Archive of Our Own

Why am I so nervous? It's just Kin-chan. Atsushi stared at the door to the apartment with his hand frozen in mid air. But he's not expecting me. What if I'm a bother? What was I thinking?

Atsushi's friends really had their hearts in the right place, but he shouldn't have taken their advice. It was his own fault, really, for mentioning to them how much he missed Kinshiro these past five months since he'd gone to university overseas. Atsushi was glad that since he'd decided to go to Binan University, he could still see his other friends at Binan High, but that didn't mean it couldn't lead to bad decisions.

Go surprise him! Ryuu had said, it's still summer vacation!

I'm sure he's missing you too, Atsushi-senpai! Yumoto couldn't help but interject.

Don't be a chicken, was En's only input.

So here Atsushi was on this mid-September afternoon, after having impulsively gotten on a plane to see Kinshiro. He was glad he'd known his address after having sent him an early birthday card earlier in the month.

But now that he was standing here his heart was pounding in his chest. This was a bad idea. This wasn't the kind of thing Atsushi did. He was more level headed, he was the type to hold back to not cause conflict or inconvenience others. He wasn't someone who acted impulsively based on emotions. But somehow, that's what he'd ended up doing.

It wasn't too late to back out, though. He could turn around, get the next flight back to Japan, and pretend this never happened even if his friends teased and scolded him relentlessly for it. Who was he to impose on his childhood friend like this? Atsushi lowered his hand back to his side and took in a deep breath.

And then the door opened.

Atsushi's heart leapt up into his throat as Kinshiro stood there blinking at him. Atsushi's eyes took in Kinshiro and the way his hair fell into his face. He was wearing something more casual, a light purple long sleeved shirt and beige coloured linen pants, which suited him and made Atsushi hold his breath. They stood there, staring at each other, Kinshiro's eyes widening more with each passing millisecond.

"At-chan? Is that really you?"

His fingers tightened over the straps of his bag, anxiety spiking in his veins, rushing through his whole body. "Yes? Who else would I be?" he attempted to joke.

Splotches of pink coloured Kinshiro's cheeks. "No, it's just…" he paused for a second to take a shaky breath, "that for a moment I thought I was hallucinating."

"Hallucinating?"

Kinshiro shook his head, the blush on his face spreading. He reached a hand up to his mouth to clear his throat. And then he smiled. A large, wonderful smile that caused his eyes to sparkle. The whole visage of him made Atsushi's stomach flutter. "I didn't expect to see you." Kinshiro's voice was almost breathless.

"I know, I know. I'm so sorry. This is kind of sudden, right? I mean, I hadn't even messaged you first. You must be really busy. I didn't mean to impose, but I thought-"

He was interrupted by Kinshiro reaching over and grabbing Atsushi's wrist. "It's not an imposition!"

The firmness and volume in Kinshiro's words startled Atsushi so much he widened his eyes.

Kinshiro inhaled sharply and dropped his hand. "I mean, I'm glad to see you. It's… it's a wonderful surprise." Was Atsushi imagining the emotion in Kinshiro's voice?

Relief was smothering the nerves within him and he let out a shaky breath. "Really? I hope it's okay that I came to visit. It's been months since we've seen each other and I…"

Kinshiro nodded quickly like he was a bobble-head and he wiped at his eye. "I… I agree. Phone calls are fine, but I missed seeing you, At-chan."

Hearing the words first made it easier for Atsushi to say. "I missed you too."

They stared at each other again and now for some reason Atsushi was feeling his own face start to flush. Kinshiro was no different, turning pink again too. For some reason this situation was so embarrassing and it sent his heart into some kind of somersault. They both averted their gaze at the same time. The awkward atmosphere prickled at Atsushi's skin. Even though they'd rebuilt their friendship after their years apart and after what happened last year, there were still moments like this. But was it actual awkwardness or was it just Atsushi being flustered and self conscious?

"Um." Kinshiro cleared his throat again. "Sorry, I'm being a terrible host. Please come in."

Atsushi met Kinshiro's eyes again. "No, don't say that, I dropped on you without warning. I'm the one who should apologize."

"No, it's alright!" Kinshiro stepped aside, practically glowing with joy, which calmed any remaining reservations in Atsushi. "I'm happy you're here. Truly, I can't believe my luck that I get to see you."

"Oh. Alright. I… I'm really glad I came too." A new wash of heat spread across Atsushi's face as Kinshiro seemed to process his own words and blushed again. Atsushi with his chaotic heartbeats stepped into Kinshiro's apartment and slid off his shoes.

"Wow," Atsushi said, looking around. There was a living area, a small kitchen, and a hall leading to what Atsushi assumed was a bathroom and bedroom. "It's smaller than I expected."

Kinshiro crossed his arms. "Hmph, do you really think I need something luxurious? I have all I need here."

"No no, that's not-" Atsushi waved his arms. Kinshiro's lips twitched and Atsushi gaped. "Are you teasing me?"

Kinshiro chuckled. "I apologize. It was too easy."

Atsushi groaned. When did Kinshiro get this playful side to him? "Anyway, I'll say one more time that I'm sorry to impose. If you're busy, it's fine…"

"Not at all," Kinshiro said. "I do have some summer assignments to do, but I'm ahead on them."

"Oh, that's good," Atsushi replied. "And also not surprising with how diligent you are."

"I'm glad that you think so." Kinshiro nodded with a smile and then held his hand out. Atsushi stared at it. Without thinking, he put his hand in Kinshiro's. Kinshiro let out a squeaky noise as his ears turned red, looking down at their hands. "You… your… bag."

"Oh!" Atsushi flung his hand away and awkwardly slid his bag, full of a few of his important items and a couple of changes of clothes, and handed it to Kinshiro. "Thank you."

As Kinshiro went to set Atsushi's bag in a spot in the living room Atsushi covered his flaming hot face with his hands. Why couldn't the ground just swallow him whole? This was not how he wanted this visit to go! Hopefully he didn't keep embarrassing himself like this.

"Would you like tea? Or something to eat?" Kinshiro's voice broke Atsushi out of his spiral of embarrassment. He lowered his hands. Kinshiro looked normal. Okay, they were sliding past that, pretending it didn't happen. Atsushi was grateful.

"Sure. Some tea would be nice," he agreed.

"Wonderful!" Kinshiro replied. He pulled out a chair at his kitchen table, and headed to the kettle on his small stove. "Do you have a preference?"

"No, anything is fine," Atsushi replied, going to sit down in the chair. "Thank you."

Kinshiro nodded. "It's just what is expected of a host. And… a friend."

"Mm," was all Atsushi could reply. He stared at Kinshiro, watching him heat the water and start to prepare the tea.

His insides warmed. Friend.

There was a time in which Atsushi thought Kinshiro would never consider him a friend again, even though Atsushi would forever consider him one. When Kinshiro had been angry and betrayed by him, those years apart were the most painful of Atsushi's life. And while they'd both made mistakes, and both had communication issues which led to the rift, Atsushi still hated how much of a coward he'd been, and how things could have been repaired much earlier if he hadn't been.

But here they were, friends again. It wasn't quite the same since they were older, a year from being official adults. So of course their relationship felt a bit different, and they've both changed in some ways, though it was easy to slide back into it. Walking home together. Stargazing. Talking like they used to. Although there had been growing pains, of course. They still walked on eggshells around each other at times. There were awkward silences at times. They both overthought certain things when it came to the other, scared to upset the balance of their reunion.

Which is why Atsushi had tried to pretend that everything he felt towards Kinshiro was purely friendship. He tried to push back the yearning for more, tried to push down the intensity of his feelings of which truly was his first love. He tried not to stare at Kinshiro's hands, imagining twining their fingers together. He tried not to imagine what Kinshiro's lips might taste like if he were to kiss him. He tried not to imagine a future in which they were not only friends, but together in every sense of the word. He couldn't be greedy, after all.

Kinshiro set two sets of tea down on the table.

"Thank you." Atsushi smiled. "It smells lovely." Some kind of floral herbal aroma?

"Of course." Kinshiro sat down beside him at the table.

It was the two of them. In Kinshiro's apartment. This was also new. It wasn't like they were never alone together before graduation, of course they were, they'd stargazed together, walked home together, and their friends had given them plenty of time alone too, but this… this felt different. It made Atsushi's heart race. For some reason he was having a hard time meeting Kinshiro's eyes. But the times he looked up to meet Kinshiro's eyes, Kinshiro flushed and looked away, too.

At least it wasn't only him feeling slightly awkward and flustered by this situation. But it was alright. They were both a little passive and awkward in ways when it came to each other and they both knew that. Despite that, everything was fine, and he and Kinshiro's friendship would get stronger again despite the long distance. Atsushi wanted that more than anything.

"So how is everything back in Binan?" Kinshiro asked.

Atsushi smiled as they fell into an easy conversation, catching up on things they did and did not already mention on weekly phone calls. Kinshiro didn't understand why En decided not to go to university, Kinshiro talked about how he was glad he was keeping in touch with Arima and Akoya, Atsushi the same with his friends, and then Kinshiro and Atsushi talked about their individual experiences with university and their classes so far.

"It was actually Ryuu and En-chan's idea I come surprise you," Atsushi ended up admitting. He wasn't going to admit it was because he kept talking about Kinshiro so much though.

"Oh." Kinshiro's face scrunched up. "I… I suppose I should owe them gratitude, then."

They locked eyes and after a beat, Kinshiro smiled and then they were laughing together.

Despite his initial anxiety, yes, Atsushi was really, really glad he came.

At-chan is here. At-chan is here. Kinshiro still could not believe it. Having Atsushi beside him was like a dream come true. He was already dreading the moment Atsushi left to go back to Japan. He'd missed Atsushi terribly when he had been gone abroad during high school, and of course now since his study abroad was more long term. Phone calls were nice. Video calls were nice. But seeing Atsushi up close, close enough to touch was something he wasn't going to take for granted.

And the fact that Atsushi had come all the way here, gotten on an airplane to see him? His happiness was indescribable. He was floaty inside. His feelings, his love, for his childhood friend was going to burst out of his chest. It was almost enough to make Kinshiro hope that Atsushi felt as strongly about Kinshiro as Kinshiro did about him.

"I'm sorry," Kinshiro said quietly. "I'm more of an indoor person and I focus on my studies so I don't really know what kind of places to show you. I'm a terrible host."

They were walking outside after having left one of Kinshiro's usual cafes that he went to for a change of scenery or to study. He'd showed Atsushi around the neighbourhood and close shops. He wanted to be a good tour guide, so he'd attempted to look up popular locations on his cell phone too, but it hadn't been very successful. They were able to eat dinner at least, Kinshiro with a seafood dish, and Atsushi found a curry dish he enjoyed. They'd argued about payment, but in the end, Atsushi acquiesced to Kinshiro after much insistence.

"No no, that's okay, you're not," Atsushi said. "I know you're not generally an active person. I'm not either. Show me a library and I'll be happy."

Kinshiro chuckled. "Shall I find a close one for us to visit next?"

"No need," Atsushi said with a smile. "We don't need to see anything special. I came to see you, after all. Not anything else."

"Oh." A flush travelled from Kinshiro's cheeks to his neck and down his back as his heart practically trembled. Atsushi really was going to be his certain doom. "I… I see."

He peeked over at Atsushi to see that Atsushi was turned away, his own ears red. At-chan is so cute. At least Kinshiro wasn't the only one flustered.

Kinshiro cleared his throat. "You're right. You're definitely right, At-chan. As long as we're together, it doesn't matter."

Atsushi met his eyes again, and both of them blushed, although this time Kinshiro didn't look away.

"Yes," Atsushi said. "Exactly."

Suddenly Kinshiro flashed back to earlier when Atsushi held his hand. It had been a misunderstanding, but he hadn't been able to stop thinking about it. Even now, he was tempted to reach over and grab Atsushi's hand. What would Atsushi do? How would he react? Would he be repulsed? Would it reveal too much of Kinshiro's feelings? Would it ruin everything? His racing thoughts and feelings overwhelmed him to the point he tripped over an uneven spot on the sidewalk.

Atsushi gasped and reached over to grab Kinshiro by the waist to steady him. "Are you okay?"

The warmth of Atsushi's hands spread through his whole body and he found it hard to breathe, let alone answer. "Yes… yes. Thank you." They stood like that for a moment, staring at each other, an extended moment of eye contact that was an intimacy that shook Kinshiro to his core.

Atsushi smiled. He removed his hands and Kinshiro already missed the contact. "I didn't take you for the clumsy type, Kin-chan."

The teasing lilt in his voice made Kinshiro flush again. Only when it comes to you. "I'm generally not." He crossed his arms and let out an exaggerated huff of discontent, which made Atsushi laugh.

They made it back to Kinshiro's apartment in one piece. When they entered and closed the door behind him, Kinshiro's thoughts once again went into overdrive. How could he entertain his special guest now? He knew Atsushi liked books and puzzles. He had no puzzles. His book collection was mainly textbooks or other educational tomes. He didn't even have a television. He knew Atsushi said he came to see Kinshiro and that's it, but Kinshiro still didn't want to risk Atsushi thinking he was a boring host. What should he do?

"Your apartment really is cozy," Atsushi said, looking around again. "So much different from the houses we both grew up in. Well, I still live at home because it's simpler and I don't want my parents and sister to get lonely."

Kinshiro nodded with a small smile. "Are you sure you wouldn't get lonely too, At-chan?"

Atsushi chuckled. "Maybe that's true."

The both of them wandered over to sit side by side on the sofa in the small living room.

"What about you?" Atsushi added. "You're not lonely here? Before when you went abroad, Gero-kun and Arima-kun were with you. But this time you're…"

Kinshiro paused to consider the question seriously. "I suppose it can get lonely. I do miss Arima and Akoya, too. And of course you, At-chan. But I try to focus on my studies so I try not to linger on the feeling for too long."

Atsushi nodded. "Well, as much as it's hard being away from each other again, it's temporary."

"Right," Kinshiro agreed. "And it's still not as hard as being apart for years while in the same school."

After those words left his lips, Kinshiro felt the blood drain from his face. Atsushi's eyes went wide.

"I didn't mean-"

"No," Atsushi said. He took off his glasses, wiped them on his shirt, and put them back on. "You're right."

"No, I didn't mean to bring that up now."

"It's alright. It's important to remember that, so we don't make the same mistakes, right?"

Kinshiro exhaled. "Yes. You're so wise, At-chan."

"No no no, I don't think so!" Atsushi waved his arms. "In fact, I'm probably still as much as a coward as I was a year ago. It was because of that we lost so much time together."

"No, it's because I was petty and held a grudge for no reason without talking to you! I will never be able to repent for the way I treated you back then!"

"No, it's-"

"It's-"

They stopped talking and stared at each other. Atsushi chuckled first, and Kinshiro right after.

"We already said how we both were at fault," Atsushi said. "And it won't happen again, right?"

"Right." Kinshiro opened and closed his fists. So therefore, he mustn't let his other feelings get in the way. Despite how much he wanted to slide closer to Atsushi on the sofa and wrap his arm around him, bring him close, and kiss—their friendship was too precious to be risked.

"Let's talk about something fun instead," Atsushi said with a glint in his eyes. "Like how mischievous you used to be."

Kinshiro's cheeks heated up. "What are you talking about, At-chan?"

"When we were children, you had a few streaks of mischief."

"That was because of your influence!"

"Really?" Atsushi was teasing.

"Yes! A lot of the things we got up to was your idea, and I wish to state on the record that a lot of it was cajoled."

"Not all of it." Atsushi's voice lilted playfully. "You'd come up with some, too. Like the time you put a frog in a classmate's bag."

"That's because he said something rude to you!"

"I don't even remember what it was, now."

"You don't need to remember." Kinshiro huffed.

Atsushi shrugged. "There was also hide and seek. You were so good at hiding I could never find you."

Kinshiro laughed. "I was sitting there for two hours."

"And of course, stargazing."

"Of course." The wonderful memories blanketed him with warmth. It was a feeling that was unmatched by anything else.

"You were always so fun to be with, Kin-chan." Atsushi's voice was soft.

"Really? A whole lot of that time I was worried about being too boring for you," he admitted.

"Never!" Atsushi insisted. "Then or now," he added, as if he had known the confirmation was something Kinshiro sought.

They stared at each other, smiling. Kinshiro's heart swooped. Atsushi was so cute. And when smiling, he looked absolutely dazzling. He would do anything to make sure that Atsushi kept smiling from then on. It was a promise. An oath to himself. Forever.

"So…" Kinshiro trailed off awkwardly. "How long is your visit for?"

Atsushi blinked. He shrugged sheepishly. "I hadn't thought that far ahead. Not too long since classes start next week."

"But you will at least stay another day or two?" Kinshiro asked hopefully.

"If you'll have me…"

"Of course," Kinshiro rushed to say. He smiled. "Then give me a bit of time tomorrow to find somewhere we can stargaze. There are way more city lights here, but I'm sure there is somewhere nearby where we can see the sky if it's clear."

"That sounds lovely." Atsushi's smile was so contagious that Kinshiro found himself smiling again, too. He hadn't even dreamed that Atsushi would come visit him like this. How lucky was Kinshiro? He would do everything in his power to deserve Atsushi and his friendship.

Atsushi turned his head to the side to yawn. It was then when Kinshiro noticed the time. "Oh, are you tired? It has gotten late somehow with all of our chatting."

"Just a bit. I'm okay, though."

"No, if you're tired you should sleep. I'll…" Ah. That's right. If Atsushi was sleeping here, then… "I'll show you to my room."

"Your room?" Atsushi questioned.

Kinshiro's face flushed. "That's right. I only have one bed, after all. So-"

Atsushi jumped up from the sofa. His eyes were wide and his cheeks went red. "No no, in that case I'll just go find a hotel room for the night!"

"Don't be ridiculous," Kinshiro said. "I won't let my guest do that! I will sleep on the sofa."

"No, you can't do that, Kin-chan! This sofa isn't very big and it won't be comfortable for you!"

"It's perfectly comfortable. I have fallen asleep at my desk before, and compared to that the sofa is fine."

"No, I can't let you do that. I have plenty of currency for a hotel-"

"No! At-chan, you will stay-"

"I'm the one who imposed on you suddenly, who am I to take your bed-"

"You're my guest and very important friend, of course I want you to be comfortable-"

"I can take the couch, don't put yourself out-"

"It's not a put out-"

"Let me take the couch, Kin-chan-"

Kinshiro cut in loudly, "then how about we share the bed?"

Atsushi's mouth snapped closed and he stared at Kinshiro like he'd suggested they both go sleep on the streets instead.

And heavens, he might as well have. What on earth had just come out of his mouth? Share the bed? Him and Atsushi?

"What?" Atsushi questioned, his voice going high pitch.

Kinshiro was sure his face must be bright red. He could feel it. How could he say something so embarrassing? The thought of sharing a bed with Atsushi was making his heart leap up his throat. Would he be able to handle it? But it would be stranger to suddenly rescind his words now, wouldn't it?

"My bed is a queen," Kinshiro said, trying to keep his voice level. "We could easily both sleep there."

Atsushi stared. He swallowed loudly. "Would that really work?"

"I don't see why not." Kinshiro said. "It's practical. Besides, we've shared a futon before."

"When we were small children," Atsushi argued. "But this…"

"This?" A different feeling of hurt swirled in Kinshiro's stomach. Did Atsushi not want to share it for some reason? Was it… because he was repulsed by the idea? Did he have an inkling about Kinshiro's feelings and was worried about it? No… no that couldn't be true. "At-chan, if you really don't want to…"

"No no, it's fine," Atsushi turned away. "It's just… a little embarrassing doing so now that we're older. That's all."

"Right. I can't disagree with that."

Both of their eyes were still averted, and Kinshiro was having a hard time calming his heartbeat. It was clear Atsushi was uneasy about this. But it's not like Kinshiro wasn't too. He clenched and unclenched his hands, hoping to do away with his nervous energy.

"At-chan, you can have the first bath if you'd like. The towels are in the cupboard and the laundry basket is to the left of the bath."

Atsushi nodded his head, not arguing. He went towards his bag and picked it up, bringing it with him down the hall quickly. As if he were fleeing.

Kinshiro's stomach flopped around. Had he made things too awkward with his impulsive suggestion? He truly, truly hoped not.

The hot bath was not relaxing at all. Atsushi was so out of sorts that he washed himself absentmindedly. He was going to share Kinshiro's bed? Him and Kinshiro? Thoughts spun around in his head of Kinshiro's warm body inches from his own.

It was true that they'd shared a bed as kids. It should be normal. But now… now it was just different.

After Atsushi dried himself off and got dressed in his cotton pajamas, he put his hands to his cheeks. Get a hold of yourself, he scolded. This will be fine. There's no reason to get so flustered.

But when he left the bathroom with his bag and met Kinshiro's eyes, his face erupted into flames all over again. "Your turn," he said, his voice awfully strangled.

Kinshiro nodded, getting off the sofa. His face was also red and he didn't meet Atsushi's eyes. "The bedroom is just on the other end of the hall. You can make yourself comfortable."

"Alright."

As Kinshiro headed into the bathroom and closed the door, Atsushi headed to the bedroom. It was minimalist, but nice. There was a bed, a bookshelf, and a desk with notebooks and textbooks and a laptop resting on top of it neatly. He hoped Kinshiro gave himself ample time to relax and he wasn't just working or studying all his free time.

Atsushi wandered over to the bookshelf next. It was mostly filled with educational texts. Business, culture, science, english, writing. It made Atsushi smile. Kinshiro was Kinshiro. Diligent. Studious. Smart. Atsushi reached into his bag and pulled out the novel he was reading, a supernatural mystery. He pulled back the blankets and got on the right side of the bed.

Maybe this wasn't as bad as Atsushi initially feared. The bed had plenty of space. And being this close to Kinshiro might be nice. He just couldn't let himself get carried away in terms of his multitudes of yearning.

When Kinshiro entered the room in his green silk nightgown, he almost dropped his book. He knew that Kinshiro liked this type of pajama, but seeing him in it made his breath catch in his throat. Kinshiro just looked… so lovely. And this, wearing pajamas, sharing a bed… it was such a huge step in closeness that the realization almost drowned him. Before graduation, they had gotten their friendship back, a little at a time, with still awkward moments here and there. And now, this… it was an intimacy that felt so huge. They weren't children anymore, after all.

Atsushi put his book down on the bedside table.

"You don't need to stop reading," Kinshiro said, his face still red, too.

"No, no, no, I'm…" Atsushi rubbed his nose, "too tired to concentrate anyway." Too distracted. Too flustered. Too… everything. Would he even be able to sleep?

"Oh, then we should turn off the lights and sleep," Kinshiro said.

"But if you're not tired, then-"

"No, it's fine."

"Let me know if you want me to move," Atsushi continued to babble, "I didn't know if you had a preference in sides of the bed…"

"I don't have a preference," Kinshiro said stiffly. He turned off the main lights and then walked over to the other side of the bed and turned off the lamp as well. He got into bed at the other side, lying down.

Atsushi could do nothing else but take off his glasses, set them on the table, and also lie down. "Good night," he murmured.

"Good night," Kinshiro replied.

"And… Kin-chan?" Atsushi's voice cracked.

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything? Being such a good host, even though you weren't expecting me… your kindness. All of it."

"Of course," Kinshiro said quietly, shifting in bed. "For you, At-chan, I…"

Even though he trailed off, Atsushi's heart started racing again. How had he been going to finish that sentence?

After a minute or two of quiet, Atsushi closed his eyes. Though he wasn't tired in the slightest. There were inches between them, but he could still feel Kinshiro's warmth beside him. It was strange, how it was relaxing and unnerving at the same time.

It was nice. It was calming. It flustered him. He was hyper aware of everything. The blankets, the darkness, his heartbeat, his stuttered breaths. He wasn't sure how much time had gone by, but he still wasn't falling asleep.

Atsushi opened his eyes and turned his head towards Kinshiro. It was like lightning struck him when he met Kinshiro's eyes in the dark. His vision had already adjusted enough to the dark room that he could see as Kinshiro's eyes went wide. Kinshiro was on his side, facing Atsushi. Somehow, this made electricity spark everywhere in Atsushi's veins.

"Can't sleep?" Atsushi asked. He turned so he was on his side too, facing Kinshiro. As much as this moment was spinning him off kilter, it was easier than he thought. Sure, his heart was in his throat, but being this close to Kinshiro was so nice it overpowered any awkwardness or embarrassment.

"Not in particular," Kinshiro murmured.

"Me neither."

"Should I go to the sofa, after all?"

"No no, don't," Atsushi said hurriedly. And then he chuckled to himself. He'd been so nervous about sharing a bed, but now he didn't want Kinshiro to leave. This closeness… he'd craved it. And if it helped them be more comfortable with each other, wasn't that a good thing?

"Hmm."

Kinshiro stared at Atsushi. Atsushi stared at Kinshiro. The eye contact was making Atsushi's stomach flutter. Facing each other in bed like this, Atsushi's heart ached. It almost felt like they were a couple, and going to bed together like this was the most natural thing in the world. It sparked a deeper yearning in Atsushi. Because even if they were a couple, they would still be long distance during university, and this wouldn't be their usual routine. But… but… but. Would it be so bad to pretend? Just in his heart?

The way Kinshiro was looking at him, so intently, Atsushi's eyes burned. Was it typical for someone to look at their platonic childhood friend in that way? Memories flashed through Atsushi's eyes like a rewinding film. Kinshiro's frequent blushing. Their closeness. The way he'd get jealous over Atsushi and En. The way he'd say things that sounded romantic to anyone else, the way he'd light up in a particular way just for Atsushi, that he hadn't let himself read into.

Would it be so wrong… for Atsushi to test this, just a little? Put out a subtle overture just to see what would happen?

The thought was terrifying. There was so much at stake. Their friendship. Everything. And after all, Atsushi was still a coward.

But what if… what if?

Atsushi's heart pounded in his ears. He reached his hand out towards Kinshiro so it was resting in between them.

A sharp inhale came from Kinshiro.

Time stood still as Atsushi's heart thrashed inside of him.

But then Kinshiro shifted, his hand joining Atsushi's, threading their fingers together.

Oh.

Kinshiro's hand was so warm. This meant something, right? It wasn't delusional for Atsushi to think so? To hope so?

It was hard to tell in the dark for sure, but somehow Atsushi could tell they were both blushing. But this, this felt right.

As right as it felt as children to hold hands under the stars as they made promises and wishes to each other. Promises that Atsushi intended on keeping.

And just like that, with their hands clasped between them, Atsushi was able to fall asleep.

When Kinshiro woke, he was blanketed in warmth. Throughout Kinshiro's whole life, he'd never slept as well. He'd never woken up feeling so warm, so safe, so peaceful, comfortable. What a lovely dream he was in. He and Atsushi were in each other's arms. Atsushi had greeted him with a kiss, and they went off to spend the day together. They had their whole lives to spend together. It was so real.

"At-chan…" Kinshiro murmured as he held him tighter.

"Kin-chan!" Atsushi squeaked. Atsushi's arms were around Kin-chan too, safely secure. Kinshiro nuzzled into the embrace and felt himself smile. Atsushi was too cute. He couldn't believe Atsushi was his. When Kinshiro opened his eyes, Atsushi was truly in his arms, his beautiful brown eyes blinking at him. This is how it should be… if only real life could be like this dream. He would enjoy it while it lasted.

"Good morning, At-chan," Kinshiro said softly. He leaned forward, which was only about three centimeters, and pressed his lips against Atsushi's. Atsushi was warm. So nice… it was perfect. Atsushi kissed back for a moment before his body stiffened.

"Kin-chan…" Atsushi pulled back. His face was red, flustered, as he gaped at Kinshiro.

"Hm?"

Wait, why did dream Atsushi look so surprised? Why did…

Kinshiro froze. His mind came back to him as suddenly and powerfully as a thunderclap.

What. What? This wasn't… this was no longer his dream. He was awake!

What had he done?

Kinshiro let out a wail as he untangled his arms from Atsushi's, threw himself back so hard, so suddenly, that he took a tumble off the bed, landing on his rear end on the floor.

"Kin-chan!"

No! No! No, no, no, no, no, no! This couldn't be happening! If he were the cursing type, his mind would be full of them.

This was absolutely outrageous. He had ruined everything. Everything.

Kinshiro put his head in his hands and held back another wail. Panic climbed into his heart and took off, spreading ice through his veins.

"Kin-chan…"

Atsushi's voice sounded closer. That was the last thing Kinshiro needed now. Atsushi peering over at him and seeing how pathetic he looked. But Kinshiro, despite how panicked he was, knew that he owed Atsushi an apology and explanation. He just… needed to hide for a moment to get his wits together. This might be the last time Atsushi would want to see him. Of course he'd want to delay it for a moment longer.

"Are you okay?" Atsushi asked.

"I…" Kinshiro looked up into Atsushi's eyes. "Yes."

Atsushi was crouched in front of him on the floor. He held out his hand. Kinshiro, trying not to hyperventilate, took Atsushi's hand and let him pull him up. He couldn't decide whether he wanted to avoid Atsushi's gaze, scared of what he'd find there, or analyze it to determine how bad this was.

"I…" Kinshiro raised his voice, trying to reign in his ongoing panic. He ended up meeting Atsushi's eyes. Atsushi's face was red. He looked stunned, but not angry, at least. "I'm so sorry, At-chan! I don't know why… no, that's a lie. I do know why. I thought I was in a dream. I didn't realize this was real."

Atsushi's eyes widened. "A dream?"

"But that's no excuse! I… I did that against your consent, I…" Kinshiro's voice cracked. "I violated our friendship. I recognize there may not be any forgiveness for this, but-"

"Wait," Atsushi said, and he reached over to grab Kinshiro's hand. Kinshiro stopped talking as his breath caught in his throat. "Please, please calm down, Kin-chan. It's okay. You didn't violate anything."

"But…" Kinshiro looked down at where Atsushi was holding his hand and then back up at his face. Atsushi's eyes were watery, which was very clear since he hadn't put his glasses back on yet. "You're not angry?"

"No!" Atsushi blurted out. He squeezed Kinshiro's hand. But Atsushi's hand trembled at the same time. "You said… you said you were dreaming. About me? About… about kissing-" he stumbled over his words, clearly just as flustered as Kinshiro.

"Yes." Kinshiro mentally steeled himself. There was nothing to do now but confess his transgression of friendship and hope Atsushi forgave him. "My feelings have… broken through my own defenses, it seems. I have no excuse. I'm… I'm so sorry, At-chan. I hope… I hope you can forget this happened and we can still keep being friends like before. I can understand if you can't do that, however."

"I… I can't do that," Atsushi answered, shaking his head.

Kinshiro's stomach dropped. "I… I see." His voice was shaky. He tried not to show how devastated he truly was but was unsure since he was sure his voice sounded as depressed as he felt. "I understand."

"No no no," Atsushi stepped closer. "Ugh, I'm saying this wrong… I mean, I can't go back to being friends the same as before after this because…. because I've wanted to kiss you, too!"

"What?" A chasm swirled in Kinshiro's chest, knocking him off center. "…You?"

"I've dreamt about it at night, and even during the day," Atsushi admitted, his voice strained, but keeping Kinshiro's eye contact. "You… you just did it first. Even if it was an accident. I was just too scared to risk out friendship to act."

"Really?" Kinshiro's voice shook.

"Yes." Atsushi was so flushed.

Kinshiro had never seen Atsushi look this red before. Kinshiro's whole body sparked, hope, relief, embarrassment, anticipation, all of it was electrocuting his nerves. Atsushi was saying these things… that meant, he felt the same, didn't it? Could Kinshiro truly be so lucky? This was such a shock that Kinshiro's heart was having a hard time keeping up.

"I'm… give me a moment." Kinshiro inhaled and exhaled. "I didn't expect you to say that, for you to feel…"

"I tried to hide it," Atsushi admitted.

Kinshiro gazed at Atsushi. Atsushi who still looked flustered and nervous. Atsushi who'd taken this situation and bared his soul. Kinshiro couldn't… he couldn't cower away anymore, either.

"I did too," Kinshiro said, his own voice trembling. "But the truth is… I am in love with you, At-chan. I probably always have been, even before I'd realized it. Even when I pretended not to care."

Atsushi wiped his face. "I'm in love with you, too."

They stared at each other, the atmosphere heavy with emotion, but not in an uncomfortable way. In a way that made Kinshiro want to bask in it. He wanted this moment to go on and on and never end. The way Atsushi was looking at him was a sight he wanted to imprint on his memory forever.

"So does that mean I can kiss you? On purpose?" Kinshiro asked nervously.

Atsushi nodded quickly and stepped closer. Their hands still clasped between them, they met in the middle and kissed. It was better than any dream. It was perfect. It was warmth, excitement, hopeful, a new beginning, puzzle pieces sliding together perfectly.

When they stepped apart, Kinshiro's mind whirred. "So this means… our friendship is…"

Still blushing, Atsushi nodded. "Can we say... evolved? We're still friends, but friends… can also… be in love and date, right?"

Those words filled Kinshiro's heart with so much joy it was going to burst. He nodded. "Yes, I think that's true. A good couple are friends first, or so I've heard." By secretly reading manga occasionally, that is, but Atsushi didn't have to know that.

"I agree." Atsushi said. He exhaled shakily and then his face grew into a wide, beaming smile that knocked Kinshiro's breath away. He couldn't help lean forward and hug Atsushi tightly. Atsushi wrapped his arms around Kinshiro, too.

"Maybe it's not optimal to start dating while long distance," Kinshiro said regretfully into Atsushi's shoulder.

"Maybe not, but it's alright," Atsushi insisted. "We will talk all the time, and I'll come visit again when I can."

"And I… I'll come visit Binan too." Kinshiro couldn't wait. He wanted to tell his friends about this new development, too. "Those moments will be worth waiting for. Like... like this was. Like you were."

"Kin-chan..." Atsushi murmured. "I agree. Parts of it were hard, especially our time apart then and now, but you're truly worth the wait."

Kinshiro sighed. How had he fallen into a romantic drama like this? Was it really not a dream?

"But for now… let's make the most of my visit," Atsushi added.

They pulled back and Kinshiro nodded, smiling brightly, himself. "Yes. We can find a library to spend time at, or maybe go to a museum, or any other place you'd like to go, and spend as much time together as we can. And… and maybe kiss some more?"

Atsushi let out a whoosh of air that sounded like a flustered laugh. "Yeah. I definitely agree."

They stared at each other, both smiling. Atsushi then stepped over to the other side of the bed to grab his glasses to slide them on.

"But first, will you let me make you breakfast?" Atsushi asked.

His first instinct was to argue, since Atsushi was the guest after all, but he suppressed it.

"Yes, I'd like that." Kinshiro nodded joyfully. "What a wonderful way to start the most perfect day."

Atsushi stepped closer and grabbed Kinshiro's hand again. "I couldn't agree more."