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The apartment was quiet when he stepped inside. It hadn’t been long since Yoongi had moved in, after staying with his parents for the last six months, he still had boxes half unpacked in the guest room. Yoongi kicked off his shoes and hung his coat up, thankful for the warmth of his home after being out in the cold winter air. It still felt a little strange living alone again, it had been nice living with his parents while his new apartment was renovated but now he was back to solo living and it was taking some getting used to, though he wasn’t really alone, he had Tang after all. It was at the thought of Tang that had Yoongi frowning, where was he? His kitten usually came through to greet him whenever he arrived home, yet he heard no tinkle of the little bell that hung from his neck.
Then he heard the sneeze.
Yoongi couldn’t help but smile and roll his eyes to himself as he wandered through to the sitting room to find his new neighbour on the sofa with the black cat he was very allergic to on top of him.
‘Aish, Jimin-ah, you’re gonna give yourself a hard time again.’ Yoongi said, as Jimin looked up at him from where he lay on the sofa, Tang loafed on his chest.
‘I can’t help it hyung, he’s so cute.’ Jimin said, pouting up at him.
‘Come on you.’ Yoongi said, picking Tang up and sitting down next to Jimin who scrambled into a sitting position the moment the cat was lifted from his chest.
Even though there was plenty room, he still pressed himself against Yoongi’s side.
‘Have you at least took some meds?’ Yoongi asked as Jimin’s fingers sank into Tang’s jet black fur again.
‘Yeah, I should’ve took some before I came over but forgot.’ Jimin told him, ‘just waiting for them to kick in.’
As if one cue, he sneezed again.
‘I still don’t know why you keep coming over when you know how bad your allergies are.’ Yoongi said, with a laugh.
‘Because I love him, how am I supposed to stay away from this little baby?’ Jimin said, ‘plus, I read something about exposure therapy.’
‘What, that if you shove your face in his fur enough times you’ll become immune?’ Yoongi said, with raised eyebrows.
‘Sort of, it doesn’t always work. But you can build up a tolerance.’ Jimin told him, ‘so if I spend more time around Tangie, and Hobi-hyung’s cats, I won’t be as effected.’
‘Okay, but you need to make sure you take meds before you come over in future.’
‘Yes hyung.’
‘Aish, you’re such a brat.’ Yoongi whined, as Jimin giggled into his shoulder.
‘Plus, if I can’t come over all the time what was the point in you moving into my building.’ Jimin mumbled.
‘I didn’t move in here so you could harass me.’
Jimin looked up at him, ‘then why did you? You could’ve bought an apartment anywhere, yet you bought the one next door to mine the second it went up for sale.’ Jimin shot back.
Yoongi averted his eyes. He couldn’t deny that. The second Jimin mentioned his neighbour was moving, he’d been on to his realtor. The apartment hadn’t even made it to listing. He had said he’d just wanted to live closer to one of the members, that if a place in Namjoon or Hoseok’s building had come up he’d have acted the same way, but he knew that wasn’t entirely true.
‘Anyway, you were the one who gave me the code to your door.’ Jimin said, leaning back into the sofa.
Tang climbed over onto his lap, making Yoongi worry that Jimin was already becoming his favourite.
‘Something I’m already starting to regret.’ Yoongi retorted.
‘Liar, you love me being here.’
‘Have you eaten?’ Yoongi asked to avoid admitting that yes, he did love that Jimin was there and in fact, hated whenever he left.
‘Nope, d’you want to order something?’ Jimin said, pulling his phone from his pocket.
‘I can cook.’
Jimin’s face lit up, and Yoongi’s heart fluttered at the sight. He was pretty sure that being cooked for was one of Jimin’s favourite things, and Yoongi loved to do it. Hoseok had told him once that it was his love language, acts of service, doing things for the people you love and Yoongi could only agree. He did love doing things for the ones he cared about, little things like cooking them a meal or making a snack, really made him feel good. And Jimin was a perfect recipient, he always showered him with gratitude and praise, even if all he’d done was make some ramen.
‘What do you want?’ Yoongi asked, getting up.
‘I don’t mind, whatever you feel like making.’ Jimin told him with a shrug, ‘anything you make is good.’
Yoongi had a quick look in the fridge, thankfully he’d had groceries delivered that morning, so he had everything he needed to make kimchi stew, one of Jimin’s favourites. He set to preparing everything, as Jimin played with Tang. He could hear the little bell jingling as the kitten ran about chasing the toy that Jimin had found. The bell, that was shaped like a little chick, gifted by Jimin himself. It made Yoongi smile every time he saw it because it reminded him of Jimin.
‘Can I help?’ Jimin asked, coming up behind him.
‘You can cut the pork belly into chunks.’ Yoongi told him.
‘Jungkookie always makes me do the garlic cos he thinks its funny.’ Jimin said, as he washed his hands.
‘Why is it funny?’
‘Because I’m so slow at it.’ Jimin said laughing.
‘Better slow than not at all, at least you try.’ Yoongi said, ‘have you tried making anything else since you did the pasta Jin-hyung helped you with?’
Jimin shook his head, ‘why bother when I can just come here and have you cook for me.’
‘Aish, I’m not your personal chef.’ Yoongi whined.
‘Not with that attitude, you’re not.’
Jimin set to work cutting the pork belly, and Yoongi couldn’t help but smile as he watched Jimin carefully cut each piece. While he could see how Jungkook would find his cautiousness funny, Yoongi couldn’t help but feel endeared. Soon enough everything was in the pot bubbling away. The smell of the stew making Jimin’s stomach rumble loudly.
‘It smells so good, how much longer?’ He whined, wrapping his arms around Yoongi’s waist, pressing up against his back as he leaned over his shoulder to watch Yoongi stir the stew.
‘Another five minutes, be patient Jimin-ah.’ Yoongi said, with a laugh.
He thought Jimin would leave it at that, maybe go play with Tang for the last few minutes, but he remained glued to Yoongi’s back, shuffling awkwardly around the kitchen attached to him like a koala while Yoongi finished up. Yoongi tried to ignore it, to not let it make him feel flustered. Jimin was just a touchy-feely person, it didn’t mean anything. He was like that with everyone, but he couldn’t help the blush that blossomed on his cheeks, and he could only help the soft lighting of his apartment hid it.
‘Okay, you’ve really got to let go now so I can serve everything.’ Yoongi said, turning off the stove. Jimin huffed a sigh, but let go. ‘And get the rice.’
That was the thing about Jimin, he always stopped whenever Yoongi asked him too, respected his aversion to touch and how it made him feel overwhelmed sometimes. Yoongi loved that about him, but at the same time he hated how quickly he let go. He wasn’t like Taehyung who playfully clung on for a little while even as Yoongi complained. He was too good, too respectful. Yoongi secretly hated it, he wanted his touch to linger, to feel his arms around him…
‘Are we eating in here or…?’ Jimin asked, pulling Yoongi from his revery.
‘Uh, let just eat in the living room.’
Jimin nodded, carrying the rice through apparently oblivious to Yoongi’s inner turmoil and embarrassment, much to his relief.
*
‘Oh my god this is amazing.’ Jimin said, spooning another mouthful of stew into his mouth, only to regret it instantly as it burned his mouth.
Yoongi laughed, but his pride swelled at Jimin’s compliments.
‘Be careful or you’ll burn yourself for real.’
‘It’s too good to wait though.’ Jimin complained.
Tang meowed as if in agreement from where he sat on the sofa behind where Yoongi sat on the floor, watching them eat.
‘I think Tangie wants some.’ Jimin said.
‘Tangie is not getting kimchi, that cannot be healthy for a cat.’
‘More for me then.’ Jimin said, grinning.
‘Eat as much as you want Jiminie, you can take the leftovers home too if you want.’
‘Hmm, you always keep me well fed. Y’know I’m gonna get chubby if you keep feeding me like this.’
‘That’s not a bad thing.’ Yoongi said. Jimin went quiet, and Yoongi knew what he was thinking. ‘Really Jimin-ah, gaining weight isn’t a bad thing. So keep coming over, and I’ll make you anything you want to eat.’
Jimin’s head was still turned down, but Jimin could see that he was smiling all the same.
‘Thought you didn't want to be my personal chef?’
‘Just shut up and eat your food.’ Yoongi retorted.
Making Jimin laugh, and Yoongi smile.
After they’d ate their fill, and the leftovers were packed up and placed in the fridge for Jimin to take home with him when he left, they returned to the sofa. Jimin insisted on making Yoongi watch the drama he’d wanted to start, so the three of them, Tang sprawled across both their laps having had his own dinner and ready for his post-meal nap, they relaxed into the evening.
It was moments like this that Yoongi really loved. Jimin leaning against his side, as they watched tv together. There was never any pressure or expectation for anything more. Sometimes when Yoongi hung out with others, he felt the need to talk and actively socialise. But with Jimin he could just exist. It’s why he was happy to live beside him. He knew whenever he needed company without any pressure he could just go across the hall to Jimin’s place, or he’d come to Yoongi’s. They’d spent a lot of time together since their enlistment had ended for that very reason, Jimin needed someone with him too. They’d talked about it a lot, and Yoongi was forever grateful that he had Jimin, and that he could be there for him in return.
Being alone was hard at times. Yoongi was content in his own company, but sometimes he just craved having someone at his side. Arms brushing as they turned pages of books. Stifled laughs as they scrolled through social media. Gentle touches as emotions swelled while watching a sad drama. He had all of that with Jimin.
It wasn’t until about halfway through the second episode that Yoongi realised what kind of drama it was. The longing glances, the gentle grazing of fingers, and all between the male leads. Jimin had a picked a BL for them to watch.
Yoongi looked over at Jimin, who was focused on the screen, his fingers absentmindedly rubbing Tang’s tummy. He couldn’t help but wonder if he chose it on purpose. Just like the last two he’d recommended Yoongi. A voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Jung Hoseok whispered to him that Jimin was hinting at something. That voice had told him as much a few times, more so recently. But Yoongi couldn’t… he couldn’t get his hopes up.
Returning his gaze back to the tv, he watched as the leads shared another of those longing looks. He wondered if that’s how he looked sometimes, when he stared at his band mate just a little too long. He knew the fans noticed it, he’d seen the posts on social media. But then he also saw the posts about how clingy Jimin was with all the members, how affectionate he was with them all. There was nothing special about the way he was with Yoongi…
He’d spent years secretly pining over him, Yoongi sometimes hated himself for it. That he’d never been able to move on from the stupid crush he’d developed. The crush that had only grown worse when Jimin told him quietly one late night in the practice room that he was gay. Hope had blossomed that maybe he had a chance. Only for it to be dashed moments later when Jimin revealed he’d liked one of their back up dancers. Someone who was very different to Yoongi. Jimin had dated a few guys over the years, though none of them worked out. He told Yoongi it was down to his busy schedule, that he’d never had the time to commit to a relationship properly, that the people he’d dated just didn’t understand how Jimin’s job was his priority, and Yoongi’s heart ached for him. They were both similar in the way that they were both very ambitious and focussed on the group, their music. Yoongi had watched Jimin as he blossomed into himself, always striving to be better, to do better. Yoongi was the same, they shared that drive. But Yoongi also knew Jimin was full of love, and he deserved to have someone who would be at his side through it all.
Not that Yoongi could talk. He also had his string of failed relationships since becoming an idol. Though he knew deep down the reason his had never worked out wasn’t because he was too busy being a member of BTS, and instead because he had lingering feelings for his friend. Which was ridiculous and something he really needed to get over, but didn’t know how.
‘Do you ever wish you had someone like that?’ Jimin asked softly.
Yoongi looked up at the tv to see the two leads sitting together, fingers intertwined, as they watched the sunset. Glancing over at Jimin, remembering how only a week ago they had done almost exactly that, minus the hand holding on the rooftop of their building. Jimin had dragged him up there to see the snow and the spectacular winter sunrise. To him, Yoongi already had that.
‘Yeah.’ He replied, his heart tight in his chest as he tried to push down his feelings.
He already had it, but not really. Never completely.
‘Have you ever been in love hyung, for real?’ Jimin asked.
Yoongi nodded.
‘What happened?’
‘It wasn’t reciprocated.’ Yoongi told him.
‘Oh. But how?’
Yoongi looked over at him and Jimin was looking down at his own fingers as they played with Tang’s fur.
‘What d’you mean how?’
‘How could someone not love you back?’ Jimin said.
‘That’s just how it goes sometimes.’
‘Yeah but, how could they not love you?’
Yoongi didn’t know how to respond to that.
‘Do you still love them?’ Jimin asked, looking up at him.
Yoongi again didn’t know what to say. Should he lie? Say he got over them. Got over him or admit that it was still there, always holding ground in his heart?
‘I…’
‘Sorry, was that too invasive? I know I’m like that sometimes.’ Jimin said.
‘It’s okay.’
‘It’s not though. I know I can be a bit much sometimes, and I’m trying to be better.’
‘You’re not too much Jimin-ah.’ Yoongi assured him.
‘You don’t have to lie.’
‘I’m not, Jimin why are you saying that? Who told you, you were too much?’
Jimin’s eyes were cast down again,
‘Jimin?’
‘This guy… I was seeing him before we enlisted.’ Oh, Yoongi didn’t know about that. ‘It was, I don’t know, I thought it was something more than it was I guess. He said I was too intense. That I was clingy and overbearing.’
‘He sounds like an dick.’
‘Hyung!’
That had Jimin’s head shooting back up, eyes wide.
‘What? He does. You’re not too much and him telling you that is just dick behaviour.’
‘Hyuuuung.’ Jimin whined, but he was smiling as he pressed himself back into the sofa.
‘Did you love him?’ Yoongi asked. He knew it was a dangerous question, one he wasn’t even sure he wanted to answer too.
‘No. I thought I did at the time.’ Jimin told him, ‘but I don’t think I did not really. I think I just wanted to be with someone.’
‘I know that feeling.’
‘Yeah?’
‘When we can’t have the person we want, or maybe find the right person. We just cling to the one closest to fill that void.’ Yoongi said, thinking of his own attempts.
‘I don’t know if I’ve ever been in love.’ Jimin confessed, avoiding Yoongi’s gaze.
‘That’s okay.’
‘How do you know? How do you know when you’re in love with someone?’
‘I don’t know how to explain it.’ Yoongi told him, ‘it’s different for everyone. I think… I know the movies say it feels like fireworks or whatever, but for me, it’s the opposite. It’s like a calmness, nothing intense or crazy, just content. When you’re with your person, it just feels, I don’t know… right.’
‘Like you’re home.’ Jimin said in a gentle voice.
‘Yeah.’
Jimin looked up at him, ‘but that’s how I feel when I’m with you.’
‘Jimin-ah…’
‘Fuck, I’m sorry.’ Jimin said, moving to get up. Tang leapt up as he moved, meowing loudly at being disturbed. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.’
‘Jimin wait…’ Yoongi said, grabbing his wrist as Jimin moved to get up.
Jimin turned to look at him, and Yoongi could’ve sworn there was a sheen to his eyes. Those big puppy eyes that looked so scared. Yoongi’s chest felt tight, like his heart was in a vice.
‘Jimin please, sit down. You don’t need to go.’
For a brief moment Yoongi thought he would still pull away as his wrist slipped from Yoongi’s grasp, but a second later he was sinking back onto the sofa, though he was no longer pressed against Yoongi’s side. Instead he sat on the edge, elbows braced on his knees as he looked down at his bare feet.
Yoongi reached over and rubbed his back, soothing circles as he waited for Jimin to collect himself. He had no idea what to think about what Jimin had just said. What it could possibly mean, but the tightness in his chest felt a lot like hope, hope that he probably shouldn’t be holding out for but couldn’t let go of all the same.
That’s how I feel about you.
It couldn’t possibly mean what Yoongi thought it did. Jimin couldn’t… he couldn’t love Yoongi. Not like that. Never like that. Jimin was just confusing Yoongi’s description of his own feelings to what he felt for his members, his brothers.
‘I’m sorry.’ Jimin mumbled again.
‘Can you please stop apologising, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for.’ Yoongi assured him.
‘I… I didn’t mean…’
Of course he didn’t. Yoongi’s heart sank all the same.
‘I didn’t mean to say it out loud.’ Jimin said.
Yoongi’s hand stilled for a split second, and he knew Jimin noticed but he pushed himself to keep rubbing his back. To not let him know that it had effected him.
‘It’s okay Jimin-ah.’
‘I just never realised it before now. Not until you said all that.’ Jimin continued. ‘And I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be saying all this and I’m sorry cos I know it’ll make you uncomfortable but I don’t know how to keep it inside.’
Yoongi didn’t say anything, he didn’t know what to say.
‘I always knew it was different with you, I just didn’t know what that meant.’ Jimin told him, ‘I just thought it was cos we were close y’know? Like, you’re my best friend and I just thought… but that’s not it. It’s… when you said that was what… it hit me like a tonne of bricks and…’
‘Jimin-ah…’
Jimin sat up straight and turned to look at Yoongi, tears clung to his eyelashes, his cheeks flushed pink and Yoongi wanted nothing more than to pull him into his arms and make it all go away, make it better.
‘Yoongi…’
Jimin rarely dropped the honourifics with him, with anyone really even though they’d all told the younger members it was fine. So hearing Jimin say his name like that…
‘Come here.’ Yoongi said, opening his arms.
Jimin crawled into them immediately, burying his face in Yoongi’s neck. Yoongi held him close, and he could feel Jimin’s fists grasping the back of his shirt tight.
‘It’s okay, whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay.’ Yoongi assured him, though his own heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. His insides a hurricane of thoughts and feelings that he didn’t know how to contain.
After a couple of minutes Jimin pulled back, and the way he looked at Yoongi made it feel like his entire world was tilting on its axis. He felt dizzy, like he was falling and flying at the same time. He reached up, brushing the hair back from Jimin’s face. It was getting long, the blond strands of his bangs hanging below his eyes. He was beautiful beyond words, even with red rimmed eyes and flushed cheeks. Yoongi let his hand come to rest on his cheek, thumb brushing over his cheekbone. He knew Jimin was looking at him, those deep brown eyes searching for his own, but Yoongi had always struggled with eye contact. Perhaps terrified that if their eyes met Jimin would see into his soul and all those feelings he held secret within it. So when he lifted his gaze, and opened himself up to that possibility he felt almost exposed.
Time seemed to still between them, the sound of the tv falling to a muffled hum in the background. They were so close that Yoongi could see the light freckles that dusted Jimin’s skin, even in the dim light, like a constellation speckled over his smooth skin. Yoongi didn’t know what made him do it, but he couldn’t stop himself, couldn’t stop the pull. He leaned in closer, or maybe Jimin did, he wasn’t sure. The only thing he was sure of, was the feeling of Jimin’s lips against his own.
It only lasted the briefest of moments, but when he pulled back he could still feel the warmth of Jimin's touch. The softness of his lips a ghost against Yoongi’s own. His chest was tight again as he waited, but Jimin didn’t say anything, only stared at him.
He should say something. Anything.
He’d fucked up. He shouldn’t have kissed him. Jimin was confused. He’d taken advantage of the moment. Fuck fuck fuck…
He opened his mouth to say something, but they failed to come. He could feel the panic beginning to build inside of him, like a swelling volcano ready to erupt. Why wasn’t Jimin saying anything?!
‘Jimin…’ Yoongi managed to get out, but before he could say anything else Jimin was kissing him again.
This time he was in no doubt who initiated the kiss, Jimin’s lips crashed against his own and all Yoongi could do was melt into the touch. Jimin’s hand was on the back of his head, the other resting on his shoulder as he kissed Yoongi with something akin to desperation. Yoongi’s hands fell to Jimin’s waist, pulling him closer as Jimin deepened the kiss, his tongue brushing against Yoongi’s. Yoongi let all those years of feelings spill out, pouring out in a tidal wave of emotion over them.
‘Yoongi…’ Jimin breathed against his lips.
Yoongi felt like crying, everything felt like too much and not enough all at once.
When Jimin finally pulled back, Yoongi felt breathless. And he only realised when they stopped that Jimin was in his lap, straddling Yoongi’s thighs. Jimin was slightly above him in this position, looking down at him with flushed skin and lips a little pinker than normal.
Fuck.
Jimin always had this way of looking both hot and cute and pretty at the same time that Yoongi could never get his head around, and he looked like an extreme version of that as he sat there in Yoongi’s lap, the post-kiss haze settling over them.
They had kissed.
Jimin had kissed him.
‘Hyung I…’
‘Don’t call me that.’ Yoongi replied without thinking.
‘W-what?’
‘Hyung, don’t call me hyung.’
Jimin frowned, a crease forming between his eyebrows, lips turning down in a pout as his gaze dropped.
‘Sorry.’ He whispered.
‘Call me by my name Jimin, say it…’ Yoongi said, ‘please.’
‘Yoongi…’
He felt like a tornado of butterflies had erupted in his stomach as Jimin said his name and looked up at him again. The tension between them was thick enough to cut with a knife. It was almost smothering.
Yoongi had so much to say, but words failed him yet again. He reached up and brushed Jimin’s hair back again, his skin warm under the fingers that trailed over his temple.
‘Did you mean it?’ Yoongi asked.
‘Mean what?’
‘That you felt… that you feel that way about me?’
‘Yes.’
The word left Yoongi speechless again. It hung between them like a grenade waiting for one slight move before exploding their lives into pieces.
‘I didn’t realise it until now, I’m an idiot. It’s been there all along and I just… I guess I just thought it was something else, but now that I know…’ Jimin said, ‘its like it all fell into place, and when you kissed me…’
‘It felt right.’ Yoongi finished for him.
Jimin nodded, ‘it felt like home.’
Tears pricked at Yoongi’s eyes, everything he’d been carrying all these years threatening to spill over. It didn’t feel real, none of it did and still… it was. Jimin was there, Yoongi's hand still rested on his waist. He could feel the weight of him, his body heat, could smell the light fragrance that he always wore.
Jimin laughed, and Yoongi looked up at him.
‘What?’ He asked.
‘Just thinking what an idiot I am, y’know I had the biggest crush on you during our debut.’
Yoongi’s eyebrows shot up, ‘you did?’
‘How could I not? Hyung- Yoongi, you were so cool and hot and I was a mess. It’s how I realised I was into guys, you can ask Taehyung, I whined to him about it for weeks.’
Yoongi didn’t know what to say, the thought of Jimin having a crush on him back then sounded crazy.
Jimin slid off his lap, settling in beside him on the sofa once again, but this time he didn’t shy away, one had remained on Yoongi’s thigh.
‘I should’ve known that never really went away.’ Jimin added, ‘but I guess I just pushed it down. Locked it away cos I never thought you could like me like that. Then I just tried to find someone else, but now I know that none of them worked because none of them made me feel the way you do.’
‘It was you.’ Yoongi said.
‘What was?’
‘You’re the one I was talking about earlier.’ Yoongi told him. ‘The person I loved, who didn't return the feelings.’
Jimin fell silent, and Yoongi wondered if he’d ruined it. If saying that had been wrong. He waited for Jimin to respond, but he said nothing his eyes fixed on his hand that rested atop his thigh.
‘You never answered earlier.’ Jimin said when he finally spoke again.
‘Answered what?’
‘When I asked if you still loved them.’
Oh.
‘Yes, I do. I never stopped.’ Yoongi said, resting his own hand over Jimin’s.
‘Really?’
‘Yeah Jimin, I’ve been in love with you for a long time.’ Yoongi told him.
The confession felt like a weight being lifted. All those years with it hanging over him, words unspoken, now out in the world. It was terrifying and freeing.
‘I love you too, Yoongi.’
Jimin twisted his hand around and interlaced his fingers with Yoongi’s, they fit perfectly together like they were made for each other, and maybe they were.
‘Can I kiss you again?’ Jimin asked, and Yoongi could only laugh.
‘Yes Jiminie, you can kiss me as much as you want.’
Jimin smiled at him, so wide his dimple appeared and Yoongi’s heart fluttered. He leaned down as Jimin reached up to cup his cheek, their lips meeting again in a soft slow kiss that felt filled with a decade’s worth of feelings.
They sat like that for a while, kissing slowly, taking their time. Yoongi’s head was spinning but he couldn’t bring himself to think of anything but the feeling of Jimin’s lips against his and the warmth of his hands on his skin. It was only when he felt the sudden weight of Tang on his lap and a loud meowing sounding that they finally broke apart.
Jimin giggled as he plucked Tang from Yoongi’s lap, cradling him like a baby in his arms.
‘I think someone wants attention.’ He said, as loud purrs erupted.
Yoongi rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help the fondness that spread through him watching Jimin pander to his baby. Despite his allergy, Jimin had taken to Tang from the moment he’d met him, suffering through bouts of sneezing and itching just to be around the cat. Though, Yoongi could hardly blame him, Tang was very cute. And together, they were the cutest thing Yoongi had ever laid eyes on.
‘What happens now?’ Jimin asked, his voice soft as he continued to cuddle Tang.
‘What do you want to happen?’
‘I… I don’t know.’
‘How about we just take it slow.’ Yoongi suggested, he himself wasn’t sure what their next steps should be. Everything had changed in an instant and he was left feeling a little adrift. He’d spent so much time holding in the feelings that he had for Jimin, never expecting anything to come of them, and now they were out in the open and Jimin had told him he felt the same. It wasn’t something he’d ever imagined happening.
‘That’s probably a good idea, but…’
‘But?’
‘But, I feel like we’ve already wasted so much time. I’ve wasted so much time.’ Jimin said.
‘What d’you mean?’
‘I was so oblivious to my own feelings, what they meant, and I can’t help thinking what if I’d realised sooner, what our relationship could’ve been…’
‘Jimin-ah, there’s no point on dwelling on what-ifs. Yeah things probably would’ve been different, but maybe that just wasn’t the right time for us. Life has it’s ways of making things happen right when they’re supposed to.’ Yoongi told him.
Jimin huffed out a laugh, ‘you always know the right thing to say.’
Yoongi shrugged, ‘I’m just trying not to get stuck on the past and things that I can’t change. It’s something Jin-hyung taught me, and I’m trying to put it into practice.’
‘Jin-hyung is very wise, though don’t tell him I said that, he’ll never let it drop.’ Jimin said giggling.
‘I’m gonna tell him the instant I see him next.’
‘Yah!’ Jimin smacked him on the thigh, but he was laughing.
Yoongi couldn’t stop himself grinning wide, the tension that had been hovering over them as they had confessed their feelings and let everything between them come to light vanished. Everything had changed, but it hadn’t. They were still the same two people they’d always been, just a little more now.
‘What are we gonna tell the others?’ Jimin asked as he leaned into Yoongi’s side again, letting his head rest against his shoulder.
‘I think, when we’re ready, we should just be honest and just tell them how it is. Though be prepared for Hobi to overreact.’
‘Overreact? Why? Will he be upset?’ Jimin asked, concern pulling at his features.
Yoongi laughed, ‘oh god no, the opposite, he will be too happy. He’s been nagging me for years to tell you how I feel.’
‘He knew?’
‘Yeah, I got drunk and told him everything one night.’ Yoongi admitted, it had been a rough night. They’d been working overtime preparing for a comeback and it had all got little too much for Yoongi, so Hoseok had taken it upon himself to get them drunk and they’d talked, a lot.
‘That explains a lot.’ Jimin said.
Yoongi looked at him with raised brows.
‘He always said we were like a married couple and would tease me whenever we did things together, saying that you were my favourite hyung and stuff. I just thought he was just joking, but I guess not.’
Yoongi rolled his eyes, ‘he’s a pain in the ass.’
‘Tae is gonna be the same by the way.’
‘Yeah?’
Jimin nodded, ‘he told me back when I had that crush on you to say something, that we belonged together. So I just know he’s going to be insufferable.’
Yoongi laughed, it was certainly going to be interesting telling the others about… whatever this was. Of course, what this actually was remained unclear. It was still so raw and new, and he was acutely aware that they were both venturing into unknown waters.
‘Wait, is that why you moved next door to me?’ Jimin said after a short while.
Yoongi had been lost in thought, picturing the little life he could maybe build with Jimin if things worked out. Getting way ahead of himself really, but he couldn’t help it, he was thrumming with hope.
‘What?’
‘Hobi hyung said you moved here to be close to me, I thought he was just teasing… but…’
‘I did move to be close to you.’ Yoongi confessed, ‘but not like that. Jimin-ah, you’re one of my best friends, and you’re someone I feel comfortable with. You know what I’m like, I struggle around people a lot, my anxiety…’
‘Hyung-‘
‘But I don’t feel like that around you.’
Jimin’s eyes widened, ‘really?’
Yoongi nodded.
‘I didn’t know. I thought I made you feel uncomfortable.’
‘Why would you?’ Yoongi asked.
‘I know I can be touchy, and you don’t like that.’
‘I like it when it’s you.’ Yoongi said, quietly.
‘Oh.’
Yoongi dared to look up at Jimin, his mouth was open in a perfect ‘o’ as he looked at Yoongi, his puppy-eyes on full display which made Yoongi’s heart flutter. All he wanted to do was kiss him.
‘I always held back because I thought you didn’t like it.’ Jimin told him.
‘I don’t mind.’ Yoongi said with a shrug, pretending that he didn’t just admit to liking Jimin’s touch only moments before.
‘Does that mean I can be a little more clingy with you?’ Jimin teased, slipping his arm through Yoongi’s and throwing a leg over his thigh.
Yoongi rolled his eyes, ‘I don’t think I have much of a choice after admitting that.’
‘True, plus, wouldn’t it be normal to be close to your boyfriend.’
‘Boyfriend?’
Jimin’s eyes went wide, his cheeks flushed pink.
‘Well- I mean- unless you don’t…’ Jimin stuttered, his eyes wide and while Yoongi loved teasing him, he couldn’t stand seeming him floundering over this particular subject.
‘Jimin-ah…’ Yoongi said, making him stop and look up. ‘If that’s what you want?’
‘I- I do. I mean, have we not wasted enough time?’ Jimin said, his eyes still filled with uncertainty. ‘I know it feels kind of sudden, to hear all of that from me, but I mean it when I say that everything suddenly made sense. I’ve been stupid to ignore that feeling, or ignore what it really meant, I guess I’d convinced myself that nothing could ever happen and all these years I’ve been trying to fill this void I felt with something else, someone else…’
‘I’ve been doing the same, though I was very aware of my feelings. A little too much at times.’ Yoongi admitted.
‘I’m sorry, I wish I’d realised sooner.’ Jimin said, reaching up and tucking Yoongi’s hair behind his ear. ‘I guess I was just lying to myself all this time, and now I don’t want to waste anymore time.’
Yoongi couldn’t help but feel incredibly endeared yet again. Jimin had a way of making his heart feel soft and full.
‘I think you’re right.’ Yoongi said, reaching out to brush Jimin’s hair back from his face. ‘I don’t want to waste anymore time either.’
‘This all feels so right.’ Jimin said, leaning his cheek into Yoongi’s hand as he cupped his jaw. ‘Almost as if it’s what I’ve been waiting for all this time.’
‘Hm, if that’s the case you’re gonna have to change the lyrics to Who.’
Jimin looked at him, eyebrows pinched.
‘Needs to be ‘he’ rather than ‘she’, no?’ Yoongi said, grinning.
‘Aish,’ Jimin slapped him on the arm again. ‘Or maybe you can pull out that old Min Yoonji wig out and we’ll call it even.’
The two of them burst out laughing, and it felt so light. All the weight that had been bearing down on him over the years finally lifted. Yoongi knew Jimin was the one he’d been waiting for, the only one he knew was right for him. While their future still held infinite possibilities, something deep down inside of him told him this was the right path. They would walk it together, and face whatever came as one.
‘I want to tell the others.’ Jimin said after a moment, ‘but not yet. I want to keep it to ourselves for a little bit.’ Yoongi nodded. ‘I’m being selfish, but I just want to keep it as just ours for a while.’
‘I get that.’
‘And, I want to tell everyone.’ Jimin said, eyes cast down on their hands which had somehow found each other, fingers intertwined. ‘I thought about it a lot, when we were away. Talked about it with Jungkookie, now that it’s all over and we don’t have enlistment hanging over us, I want to come out. I don’t want to keep that part of me hidden anymore.’
‘You sure?’
Jimin nodded. ‘I know it’ll be hard, and I’ll get a lot of hate…’
‘We’ll all be there with you. You know that right?’
‘Yeah, I do. It’s the only reason why I know I can do it.’ Jimin said, squeezing his hand. ‘I see our fans talk about it all the time, how we’ve helped them feel comfortable being who they are, and I want them to know that they helped me do that too.’
‘Well whenever you’re ready, we can tell the world. I’ve already came out a million times, not that anyone seems to believe it.’ Yoongi said with a laugh.
‘I still don’t understand how they can confuse you saying you don’t have a preference in gender to you being straight.’ Jimin said, laughing with him. ‘And there’s those Cypher 3 lyrics…’
Yoongi looked at him, knowing full well which particular lyrics he was referring to.
‘Yeah I was quite clear about that.’
‘Hm, though I’ll have to find out for myself whether it was true or just talk.’
‘Oh will you now?’ Yoongi asked, and the heaviness of the topic lifted as Jimin bit his lip and looked at Yoongi a little bashfully.
‘I believe its only right, as your boyfriend, to make sure that you’re being honest.’ Jimin said, leaning over and pressing a kiss to the corner of Yoongi’s mouth. ‘But not tonight.’ He added, ‘tonight I just want to stay here like this.’
‘That sounds perfect to me.’ Yoongi said, wrapping his arm around Jimin, pulling him in closer. ‘Though we might have to restart your drama, I have no idea what’s happening.’
Jimin laughed, that airy giggle that makes Yoongi’s heart flutter.
‘Yeah, we’ve been a little distracted.’
They ended up starting the drama again from the beginning, though Yoongi still has no idea what happened in it, as they spent most of the evening kissing and talking. They really had wasted a lot of time not acknowledging or realising their own feelings. But now they were out in the open, it felt so easy to let it all pour out. Jimin told him about the crush he’d had during their training and debut years, and Yoongi told him how he’d been hiding his feelings for him since they’d went to Hawaii, how as they’d spent an evening talking under the stars he'd realised he was in love with him and had to keep it a secret so he didn’t ruin their friendship. It all seemed so stupid now, if only one of them had been brave enough to confess back then, maybe they wouldn’t have missed out on so much time together, but at the same time, Yoongi thought that maybe it just hadn’t been the right time for them and if they had confessed back then, it might not have worked out. That maybe this was the right time for them. This was their moment.
When they finally moved to the bedroom, there was a little awkwardness at first, but it soon melted away as Jimin wrapped himself around Yoongi, his chest to Yoongi’s back, arms tucked around his waist. He felt at piece as sleep wrapped itself around him, pulling him into it’s depths. The last thing Yoongi felt before he drifted off, being Jimin’s lips against the nape of his neck.