Work Text:
Of course Grace had heard the whispering.
The whispering about a DSO agent who was an alcoholic, drunk on the job and still the DSO didn't get rid of him. Instead, they sent him out over and over again, knowing he was their best man.
It was an open secret Leon S. Kennedy had issues, even when he was a top secret government agent. People in the FBI knew him, knew the shadow cast by his name and talked about him. Never saying his name out loud, but Grace knew they were talking about him.
About a man with a bulky body, always telling bad jokes, who had rescued an FBI agent a few months back. So yeah, Grace was very certain they were whispering about Leon.
It made Grace angry, she had met Leon, unlike her gossiping colleagues. Only a handful of people at the FBI had met Leon and these handful of people were only higher-ups and eventually Grace.
So of course it made Grace angry hearing people talk about Leon like that. They didn't know Leon, they didn't! Leon was not a drunk, Leon was not mentally unstable, Leon was not rude, Leon was none of the things people said behind his back.
Grace knew Leon.
-
Leon and Grace met occasionally, they’d stayed in touch after ARK. They messaged sometimes and once every few weeks they met for dinner. Only at Grace’s place, they never ate at Leon's or went out to a restaurant. Grace had suggested it once, to go out, and Leon’s right trigger finger had twitched and his eyes had looked away from hers for a second and Grace instinctively knew Leon didn't like the idea, even when he answered: “We can do this sometime.”
Grace hadn't asked again after that and Leon had never brought it up.
So their routine stayed as it was, Grace would message Leon if he wanted to come over next week and Leon would answer a day later. They agreed on a date and time and then they met, ate something Grace cooked and talked, mostly about Grace’s life. Every time Grace asked Leon something personal he would dodge the question with another question or answer with a flat joke. They never spoke about ARK or the Sanatorium. They never spoke about Leon's other jobs. Grace didn't know why exactly, it just never came up.
Likely because Leon wasn't allowed to talk about his jobs and there were better things to chat about for dinner than Rhodes Hill or ARK or undead people. Besides, Grace didn't need to talk about this with Leon, she already talked enough about this shit with her psychiatrist.
So no, she didn't need to talk about it with him.
-
Grace looked at her phone, it was 8:13pm.
Leon was late, 13 minutes late to be exact, which was weird, Leon was never late, usually he was a few minutes too early. If he had to cancel their dinner on short notice because of a job, Leon would always call her. He never just didn't show up, that was not really his style.
So maybe Grace was a bit worried, even when Leon was double her age and had fought against thousands of undead people, Grace was worried about him. Maybe he had a car accident? Grace’s heart made a little anxious jump, maybe he needed help, maybe he was injured, maybe -
Suddenly a knock echoed through her flat. Immediately Grace jumped off her couch, relief flooded her chest. She made her way to the door and pushed down the door handle, opening it: “I was already worried something might have -”
The words died on her tongue when she saw the man in front of her door, her mouth went dry and ice flooded her veins.
In front of her was Leon, he wore a shirt and no jacket even when it was cold outside, he leaned heavily against her doorframe, head resting against the dark wood, his hair was messy and his eyes bloodshot when he looked down on her.
Grace's stomach dropped.
Leon was completely drunk.
What the fuck.
“I’m sorry, I’m too… late”, Leon's voice sounded hoarse and washed out, “I had to - to walk. Couldn't find… the keys.”
“The keys?”, Grace asked dumbly, “Y-you wanted to drive?”
“Yeah”, Leon said like it was the most reasonable thing in the world, “it's… quicker. Now I’m - I’m too late”, he pulled his phone out, showing the screen to Grace, “It's late now.”
Grace didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do. The whispering about Leon had been true, they had been, fuck. Grace felt disappointment crawling up in her chest, she had been so certain Leon was different from what the whispering had promised.
“Can I come… in?”, Leon asked, pushing himself off the doorframe, swaying heavily, his right hand instinctively grabbing the door handle, nearly dropping the phone, Grace snatched it from his hand in time. Leon must be extremely drunk.
Unfortunately Grace didn't know what to do if your friend, who had the stigma of being an alcoholic and apparently was one, showed up on your doorstep completely drunk. On top of that this named friend acted like nothing happened.
Leon's left hand came up, touching his face, massaging his temple, the spider web of the fading scars of the T-virus still visible on the back of his hand, they would always be visible.
Grace felt a little sting in her chest, she couldn't let Leon leave in his condition, he had saved her life countless times, she owed him.
“Yeah, come in”, Grace said and stepped aside, letting him in. When Leon passed her, she smelled the intense reek of alcohol.
Leon swayed so heavily he always had to grab something to steady himself, preventing himself from falling.
Seeing Leon like this, not being able to stand straight, squeezed Grace's heart. It hurt seeing someone so strong, untouchable and skilled this helpless. It hurt so much, mixing into her disappointment.
“You can sit on the couch”, Grace said and closed the door.
“But dinner?”, Leon asked, he sounded genuinely confused.
“We can have dinner on the couch today”, Grace said, forcing herself to smile, “maybe watching a movie while eating.”
Leon hummed and flopped down on the couch, “Watching a movie while - while eating, didn't do that in a… long time.” He immediately melted into the pillows, head laying on the backrest, looking up at the ceiling.
Grace sat on the other end of the couch, placing Leon's phone on the table in front of them. She didn't know what to do. Something must be wrong, otherwise Leon would've never turned up on her doorstep like this, something must've happened.
“Did something happen?”, Grace asked, glancing up at the older man.
Leon frowned, a little scrunch around his eyebrows, “No?”
“Okay”, Grace said, knowing this must be a lie, but on the other hand as if Leon would tell her if something bothered him. Even when he was completely drunk he wouldn't tell her.
“Just the screams were so - so loud”, Leon said, “Everyone was screaming at me, didn't - didn't let me sleep”, he exhaled, “I’m so fucking tired.”
Goosebumps erupted over Grace's body, what the fuck, that was concerning to say the least.
“You didn't sleep?”, Grace asked, now looking fully at Leon again, spotting the dark circles under his eyes and his slightly blue lips. Shit, even Leon Kennedy couldn't walk around without a jacket when it was the first cold week in autumn.
Grace turned around grabbing her thick blue blanket with little stars. She held it in Leon's direction, “You must be cold.”
Leon turned his head, making a waving gesture, “Don't need it, don't wanna sleep.”
“It's not for sleeping”, Grace said and scooted closer, unfolding the blanket, placing it over Leon's body, “It's to keep you warm.”
Leon hummed and watched as she placed the blanket over his body. When she touched his arm it felt like ice.
“Since when haven't you slept?”, Grace asked.
Leon shrugged, “Don't know.”
“Do… Do you always hear screams?”, Grace tried to sound nonchalant, like it was no big deal, but it definitely was.
“Not always”, Leon said, “sometimes. In my head”, he tapped against his temple, “everything is crazy.”
And suddenly Grace understood.
Leon's twitchiness, his aversion towards restaurants or public places in general, never talking about himself, the drinking…
Grace had never seen it, even when it had been obvious in hindsight. Perhaps she hadn't wanted to see it. Wanted to see Leon as untouchable, as someone she always could rely on. He had been her anchor while being stuck in her nightmare, he had been so experienced and always so calm.
She had been so fucking stupid she wanted to slap herself.
“Sometimes our mind has enough.”
Leon looked at her, his eyes twitched, “Enough?”
“Y-yeah”, Grace said, fumbling with her shirt seam, “I-I know the feeling. It's o-okay, feeling lost sometimes.”
“Lost”, Leon said, biting his bottom lip, it looked like he tried to think Grace's words through, which seemed difficult given how much alcohol circulated in his body.
“Maybe you should -”
“It's my fault.”
Grace's head snapped up, “What?"
“My fault”, Leon said, voice flat.
Grace frowned, “What is? W-what is your fault?”
“Everyone died, all my fault”, his look was distant.
“Died?”, Grace was so confused, what was Leon talking about, she didn’t even know what Leon was talking about?
“I should’ve - should’ve saved them”, his breathing picked up, his hands started to shake, “All my fault”, he sat up, blanket falling from his chest, pooling around his waist, he drove his hand into his hair, pulling hard on the strands, “Everyone died because of me.”
“What? No!”, Grace said, heart starting to race, “No, Leon, no.”
“My fault. I couldn't save anyone”, Leon's breathing was so fast it sounded like he was hyperventilating. Oh fuck. Why did this escalate so quickly? Why was Grace so bad at this?
“Leon calm down, please”, Grace said, carefully touching Leon's arm, wanting to give him comfort. Leon winced so hard Grace startled and immediately pulled her hand back.
“Everyone is dead, all my fault, my -, why did this happen”, Leon's pupils were blown and swallowed the entire blue of his eyes, his voice was hurried and out of breath, “It shouldn't have happened, my fault, all -”
“Leon!”, Grace cut in, she felt scared, “Please calm down.”
“Please forgive me”, Leon said, voice hoarse, “Please forgive me for not saving them”, he sobbed, his body trembled, “Please please please forgive me”, tears clinging to his lashes, rolling down his stubbly cheeks, “Forgive me, forgive me.”
Grace froze up in place, her mind was wiped blank. Seeing Leon cry and falling apart set her mind to a cold stop.
Suddenly Leon's stream of words stopped, Grace could watch how his face went neutral, his hands falling away from his hair into his lap, strands curled around his fingers, his arms tensed and biceps were bulging under the shirt, reminding her how strong Leon was, he could overpower her without breaking a sweat.
“Leon?”, Grace said, anxiety painting her voice. She was so scared, not scared like she had been in Rhodes Hill or ARK, not this kind of fear.
It was that kind of fear which gripped her heart when she saw someone hurt, saw someone suffer. The kind of fear she had felt while carrying Emily to the church.
Leon's eyes were puffy and his cheeks wet. He blinked, staring at the opposite wall.
“Leon!”, Grace said again, raising her hand to touch him, she wanted to comfort him so badly, but she stopped, should she touch him again?
Maybe not.
Grace lowered her hand, rubbing her thighs, her hands felt sweaty.
Leon didn't react to her voice or to her raised hand, he didn't react at all. Just sitting on the couch, body rigid, breathing flat and staring at the wall. It seemed like his mind had abandoned his body, only leaving a shell.
Grace was completely out of her depth here, sure she went to a psychiatrist but she wasn't one, she didn't know what to do. She tried to deeply breathe in and out, calming her racing thoughts, she couldn't help Leon if she didn't calm down herself.
It was on her to help him, she needed to help him, she -
Leon's phone lit up.
Grace's eyes snapped to the display, only a number was shown. She looked at the phone, then looked at Leon. No reaction. It seemed like Leon had turned into stone. Even his blinking was slow.
The caller went to voicemail and the lockscreen showed up, Grace’s heart skipped a beat, the number had called Leon over thirty times.
The screen went black again.
Shit, what was Grace about to do? Call an ambulance? Did you call an ambulance if someone left his own body? Would Leon even want to get checked up by random people?
Definitely not.
But Grace couldn't help him.
Leon's phone lit up again, the same number from before was calling.
Someone who was apparently very eager to reach Leon. Maybe this person knew what to do.
Because Grace really didn't know what to do, so she did the only thing that seemed reasonable in this situation, she grabbed the phone and accepted the call.
She raised the phone against her ear, before Grace could say anything a woman's voice rang through the line, she spoke fast and sounded extremely worried, “Leon where are you? I called you like a million times, where the fuck are you?”
Grace immediately recognized the voice, she had met the other woman after ARK.
“Sherry?”
“Grace!?”, Sherry's voice climbed one octave higher, “What are you doing with Leon's phone? Where is he? I’m trying to reach him for hours.”
“He's with me”, Grace said, turning around to look at Leon, his gaze still focused on the opposite wall, he hadn't moved.
“Thank goodness”, Sherry said and exhaled, “I was so worried about him, especially because today is the day and -”
“Today is the day?”, Grace cut in, “W-what do you mean by that? What day?”
“Didn't he tell you?”, Sherry asked, she sounded genuinely confused, “it's September 30th. The Raccoon City incident.”
Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.
Grace had completely forgotten about this, shit, shit, shit.
“That explains a lot actually”, Grace answered.
Short silence, then Sherry asked quietly: “What happened?”
-
Grace had told Sherry everything and 30 minutes later Sherry knocked on Grace's door. She had come as fast as she could.
“Where's he?”, Sherry asked, already stepping through the open door, looking around. Before Grace could answer Sherry spotted Leon on the couch, he hadn't moved since their phone call had ended.
“Did you speak to him? Touch him?”, Sherry asked, walking to the couch, she sounded like this was a question she had asked many times already.
“N-no”, Grace said, watching Sherry kneel in front of Leon, “I-I was scared he could get spooked. I d-didn’t know what to do, I-I’m sorry.”
“It's alright”, Sherry said, looking Leon up and down, “You did the right thing.”
“W-what’s wrong with him?”, Grace asked, she felt so bad not being able to help.
“He dissociated”, Sherry said, gently placing her hands on Leon's knees, touching the fluffy blanket, “Did you two talk about something specifically before this happened?"
“W-We talked about the screaming he hears”, Grace said, biting her thumbnail, “I-I s-shouldn’t have talked with him about that.”
“What did he say?”
“H-he”, a cold hand grabbed her heart, “he started crying and begged me for forgiveness”, she made a short pause, “For forgiveness because he couldn't save anyone.”
Sherry hummed, “Yeah, maybe that was not such a good topic.”
“I-I’m s-so so sorry”, Grace said, voice strained, “I’m so s-sorry, I didn't know. I-I didn't -”
“You couldn't”, Sherry said, looking up, “it's not your fault Grace. If it's anyone's fault it's mine and maybe Claire's. We should've known better.”
Sherry carefully pulled the star blanket up, placing it next to Leon on the couch, “Did you see any weapons on him? Knife? Gun?”
“N-no.”
“Okay”, Sherry said and nodded, “this doesn't mean he has no weapons with him, but searching makes no sense at the moment.”
She looked Leon up and down again, then she looked at Grace, her eyes had a hard gleam in them, protective, “Whatever happens, don't be scared Grace. He'll be alright, I promise.”
Grace nodded, she didn't know what to say.
Sherry's hands came up, carefully brushing Leon's hair away and settling her hands on his cheeks, her thumb carefully stroking over the outgrown stubble, “Leon”, her voice was stern but also gentle, “Come on Leon, we've got to go home.”
Leon blinked but didn't move.
“Everything is alright, Claire and I want to go home with you.”
Leon's mouth twitched.
“Everyone is safe, Claire is safe, I’m safe, you are safe.”
Leon frowned slightly, eyes blinking.
“You're not in Raccoon City. We’re not in Raccoon City.”
Leon's face scrunched, it seemed like he was in pain, his breathing quickened.
Sherry smiled at him, “Everything is alright.”
Suddenly Leon's right hand shot up, clasping Sherry's wrist, his knuckles went white, the grip must hurt.
“Are you with me, Leon?”, Sherry asked, thumbs still stroking his cheeks.
Leon exhaled, right hand falling away from Sherry's wrist, instead moving to his forehead.
“M-my head hurts”, Leon mumbled, fingers pressing into his temple, “My h-head.”
“I know”, Sherry said, “It’ll pass.”
“My head”, Leon said again, eyes turning glassy, “My head. My head. My head.”
Grace's heart broke, the way Leon repeated the two words over and over again, it was not only the headache he was talking about. She felt so bad for judging him earlier, she felt so fucking bad.
Tears fell down Leon's eyes, wetting Sherry's fingers, “My head. My head.”
“Come on”, Sherry said, hands sliding down, taking his left hand, “Let's go home.”
Leon sniffled and Grace felt how her eyes got glassy too, this evening had been way too much for her.
Sherry helped Leon stand up and led him to the door, supporting his weight, he was still swaying heavily, maybe even more than before.
“Goodbye”, Sherry said, turning her head to Grace, Leon's arm around her shoulders, he was still silently crying, the tears reflected the dim light on the floor while falling, “Thank you for looking after him.”
Grace didn't know what to say, again. A lump was blocking her throat. She just nodded.
When Grace closed the door, she slid onto the floor, tears falling, she sobbed, hands grabbing her hair. She cried until her eyes hurt and her head throbbed.
She hadn't been able to help. Again
-
Two days later Grace received a text message.
I’m sorry for what happened the other night.
She didn't even have to think about a reply.
It's alright, next year we'll stay with you <3 Don't be so hard on yourself.
Leon replied only a minute later.
I always will.