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“…”
“Fuck.”
Layla pressed a paper towel onto her tighs. They didn’t wince, they didn’t cry. She just sat there, watching the ichor paint the towel black as it slowly soaked in.
She wanted to cry. She wanted to cry so fucking bad. She wanted to sob and cry and break down and wail and just let everything out. But her eyes stayed dry. They couldn’t cry, no matter how hard they tried.
She’d cut to feel something, feel anything. She wanted her physical pain to match her mental pain, but the small cuts on her thigh didn’t even come close to what she was feeling inside.
They didn’t cut as deep as they used to but it was still enough to make her bleed quite a bit.
When she mostly got the bleeding to stop she put the blade back into the metal tin and slid it back under her bed. She contemplated what to do now.
Layla realized she didn’t have any clothes that would cover her legs enough. As much as they dreaded having to leave their room now she had to grab something else to wear.
They started walking towards Gigi’s room, praying she wasn’t staying up late again playing on her gameboy. Gigi still seemed like the most solid option out of all the toons since she owned a lot of oversized and covering clothes and Layla borrowed stuff from Gigi all the time anyway.
She slowly creaked the door open and peeked in. It was quiet and dark. The room was only being illuminated by a lava lamp. There only was a faint sound of Gigi breathing. Yup she was definetely asleep.
Layla snuck over to Gigis dresser and started rummaging through the unsorted piles of clothes in it. They were looking for anything that wouldn’t rub too much on her wounds.
She picked up a black pair of sweatpants. This’ll do for now.. They put them on.
Layla walked to the kitchen. First she poured herself a glass of tap water and drank it all. Then she went over to the fridge and tried to open the door open as quietly as possible.
Layla pulled out the bottom drawer. She wanted something to eat. She was nauseous. She had always been a picky eater. She only ever ate her safe foods. One of them being butter cookies with chocolate.
They picked up the package. It was empty.
“Hurensohn!”, she whispered angerly and slammed the fridge door shut. She kicked her foot against the fridge. It did her foot more damage than the fridge-
“What’s that mean?”, someone asked. Layla yelped. They turned around to see the red gachapon standing right behind them.
“Sorry! Didn’t mean to startle you. Were you in my room earlier? Something woke me up.”
Layla stared at her for a moment. Then they just broke down sobbing. They had been keeping it in and trying to control themself for so long.
Layla fell into the arms of a, now very dumbfounded, Gigi. “Wha-”, Gigi started rubbing Laylas back as she didn’t really know what else to do. “Hey hey.. It’s okay! What happened?”
Gigi took Layla to her (Gigis) room. She started wrapping Layla up in a blanket and gave her a plushie to hold. Then she sat with her.
Once Layla had somewhat calmed herself down she hugged Gigi again. “I’m so sorry..”, they mumbled without letting go. “For what?”, Gigi asked.
Layla released Gigi and rolled up the sweatpants. She looked away from Gigi. She didn’t want to see the dissapointed look. “I tried.. I swear.”, they mumbled.
Gigi didn’t say anything. She was trying to process. “Oh.”
“You’re mad at me aren’t you..?”
“What?! No! It’s just- Why would you even think I’d be mad..?”
Layla rolled their sweatpants back down. They were still fighting the tears.
“I don’t know”, she finally responded to Gigi.
There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment.
“Promise not to tell on me though..?”, Layla asked.
“I won’t.”
Layla chuckled under her tears. “I really can’t be left alone with myself, can I?”
She rubbed her eyes.
“Can I sleep with you..?”
“Of course you can.”, Gigi answered, “Need me to grab your blanket or pillow from your room?”
Layla only nodded. She was drained. All she wanted was sleep now.
Gigi gangled across the hall in the dark trying not to knock anything over. She crept into Layla room and quickly grabbed her bed sheets.
By the time Gigi was back Layla had taken her blanket and fallen asleep by themselves. Gigi lay next to them and held them tightly until she was also asleep.