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A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
Richie has never been the cum n go type, even when he’d tried to. he’s as soft as the next guy; he’ll check on you, bring you a cup of water and clean you up while praises you. and he can’t hide the warmth in his chest when you reciprocate the feeling, when you snuggle against him and praise him back… he’s moonstruck.
+ cuddling after sex! he loves to hold you while you guys watch a movie, talk about whatever or just stay together in silence. it’s the best part for him.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Richie’s an ass guy, period. he’s crude and obscene abt it too.. grabbing your ass at work while he passes behind you, groping you under your sundress at a family barbecue, offering to put body cream on you so he can flip you on your tummy and massage your cheeks. he’s obsessed and doesn’t hide it.
he likes his hands a lot, although he’s pretty cocky about his dick. but he does use his hand to stroke his dick so there may be a connection there..
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
i became a hyperspermia!Richie truther after watching ‘Gary’. that part where he tells a story of his teen years in where he came all over his pants because of a math teacher. which is a pretty common thing for a teenager, but he said himself it was a LOT so i take creative liberty to picture it as i want.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
he’s a panty sniffer! he feels like a weirdo when it comes to that, but he can’t really help himself. he’ll go through your shared laundry and sniff all ur dirty panties for 3 minutes straight until he realizes what he’s doing and gets the ick. won’t stop him from stealing them to jerk off sometimes tho so keep an eye on him..
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
i love the headcanon of him and Tiffany being high school sweethearts and getting married a few years after graduating. so it’s an interesting thing when he gets single after being married for so long because he knows how to please Tiff, but what pleases her won’t please everyone. so he basically has to relearn intimacy and how to deal with different people and their desires in bed. and also learn a bit about himself too, which is what his personal journey is really all about. but basically yeah he knows what he’s doing.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
mating press, doggy, prone bone… he prefers the positions in where he can watch his dick slipping inside ur pussy. this or cowgirl when he's feeling too tired and asks you to give your 'old man' a show.
he won’t stop until you’re trembling.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
sex with richie can be goofy sometimes, even though he’d rather you not say that. it’s normal that a slip up happens, sometimes he’ll get a cramp or lose his balance. it’s fun and you both are enjoying each other, that’s it. he doesn’t need or want to be “daddy” all the time, sometimes he’s just your Richie.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
i feel like his pubes are a little lighter than his hair, kind of a light brown. and he also has some grey hairs popping out so we’ve got a little salt n pepper situation going on (hot).
his pubes are as trimmed as his beard is, he’ll let it grow out if he’s not seeing anyone but he usually keeps it well groomed down there. Doesn’t like the itchiness of a full bush.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
he might be rough and kind of an asshole sometimes but he’s not a barbarian, for gods sake. he’s actually such a good caretaker, you can see that by how he treats the people he loves. he’s just such a sweet man. and there’s not a single moment where you don’t feel that love when you’re with him, he’ll always make you remember why you feel for him in the first place despite his gruff manners and lack of self awareness. (which got better over the years)
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
after he divorced Tiff and he still held that grudge he’d feel so guilty about masturbating and he’d definitely think of her while doing so, which only made things worse. after he got through that, i’d say he’d masturbate pretty often. i can picture him trying to sleep but his mind won’t shut off about the restaurant and all the bullshit Carmy says and Mikey— so he just starts palming himself through his briefs. idk if that’s an old man thing but i think it’s a little soporific, he just turns off his mind and focuses on his hand slowwwlyy stroking his cock. def cums earlier than expected and falls asleep right after.
also jerks off in the shower sometimes after a rough shift or before a date — just to see if he still got it on. thinks about the pictures you have on your profile as he frenetically moves his hand up and down his dick. he doesn’t expect you to have sex with him on the first date, but if it happens he already knows all the positions he wants to try out with you <3
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
i don't think richie is really into all the BDSM nomeclatures and types of kinks & etc... if you did teach him he'd get quite interested and maybe even confident to try new stuff out. he'd specially be into free use but i honestly think he'd make such a great caretaker and enjoy puppyplay.. he might be agaisnt it the first time he hears abt it but it will grow out on him just like his daddy kink.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
apart from the bed or couch, i think he likes to do it in the kitchen (at his house. unfortunately his ultimate fantasy of fucking you in The Bear’s kitchen won’t come to life because Carmy put cameras in the kitchen, asshole). could be bend over, laid down on the counter or just standing (which he loves but his back will plead for help the next day).
also, his car! it’s a little crowded and dirty but ur not gonna think about that when he springs his cock out for u. you guys def almost got caught more than once.
he also enjoys public sex, but only in really specific places. he likes having sex outdoors, preferably a park or beach area with not a lot of people, because he’s shy like that. it’s not really about the risk of being seen, which is chilling but he thinks he’s too old to be seen having public sex, it’s more about having you wherever he wants. kind of a free use thing? idk.
such a beautiful day to get bred.
richie railing u in the kitchen.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
what turns Richie on is seeing how turned on you are, he likes to tease and stretch you out (metaphorically and literally) just to see how far you can go. he’s turned on by how you give him a side eye during service, how he knows your pussy is wet after he placed a single kiss on your neck while passing, how you look up at him and he knows what you want but he’ll make you say it. “what? do i got sum’thing on my face, sweetheart?”
so basically he’s obsessed with you because you’re obsessed with him.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
he wouldn’t do anything that would actually hurt the both of you. he already feels guilty enough when seeing your bum all red and sore from his slaps. anything other than light spanking is a no.
cold temperature is a turn off for him. and i say this with the kindest of intentions but if you have cold feet you’re NOT getting that until you put socks on.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
probably receiving. don’t get me wrong, he loves eating pussy and he’ll gladly do it. but if he had to get choose one forever it’d be receiving, it’s a real ego boost for him (like it is for most men). loves to watch you looking up at him with glassy eyes while you try to fit his cock on your mouth. he’ll never get tired of that sight.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
most likely fast and rough, he can be romantic don’t get me wrong, he IS romantic. but in between shifts at The Bear and Eva staying over at his place there’s not much time left for him to enjoy a night of slow and passionate sex regularly. and i feel like even when he tries to go slow and let you reaaallly feel his cock stretching u out he’s still gonna be rough and give that last push that’ll make your toes curl.
he thought about you all day <3
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
100% loves it, no notes. if you’re in a committed relationship with Richie Jerimovich you must know you’re not gonna get a lot of time to do the whole thing, but you guys have your own ways.
Quickies keep him young, make him feel excited n all flushed like he’s 25 again. he doesn’t care if you come fast, he’s probably coming too — inside.. without a condom. whoops!
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
yeah, i think that if you guys are in a relationship he’s def open to try some stuff. i can see him trying out roleplay, but if it goes on for too long he’ll lose his patience and pound into you.
and yeah, richie likes taking risks when it comes to sex because it’s actually one of the few things in where he can put himself out there and try stuff out without the fear of everything going wrong and his life being fucked(again).
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
i’ll be honest that man can at max go 3 rounds and that’s it. he’s not in his prime anymore and as much as he’d love to go on for the whole night but he just can’t.
i think he lasts a good time, though. depends on the mood honestly, if he gets home stressed from working all day and your warm, wet pussy hugs his cock like it really missed him he’s a goner.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
he’s not really used to them and might act hesitant to try them because of his ‘fragile masculinity’, but with enough coercion and some practical demonstrations he can wrap his head around it. also he doesn’t want to be called a ‘boomer’.
double stimulation and double the fun.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
he’s a teaseerrr! he loves the cat and mouse thing, enemies to lovers if you will! the man loves a challenge. if you’re someone who doesn’t back down easily and is as stubborn as he is it’ll make it all more fun, whoever bends first loses and he won’t give you the pleasure so easily.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
he’s not loud but he’s a yapper so it makes sense that he talks a lot in bed lol. having sex with Richie is like going to a dentist’s appointment where they talk to u and ask u a bunch of questions but u can’t answer. he’s got you ass up, face smushed into the cushions and will ask u if you “like that”. bitch i can’t breathe in here!
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
he has thought of doing gunplay with you but he’s unsure if it’ll freak u out too much. at the end of the day he’s just an old man who wants to really get this right, so he’s still insecure sometimes. ;(
i don’t think he’d use id in a aggressive way. he’s more entranced by the way you get visibly horny whenever he pulls out his glock, he thinks he finally got someone who can out crazy him. and maaayyybbee if u ask really nicely he’ll fuck you with his gun.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
i’ve thought a lot about if he’d be cut or uncut. in the end i settled to believe he’s uncut but im open to everyone’s opinions.
it’s pretty big, i think everyone knows that. bigass cocky man with the big hands and that hung smile?? cmon! i’m not good with measurements but im gonna say it’s bigger than average and he knows how to use it alright.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
after Tiff he felt like his dick would never go up again, which was obviously a lie his sad little divorced brain was telling him, but he was too wrapped up in the divorce to even feel horny.
after he got over it and started going out again (no grudges this time), he could see that his dick was in fact working. he’s not big into casual sex but it felt good to know he was still wanted in some way.
he’s still an old man so he’s not really horny all the time like when he was younger (good times), but he’s an easy guy to turn on. sit on his lap, put your hands on his chest and whisper literally anything in his ear and his lil guy will be poking your ass in no time :>
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
if he’s really comfortable with you he’ll be asleep quickly, old man will be snoring in abt 20 minutes lol. if not, he might light a cigarette and stay awake for awhile overthinking the whole thing… creep.