Work Text:
She can’t sleep, and it’s all because of her.
It’s been two months and three days since Emma Frost has come to the realisation that she is in love with Jean Grey. Not that she’s counting, of course.
They’re… not friends, not really, Emma thinks. Jean’s been blushing around her more than usual the past five months, but who wouldn’t, really? Jean being attracted to her isn’t anything strange- she was bound to come to that realisation sooner or later. And Emma isn’t one to pass up the opportunity to tease her ex-nemesis turned co-worker, so she takes every passing opportunity to heighten Jean’s blushes.
It’s something she knows how to do. Flirting and being suggestive comes naturally to her, afterall, she’s been doing this since she was eighteen, and she takes particular delight when Jean has to look away from her.
So, everything was going fine for the first two and a half months, and it was still exciting. Maybe that should have been the first sign. She usually gets bored within a few weeks. She’d reasoned to herself that none of the people she’d flirted with were Jean Grey.
Then month three hit, and, well, that’s when she realised she was in love with Jean. She found herself wanting to be around Jean, wanting to see her smile, wanting to hear her laugh.
So she does what she does best, and leaves. Not literally, of course, she still has a school to run. But she cuts as much contact as she can possibly cut, and when they do interact, it’s short and clipped.
Regardless, she’s here, standing on her balcony. It’s a view she’s seen multiple times, late at night when everyone else is asleep. She stands there, skin cold to the touch, and breathes.
Once again, she’s fallen in love with someone who will never love her back. This time, she knows there’s no chance. Scott was weak, and part of her will always hate him for cheating on Jean, because Jean deserves someone who’s stronger than that, stronger than Scott, stronger than her.
Jean and Scott have separated- they haven’t been together, not for a few years, but they’re still amicable. Sometimes she has the urge to squeeze his throat when she sees them smiling at each other.
The night is still for a bit, and then a figure steps out into the balcony opposite hers. Even in the dark, there’s no mistaking who it is, even if she didn’t know who’s room that belonged to.
Emma Frost would recognise Jean Grey no matter the circumstance. It doesn’t help that they’ve fought against each other and alongside each other so much that she recognises Jean’s telepathic signature before she even steps out.
She contemplates going back inside, but Jean is already looking at her, and their bond is so strong from all those fights that for a moment, Emma catches a glimpse of herself from Jean’s point of view, before the connection is severed by the both of them.
Neither of them move. Emma doesn’t turn into diamond, and Jean doesn’t reach out with her mind. Eventually, Jean leans against the glass barrier on the balcony, and Emma relaxes slightly. Jean is no longer looking at her anymore, and instead staring into the distance.
She stays out there a bit longer. Neither of them acknowledge each other, but both are wholly aware of each other’s presence.
Eventually, Emma retreats back into the safety of her room. Jean’s eyes follow her until she is out of view, and it is only then that Emma feels as though she can breathe properly again. She draws the curtains, turns to diamond, and falls asleep.
This… routine goes on for a few months. It’s the same everytime- she can’t fall asleep, so she stays out until it’s late enough that Jean appears. They’re both silent each and every time, and neither of them reach out.
She always leaves before Jean does. There’s always a certain point in the night where it feels like she can’t breathe anymore, and she has to hide away in her diamond form. Jean’s eyes follow her every night.
Then Jean gets sent on a mission, and Emma knows this- she does. So she is not surprised when Jean does not appear on her balcony that night. Still, she stays up the whole three nights Jean is away, unable to sleep.
Remy tells her that she looks like a zombie, and she stares at him until he backs away.
Scott is looking at her like he’s thinking, and although he never really gets anywhere with those thoughts of his, she still turns back into diamond just in case. She will die before Scott Summers talks to her about Jean.
On the fourth night, Jean appears at the balcony again. It’s clear she’s tired. Exhaustion rolls out in waves through the night until it reaches Emma’s balcony, and Emma wants so horribly to hold her in her arms. She recoils the second the thought enters her mind. She can’t afford to think like that- it’ll only make it worse.
So instead, she stares at Jean for a moment, just enough to ensure she isn’t mortally wounded, although that doesn’t really matter when it comes to Jean Grey, she supposes, then heads back into her room.
Jean doesn’t look at her as she leaves, and Emma falters for a moment- just a moment- but she knows it’s a moment too long. So she continues into her room, her heart pounding, and turns to diamond.
Whatever she’s feeling is immediately dulled, enough so that she’s finally able to sleep for the first time in three days.
She doesn’t see Jean the next day, and Jean doesn’t re-appear on the balcony that night either.
She tells herself it’s fine. It has to be. They don’t mean anything to each other. It’s fine. She tells herself that the next night, when Jean doesn’t appear again, and the night after that, and the night after that. She tells herself it’s fine for two weeks, and it is all ruined when she slips out of diamond form one night by accident and dreams of Jean.
They’re in bed together, Jean’s head laying on her chest as it rises and falls slowly, and she’s overcome with a sense of warmth that she’s never felt before. She’s placing gentle kisses along Jean’s forehead, and Jean is looking at her with so much love in her eyes.
And then she is being shaken awake by gentle hands- the gentlest she’s ever felt, and for a second she thinks it is Death coming to greet her, because she has never felt this calm and this warm before.
Then she opens her eyes and sees a shock of red hair and worried green eyes staring at her, and she immediately recoils. There’s a missing warmth where Jean’s hands leave her shoulder, and she misses it, but Jean Grey is in her room, staring at her with something she can’t read, so she stops her body from gravitating towards Jean.
She stares at Jean for a second, trying to formulate a sentence, anything, but it is Jean who acts first.
Jean glances at her for a second before reaching into her pocket and pulling out a handkerchief and handing it to her. Emma stares at it, and Jean seems to contemplate something for a moment before slowly reaching out and wiping her face. It is only then that Emma realises she had been crying- is still crying, and that realisation only exacerbates the situation as she lets out a sob.
It has been years since she has let out tears. It has been even longer since she has sobbed in earnest. That counter is reset to this moment, where tears stream down her face and her mouth is open in a silent, continuous sob, as Jean abandons the handkerchief altogether, makes a split second decision, reaches out into Emma’s mind, hears her silent plea, and envelopes Emma in her arms.
Emma is tired. So, so, tired. So when Jean’s arms, warm and open, wrap around her shaking body, she sinks into it. It’s silent for a while, then Jean starts singing oh so gently, and Emma can feel the vibrations of her chest against her head, and it reminds her so, so much of the dream she just had, and it just serves as another reminder of something she will never had, that she lets out a guttaral cry.
Jean continues singing, and runs a hand through Emma’s hair, and Emma wants and wants and wants for something that is out of reach, and her thoughts are so loud and they’re no longer in her control and she has to stop, she has to stop before they get broadcasted to the woman holding her in her arms, but she won’t turn to diamond, not when Jean has her in her arms, not like this.
So she lets out another wail, and then Jean looking at her with such adoration that even Emma can tell, and Emma wants to throw herself off the balcony and shatter into a million little pieces, because she doesn’t know what’s going on, and she can’t seem to stop crying.
Eventually, she does run out of tears, and when she does, Jean tentatively pulls back to look at her. Again, she immediately misses the warmth of Jean’s body, but this time, after a bit of hesitation, Jean reaches out again and cups her face in her hands.
‘You know, you could have just told me you liked me.’ Jean says evenly, and Emma, once again, immediately recoils.
Jean lets her hands fall, and doesn’t say anything more for a while, and Emma thinks she’s genuinely losing it, because she doesn’t remember saying anything while she was crying.
And then Jean projects the dream she had into her mind, and oh, of course.
She’s going to have to live inside lead-lined walls to prevent any form of telepathy getting through. There’s no other way.
But Jean is smiling softly, and looking at her with those beautiful eyes of hers, and Emma’s missing something, she knows she is, but it only clicks when Jean takes her hand, looks at her in the eyes, places a kiss on her hand, and says,
‘It would have saved me countless nights in the cold just to spend some time with you.’
And Emma is rendered speechless. Which isn’t surprising when it comes to Jean Grey, but she can count on her hands the total number of times she’s been left speechless.
It’s not enough though, and it’s clear there’s still question and hesitation in her eyes, because Jean lets out a laugh, and it’s so beautiful that Emma almost misses the next few words.
‘Take me on a date, Emma Frost.’