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Grace winces as yet another bowl is accidentally knocked off the kitchen counter and smashed against his carefully crafted not-wooden floors in his Bio-Dome home.
He has no idea how long it's been since this all started, it could've been minutes, maybe hours, but nevertheless, the tired ache in his bones and the trickle beginning of nausea burning in his empty stomach gives him enough of a push to try and bring this to end, minutes or hours or not.
"Rocky-" He starts.
"YOU LIED TO ME!"
And he immediately stops again, all confidence he had just brought together disintegrating at how pained Rocky's chords sound.
He's shaking, damn near trembling in his special, Xenonite suit as he quakes in both anger and despair in Grace's kitchen, the remains of broken plates, cups and bowls lay at Rocky's claws, something he will probably deeply apologise for later once he calms down - because he will calm down, he will, Grace knows he will.
This whole thing, as upsetting and expected or unexpected as it may have been, will eventually blow over, at least for Grace. If he's being honest with himself, he's known for years that the consequences of the Hail Mary mission was slowly creeping up on him as each birthday came and went; the small, barely noticeable bumps that appeared on his neck near his lymph nodes, his throat slowly feeling like it was getting dryer and more irritated as the months went on, like he'd suddenly picked up the habit of chronic smoking, and his asthma had came back for vengeance.
All of these medical oddities, as Grace and the medical Team had been calling them, had been swept under the rug as weird last minute recovery issues that were still making it's way through his immune system nearly two decades later, off of the back of nearly starving to death and having every disease under the sun for a time.
However, Grace just kinda had a... A feeling. You know? That something inside was wrong, affected somehow...
So when he awoke a few weeks back with a haggering start; a deep cough that had his chest and throat burning in a way it hadn't done since he'd arrived on Erid nearly 20 years prior and that left him so parched for breath he had nearly gone unconscious, he hadn't been surprised in the slightest when the situation turned from 'Oh it's probably nothing' to 'oh, it's very VERY serious'.
Rocky had been horrified, so had Adrian, so had the Medical team still getting used to the intricate details of human biology, diseases and health, but Grace had not been so affected, because he knew.
You see, he had told a little white lie to Rocky when they had first met - well... Little might be an understatement, it was a big lie, a big lie created from love and care for a friend, from guilt and maybe some self loathing in there too.
He had told Rocky that humans had developed a way of protecting themselves naturally against Radiation, the radiation that had surrounded them in small doses on the Hail Mary, the Blip-A, and the void of space beyond. Grace just couldn't bring himself to tell Rocky, still a new friend at the time, that his mission was a suicide mission, one that he was not expected to return from, so what's a little cancer going to do? So long as Rocky was protected, he didn't care.
So, now two decades after the big white lie, with way too many years on his belt from his supposed to be suicide mission, and with said cancer rearing it's ugly, mutated head on him at 56? ... it didn't really cross his mind as something that could even happen in the realm of things, something he should have never survived to see come to fruition.
In the end, He had told Rocky of his Mission predicament, with his Eridian friend selflessly giving him two million kilograms of his own Astrophage fuel just so Grace could have the opportunity of going back home, and then the Taumoeba incident happened and... Well.
Grace was still very confident in the decision he made that day, and yes, that decision meant that he would live the rest of his life on an Alien planet, with his Alien best friend, that knew nothing about humans or how they worked, or what they needed to survive, and that was only if the miracle of him making it past the journey there even happened, with starvation and other horrifying diseases on that horizon. He'd still need to manage surviving on Erid to begin with.
Food, vitamins, health care, a breathable space and a home. All these things that had surrounded him, Rocky and eventually Adrian, and everyone else involved in his care, that he'd... Well he'd kinda forgot about the whole radiation exposure thing. ...Sorta.
Until that morning, weeks ago, as he lay crumpled on his bedroom floor, with Rocky screeching so loudly above him his ears were ringing, and his lungs were screaming for air, and all the other nagging symptoms of the last few years came back to him, with this very sudden reminder of the consequences quite literally choking the air from him, that it all finally made sense. Really, that morning's incident had sealed the deal for him.
He was sick. Sick in a way that even decades of human advancements in medicine and study couldn't really figure out how to fix without other, drastically unhealthy or life threatening treatments - most of which he doesn't even have on Erid.
Maybe a naive part of himself kinda hoped that the Astrophage fuel lines that lay below the ships quarters were enough to protect him, but who was he kidding. He was a fleshy, leaky space blob, and that sure didn't sound like something that could fight literal radiation even with the assistance of living organisms.
It was official though, he had been checked over about a hundred times by now from the medical team and by top tier Doctors to try and figure out what was wrong with him and they had finally gotten the diagnosis that crisp foggy morning with the assistance of many a human thinking machine.
He has thyroid cancer, possibly around stage three, based off of the growths they had found on his thyroid and the spread to other nearby areas, plus the other worrying symptoms.
Rocky had been still and silent the entire meeting with the head Doctor, only giving simple 'Okay.' 'I understand' 'Yes.' answers to as he explained possible treatment plans they could come up with to fight this off, but it would take weeks, maybe months of planning, testing and double, triple, quadruple testing before it could be put in place for him.
Based off of how serious the Doctor was taking this, Grace wouldn't be surprised if a planet wide thrum would be put together just to speed things up. With how Rocky was acting now?... Make that a certainty.
Speaking of in the now, Rocky was still yelling, still shaking, grieving even though Grace was right there, breathing, alive in the kitchen with him. Oh he was so mad... So upset, Grace wanted to reach out and hug him until he didn't have the energy to be upset anymore.
Adrian, who was sat near Arm-ando's medical station with Grace, and had been there the entire time, had stayed comfortingly silent for the most part - other than asking Rocky for a brief overview of the appointment with the Doctor when they came in, as they hadn't been present for it. Grace had ended up being the one to explain it all, with Rocky...
Well.
"YOU LIED! YOU SAID YOU WERE PROTECTED!" Rocky yelled again, one of his back appendages thumping the floor so hard, Grace worries the not-wood will crack. "I SAT WITH AN ASTROPHAGE TANK FOR PROTECTION THE WHOLE TIME AND YOU- ... YOU-... OHHhhhh!"
Rocky howls in his grief, his legs nearly giving out on him as his vents on top of his carapace jump and tremble with each howl. Grace briefly wonders if this is the Eridian version of crying.
"Grace! Why?! Why didn't you tell me?! I could have done something then! To help shield you from the radiation! I could have made you something with Astrophage- anything! I would've done anything for you!" His best friend pleads with him and Grace really wishes he had an explanation to give as to why he didn't tell the truth that day, or why he didn't tell Rocky after the fact either, when he had a hunch as to what was going on, other than it being just... Carelessness.
Well, it hadn't just been that, had it? A small voice says to him in the back of mind. He shake it away.
"... Rocky, please calm down." Adrian finally speaks up, their low, almost bartone notes, filling the room to contest against Rocky's shrill ones. Their mate doesn't listen.
"I spent so long trying to figure out why my crew died, spent so many years trying to piece it together in my madness! You gave me that missing piece that I had been so desperate for! That my grief wanted so badly just to make their deaths easier on my conscious!"
Rocky's notes reach peak disparity here as he continues through his spiral.
"And now radiation is going to take you as well and you might not even make it to 60, not 80 like you said and there's nothing!! Nothing I can- I-"
It seems this last confession of understanding seems to finally take Rocky off his feet, as he crumples to the floor in a heap of howls, shakes and trembles. Grace can't take his eyes off of him, he hasn't seen Rocky like this in years.
Not since Grace had nearly died of Scurvy, way back on the docked Hail Mary, when Erid was still trying to make a safe place for him to stay in the main city Hospital so he could recover properly. (Just basking in that radiation...)
He hadn't known at the time that he had been so close to death, so in and out of consciousness as he was, barely catching glimpses of Rocky's fearful chords and pleads for Graces heart to keep beating.
So silly, he had thought in his delirium, why would it stop? I'm safe with you bud.
He, of course, had no prior knowledge that his heart had indeed stopped on two separate occasions, with Arm-ando having to resuscitate him each time.
Rocky had described it as the worst two events of his life, alongside loosing the Blip-A crew.
And now here he was again, pleading with Grace for a reason as to why he had kept this a secret for so long, weeping on the floor surrounded by the shattered remains of Eridian pottery and glass that Rocky had accidentally knocked down off the table in his blinded anger and sorrow.
He had quite liked one of the cups that now lay in pieces on the floor, he thinks Mayflower may have made him it, a young purple Eridian that had just recently joined his class. He'd have to apologise to them later on for breaking it...
The sound of Adrian's standing up brought Grace back to reality, back to this sad, sad reality he was now in, and they walked to Rocky's side, racking a gentle claw across Rocky's arm, the one with the mating gem.
Despite Grace and Adrian not being the closest, like how Grace and Rocky were, they were always nearby if Grace needed something, even before the diagnosis. It was like wherever Rocky was, Adrian was nearby with their patience and comforting silences.
It hadn't always been like that of course... For the first 3 years of Grace being Erid, he'd barely seen the turquoise Eridian other than in short visits, with Rocky in the room, or in passing. Rocky had always told him it was because the Bio-dome required Adrian's full attention.
He hadn't known the actual reason why at the time... That Adrian and Rocky almost went through what you could call an Eridian Divorce during that timeframe but that's for another day-
"My other half, you must breathe. Your vents are working too hard for your suit to keep up." They said, pawing at Rocky's side as he wept.
The low, gravely noise that came from Rocky in response had Grace nearly stumbling out of bed in worry. Jesus, the last thing he wants is the two to start arguing, not again, he can't go though that again, not with all this.
"Rocky please don't-"
"Why are you not upset?!" Rocky's sneers, his musical notes downright hostile and Adrian barely reacts, used to this tone and behaviour by now, grace thinks.
"I am upset. I am very upset." Adrian states matter a factly, putting a claw over their mating mark, the swooping, spiraling pattern just above their mating gem. "Grace was the one to bring you home, and I am very troubled that he has to suffer this way for such a selfless, loving action."
"You do not sound upset..." Rocky says back, bland and dry. "If you had any care for him-"
"I do care for him, my soul. If I did not, I wouldn't have volunteered to help with the Bio-dome or his Classroom or his care." Adrian points out, a deep rattling sigh coming from their vents. "... Please, my rock, you are exhausted and haven't slept or ate in weeks, not since Grace was put into Arm-ando's care. You need to rest-"
"No." Rocky says, finally getting up on shaky legs, "I will not rest until I know whatever medicine Grace needs is formulated, tested and given to him."
Granted, both Grace and Adrian, and probably Rocky too, all knew that this was physically impossible for him to do, and his chords only seem to add to the slowly growing tension in the room and to Grace's growing chest pain.
Adrian deflates, anxiously rattling their Carapace. "Rocky, please- you will only cause yourself to pass out from exhaustion-"
"Then so be it! I will not let this unseeable threat take another life from me! Not again! Not ever!" He stomps a claw again and the squabbling continues.
Grace can barely hear himself think. He wants to leave, to sit by the beach, but he also wants to hug Rocky close and tell him it's going to be okay, to tell Adrian that everything is going to be okay.
But the only words that come out are a strained plea.
"Please... Please you two just stop..."
And he's thankful that seems to get their attention, for the most part.
"Grace-" "Grace-" Rocky and Adrian say at the same time, and Rocky skitters forward to put two reassuring claws on his knees. His Xenonite is so warm.
"Please don't strain yourself, I will make sure that you get better, I promise! I will do anything-"
"I don't want you to do anything!" Grace finally grates out after taking a breath, firm and loud, and Rocky flinches a little.
"Rocky..." Grace starts, and barely blinks back the years that form in his vision, "Rocky you have already given me everything... When you barely knew me, you gave me a large chunk of your fuel just so I'd get to go back home, and when the Fishing trip to Adrian went south and I ended up hurt, you broke out of your ball and scorched yourself nearly to death just to save me again!"
"Grace that had nothing to do with-"
"No." Grace cuts him off.
"Grace-"
"No! I need you to listen to me, please-"
Rocky is shrinking smaller and smaller into himself as Grace continues to pour out his conflicted emotions regarding everything that's happened and his most recent diagnosis. He just wishes Rocky would, for once in his life, choose himself over literally almost killing himself trying to save others in some way, just once.
"When we parted ways, I was so happy that you'd finally get a break from all this- worry and stress- and get to see Adrian again..." Adrian shifts a little at being mentioned.
"You went though so much on that space ship, you spent 46 years, years, alone Rocky, Alone with thoughts, and confusion and fear. I don't ever want you to go through that again-"
"Then why?! Why didn't you tell me you weren't safe?-"
"Because I didn't think it would matter!" Grace says, tears finally falling freely down his cheeks. "I didn't think any of it would matter! I didn't even think I'd end up here- Are you kidding me?!" He laughs a little, pure bewilderment, awe and pain pooling in his chest that it hurts a little.
"My entire life, I've- I've been operating under this umbrella of confidence and arrogance, hoping it would get me somewhere and mask how fucking afraid I am all the time!" He sniffles, and in his bleary eyed vision he sees Rocky shifts slightly. "It wasn't until I was face to face with the hardest choice of my life that I realised just how much a fraud I am! That I'm a lying, coward! I'm a manipulative fool! That I conned myself into such an important position that my whole planet thought I could do the impossible!"
"Grace, stop it! You are making yourself upset- Rocky says, chords worried and anxious and he feels a claw try and take a hold of one of his hands. He tears it away and ignores Rocky's hurt trill and Adrian's slowly growing anxiety.
"No!" Now it was Grace's time to refuse.
"You want my answer, Rock? The answer is, I didn't think my life mattered, even when you gave me that way back to Earth! Or when I came back for you! If I hadn't found you, there's no way I could've done any of the stuff we did! Because I'm a weak, idiotic coward! And- and I was so prepared to die in that ship, Rock, you-... You have no idea..."
The house is silent besides Graces shivering, choked off sobs and the tick, tick, tick of the kitchen clock on the wall. It not until the warm feeling of Rocky's claws in his hands behind to shake that he finally has the confidence to look back up at the two Eridian's that had given him the will to live again.
Rocky is 'crying' again, shaking ever so slightly as his vents rock up and down. Adrian has moved closer to Rocky's side and is rubbing at their arms anxiously as Grace's confession sits heavy in the air.
Nearly two decades worth of agony, self hatred and suicidal ideation pouring out like a burst valve and Grace doesn't think he can stop it from all coming out, doesn't want to either.
Honestly, why had he kept all of this in for so long? Who was he hiding from? Stratt? Carl? Colt? His dad? ... Rocky and Adrian?
It seems so silly now.
"Oh grace... I am so sorry." Rocky sputters, notes wavering, "Oh I'm so sorry... I have been a horrible friend..."
"What?-" Grace says, bewildered again.
"You have been in so much pain, I- I didn't notice-"
"No, No. Rocky, no. Don't you dare put all of this on you. This is a me thing, not a human thing, and certainly not a you thing, understand?"
"But-"
"Rocky."
"Grace-"
"No."
"...Mmm..."
Rocky shifts uncomfortably. Adrian paws at him again.
"Understand?"
"..."
"Do you understand?" Grace asks firmer.
"... Yes..."
"... Good."
It silent for a blissful moment. The nausea is back and his throat burns, his back hurts and his head is pounding but he ignores it all for now.
"... Rocky understands because I also think of dying in ship."
Grace blinks, looking at Rocky. His chords are choppy and easier to pull apart. It reminds him of the pebble-eridian Rocky had taught him on The Hail Mary before Grace had decided to try and learn the language better.
"What?"
Rocky fidgets absentmindedly with his front claws, and it's only when Adrian hums a low tone to him that Rocky continues.
"... When Rocky was alone on the Blip-A, there was many times I almost stepped out of the airlock. I would imagine how it would feel like to suffocate in space, did with my crew and leave Adrian as a widow and Erid to suffer. But I was too scared to do it. Stood in the airlock where Blip-A would dock and would just... Stand there."
Rocky trembles a little.
"Couldn't press the button, couldn't leave Adrian, couldn't let Erid suffer. But I could've done it... Would've if I had the confidence. But I was so afraid, so alone I was content to suffer out there for as long as I could last just because I didn't have the confidence to try. Not to save Erid or to kill myself. Rocky will always be that failure Eridian on the Blip-A no matter how hard I try."
"But... Meeting you, Grace, I realised that there was something I could try. And that was being there for you." Rocky admits, shy and unprepared, "You were also alone, also had same problem with planet, also confused and lost... So I decided, if I couldn't figure it out by myself, for Erid, I would figure it out for you and your planet."
Grace barely stifles back another sob.
"It was selfless, and I felt much guilt... But I just couldn't let someone else fail and go down the same horror I went through, alone in that solar system. Maybe it doesn't make sense... Maybe it never will, but Grace, you mean so much to me, and your life absolutely matters, not just to me or... Adrian, but to the entirety of Erid."
Grace can't look at him.
"Rocky is right." Adrian says quietly, placing one of their own claws onto of one of Rocky's, which is still tightly encased in Grace's hand. "You two worked so hard, struggled through so much, but achieved the one thing you wanted to do. You saved Earth, you saved Erid. You are home now. The mission is done."
"Grace is alive, Rocky is alive, and nobody is going to change that." Adrain says.
Grace sniffles, wiping his cardigan sleeve across his face as he lets out a weak, breathy laugh.
"... Oh... We are such a mess arnt we, old friend?" He asks and Rocky chitters through his own grief and sorrow.
"Yes, yes we are."
He then forces himself up into Graces lap, ignoring Adrian's weak protests of being too heavy handed, as they help Rocky up into a better position whilst also being mindful of not putting their own full weight down as Rocky cuddles into Graces chest, a claw coming to gently rest at the IV still in Grace's arm and the other to clutch onto Adrian.
Their conversation, confessions and tears had done little to change Grace's ultimate reality. He was still sick, still dying, still without the needed treatment, but... Somehow the dread doesn't feel as heavy anymore. Whatever happens, however it happens, and the effects it may have on Grace, or Rocky, they just know... Somewhere in their minds, that's it's going to be okay.
Because they're alive, and they're home, and nobody, nothing, is going to change that.
"... Grace?" Rocky asks.
"Mmm?"
"I'm sorry about the pottery... I will get you some more, I promise. And Adrian?..."
His mate shifts, tapping at his arm in curiousity.
"Yes my star?"
"I am sorry for yelling at you. I shouldn't have done that... Will you let me make it up to you tomorrow?" Rocky asks, anxiously and shy.
Adrian baritone laugh echoes through the house as they gleefully flaunt their mating gem. "My my... What a lovely thing you are. Of course, you rockmound! I will treasure whatever it is you do... As I am just so happy you are here with me."
Rocky preens under their words and Grace sticks his tongue out in mock disgust, Adrian sets their 'sights' onto him next.
"Do not pretend to be disgusted Grace, I know what you are. What did the thinking machine define the phrase as? A whore for affection?-"
Grace splutters, and both Rocky and Adrian laugh.
"WH- ADRIAN!"
Yeah, he'll be okay.