Chapter Text
“I got a letter from Ushiwaka.”
“Ushijima sent you a Valentine’s letter?” Iwaizumi asked, face scrunching up as he picked a heart-shaped card off his bacon. It was singing ‘A Cauldron Full of Hot Strong Love’ in a high-pitched warble. “I’m going to burn this.”
“Don’t you dare!” Tooru said, reaching across the table over his mountain of gifts and cards to snatch the letter away. He wedged it between an enormous jar of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans and the bright pink box of Chocolate Cauldrons the card had come with to muffle the singing. “You’re just jealous because nobody sent you any Valentine’s presents, Iwa. It’s not my fault you’re so ugly.”
“Do you want to die?”
Uh oh. Iwaizume was flexing his arm like he was getting ready whack a Bludger. Tooru held out the pink box of Chocolate Cauldrons as a peace offering before his friend could decide to hit him. “Want some?”
“I’m not touching those,” Iwaizumi said, death glare muting to a scowl.
“Are you sure? This will probably be the only chance in your life to taste Valentine’s chocolates.”
Tooru jerked the box up to shield his face as Iwaizumi swung his fist. The lid came off and Chocolate Cauldrons went flying, rocketing off plates, into their food and onto the floor. One plopped into Tooru’s pumpkin juice (“Goal,” fellow Chaser Hanamaki deadpanned beside him). Another hit a fourth year girl in the face. At the staff table, Professor Washijou turned to glare at them and both boys ducked their heads, Iwaizumi apologising profusely to the startled girl who had been struck.
“Such a brute, Iwa,” Tooru said, sighing mournfully at his crumpled gift, now empty of chocolate.
“Shut up,” Iwaizumi muttered, red with embarrassment. “What did Ushijima’s love letter say?”
“It’s not a love letter. Gross. I don’t think Ushiwaka recognises non-Quidditch related events. It says …” Tooru cast aside the empty box to unroll the parchment Ushijima had sent. “Ugh. ‘You should have come to Durmstrang.’” He scrunched up the letter and set it on fire with his wand. “I hope he gets hit in the face with a Bludger.”
“I heard he made reserve for the national team,” Iwaizumi said, tossing Tooru’s glass of pumpkin juice at the burning letter. It fell in a soggy black heap onto Tooru’s plate of eggs.
“Good thing I just lost my appetite.”
Pushing away his plate, Tooru started reading his Valentine’s cards to cheer himself up. Valentine’s Day was his favourite holiday. Not even Ushiwaka could ruin it for him. Since leading the Slytherin Quidditch team to win the House Cup last season in his first year as captain, his popularity had more than doubled. He’d even had some Gryffindor girls come up to praise his flying after he’d thrashed their own team in November.
“Hey, don’t eat that, dumbass,” Iwaizumi said.
Tooru looked at the Chocolate Cauldron he’d fished out of the toast basket. There was a bit of jam on it, but otherwise it looked fine. “Why not?”
“You don’t know what’s in there!”
“You think my fans would try to poison me?” Tooru laughed.
“How d’you know it’s really from a fan?” Iwaizumi said darkly.
“Ravenclaw game is next week,” Matsukawa, their Keeper, added.
They all turned to look at the Ravenclaw table. Their Quidditch captain, Tetsurou Kuroo, was dozing off over his cornflakes, despite his teammates causing a ruckus teasing their freakishly tall new Chaser, apparently for having received a Valentine’s gift. The only one who seemed to notice half the Slytherin team eyeing them suspiciously was Kenma Kozume, who lifted his Arithmancy textbook to hide his face.
“Their Seeker is looking shifty,” Hanamaki said.
“Kozume always looks like that,” Tooru said, and bit into the jammy Chocolate Cauldron.
“Dumbass!” Iwaizumi jerked like he was going to try punch Tooru again, but after a glance at the nervous fourth year he’d struck in the face, he shoved his fists under the table instead.
“It’s not poisoned, Iwa.”
“Hey, looks like a spot’s about to open up on the team, Yahaba,” Hanamaki called down the Slytherin table. The fifth year in question looked between them dubiously before returning to his toast, apparently deciding it best not to get involved.
“Dibs on not calling Washijou if he chokes,” Matsukawa said. Washijou was the Potions professor, and also their head of house. “That man scares me.”
“Yahaba can do it. Team initiation.”
“I’m perfectly fine, guys,” Tooru sulked. “Thanks for caring.”
“Pity,” Iwaizumi grumbled and stabbed his bacon with a fork.
But for the rest of the meal he kept glancing at Tooru as if waiting for him to turn purple or break out in antlers. Tooru determinedly ignored him for his letters, humming along to ‘A Cauldron Full of Hot Strong Love’ until Hanamaki and Matsukawa left for Divinations, with a parting, “Don’t die, Captain. At least not until after the Ravenclaw game.”
“Put that crap away. We’re going to be late for Charms,” Iwaizumi said, but he made no move to leave without Tooru. He just slung his bag onto his lap and picked a stray Chocolate Cauldron out of the scone basket to sniff it cautiously.
“If the Ravenclaws were going to poison me, I’d have dropped dead by now,” Tooru said, as he shoved all his letters and gifts into his bag with the help of an expansion charm.
“I was thinking more along the lines of a crazy fangirl trying to drug you with a love potion.”
“You can’t blame them. Who wouldn’t do anything for a night with me?”
“Anyone who’s spent more than five minutes talking to you, probably. You have a seriously shitty personality, you know that?”
Iwaizumi shoved the Chocolate Cauldron into his mouth and got up from his seat. By now, the Great Hall was nearly empty. Tooru buckled his bulging bag with some difficulty and hurried after his friend.
They had barely made it to the first-floor staircase when Iwaizumi began to slow. Tooru tried to overtake him with a teasing, “Tired already? Maybe we should up your training,” but Iwaizumi grabbed his wrist and pulled him to a halt. For a moment, Tooru thought he was about to step on a trick stair, or that Iwaizumi had spotted Peeves the poltergeist, but when he turned to ask, Iwaizumi was staring at him with a weirdly intense expression.
“Tooru, I need to tell you something.”
Tooru blinked. They hadn’t called each other by their first names since they were Sorted. It wasn’t the Slytherin way. Which meant it had to be serious, even if it was entirely out of nowhere. Iwaizumi hadn’t seemed to have anything on his mind at breakfast. Besides plots on Tooru’s life, anyway. “Right now? We’re going to be late for class.”
“I don’t care about class.”
“Um. Okay?” Tooru tried to pull his arm free to look at his watch, but the grip on his wrist just tightened, so he had to settle for twisting it uncomfortably to read the time. “You’ve got - shit. One minute.”
“I love you, Tooru.”
Tooru froze. “What?”
“I love you,” Iwaizumi repeated.
Tooru gaped at him for a moment before he caught the joke. He laughed weakly. “The love-potion-spiked chocolate, right? Funny. Come on, we’re already late.”
“I’m not joking!” Iwaizumi growled, pushing Tooru against the staircase wall. “I’ve always loved you. I even begged the Sorting Hat to put me in Slytherin, because I knew you’d be there. I want to be with you forever.”
Tooru just stared, waiting for his friend to start laughing, to punch him and call him an idiot for falling for his joke. But Iwaizumi didn’t laugh. His lips didn’t even twitch. His cheeks were a little flushed, but he met Tooru’s gaze without blinking. He was serious. Except …
Except Iwaizumi would never say something like that. Not here. Not to Tooru. Not even as a joke.
“Wait. Is this really the chocolate?” Tooru asked. “Somebody put something in the Chocolate Cauldrons?”
A love potion. It had to be. He just couldn’t figure out why. The chocolates had been sent to Tooru. His name had been on the singing card. Why would anybody put something in them to make Tooru fall in love with himself? Love potions didn’t work that way. After all, he’d eaten one himself and he didn’t feel any surge of delusional love, for himself or anybody else. Or was this a prank intended to play out exactly like this? Was somebody trying to embarrass him, jealous of his popularity with all the girls?
But nobody could have known that Tooru would share the chocolates. If they’d wanted that, wouldn’t it make more sense to send them directly to Iwaizumi?
“It’s not the chocolate!” Iwaizumi said, grabbing Tooru by the shoulders. “I really love you!”
“Okay, okay. Calm down, Iwa.”
Why didn’t matter right now. What now was much more important. If Iwaizumi had ingested a love potion, he wasn’t going to listen to reason. But how long would this last? Should Tooru take him to the dormitory and let him wait it out? Or -
Iwaizumi’s hands slipped from Tooru’s shoulders to his neck, his thumbs brushing along his jaw.
“Tooru,” he whispered, leaning forward, breath puffing against Tooru’s lips.
“W-wait,” Tooru said. He grabbed his friend’s hands and pulled them away, turning his face to the side. “Stop.”
“Do you hate me? You think I’m disgusting, right?” Iwaizumi said, dropping his eyes for the first time since he’d stopped Tooru. He took a step backwards, curling his hands into fists as if to stop himself from touching Tooru again, but he looked so hurt, so ashamed, that Tooru faltered for a second.
Not good. As a handsome Quidditch star, Tooru had some experience with deluded, love-struck fans. He knew that there was nothing more volatile than scorned love. He also knew exactly how to be charming without leading a girl on.
“I don’t hate you. I just don’t think we should do this here. Someone might see us,” Tooru said, holding out his hand with a smile. Iwaizumi clutched it immediately, looking so hopeful that Tooru felt a little embarrassed. “Let’s go somewhere a little more private.”
Well. Iwaizumi would forgive him for leading him on a little. Later.
By now classes had started, and they didn’t meet anyone on their way down to the dungeons. Thank Merlin. Tooru dreaded to think how they were going to explain missing class to the Charms professor. With their next Quidditch match coming up so soon, neither of them could afford detention.
“What are we doing here?” Iwaizumi asked.
“Um.” Tooru knocked on Washijou’s door, trying to think of an excuse for visiting the Potions professor and came up blank. Maybe he should have taken Iwaizumi to their dormitory instead. Only, the potion could take hours to wear off by itself, and Tooru didn’t want to think about what Iwaizumi might say or do in the meantime while confined in their bedroom alone together. “This will only take a minute.”
It didn’t only take a minute. Washijou wasn’t in his office. Either he was still at breakfast, or he had a class now. Tooru really, really hoped it was the former, because Iwaizumi was already getting impatient, and Tooru didn’t think he was going to wait quietly for an hour. Already he was edging closer, brushing his thumb over Tooru’s knuckles where they still held hands. Tooru cursed his professor. Wasn’t a head of house supposed to be there when his students needed him? Tooru was going to lodge an official complaint with the headmaster when this was over.
“Tooru,” Iwaizumi said softly, raising his free hand to touch Tooru’s cheek. “Is this private enough?”
Tooru couldn’t help but laugh as he pulled his hand out of Iwaizumi’s grip to push him away. The corridor wasn’t particularly wide. Even with both their backs against the walls, they were only an arm’s length apart. But it didn’t matter. Now that he’d had a little time to get over his surprise, he was starting to realise how funny the situation was. It wasn’t as if he were afraid of Iwaizumi. He trusted his best friend not to do anything Tooru didn’t want, even under the influence of a love potion. And, well, if Iwaizumi turned out to be an aggressive lover - he almost snorted with laughter at the thought - a quick stunning spell would take care of him.
Now that he thought about it, he didn’t actually know what kind of lover Iwaizumi was. He’d never even seen him with a crush or a girlfriend, and he didn’t seem to mind that Tooru got all the attention from the girls. As far as he knew, the only thing Iwaizumi really loved was flying. Just like Tooru.
“Hey, Iwa. What kind of girl do you like?”
“I don’t like girls. I love you.”
“Do you like guys, then?”
“I love you.”
In the flickering light of the dungeon torches, leaning against the wall with his unwavering gaze meeting Tooru’s, Iwaizumi looked … Not like a childhood friend. He looked like somebody you’d want to take to bed. Or against a dungeon wall.
If Iwaizumi ever confessed his love to someone for real, he should do it like this.
“What do you love about me?” Tooru asked with a grin.
“Everything.”
“You’re so boring, Iwa! What are my best qualities? Don’t be shy.”
“You’re charming, and smart, and passionate. You’re the perfect Slytherin. You’re ambitious, and you work harder than anybody I know, and even when things get hard you never give up,” Iwaizumi said, taking a step closer to put his hand on Tooru’s shoulder and stroke his thumb across the skin of his neck above his collar.
“Hey, Tooru.” Iwaizumi took another step. “Can I kiss you?”
His voice was deep, and soft, and nothing like a childhood friend’s. Somehow, he’d got so close that his nose brushed against Tooru’s neck, against his ear. He pressed his lips to Tooru’s neck, just below the edge of his jaw and Tooru shivered.
“I didn’t say yes!” Tooru shoved him away. He felt suddenly very self-aware, of his skin where he’d been touched, of his unsteady hands, of the space between them. Of Iwaizumi, already reaching out a hand towards him again.
“I’m sorry, Tooru. Please don’t be angry.”
“Just stand over there, Iwaizumi. Don’t touch me.”
“Please don’t hate me.”
For a split second, Tooru was hit with the urge to strike Iwaizumi. Not for trying to kiss him, or touch him, or for saying that he was in love with him. He just couldn’t stand that pathetic, desperate look on his best friend’s face. Iwaizumi didn’t make expressions like that. This wasn’t Iwaizumi. And for a moment Tooru wanted to hurt this imposter.
But at the same time, it was Iwaizumi. Tooru wasn’t going to hurt him. This wasn’t Iwaizumi’s fault.
“Tooru, please. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have - I know I’m not good enough for you. I wasn’t going to say anything. But I just love you so much.”
Tooru clenched his fists at his sides and looked away, jaw clenched to stop himself from saying something hurtful. In the silence, he could hear the faint strains of ‘A Cauldron Full of Hot Strong Love’ coming from his bag. This wasn’t fun anymore. It wasn’t funny.
“Why aren’t you two in class?”
Tooru spun round to see Washijou coming towards them with a scowl on his face.
“Professor! Thank Merlin you’re here! Iwaizumi’s trying to molest me,” Tooru cried, relief washing over his uneasiness. “I think somebody spiked my chocolates with love potion.”
Washijou cursed, glancing from Tooru to Iwaizumi, who was staring at his best friend with an expression of distress. “Bloody Valentine’s Day. There’s always one. Well, come inside, then. Hurry up.”
“What are we doing here?” Iwaizumi asked anxiously, hesitating in the corridor.
“You’re just going to have something nice to drink,” Tooru said.
“Why?”
“Because I want you to. You want to make me happy, right?”
“Yeah, always. Are you still angry with me?”
“Come inside, Iwa,” Tooru said, and held out his hand. Iwaizumi took it immediately, and let himself be led inside. Tooru glanced at Washijou, feeling his cheeks heat with embarrassment, but the Potions master had his back to them, already gathering ingredients for an antidote from his store cupboard.
“Have a seat,” Washijou said over his shoulder.
Tooru led Iwaizumi to the two chairs in front of Washijou’s office desk and they both sat. Iwaizumi tightened his grip, like he was afraid Tooru was going to let his hand go, so he allowed his best friend to pull their hands into his lap.
“Professor, I don’t understand why this happened. Why is Iwaizumi in love with me?”
Tooru explained what had happened as Washijou turned around to mix the antidote at his desk. The professor grunted and replied, “A love potion works best with a piece of the person you want the victim to fall in love with, and a piece of the victim, to make sure the potion only affects them. My guess is that whichever idiot tried to drug you, Oikawa, forgot to add their own hair. I assume there was no name on the gift?”
“No, sir.”
“You shouldn’t eat anything if you don’t know where it comes from.”
“That’s what Iwa said,” Tooru muttered guiltily, glancing at his best friend, who was staring morosely at their hands in his lap. Obviously he was still upset about making Tooru angry. The guilt intensified. Tooru hated to end this debacle on such a sour note.
“Well, here you go, Iwaizumi,” Washijou said, holding out a small crystal flask. “Drink up.”
“Professor, wait!” Tooru said. “I need to ask Iwa something. It’s important.”
Washijou looked impatient, but he set the flask down on the desk with a clack and jerked his head for Tooru to go ahead.
Tooru turned to his best friend. “Iwa, who’s more attractive? Me or Kiyoko Shimizu?”
Washijou snorted and turned to put away his potions ingredients.
Iwaizumi frowned. “Who?”
“Really? She’s in our Charms class, Iwa. That pretty Gryffindor girl.”
“You, of course.”
“Okay, what about …” Who did girls find attractive, besides Tooru? “What about me and Keiji Akaashi? Who’s more attractive?”
“You,” Iwaizumi said. Of course he recognised the Hufflepuff Chaser’s name. Did he really think about nothing but Quidditch? “It’s always you. You’re the most attractive person in the school.”
Hah! Internally, Tooru crowed with triumph. He was never going to let Iwaizumi live this down!
Good mood restored, Tooru took the flask from the desk and handed it to Iwaizumi. “Drink this, Iwa.”
“What is it?”
“Something that will make me love you more.”
Iwaizumi snatched the antidote out of Tooru’s hand so fast it almost spilled, and drank it in one long gulp. Both Tooru and Professor Washijou watched him, but Iwaizumi didn’t move. He just stared at the flask in his hand, face blank, until Tooru leant forward and asked, “So, do you still think I’m the most attractive person in the school?”
Iwaizumi let go of Tooru’s hand like he’d been burnt and shot to his feet, stumbling away.
“I-I-” He cleared his throat. “Thank you, Professor. I’m sorry for-” He glanced towards Tooru, but his eyes skittered away immediately. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”
“You can thank me by winning the Ravenclaw game next week,” Washijou grumbled. “Now get to class.”
“Yes, sir. Thanks for - ah, Iwa, wait!” Tooru called, but Iwaizumi was already out the door. “Sorry, Professor, I have to …”
He caught up to Iwaizumi halfway down the corridor, and had to grab his wrist to make him stop. “Just wait, Iwa.”
“Haven’t you had enough yet?” Iwaizumi demanded, jerking his arm free. His face was bright red, and he still couldn’t meet Tooru’s eyes.
“Calm down. I was the one being sexually harrassed here, you know,” Tooru joked. If anything, Iwaizumi only looked more mortified, but Tooru plowed on, determined to lighten the mood. He’d let Iwaizumi hit him, and then he’d feel better, and everything would go back to normal. “Don’t worry, I’ll only tease you about this for the rest of our lives. You can’t even be mean to me anymore, now that I know you secretly think I’m perfect and that you chose Slytherin just to be with me.”
Iwaizumi was shaking. This was it. Tooru braced himself for the punch.
“You’re such a fucking asshole.”
“But you love me, right?” Tooru teased.
For the first time since he’d drunk the antidote, Iwaizumi met Tooru’s eyes, so he could see exactly how serious his best friend was when he said, “Stay away from me, Oikawa. I’m not joking. If you talk to me again, I’ll quit the Quidditch team.”