Archive of Our Own

Mid-May

SungSeung

7:08 am

Ji: good morning, what are you doing today?

Min: good morning, today is my one free day this week

Min: so I'm going to read a book and take a nap, when the time is appropriate

Ji: BORING

Ji: I wanna cash in a chore :D 

Min: no.

Ji: yes! You owe meeee

Ji: I just had a baby, don’t you want to help me out? :( 

Min: having a baby was a choice you made

Min: and I already have plans, I can’t take them back

Ji: take them back PUHLEASE

Ji: I could reaallllyyyy use a maid todayyyy

Ji: KIM SEUNGMIN RESPOND BACK

Ji: WE HAVE READ RECEIPTS ON I CAN SEE YOU READING THESE

Ji: fine I’m calling Innie

Min: DONT

Min: he’s in Busan this week with his brother, don’t get him involved. 

Min: I’ll be over at 11.

Ji: yay! Love you!

– 🐶 – 

Right at eleven, Seungmin knocked on the door to the Lee home, listening to the sound of Jisung rushing to the door to open it. On the other side, the older looked surprisingly put together, his clothes matching (even if they were sweats), and his brown curls pulled back into a bun. Seungmin could see smudges on his glasses though, and he was tempted to clean them, but he crossed his hands in front of him instead, telling himself it was okay, they didn’t need to be fixed. 

Clean, clean, clean…

“Hi! I’m so glad you’re here!” Jisung smiled, pulling him into the home. “Hm, it feels like I haven’t seen you in forever!” he laughed, giving Seungmin a hug.

Seungmin stayed stiff as a board, waiting for Jisung to let go of him. “I saw you two weeks ago, remember? When I got home from my trip and I met your baby?”

“Yes, I remember, I was just saying,” Jisung rolled his eyes, letting go of him to bring him inside more. “Everyone’s been over to visit, but I understand your schedule is really busy so you haven’t been able to stop by, so this means a lot that you chose me over a book and a nap.”

“Why would I need to stop by? I know you’re fine, and the baby is fine, so…” Seungmin took his shoes off and lined them up at the door, then hung his bag up, making sure it wasn’t tilted. 

Perfect, perfect, perfect

“Some people just like to see their friends, I don’t know,” Jisung huffed, “it keeps me from going insane, especially since Min went back to work on Monday.”

“You have the baby to talk to though, that should be enough,”

“She has a name, Minnie,” 

“Bomi, yes I’m aware,”

Sighing, Jisung decided to lose this fight. It was fine, he knew Seungmin meant well. Besides, he had better things that he knew he was going to have to fight the puppy on. Things that he was very excited about, so much that he didn’t mind that he would have to strangle Seungmin to make him agree.

“Anywho, I need help with organizing my clothes, can you help with that?” Jisung asked.

“How much is there?” Seungmin asked, following Jisung down the hallway. 

“I have all of my winter clothes, pregnancy clothes, and summer clothes that need to be pulled out or put away. It’s…kind of a lot,” cringing, Jisung pushed his bedroom door open, and Seungmin froze. There were clothes everywhere, on the floor, the bed, the closet was barfing out sweaters and pants, how does someone who wears the same three sweatshirts every week have so many clothes?

“Jisung, this is a major hazard, how…” left speechless, Seungmin surveyed the damage, stepping over a pile of shirts.

“It didn't look like this before you came over, I swear. I started pulling everything out when Bo went down for her nap, and it just sorta exploded,” Jisung chuckled, his cheeks red. “And most of it’s clean! Just not the stuff…oh, this pile,” he pointed to the pile by the bathroom, “everything else is clean, and I have boxes, they’re in the hallway.”

Rubbing his face, Seungmin internally groaned and mentally started organizing everything in his head. Two or three boxes for winter clothes, two boxes for pregnancy clothes, the summer stuff will go in the closet and dresser…okay, this could work.

“Okay, this is doable, I think. If you start making piles, we can get seasons sorted, and once we start folding everything it’ll look cleaner, and not so…much.” he nodded, gesturing to the room. 

“Yes! Oh, I knew I could count on you!” Jisung squealed, stepping over the clothes to get to the bathroom. “Also, there’s something in here for you,”

“In your bathroom?”

“Yes!” 

Seungmin didn’t like that smile Jisung had on his face, he was–oh no. oh…no.

“Jisung, I am doing you a favor by being here, I will not feed into your weird kinks,”

“Ew, no! This isn’t a kink, Min, this is purely for entertainment purposes, and you agreed, no take backs!” Jisung pouted, “Lixie dropped it off after you texted, don’t ask me why he had it in his closet, but…please?”

Eyes large and brown, Jisung stuck out his bottom lip, and fuck, why was he so good at making that face? Seungmin crossed his arms in front of him, not wanting to give in. but…he did agree, even if it was just to get Jisung to do what he wanted when the agreements were exchanged. He knew what was waiting for him in the bathroom, and just thinking about having a strange outfit on, with a texture he doesn’t know, showing skin he doesn’t want seen…Jisung looked like he needed a laugh though, even if his smile seemed genuine. It must be lonely, being stuck here with a baby, and no one to relate to. He had Minho, of course, and it sounded like the others came over, but Seungmin read about the effects of postpartum after Jisung gave birth, and how it totally changed your system. So…

Don’t, don't, don’t

“Fine, but you will not tell anyone, and you will not take any pictures. I’m doing this for your eyes only. If you pull your phone out, I’m leaving.” Seungmin warned, pushing his way into the bathroom.

“I won’t say a peep, Minnie, you’re the best!” Jisung smiled, and he closed the door in his face.

“And you’re a freaky bitch!”

– 🐶 –

Seungmin tugged at the skirt around his waist, pulling it down so it covered his briefs. Stupid Felix and his stupid little body, Seungmin was longer and thicker than him, so why would they think this would fit him? Lifting his arms, the skirt rode up again, and he gave up. Only Jisung would see him, and he was mostly covered, the black fluffy skirt had a strange fabric on the inside, and it made his legs itch. The top half wasn’t so bad, a little tight on his arms, but the fabric was soft and stretchy, which he could handle. 

The things he did for his friends.

Wrong, wrong, wrong…

Glancing in the mirror, Seungmin cringed, his body awkward and unconfident in the unusual dress. He much preferred his loose long sleeve shirts, his baggy pants, and hats that covered his face so no one could tell he was avoiding eye contact or making odd facial expressions as they talked to him. Jeongin was always trying to get him out of his comfort zone, making him try new styles when the younger switched up his closet, but Seungmin knew what he liked, and he knew that he could function better when he stuck with what he preferred. 

Unable to look at himself any longer, he hid his emotions and opened the door, Jisung now sitting on the bed with his daughter in his arms. Great, now the baby has to witness this as well.

“You look hot,” Jisung immediately said, his jaw dropped as Seungmin shuffled around the piles of clothes, his arms around his waist. “Minnie, I’m being serious, you look good.”

“Shut up, I told you this was a kink,”

“I can think my friends are hot!” Jisung defended, picking up a bottle. “Bomi-yah, what do you think? Does Uncle Minnie look hot?” he asked, and Seungmin rolled his eyes.

“Don’t ask her that, she shouldn’t be exposed to this kind of stuff at such a young age,”

“Min, she’s two weeks old, she only knows how to eat, cry, and sleep.”

Waving him off, Seungmin went out into the hallway and grabbed a box, taking it back into the room. “I’m starting on the winter clothes, once she finishes eating you need to try on your summer clothes so we know what can go in the closet, and what needs to be donated or put away for later. Same with your pregnancy clothes, are you keeping everything, or donating some stuff?”

“I have to donate stuff?” Jisung gasped.

“You do not need this many clothes when you wear the same outfit every week,” Seungmin gestured to him, and Jisung pouted. “So, you need to try on things before we put them in the correct places.”

“I don’t know…” Jisung mumbled, and Bomi let out a weak cry before he started feeding her, the newborn quickly eating what she was given. “I haven’t gained that much weight, have I? My summer clothes should still fit?”

“You don’t want me to answer that.”

“Oh,” Jisung frowned, looking down at himself. “I can go through the summer clothes, then, just do all the winter stuff, and I’ll help with the pregnancy stuff once my hands are free, I don’t think any of it will need to be donated.”

“Hm, planning on having another one?” Seungmin asked, sitting in front of a pile of sweaters. 

“Not sure, we’ve always said Minho would have the second one, but he’s so against the idea, so maybe it’ll be me again…” Jisung sighed, “and if Lixie gets lucky and ends up pregnant, I can give my clothes to him.”

“They won’t fit him,” 

“Gee, thanks.” Jisung huffed. He bit the inside of his cheek so he didn’t say anything rude, because Seungmin was here to help, and he didn’t have a filter. You know that voice that tells you not to say something because it might be rude? Yeah, well, somehow while being created, Seungmin’s voice was forgotten.

Looking up, Seungmin saw the annoyed expression on the older’s face, and he looked back down. That was not the right thing to say, it made him upset. 

Fix, fix, fix

“Felix just has a different body type, that’s all. You’re a little taller than him, and maybe he would want new clothes.” Seungmin said, placing another sweater in his pile. Close enough to an apology.

“I guess,” Jisung mumbled, “it doesn’t matter. It’s all going in a box or two and I’ll put it somewhere reachable so if I need it, I can get it.”

“Okay,” Seungmin nodded, feeling himself start to zone out as he kept folding. “Just come help when she’s finished.”

“I will, Seung, maybe like another fifteen minutes and then I can start helping,” Bomi made a noise and Jisung cooed at her, a smile returning to his face. “Yes, I’m going to help Minnie, and you’re going to go back to sleep, my little one.”

Looking up at the nickname, Seungmin narrowed his eyes at the baby. “That’s what Chan-hyung calls us, why did you take that from him?” Seungmin asked.

“Because it’s what Chan calls us, I’m passing it on,” Jisung smiled, making a face at his baby. “You like it, don’t you Bo? You like being my little one.”

“Chan said it first.” Seungmin mumbled.

Stolen, stolen, stolen…

Jisung ignored him, and the two fell into silence as they worked on their separate things, the atmosphere awkward, but not uncomfortable. Honestly, the two haven’t spent a lot of time together, they always had their friends or partners with them, it was never just them. That’s one of the reasons Jisung had wanted to do these chores so much, because he wanted to spend time with Seungmin, but sometimes it felt like the other didn’t want to spend time with him. And maybe they just weren’t compatible like that, maybe Jisung just needed to accept that he and the weird puppy weren’t meant to be super  close with each other. It was kind of a sad thought, because he loved him, but sometimes…they were just too different.

 – 🐶 – 

“Jisung, if I can wear a maid dress in front of you, you can try on these shirts and pants in front of me. It’ll be faster than heading to the bathroom for everything, just change!” Seungmin groaned. They’ve been fighting about this for five minutes, and that’s five minutes wasted on energy he could’ve used to keep sorting. 

“I’m not changing in front of you after you’ve told me I’m fat in like three different ways since being here, why would I let you see my body?” Gathering up the clothes Seungmin deemed as summer clothes, Jisung was filling his arms with items to take into the bathroom. “Also, keep your voice down, unless you want to take care of Bo while I change,”

“No thank you…” Seungmin sighed, glancing at the bassinet that held the sleeping baby. “Does she cry a lot?”

“Not really, but she’s loud when she does,” Jisung dropped the clothes on the bed, giving up. “Turn around.”

“Fine,” Seungmin shrugged, glad that he won. His logic was just better than Jisung’s and that will always be something to smile over. As he turned around the skirt swished across his legs, and he looked down, cringing, but also…he twisted his hips again, watching the skirt sway and slightly bounce. 

Pretty, pretty, pretty –

Stopping his thoughts, he looked back up, his cheeks reddening. Don’t think that, this isn’t normal. 

“Fuck…” glancing behind him, Jisung was tugging on a pair of jeans, the waist stopping too low. “Fuck,”

“I don’t think they fit–”

“I know, Seungmin,” Jisung bit, glaring at him. “They won’t even go past my fucking hips, just—donate them, I don’t care,” he shoved the pants off, chucking them to the floor. “Donate them all, they’re all the same size.”

“You should try on at least three pairs just to make sure, and we can put some in storage, not-not everything needs to be donated…” Seungmin said, avoiding Jisung’s anger. Huffing, Jisung grabbed a pair of shorts, pulling them on. They were almost promising, then the button stopped reaching. “Those can be saved, it’s just your belly in the way, that’s easy weight to lose,” he nodded, trying to be helpful.

“You’re supposed to be turned around.” Jisung mumbled, taking the shorts off. Seungmin rolled his eyes as he turned, listening to Jisung try on another pair. Quiet for a few moments, Seungmin froze when the sudden sound of sniffles appeared behind him.

No, no he doesn't do tears, he doesn’t know what to do…call Chan, or Minho, maybe Felix? Anyone but him!

“Um,” swallowing, Seungmin stayed facing the door. “Are you…okay?”

“Just g-great, totally,” Jisung whispered, “totally fine.”

“Are you upset about the clothes?” He asked, hoping Jisung wouldn’t answer.

Jisung let a little whine escape from his throat. “My body just created the m-most beautiful baby on this planet, and I’m mad I can’t fit into m-my clothes anymore.” He cried. 

“Bodies don’t just bounce back after tenth months of growth, Jisung,” Seungmin said, tapping his foot. “And it’s not like it’s going to be that way forever, you can go to the gym, you can diet, you can buy bigger clothes…you had the baby two weeks ago, I would be scared if you were suddenly skinny again.”

“Bomi.”

“Hm?”

“Her name is Bomi. She has a name, Seungmin, and I don’t know why you won’t use it!” Jisung growled, pulling his sweatpants back on. “You are so disconnected from e-everything, you won’t use my daughter’s name, you won’t apologize to me after hurting my feelings, you only state facts and things that you think make me feel good, but they don’t! Yes, I could go to the gym, but it’s kinda hard when I have Bomi with me, but you just don’t understand what it feels like to be in a body you don’t know, and you don’t know how to care for. Other people would be comforting me, sympathizing, and all you do is tell me to go on a diet!”

Squeezing his eyes shut, Seungmin counted to ten before releasing a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. He didn’t want to be scolded, he didn't want to be told that he was wrong, because he wasn’t. He was trying to help, and he made some good points, why can’t Jisung just accept the tips and get over it?

“We’ll keep the clothes, and you can ask Changbin to help you work out, and ask Felix to babysit if Minho can’t. Then, you can wear these clothes again, but for now, buy some that actually fit.” Seungmin didn’t wait for him to respond, he just grabbed the clothes on the bed and started folding, placing them neatly in piles of shirts, shorts, and pants. 

Control, control, control.

“Why d-do you have to be so…”

“If you’re going to say rude, I’m not. I’m being honest.”

“...autistic.”

Body shutting down, Seungmin could feel the air on his skin, the sleeves on his arms, the socks on his feet. No one has said that to him in a long time, and he was hoping that they all forgot that that was something about him. That he was different, that he didn’t function right, that he didn’t…

“I’m sorry, that was mean of me. I’m just mad at myself, I shouldn’t be taking it out on you,” Jisung reached a hand out to touch his arm, and he backed away. “Minnie, I’m sorry.”

“I want to change,” he said, moving to the bathroom. “I’m changing, and then you will take your baby to the living room and I will finish cleaning.”

“O-okay, yeah, if you’re sure you don’t want help…”

“I’m sure.” He shut the door and ripped the dress off of him, the small feeling of something leaving his chest as he tossed it on the floor, putting his own clothes back on. Because he’s not a monster, and he has problems, he carefully hung the dress back up on the hanger Jisung gave him, smoothing out the skirt, the sleeves, the ruffles, before putting it on the back of the door, placed carefully and perfectly in the spot he found it. He didn’t want to look at it, but he did anyway, pinching the fabric one more time between his fingers before opening the door. Jisung was gone, the newborn as well, and he could finally breathe.

“Okay, better,” he whispered, “now I can actually get this done.” 

Being a maid wasn’t as easy as he thought it would be.

– 🐶 – 

Wiping his forehead, Seungmin stood up and surveyed his work. Two and a half hours of silence, concentration, and avoiding thinking about Jisung, he managed to get everything sorted and put away. The winter clothes took up three boxes, because Jisung has a shopping problem, the pregnancy clothes only took one box, because as much as he doesn’t like it, those clothes are what fit Jisung the best right now. So, Seungmin made the decision to keep all his pants out, and then put the rest away. Now the closet was filled with things Jisung could actually wear, and everything else could be pulled out later.

Finishing up, he stacked the boxes up against the wall, then walked out to the living room. He spotted the baby first, laying in a crib next to the couch, asleep. Hm, babies were kinda boring. Slowly, he peeked over the edge, the burritoed child sucking on a pacifier, her eyes so squished by her cheeks you could only see her lashes peeking out of the folds. She was kinda cute…

“Oh, hey, I didn’t hear you come out here,” Jisung said, returning from the kitchen, two bowls in his hands. “I uh, I made ramen, this is for you if you want it.” He held a bowl out, and Seungmin took it, quietly sitting down in front of the coffee table. 

“I finished,” Seungmin commented after a few minutes, “everything that can go in storage is by your door. I didn’t put anything in a donate box, that can be done on your own time.”

“Oh,” Jisung nodded, “thanks, I’m sorry I wasn’t more help,”

“I kicked you out, and it went faster without you trying to help,” shrugging, Seungmin started eating, his noodles cooled down enough. “Everything in your closet is practical, and things that I know would fit you. The linen pants, sweats, and anything you wore while pregnant. And maybe you’ll be mad about that, but if you don’t want to be upset, you'll wear what fits.”

“Right,” Jisung whispered, “Min, I shouldn’t have said those things about you, you know I don’t see you like that,”

“But you do, Jisung. And so does everyone else. It only bugs me when it’s pointed out in my face, you don’t think I know? I don’t–I don’t see it as a disability, and I’m fine as I am, but having you just say it to my face kinda hurts.”

“I’m really sorry, Minnie,” Jisung’s hand reached out, but he stopped himself, slowly pulling back. “It won’t happen again, I promise.”

Nodding, Seungmin didn’t believe him, but he was low on battery and he was getting the itch to go home and curl up in bed. “Okay.” 

Home, home, home

They ate the rest of their food in silence, Jisung stuffing his cheeks, and Seungmin taking reasonably sized bites. Sitting in the quiet only made his itch worse, so once he finished drinking the broth, he stood up, took his bowl to the kitchen, and went to the front door to grab his things. 

“Headed out?” Jisung asked, getting up.

“Yes, my maid duties are over, and I want to go.” He shoved his shoes on, grabbed his bag and slung it around his shoulder. 

“Oh, okay,” the older nodded, but his face was sad. “Well, um, I’ll let you know when I need a maid next, I guess, and we can hang out again, hopefully have a better time…” Seungmin opened and closed the door, stepping out into the warm air. Breathing it in, his mind cleared slightly, the fresh breeze loosening his skin and giving him the relief he needed. Yes, it was probably rude that he didn’t say bye, or let Jisung finish talking, but he knew that when he was done, he had only a few minutes before he exploded. So, he’ll be nicer next time, but today was now over and he needed to escape.

– 🐶 – 🐶 – 🐶 –

The next weekend…

2min

4:47 pm

Ho: I’m cashing in a chore

Seung: uhhh

Seung: only Jisung can use those

Ho: he gifted me one

Ho: come over at 5:30

Seung: yes because I don’t have anything going on right now

Ho: yennie said you’re free, i asked

Ho: your boyfriend wants you to come over

Ho: see ya in 40!

Seung: whatever

– 🐶 –

Seungmin stood at the front door, hesitating to knock. He was already one minute past, and his fingers twitched with the knowing that he wasn’t on time. Well, he was on time, as usual, but the sound of a screaming baby on the other side of the door made his skin crawl. 

Loud, loud, loud!

Jisung was right, that kid did have a good set of lungs on her, and she was using them to their fullest potential. What made babies cry? Was she hungry? Did she need to be changed? Tired? Did she get dropped and her head is split open and bleeding, and now she’s going to –

Two minutes past the time he’s meant to be here, and the crying is more muffled than before. Not great, but better than when he got there. Fixing his hair under his baseball cap, he reached out and knocked, hoping they heard him over the crying.

The door opened a minute later, Minho on the other side looking frazzled. “Minnie, hey,” he smiled anyway, letting him in. “You’re not on time today, is everything good?”

“I was on time, but the baby was crying.” Seungmin said, lining his shoes up. 

“Ah, I see,” Minho hummed, “it’s Bomi, by the way.”

Huffing, Seungmin nodded, following Minho to the kitchen. “I’m not stupid, I know her name.”

“Then use it, yeah?” Minho said, his head tilted. “Jisung has her in the nursery, sometimes babies get fussy, and today is one of those days. Nothing can make her happy, which in turn makes us a little crazy. So today, you’re going to help me make dinner.” He pulled out a pot, filling it with water.

Failing to follow along, the baby let out a long scream, and Seungmin couldn’t hear anything Minho said. “Um…sorry, I missed that,”

“Dinner, Minnie,”

Crying, crying, crying!

Why was it so loud! “I didn’t hear you, I’m doing what?” He asked, and suddenly it wasn’t just the baby, the fridge was buzzing, the water was running, the cats were meowing, Minho kept talking, talking, talking–why did they have so many noises?!

“Seungmin-ah, do you need –”

The baby screamed again, and Seungmin couldn’t take it anymore, his hands flew up to cover his ears as he crouched down, his head resting on his knees. He needed to leave, this wasn’t going to be a good day for him, and if he could, he’d probably cry just like the baby, and that made him angry. He shouldn’t be stressed out like this, he’s worked so hard to be more than this, why is he letting the noise get to him? Why is it suddenly too much? Why won’t the baby stop–

His hands were replaced with headphones, and instead of crying, rain noises played in his ears. His body relaxed slightly, unsure how this happened. Taking a deep breath, he fell back onto his bottom, and his mind was finally quiet. Touching the headphones, the cool metal felt nice on his burning skin, and he looked up to find Minho in front of him, phone in hand. 

Minho gave him a thumbs up in a question, looking worried but trying to hide it. Seungmin only nodded back, giving himself some time to regain composure before he stood up, waiting for Minho to show him what to do. Dinner, that's what he wanted help with. Seungmin can do that, he’s good in the kitchen, it’s something he knows. He can do this.

Once the older noticed him, he gave a gentle smile, then pointed to the recipe on the counter. Seungmin assumed he was on the floor for a while, because the recipe was now color coded by name, and he was blue. The ingredients he needed, the directions to follow, all right there, easy and doable. Relaxing even more, he gave Minho a thumbs up, and the two started working together to get the meal finished.

Relax, relax, relax…

– 🐶 –

Seungmin didn't notice Jisung in the kitchen at first, but when the brown haired mouse came and stole a bell pepper from the plate he was chopping on, he jumped and dropped the knife, the blade landing right on his finger.

“Oh, shit, Minnie!” Jisung gasped, quickly grabbing Seungmin’s hand. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, fuck, let me go get the first aid kit!”

Seungmin just stood there, watching the blood drip down his finger. He couldn’t even hear Jisung, but he looked panicked. Yes, it hurt, but a bandaid would be fine. Slowly pulling away, he turned to the sink and ran his finger under the water, and when he looked behind him, Minho was holding out a paper towel, and Jisung was missing. 

Taking the towel he wrapped his finger up, applying pressure as he waited for Jisung to return, because he was assuming he was getting a bandaid. Minho tapped his shoulder, pointing to his ears and Seungmin looked around, trying to find the baby. The older made a sleeping gesture, and as Jisung returned with a little kit, Minho took the headphones off, the rain disappearing.

“Are you okay? It didn’t cut too deep, right?” Jisung asked, frantically pulling out bandaids and gauze. Seungmin could feel the anxious energy radiating off of him, and it made him squirm. 

“I’m fine, just didn’t know you were around,” Seungmin said, grabbing a bandaid. “I only need this, you’re making the counter a mess.”

“I’m just worried, it was totally an accident, your poor finger,” Jisung whined, and Seungmin shrugged.

“Hm, it’s fine,” he picked up the knife and took it back to the sink, quickly cleaning it so he could use it again. Minho didn’t even acknowledge him, the older was humming a song, apparently not concerned with the situation that had happened. Good, it wasn’t a big deal anyways, Jisung was just dramatic. “You’re in my way, hyung,” 

“Oh, sorry,” he stepped back, the first aid kit now cleaned up and back in his hands. “Well, hey, Bo’s asleep, do you guys need any help?”

“From you?” Seungmin raised a brow, and Jisung nodded eagerly. “Earlier this week in the group chat Minho said you burnt everything and two pots had to be thrown out, I think you should stay out of the kitchen.”

“That wasn’t my fault, Soonie climbed up on the counter and…” unimpressed, Seungmin turned back to his chopping, waiting for Jisung to disappear again. “I’ll be in the living room, then,” 

The mouse shuffled away, and Minho hummed behind him, grabbing Seungmin’s attention. “So, why are you mad at him?”

“I’m not,” 

“Then why are you being rude to him? Ever since Bomi came around, you’ve totally pushed him away, but I guess you and him have always been a little distant.” Minho said, leaving his spot at the stove to lean up against the counter next to him. 

“We’re friends, just not best friends. That’s Felix and Hyunjin.” 

“He wants you to be his best friend too, you know.”

“Why? He already has two, three is too many.”

Sighing, Minho crossed his arms, nodding to Seungmin's statement. Good, he agrees.

“Sung told me about what happened last week, and what he said to you. He feels really bad about it, and I think he’s just trying to make it up to you, and have you back as a close friend,” Minho said, “I also know that you won’t allow him to get close, even though he wants to be. I don’t know what you have against my husband, but if we need to talk about it, we can.”

“I don’t have anything against him, Jisung apologized after, so he’s…fine,” holding up the plate, Minho took it and dumped the veggies into the pan, the sizzling loud as they cooked. “Maybe he’s trying too hard, maybe he should just leave me be. We've known each other for five years, shouldn’t what we have right now be enough?”

“But that’s not how Jisung works, he likes to have constant confirmation that people like him, that he’s cared for, that he has friends who want to be with him. He just wants you to be there, Seung,”

“Then he sounds more broken than me, because obviously Jisung has people who like him.”

“But not you,”

“I never said I hated him!” Seungmin groaned, “he just wants to be super close, and I don’t need that, I’m okay with the friendship we have! And yeah, maybe he pissed me off last week, but I’m over it, and he should get over it too. It wasn’t that big of a deal, and that’s his thing! He always makes everything a big deal, he’s worse than Hyunjin! I’m not mad at him, but he makes me want to be mad if he keeps bugging me about every little thing that he does wrong!” Not expecting to blow up, Seungmin takes in Minho’s face of disbelief and quickly closes his mouth, realizing he’d said too much. If people would stop pestering him, he wouldn’t say the things that make them angry with him!

Mad, mad, mad

“What else?” Minho asked, surprising Seungmin.

“What?”

“You clearly have a lot of stuff to say about this, so just…say it. No one will be upset, so just get everything off your chest, and then we can have dinner and start over.” Minho waved him on, his face clear of any ill intentions as he waited.

“I…” looking behind him, Jisung was nowhere around, so he took the bait. “I don’t understand why he keeps telling me your daughter’s name. I know what it is, but he reminds me every time I see you guys.”

“You are the only one who won’t call her Bomi, and it feels like you don’t like her,”

“She doesn’t even know me, she doesn’t know anything, she’s a newborn.”

“It matters to us, Seungmin. That’s our baby, your niece, she’s part of our family now, she should be able to be called by her name.”

“I don’t have a connection with her, hyung. She’s just…a baby. She’s a little thing that eats and cries, she has no skills, no thoughts, no–”

“Hey, that’s my daughter, Min,” Minho warned, turning around to look at him. His eyes were hard, and Seungmin froze. “You were so excited to meet Bomi, for her to join our family, so when did she become a little thing?”

“I don’t…know,” he whispered, “I just met her and she didn’t…she was just there. I liked her, I wanted to see her after Innie just kept talking and talking about how cute she was, but then I came over a-and Jisung didn’t even ask if I wanted to hold her, so I assumed I was…nothing.”

“Seungmin,” Minho sighed, his heart broken. “That’s not true at all. You should’ve asked, why didn’t you? Yennie told us you might be hesitant, and we didn’t want to force her on you if you were going to be upset about it.”

“I’m n-not broken, why do I keep getting treated like a little kid?” His voice was strained, a lump in his throat forming. “You all–I’m not some stupid baby, I don’t get upset with every single thing, I can control myself when I’m overwhelmed, I am a f-fucking grown adult who has been fine for years, and suddenly this baby comes around and now I’m the one who needs to be cared for?” a tear escaped his eye, and he wiped it away, angry that it even appeared. “It was you guys who started treating me differently f-first, I don’t need someone to speak for me, I do just fine on my own. I don’t need someone to protect me from anything that might set me off, because I can decide what those things are, not anyone else. I don’t know when I became a ticking time bomb, but if you’re waiting for me to explode, then this is it.”

Walking away, he headed for the bathroom, needing to take a minute to regroup. He wasn’t ready to leave yet, he was hoping that getting everything off his chest would make a change, and Minho would be the start of it. The older called after him but he didn’t listen, he just closed the door and locked it, slumping against the sink to take a breath. 

Looking into the mirror, the sight of something black caught his eye, and he turned around, the maid dress hanging up the back of the door. They left it out…for him. Seungmin didn’t want it, why would they put it out? Were they going to ask him to wear it? Were they expecting him to? Did they really want to see him in it?

Wiping his eyes again, he reached across and ran his hand across the familiar fabric, the puffy skirt, and he hated how mind quieted at the thought of seeing it again. 

Freak, freak, freak!

Pulling his hand away as if it burned, he held it to his chest, glaring at the dress. It shouldn’t be tempting, it shouldn’t be something he wants, and he wishes he didn’t like the way it felt when he put it on. He wasn’t like this, he had a respectable job, an image to uphold, he had a boyfriend who wasn’t into that stuff, and last week was the first time he had ever put on a dress. He could see why Felix might like it, maybe even Hyunjin, but he wasn’t them, he wasn’t some housewife that needed to please.

He pinched his arm at the thought of wanting to put it on again.

– 🐶 – 

Sitting at the table, the silence was so loud, Seungmin almost wished the baby would wake up and start screaming. It was obvious that Jisung had heard his outburst from earlier, if the side glances and red eyes were anything to go off of. Minho was neutral, the middle ground between the two Virgos. He gave them a moment, realized no one would talk, then started serving food so he had something to do. At least he wasn’t upset, Minho didn’t yell at him, tell him he was wrong, he just let Seungmin feel his feelings and moved on.

He wishes Minho would yell at him so he could leave and not have to sit through this awkward dinner.

They ate quietly, Seungmin focusing on what parts of the food he made while he picked at his dinner, mentally nodding in approval at his diced veggies and the evenly cooked noodles. He has always been good at cooking, because that was the only way he could ensure that he was eating foods that were safe and healthy for him. Cooking had order, recipes had directions and steps, everything was already planned out for you, you just had to complete it. It was simple.

A high pitched cry broke out from the living room, and Seungmin outwardly groaned, earning a hurt look from Jisung. Pushing his plate away, the older was about to get up when Minho stood first, giving Jisung a sympathetic smile.

“You’ve been with her all day, love, I’ll get her this time.” He nodded, not giving his husband any room to argue. Jisung watched him leave, his eyes landing on Seungmin once he was gone.

“Hey,” he whispered.

“Hi.”

“I’m sorry.”

Seungmin sighed, putting his chopsticks down and leaned back in his chair. “You apologize a lot. I don’t even know what you want to be sorry for this time.”

“I’m a bad friend,” Jisung mumbled, his eyes glassy. “I didn’t even think about asking you to hold Bomi when you met her, I just didn’t want you to feel forced. And I know I make a big deal out of everything, I’ll try to stop but it’s just m-me, and I’m sorry if I made you feel like you’re nothing, because you aren't. You are one of my best friends, my little brother, and I’m so thankful you’re in my life, I’m sorry I don’t make you feel loved.”

He was crying now, his shoulders shaking with his tears. Seungmin was uncomfortable, not quite sure what he was meant to do. Jisung was apologizing for his mistakes, and Seungmin accepted them. Yeah, he’ll get on his nerves again, but he knows Jisung feels bad, and he thinks that the little mouse might have a touch of postpartum depression. That’s a reasonable explanation for why he’s acting this way, why he’s always sad, and anxious, and kind of hard to be around. No, their relationship wasn’t like this before, but it also wasn’t the most perfect thing in the world. They both had things they could work on, Seungmin could be more reserved with his words if Jisung is going to burst out crying every time he talks, and Jisung could probably learn to take a chill pill and just understand that Seungmin functioned in a different way.

“I forgive you. It hurt, yes, but I don’t hold onto these things, unlike you. I’ve learned throughout my life just to move on, because I don’t have the energy to spend overthinking on small things.” Seungmin said, and Jisung looked up at him. “But Jisung, I don’t want you to ever use autism against me again,” his voice was hard now, and Jisung’s cheeks reddened. “I am more than that, and you know it. You treated me just fine before having a baby, and maybe I haven't been the most open to the idea, or respectful of you and your kid, but I am an adult with an adult life. Just because you have a baby now doesn’t mean everyone else around you is the same as her. Treat me better, Jisung, and I will do the same to you.”

“I will, I p-promise, I will Seung,” Jisung nodded, wiping his eyes. “I’m really sorry,”

“You can stop apologizing, I’m going to move past this after today, and I hope you will too. Keep this conversation in mind, and we’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” Seungmin could see that Jisung wanted to hug him, wanted to show him some love, but he didn’t want to upset him. Sighing, Seungmin raised a brow at him, and Jisung looked up in confusion.

“Don’t assume I don’t want a hug. You ask, and if I say no, then be fine with that. If I say yes, then you can hug me. Stop assuming.”

“R-right,” Jisung coughed, wiping his nose on a napkin. “Can I h-hug you?”

“Yes, you can.” Jisung wasted no time getting up, shuffling around the table to crush Seungmin in a hug, burying his face in his shoulder. Giving himself a second to adjust, Seungmin wrapped his arms around him, and Jisung melted into the touch. Seungmin really didn’t mind touching, hugging, kissing, as long as he was asked, or he knew it was coming. He wasn’t touch starved, but he liked his space, though he enjoyed the touch just as much.

– 🐶 –

Positioned on the couch, Seungmin sat and waited, his leg bouncing as he watched Minho put the baby to sleep, her little mouth sucking on a pacifier as she closed her eyes. Sitting on his right side, Jisung smiled, watching his husband with love in his eyes.

“Ready, Minnie?” Minho asked, and Seungmin nodded, holding his arms out. Slowly, the baby was placed in his arms, and all the noise in the world disappeared and he looked down, his heart calm.

“Hi, Bomi,” he whispered, taking in her little face. She was definitely Jisung’s baby, with her chipmunk cheeks and dark curls. He couldn’t see her eyes or mouth, but he remembered Jeongin telling him they looked just like Minho’s. He smiled at the thought, wondering if she’ll look more like one or the other as she gets older. 

Bomi was heavy in his arms, but he knew that her parents fed her well, and she had Jisung’s eating habits. That was good, babies needed a lot to grow, and she was doing just fine. Being swaddled up, Seungmin couldn’t see the rest of her, but he had a feeling that like her cheeks, her arms and belly and legs looked fluffy and squishy too. A part of him wanted to unwrap her only for the purpose of pinching her softly, but he held back, having a feeling that she was meant to stay asleep.

“She’s pretty great, right?” Jisung asked, a smile on his face. 

“Hm,” Seungmin hummed, gently running a finger across her cheek. “Chunky, and soft.”

Jisung and Minho laughed, the younger resting his chin on Seungmin's shoulder. “We like her like that.”

“She’s cute, too,” Seungmin nodded, “what color are her eyes?”

“Grey for now, but they’ll turn brown soon enough,” Minho said, rocking on his heels. “It’s just a matter of what brown, mine or Sung’s.”

He looked at the two, Jisung with his honey brown, Minho with his deep chocolate. “She has good options, I wouldn’t be too worried.”

“Thanks, Minnie,” Jisung smiled. “Is this…helping? With you liking her?”

“I think so,” Shifting the baby in his arms, he relaxed more into the hold, holding Bomi a little closer to his chest. “I didn’t get to connect with her when we first met. I think that’s why it was hard, because she was new, and I didn’t meet her. When–when I can’t form a bond, things get pushed off to the side. I feel like I don’t have to give my time to someone who isn’t really in my life. That’s why she was just the baby, I didn’t know her,”

“I’m sorry I took that away from you, Min. it wasn’t intentional.” Jisung sighed.

“It’s okay, because now…she’s Bomi,” Seungmin smiled, “I think we could be friends one day.”

“That’s all I want.” Jisung smiled, petting Bomi’s hair. Minho reached over and ruffled Seungmin’s hair, making the puppy glare up at him. 

“Well, now that we’ve got all of this sorted, and we’re all friends again, I have one more request.” Minho smirked, his sight turning to the bathroom. “Sungie said you looked hot, I want to know if I have competition.”

“You definitely don’t, I think it was the hormones,” Seungmin cringed, shaking his head.

Getting on his knees, Minho clasped his hands together and whined. “It was my idea too, Seungmin-ah, please let me see!”

“No, I didn’t like it!”

Lie, lie, lie

“Please Minnie?” Jisung sang, slowly taking Bomi from his arms. 

Growling, Seungmin stood up, stalking off to the bathroom. He didn’t know why he went so easily, and he didn't want to know it was because he actually did want to put it on. Maybe this was a normal thing people did, dressing up like this, showing off, feeling good…but not him! 

Quickly changing, he folded his clothes neatly and pulled on the dress, the sleeves still tight and the skirt still itchy, but now familiar. He tugged at the skirt, and it bounced in place, just like last time. Checking in the mirror, he looked like how he remembered. Awkward, long, lanky, but pretty.

If only the thing actually fit, maybe he would look better.

Hitting his head to get rid of those thoughts, he made sure his cheeks weren’t red before opening the bathroom door, walking out to the living room. The couple was waiting on the couch, talking quietly and Jisung rocked Bomi, the newborn still asleep in his arms. Clearing his  throat, he stood and waited, the air in his lungs burning as he held his breath.

“Wow,” Minho said, his mouth parted slightly. “You do look hot.”

“Told you,” Jisung smirked.

“It doesn’t really fit though, we should get him a size bigger,”

“I don’t know where to find these things,”

“There’s gotta be something online…maybe amazon…”

“Guys,” grabbing their attention, Seungmin crossed his arms, shaking his head. “This is a chore thing only, it’s–it’s fine for now. I only have to wear it like three more times, and I’m fine with how it fits.”

“Ah, so you like things tight,” Minho giggled, and Jisung slapped a hand over his eyes.

Choking on his spit, Seungmin turned around and went back to the bathroom, Minho whistling at his backside. 

His friends were so annoying!

– 🐶 – 🐶 – 🐶 –

Two weeks later, June

SungSeung

12:04 pm

Ji: minnie-maid

Ji: please tell me you’re free today

Ji: I’m desperate

Min: you good?

Ji: no, we’re leaving for Paris on Sunday and I haven’t packed anything for anyone

Ji: Minho’s been out of town for work, I can’t get anything done with Bo

Ji: she’s been needy, I can’t put her down

Ji: please, Min

Min: Innie’s coming with

Ji: yes! okay, anything is fine!

Min: we’ll be over at 12:30

Ji: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

– 🐶 –

“You know, I’m not even mad about our date being cancelled, we get to spend time with little Bomi.” Jeongin smiled, swinging their hands back and forth as they walked up to the Lee house.

“It wasn’t cancelled, it was interrupted and cut short. I didn’t get to finish my sandwich.” Seungmin pouted, and Jeongin kissed his cheek to make it better. 

“We have plenty of other dates to have, and next week we’ll be in Paris, and Chan-hyung said we could do whatever we wanted, so maybe…” Jeongin trailed off, his mouth finding Seungmin’s neck as they stood at the door. They were one minute early, so he couldn't knock just yet, and his boyfriend knew how to distract him.

“If you give me a hickey, I’ll kill you,” Seungmin mumbled, his hands on Jeongin’s waist, “babe, Jisung will freak if he catches us,”

“Just giving you a taste of next week,” Jeongin winked, pulling away. He gasped suddenly, and Seungmin’s eyes widened. “Fuck,”

“Jeongin!” He hissed, pulling out his phone to look in the camera. “You didn’t,”

“I did, maybe we just,” he started rubbing the bruise, and Seungmin flinched, taking a step back. “Okay, um, just give me one, then it won’t be as awkward!”

“I am not giving you a hickey on our friend’s porch, In, just–act cool. It didn’t happen.” Seungmin took a few deep breaths, his boyfriend copying him. Deciding they were calm and totally cool enough, Seungmin knocked, the couple waiting for Jisung to answer.

“Maybe…he didn’t hear it?” Jeongin asked after a minute, no sign of the older coming to the door. 

“Maybe,” Seungmin replied, knocking again. Or maybe Jisung fell and passed out, maybe he was holding Bomi and landed on her, both dead and no one knows, they’re going to have to break the door down, call an ambulance, they need to call–

“Hi!” Jisung panted, the door being thrown open in a rush. He was not put together today, his hair was a mess and his curls were greasy, his clothes didn’t match, and Seungmin is pretty sure he had spit up down the front of his shirt. “Don’t look at me like that, I know I look terrible, Minho has been gone for a week and I didn’t think it would be this hard without him,”

Controlling his face, Seungmin nodded, pulling Jeongin inside. “Lix hasn't come over to hang out?” he asked, putting his shoes in his normal spot.

“No, everyone’s been busy, so I’ve been by myself,” Jisung mumbled, wiping sweat from his forehead. “Um, so yeah, it’s a mess, and I’m trying to do like six things, I just need some help.”

“We can help, hyung, we’ve got time.” Jeongin smiled as they walked into the living room. Yes, it was a mess, laundry covered the couch, and shoes and blankets were all over the floor, suitcases were open and filled with whatever Jisung was packing, but it was obvious he forgot what he was doing halfway through. Cringing, Seungmin didn’t even want to think about what the bedroom looked like, there were probably more clothes there than out here.

“What do you want us to do?” He asked, picking up a blanket to start folding. 

“I want–I want to take a shower, I haven’t had one in two days, and Bo finally fell asleep, so if you two could just wait and listen if she cries, I can shower, change, and pack some stuff before she wakes up.” Jisung said, running a hand through his hair. “Ew, that’s…wet,” he groaned, wiping his hand on his shirt.

“We can do that,” Jeongin nodded, “is she in the nursery?”

“Yes, in her crib, she doesn’t sleep in there yet so she might wake up sooner than I would like, but she has her noise machine, she’s swaddled, she just ate, so maybe…twenty minutes? If we’re lucky,”

“Take all the time you need, I’m sure we can handle her if she wakes up,” the fox smiled, “we can start on folding the laundry while we wait.”

Jisung shook his head, putting his hands out, “you don’t need to do that, I just need a babysitter today, I can do this, I just need a minute to get myself together again.”

“I’ve already folded three blankets, we’ll just keep going until Bomi cries,” Seungmin said, “besides, this is actually driving me crazy that there’s so much here, go shower and get clean, you smell like milk.”

Freezing, Jisung watched the two as they moved around, easily taking control over the mess. He felt bad, but more about himself than having them do his work. The work trip was a last minute thing, and Minho didn’t want to go, but he’s been trying to get a raise, and this might lock it in. Jisung assured him he would be fine for a week, and he hated that he was wrong. He did fine before Bomi, so it couldn’t have changed that much, but the newborn seemed to be aware he was by himself, and chose to be the fussiest baby in the world for the week. Jisung had asked if anyone was available to come over, but everyone was trying to get ready to leave as well, so nothing worked out. Now, he was lonely and a mess, the only thing thriving in the house was his daughter.

“Hyung, really, go clean yourself up, we don’t mind helping,” Jeongin nodded, gently pushing him towards the bedroom. “Go, Jisungie.”

“I’ll be fast, and then I’ll come help.” Jisung nodded, closing his door behind him. 

“He always wants to help, but so far he hasn’t done it,” Seungmin snorted, putting the folded blankets on a chair. “How does a house get this messy anyways? What could he possibly be doing to make it like this?”

“He’s a new dad, and it’s Jisung. He’s always been a little untidy,” Jeongin shrugged, “but we don’t need to be rude about it, we can help without saying mean things.”

Rolling his eyes, Seungmin kneeled down in front of the couch, starting to sort the clothes by person. “Do baby clothes get folded?”

“Um…I dunno,” holding up a little onesie, Jeongin cooed. “It’s so little!”

“Babies do tend to be on the smaller side,”

“Stop it, you can’t tell me that you don’t think baby clothes aren’t cute, it has ruffles, Minnie!”

Shrugging, Seungmin picked up another outfit, folding it in half and placing it aside. “You find the baby clothes, I’ll sort the others. We should be able to get this done pretty fast, if you focus.”

Huffing, Jeongin sat down next to him and together, they did the laundry, working in a comfortable silence. Seungmin always felt calm with his boyfriend, he didn’t know why the younger had that effect on him, but when they met, something just clicked. Seungmin was twenty, Jeongin was eighteen. Jisung had brought the freshman to their study group one day, the boy nervous and baby-faced. One look, and Seungmin felt his heart flutter, but they didn’t make anything official until two years ago, and they only moved in with each other last year. Their relationship was slow, but it was exactly them. They fit together, and Jeongin understood Seungmin like no one else could. They were perfect.

Not much time passed, but eventually the sound of crying came from the nursery, and Jeongin got up. “I’ll get her,” he smiled, kissing Seungmin’s head. “I have your headphones in my bag if you want them,” 

“I’m okay, but thanks.” he nodded, and Jeongin left for a moment, coming back with an upset Bomi in his arms. “Think she knows you aren’t Jisung?”

“Probably, but newborns are quick to adapt, she’ll be asleep in no time.” Rocking her, Jeongin walked around the living room, shushing as he bounced Bomi in his arms. Like he said, the baby calmed within a few minutes, falling back asleep like nothing ever happened.

“You’re good at that,” Seungmin smiled, his boyfriend coming to sit back down with him. “What’s the secret?”

“I have a little brother, so I learned a few tricks,” he whispered, running his finger along Bomi’s nose. “Babies are easy once you have some practice.”

Nodding, Seungmin watched as Jeongin became focused on the baby, his smile soft and his eyes filled with wonder. He was good with kids, Seungmin knew that. During the summers, their university hosted a summer camp for kids, and Jeongin volunteered every year, excited to help and work with them. Seungmin didn’t know why he was going into biochemistry and not teaching, he would’ve been good as a teacher, but he knew the younger liked science just as much. 

Seeing him with Bomi, his heart ached, good and bad. Jeongin was so kind and caring, he always had a soft spot for kids, and seeing him actually like taking care of Bomi, he felt bad about putting his foot down on no kids in their relationship. It was a talk they’ve had a few times, wondering if kids were in their future. Seungmin already knew they were going to get married, it was just a matter of when, but he couldn’t imagine them having their own babies, raising kids, having a family. In his head, it’s always been the two of them, until they die. 

Jeongin never complained, he always agreed, but…would he change his mind? Did he actually want this some day, and he was only lying to keep Seungmin happy? Is he keeping something from the younger, something that he might dream about, all because Seungmin doesn’t want kids like…himself?

“I can hear you thinking…” Jeongin whispered, his cheek on his shoulder. “What’s got my puppy distracted?”

Swallowing, Seungmin looked down at Bomi, then at his love. “Are you happy with me?”

“Huh? Y-yes, of course,” Jeongin sat up straight, looking mildly offended. “Why would you ask me that?”

“Well, you…” not sure how to proceed, Seungmin started folding clothes again, and Jeongin, his sweet Innie, waited for him to be ready. “Are you okay with the life we have right now?”

“I love our life, it’s everything to me,” 

“But do you ever…wish for more?”

Shaking his head, Jeongin leaned over and kissed his cheek multiple times, a pout on his lips. “I don’t need anything but you, Min, we could live on the streets and I’d be okay as long as I had you with me.”

“What about kids?” Seungmin asked, and his boyfriend froze. “Are you wanting to be a parent, eventually?”

Shaking his head, the fox looked confused. “Min, where is this coming from? We’ve discussed this, we aren’t having kids, that’s what we agreed.”

“That’s what I asked of you, and you went along with it,” Seungmin scoffed, glancing at Bomi. “You like her, you get stars in your eyes when you’re around kids, I feel like I took something away from you, and you only said yes to please me.”

“I like you much more than her, even if she is the cutest baby,” Jeongin huffed, “but I don’t want kids, same as you. Sure, they’re fun, sometimes, but that’s because I can give them back to their parents once they’re annoying.”

“So in ten years, when everyone has kids, and they’re taking them on playdates and sending them off to have sleepovers, you’ll be okay not experiencing that?” Seungmin asked. “You’ve never wanted to hear I love you daddy, or I love you appa, you don’t want sleepy cuddles or goodnight kisses, no make-believe or tea parties? You’re okay not having those things?”

Jeongin looked away, tears running down his cheeks, his eyes puffy and nose red. Seungmin didn’t want to see him cry, but they needed to be real, do they have the same future in mind? Jeongin just turned twenty-three, he’s young and wants to be loved, so what if he’s not honest with what he wants? What if he changes his mind, realizing Seungmin isn’t enough?

“Why are you doing this?” Jeongin whispered.

“Because I want to make sure you know what you’re giving away if you stay with me.”

“Do you want to b-breakup? Are you trying to tell m-me something?” 

“No, no I don’t want to break up, I want to be with you, In,”

“Then why are you making me feel like my choices aren’t th-the right ones?” he cried, “I love you, shouldn’t that b-be enough? Why are you p-pushing me, I wasn’t doubting anything, until you started doubting m-me.”

“I didn’t–I wanted to…” confused as to why this was his fault now, why he was suddenly wrong, Seungmin frowned, turning away to finish the laundry. He wasn’t doubting, or being mean, he was only curious. He wasn’t pushing Jeongin to do anything, he simply wanted the correct answers, which were that Jeongin was lying about what he wanted, and then they could discuss what comes next for them. Seungmin wasn’t planning on breaking up, he was actually wanting to do the opposite, which is why he needed Jeongin to be one hundred percent sure he knew what he was getting into if he chose Seungmin over everything else.

Wiping his eyes, Jeongin looked over at his boyfriend, who outwardly looked like this wasn’t affecting him at all, but the way he folded the same shirt three times, smoothed the collar out three times before setting it aside, Jeongin knew he was frustrated. They both needed a few minutes to cool off, and then they could try the conversation again. The couple doesn’t fight often, but when they do, it takes a while for things to get better again.

Switching arms to hold Bomi, Jeongin took a moment to look at her, picturing her as his own. Was this something he wanted? Sure, babies were cute and fun, but at the end of the day, he did not have it in him to take care of someone else for the rest of his life. Yes, there were things he wouldn’t get to have, but trading his sanity, his career, and the love of his life for something he knew he couldn’t handle wasn’t worth it. He’s thought about it, once or twice, in a dream he carried Seungmin’s baby, and they lived…well enough. It wasn’t his favorite dream. 

He liked how things were now, the two were thriving in their fields of study, Jeongin was top of his biochem class, and Seungmin had a great internship at a law firm. Their lives and aspirations were different from those in their friend group, but he was fine with it. He didn’t need to have kids to feel complete, he just needed Seungmin.

“Seungmin,” he said quietly after a few minutes, “I’m ready to talk about it.” The older didn’t look at him, but he waved him on. “Baby, look at me,” Seungmin shook his head, turning away more. “I’m not going to talk to a wall, Min. If you’re not ready to talk, then I can wait, but you need to tell me so.”

Huffing, Seungmin dropped the shirt he had into his lap, his hands coming up to sign. I want you to talk, but I can’t right now. Just talk, Jeongin, I’m listening.

Sighing, the younger nodded. “I don’t want kids. Maybe I’ve thought about it, but I’ve never yearned for them,” huffing, Jeongin couldn’t help but laugh tiredly. “Remember when I thought I was pregnant? That scared the shit out of me, I didn’t want a baby, and I still don’t. I like you, and that’s all I need. I like my job, and you like yours,” Seungmin nodded at that, “you said in ten years everyone will be having playdates and sleepovers. We can do that too, but as uncles. And that sounds perfect, because while everyone else is taking care of kids, we can travel, have our own place, we can have quiet. And I like quiet.”

Me too.

“See? Now we can start agreeing again,” Jeongin said, holding his hand out for Seungmin to take. “I love you, okay? And I don’t need anything or anyone but you, because you make me the happiest person on earth. If we had kids, we wouldn’t be able to go on dates for hours at a time, we couldn’t lay in bed and read together without interruptions, we wouldn’t have leftovers to eat at midnight when we get hungry after a movie. I’m sure others make it work, but we don’t have to worry about those things, because it’s just you and me, darling.”

Nodding, Seungmin took his hand and kissed it, Jeongin’s face lighting up with a smile. Offering a tiny one back, Seungmin leaned in and kissed him softly, relaxing at the feeling of his boyfriend melting in his touch. It was moments like these that Seungmin was grateful for him, because even without words, the younger knew exactly how he felt, and what he meant. Yes, Seungmin would take his time to talk to him when he had his voice back, but for now, Jeongin understood that they were in a better place than before, and that was good enough for him. 

I love you, thank you for being patient with me.

“I love you too,” Jeongin whispered, “and I will always be patient with you.”

– 🐶 –

Something was off. The house was quiet, and Seungmin noticed that a certain brown haired mouse hadn't been around in at least an hour and a half. After the couple had made up, Jeongin put Bomi in her bassinet and together they finished the laundry and cleaned the rest of the living room, with no sign of Jisung. Seungmin knew he at least took a shower, the water had been turned on, and then after a while turned off, but now it was too long of a break between then and now.

Odd, odd, odd…

Whining, Bomi started to wake as the couple sat on the couch, and both froze at the sound. 

“She might be getting hungry,” Jeongin mumbled, his eyes wide. “I don’t know how to feed her.”

 “Most babies take bottles.”

“Well, duh, but I don’t know how much she eats,” 

“A lot, if she’s Minho and Jisung’s kid,” Seungmin snorted, earning a fist to the side. “Ouch…but uh, where is Jisungie?”

“He did say he had packing to do…maybe he’s just been in his bedroom cleaning?” 

“He would’ve come out to check on Bomi, he’s very protective of her.”

Nodding, Jeongin pouted when Bomi started getting fussier. “Right, yeah…we need to figure something out then.”

Dead, dead, dead!

Seungmin stood up abruptly, Jeongin jumping in surprise. “I’m checking on him,” he said, walking away without hearing what the younger replied with. Jisung was dead, he was dead and Minho wasn’t here, they would have to take Bomi and be her guardians, they didn’t even know how to feed her, how would this work, why did Jisung have to… 

Opening the bedroom door, Seungmin held his breath as he looked around the room, eyes widening at the sight of Jisung slumped over on the bed, a shirt in one hand, the other resting under his cheek. Frozen, he waited for a soft snore to escape the older’s lips, and then he released the breath he was holding. He fell asleep, he’s not dead! Now relaxed, he smiled slightly at the sight. Jisung must’ve showered and tried to do some laundry, but fell asleep in the process. Curled up on the bed, he was surrounded by pillows and blankets and clothes, not looking very comfortable, but it must’ve been good enough for him. 

Footsteps came up behind him, and soon a pair of smiling fox eyes were looking over his shoulder. “Aw, he fell asleep,” Jeongin whispered, “do we wake him?”

“How else are we supposed to feed Bomi?” Seungmin whispered back.

“Maybe Minho-hyung knows…think he’d answer if we called?”

“We can try,” Seungmin shrugged, closing the door. The couple made their way back to the living room, Bomi now awake and looking around with wide eyes. “What do we do about…this?”

“If she’s not crying, leave her be. Let’s call Minho and get the bottle recipe.” Jeongin smiled, peering into the bassinet. “Hello, cutie…you have your appa’s eyes, don’t you?”

Seungmin pulled out his phone and clicked Minho’s contact, clicking the facetime option instead of call, then sat back and waited. It rang four times, then connected, Minho on the other end in a dress shirt and perfect hair. 

“Minnie? What’s up, you don’t usually call…are you in my house?”

“Maid duty,” Seungmin sighed, and Jeongin snorted.

“Boo, you should’ve put on the dress, you know you like it,” Minho smirked, and Jeongin whipped his head around to look at Seungmin with wide eyes. 

“Dress?” he whispered, and Seungmin pushed his face away, cheeks on fire.

“Hyung, not the time, I have a situation,” ignoring the comment and the question, he turned his voice serious, and Minho’s smile faded. “Look, I think Bomi needs to eat, but I don’t know what to give her. How do I make a bottle?”

“Where’s Jisung? Are you alone with Bo?” Minho asked.

“No, Innie’s with me, and Jisung is here, but he fell asleep, and we don’t want to wake him,”

“Ah, I see,” Minho nodded, “the measurements are on the formula container, as well as the instructions for how to make a bottle. It’s super easy, you two can figure it out.”

“Oh, I didn’t know they did that,” Jeongin said, getting up to go find the formula. 

“How is everything over there? Is Jisungie doing alright?”

“I don’t think I should answer that,”

“If it’s because you’ll be honest, then that’s why I’m asking you. Every time I’ve called or texted, Sung says he’s doing great, but you know him,” Minho sighed, entering what Seungmin assumed was his hotel room. “He told me he would do just fine on his own, am I okay to believe that’s true?”

“No,” Minho’s face fell into a frown, “the place was a mess when we came, but we cleaned everything up. Jisung was gross and covered in spit up, his hair was disgusting, and he showered for the first time in two days after we shooed him away to get clean. He fell asleep while doing laundry, and I think he’s depressed.”

“Fuck…” Minho sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I tried to get out of this trip, but he insisted I come. I should’ve known this would be too much for him.”

“He tried his best, I think,”

“Still…I’ll be home tomorrow afternoon, he won’t have to be alone for much longer.”

Biting his lip, Seungmin looked behind him and watched as Jeongin made a bottle, his mouth quirked up in a smile. He looked over at Bomi, the sweet baby completely unaware her father was struggling, and two inexperienced twenty-somethings were trying to take care of her. 

Stay, stay, stay

“Hyung,” Seungmin paused–did he really want to? “Innie and I can stay here, until the morning. He was upset that no one was available, but we are. We can stay the night.”

“Minnie, that’s…you don’t have to,”

“He’s struggling, and honestly we were planning to watch a movie and binge eat, but we can do that here,” Seungmin shrugged, “we can have a sleepover.”

Nodding, Minho let out a long sigh. “Thank you, Min. That means a lot to me, and even if Jisung tries to complain, I know it means a lot to him too.”

“I’m more stubborn, and once I have plans set, they have to stay. So I'd like to see Jisung try and get rid of us,” Seungmin smiled, and Minho laughed. Jeongin raised an eyebrow as he came over, bottle in hand, using the other to carefully pick Bomi up.

“What are we laughing about?” He asked, settling down on the couch. 

“Nothing, but we are staying the night.” 

“We are?”

“Yes, and hyung promised to pay for all the food we want, so we should start ordering,”

“Hey, that’s a lie!”

Jeongin laughed, looking into the phone screen. “You’re too sweet, hyungie! We’ll order something good!”

Whatever remark Minho was going to fire back died in his throat as he saw Bomi in Jeongin’s arms, his eyes melting into hearts and a bright smile lighting up his face. “Oh, there’s my sweet Bomi-yah! Hello baby, are you eating so good? Are Yennie and Minnie taking good care of you?”

“Ew, I hate his baby voice,” Seungmin muttered, earning a pinch to his side. 

“Leave him alone, it’s cute that Minho has a soft side now,” Jeongin smiled. The older kept talking to Bomi, the baby watching the phone with wide eyes as she downed her bottle. Seungmin kept him on the phone until Bomi fell asleep, leaving Jeongin covered in spit up after a failed attempt to burp her. Minho had tried to walk them through it, and honestly it shouldn’t have been that hard, but they managed to fuck it up anyway, ending with a happy Bomi fast asleep, a cackling Minho on the phone, a disgusted Jeongin on the couch, and a giggling Seungmin keeping his distance. After that they hung up, Minho promising he would pay them back for any food they ordered because he was a good person and a loving hyung. 

“I’m going to go wash my shirt, then find something else to wear,” Jeongin groaned, walking to the bathroom. 

“Good luck, check the laundry pile on Jisung’s bed for something, they’re all wrinkled anyways.”

Jeongin threw a thumbs up behind him, closing the bathroom door. Only in there for three seconds, he froze, choking on his spit when he saw what was hung up on the door. “No fucking way…” he whispered, gaze dragging over the maid dress. 

Now this, he has to see. 

– 🐶 – 🐶 – 🐶 –

First week of July

SungSeung

8:24 am

Ji: hey 

Ji: what time do you have work today?

Min: getting ready now

Min: won’t be done until 4

Ji: are you free after that?

Min: should be

Min: what do you need this time?

Ji: not sure yet

Ji: maybe just a friend today

Min: …everything okay?

Ji: we can talk later

Min: I’ll come by after work

Ji: thanks, Min

– 🐶 –

Getting out of his car, Seungmin checked his phone again to make sure he read the text right. About half an hour ago, Jisung had texted, telling him the front door would be open, and he could just walk in. Not liking that, he was tempted to knock anyway, but maybe Bomi was sleeping, and he didn't want her to wake up, or maybe he was too busy to answer the door. So, ignoring the twitch in his hand to knock, Seungmin slowly turned the doorknob, opening the door and stepping inside. 

The house was quiet, the only thing moving was a fan in the corner, and the kitties who were lazily laying around the living room. Taking his shoes off, Seungmin strained his ears to hear if anything else was going on in the home, but there was nothing. Making his way through, the kitchen was empty, same with the living room, leaving the bedrooms next. He passed by the nursery, which was empty, and the door to Jisung’s room was closed. Found him. Knocking softly, Seungmin pushed the door open, not knowing what to expect on the other side.

“Hyung?” Seungmin whispered into the dark room. The curtains were drawn, the dark fabric hiding the bright July sun from view. No lamps were on, and Seungmin noticed the lack of a baby in the room. There was only Jisung, curled up under the overs, only his curls visible from where Seungmin stood. “Sung? Are you awake?”

The response came a few moments later. “Yeah…”

“Do you want me to come in?” The curls moved, and Seungmin took that as a nod. Shuffling into the (surprisingly clean) room, he crawled up onto the bed, sitting against the headboard next to the lump in the sheets. “Where’s Bomi?”

“Min came home early,” his voice was hoarse and quiet, “he took her out for a walk.”

“Is that a good thing?” 

“I made him come home early,” he whispered, “I wasn’t taking care of her.”

Nodding once, Seungmin assumed what he meant. He’s known from the beginning that Jisung dealt with severe anxiety, and that sometimes it took over his mind on really bad days. Add having a baby on top of that, the rush of emotions it does to you, and you get this: a depressed shell of a person, unable to function. It’s been getting worse, Jisung was so happy when he had Bomi, but as the weeks kept going, he became less and less himself. Even while they were in Paris, Seungmin watched as Jisung struggled to smile, struggled to get up and get ready to go out. Seungmin thought he might not even fully remember the trip, he was just…there.

“It’s not your fault, you know,” Seungmin whispered, placing a tentative hand on his shoulder. “This happens to a lot of parents.”

“It wasn’t supposed to happen to m-me.” 

“But it did, and now we can get you help. I’ve been watching you struggle from the beginning, I just didn’t want to say anything…I know what your past has been like, I know you’ve struggled with similar things before, but this time, you can’t let it consume you.”

“I’m not good for her,” Jisung’s voice cracked, silent tears now running down his cheeks. “Min took h-her and left, he doesn’t want her around me, my own daughter can’t be with m-me…”

“That’s not true, Jisung,” Seungmin squeezed his shoulder, “I’m sure Minho took her to give you some time alone, get her outside, and clear his head. He’s worried about you, but Bomi needs to come first.”

“She cried all day, and I…” shaking, Jisung let out a broken sob, and Seungmin didn’t know what to do. This was bad, really bad.

Bad, bad, bad

“Okay, you don’t have to talk about it right now, yeah? Let’s…we can just lay here,” sliding under the covers, Seungmin was pushing down every voice in his head that told him to stop what he was doing, instead listening to his heart. His brother needed him, and he could do hard things. He could be a comfort to him. “Sungie, we’re going to turn off our brains and relax.”

“It doesn’t t-turn off…”

“Yeah, mine doesn’t either, but I’m going to try. Right now, it’s just you and me,” Lying down on his side, Seungmin wrapped his arm around Jisung’s waist, pulling him close. The older quickly melted into the touch, turning around to bury his face in Seungmin’s chest. “Get it out now, no one is here to judge. And when you’re ready, we’ll start to fix this.”

“O-okay…” Jisung cried, and eventually the sobs started to slow.

This was going to be difficult. For both of them.

– 🐶 –

He wasn’t sure how, but the two ended up falling asleep after Jisung’s cries became hiccups, and the hiccups became short breaths that took him into dreamland. The bed was comfy, and Jisung was finally calm, Seungmin knew he was bound to fall asleep, especially after a long day of work. He didn’t normally take naps, he usually chose to go to bed earlier instead, but exhausting situations call for cures for the exhaustion. 

Seungmin woke up to a hand running through his hair, and he was confused. Innie wasn’t here with him, right? Opening his eyes, he was met with Minho, who gave a weak smile and nodded to the door. Taking a moment to wake up more, Minho left the room, and once he was ready, Seungmin followed him out. The house outside of the bedroom smelled like food, and he found the older in the kitchen, dinner on the table. He took a seat, wondering if he was meant to wake Jisung as well, but seeing how there were only two plates on the table, and Minho sat at the other one, Seungmin decided the mouse was supposed to stay asleep.

“Go ahead, take whatever you want,” Minho said, his voice soft. He sounded tired, but he didn’t look it. Seungmin nodded, filling his plate with things he wanted to eat. Minho waited for him to start first, then followed once the puppy had food in his mouth. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Mm, your bed is comfy,” he nodded, and Minho let out a weak chuckle. “Jisung cuddles though, and it’s too hot to be cuddling.”

“Sounds about right,” Minho smiled, “was he okay once you got here?”

“No, and he won’t be okay until he gets help,” getting to the point, Seungmin thinks his bluntness is welcomed, given the sharp nod Minho gives him. “He’s upset with you, you took Bomi from him.”

Sighing, Minho put his chopsticks down, his face sad. “I came home and she was starving, and she didn’t get changed for hours if what Jisung said was true. She has a rash, and I…I took her out before I got mad at him. I am mad at him, but I also know that he’s been declining for two months now, and it’s come to the point where not only is he a danger to himself, but he put our child in danger as well.”

“Oh,” Seungmin whispered, “it really is bad.”

“Yeah. And maybe I should’ve been here more, or I should’ve known to look for the signs given he’s struggled with anxiety and depression before, but I–I thought he would be happy with Bomi so much that he would forget to be sad.”

“It doesn’t really work like that though,”

“No, it doesn't, and it was foolish of me to think it would.”

Nodding, Seungmin took a quick glance around, once again noticing the lack of a baby. Minho caught his eye, understanding what he was looking for.

“She’s staying the night with Chan and Yongbok, they were willing to take her and Jisung needs a break.”

“He won’t be happy about that, he wants Bomi, he needs her,” shaking his head, Seungmin pinched his wrist. “Get them to bring her back, you don’t take a baby from a new parent.”

“Minnie, it’s just for the night, she’s two months old, it’ll be okay,”

“No it won’t, and when he finds out, he’s going to lose his shit, what happens when you take a cub from a mother bear? She attacks, Jisung is going to attack.” 

“I know, Seung, but we gotta think about this, one night away from her won’t hurt anyone, and this way I can help him more. I didn’t send Bomi away because I think he's bad for her, I sent her away so Jisung could get some attention.”

“And are y-you going to tell him that?”

“Yes, as soon as he wakes up, I will talk to him. I’ve already looked into some resources,” Minho pulled out his phone, turning it to Seungmin. “There are some really good therapists around who work specifically with new parents with postpartum depression, and this is a support group at a community center, there are people who understand us, who can help us.”

Nodding along, Seungmin scrolled through the phone, looking through the websites. “Do you think he’ll accept the help?”

“No, but I can try,” Minho sighed, “all I can do is try, and support him. He’s my husband, and I…I miss having my Jisungie around. Yes, he’s here, but he doesn’t smile anymore, he doesn’t kiss me goodnight, he doesn’t want to talk about his day. I’m living with a ghost.”

“I want to help,” Seungmin said, and Minho gave him a weak smile. “Spending time with him has made me emotionally involved, even if I don't want to be, but…he deserves to have someone on his side.”

“I fully agree,” Minho had a smirk pulling his lips, and Seungmin started to get a bad feeling. “We should start tonight, he’ll be upset about Bomi, but we could try and make him smile?”

Biting his lip, Seungmin decided to just take it, knowing what Minho wanted him to do. “I don‘t have to do anything weird…right?”

– 🐶 –

“Minho, this is fucking weird!” Seungmin groaned, standing in the living room, maid dress on and a frown to accompany it. “I don’t dance, and no way am I dancing in this!”

“But you’ve already learned the dance, we just need to show it to Sungie!” Minho said, phone in hand as he controlled the music. “Come on, practice one more time.”

Seungmin whined, but he knew it was no use. This was ridiculous, but Jisung was bound to smile, even just a little bit when he saw what they had planned. Minho even took a few minutes to put some curls in his hair, and he allowed just a dash of eyeshadow and blush on his face. He had taken his time to teach Seungmin a dance, and while teaching, the younger had wondered if Minho ever missed his dance crew from college. 

“Remember, right arm goes down first, and stay light on your feet,” Minho instructed, pressing play on the music. “And a five, six, seven, eight,”

Seungmin rolled his eyes, dancing to the song he’s heard a hundred times in the last half hour. He knew how to do the dance, he might not be great, but he picked these things up quickly, so he knew he was dancing right every time. 

Nodding in approval, Minho clapped his hands, ending the music. “Perfect, now all we have to do is show Sungie, and–”

Interrupted by the bedroom door opening, both Mins froze, slowly turning around to find Jisung standing there wrapped in a blanket, phone in hand. “I don’t…huh?” he mumbled, voice hoarse.

“Hi, baby,” Minho said, putting on a gentle smile. “Did you sleep okay?”

“I slept fine…” eyes narrowed at the two, he held his phone out, a text thread opened on the screen. “Why is Lix texting me pictures of Bomi? Where is she?”

“Oh, yes, um,” Minho looked at Seungmin, who shook his head and backed away. He was not about to be blamed for the missing baby. “Bomi-yah is spending the night with Chan and Bokkie, I thought we could have a night with just us, figure some stuff out, yeah?”

Jisung shook his head, his bottom lip trembling as he walked forward and shoved Minho in the chest. “That is m-my baby, Minho, you can’t just take her from me. Why would you do that without asking me?”

“I just thought we needed a night with only us,” he whispered, grabbing Jisung’s wrists. “Baby, let me take care of you, they know what to do with Bo, she’s perfectly safe.”

“Because she’s not with me,” Jisung scoffed, blinking hot tears down his cheeks. “You h-hate me.”

“I could never hate you, Jisung. I care about you, and you need help. I want you to be okay again, darling, let me help you be okay,” leaning forward, Minho caught his lips in a gentle kiss, doe eyes looking back at him, shiny and sad. “It’s just us, and I took the rest of the week off to stay with you, we can get through this, jagi.”

“One n-night?” Jisung sniffled, and Minho nodded.

“They’re bringing her back first thing in the morning, and Yongbok promised hourly updates.”

Taking a deep breath, Jisung nodded back, his body letting go of his stress as he fell into Minho’s arms, absolutely tired. Jisung wanted to be done feeling like nothing, he knows he needs to snap out of this, but he can’t do it, he can’t get out of his head. He wanted to stay in bed, curled up and alone, he wanted to throw himself a pity party and cry until he’s begging for water, he wanted to hold his baby and smile at her again, he wanted to kiss Minho and feel butterflies in his stomach, he wanted, he wanted, he wanted…

He wanted to know why Seungmin was standing in their living room in the maid dress.

“What’s all…this?” Jisung whispered, finally taking in the sight of the younger man. 

“Oh, um…we wanted to cheer you up a little, so…” Minho pulled away, then guided his husband to the couch. “If you just sit…and then Minnie, get in position,”

“No, no I don’t think I can do this.” Seungmin shook his head, taking a step back. 

“Min,”

“He’s better now, right? Look, he’s not even crying, so he’s okay!” 

“You promised, Seungminnie, and we practiced really hard…” Minho stuck out his bottom lip, and Jisung looked at him with big eyes. “Do you wanna see his dance, baby?”

“A little,” Jisung pouted.

Oh, this is cruel.

Cruel, cruel, cruel

“This won’t make the depression go away, hyung,” Seungmin huffed, “this isn’t a fix, this is a bandaid. It might be silly for a moment, but after I finish you’ll be sad again, and I don’t–I don't know how to change that. I don’t do the comforting thing, but a part of me w-wants to because you matter to me, and I’m sorry this won’t change a-anything.” His fingers twitched, wanting to pinch his wrist. He didn’t mean to be so honest, but it just sort of slipped out, and sharing his thoughts made him anxious. What if Jisung doesn’t want him to care, what if he’s not the one who’s supposed to be there for him, what if he messes this all up?

“Minnie,” quiet and sweet, Jisung gave him a weak smile as he spoke. “You being here is comforting enough, you’ve been around since the beginning, and it might’ve started because we had a deal, but…it means a lot to me that you’ve spent time with me, and that you’ve helped me these past two months. You’re a good friend, and I know you have this thing about needing things to be perfect, or fixed, but we’ll get there.”

“This silly dance won’t help anything,”

“But it’ll mean something to me,” Jisung nodded, “because it means you tried.”

“It’s really stupid,” Seungmin whispered.

“I like stupid.” 

Playing with the skirt of the dress, Seungmin took a deep breath and nodded, making Minho light up as he pulled out his phone to queue the music. This was the dumbest thing he’s ever done, which doesn’t mean much because he doesn’t really do a lot of dumb stuff. He was never going to hear the end of this, even if there’s no video, or if they promise not to tell, somehow this moment is going to be told to the group and they will never ever let it go. He’ll be the freak of the group, they’ll make fun of him, they’ll tease and ask him if he likes it and he – he couldn’t even say no, because something about being in a dress makes his stomach twist and his head ache, but…not in a bad way.

FREAK FREAK FREAK

Why did it have to be him? Why did he have to have this be a part of him, liking the way he looked, liking the material, like the way it calms his heart, just a little bit? He was a fucking lawyer, he was a serious person with a serious job and career, he was in a relationship that doesn’t explore these kinds of things, but one request from his stupid friends has everything he knows flying out the window. Seungmin has worked hard to get where he is today, he has proved everyone who said he wouldn’t live normally wrong, the doctors who told his parents he would never talk, the teachers who said he would never write or read, the therapists who said he wouldn’t develop mentally past the age of five…they were all wrong, and he fucking deserved to be treated like somebody who beat all the odds.

But…one look up as he hit the last move made it all worth it, Jisung’s heart-shaped smile right where it belonged, and suddenly he wasn’t that worried about what they would think, because he was here to help Jisung, and this stupid dance seemed to be working. 

Taking some creative liberty, the last note played and he struck a pose that wasn’t practiced, but that was okay. He was okay.

“Oh…my…” Jisung whispered, and a second later he burst out laughing, along with Minho.

Blushing tomato red, Seungmin took a step back, suddenly shy with the attention. “Told you it was stupid,”

“Stupidly awesome!” Minho laughed, “you did so good Seung!”

“It was so cute!” Jisung giggled, getting up to squeeze the younger. “Can I hug you?”

“Y-yes, yeah, a hug is fine.” Seungmin nodded, quickly being enveloped in a crushing hug. It took him a moment to get used to it, but after a few seconds he relaxed, resting his head on Jisung’s shoulder. “I…did I do good?” he asked, his voice hushed.

“You did amazing, and I know you were nervous, but I think I feel a little better now thanks to you,” Jisung whispered, “I’ll be okay soon, Minnie, you don’t need to worry about me. I’ll get through this.”

“I…” love you. “...want you to be happy again, so you’re going to do whatever hyung asks of you, okay?”

“Okay, Min,” Jisung smiled, letting the younger go. “I’ll be a good patient.”

“Good.” Seungmin nodded, his hands finding the bottom of the skirt to fiddle with. “I think I’m gonna go change now.”

“Hm,” nodding, Jisung gave him one last smile and let him walk to the bathroom, his clothes waiting for him on the counter.

Glancing in the mirror, the dread he was feeling returned, a reflection he didn’t know staring back at him. He needed to get out of this dress, he needed to never see it again, he needed to keep these evil thoughts away. He was better than this, he was more than a good laugh, even if seeing Jisung smile made his heart happy and his mind quiet. He had one more chore to do, and maybe he wouldn’t even have to wear the dress, like the time Innie came with him. He could get rid of these feelings, these thoughts, and eventually he could forget that he even liked wearing the dress, the makeup, the calmness that showed up when he felt…good.

“Don’t think those things.” Seungmin whispered harshly at the mirror, his eyes hard and his mouth frowned. Changing quickly, he tried leaving the dress on the ground, but then he felt bad so he hung it back up on the hanger provided, but he did give it a little smack of disapproval, just to remind himself he was upset. Back in his oversized wrinkly clothes, he could finally breathe again, the person in the mirror almost recognizable, the makeup on his eyes and cheeks still out of place. 

“Headed out?” Minho asked once he stepped out into the living room, the couple back to being curled up together. 

“Mm, I’ve got some work to do, and I’m ready to be done.” Seungmin nodded, the half-lie earning nods from the older two. 

“Thanks for tonight, Min, for staying with me and for the dance.” Jisung said, waving goodbye. 

“You’re welcome,” Seungmin shoved his shoes on his feet and grabbed his bag, quickly opening the door. “Bye.” he showed himself out, his keys in his hand and his heart in his throat.

Just one more time.

– 🐶 – 🐶 – 🐶 –

Three weeks later

SungSeung

11:34 am

Ji: last chore request~

Min: is it something crazy?

Ji: nope, grocery shopping

Ji: my therapist wants me out of the house

Ji: and we’re out of food

Ji: free lunch if you join

Min: I’ll be over soon

Ji: :) 

– 🐶 –

“Seungmin, please let me come with you!” Jeongin whined, shaking the older’s arm. “Don’t leave me here alone, you know I get bored easily!”

Rolling his eyes, Seungmin shook his boyfriend away, bending down to tie his shoes. “Jisung only asked for me, and besides, you hate going to the store.”

“I hate being alone more!”

“You love being alone,” Seungmin snorted, “you want something, and I don’t know what it is, but I’m not caving.”

Huffing, Jeongin crossed his arms. “I do want something, but the something is at Jisung’s house.”

“Bomi?”

“No,” his pout turned into a smile, and Jeongin looked up at his boyfriend with sly fox eyes. “There are little birdies chirping around saying you look really good in a certain maid outfit…” he whispered into Seungmin’s ear.

Cheeks suddenly on fire, the older took a step back right into the front door, his body panicking. “Wh-who told you?”

“When we babysat, Minho mentioned the dress over the phone, and then it might’ve been mentioned by a sleep deprived Jisung in Paris,” Jeongin said, his slim fingers walking up Seungmin’s chest. “I remember it being talked about when this bet started, but I didn’t know they actually went through with it.”

“Yeah well, after today it’s getting burned and going straight to hell, and it’ll never be talked about again.” Seungmin pushed his hand away, the younger’s mouth immediately falling into a pout once more.

“But I wanna see you wear it,” 

“No, you don’t. You don’t even like that stuff, you are so vanilla when it comes to anything remotely close to being sexual, there’s no reason why an attraction to me in a dress should be happening.”

“Who said it had to be anything sexual? Why can’t I want to see my boyfriend in a cute dress?” Jeongin asked, and Seungmin gave him an unimpressed look. “Well, m-maybe I want to explore a bit then, Min.”

“Trust me, you don’t.” Seungmin pushed past him and grabbed his bag, then made his way back to the door. “I hate myself in it, and you would too. We know what we like, no exploring needs to be done.”

“I can change my mind,”

“I gotta go, this conversation is over. Bye.” walking out the door, Seungmin missed the sad and slightly confused look his boyfriend was giving as he left without another word. Jeongin doesn’t know what he wants, and the fact that their friends are spilling his dirty little secrets makes this whole thing worse. They promised they wouldn’t tell, but he should’ve known better. Now it felt like his whole day was ruined, which was stupid, but he felt…weird. 

Weird, weird, weird…

– 🐶 –

“You’re quiet today,” Jisung observed, looking to his left where Seungmin walked next to him. The younger was pushing Bomi’s stroller, the baby sound asleep as they made their way to the store. The weather was hot, and sticky, but there was a slight breeze that kept the July sun at bay, which was good. Jisung hated being hot, and he didn't need his baby cooking while he took his time outside. Since starting therapy, he’s been advised to get out of the house more, which was tough when he really didn’t feel like seeing people, and fighting off the bugs, the heat, and the voice in his head that kept telling him people were staring at him and judging everything about him. 

Though the fresh air did help, going to a cafe was refreshing, and letting all the old ladies around their home fawn over and care for Bomi was definitely great. He liked it when people told him he had a cute baby. Some even told him he looked good too, which was…difficult. With the help of Minho and Changbin, he’s been able to do light workouts two or three times a week, but he was out of shape and so tired, so he didn't feel like trying very hard. 

Anyways.

“I’m fine.” Seungmin muttered, his hands twisting the stroller bar. 

“Really? I kinda feel like you’re trying to break my stroller at the moment.” Jisung chuckled, but frowned when Seungmin scowled more. “I didn’t…do anything, did I?”

“You did.” 

“Oh,” Jisung sighed. Great, now he had to figure out what he did to piss him off, and their growing friendship was back to square one. “Can you tell me what I did? I can fix it, or I’ll try, but I don’t want you to be upset with me.”

Worrying his lip between his teeth, Seungmin stayed silent, contemplating his words. If he told Jisung, they could fix his problem and make sure no secrets got spilled ever again, or he could stay angry and make his friend–who is trying to deal with depression–more upset and worried. 

Tough choices…

“You and Minho hyung have been telling people about the dress. I don’t like it, and now Jeongin is asking to see me in it. I don’t like that either.” Seungmin mumbled. “It was supposed to stay between us, and you promised.”

“And then I broke that promise,” Jisung sighed, and Seungmin nodded. “I’m sorry, Minnie, I didn’t mean to, and I didn’t even know I had said something about it! Truly, I must’ve not been aware of the conversation, or what I was saying. I’m sorry.”

“You just…you know how I feel about the dress, and how I don’t feel comfortable in it. I did it for you, a-and…” stopping at a crosswalk, Jisung reached over and pressed the button so Seungmin didn’t have to. “I just don’t know how I actually feel.” He whispered, but Jisung missed it, checking on Bomi. Sighing, Seungmin’s hands started to sweat, and his heart rate picked up, and he knew he didn’t have long until he broke.

Broken, broken, broken.

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?” Jisung looked up, the sudden nervousness in the puppy’s voice putting him on high alert. “Hey, talk to me, I’m here.” light fingers reached out to hold his arm, the younger relaxing slightly. 

“I…I think something’s wrong with me.” Seungmin whispered, barely heard over the traffic in front of them. “I don’t know what to do.” The weird feeling was creeping back in, his insides slimy and cracking.

Nodding, Jisung shoved his own anxiety down, looking around to find the store across the street. “Okay, what would you like to do? We can go home, I can come back another day.”

“It’s right there…”

“But?”

“But it’s loud, it’s all loud and I don’t want to be here,” Seungmin almost whined, his fingers wrapped tightly around the stroller handle. He hated himself, he hated how one wrong thing turns into one hundred, and suddenly he becomes dysfunctional and useless. He was never going to become anything except this, he was always going to be defined by his disability, no matter how fucking hard he tried to seperate himself from that part of him. 

“Minnie? Min? Fuck–okay, let’s go home, I’m taking you home,” guiding the stroller that Seungmin wouldn’t let go of, Jisung pulled the front of it, the younger thoughtlessly following along. “Just hang on, yeah? I’ll get us there real quick, we can make it in ten if we pay attention.”

Seungmin stayed quiet, his eyes glassy and his body trembling. Jisung wasn’t sure what to do, he knew what he looked like when he was having a panic attack, and this seemed pretty close. His anxiety was trying to make its way to the surface, but he kept his breathing steady and he guided them home, his street coming into view as they rounded a corner to a quiet road. 

A small whine reached his ears, and he glanced back, Bomi waking up from the rough ride. Seungmin looked down as well, and Jisung couldn’t tell what his reaction was. The younger liked her now, he liked holding her and playing with her, but the crying still got to him, and Bomi was getting ready to scream her heart out. 

“Bomi-yah,” Jisung cooed, his voice shaky. “Little one, we’re almost home, I’m right here, daddy’s right here,” Bomi had spit her pacifier out, her eyes wandering as she looked for Jisung’s face. “We’re almost there sweet girl,” he reached over and pushed her pacifier back in her mouth, the cries dying down as her eyes closed. Satisfied with her, he took his keys out from his bag and pulled the stroller up the front steps, entering the home with a trembling hand. 

Moving the stroller off to the side, Jisung kicked his shoes off and tried to find a place for his bag. Eventually this entry will need to be organized… “Go sit on the couch, Seungmin, let me put Bomi down in her crib and then we can…talk…” turning around, the younger had Bomi in his arms, the baby held tightly to his chest as he shook with tears.

“I c-can…hold her,” he hiccuped.

“O-okay,” Jisung nodded slowly, his instincts on edge as Seungmin walked around the pile of shoes, up a step, and headed for the living room. He doesn’t know how safe Seungmin is right now. Following, Jisung sat on the couch next to him, his daughter sound asleep with no thoughts on who’s holding her. They sat in silence, Seungmin sniffling and taking stuttered breaths every few seconds. Jisung waited, watching as the puppy’s eyes grew puffy and his tears slowed, his body slowly giving out.

“I like th-the dress.” he muttered eventually, surprising Jisung. “I h-hate it, but something a-about it is…different.”

“Ah,” Jisung nodded, leaning back into the couch. “That’s okay, yeah? You can like it.”

“N-no, no I can’t. That’s–it’s–it’s wrong.”

“Hm.” 

“I m-mean, for me, it’s wrong. Lixie looks like a fairy so he can like whatever he wants b-but I’m a twenty-four year old lawyer and I can’t like th-that stuff.” Huffing, Seungmin squeezes Bomi before she lets out a tiny whine, and he stops, her father’s eyes wide and nervous. “I’m not meant for it.”

“I think…anyone can be meant for it, Minnie,” Jisung said, his hands resting on Bomi’s back. “Let me take her, yeah? I’ll give you a pillow instead.”

“Someone like me isn’t supposed to like something so…girly,” Seungmin said, turning away from the older. “It’s wrong. A b-boy in a dress is wrong. And n-now Jeongin knows, he-he knows.”

“What did Yen say when he found out?” Watching him closely, Jisung wrung his hands together as he waited for Bomi to be passed over.

“He…he was lying.” Seungmin whispered. “He wanted to see me in it, he wanted to…try new things.”

“I don’t think Jeongin would lie about that stuff, Seung, he probably meant it.”

“He didn’t!” The shout startled Bomi, and the infant whined in his arms. “That would be weird, I’m n-not weird, my boyfriend isn’t weird…this is your fault.”

“Well–” Jisung tilted his head, giving it a good thought. “Probably, yeah, but you looked hot, and Minho said the same thing. Honestly, I think you should give it a try.”

“You aren’t listening to me!” Seungmin cried, standing up. “I don’t want to wear it, I don’t want to like it, but some perverted part of m-me does and I don’t know how to fix it!” Pacing the living room floor, his vision blurs and holds Bomi tightly, not wanting to hurt her if he trips over something. 

“Min, come sit back down and give me my daughter, please, you’re stressing me out,” his voice was more stern, Jisung watched as Seungmin debated whether to listen or not. “Come on, sit. Now.”

Shuddering, Seungmin went and sat back down, giving the baby away and grabbed a pillow instead. Jisung breathed a sigh of relief, the infant much more content with her father. “Now, tell me why you think you like the dress.”

“W-won’t that make me like it more?” Seungmin whispered. 

“It could, but it’ll help me see what you think, and then I can help you better,” he gave a gentle smile, “you helped me when I was at my lowest, let me return the favor.”

Nodding slightly, Seungmin pulled his knees to his chest. “It calmed the voice in my head,” he whispered, “the texture was nice, and the skirt bounced…” he cringed at his words, wanting to sink into the couch and disappear.

“The dress was high quality,” Jisung agreed, “tell me more about this voice.”

“I just always have talking in my head.” Seungmin glanced over at the older, realizing he was about to talk about a part of himself that only two people know about. It was his vulnerability, that something like this came with his personality, his difference. It never bothered him, but he never liked talking about it either. “Every minute of every day, replaying scenarios, conversations, telling me to do this or th-that…repeating everything until it’s right.”

“Hm,” Jisung nodded, “and when you’re comfortable, or calm, it goes away?”

“Y-yeah, or, well, it lessens. It gets quieter. I don’t feel so…heavy,” he wiped his eyes, “the stupid dress did that for me, and only a few things d-do.”

“I feel that way when I hold Bomi, or snuggle in a blanket, sometimes when things get so loud, we find things that calm us down,” Jisung sighed, “you know, I get like that too, all up in my brain. It’s the anxiety, and adhd, I have a song playing, or fake scenarios, even a movie if I’m up for that,” he chuckled, “so I know that it can get really loud in your head, but I find joy in the things that save me from myself.”

“I can’t find joy in a d-dress.”

“You can, if you want it, Minnie.” Jisung reached over and rubbed his arm. “Min, it’s okay to be open to new things. It’s okay to want to try new things, and to share those things with others. You like to wear a dress, that’s okay! I explore too, you know. Minho and I have some crazy sex stories, and we know what we enjoy, and what never gets to happen again.” Seungmin groaned, but Jisung smiled. “You and Yennie can do that too, though it’s a little weird to think about my baby brothers having sex…ew.”

“Please, please stop…"

“You’re right, it sounds incestual. Ugh, how did I not think about that?”

“Jisung,”

“Right, back on track,” taking a breath, Jisung pulls himself together. “I think, if you want to wear the dress, then wear the dress. Jeongin genuinely seems open to it, and he’s so soft, he wouldn’t hurt you, Min. He’s a good person, and you should trust him.”

“H-how can I be open with him about this, when I can’t even be open with myself?” Seungmin asked, the tears back on his lashes. 

“None of this needs to be instant. You can take baby steps, start with yourself, be comfortable first, then share it with Yen-ah. I admit, I kind of pushed you right into it, and then Minho knew and we weren’t really considerate of your feelings. We didn’t give you that time to get used to it, and to figure out if you were comfortable in that situation. I’m sorry for that, Seung.”

“You didn’t know I would react this way, so…it’s okay, I guess.” Seungmin muttered, and Jisung couldn’t help but smile. “What am I supposed to do if he doesn’t like it how he thought he would?”

“Then…you talk about it. Tell him how you feel, let him tell you how he feels…or cover everything he owns in glitter,”

“I’m serious, Jisung.”

“So am I, glitter is a dangerous substance,” Seungmin rolled his eyes, and Jisung huffed out a laugh. “I don’t think he’ll hate it though, I think he’ll be very open-minded. Like I said, Yen is a soft person, and he’s young. That kid is much more current than we give him credit for. A top tier gen-z.”

“I just don’t want him to lie to me about it, if he ends up…being disgusted.”

“I can talk to him if you need, or Felix, or even Hyunjin. You know we would all support you, right?” Jisung asked, and Seungmin turned pink. “Babe, you know our friend group, right? Felix is the most unisex person I know, have you seen his closet? Hyunjin just walked a runway in women’s fashion, and, and! You know I have dresses that I used while pregnant, right?” he asked, and Seungmin’s head shot up. “Yeah! I wasn’t always in sweatpants and sweatshirts, I had these really comfy nightgown things, man, why didn’t I tell you sooner…”

“I never packed up dresses for you,”

“They’re in my dresser, I still wear them sometimes.”

Seungmin only nodded, his head a little clearer. He wasn’t the only one, then. But did this make sense for his personality? Was this going to become his only trait, he’s an aspiring lawyer, an autistic man, a boy who likes dresses…what if that’s all he is? What would his parents think? Would they have to know? Probably not…and only three of his friends really know the truth, but could he be this person? Is he going to be the same Seungmin as he was before the dress?

“You’re thinking, Seungmo, what’s going on in your head?” Kind and caring, Jisung ran a hand through his hair, and the younger melted at the touch. 

“You won’t think of me differently after this, will you?” he asked. “What if they all do if they find out?”

“No, no I don’t think anything will change, Min. I mean, I’ve known from day one, and the only thing I could think about was how cute you were,” he smiled, “and you don’t have to tell people, only when you’re comfortable, or not at all. That is your decision.” Rocking, Jisung glanced down at his baby, Bomi now awake and watching the world with bright grey eyes. “This world should be a place where anyone can be themselves, and feel comfortable doing it. For Bomi, Minho and I are doing our best to make sure she grows up in a home where she can express herself however she wants to when she’s older. We extended that to you guys as well, she needs to be surrounded by people who love loud, and live freely. Who change her world and care for her. You should be able to be yourselves, and show her that anything is okay, that it doesn’t matter what hair you have, what your skin color is, what clothes you wear, as long as you are yourself, and you are happy, that’s all that matters.”

Seungmin wiped his eyes, leaning into Jisung more. “I still don’t know how I really feel, or if I’ll ever figure myself out.” He sucked in a breath, the older letting him think. He was confused, he was hoping talking would sort of clear up things, but his brain felt like mush and his body weighed a ton. But…maybe the dress wasn’t too bad. Maybe he could…try. “Do you…have it out?”

“The dress? Yeah, it’s in the bathroom,” Jisung nodded, “do I get a little fashion show?”

“No, no I’m not putting it on, I just wanted to see it, I guess.” 

“You can go look at it, I don’t mind,” offering a heart-shaped smile, Jisung patted his arm and pushed him to stand up. “I’ll make us some lunch–ah, we didn’t go to the store,” he groaned, and Seungmin winced. 

“Sorry…”

“No, no this was more important. It’s good! I’ve been craving sushi anyways, I’ll order us some and have Minho get groceries on his way home.” Nodding to himself, Jisung pulled out his phone and waved Seungmin away. “Go see the dress, Minnie, think about it, then come back and we can watch Bomi-yah do tummy time.”

“Okay, okay.” Giving a small smile, Seungmin made his way to the bathroom and shut the door behind him. There, in its usual spot on the door, was the dress, black and white, fluffy and soft, waiting for him. He unconsciously cringed, then shook himself out to remind himself that he doesn’t need to feel that way anymore. Gathering the material in his hand, he squeezed it gently, and everything quietened. 

Okay, okay, okay.

This was okay.

– 🐶 –

“Kim Seungmin, I hereby declare you relieved of your maid duties to the Lee household,” Jisung exclaimed in a loud deep voice, “you are to return home, and never come back!”

“Well,” Minho chuckled, “we want him to come back, right? You’re welcome here anytime, Seung.”

“I was being dramatic!” Jisung whined, dropping the wooden spoon down to his side. To finish off Seungmin’s maid duties, they had waited until Minho came home with a huge haul of groceries, to give the youngest a proper send off. With a blanket around his shoulders for a cape, and a spoon for a sword, Jisung had ‘knighted’ the puppy as a final goodbye.

“Fine, fine, be dramatic.” Minho smiled, Bomi watching from his arms. “Can you say thank you to Uncle Minnie, Bo?”

The infant drooled onto his arm, and Seungmin felt his eye twitch. “I’ll take that as a thank you,” he nodded, “but maybe clean her up.”

“Everything in this house is covered in her spit, we don’t really care anymore.” Jisung smiled, kissing her head. “But, alas, Sir Seungminnie, you are free from our home. Don’t be a stranger though, you can stop by whenever you need, I’m a phone call away, and I am always here for you, yeah?” He pulled Seungmin into a hug, the younger allowing it. “You’ve helped us so much, and I think you might’ve saved my life,” he whispered, “I want us to stay close, Min, you are one of my best friends, afterall.”

“I won’t leave you in the dust, hyung, I’m sure I’ll be back soon,” Seungmin nodded, patting his back. “Keep taking care of yourself, I’ll be expecting progress reports, so I can track your growth.”

“Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.” Jisung giggled. “I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

“We’re having family dinner on Sunday, I hope that’s soon enough for you.” Seungmin smirked. 

“Right. Yes, it is, actually,” Jisung laughed, “okay, get out of here, you cheeky puppy, I’m sure Yennie is waiting for you.” 

“Alirhgt, alright.” Seungmin slipped his shoes on and grabbed his bag, then looked back to find the couple giggling and winking at him. “Not a word, you perverts.”

“Mmhm, not a word,” Minho snorted, and Jisung cackled.

“Maybe Sunday is too soon,” Seungmin groaned, leaving the home of two laughing hyenas. “Can’t stand those two.” He muttered, but the small smile on his face said otherwise. 

– 🐶 – 🐶 – 🐶 –

Mid-August

Seungmin was nervous. He’s always a little nervous, but today, at this moment, his nervous system was totally wrecked. He’d been planning this for weeks, ever since he became comfortable with the idea, with sharing this part of him. It scared him a lot, and the hardest part was not knowing how his boyfriend would react. His sweet, kind, vanilla Jeongin. 

Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea…

No. He needed to be brave. He needed to do this, to show himself that this was okay, that he can like what he likes, that he can get out of his comfort zone. And if it all goes terribly wrong…he has flights to Japan pulled up on his computer ready to go.

He checked the time, noting that he only had a few minutes left. With the school semester starting next week, the university had held the last kid’s camp this week, and Jeongin was helping out, as usual. That gave Seungmin all day to prepare his idea, there was dinner on the stove, dessert in the oven, and…him. 

The dress had been hiding in his dresser for weeks, but this morning he pulled it out and ironed it, leaving it on his bed for hours before he worked up the courage to look at it again. Once he starred for a good thirty minutes at the fabric, he made the quick decision to just put it on, and he did, annoyed that he suddenly felt better with it covering him. 

He kept it on though, he felt like that was progress. 

He then styled his hair, found some sparkles to put on his eyes, put blush on his nose and cheeks, and avoided all the mirrors in the small apartment. Baby steps, he reminded himself. All of this was baby steps. 

The front door unlocked, and Seungmin realized he had lost track of time. Standing up from the couch, he only had a couple seconds before the door closed, shuffling was made around the entry, and Jeongin walked into the room, his eyes glued to his phone. 

“Min-ah, I’m home! You will not believe the day I had, here, I have a video of this kid totally nailing IU’s love poem during karaoke, you have to…see…” the younger finally looked up, and his phone and bag fell to the ground. “Holy fuck.”

“Good fuck, or bad fuck?” Seungmin cringed, the skirt gripped in his fists. He wasn't sure how to act, but so far standing still was working.

“I…I…” oh great, he made his boyfriend unable to speak, isn’t that a sign of a stroke, or a seizure? Was his boyfriend going to die?

“Innie?” 

“You’re fucking hot, hyung,” Jeongin gasped, swallowing the drool in his mouth. “You…this…fuck,” he slowly walked over, his eyes trailing up and down Seungmin’s body. “It’s so much better than I imagined…”

“You–you imagined me? L-like this?” Seungmin squeaked out, his face red hot as Jeongin licked his lips. Maybe he didn’t need the blush after all.

“Hell yeah, ever since I found out, it’s been like…all I dream about…” the younger placed his hands on his boyfriend’s hips, squeezing at his more pronounced waist. “This is hot, Min.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah.” he nodded, looking up. “And you have make-up on…you spoiled me, baby.” he kissed him softly, waiting for an okay before going in deeper, his tongue pushing its way in. 

Seungmin let out an embarrassing moan, his body reacting before his mind could catch up. His hands gripped Jeongin’s shirt, the two molding together perfectly, like they always do. 

Perfect, perfect, perfect

“W-wait, wait, In,” Seungmin gasped, pulling away slightly. “Hey, babe, I have dinner for us, something to like, get our energy up? And then dessert, if we feel like it…”

“I wanna eat you instead, if that’s okay,” Jeongin smirked, his lips going right to his neck. “You taste good, this isn’t your cologne though…”

“It’s u-uh, a fruity body spray, thought I’d try a lot of n-new things…tonight,” Seungmin whined, Jeongin biting slightly. “Baby, I still have the stove on, let’s go eat.”

Jeongin pulled off of him, leaving a nice bruise behind. “We’ve like ten minutes, I can’t believe you’re making me wait when you look like this,” he groaned, his hands tugging at the skirt. “Oh, fuck, you’re wearing–”

“Hey hey, you’re getting ahead of yourself there, mate, that’s for later.” Seungmin pushed his hands away, pulling the skirt down. “Eat the food I made you, and if you’re a good boy, maybe you can help me with the next chore.” He smirked, making his way to the kitchen.

“And uh, what would that b-be?” Jeongin asked, walking on shaky legs to the table. He watched as Seungmin turned the stove off, two bowls waiting for the food he had made. From the back, Jeongin really saw how small the dress was, taking a moment to remember it belonged to someone more petite. He will be getting Seungmin his own, in the same size. The skirt barely reached mid-thigh, and if Seungmin bent down at all, he would see everything, and man…what a sight that would be.

“Laundry, I suppose. My clothes are going to get dirty pretty soon, and I’m gonna need help getting them in the washer,” Seungmin pouted, bringing two bowls of ramen over to the table. “Now eat, baby.”

“Did you make dinner in that?” Jeongin asked, nodding to the dress. 

“I wouldn’t be a very good maid if I didn’t always wear my uniform, now would I?” Seungmin asked, feeling more and more calm as they kept talking. This wasn’t so bad, see? He could be brave. He could try new things.

“Damn…” Jeongin choked, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. “Don’t ever do that again without me, I want to see you cook for me, I want you to tell me how to make food, I want to see you be my maid in real time.”

“Anything for you…Sir.” Seungmin smiled, testing out the roleplay name. It seemed to work, as Jeongin groaned, shoving his food away. 

“Don’t make me wait, Minnie, come on, let me have my dessert early,” he whined, pulling Seungmin up and out of his chair. “A good maid follows orders, right?” He asked, and Seungmin silently nodded, lust in his eyes. “Then be good and let me treat you well, yeah?”

“Y-yeah,” Seungmin nodded, letting the younger pull him to their room. The bedroom door flung open, and Jeongin wasted no time pushing his boyfriend onto the bed, their bodies pressed against each other as Jeongin got on top and kissed him silly. “Jeongin…”

“I love you, Min, this was…is…the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Jeongin whispered, his hands sliding underneath the skirt. “Let me show you how much this means to me.”

“Okay,” Seungmin whispered, finally relaxing as Jeongin trailed kisses up and down his neck. He had nothing to worry about, he didn’t need to move to Japan, and he didn’t need to hide this part of himself anymore. Here, with Jeongin, he wasn’t a weirdo, he wasn't a boy with autism, he was just Seungmin. He was himself, and he was free to be just that. Finally, the voices were silent, and he was happy.

Being a maid wasn’t so bad after all.