Chapter Text
Lately everything has been difficult. T.K.'s life has always been difficult, but for weeks now everything has been off. Carlos, T.K.'s husband, his Dad has very recently been killed. T.K. has tried to be patient and in Carlos' words T.K. has been a saint. But T.K. thinks otherwise, he's always been the type to be hard on himself. It might have something to do with his addiction but honestly it started way before any of that.
His habit of thinking he could have done something better or different started when his Dad left. He was seven and could remember everything. He thought about what he could of done and how he could have made his father stay. But thinking didn't help then and it's not helping now. T.K. has been patient he didn't complain when Carlos postponed the wedding. He didn't complain when Carlos dived head first into his father's case after the wedding. But now it felt like they were both breaking under the pressure. T.K. tried not to complain when Carlos started coming home late every night. But one morning the need to sink into Carlos' arms at night won and T.K. tried talking to him. They ended up in a fight, a short but tiring fight that lead nowhere. Carlos wasn't listening to a word T.K. was saying and honestly that hurt. More then the lack of touch they've had for a month. At some point Carlos mentioned T.K.'s mom. A low blow that made T.K. pause.
A year and six months ago T.K.'s mom passed away and it devastated him. So much so he almost relapsed and Carlos knew that. Knew how low it was to bring her up but he was angry. He wanted T.K. to get why he was doing this. He wanted to convince both T.K. and himself this was for a good cause. But Carlos quickly realized that was not what he should have said when T.K. suddenly started shutting down. The yelling stops and T.K. was quieter then he ever should be.
"Shit..T.K.-"
Carlos tries to begin apologizing but the effort is cut off.
"It's fine..I gotta go..or I'll be late for work."
His voice was quiet and neutral, his eyes fixed on the wall behind Carlos. He looked away turning on his heels and grabbing his keys.
"Wait-..T.K. please-"
Carlos sounded desperate but it was now T.K.'s turn not to listen.
"It's fine..love you"
T.K. says walking to the door his work bag slung over his shoulder.
"I love you too T.K...please can we talk later-"
"If you don't get stuck at the station again."
Was all the response given before the front door opens and closes and T.K. leaves.
Carlos stands there for awhile mentally kicking himself for every word he said. After awhile he reluctantly leaves for work while trying to figure out how to apologize.
T.K. got to the fire station fast moving quietly to get dressed. After he went over to the ambulance. Very quickly Nancy and Tommy noticed something off. T.K. was never quiet he always basically skipped over talking lightly with a smile on his face. But today the smile was replaced with a blank expression and his chatter was gone.
"Hey sweetie..you okay?"
Tommy always called T.K. sweet stuff like that. It was nice usual but today it reminded him to much of his mother. So much so almost instantly tears filled his eyes which he quickly fought off.
"Yeah..just..got in a fight with Carlos."
Instantly both Tommy and Nancy soften further their voices like a gentle hug they weren't sure they could actually give him.
"Oh I'm sorry sweetheart."
"It'll be okay, T.K."
Obviously both girls saw the tears despite how quickly T.K. had pushed them down. He swallowed Sligh before speaking again
"I'm okay."
He manages a small smile mainly because he enjoyed how sweet they were to him. They both nod and change the subject still speaking soft to him. Normally if anyone else did this T.K. would think it was pity. But Tommy felt like she was being a mother and Nancy a empathetic big sister. It was nice and got his mind off everything for awhile.
Today wasn't the best day for T.K. at work either. He was almost attacked twice by two different patients. He was actually attacked once ending up with bruises around his neck. Of course after T.K. got checked by a doctor Tommy sent him home. She was a lot like a mother to T.K especially when he gets hurt to he listened easily.
However in the empty and quiet house T.K.'s brain has wandered. He still had hours until Carlos was supposed to get back and even then he was never on time. So T.K. was alone his mind slipping to old habits. But he tried to cling onto reality. If he relapsed all the hard work he spent for years would be for nothing. His mother's work to help make him better would be for nothing. That wouldn't be honoring her memory. But it was hard to think clearly. It was difficult to stay in place when he knew a bar not to far. When he knew an exact alley he could go to score. The idea clung to his brain for hours sitting in the back of his mind until. T.K. stood. All of the sudden his body wasn't listening to his brain. His legs worked on their own. His hands and mouth working against him as well. Until his brain caught up right as he was sat in the dark on a park bench with pills in his left pocket.
It would be so easy. Get high forget about life. It would be so easy. Make all the pain disappear for awhile. But it wasn't easy. So instead of grabbing the pills. Instead of swallowing them and thinking of consequences later. But instead he reached into his right pocket. He grabbed his phone and before letting his brain think he called 9-1-1. He thought fighting your brain against relapsing wouldn't be considered an emergency for the random dispatcher who answered so he asked quietly.
"Can I talk to Grace please..Grace Ryder."