Chapter Text
Nori-san was unemployed and gay. They lived with their step-aunt who was a drug addict and their only living relative. Nori-san would wake up every day, do the house chores, get yelled at by their step-aunt, cook breakfast, get yelled at by their step-aunt, take the trash out, get a beer bottle thrown at them by their step-aunt, and then go do their part-time job. One day, Nori-san comes back home, only to be met with their step-aunt at the doorway, a suitcase in hand.
"We're in debt," She said. "So…to pay the bills…I had to sell you to…"
"To One-direction!?" Nori-san yells in surprise.
"No, One-direction has bought too many people. I don't think they have any space left. So I sold you to Diluc Ragnvindr." Their step-aunt says.
"No!!!!!" Nori-san cries. "What about my dreams? My ambitions? My job interview?"
"What!?!?!?" The evil step-aunt screams. "Listen here, Nori-san. In this house, we don't do employment. Never let me hear you saying the J-word ever again."
Nori-san got so sad that they ran out crying, wiping their tears away as they reached closer and closer to their highschool. Yes, highschool. Of course they were in highschool. Highschool is where all of these stories start.
Nori-san was so busy crying that they didn't even notice Jojo Siwa walking towards them. Jojo Siwa was the most popular plastic queen bee girl of the school. Despite being rich and spoiled and having every luxury she could dream of, Jojo Siwa was extremely jealous of Nori-san, while the latter stayed ignorant. You see, Nori-san was not like the other gays.
No matter how hard she tried, Jojo Siwa could as gay as Nori-san, because Nori-san was just naturally gay. Jojo would never be able to be on the level of gay as Nori-san was, so Jojo couldn't help but seize this opportunity to bring Nori-san down.
She deliberately bumps into Nori-san, pushing them back. "Look, who's here." She laughed manically. Nori-san stumbles to their feet, pushing their glasses up their nose.
"H-H-H-H-Hi, Jojo Siwa." They stammer.
"It's Queen Jojo for you, peasant." Jojo Siwa pushes them back again, walking away as she laughed again, ignorant of the fact that Nori-san is secretly the lost heir to the throne and their future dragon-born high fae human-tiger-cheetah-spider monkey-banana-mushroom-armadillo hybrid monarch of their kingdom. But that's not on her since no one really knows about it yet.
Nori-san sniffles as they bend down to pick up their fallen books. Suddenly, a hand starts picking up their books for them. Nori-san looks up to see who it is, only to find…Diluc Ragnvindr?!?!?!
Diluc Ragnvindr was the coolest hottest sexiest most mysterious teenage mafia boss ever. He picked up their books for them and then hands it to Nori-san. "Watch where you're going next time." He growls. From a young age, Diluc couldn't talk. Since he was also an immortal ancient vampire who was born in the Jurassic era and raised by dinosaurs, he can only ever communicate by growling, rasping, whispering, croaking and saying things (hoarsely).
"T-t-t-t-t-t-thank you," Nori-san says.
All this time, Jojo Siwa watched from the sidelines, seething in jealousy. Everyone knew that Jojo had a long-time crush on Diluc even though Diluc had rejected everygay in school.
Jojo knew she had to get rid of Nori-san before Nori-san became a serious threat to her plans to become the best gay. And the plan to become the Diluc Ragnnvindr's girlfriend.
So, Jojo Siwa decides to bully Nori-san, which practically means she tries to attempt murder. With a pair of rainbow safety scissors, Jojo Siwa kidnaps Nori-san.
"Karma's a bitch, you should've known better." Jojo Siwa cackles and raises her knife.
"NOOOOO HELP ME!!!" Nori-san yells, and then the door to the secret warehouse bursts open, and out comes…STRAIGHT HARRY STYLES!?!?!?!
"Oi, it's chewsday t'day mate, not a good day to put a knoife in someone's chest, innit?"
"Straight Harry Styles? P-please, it's not what it looks like! Nori-san was trying to hurt me!" Jojo lies. Straight Harry Styles was the ex she left for Diluc. "Please, believe me. Don't you remember the good times?"
"You know it's not the same as it was." Straight Harry Styles sighs sadly.
"So, you think you can save them?" Jojo Siwa says angrily.
"No…but he can."
Kaeya Alberich bursts through the door. The other door. He was the second coolest hottest sexiest most mysterious teenage mafia boss ever. He smirks seduktively when he sees Nori-san.
"Hey gurlie, hold still." He says, also seduktively.
"That's not your line." Nori-san says.
"Hoyoverse doesn't give me lines, so I steal them."
Kaeya frees Nori-san and then rescues them like the green flag he is. But as they are getting out in the cold of the night, Kaeya gives Nori-san his jacket. The jacket gets blown away in the wind. The silhouette in front of the moon stands like a dreadful prophecy. It was Diluc.
"Grr," Diluc growls. "Stay away from them. They are mine."
"No," Kaeya backfires. "They are mine."
"No," Diluc fires his back. "They are mine."
"Mine,"
"No, mine,"
"Nooo, mine."
"Nuuu, mine :("
"Why do you want them anyway?" Kaeya yells.
"I want them. I need them. For Justice. For Gotham." Diluc the resident batman says.
Then the two brothers start fighting.
Nori-san had an iron deficiency, so all this fighting made them dizzy. They lose consciousness, not before spotting someone who mysteriously looked like…Draco Malfoy?
TBC