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The party was loud. The bass thrummed under Shauna’s feet as she ducked under Taissa’s arm to slip out the back door, clutching the neck of her beer bottle.
Even with the sun long down, the night air was still humid and sticky. Shauna instinctively wrinkled her nose as she carefully padded to the edge of the Matthews’ Olympic-sized underground pool, one-handedly loosening the top buttons of her short-sleeved flannel. The music was much more muted out in the screened-in veranda; Shauna’s ears rang in the sudden quiet.
She thought she was alone for a second. Then the lights strung along the veranda caught on a lone figure sitting across the pool, one leg tucked beneath her while her other foot drifted lazily through the water.
Jackie. Of course it was Jackie.
Shauna wasn’t surprised. Jackie started the night surrounded by half the party, like always, but she’d faded faster than usual as the evening wore on. Shauna had stayed close until Misty Quigley’s hand had caught on her sleeve, and she’d had a hell of a time escaping from there. She’d only gotten away when Natalie had walked by, and Misty had said something about needing to talk to her—Shauna honestly hadn’t cared. She’d taken the out and made the quickest exit she could to shake off the overstimulation.
She rounded the deep end of the pool to join Jackie on the other side, her footsteps echoing on the smooth concrete. She dropped down beside Jackie carefully, letting their shoulders meet.
“You’re quiet tonight,” she observed, setting her beer to the side. “Bored?”
Jackie looked up at Shauna and shrugged. “Thinking.”
“About the same stuff?” Shauna crossed her legs and studied Jackie curiously, waiting.
“Is there anything else going on in the world?” Jackie asked jokingly.
Shauna smiled and reached out, sliding her hand into Jackie’s and holding on. They were both stuck looking backward these days, trying to make sense of things they’d never questioned before. At first, it had all felt too heavy to manage, but they had each other. That eased some of the weight.
“Wanna talk about it?”
Jackie took a slow, considering breath before nodding. “I was thinking about last summer. Lottie had a pool party out here, and Ellie, from the volleyball team…”
Shauna’s back straightened, her jaw clenching. She remembered. Ellie was a nice enough person, no one Shauna had ever felt badly toward. Then she’d gotten flirty and bold with Jackie. She’d kissed her against the pool wall in front of everyone, and Shauna couldn’t stand her anymore. She still only said hello if forced.
“You were jealous,” Jackie teased, nudging Shauna’s shoulder. “You still are, aren’t you?”
Shauna blushed, relaxing slightly again. “Yeah, well, you’re sitting out here thinking about Ellie a year later. I have reason to be jealous.”
“Nuh uh,” Jackie countered, perching her chin on Shauna’s shoulder. “I’m here with you, not her.”
Shauna couldn’t argue with that. She stroked her thumb along Jackie’s and nodded. Nothing between them had officially changed yet, but she was tentatively (maybe stupidly) hopeful.
“Did you like kissing her?”
The question was reluctant but pointed. Shauna had been trying her best to help Jackie figure out if this was an actual thing—if she actually liked girls or just Shauna. Selfishly, Shauna hoped it was just her.
“Yeah, she was fine.”
Shauna hummed, looking away.
Jackie squeezed their joined hands. “She wasn’t you, though.”
Shauna’s chest swelled with warmth, and she looked back at Jackie. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. You’re the only person who I’ve kissed and it just felt… right,” Jackie said. “I never had to tell myself I should want it or that it should feel good. It just did. Does.”
“What about other girls?”
Jackie paused thoughtfully. “I liked kissing other girls. It wasn’t, like, a trial. But it wasn’t like kissing you either.”
“Good.” Shauna nodded and picked up her half-empty beer, taking another drink. It felt good to know that she ranked highest, at least.
“You’ve kissed girls too,” Jackie pointed out, gently poking Shauna’s stomach. “I’m allowed.”
Shauna’s brows furrowed as she set the bottle down again. “I know,” she agreed, unsure where this was going.
“Remember when Lucy cornered you against that huge oak tree after the Homecoming game? I hated that.”
Shauna did remember that, vividly. She hadn’t been cornered at all, but she’d let Jackie think that. She and Lucy had been drinking together most of the night while Jackie stayed glued to Jeff. She had picked up that Lucy was interested in more pretty quickly, and she’d played into it.
Maybe she owed it to Jackie—and Lucy, honestly—to set the record straight.
“I wasn’t cornered, Jack,” she corrected softly. “You make it sound like she jumped me unexpectedly, but I wanted to kiss her.”
Jackie made a disgruntled face. “I hate that even more,” she huffed.
“It was months ago.”
“I still hate it!”
Shauna laughed, unable to stop smiling as she looked at her best friend.
My Jackie. My whole world.
“She wasn’t you, though,” Shauna said softly.
“She couldn’t be if she tried.” Jackie grinned, cheeks pink with pleasure. “How much have you had to drink?”
Shauna blinked and held up her beer for Jackie’s inspection. “Just this.”
Jackie nodded approvingly. “Okay. Put it down.”
Shauna did so obediently, watching for Jackie’s next move curiously. Her heart started beating faster in anticipation, especially when Jackie’s hands moved to cup her jaw.
Their lips met slowly. Not messy or hungry or desperate in the way it so often was when they were drunk and overeager. There was no hesitation, just intention. Jackie was tender in the way she touched Shauna, her hands fluttering a little nervously until they settled on Shauna’s shoulders.
Shauna was dazed at first. Jackie’s kisses had never belonged to this version of her. Maybe a few times at the start, when they were young and Jackie insisted they practice for boys. But nearly every time Jackie had kissed her, for years, had been wrapped in alcohol and excuses.
Not this time. Shauna could feel how much Jackie wanted this, how much thought she’d put into it. This was Jackie showing Shauna that she wanted to kiss her sober.
So Shauna didn’t let it escalate the way she would have before. She let their lips linger, let herself taste the cherry lip gloss Jackie wore tonight for just a moment, then let it end. For once, there was no fear in her that this could be the last time. Her gut told her it wouldn’t be.
Before either of them could speak, the sliding door to the veranda opened and a familiar figure popped out.
“Hey lovebirds,” crowed Van. “Nat and I are starting a game of Never Have I Ever. You in?”
“Not tonight, Van,” Jackie answered for them. “We’re gonna head out.”
Van nodded sagely. “Use protection,” she advised, then disappeared into the house again.
Shauna knew she was beet red. Her face felt hot enough to melt. But Jackie’s hand found her cheek again, and she dipped her head as soft lips pressed against hers.
“Van’s just being Van,” Jackie chuckled. “Don’t worry, okay? This is all I need right now.”
“Okay,” Shauna murmured, resting their foreheads together. “You really ready to go?”
“Yeah.” Jackie shifted away and got to her feet, putting on her discarded flip-flops before offering Shauna her hand. “I want you all to myself tonight, Shipman.”
Shauna smiled and took Jackie’s hand to stand up beside her.
“I’m all yours.”
The evening did end in bed—Jackie’s, specifically. Hours of kissing in the coolness of the Taylor home ended in falling asleep intertwined, as it always had.
And this time, instead of falling asleep in a drunken haze with a heavy heart, Shauna fell asleep happy and light.