Chapter Text
You
It felt like pressure was coming on all sides of my skull.
I was worried if I moved too hard, my head might explode, which was a tad bit concerning.
"What is two plus two?"
My eyes, which felt like they had been practically sealed shut, ached as I opened them. There was white, everywhere. The light was overwhelming, and made my temples throb. I wanted to cry, but my throat was so dry that just gasping for air was like choking.
"Incorrect. What is two plus two?"
I rolled over, my body curling up in a fetal position as I laid on my side, pulling out IV's haphazardly. As I coughed, a bit of blood dripped down the corner of my mouth, and I shrugged to rub it on my shoulder. My elbows wobbled as I pushed myself up. I didn't recognize where I was, more than likely because my eyes were still adjusting.
"Incorrect." I groaned. "What is two plus two?"
"Four-" I choked out. My voice didn't sound like my own.
"Correct! What is your na-"
"Armando."
A voice cut through, and I whipped my head around. I knew that voice, I could never forget that voice. I may have been disoriented but nothing would have stopped me from recognizing him.
Ryland Grace walked toward me, rubbing his palms, which knowing him were probably sweaty, on his shirt as he reached me. He put one hand, cold, against my forehead, and with the other gently grabbed my chin, examining me. "Armando, I got it from here."
"Okay, Dr. Grace." The robotic arm slinked up into the ceiling.
Ryland helped me finish pulling myself out of the bag they had me laying in, and continued his examination. He was always weirdly head strong, especially for a man as awkward as he was. His name being Grace was pretty ironic. "I'm Ryland Grace, you must be..." he trailed off, looking down at the label on the bag we had abandoned. "Your mind is probably pretty foggy, it's taken me a couple days to gather my bearings - and I still don't remember much." He walked over to grab a bottle of water from a cabinet and offered it to me. As I turned the cap to drink, I was stopped by the feeling of his thumb near the corner of my mouth, gently rubbing off the blood I had failed to remove.
His touch was so warm, so familiar. His dorky, lopsided smile and stupid science t-shirts... but something was off.
His eyes were unusually distant. He never looked at me like that. He was still his sweet and charming self, but in a withdrawn kind of way. Like he knew he knew me, but he didn't remember knowing me.
Holy shit, he didn't remember me.
"Try to remain calm, but we are in space. Our ship is called the-"
"Hail Mary." My voice was a bit steadier. I sounded more sure, and more like myself. The past several minutes, I had regained pretty much all awareness, as if I had woken up from a very very long nap, and I was fully present now.
"The Hail Mary. We're on our way, unless we've already arrived, to Tau Ceti. Our sun is dying, which means humanity is dying with it, and we're on a crazy suicide mission to save it." I laughed softly, reaching up to run a hand through my hair, to which I soon discovered was ratty, and quite long now. I awkwardly raked my fingers through it, and could only imagine how insane I looked.
"How did you..." Ryland was kneeled before me, head propped on one hand as he leaned against my pod. "You remember? Everything?" I nodded.
"You don't?" That was a stupid question, I had already known that. I could tell by the way he was acting towards me, his body language, his distance... but also because he had told me. Kind of. I still don't remember much. How much was much? What exactly didn't he remember? Me, clearly, which meant a big chunk of information. Did he know about this mission and all we were supposed to do? I mean, I knew comas could cause disorientation and memory loss, but most of that was due to brain injury, and these comas were medically induced.
"Wait- did you say suicide mission?"
Fuck. I bit my lip, wincing. "You... didn't find that part out yet, did you?"
He sunk back onto his heels, running a hand through his hair. Those glasses of his hung by his jaw loosely. "We... we weren't supposed to return?"
With a sigh, I shook my head.
Ryland and I sat there in silence for a few moments. I studied his face, not moving a muscle, but his eyes were busy. I could see his thoughts going a mile a minute, combing through every fragment of memory he had to try and reason with the news. The poor guy just relearned he was going to die, here, in space. I gave him as much time as he needed.
After what felt like 5 minutes of pure quiet, he looked up at me. His lips formed a sad half smile. "I didn't know if you were going to wake up." He pushed his glasses up so they perched on his nose. "Yao, the other astronaut with us, died. I hosted a uh- funeral for him. Yesterday, actually."
My shoulders slumped, and a frown tugged at my lips. I felt like crying - partially in mourning to the loss of Yao, but also in fear. He was our commander, and our pilot. Neither me, nor Ryland knew how to fly a spaceship.
"That was very thoughtful of you." I met Ryland's gaze, and reached out to place my hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure you honored him very well."
His jaw clenched, tears pricking his eyes. He fluttered them away.
Oh my sweet boy.
"I didn't know if you were going to wake up." He repeated his previous statement. "I'm... I'm really glad you did." He chuckled softly. "Ya know, if we're going to die up here at least we aren't alone."
I smiled, laughing softly. He always had a way of doing that. Taking a situation that was straight from hell and putting a smile on your face. I had heard a couple years ago that he went into teaching. I never got to witness it, but I can only imagine - he would've made such a good teacher. He had that natural ease to him. He was brilliant, of course, but there was a type of charming aloofness, a curiosity. He was personable, and warm. He knew when to tease and when to comfort... he was the best.
Ryland pulled me back to reality with a gentle utterance of my name. "You okay?" He chuckled, standing up and brushing himself off. He offered me a hand. "How about I give you some time to freshen up. You've only been sleeping what- four years?" He winked, and with a small wave, walked off.
I pressed my hand against my chest and took a deep breath. The second he was out of sight, it was like my heart was going a million miles a minute.
I was here, in space, with Ryland. The man who I truly believed I could not live my life without, and he didn't remember me. I wanted to touch him, to feel him, to kiss him. He remembered nothing. I knew what I signed up for coming here, but being here was completely different. I was really going to die up here. Probably due to starvation, if not by some freak accident. We were in fucking space, anything was bound to happen. And on top of wrestling with that reality, I couldn’t even… I couldn’t talk to him, or interact with him, in all the ways I wanted to. The ways my body was naturally inclined to. I had made the mistake of growing so comfortable with him when we were on earth, not knowing all of that would change.
I couldn't stop the tears from falling. They were quiet, and controlled, but my lip quivered and breath was uneven. My hands shook as I combed my hair, washing my scalp so hard that my fingers ached. I peeled my clothes off, tossing them aside, and stepped in front of the mirror. I was slightly discolored, and had a couple bruises on the sides of my arms and legs where I had been strapped in. There’s no telling the amount of pressure we underwent on this flight, journeying millions of miles. Farther than any human had gone before.
I scrubbed and wiped at every inch of my body, over and over and over again – trying and pleading to feel like myself again.
After what was probably 30 minutes or so, I pulled out the bag from under my pod and found a pair of clothes. It was simple – a thin long sleeve and some trousers. I shook my hair into a towel, and left it down, the ends once again gathering moisture and dripping onto the back of my shirt.
I could hear Ryland playing music somewhere off in the ship, and followed it. It had been a long, long time since I had seen the inside of the Hail Mary, but it all felt vaguely familiar. He was sitting in a rolling chair, legs propped up, with his computer open and blasting The Beatles, humming along.
"Hey-"
He jumped at the sound of my voice.
"Sorry, I haven't... had someone else on here the past few days so. Not quite used to that." He chuckled, adjusting his glasses.
I smiled. "No, that's pretty understandable." The laugh we shared cut through the tension a bit. He was probably still feeling off about all this, which was valid concerning the circumstances he was under. No memory would scare me too.
"Do you uh- want some?" He shook a small bag in his hand and then turned his body toward me, extending his arm.
Sour skittles.
Of course he was eating sour skittles.
“Ya want some?”
There was a boy sitting in my seat.
I had never seen him before, and by the looks of it – his slouch, and messy blonde hair, and awkwardly large glasses – I would remember if I had.
In his hand, he clutched a half-eaten bag of sour skittles. I never was big on sour things. I remember when these first dropped in stores. He must’ve figured that out by the slight scrunch of my nose, because his arm withdrew slightly.
“My bad,” he chuckled, a bit awkward. There was a lot of awkwardness to him, I was gathering.
I heard my name called, and my head turned. His did as well. I raised my hand and gave a slight wave towards the teacher who sponsored our robotics club. He tipped his pen at me and checked off my name.
“Well, it’s nice to officially meet you!”
I looked back. The blonde boy was still there.
His smile was a bit large for his face. Braces. “I’m Ryland. I uh- just moved here. Schools. I just moved schools. I’ve lived in North Carolina my entire life.” A corner of his mouth dropped, leaving a sweet little half smile. That look earned him a smile of my own.
“It’s nice to meet you, too.”
He noticed I was still standing in front of his desk – my desk – and once realizing, he quickly scattered to get me a chair. He stood up, reaching to pull a chair up for me. He was about my height, a bit scrawny, and– oh my god, what is he wearing?
His shirt was stupid, but in a funny way? If you’re 30, at least. Much less for 15-year-olds. It read “Mondays are Pterrible” with a photo of a pterodactyl plastered on it. He must’ve noticed I was staring, because he ran a hand through his hair and pushed his glasses up with a chuckle.
“It’s not even Monday.” I tilted my head to the side.
He blushed.
I would never admit it out loud… but he was a bit cute like that. Blushing, glasses crooked and hair messy, standing in his dorky shirt with his skinny arms and acne. There was something that was charming about it all.
That pulled a blush out of me.
“Alright scientists, is everyone ready to get started?” Dr. Klein dropped a box onto a desk in the front. There were about 10 of us in the room, and each of our heads turned. “Now, we have a new student joining us, so everyone make Mr. Grace feel comfortable.”
Ryland coughed a little, tucking his hands into his front pockets with a smile.
“He was part of his last school’s robotics team, which means he is gonna help us kick their asses at FRC this year!” Dr. Klein winked, and then tipped the box over. A bunch of… legos. “We have a month until the competition begins. Then we have six weeks. So I suggest that we begin building our skills so we’re properly prepared when the official challenge begins.”
We all came forward, rummaging through the lego pieces, wheels, axels, etc. Amongst the pieces were motors. “Break into partners and design a vehicle that you think can cross every type of bridge, gap, terrain, whatever. I will create several paths they will have to travel through, and the group that can clear the most will get to be co-captains for FRC.”
Murmurs broke out among the group. Captain was high stakes. They got to delegate roles, make any final design decisions… It was a big deal.
A gentle call of my name pulled my attention.
“Hey,” Ryland said with that same half smile. He ran his tongue over his braces beneath his closed lips, and pushed his glasses up. “Do you wanna be partners?”
“I promise I won’t offer you any more sour candy.”
I giggled. And then put my hand over my mouth, the fabric sleeve warm against my face. He smiled at that, tilting his head and watching me intently. I didn’t like that very much. He was looking too closely. I didn’t know what to do when people looked too closely.
My voice was quiet, but still had warmth to it. “Yeah, sure… that sounds fun.”
Ryland and I took our seats next to one another, pushing two desks together in the back corner of the classroom. Dr. Klein walked around, observing the groups as we all quietly discussed our plans to win. It was weird not working as a big group for once, and this was probably the quietest this club had been. I preferred it this way, honestly. It was easier to get words out when it was one on one.
The next hour was like that. Ryland and I sitting with our heads together, talking in hushed tones, clicking pieces together. He and I fell into a pretty good rhythm. He had a wonderful understanding of physics, and talked about all the ideals we would want our machine to accomplish. I had the role of designing a machine that successfully reached those ideals.
It felt comfortable. And surprisingly well communicated.
“Okay, I think this is a pretty good plan!”
He pushed his glasses up as he looked at me. “Do you wanna meet after school again this week to work on it?”
I nodded, and reached into my bag to pull out my fairly beat up motorola. It was silver, and I had plastered stickers to the backside of it. I handed it to Ryland, and he typed in his number.
“I don’t have a cell, but this is my home phone. If I don’t answer it, my mom will, and I’ll call you back when I can.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I should go. Mom’s making meatloaf. See you tomorrow?”
I nodded with a shy smile, and he slung his back pack over his shoulder. With one last wave he ducked out of the door.
Awkward. Intelligent. Somehow, charming.
I didn’t know it then, but that name would mean so much more to me than I could’ve ever anticipated.
Ryland Grace.