Chapter Text
The Vees always find themselves to be cultured, for they remember the thrill of controlling the media – even before they formed their clique. or were sinfully alive humans.
After all, they’re master manipulators that rely on following the latest trends across different eras introduced into their afterlives — one river after another! No way would they be unable to catch up with the deets!
So after coming across a pair of Sinners (the unholy trinity being the stalkers they are) posting their rather oriental wedding in deep red and being served on a carriage, Velvette knows it’s time for a CULTURAL weaponization — especially when all three of them are now supervised by a Japan-raised deity girl.
“Babes,” the cedar brown doll is already zooming in the image she’s stolen straight from the OPs. “Our pink-haired, patronizing supervisor from another universe is gonna be BLOWN AWAY, if she sees us dressed in such FUCKING orientality!”
Vox can’t help but lean backwards onto the couch at the allusion of Kotoha Hanami. “Oh my FUCKING god, please don’t remind me of how she can barely control myself over me not knowing that calling somebody mā le gè bī means ‘Your mother’s fucking cunt’!”
“Says YOU, a pendejo who still can’t pronounce ‘gracias’ correctly.”
Realizing that Vox is already growling at the arrogant, smoke-puffing Valentino on the other side of the same couch, Velvette knows she has to step in.
“Look, before you two piss-babies decide to fight – which none of you clearly want.” She automatically flicks up some holograms based on the information in hand. “How about we have a clearly structured division of labor, and simply pick the roles we like?”
“Now that’s our babydoll!” Val is immediately enticed and ready to support his found family, pointing at the sedan (or whatever vehicle that is in the stolen photo). “Okay, I’m the heart of this family, I’ll be the one carrying you two — my two favorite people! — onto my back!”
That’s proven effective in chilling Vox up for a significant amount, his posture leaning forward and actually letting Velvette take control. “Hmmm, actually Vel you’ll look fucking awesome on that red women’s garb! Imagine the numbers you’re gonna make!”
“That leaves me to be… the fashion queen in red!” Vel deduces in a cackle, while briefly turning her head to the resting Shok.wav. “Right, Shok.wav?”
For some peculiar reason, Vox’s favorite pet shark blinks a tad slower than usual, perhaps a little too skeptical about their hasty plan to please their supervisor.
But whatever, the trio has been clouded by sheer excitement intoxicated like wine soaking the insides of their collective brains, and their united fingers have already sprinted into actions on scrolling through every online shopping site available in all of Hell.
~~~
When Kotoha comes through the Cosmic Railway Ltd all the way to Pride Ring’s Pentagram City, she has planned to not be supervising the three evil-doers for too long.
…But witnessing the confusing occurrence like a moving digital photograph makes her realize that she might need to stay at the Vees’ residence a little longer.
Velvette is sitting smugly inside the red bridal sedan, adjusting the ornate garments donned on her head, and looking down her nose at the camera held by Vox. “Take the shot, Vox! The internet is going to literally implode when they see how much I look like a BLOODY unmatched goddess!”
“Perfect!” Vox surprisingly manages to balance one pole while using a cable from his body to adjust the camera. “Val, move the fringe slightly to the left—yeah, maximize the dramatic lighting, babe! Oh, by the way – This is pure gold, Vel!”
And Valentino is the voluntary sedan-carrier.
So that was what Shok.wav meant to her in their DMs by his TV Father Figure, Moth ‘Mami’, and Hot Bitch Auntie misconstruing foreign, eastern culture.
In genuine bewilderment, the pink haired young lassie blinks while holding her clipboard and approaching whatever grand occasion that’s unfolding. “Um hmm, congrats?”
Vel hasn’t captured the connotation from the younger female’s tone, so she’s still smirking from ear to ear under that red veil. “Thanks, Supervisor Bitch! I know, it’s a brilliant look!”
Kotoha takes a few attentive minutes to look between Velvette in that overly snazzy bridal gown, and Vox and Val holding the wedding sedan poles.
Then after looking at the deadpan-looking Shok.wav, her mouth utters something entirely serious and polite to explain the biggest cultural curveball possible.
“Well, you’re not a polycule from what I remember? Did I miss the paperwork for a corporate merger of marriage? Usually, a bridal sedan means a lifelong marital commitment WITHOUT NEEDING IT TO BE WHITE, but since there are three of you intimately parading it…”
Vel’s smugness instantly evaporates, her red eyes visibly twitching from having to reel from the sheer shock she’s just been hit with. “W-WHAT??!!”
“Okay, hold on, culturally that can’t legally count—” Vox’s flat-ass screen face immediately glitches out into blue-screen static, after some hasty quibbling. “A WHAT?!”
Valentino, dropping his end of the sedan pole, involuntarily starts to squeak like the moth he is, while furiously glaring at Vox for being part of this fuck-up. “A poly-who? Wait, who is marrying who? Am I the groom?! Vox you fucking PUTO, ¿eliges a Velvette antes que a mí cuando las dos sabemos que es LESBIANA??? (you are choosing Velvette over me when we both know she's a LESBIAN???)”
Safe to say, while Vox panickedly chases after Val, realizing his beloved partner is going to deny him sex for a whole week over this debacle, Kotoha knows the painfully yelping Vel – who’s been accidentally dropped by both malicious but also moronic men onto the floor – is gonna be needing bruise relief patches for weeks.