Chapter Text
The ringing in his ears alarmed him at first, but as the sound subsided, the rest of his senses awakened. The first thing he saw was the unfamiliar ceiling of the room. White with a ceiling fan spinning slowly, and as he tilted his head sideways, he got a very good idea of where he was.
In a hospital room.
Through the window leading out of the room, he saw a couple of nurses by their station, doing whatever it was that occupied their time. The smell of the room was clean, like anti-septic with a hint or something floral. He turned to the left of him and saw an entire arrangements of flowers. Some looked wilted, others look fresh.
And then the panic set in. Fortunately, he was connected to machines so the slightest elevation in his heart rhythm alerted the nurses. He went from zero to one hundred in a second, allowing himself to panic in his situation. His levels spiked, the machine made a weird noise that was sensitive to his ears and the nurses rushed in.
“Mr. Bridgerton, we’re going to need you to calm down!” The nurse said as Colin tried to lift himself out of bed, but the nurse gently pushed in down.
“I can’t stay here, I have somewhere to be. She’s going to think I’ve abandoned her in her time of need.” Colin said, his voice unusually raspy and his throat dry. He cleared his throat a few times after, and the second nurse quickly assisted him by giving him a glass of water. The first first changed the settings of the bed to make him sit upwards and once that was done, he took slow, careful sips upon the nurse’s requests.
“Are you alright? How do you feel?” The nurse asked as she took the glass from his hand. Upon hearing that, he felt the instant sting of a hurt head, and he winced as he reached up and touched his forward, surprised to feel the texture of a bandage.
“There was some swelling on your brain as a result of the accident. Doctor Danbury was able to alleviate the swelling, but we should call for a neuro exam whilst you are alert.” The nurse said.
“I’ll page neuro.” The second nurse said, the blonde one, then left the room in a hurry. Colin couldn’t understand why he was in a hospital bed. All he knew was that he was on his way to Featherington House for Archibald’s funeral, and…
And….. and what? Dear God, why can’t I remember!?
A frazzled and confused Colin must have alerted the nurse’s senses, because she picked a torch that looked like a pen from her pocket and clicked it on.
“Mr. Bridgerton, are you experiencing any form of discomfort? A headache, maybe?” Colin’s head was gently turned in her direction, but Colin was too focused on trying to remember.
Okay, okay. No need to panic. Let’s just recap what’s happened already. Pen called you this morning and she asked if you could come a bit earlier so she didn’t have to deal with her mother and sisters alone. Felicity called you shortly afterwards and asked if you could bring those donuts she likes. You got in the Rover, you passed the intersection and…. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?
“Mr. Bridgerton?” The nurse called out, and Colin’s attention was then shifted to her. He checked her name tag, Nurse Jackie Conrad. Beautiful woman. Long, beautiful hair, glossy lips, brown eyes with flecks of gold. Even in his state, Colin couldn’t dismiss the fact that Nurse Jackie Conrad was a beautiful woman.
“I’m listening.” Colin replied, and Nurse Jackie nodded.
“Headaches? Also, I need you to look straight ahead.” She said, and Colin froze for a moment, and in his silence she realised just what Nurse Jackie had told him earlier. His eyes widened in shock.
“Wait, I had brain surgery?” He said in a panic.
“You did, and your brother wouldn’t let just anyone operate on you. He wanted only Doctor Danbury, the head of neurology department here.” Nurse Jackie said with a grin.
“You must be speaking of Anthony, my oldest brother.”
“Talking to the Nurse about me?” They both turned to entrance, and there stood Anthony and Kate. Anthony looked somewhat relieved despite his playful comment, and Kate immediately rushed in and engulfed him into the world’s largest hug.
“Colin, we’re so glad you’re awake! Everyone’s here. They’ll be in shortly.” Kate said, mid hug.
“It’s always so comforting to receive hugs from you, Kate. You’ve always been the best at it.” Colin smiled.
“Well, you can expect plenty more.” Kate said, then sat next to him on the vacant chair by his bed. Anthony stepped closer, and the moment they met, he heard his brother sob on his shoulder.
“I was so worried!” Anthony cried. “You gave us such a scare.” They embraced in silence for a few more moments, until they heard a gasp behind them.
“Colin.” Anthony released his iron grip upon hearing their mother’s voice. Violet looked at him with such relieve and love, and with such worry at the same time. Her hand covered her mouth, but her tears were still visible.
“Mother.” Colin sighed, and then Violet hugged him far tighter than both Kate and Anthony did.
“I have prayed for you to wake up and now here you are, alive and well.” His mother’s embrace wasn’t all he expected it to be. Yes, it was warm and loving, but he didn’t understand why she prayed for him to wake up.
“Wait…” he backed away from her slowly. “How long was I out? Also, what happened?” Colin asked, and the three of them exchanged looks.
“Colin, you were out for 17 days.” Kate told him, and his mind went blank. 17 whole days!!???
“Hasn’t Agatha been here to check on him?” Anthony asked Nurse Jackie.
“Mr. Bridgerton just woke up. We have paged neuro for a consult. They should be here shortly.” Nurse Jackie replied. “But I’ll go and see what the delay is.”
“Before you leave, please ensure the rest of our family remains in the waiting room. I think it’s best we have Agatha examine him first before they all see him.” Anthony said.
“Maybe we should call his wife as well?” Nurse Jackie suggested, and Colin shook his head wildly and gathered their attention.
“I got married?” Colin asked, shocked by the news he was hearing for the first time in his life. “I’m married. Me, as in third born son, Colin Bridgerton, I got married?”
Violet’s jaw dropped, Kate looked concerned, Anthony turned to the nurse quickly.
“Get Agatha here now!” He roared, and the nurse hurried out, clearing understanding the urgency in Anthony’s voice or the magnitude of the situation. Colin wasn’t sure which one it was.
“I can’t believe I’m married. I wish I could remember Marina as my bride. I’m sure she looked absolutely beautiful.” Colin beamed, his smile reaching his eyes and his heart suddenly beating a little faster. As fast as his happiness arrived, he was flooded with a sense of settle. Given the last few memories of Marina he had, it wasn’t the best. He even thought of ending his relationship with her many times. She didn’t like spending time with his family, grew jealous of Penelope, and Marina especially didn’t like it when he went out with Eloise and Penelope.
Could I have married Marina? Did she change? Did I change?
Colin was then certain it had to have been Marina, because just who else could it have been? He wanted to ask his family, but they were outside his room already, probably discussing with the nurses or hurrying Agatha to his room.
Why isn’t my wife here?
—
Penelope cursed her bladder for making her take too many runs to the toilet. She didn’t want to be away from the waiting room for too long in case she missed crucial information.
Then the thing she feared the most happened. When she entered the waiting room, everyone looked so relieved. Hyacinth and Felicity had shed a few tears.
“What’s going on?” She asked as she approached Sophie, Benedict and Eloise.
“He’s awake!” Eloise exclaimed, and Penelope was far too overcome with relieve to rejoice with them. She stumbled back and landed on one of the chairs, buried her head into her hands and cried.
“Sister, there’s no need to cry. Colin’s awake.” She heard Felicity’s plea, but it didn’t help. Penelope sobbed and sobbed for what felt like hours and the people around her tried to comfort her.
“Can we see him? I know he already has visitors and there’s a three people max rule, but please?” Penelope heard Benedict asked.
“You can, of course. But he’s being evaluated by Doctor Danbury first.” One for his doctors replied, and Penelope wiped her tears away.
“Thank you, thank you so much for bringing him back.” Penelope replied, gratefully.
“Of course. I’ll be back shortly.” The doctor replied, then went about.
“17 days, and now he’s finally awake.” Gregory said.
“I’m never going to tease him again. I missed him far too much to tease him now.” Felicity said.
“I should sue him for the amount of distress I was under.” Penelope joked.
“I’ll sue him too. God, is Colin my favourite brother now?” Eloise asked as she sat beside Penelope.
“Here, coffee.” Penelope forgot Daphne and Simon had run off to get coffee for everyone and when she placed the cup in front of Penelope, she politely declined.
“I’ve already had my cup of coffee for the day. I should have told you, I’m sorry.” Penelope replied.
“One more really won’t hurt, Pen. Or just take a few sips and give the rest to Michaela. She and Fran should be here soon.” Daphne replied.
Hyacinth went on to tell Daphne and Simon the news, but what wasn’t sitting right with Penelope was that she was wasn’t by Colin’s side. She sat through bed changes and other examinations that didn’t require radiation whilst Colin was still declared in a coma. She didn’t like that she wasn’t by his side, so she made her move.
Whilst everyone was occupied, she excused herself and made her way to his room.
A few feet from Colin’s room stood a tearful Violet, a saddened Kate and a somewhat enraged Anthony. Slowly, she approached the trio.
“What’s happening with Colin?” Penelope asked, then she winced as a sudden kick to her abdomen shook her. She gently soothed over the pain to listen to their answers.
“Penelope,” Violet’s sobs didn’t reassure her that they had good news to share. “I’m so sorry, my daughter.” Penelope didn’t like that she apologised one bit, but her mind made her assume it was the worst. Her vision became blurry, her heart broken into a million pieces.
“No, no….” She silently sobbed. “No. The doctor said he’s awake. No…” Penelope’s voice cracked as she let her tears flow freely.
“No, he’s awake. But we have some bad news to share.” Kate quickly said, and Penelope let out a violent sob, more so annoyed at Violet.
“Violet, I love you so much but you really can’t start a sentence like that. I thought he was…” Penelope couldn’t even let herself finish that sentence.
“That’s my mistake, I’m sorry.” Violet wiped her tears away, and then slowly reached out and held Penelope’s hands.
“The last thing he remembers is your father’s funeral.” Penelope’s demeanour shifted to confusion.
“That was four years ago. What?” Penelope shook her head in disbelief.
“That’s not all.” Anthony stepped forward.
“Well, then tell me.” Penelope urged.
“The nurse mentioned him having a wife, and now he’s under the impression that over the last four years, he married Marina instead of you.” That was somehow worse than him having lost four years of his memory. Penelope slowly let go of Violet’s hand and stepped back.
“He…” her voice broke and her tears fell yet again. “He doesn’t remember loving me?” Violet looked away from her and winced slightly, but Penelope didn’t miss the tears that fell.
“He’s always been in love with you, he said it himself in his vows. He just didn’t know what those strong feelings were yet.” Kate replied.
“But, but four years. Four years of his memories are gone.” Penelope replied, then wiped her tears away.
“Agatha asked us to do something. She wanted us to hold off from telling him the truth for a while, but that’s not our decision to make. It’s yours. You can go in there and tell him everything. We’re not going to stop you.” Anthony told her.
“I do, I really do want to tell him everything. I’ve spent 17 nights without him and all I really want to do is hold him and talk to him and tell him everything.” Penelope replied, and Anthony nodded.
“Okay.”
“Can you come with me please, Violet?” Penelope asked.
“Of course I can, love.” Violet took her had again and lead her into the room.
-
It took every nerve in her body to stop herself from running to him and holding him for hours, but given his fragile mind, she had to be patient and ease into everything. She stood by the door for a moment and examined him from head to toe. A bandage wrapped around his head, a smile on his face and with his arms across his chest. She mustered up the courage to speak.
“Colin?” She softly called out, and he turned to her. Somehow his smile grew even wider.
“Pen!” He exclaimed like a happy child, but his smile instantly died when his eyes roamed her and he spotted her stomach. “You’re pregnant?” He asked, and Penelope nodded.
“Yes, five months.” Penelope said as she and Violet fully entered the room. Violet closed the door and Penelope sat in the vacant seat next to his bed.
“Congratulations, Pen. You’re going to be a phenomenal mother. But I’m sure I’ve already told you all this.” Colin said, and she nodded.
“You have, yes.”
“So, are we still best friends?” Colin said, turning his entire body to face her.
“We are, now so more than ever.” Penelope couldn’t help but smile.
“Oh, I’m glad some things haven’t changed. I really don’t think I’d be able to function in a world where we’re fighting.” Colin sighed.
“Colin, that was such a long time ago.” Penelope replied.
“But it’s still fresh in my mind, like it happened yesterday.” Colin replied. “I lost fours years of my life, and I don’t know if I’ve ever apologised.” Colin said, and Penelope suddenly remembered Violet was also in the room.
“We spoke about everything after my father’s funeral.” She replied.
“I’m sorry I was so rude about Debling. I really don’t know why I despise the guy so much. He’s just blonde and tall and older and he’s just so…” she searched Colin’s face for a moment as she found the word.
“Particular!” Colin yelled at the top of his lungs in Penelope’s apartment.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Penelope stared at her friend in complete confusion.
“He’s just so plain and boring and a stickler for the rules. I honestly don’t see you with someone as boring as him.” Colin folded his arms like a petulant child.
“Really? And since you’re the expert in MY love life, just who do you picture me with then?” Penelope asked, entirely annoyed by him and his need to start an argument with her all because her boyfriend was vegan.
“Not him!” Colin said, his face red from waking all her neighbours up.
“You’re one to talk. At least my boyfriend doesn’t force me into things I’m uncomfortable with.” Penelope said, stepping to him and waking the rest of her neighbours up.
”I can’t believe you’re throwing that in my face! I told you that in confidence!” He exclaimed, pointing at her and she swatted his hand away.
“Don’t point that finger at me, and you don’t get to insult my boyfriend because he doesn’t eat meat! Why are you being such a dick right now?” Penelope asked him, and he scoffed.
”Oh, I’m the dick? Your boyfriend’s the one who acts like he’s better than the rest of the world all because he doesn’t eat meat. So performative!”
“I think you’ve said enough. I’m home safely, now you can leave.” Penelope sternly said, but Colin stepped into her space and her heart leaped almost entirely out of her ribcage.
“Break up with him.”
“No! Get out!” Colin looked utterly defeated by her chasing him away, and because she basically yelled at him with her whole chest.
“I’ll leave, but don’t call me later when you’ve come to realise you’ve just settled. Don’t call me crying when you realise that I was right, that you didn’t go after when you actually deserve.” What hurt the most about his statement was the way he said it, so stern and serious, and he didn’t raised his voice.
”…particular.” Colin said, basically repeating his words, and Penelope couldn’t help but laugh. He did as well, then he gasped.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t even realise he might be the father of your baby, since I have no clue who it is.” Penelope’s smile faded, then she shook her head.
“He’s not the father. Alfred and I broke up a few weeks after my father’s funeral.” She watched him sigh greatly with relief.
“Oh, I’m so glad! And I was right!” Colin said.
“You were right, Colin. You were right about a lot of things in these last four years.” Penelope said.
“I can’t believe you’re actually admitting to me to being right. I’ve waited years for this to happen!” She laughed again. Man, she really missed him. So much. “And since I’m in such a fragile state, will you please admit that I was right about the yellows? You look absolutely adorable in them as a child.” Colin smiled at her, and her heart smiled as well. She really missed him, especially just talking to him.
“I’m afraid you’re never going to hear me say those words ever again.” She replied, and Colin turned to Violet.
“You should have been recording, mother.” Violet just shook her head with a smile. He turned back to her.
“Colin, I have to tell you something else.” She said, shifting closer to him. He leaned in too, ever so attentively.
“If you’re going to tell me you’re married, I can tell.” He said, looking at the ring on her finger. It wasn’t her original wedding ring she wore, the one he gave her was Violet’s. She wore the ring he had purchased for her during their honeymoon. “It’s a beautiful ring.” Colin softly smiled.
“Thank you, my husband has good taste. It was bought on our honeymoon in Greece.” Penelope told him, and he gasped.
“You went to Greece? We always said we’d go together!” Colin pouted.
“We both went on our honeymoon to Greece, at the same time, Colin.” She said, and she hoped he would come to a conclusion by himself, that she wouldn’t have to remind him of the obvious, but the obvious didn’t make sense to him because he had lost four years of his memory.
Instead of focusing on her words, he made a revelation of his own. “I have a feeling Marina’s not really my wife.” Shocked, Penelope turned to Violet and she slowly rose from her seat.
“What makes you say that?” Violet asked him.
“She’s not overly fond of you, Penelope. She’s always felt a certain way about our friendship. I don’t think she’d like that we went to Greece together, and on our honeymoons with our spouses there.” Penelope sighed, deeply. She forgot how truly oblivious Colin was with his feelings towards her, and now she had to live through that again.
“Colin, what I’m saying is that I-” He interrupted her.
“Marina didn’t like you, Pen. We spent so long arguing about you and when we weren’t talking, Marina was the happiest she’d been in a very long time. I also don’t think I’d stay with anyone who didn’t like that I spent so much time with my family, you included.” Colin said, smiling at her. She knew she just had to rip the bandage off and tell him.
“But you were so certain…” Violet said. Penelope felt some hope creep up in her chest, that he would at least acknowledge her as his wife.
“I simply forgot, and now that I’ve had this conversation with Penelope, it makes sense.” Colin said. “I must have met someone else in the last four years then.” And then, Penelope’s heart broke again. He couldn’t even imagine her his wife. “I never would have stayed with someone who wouldn’t want me to be there for you, Pen. You’re my family, I wouldn’t have allowed it.”
And there it was. A broken heart and a stab wound. He saw her as his sister.
She pushed her chair back slightly and got to her feet.
“I know this is probably going to disappoint you, and I’m sorry, but I’m sure it will all make sense to you at later stage.” Penelope took a deep breath.
“I’m your wife. We’ve been married for two years, and I’m five month pregnant with our daughter. We stay in Bloomsbury, and we honeymooned in Greece. You bought me this ring in Greece.” She said, showing him the ring on her finger. Colin stared at her like she was an alien, and she could tell he was processing the news.
“We got married?” Colin pointed between the two of them.
“Yes.” Penelope replied. Colin stared at his mother for confirmation, and Violet nodded.
“I can’t believe this.” He shook his head, and then he turned to her. “Do we have other children?” He asked, and she knew exactly why. He wanted to know if it was a case of him being obligated to marry her.
“No. She will be our first.” Penelope told him.
“Oh.” It was the most underwhelming, most disappointing oh she had ever heard, and the knife was pushed into her deeper, causing further pain.
Despite her pain, she brushed her hair to the side and soothed over her belly. “I can’t stay long, I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning so I’m going to leave you and let you catch up with your family. I’ll come back afterwards and we can talk some more, if you’re up for it.” Penelope told him, and he just nodded his head, not even looking at her.
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry!
“Okay.” Mustering up some courage despite her fear of rejection, she leaned in a gave him a gentle kiss on his forehead. She whispered the words, “I love you” against his skin. He didn’t respond, and that hurt. That hurt more than any of the hurts she felt today.
“I love you more.” He would always answer back.
She turned around and left, not even stopping to listen to Violet’s pleas behind her. She ignored Anthony and Kate calling for her, she walked right past the rest of the family in the waiting room. They called for her too, but she ignored them. Right now, she needed to be alone. She needed to process what she had learned and most importantly, she needed to come to terms with a very different perspective of what her life might be now.
Her husband didn’t love back.