Chapter Text
There he goes again.
San feels a lingering gaze towards him. He takes his iced americano and sips on it, counting the number of seconds Yeosang’s line of sight is fixed on him. On the fifth mark, he turned his head to meet his ever-clueless maltese eyes, but Yeosang was quick enough to look at Mingi instead, who was telling another half-true half-creative story of his. San focused on the Wanteez filming again, but at the back of his mind, he can’t help but wonder what Yeosang thinks every time his eyes find San and stay there.
This wasn’t the first time that Yeosang stared at San intently when he wasn’t looking. In fact, that was the third time already for the day. Wooyoung noticed him and inspected the side of San’s face, wondering if there was some dirt stuck up there. Yeosang responded meekly, “I was just spacing out, sorry.” Wooyoung teased him saying, “San would be too happy if you look at him for too long.” And the boy being talked about just smiled at their conversation, but he knows that Yeosang has something to say to him, he just doesn't have a single clue as to what it was. This thought bothered San for weeks now, and he’s been looking back at their interactions, from the most recent one up to even the previous year. He wonders if he did something wrong that may have bothered Yeosang, but recalls nothing specifically. In fact, San notched down his clinginess and possessiveness of Yeosang especially in front of the cameras ever since the mysterious stares. Amidst the mystery of it all, San tests the water.
To finish their Japan tour and a one-day free time, the members decided to rent a private room to drink sake and eat grilled fish since they will not be visiting the country for a few months after this. San intentionally does not drink a lot to observe Yeosang. Typically, he’d be one of the first few members who’d get red and hot from the liquor, so he does his best to not lose in the drinking games they’ve been playing. Throughout the night, his penalty shots were only three, so Wooyoung gave him an “ugly shot” just for the sake of raising his drink count.
“But I’m really gonna miss you guys.” Hongjoong, who’s had who-knows-how-many drinks, sloppily said.
“What are you talking about, it’s only going to be a week.” Mingi laughs as he sips from his canned beer, pertaining to the week-long vacation they will have once they get back in Korea.
“Alright Hongjoong, give me that beer.” Seonghwa took the beer from Hongjoong’s hand and gulped it empty, disregarding their leader’s whines.
Suddenly, Jongho stood up and exclaimed, “One!”
Wooyoung quickly said, “That’s too boring Jongho- Two!”
“Three!” Then Yunho,
“Four!” Then Mingi, almost tripping over when he stood up. San looked at Seonghwa who was also checking if he would stand up or not. San took this opportunity of Seonghwa not moving an inch to take the next spot instead. However,
“Five!”
“Five!”
Yeosang also stood up the exact time San did. San was so focused on Seonghwa that he did not notice the blonde boy observing as well. The other members laughed at them and started pouring alcohol on two sake cups. They were chanting, “Love shot! Love shot!”
“San is one lucky yeodoongie,” Wooyoung teases. San smiles as he steps towards Yeosang, grabbing the cups Jongho prepared as he passed by.
“Are you drunk? I can take both for you.” San looks at Yeosang with sincerity. He had always been protective of Yeosang even when he did not need to.
“I’m fine, I like this.” Yeosang took the cup in his hand, moving closer so they could link their arms and do a love shot. San followed his lead and downed the liquor, eyes not leaving Yeosang. After taking the shot, San used the opportunity to put Yeosang’s cup away and held his hand instead, following him so they would be seated together.
“Oh, these love birds!” Yunho exclaimed, watching the whole interaction. Jongho just looks at San, who never fails to bewilder him with how straightforward his advances towards Yeosang were.
“Did San finally capture Yeosang’s heart?” Seonghwa quipped.
“Yeosangie, whose are you?” San teases Yeosang.
“I’m Atiny’s.” The latter says, with a playful smile and avoiding eyes.
“Whose are you?”
“I’m yours.” He looked at San this time, and perhaps it was the first time that Yeosang did not stutter when saying that line. San was taken aback and fell silent, a silly thought came into mind, What if he means it? San gets confused, but he tries his best to focus on his members, right hand still intertwined with Yeosang’s left until the time they were wrapping up the party. Yeosang got tipsy-drunk, considering the amount of sake and beer that he gained from his penalties. He was not in a drunken mess, he did promise himself never to repeat the black-out incident where Wooyoung and Jongho had to carry him to his room and dump him on his bed. But, he was wobbly enough for San to offer his shoulder and bring him to his room, which was coincidentally beside San’s own.
When they got inside, San removed his shoes sloppily with his feet while he helped Yeosang remove his in a more careful manner. He assisted Yeosang to reach the nearest chair and went on the counter to grab two glasses of water. Yeosang observes him carefully.
“You did not have to do this, by the way. I can manage by myself.” Yeosang says.
“I know you’re strong and capable, Yeosangie, but you know I love doing things for you. If I can add ‘Yeosang’s slave’ to my position in Ateez, I’d do so.”
Yeosang laughs at how absurd San tends to get whenever he’s flirting with him. Sometimes he thinks that San doesn’t even realize he’s flirting, he just says whatever pops into his brain with full sincerity. He grabs the water San handed him and takes tiny sips from it, in contrast with how San downed his drink with one go. He noticed a tiny flow escaping on the side of San’s mouth, so he stood up and wiped it for him with the back of his thumb, knuckles gently grazing his cheeks. San almost froze on the spot. Yeosang was looking intently at the side of his mouth, and in this very intimate space, San fought all the demons in him to not kiss the man. He held the hand on his cheek instead.
“Do you have anything to say to me?”
Yeosang stares at San’s eyes with his mouth apart by a few millimeters, as if thinking about what to say.
“Thank you?”
San took two seconds to process his response and let out a short laugh. He finds it absurd that he had been worrying about this for weeks now and all Yeosang wanted to say to him was ‘thank you.’ He hugged him for being so adorable and for bringing relief to San. He leans in to kiss the blonde boy’s cheek, but Yeosang tilts his head away in reflex. San notices that Yeosang subtly pulled his head back to position for the kiss, but it might have been just him giving courtesy to him who made an effort to take care of him, and that made San feel bitter. He did not push further and pulled away from the hug. San looked at him one last time before saying “Good night.” Yeosang looks away and greets him back, standing there waiting for San to leave.
San turned around and walked to the door, hand holding the wall for support as he tried to wear his shoes whose laces were still tied due to the sloppy removal earlier. He looks up in the mirror to take a glance at Yeosang once more, but he sees him with his maltese eyes looking at him with his eyebrows curled up, like he does not want San to leave.
Whether San just imagined it or not, he did not care. He threw his shoe back down and reached for the door’s manual lock instead then slid it closed. He turned around in hurried movements and took three long strides toward the puppy-like boy. Yeosang was startled at this and his hands fluttered above his chest like a tiny attempt for defense. San enveloped the guy who now seemed so little in his arms, tightly.
“Can I stay the night?”
After a few seconds of loading, Yeosang finally said a word.
“Sure…” he looked at the door behind him. “Did you really have to lock the door for that?”
San pulled away from the hug to look at him, hands resting on Yeosang's shoulders. He stared at his eyes, investigating how Yeosang looks at him, then down his lips, then his eyes again, then back and forth like he couldn't help it. Yeosang felt flustered and his ears turned red, knowing exactly what San wanted. He does not pull away, so San finally asks.
“Can I kiss you?”
Heart pounding hard, San mustered up all the courage he had as if he was back in his trainee days in KQ. If he says no, he could always brush it off as a joke. Yeosang, who had already expected it, looked away and lowered his hands that were left hanging from their hug. San felt a sting in his chest and a lump form on his throat. That feeling quickly went away as Yeosang placed his hands on San’s waist instead, gently gripping the loose garment on San’s white button up shirt. Yeosang looked at him with innocent eyes and a slight nod, not uttering a word.
San’s brain malfunctioned. He did initiate it, but he did not think about what would happen if he actually agreed. He muttered, “shit,” as the loser in him came out. Can he be blamed? That is Yeosang who was actually giving him permission to kiss him.
San does not know where to start, or what kind of kiss Yeosang allows him to do. So he gently cups his cheek and tilts his head slightly to the left to plant a soft peck on Yeosang’s cheek, and this time, the blonde boy does not flinch. He did shudder at the sensation, though. San then stared at Yeosang’s eyes, hand still on his cheek, the other on his right arm, and Yeosang was still motionless in place, except his breaths started getting more noticeable. They lock eyes for a short while, until San finally inched closer to him. When he sees Yeosang’s eyes flutter shut, he closes the distance between their lips. It was soft, slow, and almost torturous for both of them and their pounding hearts. San pulls a few millimeters away, making sure the ghost of his lips never leaves Yeosang’s, and changes angles so he can kiss every part of his lips. Yeosang made the very slight mistake of gripping San’s waist a little bit tighter, and that was more than enough for San to turn his kisses into hungry, passionate, and urgent ones, as if he was quenching his thirst in a desert. San’s hands are now on Yeosang’s waist and back, pulling him closer as he leans over Yeosang to gain more access to his mouth, the latter locking his arms around San’s neck to prevent himself from falling. Yeosang’s kisses were awkward, like he does not know what to do and he’s only trying his best to keep up with San’s movements. San notices this and tries to keep himself tame, but the thought of it ending once he pulls away scares him. He only does so, when Yeosang almost bit his own tongue after their teeth knocked with each other.
“Sorry… I couldn’t stop myself.” San says in between ragged breaths. Yeosang shakes his head.
“I’m sorry… I don’t know how to do this.” Yeosang shyly says, panting and hiding the lower half of his face with the back of his hand. San furrowed his brow because of two things: Yeosang apologizing for something so trivial, and Yeosang extremely turning him on that he had to battle his own mind to gain self-control. He snaps, however, when Yeosang looks back at him with eyes asking if it’s over. Again, whether he misinterpreted it or not, he does not care.
“Jump for me real quick.” Before Yeosang could fully understand it, San grabs the back of his knees and lifts it up, forcing Yeosang to hop off the ground on reflex and lock his legs behind San’s back.
“You don’t have to know anything, I’ll make sure you’ll learn from me and only from me.” San speaks before they were mouth to mouth again. Yeosang was too conscious about too many things: his weight, his scent, where San was touching him, how San was kissing him, and how he was kissing San back. San is now more considerate towards his blonde boy and allows Yeosang to adjust to his tongue movements and find his own pace. He walks towards the bed carefully and lowers themselves, one knee on the bed and the other leg stretched out to touch the floor. He breaks the kiss to place Yeosang on the bed and position his knees on both his sides, hovering over Yeosang. Yeosang felt intimidated, but was distracted by the way San’s necklace was dangling over him and his half-unbuttoned shirt was revealing his chiseled chest and abdomen. He gulped.
“San…”
“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna fuck you tonight.” San whispered in his ear as he placed soft kisses along his ears to his jaw. Yeosang was so flustered with San’s choice of words. Yeosang says the ‘fuck’ frequently but he’s never heard it directly in this context. Also, he just confirmed that if they ever do fuck in the future, he would be the one receiving. He blushed at his own thoughts.
“What are you thinking about, baby? Am I boring you?”
“Ah, no, I just– ah-!” Yeosang was taken aback when San brushed a curious thumb over his chest. San smirked hearing that and got himself busy with leaving a trail of soft kisses over Yeosang’s skin as he moved from his jaw to his neck then down to his chest, playing with his nipples using his hand on the left and mouth on the right, all without removing the shirt Yeosang was in.
“Sannie, that feels weird,” San looked up at Yeosang whose face was painted with pleasure. He sucked on his nipple hard for once last time before going back to kissing Yeosang, his hips lowering to touch Yeosang’s. Once they were on each other’s tongues again, San pressed his groin over Yeosang’s, the other instantly whimpering at the pressure, hand clenching on San’s chest. San kept doing this, gradually increasing the speed and pressure of his movements. Yeosang pulls away from the kiss as he cannot concentrate on moving his lips anymore.
“Sannie, it hurts,” Yeosang looks at him with tearful, begging eyes. San utters a low “fuck” as he unbuckles his belt and unzips his pants. Yeosang’s hands find his own bottoms and removed it halfway, freeing his throbbing length just a few seconds before San’s own falls on him, a few centimeters longer and thicker than his.
“Fuck, I’m so turned on right now. I’ve only ever imagined seeing this.” Again, San was speaking without thinking, but his words affected Yeosang so much that it jumped a tiny bit. San smirked and took both of their dicks in his hand, an immediate groan slipping out from both of their mouths. San’s strokes were firm, picking up the pace from where they left with their dry humping.
San buried his head in Yeosang’s neck and his mouth rested on its skin, kissing and sucking as he felt the heat in his lower half intensify. Yeosang’s fingers stopped San’s lips.
“Not there-” The words barely formed in Yeosang’s mouth. San understood and moved his kisses downwards from Yeosang's pressed hand, making sure to swipe his tongue on Yeosang’s fingers and palm before roughly lifting the blonde boy’s shirt, a ripping sound heard before it revealed pale skin and tight muscles. Hurriedly, San’s mouth found consolation in Yeosang’s chest, not waiting a second before sucking hard on the skin around his nipple.
“San it’s too–” Yeosang clenched both of San’s biceps at the sensation, his body wanting to push him away but his mind wanting to pull him closer. San, nearing his climax, sat up to get a better view of Yeosang. The sudden movement caused the latter to accidentally leave a trail of scratch marks in San’s arms.
“Yeosang, you’re mine.” San gently wrapped the fingers of his free hand on Yeosang’s neck, thumb rubbing on its side up to his jaw.
“San-ah, I’m–!” Yeosang’s hand flew to the tips of their dicks for more stimulation. He’s so close to releasing. Granting the unspoken pleads, San picked up the pace.
“San-ah!” Yeosang’s voice cracked as he whimpered in pleasure. Both of them were shuddering and panting hard, tears forming in Yeosang’s eyes as he was overwhelmed with everything. He was overstimulated, but in a way that he does not want to complain about.
“Shit, I’m sorry, Yeosang. Don’t cry.” San’s pleasure was replaced with worry as he saw the boy beneath him. Yeosang immediately shook his head, eyes closed, embarrassed to even look at San.
“It’s not that…” He opens his eyes. “I was just overwhelmed. It felt so good…”
San might’ve blushed over his words. He smiled and removed his shirt to wipe the cum on their bodies before it dries down. He threw the shirt on the ground and slumped down beside Yeosang in his bed, placing an arm around him. Yeosang, however, blushed at the sight of long streaks along San’s arm, red and swelling.
“You do have long sleeve shirts in your suitcase, right?”
San peeked at what Yeosang was looking at and chuckled at the sight. It was the first, and hopefully not the last, mark that the latter left on him and if only they weren’t public figures, San would’ve wished it would scar and become a reminder of this day for him. He placed a quick kiss on Yeosang’s cheek as he made a mental note of buying scar cream and an ointment before their flight.
San feels Yeosang’s breaths getting deeper and quieter, so he glanced at him and found him falling asleep.
“Sangie, we have to wash up. Should we shower together?”
Yeosang shudders at the thought and musters the energy to open his eyes and shake his head no. San chuckles and says “I’m kidding.” He wasn’t.
Before Yeosang could close his eyes again, San stands up and stares at Yeosang’s body, his hand trailing the side of his stomach to feel his warmth– to ensure that what he sees is real and not just in his fantasy. The quiet moan escaping Yeosang’s lips as his thumb found his nipple was confirmation that it was indeed reality. He stares at the dark marks he left at the pale skin of Yeosang’s chest like a proud masterpiece. Before he could get hard again, San smiled and offered Yeosang his hand, urging him to get up as well. Yeosang groaned but took his hand, nonetheless.
San, unable to resist his urges, pulls Yeosang into a soft kiss again.
“Yeosang, I love you.”
Yeosang couldn’t say anything, instead, he looked around at literally any object his eyes could land on except San.
“Yeosang-ah, I love you.” This time, with the playful warning tone of his so that Yeosang would finally look at him and say it back.
“Alright, I… I love you too.”