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Eren really liked oral sex. Jean had noticed it after the first few times their arguments had taken a more heated turn, and Eren went down on him like he was trying to devour him whole. It wasn't like Jean was complaining - after all, Eren was good with his mouth, and even though they weren't on the best terms with one another, the sex was a good way to relieve the pent-up frustration, anger and loss that came with being a part of the scouting legion.
(Sometimes, though, when Eren was deep-throating him, his nose buried in Jean's pubic hair as Jean arched up into that sweet mouth, he couldn't help the tiny, terrifying thought that, if he wanted to, Eren could swallow him whole.)
It wasn't often that the two of them met up for reasons other than sex. Eren, after all, was usually being closely watched by Levi's squad, and the other members of the Legion weren't allowed to meet with them other than at meals, or when Eren and Jean managed to sneak away for an hour or two after training at the end of the day. That was fine, though; it wasn't like they met to talk or particularly enjoyed one another's company. Right after they were done, Eren would get up and gather his clothes, while Jean was still wiping his own spent semen off of his stomach, and leave without a word.
That was why, when Eren lingered for a few minutes one night, sitting on the edge of the bed with an unreadable look on his face, Jean couldn't help the worrying feeling in the pit of his stomach that something was wrong.
"We're going to be doing some tests tomorrow," Eren said, and Jean was silent as he waited for him to continue. "To see how well I can control myself when I'm a titan."
(That horrible feeling in the back of his mind was back - the one that said that Eren wasn't all that different from the monsters that they fought every day - that Eren could pick him up in one hand and tear him limb from limb, devour him, and Jean would be helpless to stop him)
Jean swallowed, feeling a small lump in his throat, but before Eren could look at him he snorted and pushed him by the small of his back.
"What does that have to do with me?" He asked, and Eren froze, just for a few seconds, before letting out a forced chuckle.
"Nothing. Sorry, I'll leave."
And then he was gone, and Jean was left with his face buried in his hands, breathing deep to try and convince him that it really did have nothing to do with him.
***
Jean had no interest in Eren's titan abilities. He was just... Checking. He'd finished up his duties early, lingering just outside the section of the grounds roped off for the test. After all, if Eren went berserk, there was a chance that Levi's squad could lose him, that he would need to be put down. Jean would jump at that chance.
That was what he told himself, over and over again, while that little voice in the back of his head reminded him that he was a terrible liar.
He was lingering by the side-lines, unnoticed by the special squad, who were all focused on Eren. Eren, who was biting his hand, but still unable to transform. Eren, who was almost shaking as Hanji assured him that it was ok, that they wouldn't do anything to hurt him unless they absolutely had to, that he'd done this before, right? After a few minutes she changed her tune, saying that maybe they should try again another day. Eren looked up in resignation, his eyes glancing to the side and locking with Jean's, even though they were so far away that there was no way that he could see him looking.
There was a sound like thunder, followed by shouting, and before Jean knew what was happening, large, impossibly gentle hands were wrapped around his body, picking him up almost reverently. He could hear the special squad yelling threats, saw them preparing to attack, to cut out the back of Eren's neck if he moved even one finger.
Jean could feel an impossible heat burning in his face as he called out to them, voice hoarse.
"Stop! I mean, it's..." He couldn't finish his sentence, not when he felt that massive tongue slide across his front, massive fingers pulling his jacket off with surprising ease and dexterity. He looked to the side, saw Hanji bringing the others to a stop and watching with an intense interest. He felt his face burn hotter and he couldn't help but look away.
His shirt was pulled off, but Eren's fingers were too large to unbutton his pants. The last thing that Jean wanted to do was get completely naked with everybody watching him, /studying/ him, but he was acutely aware that refusing Eren in this state would be a bad idea. He didn't want to die just yet.
(But he wouldn't mind if he was eaten, just a little bit. He would enjoy it, feeling that tongue all over his body, give himself up to this monster that always held him with such gentle hands)
Once Jean undid his fly, his pants and then his underwear were tossed aside, soaked through with saliva and probably ruined. Jean didn't get a chance to think about that, not when Eren re-positioned him, spreading his legs with a great deal of care before licking him.
He could feel that massive tongue on his body, on his dick and his ass and everywhere was wet and hot. He could feel Eren's breath on his flushed skin, could feel how achingly hard he was as Eren shifted him around, softly stroking his skin with feather-light touches, as though he were afraid he'd break if he touched too hard.
It was something Eren had always done during sex, no matter the form, and Jean now understood why. Eren could easily snap him in half with a twitch of his fingers, could break him and mutilate him as easily as crumpling up a piece of paper.
He feels sickened with himself that the thought just makes him harder, that the feeling of Eren's tongue on his ass and his finger brushing both nipples at once makes him arch his head back and shout out his release.
There's a pause, but then that tongue disappears, and Jean is placed back on the ground, shaking and flushed all over as the titan in front of him slowly begins to dissipate.
Hanji runs forward, her eyes alight with joy and curiosity as she starts nattering at him ('How did it feel?''Are you two in a romantic relationship? Is that why this happened?''I wonder if this means titans do have the drive to mate!') and he covers his face as he tries to drown her out. There are tears gathering in his eyes as Petra, thankfully, steers Hanji away, but not before handing him her cloak, suggesting with pink cheeks that he cover himself.
He does, just in time to see Eren, swaying on his feet and biting his lip, his fists clenched. He opens his mouth, but Jean cuts him off, holding up one hand as he pulls Petra's cloak closer around him.
"Don't," he says, and Eren's mouth snaps shut. "Don't apologize." His voice cracks and he hates himself for it, hates himself for how absolutely guilty Eren looks as he turns away, quickly getting intercepted by Hanji while somebody else goes to fetch Jean some clean clothes.
Most of all, as he lays mostly naked on the ground, still shaking and staring up at the sky, he hates himself for how he knows that maybe this is what he's wanted all along.