Chapter Text
The word different and the word special were separated for a reason, he thought. It was something that perplexed him once as a child.
You're different, someone said.
You're special, someone else said.
He'd looked them up in the quiet hours of the morning, before the others woke up and started their routines. Sneaking into the office, climbing onto a set of chairs and books he could reach, a young boy found a dictionary.
Special:
to be better, greater, or otherwise different from what was usual. Not the same.
Different:
not the same as another or each other, unlike in nature, form, or quality. To be distinct or separate.
While he didn't understand all the words, he did recognize that special was to be more different than different. He also recognized they seemed to be the same thing in a lot of ways.
It was when he was older he started to truly understand what that meant.
"You're pregnant."
"I'm sorry, what?"
The doctor didn't seem as interested in response.
"Could your repeat that?" he asked, differently, voice shaking a little.
"You're pregnant. You will need to start taking some vitamins and schedule some follow up appointments if you don't intend on keeping it. Here's some resources," they opened a drawer nearby and pulled out some pamphlets, handing them over without making eye contact.
The words on the glossy paper seemed to blur and twist, as if he didn't understand them anymore. Options. He had options.
But how did it even happen?
Because he was different.
He was seventeen as he began the longest walk of shame to the place he called home, a series of folded documents between his shaking hands. The pink one at the top was the most pressing, big blue and white letters about parenthood and planning that unfolded into different choices he had to make and quickly.
"What's wrong?" was the next thing he could actually understand. "Kaeya, my boy. What's the matter? You're shaking like a leaf— what's this?"
A visceral urge came to jerk away as the adult man gently took the papers from his clenched hands, smoothing out the creases formed by his grip. Immediately, fear swam through him in a hazy, unrecognizable sludge through his brain. He should grab it and run. He should hide it— but by the time he even full registered that he even had that capacity, the little indicators were already gone and understood.
They looked confused, eyes scanning his as he looked up for any sort of answer, any at all. For a moment, he was quiet and some sort of conversation passed between them without words.
"Oh Kaeya," they sighed. "Come here son."
He burst into tears as soon as he felt their shoulder against his cheek. The fingers in his hair felt so warm, so comforting that it felt wrong in a way.
"Let's go inside and get you settled. We can talk then."
"What about—?" He hiccupped.
"I'll handle it."
There was a firmness in Master Crepus' voice that Kaeya felt safe under. The calm, sternness of a father he lacked but never went without. It was wrong and he knew it, to accept the kindness of this man he'd ultimately betrayed.
He knew was going to happen. He knew it would be soon.
He still didn’t feel like he had enough time.
"Alright Kaeya," they said to him in the sweetest, most warm and comforting way that they could manage. “I need to ask you this, and I know it’s personal.”
Sitting in a large armchair, he felt like a little boy again, even as Master Crepus went down on one knee beside him to look smaller and up at him.
“Who is the mother?”
His brain stuttered and clicked to a stop. “Huh?”
“The girl. Who did you sleep with?” the papers were offered back to him.
“I…” Kaeya stammered. “I didn’t…”
Master Crepus looked disappointed and it almost sent stress into overdrive. “Kaeya I need to know who you slept with.”
Fear.
The absolute terror gripped him suddenly as that realization completely and utterly crashed down. There was only one answer. The answer that he knew would probably either worsen his situation or better it. He wasn’t sure.
His eyes watered and he stared at his benefactor in abject horror as pins and needles formed at the corners of his vision, his face already sore from crying before. It was almost easier then, the walls already weakened and vulnerable to the emotion he didn’t want to feel.
“Kaeya—” they were trying so hard not to sigh. “It’s for her benefit— I won’t be angry. I just need to contact her family and keep up with what happens and what is needed.”
“Diluc,” he whimpered, forcing his tongue to form the name. “It was Diluc…”
Crepus paused, clearly confused.
”Please don’t be mad,” he whispered, fat tears streaking down his cheeks in streams that didn’t seem to stop. “Please.”
“But…” they paused. “That… Diluc’s a boy—”
Then it clicked, their eyes widened as they looked up at him, expression softening. Any amount of confusion vanished and with it, the mild irritation. Kaeya sniffled, feeling oddly examined as they tried to figure out how it was possible.
“Diluc’s the father,” Crepus said distantly, more in understanding than question.
Kaeya flinched as they suddenly moved away from him while standing up fully, a hand over their lips and looking around the room. It was rare to see the proud and well known leader of the name Ragnvindr so out of sorts— actually taken aback and surprised by something. The pregnancy of one child was a shock. Two was… a series of things. Negligent, possibly. Shameful. He couldn’t even begin to fathom what Crepus was thinking at that moment, though he had a clue it was something along of his own: How, and what do we do now?
“Please don’t be mad,” he whispered.
“No, no,” the older redhead whipped back to him a bit too fast, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I’m not mad son. I’m just… surprised.”
Surprised was one word for it. Kaeya sniffled, unable to help the little whine that came from the back of his throat. A thumb stroked the soft curve of his muscle, still a bit lanky in his later teen years than he’d like to be.
“Does Diluc know?”
He shook his head. “I just got home.”
“Okay,” they gave him a little squeeze. “Why don’t you go to your room, take a nice long shower and rest. You must be tired. For now, this stays between us.”
Kaeya didn’t enjoy keeping secrets from Diluc. They were best friends. They were closer than anyone. The little mistake now growing inside him was proof of that connection. He knew better than anyone that keeping it to himself would be difficult.
“We’ll talk more about this soon… for now, Kaeya read your pamphlets. You don’t have to make any major decisions today. You can rest.”
He nodded with a sniffle. “You’re really not mad?”
“No, Kaeya. I’d never be mad at you for this,” they said in a loving, honey sweet tenor that made him feel gooey and vulnerable. “Things like this happen. It’s going to be scary, and it will be difficult. But no matter how hard, this will not change how much I care for both of you.”
Kaeya almost cried again as he came to some what of a stand, Crepus accepting his wants for comfort and letting him sink into the warm, stronger body of a protecting figure. In some ways, he could tell this was Diluc’s father with his eyes closed. There were some similarities— the shape of their hands, their smell, their body against his. An older, more seasoned, wiser form of the same person that he knew so well.
“Might I ask something selfish of you?”
He nodded, not willing to open his eyes.
“Don’t do anything for now. Tell Diluc until after his birthday… you both deserve one more week of just being boys. We can figure what to do after that.”
The hand in his hair was enough to make him agree. While selfish to a degree, it was a small enough ask. He wanted it too, honestly.
“It’s going to be okay. It’ll be hard, and I am so proud of you for telling me.”
He was crying again, even if he didn’t mean to.
Was that true? Or just an attempt to placate him?
“I love you Kaeya. You’re going to be okay.”
He heard those words echoing in his mind as he stood behind Diluc’s shoulders, the scent of copper thick in the air.
There was so much he wanted to say.
So much he wanted to ask.
“Master Crepus?” he felt his voice quivering as he tried to even pronounce it.
He wanted to move. To return that affection he’d been shown, but his feet refused to move. He should have stopped this. He should have been just a little bit faster. The signs had been there, he’d figured it out— but ten seconds too late to stop what had happened.
If anything else, he wanted to promise he’d be okay.
He knew that would be reassuring in those final seconds before Diluc ended it all…. but he just couldn’t bring his feet to move. He watched their fingers fall lax in the puddle of crimson, he listened to the sobs of his best friend and closest companion.
And he felt completely helpless.
All he had now was the truth.
Diluc deserved to know everything.
“Diluc, I need to tell you something.”
“Not now Kaeya.”
“It’s important,” he insisted, following their steps carefully, darting in front of them with a smooth motion. “Diluc please—”
The rain was still dripping off his hair, dripping onto the hardwood floor that had seen so many puddles and wet boots. Their face was as a red as their hair, eyes tinted from crying.
They finally stopped, taking a sharp inhale before turning to him. “What?”
“It’s my fault, Diluc.”
“For the love of the Seven—” they went to turn back around, exasperated when he’d only just begun.
“Diluc— Listen—” he reached out to take their elbow and force them to turn around. “It’s my fault. If I wasn’t here… neither of you would have been targeted.”
They were stock still, silent as the grave they now had to stand over. Every breath was measured and deep, desperately trying to stay calm.
“I’m from Khaenri’ah,” he said slowly, shaking with every word. “I was… put here or something. I’m the reason—”
“You weren’t shit,” Diluc hissed, ripping away from him. “You were barely even there Kaeya. He was dying and you…”
He watched Diluc try to wipe their face off, overwhelmed and overburdened all at once.
“There’s something else—”
“No,” Diluc snapped.
“Diluc—”
“Shut up, Kaeya!” they turned on him sharply, barely holding it together. “I just watched my father die. I just… I wasn’t— and now you—”
He knew he should say the words, but something kept him quiet, staring at this rare phenomena that would likely never occur again.
“I can’t do this right now.”
“You have to— Diluc I’m—”
A hard shove pushed him against a wall. Diluc stood there, every breath rocking their frame with wild eyes.
“Fine,” the words barely sounded like language in the familiar voice, low and growled. “You think this is your fault? Prove it.”
He pressed his hand to the wall, shocked. Of all the times Diluc had been angry, they’d never touched him like that. It wasn’t much, but it was still enough to scare him.
“Get your goddamn sword and come out front. Finish what you started.”
Kaeya stood frozen for a moment, unsure what to do.
He could go out there. He could confront Diluc once and for all, with no secrets. No lies. All his truths could be forged in steel, and whatever happened— happened. He didn’t even have to feel bad about it.
Yet his hand drifted to his stomach in protective reflex.
Could he take the risk?
At seventeen, Kaeya Alberich made the biggest choice of his life. One that affected everyone he knew or would come to know. The choice he’d never got to tell Master Crepus his decision in.
No one was watching the back door that night, everyone too involved with their own affairs. Adelinde cried quietly in her room, praying to an archon. Elzer sat in shock. Guy returned home for the evening and spent some time with his father.
A seventeen year old boy with one more big secret wasn’t caught sneaking out the back of the manor, carrying nothing with him but a coat that was hanging nearby and some loose change that felt heavier with the appearance of a frozen tear in the pocket.
Another, mere hours into the age of eighteen, was left alone in the rain.
—-✦/✧\✦-—
“Have you seen this man?”
The local Katheryne scanned the image with quick scrutiny. In the same, robotic tone he’d practically memorized after four nations of searching, “No sir, I cannot say I have.”
“Fuck…” he said on a low breath.
“Would you like to put in a request?”
“Sure,” he mumbled.
“And what would name would you like it under and where it should be sent?”
“Diluc Ragnvindr… Mondstadt. The Dawn Winery is authorized any and all further communication in this matter. You may alert the Mondstadt Katheryne to deliver a message to Adelinde that I am well and my current location.”
“Understood,” she gave a polite bow as he was already turning to walk away. “Your message has been delivered your request is posted.”
Taking a deep breath, he looked around the scenery with disinterest, thumb brushing over the small portrait in his hands.
“Where are you?” he asked the wind, hoping maybe somehow the winds would carry his question and return with an answer.
There was only a few places left to turn, he noted.
It’d been three years since Kaeya disappeared.
Three years since he’d gone into their room, solely for nostalgia and regret— seeking comfort only to find things that made him more disturbed. Pamphlets… three in total sitting beside a bottle of vitamins from the local apothecary.
It was invasive, but he didn’t regret looking more into their things once he’d found the first signs of a living nightmare. It took him almost thirty minutes to recover from the shock, peeling himself off the bathroom floor after puking his guts up.
He swallowed his regrets again as he reached into his coat and pulled out a small piece of paper he’d found mixed in with the others. His father’s handwriting was in the corner, telling Kaeya not to worry. Part of him hated that they’d left it behind, but he understood the departure had been in a rush.
How long had his father known?
How long had Kaeya?
He’d often pondered why they acted the way they did that day— why they’d been so distant yet within arm’s reach. Why they were so insistent to talk to him— what was that last thing he denied them being able to say?
Looking up to the sky, he just wanted to find them, and with that, he sailed from Natlan to one of the last places he wanted to look— Nod Krai. Crawling with Fatui agents, rich with magic he didn’t understand, torn between morals and ethical behaviors like some sort of worldly black market, this was honestly the last place he hoped Kaeya would be.
Still, he couldn’t help but truly hope he’d find them.
It was a few days before the ship docked and he was able to step foot on solid ground again. The port town was just as he remembered it from the last time he’d been with his father supervising a trade route. With little expectation and all the hope he could muster, he began his slow walk to the guild counter at the center.
“Have you seen this man?”
He slid the picture over the counter for what felt like the millionth time.
The Katheryne did not immediately respond. She stared at the image with a blank expression, scanning it for far longer than he’d gotten used to. No rejection came.
“Katheryne?”
“May I know your relationship to this person?” she said, smiling serenely as she looked at him directly.
That was… new? Maybe a new feature as they were closer to the home base of the Adventurer’s Guild. “I’m… He was a ward for my family. We were close friends but I—”
“There are three warrants for his arrest.”
Diluc completely paused. “What for?”
Katheryne turned slightly, reading something internally. “I am not allowed to disclose two, but the third is for breaking and entering, threat with a deadly weapon, and destruction of property.”
Kaeya?
“That can’t be right,” he replied. “Kaeya was—”
“Kaeya Alberich, Birthday November 30th. Currently twenty years old. Cryo vision holder.”
Cryo visi— when did that happen? As Katheryne proceeded to list off a series of demographics, the image of the teen he saw last suddenly began to blur into a full adult. One apparently a small bit taller than him, slender, and… they sounded lovely, honestly. Last seen wearing a furred collar and partially opened shirt with gold embellishments. One eye was covered, just like he remembered.
His next question was one he didn’t want to ask, but felt he needed to.
“Do… you have any records of a child? Any other Alberich in the area?”
“No sir, there are no records of the surname outside of Kaeya Alberich.”
“Thank you,” he mumbled, moving away from the counter.
“If you find him, please report to the—” she called out to him as he began to walk away. It didn’t seem logical she’d know where exactly to find Kaeya, but he had what he needed.
The local bar was also a hotel, The Flagship lived for it’s name with the naval atmosphere of drunken clients that almost made him miss home. After discovering Kaeya’s condition, he had promised to find them, and he’d not considered any place ‘home’ since.
“What can I get you?”
“Just a room for a few nights,” he said, supplying the Mora without much fuss.
“Sure thing, last one on the left is all yours— what brings you to Nod Krai?”
“Trying to find someone,” he said quietly, trying to escape conversation. “Thank you.”
“Hey now, if information is what you’re after, you should talk to the Curatorium.”
Nodding, “I appreciate the tip. Thank you again and good night.”
As he walked down from the bar and counter, something caught his eye in the corner of the room by the door. He’d missed it as he came in, but now facing it, his breath was taken away in all but an instant.
Diluc wandered up to it mindlessly, it was a beautifully done portrait, or perhaps a Kamera photo. He’d believe it with how lovely and perfect every strand of navy hair curled at proud a proud collarbone. Long lashes were half lidded in an almost seductive expression with a lopsided smirk he knew too well. Like Katheryne had described, a furred collar covered most of one side, a sparkling earring on the other. An eyepatch…
In every way, it was and it also wasn’t the Kaeya Alberich he knew.
He was so captivated by the image of someone he hadn’t seen in years that he had to take a second to realize what it was on.
A wanted poster.
Dead or Alive, 500,000 Mora Bounty.
The Fatui were the sponsor behind the enormous bounty— and Diluc noted several hunters had already marked they were in pursuit. If he wanted to find Kaeya, he needed to find them before anyone else did.
“You a merc?” someone asked to his side.
Diluc didn’t jump, but he did jerk quickly in the direction of someone standing close by.
“Better pick a different target son. No one who’s hunted Alberich has ever survived. We call him the Night Raven.”
“That’s an ominous title,” he responded, looking between the gruff speaker and the picture.
“Ha! He earned it! Man’s got a body count that matches that pretty face. Every merc that’s been sent after him as either came back empty handed with a few loose screws or in a body bag, if they come back at all. Agent of death, that one.”
He had confidence in his abilities.
After all, who else had hunted this man for three years? Nobody knew Kaeya like he did... or so he thought. Time would tell, it seemed, how much he actually understood.
“I think I can handle it.”
“Well. If you picked out your coffin already, I can give you a tip on the last sighting of him.”
“I’d appreciate that.”
“What’s your name son? So I know who to send your remains to?”
He tried not to scoff. They may have changed— but Kaeya wouldn’t hurt him.
“You can call me Owl.”