Work Text:
"Su Bei! Hold on!"
I'm so tired.
I want to rest for a long time. I want to close my eyes and stop thinking about everything, stop worrying about tomorrow, stop carrying responsibilities that were never meant for someone my age.
Out of everyone, why did it have to be me?
Why am I the one who has to save a world that will never know what I sacrificed for it? A world that took my mother, took my father, and still expects me to keep moving forward as if nothing happened.
I have carried this secret alone for so long that sometimes I forget what it feels like to speak honestly. Deep down, I want to scream. I want to cry. I want someone to tell me that I don't have to do this anymore.
But nobody can.
Because nobody understands.
"Su Bei!"
Every day I put on a different face. I laugh when people expect me to laugh, I smile when people look at me, and I act like everything is under my control because that's what I want them to believe. After doing it for so long, even I don't know which expressions are real anymore.
Everyone in this world feels like part of a story.
Characters.
People moving toward a future that has already been decided.
Existing for the sake of the readers.
Including me.
Maybe especially me.
When all of this is over, I want to run away from everything. I want to leave Destiny behind, leave responsibilities behind, and travel somewhere nobody knows my name. I want to see places I've never seen before, eat food I've never tasted, try things I've never had the chance to try because there was always another crisis waiting for me.
"Su Bei, can you hear me?!"
Someone is calling me.
I know they are worried.
I know they don't want me to leave.
But I'm too tired to answer.
Don't call me.
Just let me stay here for a little longer.
I want to be alone.
I want to be angry.
I'm tired of pretending that everything is okay.
I—
"SU BEI!"
Ah.
Jiang Tianming.
I'd recognize that voice anywhere.
The protagonist of this world.
Someone who was blessed from the very beginning with an ability powerful enough to be the center of the world. Someone who could keep moving forward no matter how difficult things became.
Unlike me.
For every step he took, I had to take ten. For every achievement people praised me for, there were countless failures hidden behind it. I spent years forcing myself to become stronger, smarter, better, then acted as though everything came naturally because nobody wanted to see the struggle.
All of it was for the same reason.
To save this world.
"Su Bei!"
Jiang Tianming's voice sounded desperate.
The blond lay weakly on the ground, blood flowing from the wound in his abdomen and staining everything beneath him. Jiang Tianming pressed both hands against the injury, trying to stop the bleeding, but the blood continued to seep through his fingers, warm and frighteningly endless. The more he tried to cover the wound, the more blood stained his hands, his sleeves, and the ground around them.
Why?
Why wasn't it stopping?
Su Bei's face grew paler with every passing second. The familiar golden hair was stained with dust and blood, his purple eyes struggling to remain open.
"Su Bei..."
Jiang Tianming lowered his head, pressing harder against the wound as panic slowly crept into his chest. He had fought Nightmare Beasts before. He had survived life-and-death situations before. Yet none of them felt as terrifying as this moment.
Because this time the enemy wasn't standing in front of him.
This time he couldn't fight it.
He could only watch as Su Bei slipped further and further away.
“Jiang Jiang,” Su Bei called weakly.
Jiang Tianming's eyes trembled. “Hold on. Teacher Meng Huai and Teacher Ye Lin are coming. They'll be here soon.”
Su Bei smiled faintly and raised his hand with difficulty. His fingertips brushed against Jiang Tianming's face, wiping away tears that had already soaked his cheeks. Jiang Tianming seemed completely unaware of them, too focused on trying to keep Su Bei awake to notice that he had been crying this entire time.
Su Bei had already known Jiang Tianming's secret long ago, yet hearing it directly from him still made him happy. Jiang Tianming trusted him more than he had ever imagined. That night, he had told Su Bei everything without hesitation, speaking about fears he usually buried deep inside himself and worries he never showed to anyone else. There had been no lies, no attempts to hide the uglier parts of himself. Jiang Tianming had simply handed them over and trusted Su Bei to understand.
And Su Bei...
For the first time in a long while, guilt settled heavily in his chest.
That night, Jiang Tianming had been the only one who was truly honest. All of his fear, anxiety, and frustration had poured out at once, and Su Bei could still remember how lost he looked while speaking. In the end, all Su Bei had done was sit beside him, listen quietly, and pull him into an embrace when there were no words that could make things better.
Meanwhile, Su Bei had said nothing.
There were too many things he had hidden from Jiang Tianming from the very beginning. Things he could never explain no matter how much he wanted to.
This world is a story.
You are the protagonist.
Everything that happened to you was decided long before you were born.
The words remained trapped inside him.
Su Bei didn't dare imagine Jiang Tianming's expression if he ever heard them. Maybe he would believe him. Maybe he would think Su Bei had finally gone insane. Neither answer mattered because Su Bei couldn't bring himself to say it in the first place.
Jiang Tianming had trusted him enough to reveal his greatest secret, yet even now Su Bei was still protecting his own. The thought made him feel disgusted with himself. Jiang Tianming always gave people his trust so easily once they entered his heart, while Su Bei spent every day measuring what he should and shouldn't reveal. Even now, with death standing right in front of him, he was still choosing silence.
Perhaps he had never trusted Jiang Tianming as much as Jiang Tianming trusted him.
The realization left a bitter taste in his mouth.
Jiang Tianming had opened his heart completely and placed it in Su Bei's hands without asking for anything in return, but Su Bei couldn't do the same. For all the affection he felt, for all the moments they had shared together, there was still a part of himself he refused to hand over. At that moment, Su Bei finally understood something he didn't want to admit.
Maybe he never loved him as deeply as he was loved.