Chapter Text
Mualani slammed her hand onto her alarm clock. It was too early to get up. Her phone rang just as she settled back down, giving her no choice but to suck it up and answer. She noticed Chasca's caller ID as she lazily pressed the answer option.
"Chasca?" She groggily greeted her friend.
"I'm at your door."
Mualani jolted up. "You're what? Right now? What time is it?"
"I'm kidding. I just said that to wake you up. You're not forgetting what today is, are you?"
Mualani calmed down, her mind running trying to remember what made today so special. Her eyes landed on a sketch of her hanging on the wall, and her heart sank for a bit. She stared at it for a while, taking in the aging paper and skilled strokes. The artist was long gone, but she still felt as though she were back at that moment. A tranquil day back in high school, when life was simpler—when life was kinder.
"You okay?" Chasca's voice cut her trail of thought off. Her saving grace, honestly, because if she continued thinking, she'd start feeling even more down in the dumps.
It was his death anniversary. The day a flower she loved so dear withered—died by his own hand. The day her dear edelweiss plucked himself off of the ground, plummeting down from the high peaks he grew from into a deep darkness she could never reach. No, a darkness she could have reached had she been more perceptive, yet she failed to notice him wilting before her very eyes. Before she realized it, he had decided to uproot himself. In the blink of an eye, he was gone—like a petal that could be easily crushed by the brush of a hand.
"Mualani?"
"Oh, right... sorry. Zoned out for a bit. I'll get ready now."
Chasca arrived shortly after. She looked at her best friend with something akin to pity, tinged slightly with guilt. Six years, she recalled. Her best friend's first love died six years ago, and she was still unable to move on. She knew how badly Mualani tried to recover, how badly she wanted to get the grieving part of mourning over with. She saw the way she grieved, avoided visiting his grave so that she wouldn't have to face the reality that he was gone for good, the reality that would never give him back to her no matter how many tears she cried, apologies she said, or curses she spewed. The cruelty of life had taken him away, and Chasca witnessed the aftermath.
"Is this stupid?" Mualani asked, playing with the chord of her bag.
"What is?"
"I didn't attend his wake, nor his funeral. I didn't even visit the hospital when they were letting us. I haven't visited his grave at all, nor did I even keep anything he gave me. Not a picture, not a gift, no videos... nothing! Chasca, I can't even remember his faceI!" She stopped in her tracks, looking down and clutching her bag tightly. "But here I am, waltzing to his grave six years after I should've said goodbye. I couldn't even apologize to him properly for what I said that day."
Chasca shook her head. "It's part of grief."
"I hate it."
"It's inevitable."
"Why should it be?" Mualani let go of her bag chord. Chasca couldn't reply. How would she? Sure, she experienced this grief when her little sister died, but she didn't know the answer to that either. Why should living beings grieve? Why can't their brains just spare them the agony by shutting it out completely? Mualani didn't know, nor did Chasca.
Mualani sighed. "I thought it'd be easier for now. I though that, since six years already passed, I wouldn't be reacting this way."
Chasca hugged her. "We don't have to go if you're not ready to face him. We haven't gone too far from your house, after all."
"No," Mualani said, "I've been putting this off for far too long."
"Attagirl. Come on, let's go get some flowers."
They walked to the flower shop. Nobody knew what his favorite flowers were, not even Mualani. That part stung, at least that's what Chasca thinks. The summer always reminded Mualani of him, the same way flowers did. He was her flower, after all—her edelweiss. Mualani had picked an assortment of lilies, edelweiss, and gladioli. Flowers that symbolize rebirth and strength, things her beloved reminded her of that he himself did not think possible.
The walk to the graveyard was silent, a somber atmosphere with a fragile sense of serenity that neither dared interrupt. Mualani tried and failed to strike up a conversation. She was desperate for something, anything that could distract her for just a moment. She's glad Chasca agreed to accompany her, but she carried a sense of guilt for dragging her around. Chasca was never close to him anyway, so why would she bother to go?
"Hey, watch it!"
She almost walked into a man in a wheelchair. A man who looked too familiar, with that messy haircut and bandana.
"Kinich?"
The man was taken aback, that name clearly stirring something inside of him. He balled his hands into fists. "I'm not–"
"Oh, Mualani, Chasca! Hi!" A girl with blond hair came out of a nearby coffee shop. She was around 16, with blue eyes teeming with wonder, highlighted further by the yellow visor on her head. Her name was Kachina, a frequent visitor of the art studio. She mostly kept to herself but she had a knack for sculpting and drawing gems.
Mualani practically jumped on the opportunity to not think about him right now. Kachina handed the man (who she now recalls as Ajaw from Class A back in high school) a cup of coffee.
"Heya, kiddo. How've you been?" Chasca rubbed her hair. Six years had already passed, yet she still remained shorter than her.
"I'm good. I was just about to visit my brother with Ajaw."
"Oh? I didn't know you have a brother!"
Suddenly, Kachina went silent. She shifted for a bit before she mumbled something. Chasca and Mualani looked at her, wondering what she just said. "Had," she mumbled again.
"Had a brother," Ajaw interviened. Kachina looked at him with wide eyes before turning back to them. Mualani thought about those words for a moment before it clicked. Suddenly, she found herself handing Chasca the bouquet and patting Kachina on the head, a habit she formed at the art studio.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, it's fine. I was ten when we lost him. He was the best brother I could've ever asked for," she said, her eyes genuine and full of pure adoration. It was clear in her voice that she cared a lot for her brother.
"Well, we were also headed to the graveyard to visit someone. Why don't we walk you there? It'd be nice to have some company, no?" Chasca offered.
"That's a great idea. If it's not too much, maybe you can tell us more about your brother."
Kachina accepted the offer almost immediately. Ajaw grumbled, but didn't protest it. Chasca had offered to push his wheelchair but he declined, preferring to navigate it himself. Kachina began to talk about her brother. How he loved extreme sports, how he was always top of his class, how he was always so, so, so kind to her. She talked about how she could see how hurt he really was, how he was struggling with himself but did everything he could do give her the best childhood he could've given her. She talked about how one day, she was planning his birthday party, then the next, he was gone.
"Mint chocolate chip was always his favorite. When I was a kid, Uncle Pacal told me that sometimes, dead people miss their favorite food in the afterlife. I'm too old to be believing in that stuff now, but I guess the habit of bringing his favorite drink from the café stuck with me. I like thinking that maybe this is how I can repay him for all he did to me."
Ajaw scoffed. "Don't listen to her, she just wanted a quick mocha before we left."
"That-That's not true!"
"By the way, you never mentioned his name."
"You already know it."
They all paused, looking at Ajaw. "What? You already said it. When you almost bumped into me."
The realization dawned on Mualani. The back of her head echoed with a voice: "I'm doing all this for my little sister," it said. A voice that reminded Mualani of the summer, of the edelweiss flowers that only grew from the highest peaks she could imagine, of the freedom that defined Natlan.
"You brother, was... was his name Kinich?"
Kachina's eyes widened. "Yeah... so, you knew him?"
Mualani nodded. Kachina's lips quivered. The rest of the walk was silent. When they arrived at his grave, Kachina knelt down.
"Here, mint chocolate chip, your favorite," she whispered. Mualani put the flowers next to it. The tombstone had his name engraved on it. She couldn't help but stare at the date of birth and date of death. He was only nineteen. He would've been twenty-five tomorrow.
"He was older than me by nine years. To think that in four years, I'd be the older one. If I'm being completely honest, he knew me like the back of his hand but I barely knew him. I don't know what he would have been thinking up until his final moments."
"Maybe I can provide some insight?"
Kachina turned to Mualani. She had a small smile on her face.
"I knew your brother too. We can always talk at the art studio. But, I'll need a favor in return. I don't have any more pictures or videos of him. He used to be my muse, and I want to draw something for him."
"Consider it done," Ajaw said. Everyone looked at him. "What? He was annoying and kept taking selfies whenever I left my phone unattended. I've got plenty."
Kachina took the offer.
That night, Ajaw sent Mualani a lot of pictures. But, no matter how many times she tried to picture the sketch, the face always felt wrong. She had the materials, so why? What's wrong with it?
She thought back to high school. Maybe a trip down memory lane would help her visualize things?