Chapter Text
Hot yet silent tears sting twin trails down Jeongguk’s face. Shoved into a corner of his bedroom, he watches on in desolation as his life, literally and figuratively, is thrown about carelessly. Belongings with stories collected throughout his life now tossed haphazardly into trunks. Clothes in his favorite gem stone shades now lying crushed under heavy books and shoes. His paintings that held numerous hours of work and love now crumpled and stepped on with large, harsh boot prints.
It’s all too much. He bites hard into his lower lip to keep a sob from coming out, feeling like he might draw blood. Maybe even hoping. At least that pain would be a distraction from the one that’s currently aching inside him as he witnesses his life crumble before him. His fingernails dig into the meat of his palm, desperate for some sort of attempt at grounding himself.
He shrinks deeper into his corner when one of the house staff sends him a sympathetic glance. But it’s not enough to make them stop. Especially not with strict orders from Jeongguk’s brother to get rid of everything hastily. Including Jeongguk himself.
It all felt like a horrible nightmare, Jeongguk unable to wake and realize in relief that none of it was actually happening. No sort of reprieve in sight as his predicament only seemed to get worse and worse. No say and no control, his life feeling like a bare stem, pretty petals all ripped away with nothing left but unavoidable thorns.
He thinks back to the looks on his parents' faces after his brother had made the announcement. The shock that had crossed his mother’s, forced back into a neutral facade that Jeongguk had become so accustomed to throughout his life. A hurtful mask of disconnect over his father’s, only cementing the feeling that Jeongguk had always had of never feeling wanted by him. Like he was only kept around because he was his father’s blood. Neither of them willing to put up a fight for him, his father already too humiliated by the actions of his brother and his mother too afraid to anger either one of them even further.
Everything had started in the dead of night. The stunned terror of being jolted awake by loud, incessant banging at his bedroom door makes scared shivers run through him even now. He had been petrified of who, or what, was on the other side, squeezing his eyes shut and wishing the banging would go away. That this was all some strange mistake, that surely it couldn’t be him that the violent bangs were seeking out. But they didn’t go away. Just seemed to get louder and louder until finally, he tiptoed to the door with barely contained tears and unlocked it, trying to only open it a sliver. But the second the heavy, metal lock clicked, the door was slammed open and a swarm of his father’s soldiers entered.
He’d wanted to scream but it had felt like his voice had frozen over, suspended in a solid state with ice too thick to break through. He’d stumbled back haphazardly, eyes searching wildly for anything that might help him. His panicked gaze landed on the open window, feet starting to bolt.
And he’d been so close. Arms reaching out and fingers grabbing for the freedom the cool, night air was beckoning him with. He really thought maybe he’d done it, gotten away from whatever terribleness was trying to take him.
But then he’d felt it. The dreadful, sinking feeling of doom enveloping him the second that large, rough hands pulled him back. Painful in their grip and ripping his sleep clothes as he tried to fight back, kicking and scratching whatever he could. Curses had flown from the soldiers mouths, an especially foul and loud one bellowed out when he’d kicked one of them in the head.
And then a dreadful searing. A terrible, cracking thud as he was hit hard across the face. Pain so startling, it had taken him a moment to realize it was really his own. Fear that he hadn’t even known was possible fighting with the dizziness of being thrown off kilter. A sinking feeling started to overtake him as his body shut down, unable to take more of what was being forced upon it. Falling, falling, falling until there was only darkness.
He’d had no idea of how much time had passed. Only remembers slowly drifting back to consciousness with the help of his mother’s voice. It had almost made him smile, thinking for a momentarily blissful moment that maybe it really all had just been a bad dream. A dream that he was now free of, his mother here to provide comfort and softness. But when he had cracked his stinging eyes open, the pain had immediately greeted him again. Head pounding as he looked up into his mother’s worried face.
“W-what’s happening?” he’d croaked out, scared and not really wanting an answer.
She had looked disheveled as well, though not as bad off as he was. Worried but trying to contain it. Always trying to hide what she was really thinking and feeling. Trained far more years than Jeongguk in concealing. She’d glanced back at his father, who was sitting a few feet away, expressionless.
“Nothing. It’s going to be okay,” she’d said, tight lipped and pale.
Jeongguk frowned at the lie and looked around the room, finally realizing they were in his father’s office. Grand and ornate but lacking any depth or warmth, much like the person that inhabited it. Guards were placed around the room, watching them closely with suspicious eyes. He’d felt a lump form in his throat with the want to cry, body trying to move closer to his mother on the couch he’d obviously been thrown on. But she had stood up, making her way to stand next to his father where he was seated behind his looming, wooden desk.
Before he could fully register the abandonment, the large double doors had swung open with a loud crash. His eyes had widened in fear as he watched his brother’s hulking figure stride into the room with more soldiers behind him. His body backed into the couch cushions as much as it could, wishing he could hide completely behind it instead.
Just the sight of his older brother had made him uncomfortable for years now. An unfeeling and harsh person as far back as Jeongguk could remember. His mind holding sad memories of trying to play with him when they were children, offering up his own toys and stories for both of them to enjoy and being met with sneers. Words of how Jeongguk needed to grow up and how his brother was an alpha, and therefore better, stronger, and smarter spitted out at him. An inevitable diversion that only grew as they did.
It hurt to have a sibling, someone with the potential to be a friend and confidant for life, be so angry and hostile. And the feelings only seemed to intensify as they became of age. Jeongguk’s mere presence seeming to set his brother off into a one sided yelling match. The word omega often thrown at him like a slur, a word that seemed to burn his brother’s tongue to even utter.
Parental preference didn’t seem a likely blame. Their father never showed either of them love or care, just nodding resolutely when either of them did something he mildly approved of. And although Jeongguk loved his mother, he couldn’t say she was a constant presence of warmth either. She was always so enamored with making their father happy, which seemed like an impossible task, that attention for her children often fell by the wayside. But every once in a while, she would slip away from their father and spend time with Jeongguk. Read to him, braid his hair and as he grew up, whisper how pretty he was and how lucky any alpha would be to have him. The words always made Jeongguk blush and shake his head, the mere thought of having the attention of an alpha suitor making him feel shy.
As the years started to pass, his brother pulled away from them even more. Heated words exchanged with their father when he announced he would be leaving his royal duties for two years to attend warrior and combat training. Jeongguk had been secretly relieved to hear his brother was leaving, looking forward to not having to watch how he breathed in his own home. His own royal duties weren’t as heavy, his brother’s deemed more important because he was their father’s first born alpha son.
The years without his brother had flown by, Jeongguk feeling a semblance of peace for the first time in so long. He still got lonely sometimes, his parents insisting he be taught by a tutor in the confines of the castle with no one allowed close enough to become friends with. But the absence of his brother had been such a relief, that the loneliness could usually be fulfilled by his books and paintings.
But that reprieve could only last so long, Jeongguk’s brother returning after two years, bulked up and meaner than ever. Arguing with their father every day and throwing scornful jabs at their mother and Jeongguk. In hindsight, Jeongguk’s sure this new chapter of constant abuse should have been the first sign that something was very wrong. Maybe they had all been foolish to be so surprised at the events of that night. The seething words that his brother threw at them, an unexplainable rage that Jeongguk couldn’t have comprehended in any capacity.
He had been in the middle of wishing he was invisible when his brother’s eyes landed on him and narrowed menacingly. Jeongguk braced himself for hurt, unsure if it would be physical or mental. But instead, his brother had turned towards their parents.
“Abeoji,” he spat out in disgust.
“I would say king but that title doesn’t belong to you anymore,” he added, face twisting in mean pleasure at the words.
Jeongguk’s mother had gasped, their father standing abruptly from behind his desk. Jeongguk’s brother had immediately drawn his weapon, motioning for his new soldiers to do the same. Eyes wide with fury, their father made to reach for his own. But Jeongguk’s brother gave one menacing shake of his head, looking over at their mother pointedly and then back at their father. Their father lowered his hand slowly, eyes still not leaving his son’s.
“A rare wise decision,” his brother gloated.
The soldiers and guards around the room laughed, the raucous sound hurting Jeongguk’s ears.
“You may remain here in the castle as long as you stay out of my way and only use your sway when I need you to,” his brother said in a bored tone.
But then he had looked over at Jeongguk, face hardening again.
“You, on the other hand,” he started, voice filling with rage all over.
“I have no use for you and I don’t want you distracting my men with the only thing an unmated omega is good for.”
The vitriolic words had pierced through Jeongguk’s being, filling him with confusion and horror. A few snickers had flown around the room, his brother silencing them with a booming kick to the wooden desk.
“You will leave for the north tonight. The alpha warrior lord that inhabits the area has agreed to pay a handsome sum for you.”
The terror in Jeongguk’s body magnified, mind racing desperately in the hopes that he was misunderstanding his brother’s words.
“Pay?” he’d echoed in a choked whisper, looking over at his parents for help and receiving none.
“The one helpful thing you’ve done for me,” his brother retorted, putting his weapon away.
Jeongguk swallowed back the urge to scream, panic at levels he’d never felt before sinking in.
“Hyung, wait. N-no, please. I don’t- I won’t get in your way. I won’t tell anyone anything. I can’t g-go,” he’d stumbled out, coherent words vacating his mind as tears started to fall.
His brother had turned back towards him with violent eyes, stomping to a halt in front of him and grabbing a fistful of his hair.
“You’ll do as your king says without question!” he’d bellowed.
Pulling his hair roughly, he’d forcefully thrown Jeongguk onto the floor.
“Get him out of here. Round up staff to get his things. I don’t want any signs that he was ever here. And keep an eye on everyone at all times.”
Rough hands were on Jeongguk immediately, pulling him like a rag doll across the room as he tried to look back one more time at his mother. His eyes completely clouded over in tears when he saw she had already turned away to look at his father.
Once he’d been extracted from the room, he’d been yelled at to stand up. Jerked violently to his feet when he couldn’t make his body obey the command. Pushed carelessly through the castle hallways, they’d come to a stop in front of Jeongguk’s bedroom. The soldier who he had kicked in the head earlier stomped into the room and looked around with unconcealed disdain. Jeongguk’s skin had prickled unpleasantly at having an unwelcome alpha in his private space, the forcefulness of everything too much.
“Get started clearing all this garbage out while we wait for the house staff,” he’d barked out, kicking the travel trunks out of the corner loudly with his boot.
More soldiers had filed into Jeongguk’s room, starting to tear everything apart. It was terrible to watch as his most treasured items were handled with rough, mean hands. He’d tried to take a step back, to shield himself from the pain of watching when another soldier grunted and pushed him into the room that already didn’t feel like his anymore.
The familiar faces of staff had shown up minutes later, some of them with sadness over their faces and others hiding whatever their true emotions were. One staff member who had been with Jeongguk’s family since he was a child carefully picked up an emerald cape and started to fold it. She was met with an immediate reprimand, the cloth ripped from her hands and thrown into a trunk. She winced and started to throw things in as well, though Jeongguk noticed she was still as gentle as she could be without drawing attention. The tiny act of kindness made his tears sting harder down his cheeks.
And now, as he continues to watch from his isolated corner, his heart pounds in fear as he tries to think if there is any way out of this. If there is anyone that he can call upon for help. He knows almost immediately there isn’t anyone. A royal existence gifted at birth not a strong enough shield to protect him, apparently.
His red eyes land on his childhood stuffed bunny where it sits in the middle of his bed, blissfully unaware of everything happening around it. Something about watching one of the soldiers pick it up with a barely contained smirk makes him finally move. He runs over to the bed, leaning across it to quickly snatch the small bunny away from unwanted hands. He holds it close to his chest, backing away again when he’s treated with a threatening glare.
A scary numbness settles over him as he lets the corner swallow him again. He feels like within the blink of an eye, his former room is empty of all personality, only bare furniture remaining. The trunks are carried out, soldiers and house staff filing out after them.
It takes his grief stricken mind a moment to register only himself and the soldier who seems to have taken charge now remain in the room. When he does, he looks up fearfully and clutches his bunny’s soft fur tighter. Hoping with everything in him that the soldier doesn’t move any closer.
But of course it’s futile, the soldier looking around the empty room and then landing beady eyes back on Jeongguk. He starts to slowly close the space between them with a terrifying glint of something Jeongguk wants no part of in his eyes. Leaning in, the soldier’s gaze zeroes in on where Jeongguk’s sleeping clothes are torn. Bone deep dread enters Jeongguk’s body when he feels a brutish hand snake around him to land on his back.
“It’s a shame he decided not to keep you around. I wouldn’t have minded a couple of distractions,” the soldier sneers, hand lowering to press harder into Jeongguk’s lower back.
A disgust so deep it makes Jeongguk quiver. Before he can think better of it, his hand comes up to slap across the soldier's face. But the soldier is too fast. He stops Jeongguk’s movements quickly, hand closing around his wrist and starting to crush it. Jeongguk winces in pain, trying to pull away. He’s overpowered easily, his body forced closer to the soldiers by his wrist.
“You smell good when you’re scared,” the soldier leers, leaning in closer to inhale deeply at Jeongguk’s neck.
In contrast, the soldier’s scent makes Jeongguk want to gag. A harsh sob lobs in his throat, too scared to actually make much of a sound. He wants to close his eyes and make the ugly face of the soldier disappear but doesn't want to risk opening them to an even worse sight.
“P-please. Stop,” he whispers out, voice shaking with fear.
“Stop?” the soldier repeats in a mocking tone.
“I think you’ve forgotten you no longer have any authority,” he adds with a taunting sneer.
He yanks Jeongguk’s wrist, Jeongguk crying out when he feels a horrible tear under his skin. He feels like he’s on the verge of passing out, more from the fear than the pain. Heart much too erratic for what must be okay for his body to sustain. To his horror, the soldier’s hand starts to move even lower.
“The carriage is ready-” a voice announces, stopping short when it enters the room.
The sneer turns into a frown of annoyance. To Jeongguk’s intense relief, the soldier takes a step back from him.
“Fine,” he snaps at the other soldier that’s now watching them with unsure eyes.
“Probably would have been a waste, anyway,” he spits out, throwing Jeongguk’s wrist down.
Pain shoots up Jeongguk’s forearm at the movement, a fresh wave of tears seeping out. He’s yelled at loudly to follow, more soldiers surrounding him as they leave the room. Not leaving any space to even entertain the thought of making a run for it as they trudge down to the extravagant entryway of the castle. The soldier next to him grabs his shoulder and directs him out the open main doors and down the stairs, Jeongguk stumbling barefoot over the uneven surface.
He’s shoved into the open door of the carriage, door slammed immediately behind him. A finality of his previous life really starting to sink in as he stares up with swollen eyes at the only place he’s ever known as home. He glances over apprehensively at the huddle of soldiers, snickering and looking over their shoulders at him. He looks away quickly, their gaze on him making him feel sick to his stomach.
He stares down at his hands, wrist already swelling and turning an angry red. His tears fall in droplets onto his skin, clear beads that cling to him. He sniffles at them, relating to their fragility. The loud crunch of gravel greets his ears and he tenses, still too scared to look and make unwanted eye contact.
The carriage rocks as someone climbs up to the driver’s box, making his tears burst like broken snow globes. In the time it takes him to take a deep breath, the carriage starts to move. To pull him completely away from his life. The urge to look at his family’s castle one more time enters but leaves quickly. It’s too pointless. Everything too stained with what’s just happened, crimson blurs that will bleed everywhere until the previous color no longer exists.
Numbness starts to set in again as his body sways with the carriage, lulling his senses. He doesn’t even know how much time has passed before he finally looks out the carriage windows. He can tell they’re already far from the castle, the road and its surroundings unfamiliar. It makes his heart sink impossibly lower, a wave of loneliness so intense he shivers.
He glances at his only companions, the two trunks that sit on the seat across from him. Scared to make too much movement, he leans forward slowly and carefully clicks the lid of the top one open. His eyes well with tears immediately when he sees his favorite robe on top, a few small loaves of bread and three apples tucked in the middle.
His own fear is set aside when he thinks about how scared the house staff must have been, shocked awake to anger and violence just like him. A sad sorrow fills his being for them, this one final act of kindness making his heart ache.
Putting the food into the pockets, he pulls the robe around himself. The weight of it providing a small wisp of comfort. It’s enough to remind him how exhausted he is, body and mind forcefully overwhelmed. But the thought of closing his eyes is terrifying, partly due to fear of what he might wake to and partly due to the alpha soldier that he knows is mere units away. The memory of the other alpha’s hands on him makes the sickly taste of bile rise up in his throat. The taste and thought of being sick makes him panic and he tries to force it down. The last thing he needs right now is to feel the humiliation of vomiting. Trying hard, he manages a few haggard breaths of already stale carriage air. Somehow, it’s enough to squash the sick back down, a pathetic splinter of relief washing through him.
Falling back into his seat, he watches the scenery pass by with unseeing eyes. Shrinking further into his robe, he cries softly into the fur lining. Time starts to really take on no meaning as his mind betrays him over and over again by replaying everything that’s happened. He shivers, both at the horrid memories and at the descending temperature of the carriage as they move further north. He wraps his robe more tightly around himself, starting to break off small pieces of bread to nibble on.
His eyes start to feel heavier and heavier but he keeps pinching himself harshly, needing to stay awake. Snowflakes start to appear outside the carriage window, providing a small distraction as he watches them twirl and dance away. The white is pretty, soft looking even though they are the cause of the cold currently making its way through his body.
Even though the sun has now risen, the snow still gives everything an almost moonlit quality. His mind doesn’t register what his eyes are seeing at first but then they focus. A faraway structure that is slowly getting closer and closer. A new dread starts to creep up, yet another jarring image that this really is his new reality. He sighs shakily, wishing the carriage would move slower so he could have more time. He’s not ready to find out who, or what, awaits him in this intimidating new place that he’s been forced to.
He thinks back to what his brother had said. An alpha warrior lord. The three words alone send unsettling apprehension down his spine. He’s only known his family’s soldiers, unfamiliar with the warriors that tended to inhabit the lands further away from civilization. What would the residence of a warrior lord be like? The thought that he’s about to find out makes his stomach upset with nerves.
Watching with wide eyes, the grounds of the large edifice come into clearer view. The building itself is big, not the size of Jeongguk’s family castle but still grand. Cedar trees surround the grounds, dusted with a sugar white layer of snow. Shrubs with red berries line the pathway that the carriage starts down on, the crimson an almost startling pop of color in the white swath everything else is enveloped in. Jeongguk thinks he would find them interesting and almost pretty if he wasn’t so deeply nervous.
Closer and closer. Before Jeongguk can ever be ready, the carriage comes to a stop at the foot of the stairs that lead to the main doors of the estate. He starts to shake, fear washing over him with a chill that feels colder than the temperatures. He hears the alpha soldier jump down from the driver’s box, mumbling irritably into the quiet cold. His heavy boots crunch loudly into the soft snow as he approaches the door to the carriage. Jeongguk leans away, not wanting any interactions even though they are inevitable.
“Out,” the soldier barks, pulling the door open harshly.
Jeongguk swallows back the want to start crying again, forcing his body to follow the order for fear of being commanded with more than just words. His bare feet sink into the icy snow, immediately sending his body into shivers. His trunks are thrown out after him, the ornate carvings on the lids looking strange and haphazard outside in the snow.
The soldier grumbles again and starts to stomp up the brick steps. Jeongguk watches in frightened confusion, not knowing if he’s meant to follow. Looking around, he realizes he doesn’t have much choice. He makes his way slowly up the stairs, more snow crunching between his bare toes. He feels like he’s walking to his own death, a future too grim to bear surely the only thing that awaits him.
The soldier gives the metal door knocker a few hard bangs, cursing at how cold it is. He throws a mean frown back at Jeongguk, like he’s the one who made him journey through the snow for hours.
They wait for a moment that feels like hours before the doors open. Someone who looks to be a house staff peers out, eyes roaming curiously over the both of them. Gaze lingering on Jeongguk and brows creasing. It makes Jeongguk feel ashamed, small and unwanted and improper. His eyes drop to his red feet, now numb with the cold.
“Your lord’s purchase is here,” the soldier announces, motioning towards Jeongguk.
Purchase. The word makes Jeongguk want to throw up again. He bites his tongue hard, trying hard not to make any noise. There’s a quiet pause that makes more anxiety build in Jeongguk’s chest. What if after all that’s been done, he’s turned away? Not even good enough to be someone’s procurement. An orphaned soul tossed back and forth as everyone raises their noses at him and looks away. But before he can spiral more, he hears the shuffle of the doors opening wider.
“Very well. Please come inside,” the staff says.
Jeongguk’s head snaps up in surprise. He can’t say it’s relief that fills him but it still counts as something to know that he won’t be sent back to his brother and his brother’s soldiers. He trembles to think what would be done with him if that were to happen.
He’s about to take a step forward when he realizes the soldier is shaking his head. He freezes, fearful confusion starting up again.
“I will bring the trunks in and take my leave,” the soldier says shortly.
“Very well,” the staff repeats, the words the same but the tone taking on a slight edge.
The soldier starts to stomp back down the stairs, leaving Jeongguk to look around unsurely. He glances at the staff, feeling stupid and burdensome already.
“Please,” the staff says, motioning inside.
Jeongguk can already feel how much warmer it is, the warmth feeling like it’s starting to wrap around him. He swallows nervously and nods, taking one step and then another. He steps out of the snow and into the building. He wants to look around the space but is too scared, worried at what is and isn’t allowed to do.
“You’re earlier than we were expecting. You must have traveled all night.”
Jeongguk blinks, sure the words are not for him. But when he looks around and sees no one else, he focuses on the staff in surprise.
“I-I’m sorry. I…yes, all night,” he replies shakily, words feeling clunky and dumb on his tongue.
Before the staff can reply, the loud steps of his brother’s soldier greets their ears. He leans over to drop the trunks heavily inside, one stacked on top of the other. He shakes snow from his hands and glances at Jeongguk one more time with slitted eyes. He opens his mouth to say something and Jeongguk flinches, every word that’s been recently spoken to him nothing short of awful. But then the soldier looks over at the staff and closes his mouth. He gives a curt nod and turns to leave, Jeongguk grateful to be relieved of his stare.
As soon as he’s outside, the staff closes the large double doors behind him. A quietness envelopes them, the rushing sound of the winter wind cutting out. Slowly, Jeongguk lets out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding. He’s still scared but seeing the last being of his past life leave is a tiny respite that he will take. Because even though he’s still afraid of what sort of experiences await him, at least he knows it won’t be at the hands of his brother or people who are so blindly willing to do his brother’s bidding. His brother no longer has control over him. And that’s something that Jeongguk will let be a comfort.
“You must be tired. I will show you to your room,” the staff speaks up after a moment, still regarding him with controlled concern.
Jeongguk’s eyes widen in surprise.
“R-room?” he whispers out.
The staff nods.
“Of course. Did you think you would be thrown in the basement?”
Jeongguk hesitates, unable to tell if the question is a joke or a serious inquiry. Also unable to lie and pretend that he didn’t think it was an impossibility something like that might happen. His hesitation along with a glance over what he’s sure must be a bruised face seems to give the staff their answer. Their eyes seem to soften a bit and they turn to walk deeper into the large house.
“Follow me.”
Jeongguk hurries to comply, scared to lose any privileges he’s been given. Falling in step behind the staff, he chances a few curious looks around. They walk through the entryway, moving deeper into the large residence. Doorways lead off to more rooms on the floor they are on but the main attraction is definitely the big, green granite staircase. Jeongguk peers down at the dark emerald color as his foot hits the first step, a bit taken aback at what a statement the color makes. The granite feels so smooth under his feet, like he could slip right off he wasn’t careful.
“I will have your trunks delivered to your room,” the staff says, breaking the almost eerie silence of the house.
Jeongguk looks up at their back, surprised to be addressed again.
“T-thank you,” he murmurs out, even his whispers sounding too loud in the quiet space.
They reach the landing and Jeongguk doesn’t have time to look around more before the staff takes a left and starts to lead them down a long hallway lined with an ornate black and gold runner. The plushness of it feels nice under Jeongguk’s toes and he tries not to linger, scared of losing the only person he’s seen in the house thus far. The staff stops at the last door at the end of the hallway, turning to wait while Jeongguk hurries to cover the steps he had fallen behind on.
“Here we are,” the staff announces as they take a key from their pocket and unlock the door.
The door slowly swings in, revealing a peek into a bedroom. The staff steps aside, motioning Jeongguk in. Feeling unsure, Jeongguk starts to step inside. His eyes dart around quickly, making sure no one is inside waiting to ambush him. When he sees no one, his shoulders relax slightly and his gaze zeroes in on what the room does hold.
The room isn’t as big as his previous one but also isn’t noticeably small. There’s a bed, a desk with a chair and a dresser with a large mirror over it but other than that, the rest of the room remains void of any personality. There’s a staleness to the air that makes Jeongguk wonder if anyone has even inhabited the room before him. His eyes catch on the window, swirls of white floating by and painting the view a pearly frost. He starts to get lost in the pirouetting flakes when the staff clears their throat, reminding him that he is not yet alone. He turns quickly to face the staff again, looking down in apology.
“The washroom is the door on the left,” the staff informs him, nodding to the side.
“Okay, thank you,” Jeongguk whispers.
A moment of silence falls over them as the staff looks over Jeongguk’s face again, that same look of what he thinks is concern falling over their features when they focus on his right eye. Jeongguk waits anxiously, sure they are going to ask a question that he doesn’t know how to answer. But their gaze falls after a moment to look at the key in their hand. They tilt their head, eyes squinting in thought. When they look back up, they hold the key up for Jeongguk to see.
“I wasn’t instructed to give this to you. But…I also wasn’t instructed not to,” they say slowly.
Jeongguk’s eyes widen, fear that this might be a trick or a test that he has no idea how to pass. He doesn’t say anything, waiting for some sort of cue from the staff. He feels welded to the floor, unable to move. Scared that any wrong choice might be what sends him back into the cold, desperately alone and without anything to his name.
The staff, sensing his nerves, gives a small hum. They move to set the key on the dresser, walking back to the doorway.
“I will leave you to get settled in,” the staff says, giving a small bow of their head as they shut the door behind them.
The bow reminds Jeongguk of the royal title he used to be addressed with that he supposes is completely in the past now. He can’t say he had much sway in a lineage that included his father and brother but it still hurts to know he has been stripped of it all unwillingly.
The room remains in silence until Jeongguk finally lets out a shaky breath. Swallowing, he looks around the space again, a wave of infinite loneliness washing over him as he stares at the stark, white sheets on the bed that mirror the blankets of cold snow outside.
Walking quietly over to the window, he looks out at the pale grounds. So different from the view that he used to have of one of the castle gardens. A contrast almost cruel in how intense it is. A literal drain of color from his life. The thought makes a new ache of complete isolation thrum through him. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment and counts to ten. Opening them, the image that greets him is still the cold downfall of snow. So that’s that. This is real. This is really his new life, if it can even be called that.
A sudden hit of exhaustion overtakes him, the mental and physical anguish too much. Sniffling, he turns to the dresser and grabs the key. He clumsily locks the door and then moves back over to the bed. Before he can catch himself, his body sinks down to the mattress. So extremely heavy with the weight of loss, pain and exhaustion. Warm tears start to spill down his cheeks, small sobs escaping his lips even as he tries to keep them in.
His vision clouds over until he can’t see at all, lungs starting to hurt with how hard he’s crying. He shifts his head to cry into the pillow, an unpleasant pounding starting to join in with everything. He doesn’t know how long he cries for. The past few days a strange limbo of time. But somehow, he finally manages to completely shut his eyes. An anxious sleep eventually falling over him.