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“What the fuck is this?” Jisung gasps, catching Hyunjin’s attention too late. He looks up from his phone to realize that Jisung is going through his things, with no regard for privacy, and has found the box of condoms in his underwear drawer. Isn’t it a universally known thing that secret stuff is kept in the underwear drawer?
“Oh, that…” Hyunjin grapples for an excuse. He doesn’t need everyone in the dorm to know that he’s sexually active, but they will if Jisung finds out. “It’s just in case I ever need it.”
“U-huh.” Jisung makes a sceptical sound. “You do understand that I have eyes, right? And I can count, and this box says a much higher number than the items inside.” He tips the box on its head, three lonely packets falling out of the 12-pack.
“So? I’m a good wingman.” Hyunjin cringes at the lie, although it is true that he has shared a few times, in ‘emergencies’. Jisung would shut up if he knew that one or two of those condoms have been inside of him.
“Who’s the lucky lady?” Jisung teases, completely ignoring Hyunjin’s lies. There’s a smug smile on his face, like he’s proud of figuring this out.
“No one.” Hyunjin realizes with surprise that they never had that conversation. The one about Hyunjin not having any interest in women. He thought he was so obvious about it that there was no need, but it’s not like he’s been parading around the men he’s slept with.
“Does that mean it’s a secret, or that you don’t know yet? Someone new every Friday, eh?” Jisung wiggles his brows suggestively and Hyunjin feels embarrassed for him. Jisung isn’t exactly a scary person to come out to, with his relationship to Minho, so Hyunjin decides to be honest.
“It means men.” Hyunjin says. Although lately, it has only been one. One Lee Felix who made all other men irrelevant. It’s an ongoing struggle.
“Men? Not man?” Jisung picks up on the distinction.
“Men.” Hyunjin repeats. Plural, multiple, many. But that was before he knew he could have Felix. And even now that Felix avoids him, no one else interests him anymore.
“Good for you.” Jisung smiles, taking a short break from his teasing to show Hyunjin how genuinely he doesn’t care who he sleeps with. “So do you take it or give it?” And the teasing is right back.
“I’m not answering that.” Hyunjin says. He thinks it’s stereotypical to call someone a top or a bottom, completely erasing everyone who has no preference, or stays far away from penetrative sex. No one asks straight couples who is more dominant.
“Speaking of…” Hyunjin changes the subject, figuring that he has nothing to lose. “Could you make yourself scarce this afternoon? It’s just that I know everyone else will be out and…” And he doesn’t really have more of a plan than that, other than desperately needing to break the tension between him and Felix.
“Sure,” Jisung agrees. “But what about Lix?” Hyunjin is so surprised to hear the name that he panics for a moment, worried that Jisung knows who Hyunjin wants to spend the evening with. “He doesn’t have any plans today.” Jisung adds, and Hyunjin relaxes slightly.
“Yes, he does.” Hyunjin says. It’s not that he minds too much if Jisung knows, but Felix certainly would mind. He’s so shy he would probably prefer if Hyunjin didn’t even know they were sleeping together.
“I just talked to him, and he had plans with Netflix.” Jisung points out. His glance falls back to the box of condoms, and his eyes widen. “But you knew that, didn’t you? You want me to leave so you can be alone with him. You’re fucking Yongbok?”
“I’m not- no, god, why would you say that?” Hyunjin stutters. He’s not fucking Felix. They’re just avoiding their emotions, being awkward, and maybe getting off together every once in a while. As much as Hyunjin wants them to be more, and he can see that Felix wants more, they can’t get anywhere as long as only one of them is open about his emotions. Hyunjin really didn’t like how used he felt after their third night together ended in yet another empty bed in the morning.
“I don’t know what we’re doing, okay? I was hoping we could talk, maybe figure it out, because I don’t- I can’t understand what he’s doing.” Every time they come to an agreement, it goes right back to the same old thing. Felix probably hasn’t looked him in the eye for more than a millisecond in weeks.
Jisung looks surprised by Hyunjin’s emotional outburst. “I didn’t know it was such a sensitive subject.” He says, all the teasing gone from his voice. Hyunjin didn’t know he was sensitive about it either, but he’s honestly getting pretty fed up with the back and forth.
“It’s fine,” Hyunjin assures him. “I just don’t understand what I have to do for him to relax and trust me. It’s like he’s in denial or something, and I don’t know how to make him admit…” He trails off. Admit what? That he wants Hyunjin? That he loves him? What if he doesn’t love him? What if all of this will end in heartbreak?
“You have to do something drastic, something he can’t deny.” Jisung suggests. Hyunjin almost laughs, because isn’t that exactly what he’s been doing? He even made Felix admit what he wanted, and still, they went right back to awkward silence.
“Like what?” Hyunjin challenges.
“I don’t know, make yourself irresistible?” Jisung suggests awkwardly. “Do you really want me to tell you how to-”
“No! No, please don’t.” Hyunjin cuts him off. That’s where he draws the line. But Jisung’s words spark an idea. It’s not the first time he’s wanted Felix to take what he wants, but maybe he hasn’t made the temptation strong enough. He has to take it to the extreme, do something that Felix absolutely can’t deny. Something that won’t just momentarily tear down his walls.
“Fine.” Jisung laughs. “I’ll get my stuff and leave. You kids have fun.” He picks the condoms up from the floor and puts them back in the box before hesitating and pulling one back out. “Can I take this? You’ll only need one, maybe two if you’re wild enough.”
“Take them all, we won’t need any.” Hyunjin waves him off, willing himself not to blush. His plan does not require any condoms.
“I’m good with the one. Don’t want you to get our sweet Lix pregnant.” Jisung mutters on his way out the door. Hyunjin doesn’t even acknowledge the comment, knowing that a reaction is exactly what Jisung wants.
He realizes belatedly that he didn’t tell Jisung not to tell anyone, but he doesn’t think that he will. Maybe he would’ve if Hyunjin was sleeping with women, but he wouldn’t out Hyunjin, and he should know himself well enough to know that he can’t say anything without revealing everything.
Hyunjin is a little nervous when he steps out of the shower and goes to Felix’s room. There’s a voice in his head that wonders if Felix will hate what he’s about to do. He wonders if he’s crossing some sort of boundary, if he’s taking it too far. Maybe this will end with him being stamped as an asshole, but he’s fine with that. At least then he’ll know that Felix isn’t interested.
He drops a bottle of lube on Felix’s bed and reaches for his towel. He hesitates for a moment before taking it off, but he has already decided that he’s doing this. Felix’s sheets are soft against his skin, his scent enveloping Hyunjin in warmth.
He lets his thoughts drift, remembering their first night together. He sees the flush on Felix’s face, his plump and red lips, the pleasure in his eyes, the way their bodies moved together. He remembers the way Felix touched him, with increasing confidence, and the way he came in his underwear riding Hyunjin’s thigh, getting himself off so desperately.
Hyunjin’s skin is suddenly on fire, heat gathering in his abdomen as his dick twitches in interest. Is he really doing this? Yes, he is. He keeps thinking, moving onto their second time. Felix’s shuddered breaths and small moans, becoming harder and harder to hold back until Hyunjin had to silence him with kisses. The way it almost felt like he was introducing Felix to pleasure.
Hyunjin runs his fingers over his skin, imagining that it’s Felix touching him, exploring his body with his fingertips. He thinks about Felix rushing out of practice because he was so turned on, and wonders what he’ll do when he comes home. Will he finally take what he wants? Or will he run away again? Perhaps Hyunjin will run after him and fuck him in the hallway.
He can’t wait any longer, his fingers finding their way to his erection, sighing at the relief of the touch. A moan falls from his lips when he grabs himself in a firm grip and starts stroking, trying to copy his memories of Felix’s touch. If he closes his eyes hard enough, he can almost pretend that they’re back in the shower, and Felix is making him come apart like it’s his job to do so.
Hyunjin remembers what his goal is and slows down, aware that he has to last for this plan to work. It is almost painful not to rush this; thinking about Felix has him so riled up. He has never jerked off as often or come as quickly as he has ever since the first night with Felix. He just gets to damn aroused every time he remembers Felix’s body, his touch, his lips, his pleasure.
He envisions Felix’s face so clearly. The way his eyes cloud over, and his mouth opens slightly, brows furrowing and cheeks blazing hot. He wonders if that’s how Felix will look when he enters the room and sees Hyunjin like this. If he’ll forget all about his shyness, or stay by the door, fighting to hold himself back. And he wonders if Felix will realize that this was Hyunjin’s intention, or if he’ll be embarrassed, as if this isn’t happening in Felix’s bed.
Hyunjin groans, clenching his fingers tightly around the base of his dick. It feels like he’s been here for hours already, keeping himself on edge without letting the pleasure build too much, just droning on in this good feeling and need for more. He gets a little carried away a couple of times, almost coming too soon, but always staying in control.
And then, finally, he hears the front door through the cotton in his ears, the sound echoing oddly. It doesn’t even cross his mind that it might not be Felix as he kneels on the bed and keeps stroking himself, letting himself go slightly now that Felix is so close. He allows himself to moan, playing it up slightly to be heard through the door. He gets so lost in pleasure that he doesn’t hear the bedroom door, not realizing that Felix has entered until he catches sight of him.
Leave it to Hyunjin to be startled despite waiting for this moment. He jumps in surprise, their eyes locking across the room. Then Hyunjin has to fight a smirk at the look settling on Felix’s face. Under the surprise is exactly what he imagined, pure arousal and need. But Felix restrains himself, frozen in the doorway.
“You didn’t lock the door.” Felix says distractedly, his eyes raking over Hyunjin’s body. His face turns bright red, as if he’s wearing a thick hoodie on a hot summer day, and his fists clench at his sides.
“I knew no one would come home.” Hyunjin says, realizing that he still has a hold of himself, and lets go. “I thought you would be later.” He adds, wiping his hand on Felix’s sheets. Felix follows the movement like it’s the most interesting thing in the world.
“Clearly.” Felix says breathily. Hyunjin lets his eyes wander over Felix’s heaving chest, his fisted hands and the growing bulge in his pants, and he smirks. Felix must be the most stubborn person in the world because he still stays by the door.
“You’re hard.” Hyunjin says, coaxing him to come closer. He knew he had to reason to worry about this plan. Felix likes what he’s seeing, and he doesn’t look like he’ll run away this time.
“Like you’re one to speak.” Felix says, pulling up his hoodie while finally coming over to bed. It gets stuck on his nose on the way off, and Hyunjin laughs, kneeling at the edge of the bed so he can grab onto him as soon as he’s close enough.
Hyunjin pulls Felix into bed, needing him closer than close. Felix lands on top of him, rolling his hips down, and Hyunjin moans at the attack. Felix’s leg wedges between Hyunjin’s, and Hyunjin wraps his legs around his waist, feeling high with pleasure the next time Felix rolls his hips. Hyunjin is so sensitive, made himself so desperate for Felix that even just this touch could be enough.
He pushes his hands up Felix’s tank top, finally making contact with his warm skin. It feels even better than in his memories, on the verge of overwhelming. Felix sits back to pull of his top, coming right back to Hyunjin’s lips once his chest is bare. It is nowhere near enough.
“Lix- Why are we taking it so slow?” Hyunjin asks breathily. Felix doesn’t seem to listen, gently smiling and tucking the hair behind Hyunjin’s ear. Hyunjin almost forgets what they’re doing for a moment, overcome with affection.
“You call this slow?” Felix asks, reminding Hyunjin that he wasn’t even in the room a minute ago.
“It might feel fast to you, but I’m taking steps in the wrong direction.” Hyunjin says. If he didn’t have an armful of Felix, he wouldn’t have had the strength to stop touching himself. The promise of Felix’s touch is the only thing powerful enough to do that.
“I’ll show you slow.” Felix says, and kisses him in such a casual way, it feels like Hyunjin is the only one putting in any effort. Hyunjin’s jaw drops open when Felix gets undressed as if it’s nothing, clearly not that shy anymore.
Felix straddles him and Hyunjin pours all of his arousal into the next kiss, shuddering when Felix’s hands find his chest. Expecting to be made to wait, Hyunjin jolts when Felix’s fingers wrap around him, wasting no time in finding a good rhythm. Hyunjin bites back a moan, tilting his head back as Felix sucks on his neck.
“You call this slow?” Hyunjin has to focus to speak clearly, and can’t stop a moan from falling out. None of his memories did Felix’s hands justice. He can’t pinpoint why it’s different, perhaps it’s just because all memories grow dull with time. But he’s sure that no one has ever been so attentive to how Hyunjin feels, noticing all the little details that makes it better for him.
“You’ll see.” Felix promises. Hyunjin groans when he realizes the flaw in his plan. He intended to make Felix lose his mind, but he’s the one who was teased for a long time, and he isn’t known for being patient. It doesn’t help that Felix is apparently in a filthy mood, leaving wet kisses down Hyunjin’s neck before running his tongue along his throat.
If he wasn’t slightly proud of how long he was able to keep himself on edge before Felix walked in, he’d be embarrassed at how fast he feels the heat coil up in his abdomen.
“Lix-” Hyunjin warns him, both desperate to come and disappointed that it’ll be over so soon. Felix looks at him through hooded eyes, a slight smirk on his face. Hyunjin feels ready to snap when Felix’s hand slows down, stops moving, and lets go.
Hyunjin whines, losing control of his hips. He thinks that maybe he can still come if he tricks his body into thinking that he’s still being touched, or maybe the air will be enough to send him over the edge. There’s no way he can be so close and not come. But he’s proven wrong.
“That was so mean.” Hyunjin says, forcing himself to relax when he gets lightheaded from straining. Felix smiles like he enjoys it, and Hyunjin swallows thickly, realizing that he helped Felix become this person. He tried so hard to help Felix feel comfortable with sex, not realizing what monster he was unleashing.
“Don’t pretend that you don’t like it.” Felix smirks. Hyunjin won’t deny or confirm anything. He just pulls Felix into another kiss that quickly grows desperate. Felix only allows it for a moment before pushing him back into the mattress, leaving kisses all down Hyunjin’s chest and abdomen.
This is a version of Felix Hyunjin never even dreamed existed. He’s jealous of whoever taught him how to do this, even though they’re not the ones benefitting now. Hyunjin isn’t the first one Felix has looked at through his lashes while slowly kissing his thighs and lower abdomen, observing every reaction Hyunjin’s body gives him.
The soft lips, hot breath and damp marks left on his skin has Hyunjin leaking. He realizes that it’s not just an expression to say he aches with need. It’s actually staring to hurt, and still, Felix only watches in amazement, playing with the bead of precum on his stomach. When he brings a drop of it to his mouth, Hyunjin whines his name, grabbing onto any part of Felix he can reach.
Felix continues to tease, kissing along his v-line until he reaches the base of Hyunjin’s dick. The touch is so light, Hyunjin shudders with each kiss along his length, moaning when his tongue darts out to taste the precum directly from the source.
“Felix-” Hyunjin is out of patience, hands twitching at his sides when Felix finally takes him into his mouth, holding eye contact the whole time. Hyunjin melts under the touch, so pleased to feel his mouth again.
It’s easy to get lost in the pleasure. Felix’s technique is impeccable, working his tongue and throat in ways that would make this quick even if Hyunjin wasn’t already so far gone. His entire body quivers and all he can focus on is chasing the building heat, barely even breathing.
Felix presses into Hyunjin’s hips to stop their movement and slows down at just the right time, allowing Hyunjin to enjoy every second of the edge, dragging it out for as long as possible.
Hyunjin can’t say if he’s ever been wound so tight by anyone else, which also makes Felix’s next move a valid motive for murder. With a last swirl of his tongue, he pulls off, leaving Hyunjin to desperately hump the air again, and for a moment, he’s sure he’ll come anyway, but he doesn’t. He can’t.
Hyunjin throws his head back in frustration, barely holding back a growl. He’s sure he’s about to rip the sheets from gripping them so tight.
“Again?” He complains, heaving for breath. Is this who Hyunjin could’ve been fucking this whole time? Where did the shy guy from a few weeks ago go? How does someone go from that to this in such a short amount of time? He doesn’t even want to think about who could’ve brought Felix out of his shell since last time.
Felix straddles him, supporting his weight on his forearms as his lips find Hyunjin’s again. There’s a softness in his eyes, and a patience that Hyunjin could never replicate. It’s a wonder how Felix is still able to drag this out so much, completely neglecting himself in favour of seeing Hyunjin so desperate.
“Do you want me to stop?” Felix asks. Hyunjin doesn’t even think before shaking his head, pulling him into another sloppy kiss. Part of him wouldn’t mind if this went on forever. The more rational part of him knows that it can’t go on for much longer.
He wraps his legs around Felix’s waist, inviting him to use those delicious hips. Felix doesn’t have to be asked twice, grinding down in a way that has them both gasping. Hyunjin’s precum acts as lube, allowing Felix to glide effortlessly against him.
Felix crashes their lips together, but Hyunjin can’t keep up with the kisses, both hyperaware and distracted by how good he feels. Felix must feel that Hyunjin isn’t kissing him back because he finds Hyunjin’s neck instead, sucking on his skin in ways Hyunjin hopes leaves marks, just so he can remember this moment when he looks in the mirror later.
Hyunjin feels himself get close again, and clamps his lips shut, trying to hide it so Felix won’t stop. He feels Felix’s awareness of him change and knows that he’s caught on anyway.
“Please, Lix.” Hyunjin gasps, feeling starved of oxygen as it builds. Felix smirks and pulls away, sitting back on Hyunjin’s thighs. Hyunjin makes a complaining sound, thrusting his hips into the empty air, hating that it’s slipping away again. “It’s not funny, don’t stop.” He pulls so hard on the sheets that one of the corners slip off the mattress.
Felix has half the decency to look at him with pity, as if this isn’t his fault. His hand finds Hyunjin’s, and Hyunjin shivers, surprised by how sensitive his skin is. His hand is led to his dick, and he won’t protest, isn’t really sure why he hasn’t done this earlier as he starts jerking off.
He’s vaguely aware of Felix mirroring his movements. The younger looks like a dream with his flushed chest, trembling abs, the focus on his face, slightly open mouth, and the way he strokes himself. Hyunjin doesn’t need anything else to be close again, feeling like he’s teetered on the edge for hours at this point.
He’s ready to cry when Felix grabs his wrist, pulling his hand away, but before he can be that dramatic, his touch is replaced by Felix’s. His hand somehow wraps around both of them, and he kisses Hyunjin with such desire, he feels a little dizzy.
Hyunjin holds onto Felix, pulling him as close as possible. Every press of Felix’s lips and twist of his wrist makes it a little harder to breathe. He has been on the edge so many times by now, he doesn’t know how to react when he feels himself falling. Pushing on Felix’s chest and wiggling around as if he wants to escape the overwhelming feeling. His body locks up, pressing closer to Felix, shuddering, moaning, unable to lie still.
He’s pretty sure he wouldn’t care about anything else in this moment, but seeing the way Felix desperately jerks off at the sight, hearing his needy little moans, it’s impossible to ignore. Aware that he’s putting on one hell of a show, Hyunjin takes it one step further. Overstimulation hurts when he wraps his hand around his dick, and he bites his lips against the conflicting sensations, body twitching.
It’s all worth it when Felix all but collapses on top of him, moaning deep in his chest as he comes. Hyunjin carefully runs his fingers up and down Felix’s waist, taking in every stutter of his hips, every sound, every press of their skin.
Felix slowly softens before flopping down beside Hyunjin, letting out a small laugh. Hyunjin can’t help but laugh too, not sure how to process what just happened. He never would’ve guessed Felix was like that in bed. He looks so innocent, but all he needed was some confidence.
“I did not expect that.” Hyunjin says, smiling at Felix. It seems that Jisung had a point, but Hyunjin will never tell him that. If there was any ice left between him and Felix, it’s certainly broken now. Gone are the days of awkward fumbling and tense silences.
“Me neither.” Felix says, kissing him softly. Hyunjin’s eyes close, sure he could’ve fallen asleep if he allowed himself to. “I didn’t expect walking in on you either.” Felix continues.
“I did.” Hyunjin admits sheepishly. Although he got way more than he bargained for. Felix sits up, surprise clear on his face.
“What?” Felix gasps, eyes going adorably wide. Hyunjin is so gone for him, warmth spreading in his chest as he explains that he was waiting for him, shyly admitting that he planned it. Felix goes from shock to something akin to pride, and Hyunjin isn’t sure what to do with that.
“Why knew you had it in you.” Felix says. Hyunjin chuckles, tempted to throw it right back at him. Felix cleans them up with a tissue before cuddling up with him, nuzzling into Hyunjin’s neck. He must be able to feel how hard Hyunjin’s heart beats. He must know what this means to him. And there is no way Felix would kiss him so softly if he didn’t feel the same way; he wouldn’t lead Hyunjin on like that.
“Who knew you were such a dom?” Hyunjin teases, unable to help himself, “Edging me like that.” He enjoys how red Felix turns, but when Felix won’t meet his eye, he worries that he pushed too far. “Relax, it was good. You didn’t overdo it, so it was just the right intensity.”
“I’m glad.” Felix looks relieved. Someone suggests a shower, Hyunjin doesn’t really know who. Maybe it’s just a mutual understanding. It’s the first time Felix doesn’t look ready to run away and hide from what they did. He clings to Hyunjin, taking every opportunity to touch him as they clean themselves off.
Something has changed between them, but neither of them mention it. The words lie just beneath the surface, a confession that could change everything. But Hyunjin is in no rush for it to change right now. If he’s wrong, he’d rather live in denial for a little longer.