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The lake was a remnant of run-off that once stemmed from the Naka River. It was relatively small and in the daytime sparkled a brilliant turquoise, while by night it appeared the color of Nachiguru stone. Amidst densely packed pillars of bark was a proportionally small beach with soft, darkened sand that didn't stick to one's feet after crossing it.
The forest hummed in waiting, bugs chittering amidst the foliage, free to roam without the hindrance of now sleeping birds. The night was alive and gave independent reasons for the men to find each other in the clearing, whether on purpose or merely by coincidence.
The 7th Hokage was older now; his frame taller and wider, his hair a little longer, falling flatter over his now sharpened features. The black-haired man watched the thick chords of muscle in the blonde’s back lengthen and shorten as he lifted his shirt over his head.
Sasuke had always felt closer to the past. All the different things and people he’d met―people who, despite his unwillingness to connect with others, he felt for a time had grown closer to him. He always felt closer to the culmination of choices and memories that placed him where he was now, rather than the present he was living in. He felt this more with Naruto than anyone else. Recognizing on his bare, tanned back, scars he had seen him receive as a kid. Scars that he was sure he put on the man himself.
It was foolish to live in the past, thinking of what they were and what they could have been. Naruto had a family now, and so did he. On the surface, they both apparently moved on with their lives. Nonetheless, Sasuke felt stuck, alone in a mirage that time had created and left him behind in.
All stories went like this. It was always going to end up like this. There was no way that his life could have been mapped out any differently. Too many demands of what they were, lasting looks, and explanations of friendship had left Sasuke with nothing to do other than watch on the outskirts of their village as Naruto married a woman he barely knew. Maybe they knew each other well. Sasuke never liked to think about it.
Now Naruto had children, and so did he. The blonde truly loved his family and deeply cared for them. He had them now. And from time to time, Sasuke wondered what could have been if Naruto hadn’t found them. Would he still be as obsessed with him as he once was? He figured that wasn’t the case, and was always struck with a subtle sense of guilt for silently speculating that the family that made Naruto so fulfilled be taken away from the man and replaced with him.
Yet he also didn’t feel it was wrong to wish that maybe they could have settled down together rather than apart. But in this world, that wasn’t the case. There was nothing that could be done to change that, only to accept their detachment and move through with the fact that they simply couldn't be as close as they were those many years ago.
It wasn’t like Sasuke didn’t have a family of his own. His wife had always loved him, and he had always had some level of superficial attraction to her. But it wasn’t like he truly had his family. He didn’t truly have Sakura, or even his daughter, although he could safely say he loved her very much. The love he had for either of them was distant from his heart.
How could he love them? When his heart was already conditioned to flailing for something that had already been lost from him long ago: something that he had been fooled into believing existed in the first place. But here they were, in the clearing, together. The same clearing where they had met a few times many years earlier.
Naruto was unaware of the solemn reflections running through his head and did not let as many grave thoughts cross his brightened face. He smiled at the luck of coincidentally, against all odds, meeting with his greatest friend.
"I didn't realize you still came by here," he said to Sasuke as he began to undo the fastening of his pants, staring into the dark water that gleamed similarly to his glad expression.
“I don't.” Sasuke watched him kick his pants into the heap of his other clothes.
"Change of pace?" Naruto was already wading into the lake, waist-deep into the dark water that made his sun-touched skin stand out in the dark.
"Yeah, you could say that... After all, nightswimming deserves a quiet night,” the dark-haired man said.
Naruto turned to look at him like he had more to say, but only grinned as he watched Sasuke follow suit, removing the majority of his coverage methodically.
With age, Sasuke had mellowed just as he had grown more serious, losing the more extreme aspects of his personality. But Naruto still had the expression of the sun, bright and unyielding.
He had dunked his head under the lake, disappearing for a moment before he came up for a large gasp of air, having swam deeper towards the center of the lake. Sasuke's eyes rarely left him. He only looked away to hide the small upwards curvature of his lips when Naruto’s hair ended up clinging to his face like a wet cat’s fur.
They swam in silence.
The blonde occasionally opened his mouth to speak, likely about the town or the mishaps and fortunes of his job, but it always fell shut.
“You know, you could talk to me if you’d like.”
“Why would I, you said you liked swimming in silence,” Naruto spoke with a naive smile, and Sasuke chose not to correct him blatantly.
“I said it’s the kind of quiet night to swim, that’s all,” Sasuke understated.
“Hah- I could get behind that.”
The dark-haired man watched a bead of water drip down the blonde’s neck, and chose not to mention that it simply wasn’t the silent night that drew him to the lake they used to meet at when they were young. He chose not to mention that he knew Naruto would be there or that he was there for only one reason.
They swam for a while before they got out of the water. Sasuke got out of the water first, and Naruto did shortly after. They sat down, not too far from each other, on the silver-sanded beach. The night air was warm and light, settling over and drying the damp skin of their bodies like the veil of an old, thin sheet.
Naruto was halfway through trying to make conversation by asking after Sasuke’s family, when the dark-haired man blurted out, “I’m leaving the village for good.”
There was a beat of silence, and Sasuke struggled to look away from the man across from him.
“I mean, you usually are pretty sporadic with coming in and out of town-” The blonde paused before cocking his head in confusion at Sasuke’s expression, and he sucked in a breath.
“I’m leaving, for good this time.”
The silence that had once been marked by the peaceful sounds of the night quickly turned oppressive. Sasuke wasn’t sure when Naruto had gravitated so close to his side. Maybe he had always been there, but it wasn’t obvious until then.
“What about Sakura?”
“She knows and understands most of the costs of staying here. She knows it’s easier to protect the village in my own way from the outside.”
“What about Sarada?” Sasuke grew uncomfortable with the drawl that had formed in Naruto’s speech.
“I'll make sure to see my daughter. I want her to grow up knowing who I am.”
“But wouldn’t that mean you’re still coming back?” Naruto asked in a tone that bordered on desperation, and Sasuke ignored the feeling of his stomach turning over.
“I’m not sure yet, maybe, but not to you. I don’t think I’ll ever see you again,” the words spilled from his lips easily, despite the feeling of his throat constricting in reaction to his heart drying up in his chest.
“So this is farewell?” Naruto asked in what could be described as disbelief. Even Sasuke wasn’t sure if he could hold himself to this plan, but knew he also couldn’t sustain that gaze anymore.
“I guess so.” Something in Sasuke dropped as he watched Naruto’s usual upturned lips quirk downwards when he realized that he was serious.
Naruto was silent for a while before he looked away, turning back towards the blackened lake that, in all its glory, rippled to mock them.
“Sometimes, Yamato will ask me if I'm still as obsessed with you as I used to be, even with settling down.”
Sasuke's body tensed as he looked at the side of the blonde’s face. His eyes bore straight ahead into the lake.
"I did not tell him, and I probably never will, but I still dream of you. Quite often, I might add. Just like I used to.” Naruto paused often between his words, and Sasuke gritted his teeth. Naruto came out of his slump.
“How could I not- if you didn't have a criminal history, you could have been Hokage. But I guess you're more suited for the shadows anyway.”
“I didn't see it then, how you felt, but now I can. You and I, it's always been different for you, hasn't it?” Naruto paused, but didn't look at Sasuke to see that he had neared closer.
“And that's why you are leaving me now-”
Naruto was halfway through talking when Sasuke's hands palmed on his face. The blonde's eyes went wide.
The dark-haired man's lips pressed against the blonde's, and when he gasped in shock, Sasuke used it as a way to coax open his mouth. He didn’t know why he did it; it was never a part of his plan, but he couldn’t help it.
There was nothing more that could have been said; the reasoning for his being there had already been uncovered. He might as well let it all into the open.
He kissed him hard, but clutched his face gently in all the ways he had wanted to but never got the chance to while growing up. He didn’t really have the chance now, either, but he made the space for it.
He felt the blonde pull backwards away from him, and he let up. Naruto's back hit the sand while Sasuke leaned over him. Naruto’s tanned face glowed, his cheeks the color of red plum blossoms. The dark-haired man watched Naruto’s chest heave, and wondered if he ever looked at his wife like that.
He was mumbling incoherent things, and his eyes had glossed with what Sasuke could assume to be tears that would never fall. Sasuke wiped at his mouth and planted his hand on the ground by Naruto’s head to sit up, but only found the blonde to reach for his shoulder.
Sasuke’s eyes widened as he watched the blonde close his eyes and kiss him this time. Naruto leaned up and tilted his chin, letting his fingers fall from Sasuke’s collarbone down to his waist. Sasuke stared in shock at the pale eyelashes right in front of his own before he let his own fall shut.
They tussled on the beach together, and Sasuke held him tightly, as if the blonde planned to disappear without a trace, not him. Sasuke's lips were halfway down Naruto's neck when the sound of a twig snapping lifted from the surrounding forest’s thicket. Sasuke instantly sat up, while the blonde only raised his dazed and reddened face. Suddenly, something flashed in the blonde's eyes, and he sat up as well.
“Something's there. I can sense chakra.”
“It was probably an animal. Nobody comes out here,” Sasuke said, shifting his gaze to look at the blonde’s bottom lip, which appeared full and moistened. Naruto squinted against the dark.
“Maybe…” He spoke in a voice that was uncharacteristically small for him. The blonde looked at Sasuke through the corner of his eye, rubbing a thumb along his lip. He felt stupid for not noticing the man sooner and put his head in his hands, partially to hide the look on his face but also to attempt calming the hammering in his chest.
Sasuke was already putting on his clothes, his undershirt clinging to his dampened skin. Naruto frowned, looking at the man. He wished that it was guilt that pumped his blood rather than whatever kept his tongue in a kenot. He could still taste him in his mouth, and could barely fathom that it had occurred at all.
He didn’t even know that being like that together was an option.
He guessed that it really was true, that you only know what you have when it’s gone. Naruto was frozen, listening to Sasuke’s voice that suddenly sounded unusually different as he clipped, “I should go.”
“Wait-” Naruto's hand clumsily shot out for Sasuke’s wrist, and the blonde was sure he saw it coming, but the dark-haired man let his hand cup his arm regardless.
“Just stay a few more minutes.”
It would be foolish to stay; they both knew this. Anything could happen now. The village’s leader had nearly fornicated with a man once known as a criminal. They both had families. They should have left then and made nothing of the matter. Let it serve as a single wrinkle in time. But for some reason, neither of them could find it in themselves to leave.
Sasuke felt he understood this more than Naruto. Naruto had more to lose, whereas the only thing Sasuke had left to lose was the man himself. That was due to happen anyway, so there was no reason to stay any longer.
“Please.”
Sasuke stopped walking and turned to look at Naruto, sitting there with glistening skin and glistening lips. He stood there for a while, taking in the sight just to make sure he’d remember this as the last time.
“At least put on your shirt.”
Sasuke only sat back down next to him after he had put on all his clothes, watching how the blonde’s hands shook as he pulled the zipper up on his jacket. Like this, he didn’t look very different from when they were younger.
“Are you going to kiss me again?”
Sasuke leveled him with his eyes, a little surprised he would ask that outright.
“I wasn’t going to, no.”
“Why not?” Naruto asked, and Sasuke raised a brow at him like the answer to that was obvious. He sighed, pinching at the bridge of his nose.
“Because it’s a bad idea. That sound could have been a person just as much as it could have been an animal. You know this.”
“Would you let me kiss you if I tried?” Naruto had come closer, and even in Sasuke’s peripheral vision, it was clear that those crystal blue eyes were staring at his lips. Sasuke couldn’t fight the chuckle that rose from his throat, wondering if this was what true defeat really felt like.
“I wouldn’t stop you,” Sasuke gave back, but Naruto was already there, the one cupping his cheek this time. The dark-haired man’s lips had parted, his eyes falling shut before Naruto’s lips had even brushed his.
Sasuke suddenly had the urge to tell him he loved him, but there was no point. It was already over.
They fell into one another, wasting away in the dark. Slivers of moonlight intersected across their skin as they held each other, hands fighting for all the time they’d missed and would never have again.
The buzzing of bugs in the forest had dropped to a low hum, and the night air had settled into the clearing. Past the men’s bodies, over the black lake whispered a secret that would only echo amidst that night’s softened murmur, supposed never to be heard again.
-
“Dad, what’s that?” Boruto asked, pointing at Naruto’s neck. The dark circles under his eyes were harsh, and he didn’t hear the question for several moments until he felt it at his neck, a wave of panic catching his breath.
“What is it?” He asked, pressing at his neck and feeling for whatever his son was pointing at. On the side of his neck, his fingers hit a small patch of skin that felt raw and sensitive, aligned where his son was pointing.
“Oh, must be a bug bite. There are a lot of bugs at the lake I go to.” He said quickly, not missing a beat, even though his whole head felt like it was filled with cotton.
He tried to listen to his kids' discussion about school and their friends, but his mind kept traveling to the previous night. He was sure he was developing a headache.
“Dad, are you alright? You seem kinda out of it,” Kawaki implored, and Boruto nodded in agreement. Naruto just forced a smile and ruffled their hair as he got up from the table. Himawari did not speak on the matter, unlike her siblings. She stayed mostly quiet, but smiled sweetly at her dad when he kissed the top of her head.
“Yeah, I’m all good. I just didn’t sleep too well.” When he stood by Hinata at the sink, his hands rested on her shoulder rather than her waist. She didn’t seem to notice and waved goodbye to him as he headed off to work.
Himawari watched as he left without saying goodbye, along with her mother and brothers.
Soon, the days that were once long and warm became short and colder. It was nearly autumn, and Hinata and their boys had noticed that Naruto began to go out to the lake at night more often than not.
“Maybe he's waiting for something.” Boruto blurted out a certain evening after their father had already left for the night.
“Like what? You doofus,” Kawaki deadpanned.
“Let’s not call each other names now. Your father might just be having a hard time at work. He goes through a lot to help keep us safe. It’s best to give him space.” Hinata said empathetically, but it was clear that even she had grown curious and equally anxious about her husband's whereabouts come nighttime. Still, she trusted him and never pried into her husband's business, as she respected that he might want time alone.
She was straightening out a line of flowers she planned on pressing when she noticed Himawari, in her swimwear with a towel over her shoulder, heading towards the front door of their home.
“Where are you off to? It’s getting late.” Hinata said, standing up and approaching her daughter as she slid on her sandals.
“The lake with Dad.” Hinata looked slightly confused at the statement, as it had never come up before, nor had Naruto ever invited Himawari to accompany him on his nightly ventures.
“Okay, sweetie, it's okay if it's your father. Would you like me to walk you?” Hinata asked, patting the girl’s head.
“No, it’s okay, I know the way. I’ll make sure to come back with Dad soon.” She said, hugging her mom before she turned, moving towards the door.
Right before Himawari left, her mother stopped her, gently calling her name. She turned around, her big blue eyes gleaming with mystery.
“Do you know what's going on with your father? Why doesn't he come home anymore? It’s alright if you don’t, I’m just worried about him… to say the least.” Hinata spoke with a faltering smile. At first, Himawari kept her head lowered to her mother’s sandaled feet, but she quickly raised her head and smiled straight at her.
“He's just at the lake. I’m sure of it.” Himawari started, moving up and down on the balls of her feet.
“I'm just going to see if he's alright. But I wouldn’t worry too much about Dad.” She said, opening up the door and stepping out into the darkness.
“After all, nightswimming deserves a quiet night.”