Chapter Text
In his arms laid an elven corpse, cooling and yet still possessing the slight warmth that indicated that, not long before, it had been a living, breathing thing. A small smile spread her still lips, eyes closed by gentle fingers that trailed across her tear stained cheek. Her last moments had been of happiness, fond memories and blissful ignorance. He had made sure of it. It took him a moment of staring into the former inquisitor’s face to realize that he was crying.
They came slowly, at first, the choking, and the spasms of absolute despair that wracked his frame. Solas grasped the body of his dead vhenan as tightly as he could, as if she would be yanked away from his grasp at any moment. Her soul was already gone, and he hadn’t even been able to give her a proper goodbye. He had lied to her, told her that it would all be okay. As the Dread Wolf clung to Lavellan’s body, he began to wonder if what he had done had been the right thing. He had to fight to remind himself that it was. The inquisitor couldn’t be allowed to live freely, she would make every effort to destroy his plans, and yet it was cruel to imprison her. She loved her freedom so much…
Now you can truly be free…
The thought had him sobbing again, harder than before. She was gone and he had killed her! His love! His heart! But what other choice did he have? His fist crashed angrily against the rough stone he sat upon. It’s all my fault! If I had never been foolish enough to put up the veil…why am I like this? Why do I break everything I touch? Throwing back his head, the Dread Wolf howled, channeling all the anguish, desolation, and self-hatred he felt into the unnatural sound that exploded past cracked lips.
Forgive me, vhenan! I beg you! Forgive me, please!
But even as the desperate thought shot through his mind, he knew he didn’t deserve it. She should hate him for eternity. She should cast him into hell for what he had done, and he would accept every second of torture gladly. He deserved it. He needed it. Solas clutched the body of his love tighter, bringing her to his chest before standing with Lavellan in his arms. She had deserved so much better than him.
A shadow was cast over his position, and he recognized it immediately. Turning, the electric eyes of the Elvhen met with the cold depths of Cole, the spirit of compassion. He was watching the Dread Wolf with an expression akin to disappointment, and Solas bowed his head with shame.
“Please…just tell me. Is she…happy?” It was all he was brave enough to ask in that moment. His eyes lifted pleadingly to Cole’s. He’d beg for the knowledge if he had to.
“She is.” The response from the spirit had been simple, and yet so strong that it sent an enormous wave of relief shooting through Fen’Harel’s mind. He let out a breath he hadn’t known he had been holding. Tears continued to leak past his gaze, but with more confidence, Solas turned to make his way back towards his fortress, still clinging to his beloved. He planned to build a shrine for her, something he could visit each day to remind Lavellan of how much he loved her, and how sorry he was.
Ar lath ma, vhenan.