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“I wish I could be enough for you.” Enjolras looked over at the man who was sitting at the table a few meters away. Grantaire was looking right at him.
“R what are you-?”
“I want to be the person you can trust a-and depend on.” Grantaire stood up and walked over to where the blond was standing. Enjolras opened his mouth to speak, but the other man held up a hand to stop him. He was not finished yet. “All of these men come here every evening to hear you speak, but do any of them really listen?”
“Of course they do.”
Grantaire lifted his head a bit and snorted easily. “Sure they do, but have you ever stopped to think about the effect you have on the things you are saying?”
“I’m not sure I know what you mean.”
“You don’t, do you?” Grantaire sighed, looking down at his left shirt sleeve. He gave it a tug, a twitch of his wrist that could be blamed on the amount of alcohol he had consumed that night. “Maybe I should tell you.”
“Tell me what? Grantaire, if you are going to start again about how I am wasting my time, or how I am leading all these men blindly to an end with no means, then I have just want to say that you are mistaken.”
Grantaire scoffed. “You always have a way of assuming things, don’t you?” Enjolras looked at him questioningly. “I was going to tell you how much I wish I could be the person you want me to be- someone you would want standing at your side. It can’t be that easy, though. I can’t be who you want me to be. I cannot simply agree with the things you say, yet I am still here to listen to you say them. Call me foolish, but there is only one reason I stay, only one reason why I am always here. You know this just as well as I, or anyone else, know it. The problem is you cannot admit that I am beyond your helping hand. I seek to be in your light, and yet it does not dare touch me. It cannot reach me.” Enjolras is frowning now, but not at Grantaire. “All I can do is sit and watch. I can only make remarks, knowing that it is not what you want. Yet it is what you have come to expect from me, is it not? You have grown accustomed to my words, just as I to yours. But it is not enough. I can only sit here, day after day, and hope that by some miracle, I can be what you want me to be. We all know that will not happen, and yet I still wait for that moment.”
Grantaire took a breath and stared directly at the man, eyes slightly glazed over, but still focused. Enjolras was looking down, having refused to make eye contact while Grantaire was speaking. Now, he looked up. His eyes were sharp, piercing the man with his glare. “You do not know what I want.”
“I know.”
“No,” Enjolras quickly barked. He sucked in a breath of air, his features softening along with his voice. “I do not want you to be enough for me. All I want is for you to be enough for you.”
Grantaire stared at the man for several moments, taking in what he had said. Without another word, he grabbed his coat and his half-empty bottle from the table and made his way out, not even daring a look back at Enjolras.
If he had, he might have heard the man whisper, “I believe in you too.”