Work Text:
⊰═══════════════════⊱
Heartbroken was a strong word, and not what he was feeling. He felt deceived, perhaps shocked? Made more sense than heartbroken, what a silly word it was, as if a human would ever break his heart.
You and Pierrot laugh inside the tent. What a disgusting sound, dog wasn't even funny, is that what you like? A dog that will follow you even after being kicked?
He was not mad; he hadn't lost. You followed him into the tent, didn't reject his pin. What a cruel little thing you were, trying to play with both of them when you're the one he's playing with… It was a matter of time before you finally succumbed to him; you had no choice but to.
The Pierrot was too naive, he would never be what you truly needed.
He peeked through a torn piece of Pierrot's private tent, and then he saw it. He saw you and Pierrot being disgustingly romantic, kissing and making promises of undying love.
As if humans were capable of loving a monster… They were merely opportunistic, no human ever looked back twice, far too many times he had lived through that, he had heard stories of humans and monsters who claimed to love each other, only for one to be stabbed in return.
A human and a monster, they were two worlds, completely different, never meant to be together. How many times has he been told about those supposed "lovers" that ended up hanging the skulls of his kind as thropies, how many betrayals in the hands of humans…
So why? Why did it sting? What was different this time? You were nothing more than entertainment, you would shy away if he got close, just as many did before, he wanted to slither into your bed and devour you in every sense of the word, nothing more, nothing less. Yet there you were, touching Pierrot's cheek so lovingly, without fear or disgust, he could almost see the shine in your eyes.
Disgusting. Harlequin's smile faltered, not completely, but you could tell it was not his usual smile.
Why am I not good enough?
You're attractive, but not enough for me to love you.
You're friendly, but not enough for me to be your friend even after you made a mistake.
You're talented, but not enough for you to be recognized.
Not enough, never enough, something is always lacking, doesn't matter, where, when, or with whom, always something is missing. Because I'm not enough, I'll never be enough.
Always cursed to hate, to despise my loved ones when they get something I want.
Maybe it's my ego, why would I think I deserve it? They deserve it, but it hurts, it hurts that it isn't me, I want it to be me, just once, I just want to be enough for something, someone, to simply exist, be myself, and have that be enough.
Why have I never felt that? Not with my parents, not with companions. Why am I strange? Doctor says I'm not, but then why? Why can't I have something? Anything? Just for me.
Why can't I be chosen for once?
Harlequin left the scene silently, locked himself inside his private tent with a Fool. He didn't come out for the next 2 days after that, coming out with tired eyes and a strained smile.
"Oh~ how strange to see you without your guard dog". Harlequin approached you slowly, you could sense something was off about him, but can't quite pinpoint what it is.
You try to reply, only to be cut off by him.
"If that bobo is busy, I'm sure you'd be delighted to keep me company for the time being. I have a new show I want to practice if you'd like to be my audience~". You gave him a look, surely you don't mind as Pierrot was taking longer than you expected, besides, Harlequin might like to toy with you, but he would never hurt you.
You followed him to his tent, the walk there is strangely silent, no teasing, no jokes-nothing, just the sounds of your steps.
"You look tense kitten". There was an edge to his voice that made your skin crawl, it wasn't his usual tease, somehow it felt... predatory.
"Are you okay Harlequin? You seem off..." Harlequin chuckled at you, you felt as though he were mocking the question, as if the answer was obvious to anyone but you.
"Never been better dearest". With that he lets you into his tent, the air was cold, a heavy scent fills your lungs, it smells rotten, metallic.
"Hm? You should get used to it, look closely". With a confused look you gaze upon the source, a human corpse on top of the table, wide open, blood was everywhere, it looks like someone hat taken bites out of it. You felt like vomiting.
"What an interesting face, it looks almost as if you didn't know... Wait, he didn't tell you did he~? Oh poor little human, you didn't even know our teeth were made to tear through the skin of your kind~". You feel his hands on your shoulders, his touch demanding, making you stay in place, even if you wanted to or not, making you stare at the body of what looked like a Fool.
"You know what we are, and now... You know what we eat... Do you still want to kiss a monster's mouth dearest?" He makes you look at him, his eyes shining an intoxicating green, you can see his sharp teeth and serpent-like tongue, the sight making you nauseous.
"You're breaking my heart..." His tone sounds teasing but on edge. He let you go with an amused look.
"Will you go running to your doggy now that you know the truth?"
No. No you would not. You were human, after all, who would stay after such sight? He watched as you fled from the scene, his smile fell once more.
In truth, he couldn't recall what happened after that. He could remember Pierrot's screams and claws tearing through his costume and rough skin. He only remembered the red on the floor, the cold, and his eyes growing heavy. Now he knew you were just like the others. You were never special. He was protecting the circus, protecting his family, and protecting himself.
⊰═══════════════════⊱