Chapter Text
Gerard knew it wouldn't be easy.
Three months is a lot of time without seeing each other, but there was nothing he could do.
Usually they'd go with Frank to this kind of longer tour but they had about four conventions marked in their calendar for the months Frank would be away. Obviously, Gerard loved his fans, and meeting them was wonderful, always so full of love and admiration, so many people touched by his art, he adored it. But this time around, even the usual satisfaction that came with the tiredness after a long day couldn't reach them, all they could think about was that when they went back home, exhausted out of their mind, Frank wouldn't be there to greet them. He felt extremely lonely.
In the first night, Gerard went to bed like they'd do normally, thinking they'd be able to rest just like usual. It's not as if Gerard was dependent on Frank to have a good night of sleep. That's what he thought, at least. But they couldn't shut their eyes and just sleep for nothing in the world. He turned from side to side on the bed for hours until he gave up, missing his boyfriend so much it hurt. It had been only a day since he left. Gerard sighed heavily, trying not to spend the whole night yearning while they stared at the ceiling, they sat at their bed annoyed, getting up and walking to the living room, they flopped on the couch angrily, looking through the Netflix catalogue for a while before deciding to put on the first season of The Walking Dead. He'd watched it multiple times but it was distracting enough for him. They only realized they had fallen asleep when they woke up the next morning with a insistent ache in their lower back and neck, they got up slowly, wincing. He raised his arms above his head and stretched, feeling his spine pop loudly, reminding himself he wasn't 21 anymore and sleeping on the couch sitting up was simply a stupid move. They sighed and moved on, a look at the kitchen clock made them realize they had slept through their alarm and it was around 12h30. He shrugged it off, he wasn't in his normal state, it was a one-time thing.
Gerard would spend most of the mornings and afternoons watching the rest of the few episodes they hadn't seen the night before. When he decided to get some work done, it was usually already around 18h, he'd sit down in front of his drawing table and stay there until he heard birds chirping outside, yawing and going straight to the couch every time, decided not to suffer through the drama of being unable to sleep in his own bed again. They'd lay down in front of the TV and turn the show back on, waking up the next day with their cheek smashed on the cushions, still on their stomach.
He didn't pay much attention to it at this point, he'd get up, still feeling sore and walk in the kitchen's direction, he'd turn the coffee machine on and watch it being made, wishing Frank was there, being loud and annoying around the apartment. They'd never been apart from the man for longer then a week since they started dating. Gerard tried to reason with himself that it had been only a couple of days, but all he could think about was of how much he missed his boyfriend. They didn't even feel like days were passing at all, always being awake for long enough to see the sun back up in the sky, waking up when it was close to the sunset. All he'd feel was the loneliness and the longing. The only time they didn't feel so out of place was when Frank had time to call them, they kept the text messages constant, but it wasn't the same. Gerard felt warmth flooding him every time he heard Frank's voice on the speaker, he was glad they managed to have a call every day, even if briefly.
Around the 15th day of tour, and of Gerard being left to his own devices, Mikey asked if he wanted to have lunch with him on a restaurant they both liked, Gerard would only have another event the next week, so he didn't have any reason to be busy anyway. It went well, it was nice seeing Mikey after so long since their last hang out, but he wouldn't stop throwing these weird glances at their direction. When they decided to walk to the ice cream shop on the corner of the street, Mikey asked Gerard if he was ok as soon as they sat down to eat. It caught them off guard, I mean, they knew they looked a bit tired, but Mikey seemed actually concerned. He did his best to assure his brother that he was just fine, and Mikey did his best to look convincing when he said he ...believed.
During that day's routine call with Frank, he asked Gerard how they were doing, just like he always did, and Gerard said they were doing well, but this time Frank pushed a bit more, asking if Gerard was sleeping well, eating well, remembering to go out to be in the sun sometimes... Gerard rolled his eyes and almost called Mikey to tell him to Back the fuck off, he was fine! But they didn't, they knew Mikey was right to be worried at some degree, even though they'd never admit it out loud.
★
Frank had told Gerard he'd arrive two days after their last show, since it'd be somewhere close to home. Turns out it was closer than originally thought and he'd be able to be in New Jersey the day right after Leathermouth's last show, he's had that information for a few days but decided to surprise his boyfriend by just coming home earlier. He didn't think it'd be a problem, it was around 16h when the tour bus dropped him off around the corner in case Gerard could hear the motor. He didn't want to ruin the surprise.
Frank dragged his heavy suitcase through the side walk, being so relieved to be back home, that when he saw the front of the building he almost cried. When he was finally on the elevator Frank could feel himself buzzing in anticipation, he tugged at his bottom lip piercing nervously as he heard the soft 'ping', warning him that he had reached his designated floor. He slowed down in case Gerard was near the door, he didn't want to ruin his surprise with his lousy suitcase, he looked in his pockets, fishing out his keys, he unlocked the door slowly and picked his bag up, entering their apartment.
He looks around and doesn't see Gerard anywhere near. He slowly takes off his shoes, leaving them along with his case by the door. It's kinda weird he can't hear any sound at all from the apartment, Gerard likes to work listening to music, if they think Frank's not home, they don't have any reason to use headphones or anything of that nature. And if he were to be taking an afternoon break he'd probably be on the kitchen waiting for his coffee to be ready, Frank tiptoes in Gerard's office direction before stopping dead on his tracks. On the corner of Frank's vision he can see the couch, there's a splash of black contrasting with the light cushions. Frank walks around the piece of furniture to stand in front of it, now clearly seeing Gerard taking a nap. In the middle of the day.
Not that he'd be angry at all with Gerard for not working their usual hours, he was mostly curious, the urge to just shake them awake so they can greet properly almost making him lean forward to push at their shoulder, he sighs and a smile involuntarily plays on his expression, Gerard had the blanket drawn up to their chin, but Frank could tell they were curled up under it, their soft, black hair splayed around their head like a halo of some sort. He looked so incredibly adorable. As much as Frank finds it weird that Gerard was sleeping now to begin with, he couldn't find it in him to wake them up just yet.
Frank considered his options before nodding to himself, he carefully walked back to the door to grab his suit case, lifting it to carry by hand, rather than strolling it, he walks to their bedroom and is contemplated with the exact same thing he saw the last he was there, the morning he left, even the half-empty glass of water on the side table is in the exact same position, the only difference being Gerard is not buried under their blankets, he's sleeping on the couch. Frank stands stunned at the door for a few minutes, he frowns when he looks behind himself to gaze at Gerard draped on the couch, then back at their room, as if trying to make sense of what he was seeing, looking for an explanation aside from- Did Gerard not sleep in their room at all for three months straight?
Frank thought that surely couldn't be the case. Why would they? That'd be bad for his back for sure, the question to why he was sleeping so deeply at 16h that he didn't listen to Frank's keys on the lock, even though the front door opens almost directly to the living room came to him.
Ok. That's weird.
He looks at their bed and realizes it's still the same bed sheets he'd put on a week before leaving. Frank's aware that Gerard is not known for being exactly huge on hygiene, but that pretty much changed over the last few years, specially since Gerard had been able to cut off their drinking completely, so that wouldn't be their normal behavior either. He can't find any other reason to why Gerard hadn't change them or moved anything else in their bedroom, or to why he was sleeping on the couch except for if he wasn't using their room at all.
He sighs and rubs his face 'what the fuck', he thinks, trying to make sense of it only for a second before giving up as he finally walks inside, he places his suitcase by the bed before walking to the bathroom, he kinda wished he had woken Gerard up so he wouldn't have to take his first shower at home alone after three months of being away. He's methodic with it but can't help but bask in the warm water, washing away that musk that seemed to linger no matter how many showers he took on the road, even in hotels. Frank never felt clean compared to taking a proper shower in his own home. He thought it might be something psychological but he didn't care, the warm water and familiar soap scent made him feel more human, he took his towel and wrapped it around his waist as he walked back into the bedroom. He looked for his comfiest clothes, ending up in a over sized hoodie and sweatpants.
Frank walks out of the room after his long shower and goes back to the living room, checking in on Gerard.
And they're still sleeping. Haven't moved a muscle even.
Frank thought his moving around the apartment would have woken him up by then, even with him trying to be careful, but it didn't. He smiles satisfied and goes to the kitchen, he turns on the coffee machine, again thinking that'd be the noise that would wake up his boyfriend, and is pleasantly surprised that it didn't. When he comes back to stand on front of the couch, Gerard is still as deep in sleep as he was when Frank arrived. He huffs out a quiet laugh of disbelief.
Frank can't help but sigh lovingly at the sight of him again, Gerard looks like an angel when he's sleeping. Frank is aware he might watch his boyfriend sleep just the tiny amount more than normal for it to be kinda creepy, but he knows Gerard doesn't mind. He leans forward but doesn't shake them awake, instead, he threads his fingers in their hair, tucking it behind their ear and away from their face so he could have a better look, his feather-light touches allowed them to keep sleeping and Frank to keep watching. He tugged his lip ring before reaching up with his other hand, carefully cradling Gerard's head, lifting him only enough so he can slip under, supporting the weight of his skull on his legs.
Gerard doesn't wake up, he just shifts around until he has his face half-pressed on Frank's thighs. When Frank ever so slowly starts petting their hair again, they let out a happy sigh, Frank grins and starts scratching their scalp, he goes on for so long he has to bite his bottom lip trying to contain a laugh threatening to erupt, How did Gerard not realize he was there? He kept combing his fingers on the soft strands of his boyfriend's hair until he felt Gerard shifting on his lap again. For a moment, Frank thinks Gerard's about to go back to sleeping but he can see the soft crease between their eyebrows deepening, their eyelashes fluttering before their eyes open slowly, Gerard sees their boyfriend staring down at them and their lips tug in a involuntary smile, Frank doesn't even try to contain his own smile as he sees the realization dawning on their features.
"Hi Gee"
Gerard sucks in a sharp breath and sits up quickly, tuning to look at Frank in disbelief, they don't seem convinced they're not dreaming, scanning their boyfriend up and down for five seconds before their mouth stretches in a smile so wide their face splits in two, they throw themselves on Frank, latching their arms around his neck. His weight making them both fall back on the couch, Frank feels his breath being knocked out of his lungs with the force in which Gerard falls on top of his chest. He hugs them back tightly, laughing out of breath, he's sure his grin is matching Gerard's, his flushed cheeks almost hurting from the effort. Gerard squirms until he's able to bury his face fully on the curve of Frank's throat and shoulder.
"I missed you too Baby" Frank says, but Gerard doesn't answer, they just rubs their nose on Frank's throat, breathing in deeply.
"When 'id you arrive?" he mumbles against the soft skin right under his boyfriend's ear. Frank feels his hairs raising along with goosebumps but he ignores it.
"'round half an hour ago, I think?" that made Gerard shuffle back to create some distance, just enough so they're able to look in Frank's face with a offended expression, but they only keep it up for a few seconds before falling down on his chest again, burying their face back in the crook of his neck, making a sad noise as they still held him tightly.
"Why 'idn't you wake me up?" they sound hurt and Frank feels his chest tightening. He hadn't mean to make Gerard sad. He rests one of his hands on the small of their back, slipping it under their shirt to press at the soft skin, he can feel the warmth radiating from them, as he starts rubbing circles, the other hand falling back on their hair, scratching their scalp lightly. He presses his lips in a line.
"You looked peaceful, and I had to take a shower" he explains and pauses, waiting for a reaction but Gerard just sniffles and Frank feels his heart shattering in a million pieces."'m sorry baby" he says apologizing, but Gerard just sniffles again, Frank feels their warm tears wetting the shoulder of his hoodie.
"I apologized Gee, I meant it ok? I'm sorry-"
"It's not that" Gerard interrupts with a low, rough voice "I just missed you", he whispered the last part. It catches Frank off guard. He feels like never going on a tour ever again, actually.
"I missed you too, so so much" Frank whispers back, trying to press himself closer, as if to make up for all the time he'd been away.
And it was true, as much as Gerard didn't like to admit how much the time away had affected them, they knew what they felt like. Since the first day, he couldn't bear the distance. He tries to stop crying, as not to worry Frank but it doesn't seem to work.
His tears running in a constant stream down his cheeks and onto Frank's shoulder.
Frank's trying very hard not to cry along as Gerard starts openly sobbing now, their body shaking, sniffling every now and then, they keep wiping the tears away as they keep falling. Frank tugs at his lip piercing and tightens his hold around his boyfriend. He turns his head and presses his face on Gerard's hair, shushing them, petting their back and scratching their scalp, trying to calm them down, Frank can feel his own eyes watering in sympathy but he doesn't let the tears fall, he concentrates on comforting the crying mess in his arms.
Gerard slowly stops shaking, then sniffles a few more times, taking a deep breath before pressing a kiss on the curve of their boyfriend's neck, nuzzling his throat, as if to say 'thank you' and 'i'm sorry' at the same time. Frank laughs softly and lifts his hands, holding both sides of his face, pulling away just sufficiently so that they can look at each other, but still so close their noses almost touch, Gerard smiles down at him, their eyes wet and puffed, their nose red.
Frank is insanely happy he's back home, specially now that he's close enough to notice the dark circles under his boyfriend's eyes, he smiles back, trying to ignore the worry creeping on the back of his mind. He leans close and starts leaving soft kisses on Gerard's forehead and cheeks before pressing their lips together, Frank feels his heart doing pirouettes against his rib cage when Gerard smiles on his mouth, he hadn't realized how much he'd missed kissing Gerard until now, feeling their chapped lips on his own, the little sighs they let out every time Frank caresses their cheekbones with his thumbs delicately, their mouths moving in a familiar way against each other, almost practiced, just from how many years they've had to learn, it felt like second nature, Frank could kiss them forever.
Frank withdraws from the kiss, still leaving only a small distance between them, brushing his nose gently on his boyfriend's cheek, right under the broken blood vessel there. Gerard peeks at him through his lashes with a dopey smile splayed on his features, his hair sticking in different directions, his cheeks squashed between Frank's palms, making him look even cuter.
Frank is sure he's making the most smitten face at Gerard, he must look stupid, but Gerard doesn't seem to mind, their mouth stretching in a matching grin before they lean back in to smack one last kiss on his lips. They sits up right on Frank's lap, both their hands running from his neck to his shoulder, chest, then finally stopping on his stomach, they stare at the extension of Frank's body with a reverent expression, Frank can't help but do the same, admiring how Gerard's hair fall on their face, their pale skin and soft features, the pronounced cupid bow, their effortlessly long lashes, the whole section from their jaw to their clavicle, showing because of the low-hanging colar of the old shirt they're wearing, Frank can't see anything under the shirt itself but he knows what Gerard looks like without it, his soft chest and tummy, the fine hair of his navel, Gerard is not wearing pants or shorts, Frank thinks it's kinda crazy how he hadn't noticed it before, he also realizes Gerard is wearing one of his own boxers, Frank thinks he must've been really distracted by the whole Emotions thing to not see it before, but he doesn't really mind.
He runs his hands up the soft, also pale, thighs and rests them there, just drinking in the sight of the man he's missed every single day for the last 92 days without fail, daydreaming of coming back home to be in this exact position. He sighs content and contemplates Gerard's face once again, catching him staring back already, they smile at each other with such a disgustingly in love expression they'd make a whole room uncomfortable.
"I kinda wanna open your rib cage and live inside your chest" Gerard blurts out and Frank creases his eyebrows, biting back a grin.
"I don't think you can do that" Frank responds with his eyebrows raised and his mouth pressed in a line, like he's supposedly breaking the worst news ever, trying to keep the serious face, Gerard gives him their best affronted expression, as if Frank is personally trying to insult them by not letting Gerard crawl inside his torso, Frank huffs out a laugh and Gerard's frown deepens for a moment before their whole face lit up, they scramble to pull their shirt off, Frank's smirk falters.
"Gee, I'm not- I don't wanna huh..." Frank rambles, Gerard seemingly unbothered, throws his shirt somewhere behind him, now only wearing Frank's boxers, when he sees the hesitance in his boyfriend's eyes he furrows his eyebrows in confusion only for a second before speaking back.
"Oh! No, I just want more contact." they clarifies with a big smile playing on their lips, Frank raises an eyebrow questioning but any doubt he had is quickly answered as Gerard grabs the hem of his oversized sweatshirt and holds it up so they can bury themselves inside, Frank lets out a surprised yelp, feeling his boyfriend slide all the way in under his hoodie, Gerard shifts around until they can lay down comfortably, resting their soft body on top of his own completely, Gerard's head on Frank's bare chest, the warmth mingling.
Frank quickly holds him back after the initial shock wears off, he latches his arms around Gerard and presses his chin to his own collarbone, trying to get a view of what they looked like, all entangled, both their bodies cramped inside his stretched out hoodie, but all he could see was the lump of Gerard's back and his soft black hair peeking out of the colar.
Gerard finally stops moving around, hooking their heel under Frank's calf and hugging his middle tightly against themselves, their good ear pressed on Frank's chest, which seems very deliberate, because in this position, they can hear any little sound Frank makes. Like his stupidly increased heartbeat, for example.
Frank can't help but feel silly, he doesn't seem to be able to stop himself from nearly hyperventilating from just a little more physical contact, which is pathetic and he's sure Gerard can tell, his partner's so close they can probably hear the altered breathing and feel the slight shaking of his body. His theory is quickly proven right when he feels the rumbling of Gerard's low laugh on his ribcage.
"Relax Frankie" they breathe out, Frank can not only hear the smile on their voice, but feels their cheek softly stretching and their lips tugging against the flushed skin of his chest. Now Frank really wants to regulate his breathing, Gerard is trying to relax and Frank should be a relaxing place for him to rest on, not this nervous mess he finds himself in.
Frank takes a deep breath. Then another one, he feels Gerard petting his ribs, moving their palm softly up and down, encouraging him to slow down his heartbeat.
"That's good baby, keep breathing for me." he whispers and turns his face only slightly to press a kiss on Frank's chest. Frank feels the butterflies on his stomach doing gymnastics, he tightens his grip around Gerard and basks in their shared warmth, feeling like he's the luckiest man in the world. He closes his eyes and tries to make his mind remember every single sensation his body can register right now, he wants to engrave this memory on his brain for the rest of his life. Frank sighs content and can't stop himself from giggling a little, so incredibly happy he couldn't stop the high pitched laugh coming out, Gerard smiles on his skin again and snuggles in even closer, if it was possible. Letting out a giddy chuckle of their own.
Frank can't tell for how long they stayed just like that.
Not talking, just breathing in the same slow pace, Frank has to make a conscious effort to stay awake, as not to loose any second of being back together and this close to Gerard after so long, he can sleep later, right now all he could think about is to live in this couch, not moving at all, just stay entangled forever. He wonders if they could make it work, Gerard would have to quit their job, but Frank could still write lyrics on his phone, and he'd probably be able to support them both just by writing for a living... His hazy bubble is popped when he remembers.
"I made coffee" Frank says and Gerard immediately moves around until he can peek through the colar of the shirt, one of his eyes being covered by his hair completely, Frank laughs fondly and stares back at him.
"Can we drink it later? I'm very cozy here" Frank's eyebrows are almost glued to his hairline, Gerard rolls their eyes "yes, I can turn down coffee from time to time, I'm not actually addicted, you know?"
Frank doesn't even pretend to not be surprised, he smiles and tries to lean in to kiss his boyfriend's forehead, but the angle does not allow it, he furrows his eyebrows, making a kissy face and craning his neck again but from how they're laying, there's no way he'd be able to reach Gerard at all, he flops back on the couch frustrated and Gerard snickers, making Frank's frown deepen.
"shutup" he grumbles, then raises on of his hands from Gerard's back and kisses his own palm once, twice, then five more times, for good measure, and presses it on the top of his boyfriend's head through the fabric. Gerard laughs again, but less mocking and more smitten now, Frank can see their face flushing pink before they shuffle around to bury themselves back inside the hoodie.
Frank giggles and grips Gerard harder, he thinks for a second that the sweatshirt will probably never go back to it's original size, but then he decides he doesn't mind, he actually considers only buying clothes big enough so that he and Gerard can fit inside them together from now on. Then he huffs out a laugh at his own touch-starved silly thoughts, slowly letting his mind float back to the semi-conscious comfortable state he was before.
★
Frank ends up sleeping despite his best efforts, he wakes up slowly, blinking in and out of consciousness for a while before awakening fully, when he looks out the window, it's dark out, Gerard is still slotted against him firmly under his sweatshirt, he looks down and though he can't really see Gerard's face, by the lack of snoring he can tell they're not really sleeping, probably because they woke up just a few hours ago. Frank wonders for how long he slept, he pokes Gerard on the ribs softly.
"Gee, are you awake?" he whispers and feels Gerard nodding weakly on his torso. Frank hadn't been able to stop smiling since he got back home, Gerard could tell him to jump out the window and he'd probably nod and walk to his death with a stupid smile on his face, now is no exception, he pokes Gerard again.
"Wanna drink that coffee now?"
That catches their attention properly, Gerard nods again, more eagerly now, and squeezes Frank tightly one last time before they starts to -tragically- wriggle their way out of the very comfortable embrace, slipping out from underneath the fabric of his hoodie.
When Gerard is finally sitting on his lap again, the contrast of temperature seems to hit them, they hugs themselves, remembering they're basically naked, they looks over at Frank with a pitiful pout who quickly sits up too and scrambles to take of his sweatshirt to hand it over to his boyfriend, Gerard doesn't pretend to think about it, they just smile and reache in to grab it, throwing the warm piece of clothing over themselves.
It smells like Frank mostly, but Gerard can feel the scent of his own stupid hair products on the loose crew neck of the hoodie. They get up and walk to the kitchen together, but in no time they're back on the couch, both with lukewarm mugs on their hands, as if they can't even fathom the idea of having a whole table in between them, Frank holds his own coffee near his, now naked, chest. He's leaning on Gerard fully, his cheek pressed on their shoulder as they go through the Netflix catalogue, Gerard doesn't hesitate in picking up on the last episode of The Walking Dead they had stopped on the night prior. Frank has told Gerard multiple times they should watch something different sometime.
Something he's never seen maybe?
To change things up a little bit. But Gerard insists that he likes to know what's going to happen, even if it's probably the fourth time he's watching the show, he doesn't seem to be not even a little bit bored.
Frank huffs out a quiet chuckle.
"Nothing new under the sun huh?" he says teasingly, Gerard smiles wickedly as if they were waiting for Frank to comment on it.
"I don't remember you complaining the last time we watched it together" Gerard answers, faining a false innocence, looking at Frank, batting his eyelashes sweetly as the man nearly choked on his coffee.
"Shut up, please." Frank begs and covers his eyes, his face flushing red, his other hand clutching his mug. Gerard laughs at his embarrassment and presses play on the remote, shuffling to put their head on top of Frank's.
They watch about 15 minutes of the episode before they start talking over it, as if remembering they were allowed to, sharing their stories of the last weeks, talking about all the things they saw in the different places they both had visited. But Frank starts to get tired very fast, regardless of the long nap he just took, if he went to bed now, he'd probably only wake up the next day, obviously he loved performing, but he could never properly rest in between shows.
"Dude, how are you not ready to sleep yet? You don't even seem tired" Frank said after yawning for the third time in a row, Gerard just shrugged and paused the show, he turned his head and pressed a kiss on the man's forehead before getting up, taking both their empty mugs back to the kitchen, Frank groaned annoyed when he got up, as if Gerard was just an annoying, and very comfortable, cushion of the couch that decided to get up and walk.
Frank decided to just get up too, he knew he still wanted to change the sheets before sleeping, so he walked around the coffee table in their living room and went straight to the bedroom. The bed linen set was a white one with light blue flowers in it, Frank thought their bed looked a little like a grandma's when they put it on the first time, but Gerard loved it at the store, and for some godforsaken reason, they loved it even more in their house. Frank was always happy to put anything else in it's place. Not that he'd ever tell his boyfriend that anyway.
He took the matching set off of the mattress and pillows, fishing a fresh one from the higher shelf in the wardrobe. Suspiciously right after he'd done all the hard work of changing the sheets, Gerard entered the room, pressing a quick kiss on Frank's shoulder before heading to the suite's bathroom. Frank was aware they were getting ready to go to bed way earlier than normal, but judging just by how touchy Gerard had been all afternoon, Frank wasn't under the impression they were going to actually sleep any time soon.
Not that he's complaining.