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There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force.
The words droned on in Anakin’s mind, engraved.
No passion, only serenity.
Serenity. Was it even possible to achieve such a feat? Anakin Skywalker was a renowned hero; he was a defender of the innocent, a warrior, a Jedi Knight. He was all these things, but serene, he wasn't. His mind was a greater battle than any clone had ever seen, his body was like a droid of mass destruction. There were nights when Anakin felt voices whispering twisted thoughts into his mind, beckoning him on from the shadows. Padme determined it was stress from the war. But as a Force user as potent as himself, Anakin knew better. It was the Dark Side. It was the great evil of the universe trying to pull him away from all that was good. Those nights, when the whispers of darkness came onto him, he held onto Padme as tightly as he could. But her silk sheets and her soft arms couldn't console him. Not in the way he needed.
So Anakin turned to meditation, hoping that connecting to the Force in his time of need would fix things. But as he repeated the Jedi mantra, he found no peace. His mind still raced, his body still stirred. In the darkness of his room, with only the gilded lights of Coruscant to leave glittering rays on his skin, Anakin. felt utterly defeated. A feeling he'd never admit to anyone living. Not to his clones, not Obi-Wan, not to Padme. Not to her.
At that moment, Ahsoka Tano flashed through his mind. The young padawan prodigy, and Anakin's protege. Whatever coldness he felt before had melted away at the thought of her. He was so proud of her. More than she could ever know. He thought of more than his pride for his padawan. He thought of her large eyes, bluer than any jewel, her bronze skin, her full lips. She had been by his side for so long. Anakin didn't know what he'd do if she ever left him. But as quickly as the warm feeling in his chest came, it fled at the arrival of shame. Shame that he thought of her in such a manner. She didn't deserve that.
Anakin shook his head in frustration. No emotion, only peace. But how could he not swell with emotion when he thought of Ahsoka? Only his affection for Padme could rival his attachment to his padawan. But should he love another girl as much as he loves his wife? Maybe more than he loves his wife? It shouldn't be possible, in the little time that he's known Ahsoka. Padme was there for him. When he was adjusting to life in the Jedi Order. When his mother died. Was he going to betray her for young blood?
But Ahsoka Tano was anything but young blood. She was wise well beyond her years. He grew to respect her, and even love her.
These thoughts disturbed Anakin, bringing an intense pain to his head. Anakin broke his meditative position to rub his temples and then run a hand through his hair. He massaged his head until the sound of his door whooshing open brought him out of his mind. He turned to see the catalyst of his thoughts.
"Snips," Anakin spoke soft, softer than he usually did.
"Master," Ahsoka replied. She scanned his room. "A bit dark in here. You okay?"
Anakin dropped his gaze to the floor. He pondered before answering. "Yeah."
Ahsoka shook her head knowingly. She walked into the room, shutting the door behind her. "You know that you have people to talk to. Whatever it is that you're going through, you don't have to do it alone."
Anakin chuckled dryly. "I wish that were true, Snips. Stars, I wish that were true."
Ahsoka walked closer to where Anakin was sitting, propping herself on his bed. She sat like how she always did, one leg up, knee hugged against her chest. She sighed wistfully. The pair sat in silence for a few moments.
" 'Soka...I..."
Where would he even begin? Tell her that he loves her way more than he ever should, that her very presence made him question all that was right? That he'd considered leaving Padme for her? Sweet, honorable, loyal Padme? What a jackass he'd be if he dumped that onto her. To both of them. So instead, he just stared. Stared into her sapphire eyes and hoped that if he looked hard enough that he'd drown in them.
"Master-"
"For once, please, don't call me that. Just for once." He didn't want to be 'Master' of Ahsoka. Never did. Sure, he wanted the rank badly. But he wanted her more. Stars, how'd he let himself get to this point?
"Okay...Anakin." She stammered a bit when she said his name, as if she were speaking a foreign language.
Anakin's heart skipped a beat. He wanted to hear his name on her lips again.
Ahsoka tried again. "Anakin?"
"I'm lost. I don't know about anything anymore."
Ahsoka quirked an eye marking. "How's your connection with the Force? Maybe you need spiritual healing?"
He breathed heavily. "I've tried, okay? I've really tried and I just can't anymore."
"You can't be a Jedi? What's going on?"
"I can't be a liar. I can't go on like this." He sounded so vulnerable.
Ahsoka looked down at him worriedly. He could tell she wanted to help. It was in her nature. His chest swelled with pain.
"Anak-"
"Ahsoka, you know I'd do anything for you, right?"
She nodded slowly, confused. Anakin changed his position on the floor, moving over to Ahsoka's feet. With his good hand, he caressed her ankle. He felt her shiver under his touch.
So many boundaries had been crossed at this point. Anakin figured that he was in too deep, and there was only one way out of his struggle.
"I...fuck it."
Anakin lurched forward, his face crashing against Ahsoka's. His face enveloped Ahsoka's. He kissed her feverishly, like her lips were the only thing that could end his strife. They probably were. His better senses overcame him then, and he snatched himself back. Shame, white, hot shame washed over him. He looked away, too ashamed to face her. If he had hurt her, he couldn't bear to see what expression she'd make. Anakin's breaths were shallow and hard. Ahsoka made no noise. It was nearly uncanny. He inched away from her.
They sat like that, with only Anakin's labored breaths filling the room. Anakin managed to build enough courage to look Ahsoka in her eyes. Her expression was horrible. She looked pained. His arms gripped hers. Their eyes searched each others.
"I-I...I'm sorry." Anakin rose from his position and withdrew himself. He turned to his massive window, looking at the Coruscant lights. Maybe a speeder would crash into his room at that instant and put him out of his misery. Maybe he'd jump. Ahsoka's small voice dragged him from his thoughts.
"Anakin...I didn't know."
He stayed silent.
Ahsoka moved swiftly across the room and embraced Anakin from behind. Anakin felt the tension in his body slowly chip away.
Only serenity.
Anakin felt pretty close to that feeling with Ahsoka's arms around him.
He turned around to face her. With his towering frame, she had to crane her neck upwards. "I'm sorry 'Soka."
"For?"
"I shouldn't have done that to you. It wasn't the Jedi way, it wasn't right at all. I understand if you don't want to be my padawan anymore."
"I never said that. I...I wanted it."
Anakin was dumbfounded.
"I...I want you, Anakin."
How had he not noticed? All these years of fighting his feelings for her, he hadn't noticed her feelings for him. But it made sense now. The stolen glances on missions. Her need to always be beside him. Her desperation to prove herself to him. Her wanting to be seen as 'mature enough'. He'd forsaken it all in his selfish plight. Tears pricked at his eyes. He swiped them away in one motion.
"Snips. How can you know?"
"Don't you feel it? The bond we have? The Force is alive between us. Haven't you noticed?" She sounded bittersweet.
Anakin really felt like a jackass now. Of course his brilliant padawan was able to come to terms with the truth of their relationship way before he could. He wanted to laugh. Then cry.
Ahsoka looked solemn. "But I understand if you can't- if we can't. You love Padme, don't you?"
"I do."
"Then you can't love me." Ahsoka turned away from him, but Anakin grabbed an arm to pull her back. Ahsoka's eyes shimmered.
"I've waited so long for you to notice me, but you love her. The Force may be strong between us, but you didn't choose me. You chose her."
The words stung. Anakin had entangled these two into his mess. He was going to have to explain to Padme that he loved his padawan in a way that way more than cordial. He couldn't explain to Ahsoka that his love for Padme was out of necessity for her kindness to him during his years of struggle. Or that it was a distraction from his feelings for her. If Obi-Wan knew of the mess he'd created, he'd clap him over the head. Rex would just call him a General Asshole. Which he was. But he couldn't bring himself to let Ahsoka go. Even in all the nights that he held onto Padme, he knew deep inside that he wished it was someone else that he was holding. Someone who understood him better than Padme ever could. He knew that if he let Ahsoka go now, she'd never come back.
"My love for her...I won't deny it. But it's not like how I feel for you. She doesn't understand me like you do. She doesn't have what we have." At the last word, Anakin pulled Ahsoka closer with the Force. It felt as if there was unchecked electric energy between them.
"She's your wife. You can't leave her," Ahsoka whispered.
Anakin took her face into his hands. "But I can't leave you either. We don't have to talk about her right now. In fact, we don't have to talk at all."
Anakin dipped down to steal another kiss from Ahsoka. She kissed him back this time, returning his passion. They clawed at each other as they kissed. Anakin held her right against his body, squeezing her with all the might he could muster. He glanced down to see her lekku twirling upwards at the edges, and knew that her desire for him was real. He moved her over to this bed, flopping down on top of her. Ahsoka parted her lips slightly, allowing Anakin inside. She tasted like licorice, cherries, and sweet spice. He groaned against her mouth.
Ahsoka gripped at his robes and tugged on his hair. Anakin just kept his arms wrapped around her tightly. Drool came dribbling down their chins, and the obscene sound of skin smacking against skin filled the room. Anakin came up for air, resting his forehead on Ahsoka's. They both panted.
" 'Soka, you want this, right?" Anakin asked lazily. Ahsoka hesitated.
"I'm not sure."
"You want me, don't you?"
"Of course I do."
"Then it's fine."
Anakin kissed her again, more hungrily. "I won't hurt you Snips. Tell me right here, right now. Do you want me?"
"Yes-"
Ahsoka could barely get the word out before Anakin began pawing at her small frame. He fondled her breasts while another hand snaked down to caress her inner thigh. Ahsoka squirmed underneath him.
"Master- Anakin, it's my first time," She squeaked.
Anakin hummed. "I'll be gentle. It's not such a bad thing y'know, 'Soka."
Ahsoka nodded frantically. She was overwhelmed, he could tell. He really was a jackass. He stopped palming her. He couldn't do this the way he did it with Padme. He would have to take it slow. For her.
Anakin looked down at Ahsoka affectionately. "Just breathe, okay?"
Ahsoka's breathing slowed, and she seemed to calm down. They touched foreheads again. Anakin kissed her softly, rubbing her face as he did so. Ahsoka's whole body dropped now. He continued like this for a few more minutes before breaking the sweet kiss. "You ready?"
Ahsoka nodded.
Anakin slid off his robes, then helped Ahsoka out of her top and leggings. They kicked off their shoes. Together, they laid naked next to one another.
"Remember to breathe," Anakin reminded.
"O-okay."
Anakin climbed back on top of her. His rigid length rubbed against her thigh. He positioned himself at her entrance. Her womanhood was toffee colored. He began to ease in slowly. He felt her hymen tear at the force of him. Ahsoka scrunched her nose and began to breathe shallowly. Anakin rubbed her cheek with a warm thumb. "You're okay Snips. You're doing great."
He pushed himself all the way in and gave her a moment to breathe. She was impossibly tight. He almost came right there. But he had to wait for her. When Ahsoka's chest seems to slow in its rising and falling, only then did Anakin allow himself to move. He started at a slow pace, ever so slightly rocking his hips. Ahsoka had her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, her arms clutching onto his scarred back. His long strokes drew the cutest mewls from Ahsoka.
Gaining some confidence, Anakin steadily brought himself up to a moderate pace. Ahsoka's whines grew louder.
"S-slow down, I-I feel..."
"Feels good?"
Ahsoka could only nod. Anakin smirked. He leaned down and began kissing her neck sloppily. Ahsoka writhed with abandon. Underneath him, she looked perfect. Her breasts swayed, her chest heaved, her stomach contracted. Her face was clammy with sweat. Anakin wanted to have her like this all the time. Like this, they were connected. They were one. Two Force users intertwined in a sacred congregation. This was peace, knowledge, harmony. This was serenity.
He decided she was ready. She could take it.
He began to slam into her, finally allowing himself to lose control. With the sudden presence of his force, Ahsoka cried out in pain. But within her cries were moans, full fledged moans of pleasure. She was taking it, and she was taking it well. Anakin pounded into her cunt, no doubt bruising her pelvis. He moaned himself, lost in ecstasy. Thank the Force that no one was awake at this hour.
Anakin felt her juices spilling out onto his cock while her inner walls squeezed the life out of him. It was a mind-breaking feeling. He kept pushing, kept thrusting, hoping this feelings would last forever. Ahsoka had arched into him, ripping at his hair. Anakin grabbed her legs and hiked them over his shoulders, bringing her even closer. They remained in perfect union until Anakin could go no longer. He spilled deep her cunt, with white globs of his seed spilling out.
He stayed on top of her breathing hard. His breath mixed with Ahsoka's. Together they stayed in the darkness. Together in each other's arms, with only Coruscant's night life to shine a light on their fleshly insubordination.