Chapter Text
Lando Norris has never been one to be whiny. Growing up with everything he needed and more, there wasn't ever really a reason to ask for something, as the answers, opportunities and materials had been laid to his feet by his parents or their staff. He is used to being the center of attention, having not really known anything less, being gifted with warm eyes and skin, and a smirk tugging at his lips wherever he goes. The women usually throw themselves at him, but he rather sees dates and late night hook-ups as a game he would play without ever showing his hand, to keep his seemingly unbothered mask alive. During uni he had maintained a few short relationships of which he dropped out when he finally got bored. It wasnt even hard to still find someone new, another woman that couldnt resist his charm and would unknowingly, but glad to do so, uphold his facade of being perfectly content in who he is and what he wants, no matter how ruthless his past breakups were.
But all this should come to an end on his 27th birthday.
It is a stormy november day, grey creeping in a soon as the night flees, and a steady sprinkle of rain has let his city penthouse sink into the backgrounds of the not as polished city behind. Towards the evening it feels even dirtier, the orange streetlights mixing with the slowly upcoming fog. London during this time of year has never been a sight and if Lando is honest, he hates it here. He feels all the colours (or rather the lack thereof) mix together into a brownish rubble, the edges just thinning and fading into each other. But Lando can't afford something like fading. The city with its boring, ever-ongoing traffic and "common folk" as his best friend Carlos jokingly calls them, given that Lando is from old money, is just a steady reminder of himself not being too far from losing what ever self-control he has left. Carlos loves to tease him about being scarily put-together, but Lando always brushes it off with a big grin not even letting Carlos have a glimpse of what raging insecurities go off inside of him. Lando is probably as gay as they come, never felt attracted to women at all, just using lust to keep his sexual needs in order, but never allowed himself more than meaningless crushes on men, who he never told anyone about. He has to be the man of the house, he is supposed to be his fathers son, who Lando has learned very early is a raging homophobic. When he was just a child his father had punished him for crying, forbid him from showing weakness, many dinner conversations consisted of bad-mouthing any so-and-so that had outed themselves and he had always made very clear what he expects of Lando when it comes to marriage and kids. He knows he has to be the man his father thinks he is, has to maintain this perfect persona he carefully shaped over the years, too scared to let anything slip, despite anything never wanting to disappoint his father.
His parents insisted on throwing him a party at their manor in Somerset. They are very wealthy and, no matter what it is about, love to spent fortunes. After all they love Lando, their precious first-born and only son even though he is fairly sure they keep alot of it up just for the world to see. Their love had been in the materialistic sense all his life. Naturally they decided to take the party planning into their hands. Lando isn't even sure himself what exactly the evening is supposedly going to look like, but then again he hasn't really cared much for his birthdays in a long time anyway.
When it is time he makes sure to get a shower and dresses into one of his tailored suits, pairing it with a crisp white shirt and dress shoes. He hates ties so he gladly forgets to put one on. They always make him feel like he can't breathe properly and besides he thinks they look shit. He allows himself a long stern look at himself, before sliding his phone into his pocket and stepping out of his flat into the elevator. Carlos has relentlessly texted him the whole day, annoying him with his clothing choices and promising to pick him up in his new car. He slips out between the doorman and one of his neighbours, rushing to Carlos brand-new Ferrari. The rain already clinging to his hair, with small droplets forming between his eyebrows, he slides into the passengers seat, closing the door firmly behind himself.
"About time man! We're already late and I cant be the one to be the reason for birthday boy not showing up to his own party!" Carlos grins at him and pulls him into a side-hug, immediately starting the car and pulling it onto the street.
"Oh come on, its barely ten minutes you dickhead. You just want to see a certain someone and cant keep your ass in a steady place for a second." Lando laughs back, feeling at ease being with his best friend and having the outlook of spending an hour chatting until they arrive. "Have you got the pills?"
A little present he ordered for himself tonight. He usually doesn't do drugs recreationally, but sometimes when the occasion comes up he's more than happy to pair them with his way more consistent consume of alcohol.
"Calm down, no need to lick your fingers." his friend reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little plastic bag, "There you go, its on me tonight. Happy birthday, by the way." Lando slides it carefully into his jacket and beams at Carlos. "So, looking forward to go after Elisa tonight?"
They spend the rest of the drive chattering back and forth, mainly about whether Carlos could manage to finally get his somewhat crush (if someone like Carlos Sainz would allow himself to call it that) into the sheets. When they finally pull up to the manor of the Norrises, Lando doesn't halt to look at the enormous house, he's seen it a million times before. Still, the elegant bulding looks spectacular with floor-length windows, goddesses and gargoyles carved into the century old stone, all accentuated by carefully placed lights and tendrils climbing up at parts of the front. It doesn't impress him as he grew up here, it was just another home, nothing he especially feels fond towards. Nothing really is something to him if he's honest. All the things he has, have come to him through money, even the friends that he keeps in his orbit, never too close and painfully aware that they are from the same money hoarding families as he is, which to be fully honest was the reason he decided to be with them in the first place. Lando Norris, never stepping out of line.
He throws himself head first into the party. His parents make sure to greet him with greatest pleasure, not obscene, but just loud enough for everyone to hear and turn their heads. Come witness our perfect little family. Lando scoffs in his head. He then greets a few of his uni friends and heads straight to the bar. The guests around him laughing, chatting and drinking and he swims in their attention for a while, birthday wishes and stupid jokey conversations, he easily slides into, washing over him.
A few hours later, his head buzzing from the whiskey he's had, he excuses himself to the bathroom, pretty sure he has never seen the couple he's just talked to before, and stumbles towards the stairs from the entrance hall, up to his old living space. His parents haven't exactly left it as it was, but he still always has a bed and bathroom for a night if he needs to. If the evening continues like this, he is sure he's going to stay, but he doesn't exactly mind it, being drunk and all. Carlos has long vanished as he made out Elisa in the crowd almost immediately and Lando needs a whiff of fresh air. He crosses his old room straight to the balcony and after fumbling with the door abit (out of all things in the damn house this had to be the one thing that had been abandoned for years) he steps out into the cold damp night.
The rain still hasnt stopped, he sees mist rising in the field behind the house and even though he really needed a breath of cold air he shivers in his exquisitly tailored but way too thin suit. Lando reaches into his pocket, pulling out the pills and puts one on his tongue. He winces at the bitter taste, quickly turns inside to the bathroom and drinks straight from the tap. Then he lays down on the freshly made bed, that doesn't really feel like his and waits for the drug to do the works. His gaze travels over the bland ceiling, a little breeze from the balcony brushes against his face, and he lets his thoughts wander. How come that he has to be his parents son. He hates the responsibility, the awkward dress-up and conversations over nothing. He feels with a sharp sting in his chest that the one thing he yearns for is love. Not from his parents, that ship has long sailed and Lando has made amends with being an accessoire years ago, but from a significant other. There were his girlfriends of course, that wanted him, but it never really has made him feel something. Even Carlos seems to finally have a little more serious thing going on and he is the most sex-hungry man Lando has ever met. Lando actually had developed a little bit of a crush when he first met Carlos, himself only nineteen, but soon depending on the man like it was for life. He found his first real friend in him, so he didnt allow himself to deepen his feelings.
Laughter and music from downstairs take him back into presence, slowly feeling the pill doing what it promised. He suddenly feels all light and happy, almost funny but not tipping over into the radiant colours, all steady and fine. Soon he finds himself in the hallway and down the stairs. Right to the entrance of the party he snags a glass of champagne off a waiters tray. His parents must have really gone all out with employing people just for the night. As he looks up into the waiters unfamiliar face he smiles.
"Lando, right?" the waiters voice is sharp and Lando immediately recognizes a faint australian accent.
"Yeah, and who do I have the pleasure with?" He's slid back into who he's supposed to be in an instant, grinning at his opposite.
"Oscar."
"Never seen you before, you just came to the special occasion?"
The young man scoffs just for a second, then turns to look into the party hall. "That right there is something I wouldn't want to attend in a nightmare." Lando stares at him. He can't believe that someone would be so blunt, given their obvious employer/employee situation. "Then what are you doing here? Why take this job?" he can't fully hide, that the man has sparked his interest. "As if you care." he murmurs under his breath. Lando doesn't know why he does it, but he presses further. "Come on, don't bore me Oscar, it's my birthday and I'm done with partying. Tell me something interesting." the words glide off his lips like caramel, his gaze landing steadily on Oscars eyes.
"Fine. I work in my dads restaurant in South London. He's trying to give me a jump start so he lent me to a friends catering service, learning a few organisational things here and there, mainly to push his business with my then wonderfully new found expertise." his voice drips with sarcasm. "Et voila, here I am. At your service." he grimaces and salutes awkwardly, seeminlgy trying to make a joke even though it doesn't match with his unease. And it works. Lando actually laughs, not because he feels obliged to, but because he genuinely thinks it was funny. Maybe the little pill has something to do with it, maybe it's just that he's exceptionally rebel-feeling on his birthdays, but he takes Oscar by the shoulder and pushes him towards the back door that leads to the garden. "Come on, I wanna show you something."
As they step out into the cold, Lando realizes for a second time tonight, that he isn't well dressed in the practical sense. The pill spends him a little warmth though and he downs the Champagne he got from Oscar. His head starts spinning a little but he keeps his eyes fixed on the waiter, who now awkwardly stands in the middle of the dark terrace, obviously not sure if Lando is in his right mind. "Sit." says Lando and pats on the expensive garden bench that he has just let himself down on. Oscar rustles over to him and after hesitating for a split second, sits down next to him.
"So. What's so important out here, that I have to see it?" Oscar looks at him, his eyes genuinely glinting with curiosity. "Nothing really, it's just too much inside, and too lonely out here, so I had to bring you. Besides you might be good company, we don't know each other yet." he hears himself speaking, but Lando has no idea what he's talking about.
"I'm not exactly supposed to be here, but given the fact that I'm with you now, happy birthday. Your parents must really love you to give you all that." It sounds bitter, and not like he really means it.
Lando stares at him, taken off-guard. The way soft brown hair falls into Oscars forehead, his lips being parted just the smallest bit, a fine scar on his temple he can barely see in the dim light, unless he's really looking for it. And Lando looks for it, for everything in Oscars face, deep brown eyes that melt into the darkness surrounding them but still being fixed into his as if they really see inside, see what others just put off as a lazy grimace, a blink, the twitch of a muscle, it's like Oscar is the first person to ever look behind his persona. It makes him a little dizzy, but he's drunk and high and shoves the thought away.
"I hate my birthday." Lando offers a truth of which he doesn't know yet that it will be the first of many following. He's not even sure why he says it, it just blurts out of him. Somewhere deep inside of him he knows that this man he has just met is the only one he can tell about this. Because they don't know each other and he will forget and they will never see each other again.
"You do?" Oscar scoffs.
"Might not look like it to someone like you, but yeah. I lost my virginity on it, 6 years ago, and I fucking hate it. It was the first person I ever fell in love with, but I never saw him again and it ruined me."
It's like the words jump into his throat and out of his mouth before he can catch them. It seems he has found the dark path these damn pills can bring you onto, if you aren't careful enough. Perhaps he shouldn't have paired it with being out-of-his-mind drunk.
Oscar looks at him silently in the dark, his eyes reflecting the small torches that have been lit on the grass, lurking between bushes of roses that no longer carry blossoms.
"Someone like me?" his brows crease in a way Lando finds adorable and he can't hold back.
"You're cute when you're angry."
Oscar scoffs once more, then turns away and looks into the far end of the garden, avoiding Landos gaze.
"And what exactly happened then? You seem pretty eager to share something personal. Can't do that with your perfect little circle of high-end friends huh?"
"Well, he just slipped through my fingers, just like everything else. I don't know what happened, not even now, he never reached out, just disappeared. That's why I have a certain dislike to birthdays to this day. It's weird this feeling you know? Not getting to have a say in something that so deeply affects you."
Oscar turns to look at him properly now. His brown eyes search through Landos face in a way that strips his layers apart, but though he doesn't know this man at all, it doesn't make him uneasy, doesn't push im to pull up his walls again. He decides to just let it flow out and see what happens.
"All this must look pretty happy to you huh? Money, caring parents, friends, a great party. It's not at all like that, let me tell you that. Most days I just hate it. I can't make any decisions that are truly my own. I have to be this person all the time, I never get to do anything for myself. It's so fucking exhausting, most of the time I don't even know who I am." he feels heat rising in his cheeks and he is dangerously close to crying. But what keeps him going is that Oscar just reaches out and lays his hand on Landos, still not saying a word. Listening in a way that Lando has never felt being listened to. And so it pours all out of him. The pill pushes him further and further, far deeper into his heart than he's ever let anyone see. His feelings, pushed down and locked away for years crash in him like waves and just fight their way out. In the end he feels his breathing shallow from crying, his eyes heavy and his heart even heavier.
"Look at me being fucking depressed." he laughs sadly. "I never dared to love after that. Given that I am not allowed to love who I want anyways, I never saw a reason again to let myself have that. Why bother when it's forbidden anyways. It would cost my fucking life if my parents found out there was so much as a drop of homosexuality inside of me." he runs his hands over his face, sweat mixing with the raindrops the wind pleasantly blows onto his skin.
"Then leave."
The suggestion hangs between them in the cold air, Landos eyes shoot up to meet Oscars again.
"It's not that easy."
"I know." Oscar admits quietly.
"I wish I could."
Tears mix into the water running down his face,
His heart is heavy, his eyes burn, he knows, he needs to collect himself.
But then its Oscar who does, by just firmly holding his hand for a while and they sit in the dark, the muffled sounds from the party seem far, far away, Lando feels like slipping in and out of consciousness, the only thing anchoring him from slipping under the drugs final pushover being the dark brown eyes holding him close, and a warm, absurdly soft hand that lightly presses his.