Chapter Text
Vladimir's mental health has been on a roller coaster recently. I mean he just lost his father—not to mention some of his friends even if they haven't talked to him a lot.
His very own father—betrayed him, had revealed how he viewed Vlad. As a tool for him to use the power, of the Pravus.
He sighed heavily as he recalled everyone who died that week—that devastating week. He had thought Ill of his own uncle because of his father's manipulation. And to this day, he misses him. Despite everything.
His father's death pained him deeply. He was the person he trusted, with His whole soul. Who he wondered about, wanted to become like him. learn from him. Only to be wrong in the worse way possible. used for manipulation.
Then there's Vikas. He loved Vikas, he taught him everything—almost everything. He still was very grateful for him, it was a truly heartbreaking to have him betray him, along with his father. His partner in crime.
Then there's Enrico. He enjoyed going to the V-bar. He enjoyed his conversations, enjoyed the jokes, the feeling of speaking with a friend of his father and uncle, and the strong connection and bond they shared. He enjoyed his presence, his reasons to be mad at him for killing Dorian.
He should've been strong enough to protect himself. Should've called Otis, Vikas, Anyone to help him save Dorian. But he was useless.
He should've died that day. He blamed himself with the tragic death of Dorian. Even if Dorian was a bit obsessed with the idea of drinking his blood. He should've drink the blood, he offered his wrist to him! Wanted to save him!!
Despite Everything that had happened with Dorian, he was oddly strong, kind, and well Vlad wanted to make Dorian not scary to other vampires. He related to Dorian. Not everyone liked him. But for Dorian they feared him.
(Nelly doesn't die in this AU but I'll do it for funsies)
And Aunt Nelly. Nelly..saying her name with his voice disgusted himself. He was almost able to save her. Almost!! He was just not capable of being against his father's speed. It happened in a Blink of an eye. Her life flashed not only through her eyes. But at Otis, Henry, Joss, hell even Vikas! But to Vlad, he saw his mom again. His aunt, his guardian, the only person who understood how to always be there for him. The person he loved for the past 7 years of his whole life! Protecting, loving, caring for, cherishing every moment with her. Only to have it taken from him. His mother.
His mother dying because of him.
His fault it was all his fault!
He blamed himself for each and everyday, that everybody who died that faithful night he was to blame. Him. Not Tomas. Him. He blamed himself for his parents death, also Dorian's, everyone. If he hadn't been born none of this would had happened.
He raised the knife. His anger and sorrow growing at the sight of his trembling skinny, pale arm in front of him. Without thinking, shutting his eyes hard, he slashed his right wrist. (The one without his vampire mark)
The blood makes it way out of the cut, running down the arm. Vlad stares at it. His sorrow an selfish reasons for this growing. He needed to do this. For everyone who died because of him.
Suddenly, frantic knocks come from the door. Vladimir's body struggles to come back from his thoughts, still dazed.
Shit.
Vladimir’s instincts took over immediately. He put the knife under the bed. out of sight, pulled down his sleeves, and stepped away from his bed.
The knocking came again.
Harder.
More urgent.
“Vlad!”
Henry.
Vlad froze. Oh no! He couldn’t found out what he had been doing, it would ruin their friendship. Even worse if he snitches on him, tell Otis and Nelly, Just the thought makes him sick.
His stomach dropped.
Of all people. Seriously Henry? Either way, He was relieved it was Henry and not Otis.
“Vlad, open the door!”
“I’m busy!” He shouted back
“Open the door!” Henry protested
There was something wrong with Henry’s voice.
Not angry.
Worried. Very worried, a bit urgent and in a rush.
Which was somehow worse. Vlad hesitated. Then crossed the room and unlocked the door.
The second it opened, Henry pushed inside.
“Dude, what took so long?”
Vlad shrugged. Trying to seem as if everything was normal, and ignore the fact he just cut himself.
“Nothing.” He said barely above a whisper.
Henry didn’t answer.
Instead, his eyes swept across the room.
The desk, The bed, The floor.
Then back to Vlad.
A sick feeling settled into Vlad’s stomach.
Because Henry was looking at him with that expression.
The one that meant he’d noticed something.
“What?” Vlad asked.
“Nothing.” Henry replied
“Henry.” He spoke a bit more serious.
“Dude!”
“What?”
Henry crossed his arms.
The concern in his eyes hadn’t disappeared.
It had only gotten stronger. Which kinda made Vlad even more anxious.
“Your hiding something.”
Vlad rolled his eyes.
"I'm not, your weird.”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
Neither of them spoke for a moment.
Henry’s gaze lingered on him.
Studying. Thinking. Trying to put something together.
Vlad hated that look. Wanted to just ignore it and reassure Henry that nothing is bad, that he wasn’t sick. Wasn’t suicidal, that he wasn’t a baby to always need eyes on him.
Mostly because Henry's guesses were usually right.
Absolutely.
Suddenly all the pressure was too much to bear. Vlad tried to stop it, stop his weakside from coming but was to weak himself.
"I feel like everyone would've genuinely be better off without me"
Henry stared at him.
For a moment, he didn’t say anything.
His face was completely unreadable.
Which was somehow worse.
Vlad shifted uncomfortably, wishing Henry would just say something.
Yell.
Laugh.
Tell him he was being dramatic.
Anything.
The silence was making his chest hurt.
“Say something.”
Henry let out a slow breath.
“No.”
Vlad frowned.
“What?”
“No.”
The anger in his voice caught Vlad off guard.
Not loud.
Not shouting.
The kind of anger that sat low and heavy.
The kind that meant Henry was genuinely pissed.
“You don’t get to say crap like that.”
Vlad looked away.
“Henry—”
“No.”
The word snapped through the room.
“No. Absolutely not.”
Vlad swallowed.
His stomach twisted.
“You don’t get to sit here and tell me everyone would be better off without you.”
“I didn’t—" Vlad protests
“Bullshit!”
Henry took a step forward. Gaze dark and full with anger.
“That’s exactly what you said!”
Vlad felt something sink in his chest.
The words had sounded different in his head.
Less awful.
Less real.
Now they just sounded pathetic. Useless.
Henry ran a hand through his hair in frustration.
“Do you seriously hear yourself?”
Vlad stared at the floor.
Maybe he did, Maybe that was the problem, Maybe he heard himself too much.
Every mistake.
Every failure.
Every person he’d disappointed.
Every person he’d lost.
Every night he couldn’t sleep because his own thoughts wouldn’t shut up.
“It isn’t that simple.”
“Yes, it is.”
“No, it isn’t.”
His voice came out weaker than he intended.
Henry laughed bitterly.
“No, actually, it is.”
Vlad’s jaw tightened.
“You don’t understand.”
“Then explain it to me.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
Because if he started talking, he wasn’t sure he’d stop. Because if Henry knew how bad it actually was, he’d leave.
Because nobody wanted to hear that their best friend spent half his life wondering if he’d ruined everyone else’s.
Vlad rubbed at his eyes.
Suddenly exhausted.
“I don’t know.”
Henry stared at him.
Then something in his expression shifted.
Not softer. No definitely not soft.
Worse.
Like he’d finally realized how serious Vlad was being.
“Vlad…”
Vlad hated that look.
That worried look. That look people got when they thought something was wrong with him.
“Don’t.” Vlad whispered.
“Don’t what?”
“Look at me like that.”
Henry blinked.
“Like what?”
“Like you feel sorry for me.”
Something flashed across Henry’s face.
Anger. Pure anger.
“I don’t feel sorry for you.”
Vlad looked up. Henry pointed at him.
“I’m mad at you.”
The words hit harder than they should have.
“What?”
“I’m mad at you.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re my best friend and you’re sitting here acting like your existence is some horrible thing everyone has to deal with.”
The room went silent. Vlad immediately looked away. His throat tightened.
Henry wasn’t done.
“You think so little of yourself that you’d rather blame yourself for everything than admit some things weren’t your fault.”
Vlad flinched.
The words landed like punches.
Because part of him knew Henry was right.
Another part hated hearing it.
“It was my fault.”
“No.”
“Henry—”
“No.”
His voice rose.
Finally.
Not yelling.
But close.
“You know what’s really messed up? Every good thing that happens, you act like you don’t deserve it. Every bad thing that happens, you immediately claim responsibility.”
Vlad’s breathing became uneven.
“Because maybe I do deserve it.”
The second the words left his mouth, Henry froze.
Completely froze.
The room felt colder.
Vlad immediately regretted saying it.
But it was too late.
Henry had heard.
“Excuse me?”
Vlad stared at the floor.
His chest hurt.
His head hurt.
Everything hurt.
“Nothing.”
“What the fuck did you just say?”
Vlad laughed quietly. But inside he was scared, surprised by his anger and by such harsh words. But his laugh..
The sound was empty.
“I said maybe I deserve it.”
Henry looked horrified.
Actually horrified.
“Fucking hell...”
Vlad squeezed his eyes shut.
Maybe Tomas had been right. Maybe everyone else had just been too nice to say it. Maybe there was something wrong with him.
Something broken. Something people tolerated because they cared.
Not because he deserved it.
“You don’t mean that.” Henry suddenly said.
“How would you know?”
“Because it’s stupid.”
Vlad laughed again.
This time it sounded almost painful.
“Great argument.”
“I’m serious.”
Henry stepped forward.
“You think Tomas gets to decide who you are?”
Vlad’s smile vanished instantly.
The name alone felt like a knife. Twisting painfully in his chest.
“Tomas looked at me and saw a weapon.”
His voice dropped.
“He wasn’t my father.”
The memories felt too close.
Too sharp.
“He didn’t want a son.”
Vlad swallowed hard.
“He wanted something useful.”
Something dangerous.
Something he could control.
The room went quiet.
Vlad could barely breathe.
His pulse hammered in his ears.
Sometimes it felt like Tomas had left years ago.
Sometimes it felt like he was still standing right behind him.
Waiting, Judging, Watching.
And the worst part?
Part of Vlad still believed him.
“Dude.”
Henry’s voice softened.
Vlad hated it.
“Don’t.”
“Vlad.”
“Don’t.”
His voice cracked.
Immediately he looked away.
Embarrassed.
Ashamed.
The silence stretched.
Then Henry sighed heavily.
“You know what I think?”
Vlad groaned. Cursing under his breath.
“Please don’t.”
“I’m serious.”
“That’s what worries me.”
For the first time all conversation, Henry didn’t smile.
“I think you’re scared.”
Vlad opened his mouth.
Then stopped.
Because Henry was right.
He was scared.
Not of monsters.
Not of vampires.
Not of dying.
The future.
Being alone.
People leaving.
Growing up.
Failing.
Losing everyone.
All of it sat inside his chest like a weight he couldn’t get rid of.
“You’ve spent so much time surviving,” Henry said quietly, “that you don’t know what to do now.”
Vlad stared at the floor.
His eyes burned.
Because somehow that hurt more than everything else. For years there had always been something chasing him.
Something to fight.
Something to fear.
Now there wasn’t.
And somehow that terrified him even more.
“What if I screw everything up?”
The question barely made it out.
Henry’s anger faded slightly.
Not gone.
Just quieter.
“Vlad..The fuck..”
“What if everyone leaves?”
Henry rolled his eyes immediately.
“Oh my God.”
Vlad frowned.
“What?”
“That’s what this is about?”
“No.”
“It absolutely is.”
Vlad crossed his arms.
“It isn’t.”
“You scared me, idiot.”
The words came out rougher than he intended. Vlad flinched immediately, his eyes dropping even lower.
“I’m sorry.”
Henry closed his eyes for a second.
“See? That’s exactly what I’m talking about.”
Vlad frowned.
“What?”
“You apologize for everything.”
“Because I keep screwing things up.”
“No.”
“Henry—”
“No.” There was anger in his voice again. Not at Vlad. At the way Vlad talked about himself. “Stop doing that.”
Vlad swallowed hard.
“Doing what?”
“Acting like everything is your fault.”
The words hung between them, but Vlad didn’t answer because he didn’t know how to explain it. How do you explain years of guilt? Years of loss? Years of wondering if maybe everyone would’ve been safer if they’d never met you?
“You don’t get it.”
Henry laughed bitterly.
“Then explain it to me.”
Vlad looked away, his throat tightening.
“If I start explaining it, I won’t stop.”
“Then don’t stop.”
The answer came immediately, without hesitation. Somehow that made everything worse.
Vlad’s chest tightened.
“Henry…”
“No.” Henry stepped closer. “No, because I’m tired of listening to you talk like you’re some kind of burden.”
Vlad looked down.
Maybe because part of him believed he was.
Henry saw it. The realization hit him instantly, and for a moment he looked angry. Then sad. Then angry again.
“God, Vlad.”
The words came out almost broken.
“Do you have any idea how messed up that is?”
Vlad laughed quietly.
There wasn’t any humor in it.
“Yeah.”
“No.” Henry shook his head. “No, I don’t think you do.”
Silence settled between them as Vlad stared at the floor, his eyes burning. Every part of him wanted to disappear. To end the conversation. To stop talking.
“You know what’s really pathetic?” Vlad asked quietly.
Henry immediately frowned.
“What?”
“I know it doesn’t make sense.”
His voice trembled.
“I know people care. I know Nelly cares.”
Another breath.
“I know Otis cares.”
His chest tightened.
“I know you care.”
Henry’s anger faded.
“What are you saying?”
Vlad laughed again, the sound cracking halfway through.
“I’m saying I know all that.” He looked away. “And I still can’t stop thinking maybe everyone’s lives would’ve been easier without me in them.”
The words hung in the air long after Vlad finished speaking.
Henry just stared at him.
For a moment, he looked like he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to yell or punch a wall.
Instead, he dragged both hands through his hair and turned away.
“God, Vlad.”
Vlad immediately regretted saying it.
Not because it wasn’t true.
Because of the look on Henry’s face.
The hurt.
The frustration.
The sadness.
It would’ve been easier if Henry had just gotten angry.
“Say something.”
Henry laughed once.
A short, humorless sound.
“What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know.”
“Neither do I.”
Silence settled between them.
Vlad stared at the floor.
His chest felt hollow now.
Like he’d finally said the thing he’d spent years trying not to think about and somehow everything felt worse.
“I know it’s messed up.”
“Yeah..”
Vlad winced.
Henry sighed.
“Yeah, it is.”
The honesty hurt more than Vlad expected.
“I told you.”
“But not for the reason you think.”
Vlad frowned.
Henry turned back toward him.
His eyes were tired.
“Do you know what it feels like hearing your best friend say something like that?”
Vlad immediately looked away.
“No.”
“Well, it sucks.”
The words came out sharper than intended.
Henry took a breath.
Then another.
Trying to calm himself down.
“Because I sit here listening to you talk about yourself like you’re some horrible thing everyone has to put up with, and all I can think is how wrong you are.”
Vlad swallowed hard.
Henry shook his head.
“No, seriously. Do you have any idea how many people would lose it if you disappeared?”
“Henry—”
“No.”
His voice cracked slightly.
“Stop.”
Vlad fell silent.
“You don’t get to decide how much you’re worth to other people.”
The room grew quiet.
Vlad’s eyes burned.
“You make it sound so easy.”
“I didn’t say it was easy.”
“Then why can’t I stop thinking like this?”
The question slipped out before he could stop it.
Henry’s expression immediately softened.
Vlad hated that.
Hated looking weak.
Hated sounding weak.
Most of all, he hated that he genuinely wanted an answer.
“I don’t know,” Henry admitted quietly.
“Then how am I supposed to?”
“You aren’t.”
Vlad blinked.
“What?”
“You aren’t supposed to figure everything out by yourself.”
The words hit harder than they should have.
Vlad laughed bitterly.
“Pretty sure that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.”
“Yeah, and look how that’s working out.”
A weak smile almost appeared before disappearing just as quickly.
Henry noticed.
Of course he did.
“There.”
“Oh my God.”
“I saw it.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“I absolutely did.”
For a second, neither of them spoke.
Then Henry’s expression became serious again.
“Vlad.”
The knot in Vlad’s stomach tightened.
“What?”
“You matter.”
Vlad immediately looked away.
“Don’t.”
“I’m serious.”
“Henry.”
“You matter.”
The words were simple.
Simple enough that they should’ve been easy to ignore.
Instead they felt impossible to hear.
Vlad squeezed his eyes shut.
His throat tightened painfully.
“I don’t know how to believe that.”
The confession was barely audible.
Henry’s face fell.
Not because he was disappointed.
Because he finally understood.
For years he’d thought Vlad was being stubborn.
Or dramatic.
Or just bad at accepting help.
But this wasn’t that.
Vlad genuinely didn’t know how.
Henry stepped closer.
Not enough to crowd him.
Just enough to be there.
“You don’t have to believe it right now.”
Vlad looked down.
“Then what?”
Henry shrugged.
“Then believe me.”
The room fell silent.
Vlad stared at the floor for several seconds.
At some point his vision had gone blurry.
He refused to think about why.
Henry didn’t say anything.
Didn’t push.
Didn’t joke.
Didn’t try to force him to feel better.
He just stayed.
And somehow that meant more than anything else.
For the first time in a long time, Vlad didn’t feel like he was carrying everything alone.
Henry was still standing there, still too close.
Vlad could feel it in a way that didn’t make sense. It wasn’t just sight or sound anymore—it was awareness. Like his mind kept checking where Henry was without asking permission. Every small movement, every breath, every shift in posture, Vlad noticed it.
And he hated that he noticed it so much.
“Yeah,” Vlad said quietly. “I’ll try.”
Henry nodded once like that should’ve ended it, but he didn’t move away. He just stayed there, watching him like he was waiting for something else to go wrong.
“You’re overthinking again,” Henry muttered.
“Yeah,” Vlad replied, forcing a small shrug. “Probably.”
“Not probably. Definitely.”
A weak breath of air left Vlad, almost a laugh but not quite. Henry tilted his head slightly, studying him.
“What?” Henry asked.
“Nothing.”
But it wasn’t nothing. It never was anymore.
Because Vlad couldn’t stop noticing things now. The way Henry’s voice changed when he wasn’t angry. The way his attention didn’t drift like everyone else’s did. The way he stayed focused on Vlad like Vlad was something worth focusing on.
That thought made something tighten in his chest.
He shouldn’t have liked it.
He did anyway.
Henry stepped closer again without realizing it. He always did that when Vlad went quiet, like distance itself was something he refused to allow between them.
“You’re doing it again,” Henry said.
“Doing what?”
“Leaving.”
“I’m not leaving.”
“You are,” Henry said immediately. “Just not physically.”
That should’ve annoyed Vlad.
Instead, it just made him feel exposed.
Because Henry was right.
Vlad swallowed and looked away. “I’m here.”
“No,” Henry said again, softer now, but more certain. “You’re not.”
Silence stretched.
And in that silence, Vlad became painfully aware of how close Henry was. Not touching. Not invading. Just there. Close enough that Vlad could feel warmth from him if he stopped pretending he didn’t notice.
It made his thoughts messy.
Too messy.
Henry sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Just stop shutting me out, alright?”
The words landed differently than they should have.
Don’t shut me out.
Like Henry was already inside something he didn’t realize he’d been let into.
Vlad’s fingers curled tighter into his sleeves.
“I’m not,” he said, but it came out weaker than intended.
Henry gave him a look that said he didn’t believe it, but didn’t push. Not yet.
Instead, he just stayed.
And that was the problem.
Because Vlad’s mind didn’t stop there anymore.
It started noticing everything.
The way Henry’s eyes kept flicking back to him even when he looked away. The way his voice softened when he said Vlad’s name. The way he didn’t treat him like something fragile or broken, just… like Vlad.
Like Vlad was still a person worth talking to.
Vlad’s chest tightened again.
Not the same kind of tightness as before.
Something else.
Something worse.
Something he couldn’t categorize properly, so his brain tried to shove it somewhere safer.
It didn’t work.
“Henry,” Vlad said suddenly, before he could stop himself.
“Yeah?” Henry answered immediately.
Vlad hesitated.
His throat felt dry. His thoughts felt too loud. Too fast.
Because there was something he kept almost saying lately. Something that kept forming and breaking apart before it could become words.
“Never mind,” he muttered quickly, looking down. “Forget it.”
Henry frowned. “No. What is it?”
Vlad shook his head again. “It’s nothing.”
But it wasn’t nothing.
It was everything.
Because for a split second, Vlad had thought about telling him.
Not the guilt.
Not the darkness.
Something else.
Something worse than either.
Something like: I don’t think I can tell when it’s just you being you or something more than that.
Something like: I don’t like it when you’re not around.
Something like: I notice when you are.
And that terrified him more than anything else tonight.
Henry leaned in slightly. “Vlad.”
His name again.
Simple.
Too familiar.
Vlad’s heart did something stupid in response.
He stepped back half a step without thinking.
Henry noticed immediately.
His expression shifted.
“…What?” Henry asked, quieter now.
Vlad shook his head fast. “Nothing. I’m just tired.”
That wasn’t a lie.
But it wasn’t the truth either.
Henry studied him for a long moment, then slowly nodded like he didn’t trust it but didn’t want to force it out of him.
“Okay,” he said finally. “But you’re acting weird.”
“Yeah,” Vlad said under his breath. “I know.”
Another pause.
Henry didn’t leave.
Of course he didn’t.
Instead, he just stayed where he was, like he always did, like it was the easiest thing in the world.
And Vlad stood there, realizing something he didn’t want to name:
It wasn’t just that Henry was important to him.
It was that Henry being there was starting to feel like something Vlad didn’t know how to live without.
“Sorry..I’m just being dramatic.” He let out a little laugh, it seemed real enough.
Henry smiled at that, at least he brought a smile on Vlad. he looked at the clock, eyes widening at the time.
“Shit, it’s already midnight? I gotta go Vlad.” As he was walking out of Vlad’s room he paused and said. Worried. “I’m here if you want to talk, you know that right?”
Vlad simply nodded. But he knew he wouldn’t, besides he didn’t tell him about his arms and what was under the bed. Vlad sighed as he heard Henry leave. Maybe another day, he’ll tell Henry. everything.