Chapter Text
Josh was abruptly woken up by a figure fidgeting beside him. With a small groan, he turned his head towards it and blinked a couple times. He was huddled against the window, attempting to get some rest during the flight, but it wasn’t so easy with Dallon constantly jittering next to him.
“Dal, could you please stop,” he groaned with annoyance. “Some of us are actually trying to sleep here.”
“Sorry man, it’s just so uncomfortable here,” the dark-haired man complained, trying to find the position in which his knees weren’t painfully pressed against the seat in front of him.
“Yeah, they should have probably thought about the fucking trees travelling by plane,” Josh mumbled rubbing his eyes and adjusted his pillow in the gap between his seat and the wall. “How long was I asleep?” He turned his head and looked out the window, hoping to see anything other than perfectly blue sky and clouds covering everything below them. But yet again, the world was against him.
Dallon only winced, trying to get his phone out of his pocket. “About 2 hours? Man, I am so bored,” he whined, visibly annoyed by the perspective of spending the next hour or so cramped like that. “Who the hell convinced me to spend half of my day here? I’m actually fucking struggling to keep the blood circulation in my legs, ugh.”
“Excuse me, nobody convinced you. I’ve been forced to hear you going on and on about how nothing was keeping you in LA anymore for the past two weeks, and you decided to fly back home with me, so please, stop whining, Dal,” Josh scoffed, a tiny smile playing on his lips. Of course that didn’t make Dallon any less annoying, as he decided to occupy himself by asking Josh the most uncomfortable and difficult questions he could think of.
“You know, I’ve been thinking, since we’re going to live in your hometown and I’m gonna meet all your friends, maybe you can introduce me to that mysterious someone that made you run away in the first place, hm? I’d love to get to know them, I bet we’d make great friends,” he rambled, grinning at the scowl creeping across Josh’s face. Oh, how he loved teasing his friend.
“Shut up,” Josh cut him off before turning his head back towards the window, anger and anxiety bubbling away inside of him. He didn’t want to talk about Tyler and he had a damn good reason for it. And Dallon knew that too damn well.
Even though it had been eight months, relationship with the doe-eyed, brown-haired boy wasn’t something he could erase from his memory as easily as everyone would have thought.
It was… Intense. Passionate. It was fucking perfect.
Their eight-year age difference never mattered; in fact it strengthened their bond. Tyler needed taking care of and Josh was more than happy being able to do it. He loved this little boy with all his heart and he wanted to give Tyler everything he deserved.
And in the end, he failed him. He was such a fucking idiot.
Ever since their last meeting Josh had been catching himself reliving their short but blissful time together. He wasn’t able to forget his angel’s smile, his laugh, his beautiful voice, his touch.
Josh wasn’t able to count how many times he had to resist the urge to call Tyler. Just to hear him, to find out how he was doing. But he was well-aware that Tyler wouldn’t want to talk to him, he probably would even pick up his phone. And Josh couldn’t say it would surprise him.
He couldn’t and he probably never would get that image Tyler’s tears and that hurt, heartbroken look on his beautiful face out of his head.
Nevertheless, he had never deleted Tyler’s number from his phone.
But he’d finished his job in L.A. and he’d missed Ohio. Part of him was even happy to come back when he thought that at least his friends were waiting for him back home.
Suddenly, he was torn from his thoughts as Dallon plopped into his seat. He got so distracted that he hasn’t even noticed he had left.
“Oh my God, finally!” the taller man grunted, fastening his seat belt and almost immediately laughed, meeting a confused look from his right side. “Really man, you should stop thinking so much, it’ll kill you one day. They said that we’re gonna be landing soon.” He pointed his finger at the speaker above their heads.
Josh only nodded and shifted in his seat.
“Home, sweet home,” he sighed inwardly. He honestly didn’t know if he was more excited or anxious.
The plane landed about half an hour later and before long the two of them were heading towards the airport exit. When they finally got out of the airport, Josh smiled involuntarily, looking around.
“So! Welcome to Columbus, bud.” He grinned at his friend.
“Oh man, this is gonna be so sick, I can’t wait to start fresh here. As they say, new place, new people, new life!” Dallon yelled cheerfully, walking towards the taxi stand. Josh couldn’t help but laugh at his friend’s excitement as they were putting their numerous suitcases in the trunk of the big car.
“Yeah, I hope you’ll like it here. I can’t fuckin’ wait for us to meet with my friends, man, I haven’t seen them in so long.” Josh rambled after giving the driver his address.
He stayed in touch with the closest of them – Mark, Pete, Patrick, and Brendon, but even though they talked over the phone at least once a week, he’d missed them like hell. They’ve been practically inseparable since high school. While Brendon, Patrick, and Pete had been his best friends since the teenage years, he and Mark met at MIT and quickly became very close friends.
It was already dark outside when they finally pulled up in front of Josh’s house. It was a really nice neighborhood with beautiful, mainly two-story houses and clean-cut lawns.
Getting out of the cab Josh thought it was a true blessing that Dallon decided to come along, even for a couple of weeks. He couldn’t imagine how empty the house would have felt if he had to start living here again by himself. Sure, Dallon was stubborn, nosy as fuck, and sometimes acted like the world’s biggest smartass, but Josh would be lying if he said he didn’t appreciate his presence. After all, they’ve become friends during Josh’s first week in LA.
After paying the driver, they grabbed their bags and entered the house. Josh sighed deeply and looked around; everything was pretty much the same as when he left.
Well, not everything.
He couldn’t not notice the absence of few things, things that all those months back would have immediately reminded him of home.
It was overwhelming, really, not to see that tiny guitar on the couch, that pastel pink blanket draped over the armchair, clothes scattered around the room. But it was the silence which his angel’s voice laugh should be filling, and the dullness of the house that his twinkly doe-eyes should be lighting up that felt the most unbearable.
He was going to have to get used to it, eventually.
“Josh, you okay?”
He turned his head towards Dallon and suddenly realized that the entire time he hasn’t said a single word to him. He let out a small, humorless laugh as the taller man watched him in confusion.
“Yeah, sure, um. Come with me, I’ll show you around.” Josh beckoned Dallon to follow him.
The house wasn’t as ridiculously big as the other ones in the neighborhood nor as fancy and luxurious as someone would’ve expected from such renowned architect, most of the time planning and designing those all-glass-and-steel fancy buildings.
It was very cozy, in all shades of browns, beiges and whites. Long hallway was illuminated by dimmed little wall lights, leading to the living room with three brown and cream sofas in the middle of the room, glass coffee table, giant flat TV hanging on the wall, modern fireplace, bright and fluffy carpet, and an enormous floor-to-ceiling glass door, leading to even bigger backyard. The room was open to the big, white marble kitchen.
“You have a really nice house, J.” Dallon said, his eyes roaming around the space and nodding appreciatively.
“Thanks.” Josh smiled. He knew how hard it was to get any compliment from such a perfectionist as Dallon. Not to mention such a talented painter. “So, the bathroom's right there.” he pointed at the door on the left wall of the hallway. “And the bedrooms are upstairs, so we should probably take our stuff, at least the essentials.”
Taking all their bags with them right now would be probably the dumbest idea, considering how drained they were from the journey; after all Josh has lived across the country for quite a long time and Dallon had to take pretty much everything he owned, apart from his furniture.
“Let’s do it!” Dallon cheered, clapping his hands together.
Once the two of them carried their necessities to their rooms, they both took quick showers and Dallon decided to call it a night. Despite his physical exhaustion, Josh didn’t feel all that tired just yet; or maybe it was the prospect of sleeping in that large bed of his that felt so unappealing that he wanted to put it off for as long as he could.
Dressed in grey sweatpants and a stretched out t-shirt, he went downstairs to refamiliarize himself with the house. There had been a time when he felt really happy here, when he envisioned himself starting a family and growing old with the boy that had stolen his heart.
But now?
He didn’t feel a shred of joy walking down the hallway, even though it was filled with pictures that should remind him of happy times.
As his eyes wandered the photos gracing the wall, his attention was drawn to a small photo frame that stood out from the rest; a white, wooden one with a red heart painted in the corner of the frame.
With his outstretched arm propping him against the wall, he let out a deep sigh, studying the photo for what felt like hours, feeling his eyes welling up a little.
“Fuck, Ty…” he breathed weakly, trailing a finger down the boy’s photographed face, his eyes looking back at him, his mouth open, grinning from ear to ear, his body pressed tightly against his own.
He remembered the exact moment when it was taken. They’d been at a bonfire at Pete and Patrick’s cabin by the lake, having a party for no particular occasion. One of their happiest days together.
And those days were gone now.
Blinking the tears away, he looked up at the ceiling and cleared his throat. Nothing could be done now. He’d made a terrible mistake and he had to live with it now. It was his punishment. To live on without this fragile boy lighting up his world.
With a last, deep sigh he walked back upstairs and into his bedroom, his eyes resting at his ridiculously big, platform bed. The thought of sleeping here alone had never been so depressing before.
After shutting the lights off, he stripped off his shirt and got under the covers. Surrounded by nothing but overwhelming silence, he stared at the ceiling for a longer while, as he couldn’t help but dwell on how much of a fucking screw-up he was.
He used to have everything he could’ve ever wanted and he’d thrown it all away. There was no way he could ever forgive himself doing that, not only he’d rejected the only thing that’d been making him happy but he’d hurt the only person in the world he’d sworn to protect.
For the sake of his sanity, he tried to push those thoughts to the back of his mind, willing himself to focus on the soft pillows and fall asleep as soon as possible.
His body was exhausted, but his mind was wide awake.
This was going to be one of those nights, Josh knew it.