropped Vic off at Butler's with Harry. He didn't want either of them to be alone for the night.

Robert said talk to John.

So he does.

"How long have you known?" He asks. John stands and approaches him, but he takes a step back.

"A few weeks, but, Aaron—"

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Aaron—"

"Just answer the question."

John sighs. To his credit, he does look like he feels guilty.

"He begged me not to."

"Did you even tell him to try and get help?"

"Of course I did! But he wouldn't listen! You know how stubborn he is."

John knowing about it, keeping Robert's secret, that's one thing. Aaron might have been able to look past that, if things were different.

"Why would you tell Kev about why Robert came back?" He asks. John looks incredulous.

"He deserved to know, Aaron."

What the fuck?

"'Deserved to know'? He's been abusing Robert for god knows how long, he doesn't 'deserve to know' anything!"

"Well it's not exactly like Robert's completely innocent, is it?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well Robert did lie to him, because he intended to cheat! He did cheat!"

"What, you mean the kiss at the wedding?"

"He had no regard for the fact that he had his own husband when he swooped in and tried stealing mine!"

"You can't be serious."

"Aaron, I won't say I approve of Kev's actions, because I don't, but he has a right to know about his own husband being unfaithful. Robert got himself into this mess!"

Aaron feels sick.

"It's like he said, he knew what he was getting himself into when he married Kev!" John just keeps going. Keeps talking. Like an idiot. "He should have known this would happen sooner or later! If anything, it's his own fault! If he hadn't kept trying to worm his way in with you—"

"So you did do it on purpose? You knew if you told Kev that he would hurt him?"

"Aaron, it's what he deserves! He got what was coming to him—"

"Stop, alright? Just stop."

John finally shuts his mouth.

Aaron actually thought things were getting better between John and Robert. Actually gave John the benefit of the doubt all those times that John said Robert and Kev were good for each other.

The whole time, every time he said it, he knew what was going on.

The whole time, he thought Robert deserved it. Deserved to suffer.

"I can't even look at you." He says, turning to leave.

"Wait, Aaron, where are you going?"

"Anywhere but here."

He ends up in the back room of the Woolpack, sitting on the couch drinking tea while his mum seems to be trying the telepathically convince him to tell him what's going on.

He tells her he and John had a fight and that he didn't want to be near him. Knowing that neither Kev nor Robert ever showed up to their vow renewal, she immediately jumps to conclusions. He tells her it had nothing to do with Robert, then heads off to the spare room to try to sleep.

★

Robert ends up staying in the hospital for three days, the doctors wanting to make sure his internal bleeding didn't worsen over time. Once they're sure, they send him home and tell him to drink lots of fluids and get plenty of rest.

The rest part is pretty easy. He lays in his tiny bed in his tiny room and stares at the wall, drifting in and out of sleep.

He doesn't leave the house, not wanting to answer any difficult questions, and Vic comes and goes with well wishes from people who she's told that he's fallen ill. Harry spends most of his time at Butler's with Matty looking after him when Vic can't, with her going back and forth between parenting her own child and her older brother. Robert hates himself for being a burden on her.

It's early afternoon a few days after coming home, the next time he sees Kev.

When Robert hears the front door, he assumes it's Vic and ignores it. He's been spending the day in bed staring at one specific crack in the ceiling, feeling sorry for himself. When the footsteps coming up the stairs sound heavier than Vic's should be, he goes on alert.

Kev knocks gently on the door before coming in, and Robert tries to scramble to a sitting position, shoving pillows behind his back.

Kev doesn't say anything, just sits on the edge of the bed.

"Hey." Robert says, trying to smile. "Long time no see."

Kev nods. Whatever mood he's in, Robert doesn't like it.

"I've been tryin' to forgive you, Suggers." He says. His voice is quiet. Measured.

"There's nothing going on between me and Aaron. I promise you."

Kev bites his lip and shakes his head.

"Give me one good reason why I should believe you."

"Kev, I love you. Aaron's in the past. I've moved on, and so has he."

"Then why did you lie to me about your appeal? And why did you sneak off with him before our ceremony? Why'd you crash his fuckin' wedding?"

Robert holds fistfuls of his blanket to try and ground himself. He feels like he's walking a tightrope.

"At first, I appealed because I had a bad feeling about John. I didn't want him around Vic. That's it."

"And the rest?"

"I— I only crashed because that was the soonest I could get to the village, it was basically coincidence. And— and when I left, Aaron, he followed me. He was the one who kissed me, okay? And it was only a one time thing. He was just confused by seeing me again. It was just a mistake, it was nothing."

"And?"

"And the other day, I was just getting pre-wedding jitters. Not cold feet. He was bein' a mate, it wasn't sneaking off, we just went for a walk. Whatever John told you, he mixed everything up on purpose because he hates me, thinks I want Aaron. But I don't! I want you!"

Kev reaches up to cradle Robert's face. It's starting to heal, but still covered in bruises, his lip still scabbed over. Kev presses his thumb into the scab, pushing it against Robert's teeth. Robert grips the blanket tighter. He does love Kev. He loves him so much. He wishes Kev would comfort him. Wishes he would hold him and tell him he's sorry, that everything will be okay. Wishes he'd stop hurting him.

"I'm sorry, about lying. I should've just been honest with you."

"Yeah, you should've… So how're you gonna make it up to me, eh?"

Robert sighs, feeling the strain of his bruised ribs as he breathes.

"Kev, I can't. I'm still recovering."

Kev leans forward and kisses him. All of Robert's different self preservation instincts start fighting against each other. Part of him wants to shove Kev away, part of him says he'll be better off if he goes with it.

Kev bites his lip, breaking the scab and causing it to bleed again, trails his hand down to rest on Robert's stomach. When Robert tries to pull away to breathe, Kev presses his hand into Robert's bruised skin, pain bursting from that spot and spreading itself everywhere, like every mark on Robert's body is interconnected.

"Kev," He tries as Kev starts kissing down his neck. "Can't this wait? You can come back in a few days, we can—"

"I'll be gentle." Kev says. He moves to climb onto the bed, hovering over Robert. He moves his hands to Robert's hips, sliding his fingers under the waistband of his sweats.

"I can leave. If that's what you really want."

Robert doesn't know what he wants. Kev knows that. He thinks Robert's useless when left to his own devices. That didn't used to be true. But he can't remember the last time he made a choice that he felt good about. When he's with Kev, he doesn't have to worry about that as much.

There's a freedom to that, he feels. To trusting Kev to keep things like choice and want out of the picture. It's easier, sometimes, to focus on what Kev wants. Robert trying to take what he wants from the world only ever got people hurt. But Kev doesn't want much, not in the grand scheme of things. It's manageable, and everyone's happier this way. And it helps that most of his discomfort is muffled by the feeling that his mind is filled with cotton balls.