Chapter Text
Wallowing in my fury. "Well," I smile at the lovely news bestowed on me, "If you excuse me, I'll be packing my belongings!" I turn heading for the door. I try as hard as I can for my voice to be indifferent.
"I truly am sorry about this situation," Suzuki says. Eyebrows furrowed, the corners of her mouth twisted down. Posture slightly amiss.
My head hung low on the walk back to my office. Re-living every scene from the past few days. Every mistake I could have made. I know for a fact I hadn't made any. I've been sharp all week! getting more sleep than usual, more attentive than I have ever since I started working here!
It adds more onto the fact that everything is different. License suspended, title lost, my reputation. Sure, people may forget, but no administrative staff will look at my file the same! Balling my fist up. my nails digging crescent in my palms.
Hah! Its comical almost. One statement from a first time patient. and I, experienced, level headed Dr. Takami. years of school, of practice, commitment and one FALSE— extremely false accusation. My life in the field might as well be over.
Walking through the door, I switch the light. Adjusting the brightness to the lowest lever. in hopes of curing my migraine. I bee line straight to my desk. Not much to pack, yet, you can tell it was occupied. No pictures of friends or family. The pens and notes sporadically around. My jacket on a chair by the door. looking around the room from this view point truly brings out the occupation I have taken within it.
The small pocket mirror on the desk. My eyes narrow down to it. Blond hair thoroughly ran through by my fingers. Sharp, golden eyes, pupils dilated due to the low light. The empty spot where my hospital badge used hang out of my coat pocket. Now a reminder of what being born into superiority can get you. how accusations can take things from you that have been worthily earned.
Dropping down to my chair. Regarding the somewhat decorated office. I take a deep breath just watching the room. lived in through the crooked rug under the desk and chairs facing it. The coffee mug stains on the coffee table. Haggard blanket lay on the sofa's arm rest, misshaped pillows. due to being laid on way too much after a long surgery and a shift yet to be completed. Running my hand through my hair.
A sigh leaves my lips. Slipping into a reverie of what I could have done differently to avoid this outcome. Could there have been anything to avoid it in the first place? I take a sharp inhale though my nose, reeling the breath thorough my mouth. My eyes move to the desk. one by one making a mental checklist of the things that need to get done before I leave.
Before I can thoroughly be swallowed in this chair I force myself up. "Oh..fuck," my vision blurs. pressing my palms to my eyes, rubbing away at the haze in my eyes. My eyes slowly adjusting to the light of the room after releasing my eyes from my palms. A shuddering breath escapes me. I tell myself I'm just tired. There's no reason for me to be as fatigued as I feel right now.
I grab the flattened cardboard box. Pushing the out to expand the sides before flipping to the bottom arranging the 4 flaps to hold weight. the first thing I grab is the mirror facing it down against the desk then into the box.
Walking out to the parking lot headed towards the car. A cool breeze in the winter air. I fish out the keys from my jean pockets. The trapezoid key in my hands. Feeling each ridge and dip of the cool metal with my thumb. Circling the center where a fourths of a sphere protrude. My thumb settles on the furthest up button, unlocking the car. I slip the key back into my back pocket before reaching for the door handle to the driver's side. Sliding my foot as I duck my head. Careful to not drop the box of items before me. I shut the door as I place the box on the passenger seat.
Foot on the break pedal, forearm on rested on the glove box, finger right on the 'start engine' button. My fingers rap around the wheel as I stare into the horizon. Finally lowering my gaze, drawn to the blue and white checkered emblem in the middle of the wheel. Resting my forehead on the top of the steering wheel, another sigh breaks free. It feels like thousands just within the hour.
The drive home after a life changing event always feels different. I mean nothing has changed on my way home. The commute home practically second nature by now. How I've done it basically in my sleep, after a long shift at the hospital. The buildings the same; however, more lights occupy the building. Familiar hole in the wall cafe I've told myself I'd go to when I had the time. The playground in the park I've passed thousands of time.
Sure, there is a slight feeling of emptiness that was once filled by the security of my job. Nevertheless there's other things I also need to worry about. I take a shuddering breath. Rolling my shoulders back as a take a deep breath in. Glancing at the time at the corner of the dashboard. 4:28PM.
God, it's been ages since I've left the hospital this early. It's supposed to stress me out. Being let off temporarily, yet I can't bring it in me to feel any way about it.
I slow at the upcoming red light. On the side walk, there's a middle age woman and her son. The son looks to be in primary school clutching his toys. A toothy smile on his face unwavering. Before I can dwell furthermore on the sight before me. The light turns green and I release the break pedal to go.
The rest of the drive is a blur. Nothing notable to recall anyways. I drive into the underground car park; parking in my assigned parking spot. I grab the box from passenger seat, then stepping out. The unfamiliar murmur of people on their way or coming back from an outing is strange. Too used to the quiet of the parking late at night.
I press the elevator button; waiting for the doors to open. the high pitch ding the button makes as I stand directly in front of the door. box in hand. waiting around allows me to ponder on. How will I continue living in this building? paying rent and utilities. With the other bills I have to pay for. the ding of the elevator shakes me out of my thoughts.
I scramble to quickly get inside the elevator. I step through the frame, taking a sharp turn to my left. My eyes scanning the panel containing the floor numbers. '25, 25' I chant in my mind. my eyes fall on the number, pressing it. I lean again the mirrored walls of the elevator. staring straight ahead, my hair dishevels, my clothes gang loosely. I huff out a sigh before I take my phone out of my pocket. Quickly glancing through notifications. I put my phone away before I mindlessly scroll on social media.
I feel shit enough for no longer having a job at the moment. salt on a open wound for me to end up scrolling on my phone for the rest of the day. The elevator doors open; I step out. Balancing the box on one arm I dig around my back pocket to unlock the front door.
i push the door open with my back as I hold the box with both arms. the scent of cleaning products emit from the apartment. the cleaning lady must have came by today. what day is it? Kicking the door behind me shut. Crouching to place the box down and to remove my shoes. I grab the shoes to put them away in the coat closet when I notice my previously mess of a closet had been tidied up. I thank whatever series of events lead to me hiring a cleaning lady on that god forsaken day.
Putting the shoes on my shoe rack I kick the box of my stuff into the closet as well. I mean there's no point in unpacking if I'm to be cleared for my license anyways. I shrug the thought off. I mean, its not like any of those objects have a place here. I bought those all for work specifically.
Walking towards the kitchen in need for a snack. I open the fridge, all my energy and coffee drinks are pushed to the left top of the fridge. scanning for anything to eat immediately or low effort to cook. hmm, I means there are eggs but I just cant be bothered to cook right now. I sigh, closing the fridge without anything to scarf up. next is to search the cabinets for snacks. Open the cabinets looking for anything edible at this point.
Dear god I really need to go grocery shopping. To no avail, I give up. Splay myself on the couch, an arm hanging off the other across my stomach. Staring up at the ceiling letting my mind wander. I have a day to fill to occupy myself. If I stay home in bed all day ill rue the day. I think of anything I can do right now. When an idea comes to me! I'll go to the gym. I haven't gone in a while.
Just the idea of the gym has me up and getting ready. Thinking of the machines I'll use; the group of muscle I'll train for the day. Fishing through my closet for something suitable to wear. I settle on a pair of black sweat pants and a white t-shirt under my blue hoodie. I dig my gym bag out of the corner of the closet. I don't even want to think about how long its been since I've gone to to gym.
I toss the bag on the counter tops. Turning my back to the bag to grab a reusable water bottle. Filling it up with water from the fridge, grabbing an energy drink along with it. Zipping open my bag I throw the water bottle in; however, keep the energy drink in hand.
In the elevator pressing the garage to go down. The shoes irritating my heels. Really shows how much time its been since I last wore these. Digging my finger into the backs of them to re-adjust it in a more comfortable fit. I sigh in defeat. Having to just bear through the agitation.
Its been a while since I've had a good workout in. Stretching my neck as I do so. Rolling my shoulders back then forward. Sitting criss cross just marinating in the calmness I haven't felt in a while. Though my meditation is disturbed by my rumbling stomach. Oh, right, I need to go get groceries. I mean it's cheaper than eating out. I could really use to pinch some cash right now. Who knows how long my license will be suspended for.
No longer able to just wallow in my misery. I get up with a sigh. Slinging my bag along with me.
Sitting in the car just waiting for the car to warm up in this winter cold. sure, I maybe sheltered from the wind, but just the air is enough is cold. Rubbing my hands together and blowing hot air on them. Shimmying further into my seat as I feel the seat heater getting put to good use.
The way to my nearest grocery store is foreign at best. Its been a while since I've actually went into to grab food for the weeks. Usually I would have just get something from the cafeteria from the hospital. The snacks from the vending machine would hold me off until they served again.
Grocery shopping isn't as fun as other kinds of hopping to say the least. Though I indulged in my urges of snacking I also thought of meals for the week. Id like to meal prep but cooking every day will keep me occupied. A routine I could build for the coming days that will no longer consist of the hospital. exchange the sterile smell for a home cooked aroma that will fill my apartment.