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“Harry,” Sirius whispered from inside the closet. “Harry, c’mere. I’m trying to scare your Uncle Moony.”
Seven-year-old Harry Potter glanced around, then hurried to hide next to Sirius, trying desperately to muffle his giggles.
“Why aren’t we hiding at the back of the closet?” Harry whispered loudly.
“‘Cause we won’t know when he’s coming, the back of the closet is too far!” It was a walk-in closet, because Sirius had far too many clothes, according to Remus. To be fair, Remus’ clothes took up only a corner of it.
“Ohhhh.” Harry covered his mouth with both hands, watching the bedroom with wide eyes.
They waited.
And they waited.
And they waited.
“Is he coming?” Harry asked.
“I dunno,” Sirius muttered. He cupped his hands around his mouth. “Moony! Light of my life, my favorite husband, could you come help me with something?”
“Of course, love,” came a voice from behind them.
Harry screamed, and Sirius whirled around, his fist flying at the person who spoke. It made contact, and there was a crunch.
“Fuck!” Remus doubled over, clutching at his face. “Sirius!”
“Oh my God!” Sirius reached for his wand. “Episkey! Are you okay?”
“Fine, you absolute wanker.”
Sirius frowned. “Oi! You scared me!”
“You were trying to scare me!” Remus straightened up, wiping the blood off of his face. “And you dragged Harry into it!”
“I didn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to,” Sirius huffed. “Right, Harry?”
Harry looked up at Remus, eyes wide. “Are you okay, Uncle Moony?”
“I’m just fine, Prongslet. Your Uncle Padfoot-” this, of course, was punctuated with a glare- “-fixed it. It was an accident, I’m sure.” He fixed Sirius with a look that said it had better have been an accident.
“Of course it was an accident!” Sirius said, offended. “How dare-”
Remus rolled his eyes. “I’m messing with you. Harry, would you like a chocolate?”
“Yes!”
“Let’s go, then,” Remus said indulgently. He hooked his arm through Sirius’. “What’s this about me being the light of your life?”
“You know you are,” Sirius told him with a grin.
It wasn’t until hours later, after dinner, that the consequences of their actions really set in. Sirius was washing dishes, and Remus was drying, when Harry came in from playing with blocks in the living room.
“Uncle Moony?” he asked.
“Yes, Prongslet?”
“What’s a fuck?”
Sirius, of course, started laughing so hard he could barely breathe. Remus could do damage control on this one, he decided, as it was his fault.
“It’s, um. Not a nice word, so you can’t say it, alright? I only did because Uncle Padfoot accidentally hurt me.”
Harry blinked. “Oh! Okay. I won’t say it.”
“Good,” Remus said. “Go play, alright? It’s bedtime soon.”
“Awwww, I don’t wanna…” Harry complained, but he went anyway.
Sirius waited until Harry was out of earshot, then opened his mouth to speak, but Remus held up a hand.
“Not a bloody word.”
From the living room, they heard Harry say, in his tiny voice, “Fuck!”
Sirius laughed so hard he collapsed, just wheezing on the floor.
Harry trotted in a moment later, brandishing his hand, which was bleeding, just a little. “Uncle Padfoot, Uncle Moony, I have a cut.”
Remus sighed. “C’mere, let me look at it.” As he was cleaning it, he said, “Harry, you know that word you asked about?”
“Fuck?” Harry asked innocently. Sirius clutched at his chest, his stomach cramping from how hard he was laughing.
“Yes, that. It’s an adult word, you can’t say it until you’re older.”
Harry frowned. “But why?”
“You don’t understand what it means yet, or when to use it without hurting anyone’s feelings.”
“Oh. Okay.” Harry looked over at Sirius.. “Uncle Padfoot, are you alright?”
“Fine,” Sirius wheezed. “I’m- I’m so fine.”
Harry shrugged. “Okay!” He ran off back to the living room with a “Thank you, Uncle Moony!” thrown over his shoulder.
Remus glared at Sirius. “It’s not funny.”
“It is,” Sirius got out. “Oh, God, it is.”
“Shut up. Help me finish the dishes.”
And, after a minute, Sirius did.