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Rain splashed around him, large raindrops that soaked into the surroundings, but his superpower waves easily kept them at bay. For the third night in a row, he watched one particular window of the dormitory building within his territory that was, for the first time, filled with life and students. The frame around the window he was watching was marked, though in such a way not to be visible by a passerby standing below. There was a claw mark on it, his claw mark, with his scent lingering there even after being somewhat diluted by the rain.
The window opened, and the voice he was waiting for called out.
“I have something to tell you. Come out.”
He moved through the accommodation window, stopping just within as his gaze took in the student within the dorm. Jo Euishin was noticeably older than when he’d first arrived in this world, every day growing steadily into the man Baek-ho knew. Only a bit more height to go, and a bit more refining of his facial structure, before he took on his full adult appearance. His body was already stronger, not only due to the power inherent in a Player, but with the honing formed from dedicated physical training.
Rain continued to pour through the open window behind him, still avoiding Baek-ho's form, but water splashed, a raindrop bouncing towards Euishin’s right eye, causing him to close it. The remaining left eye looked unfocused.
Euishin's vision was blurry.
Being his domain, the building moved at Baek-ho’s will, closing the window to block out any further rain. He stared intently into that unfocused left eye, not yet healed from the horrible damage that had been inflicted upon it.
The right eye blinked back open and the black, shining eye stared into his own. For a moment Baek-ho could see his own seemingly indifferent white eyes through Euishin’s gaze.
“I didn’t sense your presence at all. Is it because this is your territory?”
That’s right, he thought, then repeated the words out loud. He waited. Would today be the day? Or would Euishin once again set aside his doubts and delay anything being permitted to change. He withheld any visible evidence of his feelings on the matter. He had promised not to interfere. Though over the past two nights, he had stepped in, that was only at the direction of the very Euishin in front of him, during such a time that the waking Euishin could not remember.
This waking Euishin felt frustrated at his silence.
Baek-ho waited for him to speak. To demand. This one person who could alter his promise.
“You were around here even before I called you, weren’t you?”
Yes. Always. But Baek-ho did not repeat those words out loud this time.
“It seemed like you opened and closed the window while I was asleep yesterday and the day before yesterday.”
Careful. Baek-ho spoke cautiously, simply affirming what Euishin already knew. “That’s right. I was around here yesterday and the day before yesterday as well.”
“Why?”
“Because I needed to be here.”
It was beautiful, watching Euishin’s mind work.
With practically no further input from Baekho, slowly he worked everything out, remembering conversations from various points in time over the past year and a half, picking out every single incongruity. From Baek-ho guarding over his sleep, to the divine beast, dubbed Snare for his role in keeping Euishin close, anxiously trying to wake him up until Baek-ho convinced him it was okay. The leader of the Sheep Clan sensing the presence of a nightmare emanating from someone near the meeting of the zodiac heads. Realizing that the underworld gods had seen his burden. That Insomnium had not been able to attend the meeting of the gods of death while Euishin was there, awake. The strange words of the minor butterfly creature, who’d been surprised that he was human and asked if he had anything precious to him.
Euishin’s thoughts began to turn anxious. “Answer me. Am I the nightmare?”
“No.” Baek-ho was finally permitted to answer when such was demanded of him, but even if not, he could not have allowed that dark swirl of anxiety to continue within Euishin’s mind. There were limits. “You merely carry the nightmare.”
The reassurance helped, but not completely as Euishin remembered how potent even nightmare dust could be.
He also remembered how Baek-ho had told him before that he didn’t need to worry. Euishin now felt such words were nonsense.
“You’re telling me not to worry when Maeng Hyodon had nightmares so bad he couldn’t even sleep properly because of me?” Even as he spoke in almost accusation, his feelings were not of anger, but of a deep fear and guilt. Euishin’s mind recalled a previous occurrence, during his overseas trip. The building codes abroad were not up to the same standard as within Korea, allowing supernatural energy to leak out when Euishin slept, impacting the sleeping Mun Saeron in the next room over into experiencing her own nightmare.
“You told me I didn’t have to worry. Do you still think the same?”
It was difficult to answer, to explain, but before Baek-ho could come up with the words, Euishin was already putting things together. Trusting in Baek-ho not to lie to him. Remembering words from the Sheep Tribe leader.
“I really didn’t need to worry until now. Even when I was asleep, I might have woken up quickly or it might not have had a significant impact on dreams. Could it be that the nightmares have gotten stronger than when you told me not to worry?”
Baek-ho nodded slowly and answered. “If it had been right after you arrived, the other person would have woken up from the dream without me having to cut away the traces of the nightmare.”
Euishin’s thoughts continued to piece together memories. With a sick feeling emanating from him, he concluded that the nightmare had grown more powerful because he, Jo Euishin, was more powerful, with more supernatural energy at his disposal. And that jin and descendants would be in danger from his presence.
Then those black eyes stared at Baekho, overly wide. “You are a jin who has lost your true name.”
It was true, so he could only nod.
“Is your loss related to the nightmare I carry?”
“No.” Baek-ho rushed to reassure. “Losing my True Name has nothing to do with nightmares.”
“Really?” Euishin’s voice sounded cynical, almost sarcastic. “You know very well what I bear, so I thought it would be related.”
“But there is a connection between my True Name’s whereabouts and the nightmare.”
“What are you talking about?” Euishin narrowed his eyebrows, almost glaring. His thoughts wondered at what seemed to be a play on words.
There was no choice now but to state everything. He wanted to smile, but the anxiety still emanating from Euishin prevented him from doing so. Instead, with all due seriousness, he answered. “Because my True Name was used to bestow a blessing upon you.”
Euishin looked shocked. Too shocked. While it was amusing to be able to provide to that mind information he had not realized, the reason such would never have crossed his thoughts was less lighthearted. Euishin couldn’t even imagine someone might do something like that for his sake.
Yet again, Euishin’s thoughts spun, eventually settling upon two inconsistencies. First, the fact that both parties involved must agree to a blessing and second the fact that Baek-ho lost his True Name long before Euishin has even been born.
“It seems those two things are weighing on your mind.”
Euishin froze, then stared up at him. “Did you read my mind?”
Baek-ho's tone of voice softened. For a moment it rumbled, like the start of a purr. “We are connected by the most powerful blessing the Jin can bestow, so there is no way I wouldn’t know what you are thinking.”
Euishin had difficulties accepting the mind reading aspect of things, but slowly, gently, Baek-ho talked it through with him. He could not read every thought unless he fully concentrated, since Euishin had a habit of thinking deeply. He would know when danger struck on him. He fought in harmony with Euishin not due to mind reading, but because Euishin was the student he personally taught martial arts. And he would never look into the other’s mind while playing chess.
That last, he thought might well have been considered an irredeemable sin, if he had.
It amused him that Euishin still resented the fact that Baek-ho had beaten him every time in chess. He didn’t mention that the situation tended towards the opposite when he played against Euishin’s sleeping self.
Instead, he revealed to Euishin the tale that no one, other than Euishin while sleeping, knew. Using the explosive power from the collision of worlds to wield his power to go anywhere beyond the borders of this world. Seeking the soul of his brother, Eunho, Baek-ho only partially succeeded, finding a likely place, but not the actual soul. In order not to lose that clue, Baek-ho had imprinted his presence there with his True Name so that he might return later and resume his search.
As expected, Euishin’s thoughts fully realized the gravity of what he had done, but Baek-ho still felt he had only done what he could. There were no regrets. Quite the opposite.
Euishin thought that if Eunho ever found out, he would only serve Baek-ho dried persimmon tea and persimmon food at teatime for about a hundred years.
“You know my younger brother well.” Baek-ho looked at Euishin fondly. “Since Eunho is practically your brother, it’s no wonder you know him so well.”
Euishin failed to get the point of those words, but he didn’t press it for now, returning to his story. After having lost his true name, the Heavenly God imprisoned him in the Divine Realm, but there was a loophole. Baek-ho could still travel via dreams. And he did, returning to that world where his brother’s soul seemed destined to appear.
But before he’d found his brother, he discovered the dreams of Jo Euishin.
“I don’t dream.”
“Jo Eushin,” Baek-ho asserted. “It is not that you do not dream. It is that you cannot remember your dreams. You are dreaming a more powerful dream than anyone else. It is a dream strong enough to hold onto a nightmare, even though you were not even ten years old at the time.”
Baek-ho would never forget it, the sight of that small, shining child. Fearless, rude. Telling Baek-ho to get out. Not even talking to him again properly until Baek-ho learned the basics of chess. Facing a desperate fight against Insomnium, a creature that made the most powerful of jin quake, and yet stubbornly refusing Baek-ho's help against such a force until he’d proven himself to meet the boy’s standards.
And then, even when he’d finally agreed to accept Baek-ho's blessing, forcing Baek-ho to agree not to interfere in exchange for being permitted to provide what help the blessing itself could give. Forcing Baek-ho to be practically helpless in watching the other face the nightmare again and again, to endure the consequences of the times when he lost. The blessing strengthened and warmed the other, so it was not useless, but for the most part, he could only watch at Euishin’s side as the boy turned into a man and fought his battles practically on his own.
At least Baek-ho was able to stay at his side. Until the moment he’d thought it had all ended.
He watched the Euishin in front of him with slightly darkened eyes. If Euishin had not been brought to this world at that time.... Setting aside such thoughts and feelings, Baek-ho focused on helping the other to understand the reason for his lack of memory. “The more you perceive the existence of the nightmare, the stronger its power becomes. That is why you still refuse to remember your dreams, and why it gets in your way when I open my mouth to convey clues about the nightmare.”
Despite his words and explanation, Euishin continued to self-blame for the nightmares suffered by Mun Saeron and Maeng Hyodon.
“It’s not your fault.”
Baek-ho's words didn’t help. He reached out, holding the other’s shoulders, feeling the cool skin through the shirt that separated their skin from touching. “It’s not your fault.” He wanted to press those words into Euishin’s skin, but resisted the urge for greater physical contact, feeling it would not be welcomed.
Though Euishin did not throw off his hands.
Euishin brushed aside his words. “Take your True Name,” Euishin told him instead. He was starting to get used to Baek-ho being able to read his thoughts and was gradually speaking less, but that demand he spoke out loud, perhaps because Baek-ho ignored the similar set of thoughts.
“I don’t like it.” More than dislike. The very thought of taking back his Name, of losing that connection, made him want to roar.
Euishin thought he should be able to handle the burden now on his own. He worried for Baek-ho's state of being separated from his True Name more than he did for himself. An outsider might have thought that Euishin didn’t truly understand the gravity of what the Nightmare embodied, perhaps due to his missing memories of his dreams, but Baek-ho knew such didn’t matter. Even while facing the conflict with that creature directly, his dreaming self was no different.
And so, Baek-ho wouldn’t let either side of him go. “As long as it doesn’t get in your way, I will do what I want to do from now on,” Baek-ho promised the other quietly. “You don’t have to worry about me either. Just do what you want to do and what you have to do.”
Anger tinged upon Euishin’s thoughts. How can I not care when I am receiving the true name of my final playable character as a blessing!
He was still holding the other’s shoulders, and staring down at the slightly angry and trying-not-to-feel-moved human, who was looking infuriated, and yet so purely caring.
An impulse came over him. To lower his head. Press his face against the skin of the person in front of him. Bite the back of his neck. What he really wanted to do.
It startled him. Since when?
He dropped his hands from the other’s shoulders. He needed to think this over before he acted. He needed to talk to Euishin’s sleeping self. But Euishin also needed time to think, and was unlikely to sleep anytime soon.
Retreating before he acted on impulse, Baek-ho went out the window without saying anything more.
He smelled his own scent as he departed, still faintly emanating from the claw mark he’d left outside the window from the moment Euishin had claimed the space inside as his temporary room.
Calming down, he met with the divine beast, reassured this only other being who was aware of both Euishin’s burden and what Baek-ho had determined to reveal to him tonight. Once the beast was assured that Euishin was as well as could be expected, Baek-ho found himself too restless to remain. Leaving the divine beast watching within sight of Euishin’s window, Baek-ho headed to Eunhwi Hall, the main building of Eungwang School.
Hwang-ho in the form of Hwang Myeongho was scheduled to be there on standby at all hours during the training camp. Hwang-ho scolded Baek-ho for not returning to the mansion, but still offered him a seat, tea, and conversation.
Hwang-ho expressed the thought that Baek-ho looked relieved.
“Is that so?” Baek-ho responded, accepting the teacup Hwangho offered. Thanks to revealing the long-hidden secret to Jo Euishin, Baek-ho felt relieved on the inside, just as described, but his heart was not at ease. Jo Euishin’s anguish and thoughts were conveyed through the True Name blessing even while he was a distance away, drinking tea. And his own thoughts… but those needed to wait until he could face the Euishin while asleep.
The awake Jo Euishin was reviewing Baek-ho's past statements and actions one by one, analyzing them based on the facts he had learned today. Even though he could not read Baek-ho's thoughts, that terrifying insight made him feel as though his own body and mind had become transparent.
The fact that Euishin was thinking that way, even though he knew Baek-ho could read his mind, felt like a sort of provocation. As if Euishin was shouting at Baekho, saying that he was mobilizing all his thinking powers to analyze him.
“Baek-ho, what are you thinking that makes you smile like that?”
“Was I smiling?”
“Yeah. You don’t look happy, but you are smiling.”
Baek-ho didn’t answer. After leaving his True Name in another world and especially after bestowing his protection upon Jo Euishin, he could not smile. Watching Jo Euishinn lose his family and dreams and the gameplay of that game which seemed to depict the future of this world, there was nothing to laugh about.
But now. Now, he could do what he wanted. Now that keeping his mouth shut in front of Jo Euishin had lost much meaning, and with the other having recognized the nightmare, he could extend the time spent at his side.
And explore his new realization.
He told Hwang-ho his intention. He would start attending school next semester as well. Claim a space within the dorms, within the two-person room that Euishin currently occupied alone.
Baek-ho recalled that he had marked outside the window of that room also. But not at first, not when Euishin had first arrived. Later, after he’d trained Euishin and the boy-appearance had begun to fade into that of the future man.
Hwang-ho agreed, of course. He’d been encouraging Baek-ho to attend school all this time, and while he’d prefer it if Euishin would simply move into the mansion, having someone share his dorm was better than him continuing to return to that place alone.
The next day, Euishin managed to set aside his deeper thoughts and concerns to spend a productive day training his classmates within the training camp.
The rain continued, so training was done indoors. Watching over him through the blessing, Baek-ho found himself smiling once again as Euishin pulled out a sword strike very reminiscent of Baek-ho's own fighting style. Euishin realized the similarity also, half-praising and half-critisizing the move in his head as a method that exuded the well founded confidence befitting a martial prodigy of the tiger clan. Although it created an opening immediately after use, the opponent was thrown into a panic by the all-out strike, rendering the opening practically meaningless. Euishin thought of it as a brute-force technique.
He performed Baek-ho’s technique well. Baek-ho liked that Euishin mimicked his moves.
Then Euishin’s thoughts spoke to him. It would be better to come and see it in person rather than just looking at it through a blessing like that. Since you already know everything anyway, if you want to see it, come and watch.
Baek-ho noted those words carefully.
After the long day at camp, Jo Euishin returned to his room. To his credit, he did make an attempt to rest, but as Baek-ho expected, Euishin was too tense about the prospect of the nightmare having grown even stronger upon his awareness of it. Midnight passed, and he still hadn’t been able to fall asleep.
Baek-ho purposefully rattled the window as he entered Euishin’s room.
Euishin’s thoughts immediately chided him for wandering out in the rain even though he could see quite clearly that Baek-ho had again completely covered himself in energy waves to keep the water off his skin and clothes.
I don’t know why you came all the way here, Euishin thought. It seemed he had completely adapted to taking advantage of Baek-ho being able to read his mind.
“Didn’t you tell me to come and see it if I wanted to?”
It’s been ages since the sparring ended, so why are you saying something like that now? I told you to come and see then.
“The fact that I came to see you remains unchanged.”
Euishin felt both happiness that his final player character had come to see him and frustration over his words. It must have been frustrating for you to keep your mouth shut all this time when you speak so well. Euishin purposefully transmitted angry feelings with those words.
Baek-ho laughed.
Are you laughing?
Baek-ho reminded Euishin of all of the various adjectives he’d been describing Baek-ho with in his thoughts over the past year and a half. Exceptional consideration, soaring respect, amazing, serious, reliable and ‘worthy of my final player character. “Seeing you now feels like a new experience.” He didn’t bring up the other memories that filled his thoughts, Euishin appreciating the appearance of his muscles and body.
Could he cause Euishin to appreciate him similarly now? If he towered over the other’s form. Rubbed his skin against the other’s skin.
Do you remember all of that? I don’t know what’s so funny about that. It’s true that I am angry right now, but since the feelings I had back then haven’t really changed, it wasn’t anything particularly special.
So very adorable. Baek-ho could feel his eyes curve, his mouth was smiling so broadly.
Tell me what you came for.
“I came because you were awake. Go to sleep.”
“No.” Euishin gave various arguments, out loud in addition to his thoughts. “Staying up all night for a few days is no problem. You’ve seen me for a while, so you know.”
Baek-ho knew. Euishin pushed himself every time.
If you have a complaint, say it out loud.
“I’m unhappy that you’re overexerting yourself.”
It's not unreasonable.
“You probably think so.” There would be no end to it if they continued in this manner. “If you can’t sleep, listening to a lullaby would be a good idea.”
Euishin objected, but Baek-ho explained that it was something prepared by the tiger descendants. Euishin could not ignore that bait and he obediently checked his messages, finding the link the descendants had sent him to a video of the talent show of the current first year class zero students.
Once the other’s focus was fully taken in by the video, Baek-ho began to move. He was quiet, but it still said something about the other’s state of mind that he did not notice anything. Of course, Euishin also trusted Baek-ho implicitly.
But he had to speak up when Euishin’s thoughts veered off into the idea that he should distance himself from the tigers. That they should never have trusted him, and had only done so due to a lack of objectivity.
“Jo Euishin, you would never put my friend or younger brother in danger. It is right for them to trust you.”
I have nightmares. You never know when they might run wild.
“We can go berserk if our emotions get heightened or we lose our reason.” Baek-ho stared at him, wanting to convey the seriousness of his words. “Since we would cause far greater damage than a human going berserk, we are very dangerous beings.”
While Euishin realized that danger Baek-ho spoke of, he had no intention of keeping his distance from the tigers for that reason. Such an attitude was expected, but also a relief.
“We are no different.” Baek-ho told him. Whatever danger Euishin brought with him, they would never abandon him. Baek-ho would never turn away.
Euishin wanted to refute, but could not, and his thoughts became distracted again by the video. Gong Cheong-hyeon’s refreshing and clear voice rang out.
Baek-ho took the opportunity to light the incense burner he’d snuck into the room. Euishin noticed too late, after the invisible smoke had already been breathed in, causing his tense form to relax beyond his power to resist.
“Sleep well, Jo Euishin.”
He smiled as Euishin glared at him until the last moment before his eyes closed and he finally slept. Then Baek-ho’s smile faded and he moved closer. Rearranged Euishin into a more comfortable position. Stared down at his sleeping form.
His dreams began, and Baek-ho moved quickly to travel within those dreams. Not asleep himself, but using a remnant of his weakened power to go anywhere.
Before he arrived, he could already hear the other’s thoughts, spinning over distracting topics of the nightmare’s growing power and keeping distance. Topics that would need addressed at some point, but less important than his current focus.
Baek-ho let out a low roar, breaking over those thoughts. “Euishin!”
Those black shining eyes avoided his own as Baek-ho stalked closer, eventually looming over the other’s form. Small form. Smaller, still, than his waking self. “You’re doing it on purpose. Taking on a younger appearance. You’ve also been distracting me, haven’t you? Bringing up other topics whenever my mind hints around realizing.”
There are more important things to focus on.
As his waking self was quickly adapting to, the Euishin within his dreams rarely spoke out loud.
Baek-ho reached out, touched the side of the other’s head. Gently, then with more force, moving him until that face looked into his own. More important than I am?
“That’s not what I…” Euishin trailed off as his gaze met Baek-ho’s piercing Glare.
“Since when? How long since you realized I liked you?”
For a moment, Euishin’s thoughts seemed to freeze. Impacted by him saying such so boldly, out loud.
He wouldn’t allow the other to escape, but his voice grew more gentle, “Since when?” Baek-ho repeated.
Euishin’s eyes closed, fleeing his gaze, but his thoughts confirmed the truth. During a moment that Euishin considered weakness, when he’d first graduated college and briefly thought his future intact before a parachute stole the job placement that he had earned, and the relatives of Eunho’s previous self further moved to destroy his prospects. Euishin had been in a brief positive place capable of noticing the affections of the white tiger towards himself.
And he’d immediately begun a campaign to bury his own thoughts on those affections too deeply for Baek-ho to hear, while employing various methods of distraction whenever Baek-ho risked becoming aware of his own feelings himself.
Up to and including immediately copying his waking self’s middle school appearance after he’d transferred to this world. Reminders of the child-Euishin quelled Baek-ho’s more intimate feelings. He might be captivated by even that child self, but he would never desire a child.
“Why?” Baek-ho demanded. If Euishin meant to reject him, he would have done so flatly, and they would have moved on from there.
“I was dying…”
Baek-ho growled at that memory, but he would not be distracted. “You weren’t dying at that time. And you aren’t dying now.”
Euishin’s eyes finally looked back at him, the emotions behind them pained, haunted even. “I’m human. Compared to a jin, I’ve been dying since the moment I was born.”
“Euishin…” Was that all? But it was his sincere concern, so it needed to be answered. “Whether tomorrow, in a century, or in a millennium, when you die, I will then spend my time focused solely on finding wherever your soul has gone. Your answer to my feelings, whether yes or no or continuing to run and hide, will not change that fact.”
“You…” Euishin looked at him in disbelief.
“Do you think I wouldn’t? Consider what I went through to find my brother.” Baek-ho lowered his head, drawing close enough to speak near Euishin ear. “Then remember who I was willing to allow to distract me from that search.”
Euishin refuted him. “I was in the world where you could find him. A means to an end.”
“No. I didn’t give him up, but you became my end. So if you can overpower even my feelings for my brother, for whom I was willing to risk everything, what chance do you think you possibly have to spare me grief at your departure?”
Euishin wanted to object further, but his thoughts were struggling to find the right words to use. And he was bothered by Baek-ho’s closeness. Feeling the large size of the white tiger that almost enveloped him.
“Are you going to reject me?” Baek-ho’s voice rumbled next to his ear. There were no physical smells in this place, but he felt Euishin’s very soul had a scent to it, and he breathed that scent in.
“Not…” Euishin’s thoughts were flustered, but the answer still formed. Not rejecting. “But that doesn’t mean accepting!”
Not accepting, huh? Yet Euishin’s form had grown from the younger appearance. Baek-ho lowered his head further, finally touching. The skin of his cheek nuzzled against the other’s face. Lips brushed against the neck, which he only barely resisted biting. “I will pursue you then.”
A deep shiver seemed to take over Euishin’s body, but for once, the other did not feel cold. With an effort, he pushed Baek-ho away.
This was Euishin’s dream space. If he’d really wanted Baek-ho away, he could have forced him. This was a place where mental strength mattered more than physical. But Baek-ho was not forced by the other’s mind. Still, he chose to give way, pulling back.
Euishin’s face looked flushed, but he glared. “Whatever,” he grumbled at last, attempting to turn his thoughts towards other things. “Just… don’t distract my waking self with this nonsense!”
That was an interesting dilemma. His waking self, while the same person, did not share the nighttime experiences. So unlike this Euishin, he would not yet have realized Baek-ho’s feelings. Or his own.
“Exactly,” Euishin agreed with Baek-ho’s thoughts, only belatedly catching on that such agreement gave an implied confession of his own.
“Very well,” Baek-ho drew closer again. The other looked nervous, but did not flee. “For the moment. I will content myself with distracting you.”
“You…”
Baek-ho swallowed his words as his mouth claimed Euishin’s. The action caused the other’s thoughts to freeze again. Lips pressed together, then tongues. Breaths intertwined.
A thought escaped the other’s control. My Baek-ho is kissing me! A giddy joy that briefly overcame the self-doubts and worries.
If his mouth was not otherwise occupied, he would have laughed. Yes, Baek-ho’s thoughts returned. Yours.