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“So, you’re the one?”
Not for the first time did Lucas’ eyes stray away from the bulky television that was loudly playing in front of the party. He liked Top Gun as much as the next guy but he drew the line at three consecutive watches in the past week and this was strike four. The party had created a system for who chose the movie on movie night when they were ten which he was regretting now that El, for not being integrated into society until she was 12, was very good at rock paper scissors. Now that he thought about it, suspiciously good.
Lucas peered over at the buzzed girl that was leaning on Mike’s shoulder and sharing a blanket while they munched on popcorn. Seeing their soft expressions made his chest constrict with the ever familiar feeling of… something. Max’s bruised face and casted body flashed before his eyes and he shifted in his seat on the sofa.
Movie nights had been reintroduced after so long when the party realised that whatever situation the “earthquake” in Hawkins had caused was here to stay longer and a couple of weeks had passed since that day at the creel house. They realised that everyone could use the distraction and so, between volunteering at the shelters or helping out at Hawkins High School, they would go to the Wheeler’s every Friday night and hang out. As if everything was normal. Like it was before. He didn’t think it was working, but he was good at pretending. Maybe they all were.
His eyes moved over to Dustin who was as usual donning a Hellfire shirt and slightly frowning at the screen. He probably had the whole script memorized by now and could recite it to you backwards, that’s just how he was. But even if it was the sixth time they had seen this movie he knew nobody would say no to her, not only because her reawoken powers were way too badass but because she also deserved this.
“Take my breath awayyy”
Lucas glanced back down to Mike and El who were whispering and giggling to each other, singing the lyrics of the song until Mike started pretending to choke himself which made her laugh even harder. Next to him he noticed Will, also looking at the couple, his expression twitching as if he was in pain.
Huh, what’s that about, Lucas wondered to himself. He studied his profile closer, the curve of his nose and how his collarbone tilted sharply, defined his figure. His overgrown bangs hid furrowed eyebrows. He might need a trim soon, hopefully not from Joyce Byers though. He looked like he was upset, but maybe he was also just imagining it.
Lucas shivered. Why was he even thinking about this? Inevitably Max came into his mind again. She probably would have known and told Lucas while calling him oblivious. Things had been different between them, far before Vecna showed up, after she broke up with him and it had felt serious. Not like the other times they had broken up, this couldn’t just be fixed by something pretty and shiny that said “sorry”. But he still cared for her and he was missing her like crazy, especially right now.
“I’m gonna go make some more popcorn,” mumbled Will before getting up and heading up the stairs. Lucas looked after him intently. The gang nodded and Dustin called behind, asking if he could also bring him a crystal pepsi. “Anyone want anything else?”
“No.”
“No, thanks Will!”
The boy nodded before turning back and leaving.
“What?” Dustin asked defensively at Lucas’ grimace.
“Crystal Pepsi, really? Out of all things?”
“It’s sweet and delicious! And it has just the right level of acidity,” the curly haired boy crossed his arms in a matter-of-fact way. “I don’t expect you to understand.”
“Dude. No.” Lucas scoffed and rolled his eyes before turning back to the TV. Coca Cola was obviously better but he was not about to entertain a debate with Dustin over this. They could get brutal. Better to bend than to break, or something like that.
He glanced at his watch, 8:34 PM, and wondered if he could still go back to the hospital to spend the night there. It was open 24/7 wasn’t it? So he could probably just sneak in there, he wasn’t sure how but he’d find a way.
At this point, he'd spent too many (showerless) nights sleeping by her bed, his parents had forced him to go home. Waves of guilt washed over him whenever he pictured Max there, all alone, her own mother being lost elsewhere, too busy to even briefly come and see her. Max deserved better and he wanted to be by her side in case anything happened.
The cogs in his head started turning. He was sleeping over at Mike’s today, so maybe if he planned the time right and got back home before his or Mike’s mom noticed anything tomorrow, he could spend the night by her side… Nobody would know. Bam! Genius.
Mind made up, Lucas stood from the sofa. “Hey guys, I just remembered that uh, my dog needs to be taken out” He cringed at the bad lie. “And so… um yeah, my parents want me home by nine, sorry.”
“What??”
“You have a dog?” El looked up at him, as confused as Mike next to her.
“I thought you were sleeping over?”
“I know, I know, I totally forgot to tell you guys but it’s true. She’s super cute and I begged my parents for her for, like, months! So they told me I have to be the one to take care of her” He raised his shoulders and smiled widely, not looking suspicious at all. “Her name’s Josie, like uh… Joseph cuz you know… I like Christianity and stuff.”
Mike blinked like his brain was struggling with what to make of the random information Lucas was spitting out right now. “Uh- alright man. Go do your thing.”
“Don’t worry about us,” said Dustin.
“Yeah Lucas, go walk Joseph”, El said with a bright smile and Lucas didn’t have it in him to correct her. “We’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” He grinned and nodded, this time genuinely. “See you guys.” And before they knew it, he was up the stairs and out of the basement.
A beat of silence lingered between the three remaining friends as the movie continued playing.
“Wait, did he leave his backpack with his clothes here?”
|…|
Will grabbed a cup out of the cabinet of a kitchen which he knew as well as his own. He put it under the opened tap and took a hasty swig of water. He had stayed true to his promise of getting popcorn which was currently spinning in the Wheeler’s squeaky clean, new microwave. The low hum had been comforting, the loud pop, pop, pops that started soon after not so much.
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He should be used to it by now, that gut-wrenching feeling in his stomach of rejection, of not feeling needed. But it still hurt to see them together and laughing, like there was nobody else in the world. He shook his head and tried to think about something else. It wasn't Mike nor El’s fault that he had these stupid feelings and he wasn’t trying to bring the mood down for something that was his own, personal problem.
Why couldn't he just be normal?
The noise of the TV in the living room next to him suddenly made him aware again that there were other people living in this house. He was probably annoying Ted Wheeler with his unnecessary panicking. Will stopped pacing and looked up at the microwave. Two more minutes.
Jesus. He needed some fresh air.
As quietly as he could he slipped out of the kitchen and made his way around the familiar corridor, towards the entrance and into the front yard. Once he was outside he could finally exhale and he stayed there, letting a light breeze pass over his face. Already, he was relaxing. It was spring so the nights were starting to become warmer.
Ever since the world had gone to shit Hawkins was a lot emptier. The street was devoid of any cars or life and it was completely silent, he couldn’t even hear the chirping of birds. He felt like he was the last human on earth.
“Uhhhh, Will?”
Startled, the boy turned to see Lucas who was wheeling his bike out, through the driveway, looking like a deer caught in headlights.
“Lucas?”
“What are you doing outside? It's already dark,” Lucas started pushing his bike over to the brunette. “No talking to strangers, remember.”
Will huffed a laugh at that. “Even Nan Scottie from across the street has left town. There’s barely anyone here to talk to.”
“I know that’s right,” Lucas left his bike to sit down on the porch next to Will. “Everything good, dude?”
Will shrugged, not wanting to respond dishonestly but also not wanting to get into it. It being his inopportune feelings for someone in their friend group. So he ungraciously switched topics, nodding towards the bike. “Heading anywhere? You looked kind of in a hurry.”
|…|
Lucas blinked for a second, and hesitated. He wanted to confide in him, to tell him everything, but was that really okay? They hadn’t talked in a long time, at least not really talked. They saw each other often now, but ever since California it was like he couldn’t read him at all anymore. Somehow, he didn’t find himself caring to keep his filter. There was just something about Will.
“I wanted to go see Max,” Lucas looked over to see Will’s reaction, who didn’t say anything yet, waiting for him to continue. His words felt heavy on his tongue. “I don’t know, I thought maybe she could be in danger or-”
“She’s in the hospital, nothing can get to her there.”
Lucas knitted his eyebrows together. “I know that… And I know that we have El here now and her powers are back. I know that but everytime I go to sleep I think of her face and I just feel so… guilty. I feel like I should be with her and that if I’m not something terrible will happen. Does that even make sense?”
“Well… do you think you need to protect her?”
Lucas looked out over the peaceful street. “That’s not it. I’m scared because I can’t protect her. Nobody can but Eleven. And even she…” his voice breaks off.
“Hey,” the brunette softly leaned against Lucas, unsure of what else he could do to give his friend comfort. “You’re not responsible for what happened to her, alright?” he said sadly. He knew exactly how Lucas felt and felt the same way. “We’re all upset over what happened. We don’t blame you. Nobody does.”
“But I was right there. If I hadn’t betrayed Jason maybe. Or if I had tried talking to her earlie-”
“No!” Will cut through him and Lucas was taken aback by the fierceness in his voice. “Lucas Sinclair, when did you get so soft?”
Embarrassed, Lucas looked away. “You’re right. Sorry.”
“No, no, don't be sorry,” suddenly Will felt kind of bad about his choice of words. Curiously, the raven looked at him. Will hesitated before continuing “What I’m trying to say is… Dustin and Max are the brains of the group right? Mike is the heart, Eleven is the muscle. But you always were the one with the most guts in the group. I mean who goes to a secret lab alone to look for their missing friend?”
Lucas’ features lit up and his face grew hot. “You knew about that?”
“Dustin told me. Besides that, I mean who tried to kill a freaking demogorgon with only a slingshot and a rock?”
Lucas snorted. “Fair. And,” he lowered his voice. “Just for the record, it was a wrist rocket”
Will stared at him, unimpressed. “Oh right. How could I forget?”
“A foolish mistake, really- ahk!” Lucas rubbed his arm and glared at Will’s self satisfied smile after having pinched him into silence. “Abuse.”
“Shut you up, didn't it?”
“Just wait till you hear about the trebuchet.”
“I’ll trebuchet you into mars if you don't shut up now!” Will put his hand over Lucas’ mouth before they boys simultaneously made a pfft-noise that dissolved into cackling. “You’re totally ruining my motivational speech!”
“I’m just saying!”
Will shot him a warning look.
“Okay! Okay fine.” Lucas' chest vibrated with laughter as he settled down again. “Sorry man, I’ll let you finish.”
“Thank you. What I was trying to say is who won the championship game for his basketball team and later on had a real-life fistfight with the captain of said team?”
“Me.” Lucas chuckled again. “May the guy's soul rest in heaven.”
“You think he’s in heaven?”
“Hell no,” Lucas jerked his head in an instinctual reaction. “The guy got everything he deserved for what he did to us. But…”
“He was still just human?”
“… Yeah.”
Will looked into Lucas’ deep brown eyes. He found what he would always find, a fierceness and a drive for life that Will would probably never stop marvelling at. This was who Lucas was. Fiery, loud, self assured but never obnoxious. He could get something wrong ten-thousand times but not stop trying until he got it right if it was for the sake of the party. Even if sitting in the night had slowly made his body chill up, Will felt like he was boiling inside-out.
He struggled to find his words. “Anyways, my point is that you are one of the bravest people I know, Lucas. I know you get scared, trust me, we all do. But you always keep going and I think everyone could learn a little from you.” He finally raised his eyes to meet the darker boys. “No matter what happens… I’ll be here for you. Even if I have to go to some scary lab, defeat a demogorgon or fistfight some highschool jock. God, could you imagine.”
“You? Nah.”
Will lightly jutted him in the stomach with his elbow to which he shrugged. Lucas felt like an invisible weight had been lifted off his chest and he allowed silence linger between them.
Will was so unlike any other friend he had, he hadn’t realised how much he needed him until tonight. Mike was great to talk to about Max and they’d had a lot of good times together. The same went for Dustin. But he’d always felt like him and Will had something beyond that, indescribable. Whereas Lucas was sometimes too honest and direct, Will was sensible yet sincere. Where Will was subdued, Lucas vibrant. They were so different, it was like they went full circle again.
“You know I would have gone to all your basketball games.” Will’s voice was laced with regret as he stared at the porches floorboards.
Lucas stayed quiet, studying the shorter boy’s downturned features. “It’s ok,” he said, and it was. To be honest he hadn’t thought about the fact that nobody had attended his game in a long time, practically since the day after when everything began going to shit. The world ending and all that didn’t leave much space for sulking, not like he was right now. He’d been caught by surprise that Will even knew about it and brought it up.
“You would have cheered the loudest for me.”
The brunette looked at him through his grown out bangs.
“Of course I would have,” Will smiled as if it was self-evident.
Not for the first time Lucas wonders how differently high school would be if he had stayed in Hawkins. As much as he liked his friends, D&D and basketball, everything had suddenly changed. Sure, things were weird without El constantly being by Mike’s side but he had been friends with Will since they were in first grade. Him not being there had just felt so wrong.
“I missed you,” he said shakily, realising for the first time just how much he meant the words.
“Well, why the long face?” Will nudged him softly. “You got me, I’m here now.”
Lucas didn’t reply. He didn’t have to. They stayed there on the porch, bodies pressed against each other, keeping each other warm like that. And if at some point Will leaned his shoulder on Lucas’, neither commented on it.
“I missed you too,” Will's voice cut through the stillness. He sounded almost… vulnerable?
“Really?”
“Are you kidding? I thought about you guys everyday,” he admitted sheepishly.
“Wow, it must have been bad then,” Lucas half-joked.
“I’m serious,” Will took his shoulder off Lucas’ to look him in the eyes.
“… Yeah?”
“Dead serious. Cali sucked. Everybody was either douchey or straight up evil.”
“I’m sorry,” Lucas said.
Will shook his head as if he had said something stupid. “You weren’t them, you don’t need to apologise.”
The curly haired boy leaned back. “No yeah, I know but… I wish I would have checked up on you more often. I know we wrote letters and all, but I feel like I could have done more. I wanted to write more, really, but I think at the same time I was scared. Scared at what you would think about us and joining another party.”
Will halted. His mind flashed to the conversation he’d had with Mike so long ago and a familiar pang of hurt went through his chest.
But what if you want to join another party? Not possible.
It was stupid, he knew, to be mad over an unspoken promise to be broken. Mike probably had never thought it was so serious but that was the problem wasn’t it? He didn’t think, ever. Will resisted the urge to bury his face in his hands and forced the thought of Mike out of his head.
“I was pretty upset when I found out to be honest,” he replied with a firm voice. After a pause his face eased into a smile. “It wasn’t cool that you guys did that but it’s fine now.”
“You sure? Hey it’s fine if you’re mad, I would have been totally pissed off.”
Will chuckled and shook his head. “Water under the bridge. Seriously. Just tell me sooner next time.”
“So we’re good?”
“We’re good.”
Lucas held his breath, looking at Will with raised eyebrows. “… But?”
Will furrowed his own. “But what?”
“I know you Will. Something’s bothering you. Spit it out man.”
Will didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. Lucas wanted him to ‘spit it out’? His childhood best friend, who simultaneously might just be the love of his life, was head-over-heels in love with and dating his sister, as if that wasn’t bad enough. And if he were found out by the wrong person he’d become the ultimate town pariah pretty much immediately. Anything Mike did at this point was bound to hurt, one way or another. Where the hell would he even start with ‘spitting it out’?
Will was surprised he was considering telling Lucas about his little dilemma. Nobody knew. It was weighing on him. Maybe it was due to the drowsiness of the long day, or the prior warmth that had come from talking to Lucas, that Will’s inhibitions were starting to lower. He hadn’t felt this reckless in a long time.
“Have you ever… felt weird?”
Lucas stared back into his eyes, confused. “Have you ever breathed air?”
“No– not like that. Repulsive. I mean. J-just like if you were to let anyone get close enough to truly know you, they would never want to see you again.” He couldn’t bear to look at Lucas’ expression so he looked at the cracks in the pavement instead. A small flower grew out of one. Next to it, he could see his hands fidgeting. Lucas’ were at rest. “Um, probably not. How do I say this? I guess I was pretty upset about you guys joining another party. I wasn’t upset with you, I mean slightly yeah… but I was really upset with someone else. That person had made me a promise. It wasn’t a very important one but it had been to me. I guess you could say it was because… uhm–”
“You liked that person?” Lucas said with a blank expression.
Will whipped his head down, red with shame at the words being uttered out loud for the first time. Why did Lucas sound so indifferent? Couldn’t he see how disgusting he was?
Too late to back out now though. “Yeah, you could say that. I’ve never actually said it out loud so this is really weird for me okay?”
Lucas smiled gently and leaned closer to him. “That’s okay man. I got you.”
A quivering exhale left Will’s lips.
“It’s Mike. I like Mike”
A pause.
“Huh? Yeah, dude, so do I? I mean, he can be kind of bitchy sometimes but he’s still also my friend, ya know?”
“No– ugh, Lucas you idiot!” Will shuddered a louder breath into his palms, somehow both exasperated and flustered. “I like him. Like, LIKE, like him. Do you understand?”
“Oh– OHHHH! Mike?! You like Mike, man? Really??”
Will couldn’t believe his ears. “I mean… yeah?? Is that all you have to say?”
Lucas stumbled over his word to explain. “Oh, no I mean that’s totally cool with me dude. Sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. Listen dude, you can like whoever you want to. From the way you were talking I thought you murdered someone, you did have me kind of scared there,” he somehow managed to exhale a light chuckle. Will’s eyes welled up with tears. He didn’t understand anything. How was Lucas looking at him absolutely normally? As if there was nothing wrong with him? “It’s just… why Mike? You’ve got Dustin right there, dude!”
An unexpected burst of laughter escaped him. His nose was turning real snotty and he was no less overwhelmed. “What do you mean?”
“Well, he’s a catch isn’t he? He has brains, talent, humour! And you can say whatever you want but those pearls…” More uncontrollable laughter surged from Will’s chest. “Mike’s just… bleurgh. You deserve better than some guy that can’t even bother to look for you after having been gone for like an hour when you said you were just gonna get popcorn”
Will sniffed, wiped his nose, laughed. He felt delirious. “You got me there, I can’t lie. But… I really do. I can’t help it. I have for a long time. Longer than I can imagine, before Dustin even joined our group.”
“That long?”
“That long. It’s not like I always knew I liked him in that way I just had always known that it was different. I didn’t fully realise until last summer, but by then it was too late. He’s in love with her anyways. That’s not going to change and even if it were to– I’m still a guy. Worse, a queer. There’s nothing I can do but watch and suffer now.”
Like a concerned mother hen, Lucas wrapped his arm around Will’s shoulder. ”Oh, nonono– Will Byers that can not do! I’m not gonna let my best friend go on like this. I can’t believe this shit has been going through your head all this time. That must have been awful.”
Will answered with a hoarse chuckle. “It was.”
As if overtaken by a sudden burst of energy Lucas jumped up from the porch steps and turned to him with both hands on his hips. “Enough! You need something to get your mind off this prick and I know exactly what you need.”
Will looked up curiously. “And what would that be?”
“You’ll see!” Lucas picked up his bike and hopped on. “Come on, let’s go!”
“Huhh? J-just like that? But what about the popcorn dude?”
”Screw the popcorn, let those dorks doze off. We’ve already seen the movie ten times, trust me this will be way more fun.”
Will mumbled a couple words of protest but got onto the bike regardless. He held onto Lucas’ shoulders like he’d always done. The man began pedaling and as wind flew through his hair he felt eight and on top of the world all over again.
“Where are we even going?”
“You’ll see when we get there,” Lucas shouted over his shoulder.
They neared an embankment and slowed down. Will gathered the courage for one last question. “Hey.”
“Yeah?”
“Before, you said that I was your best friend. Is that really true?”
Lucas stayed silent as if thinking it over carefully. “Of course you are. And so is Dustin. And Mike too I guess. Our hearts are far too big to just hold love for one person. Why should I restrict it? Why should you?”
Will waited, expecting a further explanation but there wasn’t. There was no need. It was so simple yet so true. He pressed his cheek to Lucas’ back and watched the passing tree trunks. Smiling, he said: “I love you, man.”
“I love you too.”