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It had been thirty-seven days since Tara had stopped counting. It had been at least fifty days since she had arrived back in Alexandria, only to have her heart ripped out at the gates. Who knows how long it had been since Denise died, that's why she had stopped counting. She would never know the exact day, or how long it had been, and Tara did her best not to think about it. There were a lot of things Tara couldn't think about. But that didn't stop her mind from wandering, on late nights when she was desperate for sleep and the memories would flood back, memories made up from things she had been told. False memories of arrows and baseball bats and even though she wasn't there, she could see them, she could hear the sounds of impact and squishing blood every time she closed her eyes. Vivid images strung together by gore and barbed wire that projected bright against her eyelids with every blink. Tara had started coming to you at night, when things became too much for her to handle on her own. Without waking you, Tara would climb into bed beside you, finally able to but her thoughts to rest as she listened to you breathing.
You had known Tara since Glenn brought her into the group, becoming more acquainted with her once you settled down in Alexandria. You had always cared deeply for her, after finding out what she had been through when the prison fell. You two had become very good friends, but you always wanted to be more. But then Tara met Denise, and when they started slowly becoming more than just friends, you backed off entirely. You were more than willing to sacrifice your love for Tara's happiness. You were desperate to tell her how you felt before she left with Heath, but couldn't bring yourself to do it. You refused to jeopardize what she had with Denise, you couldn't hurt her like that. So you hugged her, told her goodbye, and she left. But then you watched as Denise died, watched as the arrow pierced right through her, almost as if was coming toward you. If Denise had been standing just a few inches to the left, you would be dead in her place, all thanks to that Savior's shitty aim. You had been there with Glenn too, but you couldn't think about that. You had seen both of them die, the two people other than you who were the closest to Tara, all the unimaginable death was burned into your eyes. But you couldn't imagine what horrible things her brain had twisted together.
You and Tara had gotten much closer since she had gotten back, and you were so anxious to confess your feelings to her, but it was too soon. There would never be a right time now. Little did you know, Tara had so much she wanted to confess to you too, since the day you had first met, but she had been too scared. She wasn't even for sure if you liked girls, so she just never mentioned it. But then Denise came along, things progressed and she had to move on. But now Denise was lost, and even though you were still her friend, she was still afraid that your heart was lost too. So you both had to continue on, oblivious to each others feelings. You had to. It was almost the motto of the world now, it's time to move on. But you couldn't, and neither could Tara.
"Am I bothering you?" Tara asked, one morning after she had crawled into bed with you.
"No," you replied, your arm around her shoulders, her head resting in the crook of your neck. "You could never bother me."
"It's just...I keep doing this, coming here, and I don't want to bother you just because I'm scared-"
"You can always come to me, Tara." you confessed, lifting your head just a bit so you could see her face. She nodded against your neck, her arm draped over your stomach. "Especially if you're scared."
"But, I'm scared all the time now, (y/n)." she whispered, her staggered breath was warm over your skin.
"I know..." you replied. "That's why you need to stay close to me."
"I don't want to be scared anymore. I've wanted to tell you something for a really long time and...I can't tell you if I'm scared." Tara said, sitting up on her elbow, her hand trailing over your forehead.
"Tell me." you whispered. Tara took in a shaky breath and looked down into your eyes.
"I'm scared that...once I do you'll go away." she said sadly. "I don't want you to get taken away from me." You shook your head against her hand.
"I'm not going anywhere, Tara." you said strongly, a sudden rush of courage hitting your chest in waves.
"I love you." Tara finally said, through grief and guilt and fear, but it didn't matter anymore, because once the words fell from her lips all of those feelings were gone, and they were replaced with something unknown, a single feeling hanging by a thread in her heart as she waited so patiently for you to respond. But when you smiled up at her, she knew the answer, and you didn't have to say a word for her lips to fall down to yours.