Work Text:
The aches in his body are beginning to fade with every morning. He knows it will get better, but there are days where it would be easier to wake up still feeling the effects of the previous night’s misadventures. He turns his head and looks at the sunlight casting rays past the leaves of his houseplants hung on the curtain hanger.
He hates to admit it, but the greenery does help. Namjoon was right, but if he ever hears him say that, it will go to his head. He forces himself out of bed to approach the pots, unscrewing the water bottle on his bedside table to pour the remaining water into the soil. It’s such a mundane task, but having something that requires his care does keep him sane.
Speaking of, a cry comes from his feet and he feels fur brush against his legs. Tang’s wide eyes stare up at him, making a smile form on his face. He’s convinced that he knows the effect he has on him, but he can’t complain if he’s using this knowledge to make his day better. Carrying out the demands of the black void living with him, he leaves the bedroom to go into the kitchen. His cries become screams when Yoongi opens the fridge and pulls out a short tin can. The snap of it opening leads him to pace back and forth on the kitchen floor. Yoongi sets the metal bowl onto the ground. Tang will be distracted long enough to let him go through the rest of his morning routine.
When he’s done, he takes care of his own breakfast. He cracks two eggs open and lets them sizzle in the pan. He prepares a cup of coffee while he waits. It’ll take a while to get used to the quiet mornings. He misses the calls he’d get first thing in the morning requesting his presence on another bender, it made his mornings feel more worthwhile, made him feel more wanted.
He looks out the window next to him as he eats. It isn’t much of a view, but there’s something so simple about watching a family walk their dog or seeing someone deliver a package at the house across the street. He’s just now learning to enjoy the little things, how the world has continued to turn when he felt his life was over.
His phone screen turns on with a message coming through. Yoongi unlocks his phone and reads what Namjoon just sent him.
Namjoon: My friend, Hoseok, is having an album release party tonight. He says I can bring a plus one. Would you like to come with me?
Namjoon: I think you’d like him. He’ll probably like you too, though it’s easy to befriend someone like him.
Yoongi sets his phone flat on the small table in the kitchen he sits at, he continues looking out the window, hoping to find his answer somewhere outside. He looks down from the window to pick at some loose skin around his nails. He has to look away quickly, before the damage makes him nauseous. He really thought he got rid of the habit, just for it to come back when trying to remain sober.
He met Hoseok when he was barely beginning recovery. They hit it off immediately, they got along well, and that terrified him. He was scared that when they got to really know each other, when Hoseok finally saw deep into his soul, he wouldn’t like what he saw. Yoongi didn’t know who he was when he wasn’t using yet, but he was certain it couldn’t be lovable, otherwise he wouldn’t need to drink enough to become somebody else.
The last time they saw each other was fourteen years ago. Yoongi had a relapse, ruined their relationship, blocked his number, and went out of his way to make sure they’d never cross paths again. If he had known that Namjoon was good friends with him, he wouldn’t have gotten close to him either. Namjoon doesn’t know they’ve already met.
The problem is, he really does want to see him again. He wants him to see who he really is. Two years of sobriety is something he should be proud of, he should share that accomplishment with someone else who knew him at his worst. He probably wouldn’t even recognize him. He doesn’t go by that name anymore, he doesn’t look like he did the last time they saw each other. He doesn’t have the same body he did ten years ago.
Namjoon’s right. As always. Yoongi thinks. He is easy to befriend.
Yoongi: There isn’t a real strict dress code or anything like that?
Namjoon: Oh, no, but I do think you should dress a little nice. Y’know, to make a good impression. Maybe you’ll meet someone who can help you get back into releasing music again.
Yoongi sighs. He doesn’t know if he can get into music again. He’s tried writing before, but everything in his life has been going so well, he doesn’t have any pain to write about anymore. Who would want to listen to music about finding your identity and losing your friends because you got your shit together and they didn’t? Especially after he spent his entire musical journey writing about his life falling apart and getting fucked up with people who only liked him when he was someone else.
He tells Namjoon he’ll join him for the party. He spends basically the entire day trying to plan it out perfectly. He doesn’t want to overdress, but he wants to look well put-together. He needs to convince Hoseok he got his life in order, that he’s better now. He picks out a leather jacket with some rhinestones glued on, he made the jacket himself, perhaps it’ll help Hoseok remember him. He also decides to put on a t-shirt for the band he was touring with when they met. Even if Hoseok doesn’t remember him, he’ll at least remember the shirt and that’ll probably trigger some kind of conversation between them.
An hour before Namjoon stops by to pick him up, he puts the outfit on and decides to put on some makeup. Maybe Namjoon will laugh at him for doing too much, but he wants the night to go well. He has something to prove tonight. It’s simple, some lip gloss, light blush and black eyeshadow. He pushes his neck-length hair behind his ears to get a better look at his full face.
There’s a knock at the door and Yoongi takes a few more deep breaths before opening it. Namjoon stands on the other side, he’s wearing a leather jacket as well. He’s dressed head-to-toe in black, the only lightness coming from his frosted tips on his short hair.
“Woah,” he says, eyeing Yoongi up and down, “I really talked Hoseok up, huh? Dressed to impress?” he chuckles, moving out of the way to let Yoongi leave his house and follow him to the car. Yoongi responds by rolling his eyes and groaning, but he doesn’t share that he is, once again, right.
He still isn’t used to riding in the passenger seat while Namjoon drives. He still grips onto the steering wheel like his life is on the line, it doesn’t give him a whole lot of confidence. But he was insistent on getting his driver’s license after Yoongi lost his, so that he could drive him around.
They park in front of a dark house, the outside painted black, the doors painted black, the large place has its own elevator. Yoongi gawks at the size of it. How well has Hoseok been doing since they last spoke? He doesn’t have too long to ponder about that before Namjoon drags him out of the car and to the front door.
It’s so unlike Hoseok, it’s so dark inside. There are some neon lights, but they appear to be cheaply placed in the corners, not actually installed into the walls, like they would be at an actual club. He starts feeling as though he’s underdressed, because a lot of the other partygoers are dressed more like a more mature prom night. There’s some class in their outfits, but it’s still more aligned with adult parties. The glasses of wine, whiskey and other alcoholic drinks make Yoongi feel sick to his stomach. He’s surprised at how his body reacts to the smell now.
“Hobi!” Namjoon’s shout breaks him out of his slight stupor. He waves down the host of the party, who is sitting at a couch with someone else who Yoongi doesn’t recognize.
Hoseok beams his contagious, heart-shaped smile and waves his own hand for the duo to approach him. His smile drops when they get closer and he eyes Yoongi. He stands in place. No. Oh no. No. Please, don’t make a scene. No. Oh, god. This was a horrible idea. No.
Yoongi’s thoughts spiral before Hoseok says, “Wow,” he turns his face back to Namjoon, “you failed to mention how pretty your friend is.” the smile grows back on his place.
Yoongi’s face heats up. His nose scrunches and he scratches at the bottom of his nose. He turns his whole head away to look at the ground.
Namjoon simply laughs and slaps Yoongi on the back, forcing him to walk closer to the couch with him. “Hobi,” he pushes Yoongi to be ahead of him, “this is my Yoongi-hyung.”
“Yours as in your hyung? Or yours as is…?” the younger man next to him teases.
“No, as in hyung.” Yoongi answers for him. Namjoon nods to confirm.
Hoseok’s gaze drops again, “Nice shirt.” he points, “I worked their merch table back in the day.”
Yoongi bites on his lip to hold back a smile. “Yeah, I know,” he whispers. It’s not loud enough for Hoseok to hear over the music, but Namjoon definitely heard it with him straightening his back and perking his eyebrows up.
“They’re actually here tonight.” Hoseok keeps a smile on his face.
Yoongi’s face might as well be turning blue, because he feels like his lungs are blocked. “What…?” he stutters out.
Hoseok nods, “Yeah,” he stands up, “JIN-HYUNG! KOOK-AH! JIMINIE!” he screams over the music, making everyone turn their head to the host, “GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE!”
Yoongi’s panic builds up in his brain once again. This is more than he wanted. This is too much. There’s too many people here. He can’t have a public freak out. He can’t have a public freak out in front of them again.
Three figures quickly rush over.
“What’s the problem?” Seokjin asks, slowly as he tries to catch his breath.
Hoseok approaches Yoongi and turns his body for him, pointing at his shirt. A white t-shirt with a black cassette tape, Kim Seokjin & the Fishermen printed in spotty font underneath, half because it was designed that way and half because the shirt has clearly been worn-out over the years.
“Woah, no way!” Jungkook chuckles, stepping closer, “did you know we were gonna be here or something?” He glances at Namjoon for an answer, perhaps expecting him to share that he informed his friend about other potential partygoers.
“No… I had no idea you’d be here…” Yoongi answers. He should’ve known they’d be here, Hoseok was still on good terms with them when he wasn’t. He had no reason to believe that changed.
Seokjin is squinting at him. “You look really familiar,” he says. Shit.
Yoongi stutters as he tries to come up with a lie, “Well, I, uh, I’ve been to many of your shows… maybe, maybe you’ve… seen me in the crowd? I--” he breathes, “Sorry, I… really didn’t expect so many people here…” he looks around the crowded room. The dark silhouettes of the other people Yoongi has never met before surround them in the dark house. “I don’t even know why I came here, I’m not a party person.” he chuckles, sad, but trying to hide how pained he’s feeling.
“You didn’t have to come, hyung.” Namjoon says, “I would’ve understood if you wanted to stay home. I mean, it’s a huge party with people you’ve never met, and it’s probably hard for you to be around somewhere with a lot of alcohol.” he takes his hand, “I’ll be by your side the entire time to make sure you don’t relapse, I promise.”
“Shit, hyung.” the one unfamiliar face says, “You brought an alcoholic’s anonymous to a party? That’s, like, an extreme level of irresponsible.”
“Yeah, thanks Joon-ah, I really needed everyone here to know I’m your charity case.” Yoongi says, voice stained with hurt and a little bit of malice. He removes Namjoon’s hand from his own and wacks it away.
“Hold up,” Hoseok raises his hand, “Tae-yah and I aren’t drinking tonight either. You can stay by our side, we’ll keep you clean.” he says.
The new face, Tae, raises his hand, “Designated driver for blonde twink.” He points to the bassist with his long, blonde hair half-up and half-down. He responds by turning his head away. “Also not a fan of alcohol.”
“Of course you’re friends,” Yoongi says, “Hoba has never liked drinking either. Or drunk people. Surprised you’re letting so many into your house.”
Hoseok’s eyes widen. It seems like so many thoughts go through his head before he whispers, “This, uh… this isn’t my house.”
“It’s mine.” Jungkook says.
“Right, yeah… that makes more sense.” Yoongi says.
Seokjin’s plastic cup falls to the floor, “Soyoon?”
Yoongi’s ears start ringing. The tightness in his chest returns, stopping him from breathing once again. He looks around the room, but all he can see are the faces of his old friends staring back at him. Fear. Disgust. Disappointment. Shock. This was a bad idea. This was a very bad idea.
“It’s Yoongi.” Namjoon cuts in, his voice deep and commanding. He steps between him and the other five. “And, I-I’m sorry, you, uh, you know him…?”
“She-- uh,” Seokjin stops.
“Yoongi-hyung,” Hoseok steps forward, “do you wanna go outside? I can show you to the balcony. Might be nice to get some fresh air.”
Yoongi’s glossy vision looks up from the floor to see Hoseok’s face. Genuine concern is read. His body is already half-way turned to where Yoongi can see the blurry outline of a sliding door. He sniffles, but nods and follows Hoseok. He hugs his own body closely, wrapping the jacket further around him, hoping it could somehow engulf him completely and he’ll disappear underneath.
Once outside, Hoseok continues to lead him down a fire escape and down to the ground level, where no one else stands around. It’s just the two of them.
“So…” Hoseok starts a conversation, “how long have you been sober?”
Yoongi leans against the wall, exhausted, both mentally and physically, with how his body went into fight or fight mode. “Two years…” he answers.
“Good. That’s good.” Hoseok responds, “You look better.”
“Thanks…” is all Yoongi can think to say.
“That’s the shirt I gave you when Jimin accidentally spilled his drink on you before that one show in Busan.” he recounts. Yoongi nods. “Were you hoping I’d recognize you from that alone?”
“That makes me sound deranged.” Yoongi says, “But… yeah, I was hoping it could at least somewhat jog your memory… I didn’t know you and Namjoon were friends until tonight.”
“And I didn’t know you and Namjoon were friends until tonight.” Hoseok says, “Well, I’ve heard of this Yoongi-hyung before, but I didn’t know he was you.” he adds on. He looks up at the night sky, the stars severely faded from the lights of the city around them, “Give Jin-hyung some time, this is probably just a shock to his system, in more ways than one.”
Yoongi slides down the wall and sits onto the ground. Hoseok squats down to join him, before sitting down completely and leaning his back against the wall behind them.
“Still feels shitty…” Yoongi says, “To hear that name for the first time in years, and for it to come from someone who made it very clear how much he despised me before my whole life fell apart.”
Hoseok looks down, “It all makes more sense now, to me at least.” he says, “You must’ve been going through so much, and you had no one to help you.”
“No, I did, I just didn’t let them help me.” Yoongi counters.
“How long have you known?” he asks.
Yoongi let out a surprised sound, he wasn’t expecting such a direct question about it, “I guess… I’ve known my whole life.” he answers, “I knew there was something… wrong with me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“I know.” Yoongi says, he didn’t mean for it to come out so aggressively, so he makes a conscious effort to sound softer, “I just mean that I’ve always felt like there was something I was missing. This sense of belonging that everyone else felt and I didn’t.”
“So, you didn’t have anyone who could help you.” Hoseok says. Yoongi looks up at him with a confused stare, “You would’ve had to trust us enough to let us see the real you. I’d imagine that wouldn’t have been easy.” he reaches a hand out, palm up and open, “I would’ve been there for you, you know?”
Carefully, Yoongi reaches his own hand out and Hoseok connects them, wrapping his hand around Yoongi’s. That’s his last straw. His vision blurs again as he lets out a violent cry. Hoseok’s immediate response is to move closer and pull Yoongi’s body into his own, wrapping his arms tightly around him.
“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.” Yoongi tries to speak through his loud gasps, “You deserved so much better. All of you deserved better.”
“Hyung--”
“No,” Yoongi cuts him off, “don’t deny it. I was horrible to you, to them, to everyone. I shouldn’t have blamed you for my relapse. It wasn’t your fault. You were trying to keep me from hurting myself.” He separates himself from Hoseok’s hold, “Of course you didn’t have a savior complex, you didn’t think you were better than me.”
“Honestly, those aren’t the words that haunt me every night.” Hoseok says, “It isn’t really even your words from that night that hurt, more the context around them.”
Yoongi looks at the concrete, “I was such a mess.”
“You showed up at my door, piss-drunk, and I’m certain that wasn’t the only thing impairing you--”
“It was molly.” Yoongi confesses, “A shit ton of molly. And a bit of coke. I’m surprised I even survived.”
Hoseok’s wide eyes stare back at him when Yoongi has the courage to look up from the concrete surrounding the house. He quickly looks back down.
“Wow… no wonder you were so…” he trails off.
“Psychotic.” Yoongi finishes his sentence for him.
“I was going to say ‘frightening.’” Hoseok says, “Not just because you were screaming at me and demanding that I should just ‘take what I really want from you,’ but because I was scared that you were going to just… die. Right there. In front of me.” His voice shakes slightly, “I tried to call you, but it would go straight to voicemail, I tried asking around, trying to find anyone who knew you, but everyone I spoke to said you ghosted them completely. I had no way of knowing if you were alive for the past 14 years. I spent the past 14 years tearing myself apart because I thought ‘I could’ve done something.’ I should’ve stopped you from leaving, I should’ve called for help, I shouldn’t have let you walk away from me.”
“That’s not fair on you.” Yoongi says.
“You told me you loved me.” Hoseok’s lips quiver.
Yoongi shrinks further into himself, “I don’t know how to love, Hoba.” he says, “I’m damaged.”
Hoseok opens his mouth to say something, most likely an argument, but he’s cut off when the sound of thick boots come down the metal staircase. Yoongi turns to see Jungkook approaching them.
Without saying a word, Jungkook simply sits down with them. Soon after, a lighter pair of footsteps join them as Jimin makes them form a square.
“How’d you decide on Yoongi?” Jimin breaks the silence.
He shrugs in response, “I wanted something that had a similar meaning, I guess. Y’know, ‘luminous’ and ‘soft.’ I didn’t want it to be too different.”
“It suits you.” Jungkook says. “You certainly know how to make a dramatic entrance back into our lives…” he laughs, it’s quiet, like he’s unsure if he’s allowed to joke about it.
“I was telling the truth when I said I didn’t think the three of you would be here.” Yoongi says.
“But you did want to see me?” Hoseok asks.
“I guess I felt like I had something to prove.” Yoongi says, “Like, I had to make you see how put-together I am now. I don’t know, I guess maybe I thought you’d be proud of me.”
“I am proud of you.” Hoseok confirms.
“For the record, even though you didn’t ask, so am I.” Jungkook says, “You should be proud of me too, I quit smoking. It’s only been a few months so far, but, hey, progress is progress.”
“Yeah, I’m proud of you too.” Yoongi says, an actual smile growing on his face.
Jimin’s phone lights up from his pocket and he checks it. “Oh…” he says, “Taehyung says he’s gotta get home, that means I must be going.” he stands up, “It was great to see you again, hyung. Please, don’t disappear on us again.”
“I promise.” Yoongi says.
Hoseok leans into Yoongi’s personal space, but doesn’t get too close, “I’m not really feeling like partying anymore anyway. I think we should call it a night.”
“I’m sorry for ruining your night.” Yoongi says.
“You didn’t ruin anything,” Hoseok says, “I was actually wondering if we could continue hanging out, just the two of us?”
Yoongi hums in surprise, “O-oh? Where?” his voice gets quieter.
“Maybe your place, or mine?” Hoseok asks, his face is in a frown, but Yoongi knows that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s expressing disdain about something. He’s scared.
Jungkook chuckles and stands up, “I knew it.” he says, “There was definitely something going on between the two of you while we were touring all those years ago.”
“Kook.” Hoseok glares at the youngest among them. He hasn’t changed a bit. He was only 15 when they first started playing together, and he’s still the same troublemaking kid he was last time they spoke. Hoseok is still giving him scolding looks.
“Right, right, okay.” Jungkook puts his hands up in surrender before turning on his heel, “Jiminie owes me ₩22,000.” he snickers before quickly running up the fire escape so that Hoseok can’t shout at him for the comment.
“They made bets on us?” Yoongi says, as if Hoseok would know the answer, he’s probably just as in the dark on it as he is.
“Apparently,” Hoseok responds, “I… I can drive you back to your place, or we can stay at mine?” Hoseok leans closer again, “I’m being serious. I want to get to know you again, the real you this time.”
Yoongi shakingly lets his hand intertwine with Hoseok’s and stands up with him. “I’ll have to tell Joon-ah you’re taking me home.” he says, “I lost my license, it was the final straw for Namjoon to force me into rehab. He drove me here.” He sees the worry in Hoseok’s face, “I didn’t crash a car, I didn’t kill anyone. I fell off a motorbike. It was actually more embarrassing than it was disastrous.”
“You can get your license revoked for that?” Hoseok says with some mild shock, “Had no idea.”
“Neither did I.” Yoongi responds.
With their hands still locked around each others’, they walk up the metal staircase and back into the house through the back doors. Hoseok leads him through the house and they find Namjoon, Jungkook and Seokjin still by the same couches that they left earlier.
Their hands separate awkwardly, but Yoongi doesn’t miss the knowing smirk growing on Jungkook’s ever-mischevious face.
“I’m… gonna be driving Yoongi-hyung home.” Hoseok says, pointing a thumb towards the man beside him.
“You are?” Namjoon’s eyebrows perk up, “You sure?” he asks Yoongi.
Yoongi nods in response.
“Yoongi-yah,” Seokjin stands up from the couch where he previously sat, next to Namjoon. He approaches, then wraps his arms around him in a tight hug. “I hope you know I’m glad you’re still here.”
Yoongi’s stiff body freezes even more for a few seconds before slightly relaxing in his hyung’s hold. “Yeah… I’m glad I’m alive too.”
“I’m so sorry about earlier. I didn’t really know how to react.” Seokjin separates, “I’ll be honest… this kind of scenario is a first for me, so…”
“This is also my first time running into people I used to know.” Yoongi says. “I’m sorry about how I left. I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on any of you. I promise, most of that anger is gone now… I have a good life now.”
“And Hobi-hyung is about to see it up-close and personal.” Jungkook says with a light wiggle to his eyebrows.
Yoongi’s arms stay stiff to his sides and Hoseok looks away. With an awkward cough, he swings his car keys around his finger and signals for Yoongi to follow him. With a nod to the others, he does. He’s led back to the elevator to leave with someone who used to be the most important person in his life, hopefully their relationship isn’t beyond repair. With how friendly Hoseok has been all night, Yoongi can’t imagine how the night could fall apart in any plausible way, but he also can’t say that it’s impossible. The others were too forgiving, Yoongi thinks, he deserved to be shouted at, deserved physical retaliation. But he got none. Instead, they were relieved, they actively told him to re-enter their lives. There’s a part of him that believes it’s all too good to be true.
He gets into Hoseok’s car and tells him where he lives. The drive there is quiet. Too quiet. They used to be able to enjoy these long silences, but it’s been years since they last spoke, they should be talking non-stop about what the other missed in their lives while they were apart.
Hoseok is the first to break the silence, “Do you still do music?”
Yoongi shakes his head, “I haven’t been inspired to write anything for a long while. I don’t have any pain to write from.” he answers, “Sometimes I want to do something that gets me into trouble just so that I can have something to write about.” He looks at Hoseok, “That probably sounds crazy.”
“It does, but it makes sense too.” Hoseok replies, “I’m glad that you are doing well, even if you got better without me.”
Yoongi frowns, “I think we fell apart because you felt that it was your responsibility alone to save me.” he says, “I needed professional help, not some random guy I met on tour who was nice to me.”
“Am I really just some random guy, though?” Hoseok asks, “Would you have come to me that night if I was? Would you… would you have told me that you love me if I was nobody to you?”
“I told you earlier, Hoba, I don’t know how to love.” Yoongi replies.
“I think that’s bullshit.” Yoongi is caught off-guard by Hoseok’s direct tone, they’ve been apart for so long, Yoongi almost forgot how intense he can be when he’s upset. “When you said that I should ‘take what I want from you,’ did you think that I was getting close to you just to have sex with you?”
Yoongi shrinks into the passenger seat, “Well… it’s what most men in the industry wanted from me… It was impossible to be a woman in the punk world and expect to be wanted for your art, not your body.”
“That’s horrible…” Hoseok says, “I didn’t look at you that way.” he pauses and stutters, “I-I mean, not just that way. I, I, I thought you were… you certainly were… I… would you think it was creepy if I told you that I did think about it sometimes…?”
“Then it would be creepy for me to as well.” Yoongi answers, “But I didn’t know who I was back then, I didn’t know my own body, I felt like a prisoner in this shell that didn’t belong to me. I was terrified that if you got close enough, you would notice that. You couldn’t possibly love someone who was pretending to be somebody else.”
“But you’re not pretending anymore.”
Yoongi shakes his head, “It took 40 years, but I think I finally know who I am…”
“So if I were to get close to you now…?” Hoseok’s voice gets quieter, “Would you run away again?”
“You still want to give me a chance?” Yoongi asks, “I’m not the person you knew back then, what if you liked me better the way I was before?”
“You can’t be too different.” Hoseok says, “You’re not the same, but it’s not like you’re a completely new person. You were always Yoongi, there were always parts of you that were real, even if most of it was a mask.” he continues, “Or do you regret everything you were back then?”
Yoongi pauses and thinks. “No, not at all.” he says, “I think some of the bad parts were worth it, if it meant meeting all of you. The scar on my shoulder was worth it because it’s right next to our matching tattoos.”
Hoseok pulls into the driveway of Yoongi’s home and they both get out. Yoongi unlocks the door, and the moment they enter, a loud cry comes from down the hall and a black blur rushes down to greet them. Yoongi chuckles as he leans down to pick Tang up and hold him in his arms while Hoseok closes the door behind them. He looks up to see a soft smile on Hoseok’s face, looking right into Tang’s large eyes.
Hoseok coos at the cat and reaches his hand out, scritching him behind the ear. Yoongi starts to feel the rumbling from his body before hearing the quiet, motor-like sounds come through.
“Hoba,” Yoongi smiles, “this is Seoltang, Joon-ah and I mostly just call him Tang though.” he introduces his cat.
“Of course,” Hoseok’s smile opens, “After years of talking about how much you wanted a cat, it’s nice to know you have one now.”
Yoongi lets Tang jump out of his hold and back onto the wooden floor of his home. “Yeah… Joon-ah found a mama cat on the street a few years ago. I was one of the first people he called when her kittens were ready for adoption.”
“I have two cats myself, both rescues.” Hoseok shares, “Maybe they can be friends.” he says as he looks at Tang, making himself into a cinnamon roll shape on the couch.
“Yeah… maybe…” Yoongi says.
The two stand by the front door for a while, both uncertain of what to say or how to continue through the night. Silently, Yoongi begins walking further into the house. Hoseok silently follows. Without physical contact, Yoongi leads him to his bedroom. Hoseok looks around the room with his mouth slightly agape, looking at the string of vines along the ceiling all leading to three houseplants.
“Woah…” he steps closer to the pots, “I take it this was Joon’s idea.”
“Yeah,” Yoongi answers, sitting down on his bed, “I hate to admit it, but he was right. They do help me feel sane.”
Hoseok walks over to the bed and sits down next to Yoongi. “I’m really glad you showed up tonight.” he says, “I spent 14 years trying to think of what I would say to you if we ever crossed paths again, but now that it’s actually happened, I can’t remember a single thing I rehearsed.” he chuckles.
“I spent all day trying to figure out what to say to you tonight, but it didn’t work out exactly like I planned.” Yoongi says, “I didn’t expect the others to be there either.”
Hoseok scoots a little closer to him, their knees touch. “What were you planning on saying to me tonight?”
Yoongi takes a deep breath and turns his torso to face Hoseok, “Hey, Hoba… it’s me, Yoongi,” he takes Hoseok’s hand, he feels a little silly reenacting what he prepared after they spent the past hour already catching up, “you probably don’t recognize me, but I used to be known as Agust D, I went on tour with a band you worked for and I really enjoyed our time together. If you give me a second chance, I promise I won’t fuck it up this time. I’ve been sober for two years, my life is stable, I know who I am now. You have every right to kick me out right now and tell me to get lost--”
Hoseok cuts him off by leaning forward and kissing him on the lips. Yoongi’s surprise dissipates almost immediately, followed by him turning his head to reciprocate. He can’t help but chase after Hoseok’s lips when he pulls away.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a while.” Hoseok says with a smile, he pushes a few strands of hair behind Yoongi’s ear, “Especially right now.”
Yoongi’s other hand holds Hoseok’s as well, both of their hands interlocked with each other. “Just… to be clear… you want me as I am right now, not as--”
“Hyung,” Hoseok cuts him off again with another quick peck on the lips, “if it helps ease your mind, I’m bi. It does not matter to me what you look like, as long as you’re healthy. And you look healthy, you look happy. That’s what I want from you. That’s all I ever wanted from you.”
“I am happy.” Yoongi says, “It’s a strange, foreign feeling that I’m still getting used to, but I’m happy.” he leans towards Hoseok, “Do you really want me? Even if there are still parts of me that are fucked up beyond repair?”
“I love you, too.” Hoseok says, finally responding to the confession Yoongi gave to him 14 years ago.
Yoongi falls forward completely into Hoseok’s arms. That’s how they spend the rest of the night, holding each other. Even after Yoongi removes his makeup and they both change into more sleep-appropriate attire, they return back to bed just to hold each other again. Yoongi feels a wave of calmness rush through him, like he reached complete serendipity, his biggest regret in his entire life, a night that has haunted him for over a decade, has finally been put to rest.