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There was one particular day in Kris’ life that they could absolutely, 100% without a doubt, call the worst day they’d ever had. It wasn’t even a competition. It was the worst thing that could ever and would ever happen to them. It was utterly, horribly, life-alteringly terrible. There was no other day that could top it.
But today was getting pretty damn close.
Walking Susie home had been the last straw. It would be one thing if Susie was a normal friend who acted normal around Kris all the time and never said anything that could possibly be interpreted as anything other than platonic—that would be a different story. Sure, Kris would certainly still have feelings for her, and they'd still feel pathetic either way, but at the very least they could pine from an arm’s length away and get through their days like normal.
But no. That was just it, wasn’t it?
“I’ve been thinking about us, Kris.” “Our special Kris and Susie thing.”
Kris slammed the door to their bedroom thinking about it. Their face was on fire and they were shaking with some mixture of frustration and embarrassment and misery. While they angrily kicked off their shoes, they briefly considered punching a hole through the drywall.
Without hesitation, they tore into their chest with all the force they could muster and ripped out the soul—chucking it like a baseball into the wall. It made a small chip in the paint as it bounced off and hit the old, dusty carpet.
“You,” they began, anger lacing their tone and looking directly at the glowing red heart sitting on their floor. "Do you think," they pointed an accusatory finger at it as they spoke, "this is funny?”
The soul seemed to dim a little and then glow again a few times, as if it was actually trying to communicate something to them. Too bad Kris had never picked up morse code.
Kris inhaled sharply, then exhaled.
“What do you think you’re doing? It’s already enough, getting roped into being their third wheel all day, but then you just have to step in and make me seem like a huge dick to Noelle and a lovesick fool to Susie," they ranted, digging their feet into the floor. "Is this some sort of game to you?”
Did Kris, of course, selfishly enjoy the opportunity to ride the ferris wheel with Susie? And play festival games with Susie, and spend the day getting to see Susie smile? Of course. Kris wanted nothing more than to stay by her side. They wanted nothing more than to put stickers all over her face while not paying attention in church, and to draw shapes in the window with their breath at the diner, and to fall asleep on her shoulder after watching movies all night.
But that wasn’t how this was supposed to go.
The soul hopped once, almost like a rabbit, getting a little closer to Kris. Kris instinctually took a step back. It hopped again. Kris pressed their back against the closed door.
“St—stay away from me. Haven’t you put me through enough today?”
This was the most Kris had ever outright addressed the soul. In fact, it was the first time ever that they’d even actually tried to speak to it. They'd started shouting at it out of pure rage—they really didn’t expect it to actually respond. It’s like… a demon, or something, right? It puppets Kris around like a doll and gives them commands that Kris is… loosely forced to obey. It made them sound insane when they spoke sometimes, but it was still Kris’ voice coming out of their throat. Can this thing actually communicate?
…
“Are you… trying to say something to me?”
The soul bowed the top of its… uh, heart, forward—like a singular nod.
Kris audibly groaned. Throwing this thing in another garbage can and ignoring it until they turned green again sounded significantly more preferable than trying to speak to it.
…
“Ugh, fine,” they relented, curiosity getting the better of them. “If I… get a piece of paper, can you… write? On it?”
It seemed to think about this for a moment, then… sort of, shimmied in place a little bit. Maybe it was trying to convey shaking its head?
“No?”
It nodded again. Ugh, curse this thing and whatever its stupid deal was.
“…Okay, can you… talk? Through me?”
It thought some more, then nodded hesitantly.
“…Alright,” Kris relented, picking it up from the carpet. They shoved the stupid thing back in with little grace, and hobbled towards their bed to sit down.
When it was usually controlling Kris, it seemed to only have limited options on what to tell them to do. And, when speaking, it normally only manifested whenever Kris actively had to make some sort of decision. How were they even going to do this?
Closing their eyes, they focused on the soul’s presence in their chest, trying to let it do… something. They weren’t sure what, but, just briefly, they tried to give it a little more control, in some vague way.
Breathe in, and…
…
“Hello? Kris? Is this thing on?”
What the fuck.
Through Kris’ mouth, another voice was coming out. Their eyes snapped open the second they heard it. There was still, of course, no one else physically in the room, but they could hear that thing coming from their mouth all the same.
“…I can hear you,” Kris answered, trying to mask how terrifying this was.
“Oh, yay! Oh my god, I can’t believe I can actually talk to you. Hi Kris!”
What the hell is this thing? Why does it sound so damn chipper?!
The strange voice coming from Kris’ mouth sounded like it was filtered through someone's shitty laptop microphone, rather than a normal human voice coming from a human's mouth. It was a bit higher pitched than Kris’ voice, and way too energetic.
“…Hi,” Kris answered robotically, utterly horrified. “What… are you?” they asked, against their better judgement.
“Ummm… I'm a human! Like you, silly!”
Okay, Kris is definitely not buying that, but they began this conversation with intent and were hoping to end it as soon as possible so they chose not to press further. Sure, whatever, this thing is human.
“What is your… deal, with me and Susie?” Kris asked, trying to get straight to the point.
The soul was quiet for a moment, like it was surprised by the question. Like the answer was obvious, and it didn't know why Kris was bothering to ask about it.
“Well, you like her, don’t you?” it asked, deflecting. Kris waited a moment for it to elaborate on that further, but nothing else came.
Kris wasn’t sure they liked the fact that the demon possessing their body was privy to their hopeless crush on their best friend.
“…So what,” they said flatly, not fully answering but not denying it. This thing could hear Kris’ thoughts, couldn’t it? Could they hide from it even if they wanted to?
“So… everything! You have to tell her! I’m doing my best here, Kris, but you’re making it really hard!”
Kris fought the urge to bark out a laugh. This thing was almost whining. It kind of reminded them of Catty. How the hell did Kris let something like this possess them? It was kind of embarrassing, honestly.
“Can’t you just let me like her silently?” Kris pleaded.
“Well, why would I do that?" it asked back, like Kris had asked for a horribly stupid request. "That’s so sad, Kris! I want you to be happy!”
…
What a strange creature this thing was.
“You are half the reason I am always so un-happy," Kris told it bluntly.
…
“…I know,” it replied, almost sadly? “I’m sorry, Kris. I promise I do all this stuff because I want you to get a happy ending. You, and Susie, and Ralsei, and… everyone. I don’t want you to be sad.”
The use of the phrase happy ending was interesting to Kris. What was this, a movie for them to watch? Was Kris' life nothing more than entertainment for this thing? The thought was horribly annoying, but not surprising.
“…Susie likes Noelle,” Kris chose to remark on instead—as if this thing didn’t already know that.
“Well, yeah… but like, she has two hands, right?" It said matter-of-factly. "She really cares about you a lot Kris! Don’t you see that? The way she looks at you… how much fun she has with you… don’t you think it’s worth a try?”
After everything they went through today concerning the imminent end of the world, somehow it was still more concerned with the love life of the weird kid who lives on the corner. What the hell was this thing’s problem? Doesn’t it get that Kris, under absolutely no circumstances, should ever even be allowed to like Susie? Doesn't it have better things to be worrying about?
“…Noelle is Noelle, and I’m… me,” was all Kris could think to say to it. "It's not like I ever was in the running."
…
There was a pause.
…
Then—
“—KRIIIIIISSSS!!!” The thing very nearly shouted—some sort of… glitching? Coming through in its voice as it wailed. Was it… crying? It was definitely crying. “Kris… don’t say that about yourself! You’re amazing! Y-you’re cool… and f-funny… and caring… and… you… you deserve to be happy, Kris.”
…
Kris said nothing in response.
“Kris…” it started again, ignoring Kris' silence. Kris could feel their own eyes begin to water, too. “Kris, I know I annoy you. I know you hate me. I go around peeking at every little nook and cranny and talking to every single person in town because I just want to know more about you. I want to know about the world. Your world… is wonderful, Kris. I want you to see that. I want to make you happy. I want you… to make yourself happy.”
…
“…You don’t know anything about me,” Kris bites, gritting their teeth just slightly. They realized then that they’d been shaking, and gripping tightly to the bedspread beneath their hands.
“…I know.”
“You don’t know what it’s like. Loving her even though I lie to her. Loving her even though I know she’s going to hate me soon. Loving her even though she has someone better than me to pick who loves her too. Loving her even when the only me she knows is mostly just you."
No response. Kris let go of the covers, bringing their hands up in front of them and staring at the lines in their palms. Their fingers were trembling.
“Don’t give me hope where there isn’t any,” they said, blinking tears out of their eyes. “It’s already over.”
…
…
“I’m sorry, Kris,” it said sadly. The pity in its voice made Kris feel pathetic and stupid. “I’m sorry it feels hopeless.”
“…Don’t pity me.”
“I don’t pity you, Kris. I just… you already know.”
Want me to be happy. Fuck this thing. What does it know? What right does it have to want Kris, their parasitic host—their personal marionette, to be happy?
…
Why do I want it to be right?
…
“…For what it’s worth… I don’t think this is all hopeless. Susie… likes you for you, Kris. Even if you don't believe me."
Kris' trembling hands fell into their lap. Tears flowed down the sides of their face in fat globs. Their heart ached in pain.
"I'm not… charming. Or funny. Or… mischievous. You still use your own words. The things you say to Susie… that's all you, Kris."
Could that really be true?
…
"…I believe in a future where you are happy. And I’m going to do everything I can to make that happen, okay Kris? I promise you."
…
Wordlessly, Kris felt themself stand up from the bed to pull their covers aside. They weren’t sure whether it was themself or the soul doing it. Maybe it didn't really matter. They tucked themself in beneath the blankets, and clutched a pillow to their chest tightly. They were still shaking, and breathing heavily, but…
…they could feel it start to even out.
“…Goodnight, Kris,” it said, with some sense of finality. “I hope to speak with you again someday. I liked getting to talk to you.”
…
…
“…Sweet dreams.”
…
Slowly, Kris felt their eyelids begin to droop closed, until they drifted off to sleep.
As they began to fade, they could feel a faint warmth from somewhere within their chest, like the soul was trying as hard as it could to comfort them.
...
The rest of the night, they dreamed of Susie’s beaming smile, and her laugh that chased away fear. They dreamed of shared milkshakes, and splash fights in the shallow waters of the lake, and having their desk chair kicked from behind during class. They dreamed of a weight rested atop their head—smelling their apple-scented shampoo, and hands much larger enveloping their own with gentleness.
And, for just a little while…
…
They dreamed of hope.