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It had taken three months and fifteen days on foot for Ellie to make it from Santa Barbara all the way to Jackson. She spent about four days healing up in an old attic and visited the farm to collect some things, and just incase Dina was somehow still waiting for her, with JJ and a smile on her face letting her in with open arms. She wasn’t. She had gone into the room she once used to love drawing in and tried playing her guitar. Without her fingers, it failed.
Maybe she would never play again. Ellie didn’t know if she could stomach relearning without Joel there to help her.
It had taken three months and fifteen days on foot for Ellie to make it from Santa Barbara all the way to Jackson. She spent about four days healing up in an old attic and visited the farm to collect some things, and just incase Dina was somehow still waiting for her, with JJ and a smile on her face letting her in with open arms. She wasn’t. She had gone into the room she once used to love drawing in and tried playing her guitar. Without her fingers, it failed.
Maybe she would never play again. Ellie didn’t know if she could stomach relearning without Joel there to help her.
Making her way through California had been hectic. Her skin had been red, hot and the sunburn peeled away the skin on her body, oh— and not to mention the fact two of her fingers were now missing. It was difficult to kill infected and she came across some not so nice travellers.
'You're going to die!' The large man had shouted. They were stupid to try and jump her.
Thank god she wasn’t left handed. Not being able to use your dominant hand in an apocalypse wasn’t ideal.
She could still feel the phantom pain of teeth chomping down. But she had made it out— injured, but alive.
__
As Ellie started to see familiar grounds she knew she was close. That tall gate came into view and she walked slowly as to not alarm the people on the high spots.
As soon as they noticed her the guns were raised.
Ellie raised her hands to show she wasn’t a raider or anything. She could the way they were trying to see if anyone was hiding around, waiting for the right time to ambush.
Once they deemed it safe they called out to her and asked who she was and what she was doing here.
“I live here— or used too. My name’s Ellie Williams."
“Wait Ellie? Your— Open the gate! Someone go grab Maria or Tommy.” One of the men shouted
The tall gate started to part and Ellie made her way past. She remembered all the times she had gone through here. For patrol, when she left for Seattle, when she first came here with Joel. The memory didn’t sting like she thought it would. She wouldn’t say Santa Barbara healed her, quite the opposite actually. But she had broken the cycle of revenge. It felt horrible seeing Abby fade into the fog when she had her under her hands— about to finally kill the girl that murdered Joel and she had let her get away.
But Ellie had let it go.
‘Go. Just take him’ She had sobbed in the moment realising she couldn’t do it. It didn’t make her feel better as she felt the life slipping away from Abby, the way her arms grew weaker as she tried pushing Ellie off of her, the way the bubbles of breath underneath the water decreased and the way it was stained red with both Abby's and her own blood.
Ellie couldn’t describe how she felt. She didn’t think she could now, not ever. But that was okay she thought.
As she was finally in the place she used to call home, all those weeks of travelling caught up to her. She slouched and the aching pain in her feet was more noticeable than ever.
Some people stared at her as she walked past, some didn’t, she couldn’t care less. All that was on her mind was how she was going to see her people again, her family.
One set of footsteps and a wooden stick sounded in front of her. She lifted her head and there stood Tommy.
“Ellie… oh gosh I- what in the,” Tommy had a look of disbelief on his face, he also looked guilty. He clearly hadn't expected to see her ever again .
Perhaps he had thought she died out there. Killed by infected or Abby. She stared into the milky white of his bad eye and with a shaky sigh she stepped forward.
Tommy’s arms immediately wrapped around Ellie. Her arms snaked around him and she clutched at his back, her head rested on his chest. Thay was probably the longest time they had ever hugged.
Ellie pulled away first.
It was awkward. They kind of just stared at each other for a minute before Tommy pulled at her shoulder, “C’mon let’s go see Maria,” The two of them walked— or, limped, all the way down to his house. Or was it just Maria’s house right now. Last time Tommy and Ellie had spoken he had told her that him And Maria were taking a break. Maybe in the time she’d been gone they had patched things up.
Tommy pushed the door open and called out to Maria, “Come down it’s important!”
Quick footsteps took over the silence, it was still awkward. Maria came into view and as soon as soon as she saw Ellie she paused. She hadn’t seen Maria even longer than she hadn’t seen Tommy.
Now Ellie never knew her family but Tommy and Maria were the closest thing she ever had to an uncle and aunt. Maria wasted no time almost barrelling into Ellie with how tight she hugged her.
“Oh Ellie..” No other words needed to be said. Ellie nuzzled her head into Maria’s shoulder. Atleast it seemed like someone had hope she would come back in one piece, Ellie thought back to her fingers— or lack off. Nevermind. Pun not intended.
“When Tommy told me what he said to you I was so angry. I had hoped you wouldn’t go but when Dina showed up to Jackson with just the baby and no sign of you I was so scared and-“ Maria had to stop herself. She had taken a deep breath. “We’re glad to have you back.
Maria stepped back and gave Ellie a once over doing a double take when she saw her hand. “Ellie what happened to your hand?”
Ellie looked at Tommy, a silent communication, his eyebrows raised and he looked even more guilty than before. Maria seemed to notice.
“I’ll give you two some alone time. You hungry Ellie?” Maria asked.
“Starving,” The deja vu hit Ellie hard from when they first met.
Maria walked into the kitchen leaving just Tommy and Ellie. The nervousness had taken over the room again.
“Well-“ “Ellie I-“. They had spoken at the same time.
“Ellie..” Tommy tried again, “I’m sorry. I really am it was stupid of me to come over to your own damn house and demand you go after her. You didn’t owe me a goddamn thing. I don’t know many times it will take for you to forgive me but i’ll never stop trying.
Well shit that was a lot. Ellie didn’t know what to say in response to the apology so she just- “Shes alive.”
Tommy’s head whipped around, but he lowered it not even two seconds later.
“I couldn’t do it. I let her go.”
Ellie took a deep breath and leaned forward.
“Can you say something.” She whispered.
"Did she do that?" He gestured to her fingers.
Ellie nodded.
Tommy didn’t have any words either so he just wrapped his arm around Ellie and pulled her in for another hug.
"I'm sorry too." Ellies said, her voice barely louder than a whisper.
"Nono you got nothin' to be sorry for." Tommy said
Maria walked out from the kitchen with two plates in hand.
“Here,” She placed some cutlery on them both too.
Ellie wasted no time into digging in. Finally some real food other than canned peaches. They took ages to open and they also gave a pretty nasty reminder about Sam and Henry.
Whilst they ate they caught up with each other. Ellie subtly asked about how he and Maria were doing. Tommy patted her back with a smile and a nod. Well that’s one good thing.
—
Ellie walked out of the house. Maria asked her to stay a little while longer but she needed to do something.
She walked past all the looming houses, past the market stands and her own old house but she passed that too.
Ellie ended up passing Joels house on the way. She vaguely remembered all the times they had walked through that door together and when she walked through it with Dina before leaving for Seattle. But the lights were no longer on. The inside of the house was almost like a time machine, completely untouched for years, Ellie could imagine the dust.
She didn’t enter, just stared. Just closed her eyes and thought of all the sweet memories. It didn’t hurt as bad as it used to, she thought. There were still some flowers and still some notes circling around the building. Maybe it would do her some good to write her own note. She should visit his and Jesse's graves soon.
Ellie started walking again, she was on a mission to find someone. She ended up in front of a house one that was still occupied, the lights were on. She thought of turning back for a second, thought of cowering away and never showing her face in Jackson ever again.
But she didn’t. She stepped forward, leaves crunching under her converse and knocked on the door.
“I’m coming! One second,” A muffled voice from inside the house shouted.
Ellie twiddled with her fingers nervously.
The door swung open to reveal a woman with dark curls, a strong nose, dark chocolate brown eyes and a baby on her hip, Dina.
Dina looked at the woman before her. Short auburn hair, a nervous expression on her face and she was twiddling with her fingers, eight fingers only, two were gone leaving stumps.
The woman that left her and her baby in the middle of nowhere with no protection. She was mad but she was glad to see Ellie alive and well.
Her eyebrows furrowed, “Ellie..”
Man it seemed like nobody had any words. Just expressions of shock. She seemed stunned for just a second bedore she opened the door and shifted to the side so Ellie could walk in. She had been inside this very home many times, it used to be a lot neater but now there was baby toys strung along the floor.
Speaking of the baby, JJ was 13 months old when she had left, now he was about 19 months old. How could a baby grow so much in just 6 months.
His hair was longer it matched Dina’s dark waves., he looked bigger than ever. His face looked so much like Jesse. He had a big smile on his face showing off his two front teeth, unaware of the tension circling the air. “Mamamamama!” He babbled and waved his arms in the air.
Dina softly stroked the back of his head.
"How has he been?" Ellie enquired.
"Good." Straight to the point.
Ellie stared at Dina with a rough look on her face. "Well… how have you been?" She made sure to emphasise on the word you.
"Are you really asking me that right now? Actually don't even answer that." Dina snapped.
Ellie tried to grab Dina's forearm but she ripped away before all 3 fingers could wrap around her wrist.
"Look. I know I fucked up-" Ellie started but Dina cut her off before she could continue,
"Fucked up? Fucked up is an understatement are you kidding me!" She shouted.
Ellie looked down and with her lips in a tight line she nodded. She would rather Dina shout at her than not talk to her at all.
JJ had started to whine at the noise.
"Stay here i'm putting him down to sleep he needs to anyway. Go sit down on the couch we can talk when I come back down." Dina started to walk up the stairs leaving Ellie in the living room alone.
She sat down on the couch and looked around. The room looked different, new carpet she realised, and new cushions.
On the opposite side of the room there was a wooden drawer. On the top of it was a plant, a notepad and a picture frame, specifically the group picture of Ellie, Jesse and Dina. She must've taken it when she left the farm.
Ellie could hear movement from above her. She didn't know how she would get herself out of this mess. She wouldn't know what she would do if Dina never talked to her again. Is this how Joel felt?
Footsteps coming down the stairs pulled Ellie out of her train of thought.
Dina sat down next to Ellie before she asked, "Was it worth it, was it everything you hoped for."
"No.." Ellie whispered back, "I let her go."
That just made Dina out a laugh of disbelief. "Wow… I don't even know what to say to that,"
"Yeah.." Ellie responded. "You don't have to forgive me I'm not asking you to just— Please, let me try again," Ellie begged. This really must've been how Joel felt when Ellie wouldn't speak to him.
Ellie remembered coming back from the hospital after killing— torturing Nora, 'I don't want to lose you…' She had whispered. 'Good.’ Dina had whispered back. She remembered how they had fallen asleep with their arms wrapped around each other. The cuts on her back had healed as raised bumps and discoloured skin. The bruises went through stages of dark purples and ugly yellows.
She grabbed Dina's hand again only this time she did not pull away.
If JJ wasn't sleeping upstairs Ellie was sure Dina would have gone full out on her.
"I understand that it was consuming you and that staying would have made it worse but, why didn't you talk to me? Why did you try packing up and sneaking away in the middle of the night did you not trust me or something?" Dina asked
Truthfully Ellie wasn't sure herself, maybe it was guilt, or maybe she just didn't want to deal with the consequences if she told Dina she was going. Not that she might go- but that she would, it wasn't yes no or maybe.
Ellie sighed and twiddled with her fingers as she tried to come up with a way to explain without sounding like an jackass, but maybe she was.
"I don't know. I think it was fear?" She wasn't entirely sure herself. "All I know is that it really hurt, walking away from the farm, I mean. I almost turned back a couple of times. I guess I just didn't want to see the look on your face if I told you I was leaving." Ellie said.
Dina nodded. It wasn't an excuse. It was a crappy apology but there wasn't really much of an explanation. Ellie left her girlfriend and her baby in the middle of the night, there was nothing more to it.
Ellie and Dina looked at each other. It had been so long since they last locked eyes. Ellie looked down at Dina's lips. She remembered how she felt when they first kissed. Her lips were soft, a drastic difference compared to her own chapped lips, she often had problems with biting them. The warm yellow lights all over the place, the soft melody playing. There was so many people in that room but Ellie felt as if it was just her and Dina, nobody else mattered. She had felt butterflies in her stomach just by holding Dina, feeling the warmth of her body over her clothes. It was overwhelming, and now she wanted to do it again.
Dina noticed the way Ellie was looking at her.
"Ellie…" She whispered.
"Can I kiss you?" Ellie asked softly. She looked timid, afraid of rejection. Ellie was very insecure now. She remembered going back to the farm and how she struggled looking at herself in the mirror.
"Yes…." Dina said.
Ellie leaned forward until her lips were an inch away from Dina's. They stared at eachother for a second before Dina grabbed the back of Ellie's head and smashed her lips into hers. Ellie's head titled and she grabbed Dina's waist to pull her into her own body as much as she could, almost like she was trying to get under her skin.
Ellie bit Dina's lip, it made her gasp giving Ellie and opening. Ellie slipped her tongue into Dina's mouth. They made out like that for another minute before pulling away. Dina pushed Ellie to lay down so she could rest her head on her chest.
"Don't leave me again…" Dina whispered.
"I won't."
They fell asleep like that.
—
A sharp knock on the door woke both girls up. Ellie pushed her face into the cushion and groaned. "I'll get it." Dina said. She stood up and walked to the door.
When Dina opened it Ellie heard a woman's voice. She couldn't hear all of what was being said but caught some of it. "I heard Ellie is back. Is it true? I figured she'd be here." The woman said.
"Yeah come on in." Dina said.
That was Ellie's cue to get up. She sat up and stretched her back. Two sets of footsteps caught her attention.
It was Robin, Jesse's mom and the grandmother of JJ.
"Robin." Ellie smiled.
Robin walked forward and smiled herself. Crows feet pulled at her eyes and gray strands streaked through her jet black hair.
Ellie stood up to meet her near the door.
"Ellie, oh my dear how are you how have you been?" Robin spoke. She had always been quite motherly, treating Ellie and Dina like they were her own, and it was basically official after JJ was born.
"It's been… rough but what about you are you doing okay?" Ellie asked back.
Robin just shook her head, "Don't worry about me. It was really worrying when Dina came back without you." She grabbed hold of both Ellie's hands, her eyebrows raised at the sight of the two stumps. Ellie would assume most people would find them gross, ugly and avoid them at all cost, but Robin just rubbed at them and looked Ellie in the eyes, "Come over for breakfast?" She smiled.
Ellie looked at Dina with a questioning look. Dina nodded, "I'll go grab the little man."
Dina strode up the stairs once again but this time with the intention of bringing JJ down here.
Ellie finally felt like she was home. Her, Dina, Jesse and his mom often all ate together. Ellie remembered sometimes feeling like a bit of a thirdwheel between Dina, Jesse and her own friendship as the only other two people in the group were together , but they tried to include her as much as they could, when they broke up and got back together again for the fifth time in just two months she just assumed they would get back together again. And then Dina kissed her, it was the end of Dina and Jesse, even after she found out she was pregnant with his kid. She'd be lying if she said she didn't feel a bit smug at that moment in the town hall, knowing every guy in that room was staring at Dina yet she was in her very own arms.
But now she felt like she was the most pathetic person in Jackson. She once felt like the luckiest girl in the world, now she felt like a shell of the woman she was before.
The rage of losing Joel had completely taken over her life, leaving only a mark of her old self, a drag path, only an imprint of who she was before Joel's death. Someone who loved stupid jokes and hanging out with her best friend. Two girls who would spray eachother with those water guns, leaving eachother soaked, laughter echoing around the room, sneaking out with eachother. Someone who went to a dinosaur museum on her birthday and fuckin'loved it. Somebody who got given flower crowns by her crush. Somebody who was not who she was right now. Maybe that Ellie had died and maybe the current Ellie had somehow crawled into this body, fake, a mimic. With stolen memories pretending like they were her own.
When Abby left in the boat, Ellie almost convinced herself to lay down and finally… just rest, let the waves cover and body and wash her out to sea, an eternal sleep. Sometimes she still felt like that, but it's not so bad now.
Robin took hold Ellie's hand once more with a concerned look on her face, "Ellie… why are you crying?" She asked.
"Huh…?" Ellie said. She reached up to her face only to realise her hands had gotten wet. Why was she crying? She hadn't even noticed.
Ellie must've looked really disheartened because the older woman's arms wrapped around her not even a second later.
Ellie wouldn't admit it but she loved Robin's hugs. Never meeting your own mother must really have an impact she thought. They always made her feel better when she was feeling down, just like now.
"It's okay to cry," Robin whispered whilst she stroked at Ellie's hair.
"No no it's okay i'm fine." Ellie said. The more she grew older the more closed off she became.
Soft gurgles of a baby caught their attention, little JJ in Dina's arms.
"Everything okay?" Dina asked wondering what she just walked into.
"It's nothing." Ellie pulled away and properly wiped the tear stains.
Robin patted her shoulder, "Come on girls. I have some pancake mix Tony traded for."
__
Dina suggested going for a walk. The soft evening breeze stroked at their cheeks. It was nice, Ellie thought. She held JJ in her arms. The little spud was a lot heavier than he had been all those months ago. He clutched onto Ellie's arm and smiled at her with those two front teeth again. She had missed her little potato. It wasn't cold enough to the point he had to wear a coat. Just some little brown pants and a dinosaur t-shirt. A Triceratops.
'You would not wanna be on the business end of those horns.' Joel had said at the museum.
Ellie let out a chuckle at the memory.
"What's so funny?" Dina asked with a smile.
"Just remembered something." Ellie lifted JJ onto her hip more.
The baby started to wriggle and reach out his hand, but not at Dina. He started to whine and let out little cry.
"What's wrong buddy? What is it?" Ellie asked.
She looked up to see who he was reaching for. Oh, Maria and Tommy. She hadn't seen them since those two days ago when she first got back.
"Hey girls." Maria greeted.
"Hey Ellie. And uhm Dina." Tommy said.
"Hey, Tommy." Ellie said.
Dina just gave a barely noticeable nod and looked away.
Huh. It looked pretty awkward between them, they avoided each others eyes. She made a mental note to ask Dina about it later.
Maria walked forward to pinch JJ's cheeks softly. He giggled and reached out for her. Maria looked at Ellie with and raised her eyebrow in question, she nodded. Maria lifted JJ out of Ellie's arms and into her own.
"Hello little man." Maria smiled. JJ seemed to really like Maria. It kind of hurt Ellie a bit knowing she hadn't been there to know who JJ likes or what things he likes. But I guess that should her own fault.
"Ellie can you stay here with JJ I forgot something at the house." Dina asked.
Ellie looked at Dina with a questioning face, "Huh? Oh sure okay."
The moment the word 'okay' came out of Ellie's mouth Dina had already started walking. Now that was suspicious.
Tommy scratched at his beard uncomfortably. Leaning on his wooden crutch.
"What the fuck was that all about?" Ellie asked knowing Tommy would know the answer.
Tommy looked at Maria with a tense expression.
"Well don't look at me." Maria said with both eyebrows raises. "You can get yourself outta this mess."
Now that made Ellie want to know even more.
"Well she's still mad at me. I mean— I still haven't.." Tommy took a deep breath, "Apologised… yet."
Ellie looked at him with an angry expression. "Really? Seriously Tommy she's been back for months now and you're telling me you haven't even said sorry?!" She was furious.
Tommy lowered his head.
"Here's what's gonna happen. We are going to go to Dina and you are going to apologise." Ellie said sternly, like she was telling a child off.
Maria nodded with a smirk, she clearly found this amusing. She bounced JJ in her arms making him giggle once more. "Come on then Tommy."
With a sigh Tommy started walking forward. He didn't try denying anything, he knew he was 101% in the wrong.
__
Ellie walked up to the door and swung it open, "Dina! Can you come down here for a second?"
Dina came down the steps with her eyebrows furrowed, "What are you doing back?" Dina asked. She saw Maria and Tommy standing behind Ellie, "I'm not feeling too well I was just gonna stay here." She said.
Ellie stepped to the side to let Tommy walk infront of her. "It's okay you don't have to lie. Tommy has something he needs to say to you." Ellie crossed her arms and stood next to Maria.
Tommy sighed, "Dina" He paused and looked back at Ellie, she waved her hand at him in a motion that told him continued, there was no getting out of this.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have avoided you, I should've manned up instead of acting like a child. I'm sorry for everything I did back at the farm, barging into your life like that, you had a baby with you and I made Ellie leave you both. I truly am sorry and it shouldn't have taken Ellie calling me out on my shit for me to realise it." He finally looked Dina in the eyes.
She had her arms crossed over her chest whilst she leaned on her hip. It made Dina realise that whilst Ellie lost a father figure, Tommy lost his big brother, he was just trying to get revenge on Abby for taking that away from him. He couldn't go himself.
She stepped forward meeting Tommy in the middle of the room. "I forgive you." It was hard for her to say it after everything he had done but she couldn't hold this grudge forever, "You did what you did at the farm for a reason. But I'm not ready to forgive you for not apologising when you had the chance.
Tommy nodded his head, "Yep yep that's understandable." His accent thick on this tongue. "But thank you for giving me a chance."
Maria called Ellie's name to hand JJ back. "I think that's are cue to leave you two alone. Had a nice time chatting with you though. “Bye bye little JJ." She cooed.
"Yeah." Ellie said. "Bye guys." She watched Tommy and Maria walk out the door before turning the Dina.
"You okay?" Ellie asked.
"Yeah, I really thought he would never apologise and just spend the rest of his days avoiding me. It started to annoy me so much I decided to only speak to him if necessary." She said.
It made sense, Ellie thought. It was getting late so Dina put JJ to bed he wasn't so happy about it.
__
Ellie walked up the stairs and went into the newly shared bedroom. After living with Dina and JJ at the farm she never wanted to be alone again. She had the option to move back into her old housw but decided against it, she would much rather be with the people she loved.
Dina stepped into the room, her hair taken out of the ponytail it had been in for the whole day.
"Hey babe." She said to Ellie.
Ellie strode over to Dina and cupped her cheek. She was so, so happy to be back.
"I love you Dina."
Dina smiled. "I love you too.”