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Up until the moment he reached the door of his house, Tommy wasn't sure he was really going to leave. He'd been planning with Techno for weeks, ironing out every last detail of how this would go, aligning schedules and figuring out the perfect day so he'd have the most time possible before his parents realized anything was wrong. It all felt like a dream, though. Like none of it was real. Everything he cared about was packed into a backpack and a suitcase, and he'd carried it down the stairs in the dark, avoiding the steps that squeaked, and stood waiting by the door now.
This couldn't be real.
Through the front window, he saw a set of headlights swing onto their street. That would be Techno. The lights disappeared as the car reached the edge of the window. The hum of the engine got louder as it approached, until it pulled into the driveway and died away.
Tommy took a deep breath. Counted to ten. And opened the door, wincing at the long creak that echoed through the house.
Techno was there, and he reached out a hand to take Tommy's suitcase. "You got everything?" He asked in a low whisper. Tommy nodded. "Alright, let's get out to the car. D'you have a key-?"
He broke off as a light flicked on somewhere down the hall. The glow reflected against the window, and Tommy's heart skipped a beat. He spun around in time to see his parents emerging from their room, both looking tired, confused, and vaguely annoyed. Not good.
He hadn't figured out what he'd do if they woke up, and had just hoped to leave without having to confront them, and now he found himself near frozen like a deer in headlights. Maybe if he just stood still enough, they wouldn't see him, and it would all be fine-
"What's going on?" his mother asked, overlapping with his father's more aggressive "Where d'you think you're going?" He must've noticed the backpack, and the suitcase Techno was in the middle of dragging out the front door. Both of them seemed half-asleep still, though the early-spring chill from outside was enough to wake anyone up pretty quick.
"I'm not- I told you about this, remember?" Tommy lied easily, scrambling to find a good excuse for this. Because yeah, it looked bad. Really bad. Techno hadn't been to their house in months. And now he was here, and Tommy was clearly going somewhere with him, and it had obviously been planned- "There's a- a field trip, with school. It's an overnight thing. You said you'd drive me earlier today, but I guess you forgot, and that's fine, that's why Techno's here."
He was rambling now. The excuse didn't even make sense, not really, but he was hoping his parents would just… assume they'd forgotten about the fictional field trip. They'd certainly forgotten enough field trips in the past.
But his parents were ignoring him now, anyway, and fixating on Techno. "And why are you here?" His dad again, a clear warning in his tone.
"Don't worry, I'm not stickin' around," Techno shot back, leaning the suitcase against the door and moving to stand next to Tommy. It was a silent sort of comfort. As if his parents couldn't do anything with his brother there. "Though I gotta say, I'm surprised you noticed me in the first place."
His dad snorted, dismissive. "Are you really back on that again?"
"Yes, I am, because you haven't changed at all."
"So what? You're going to take Thomas from us, too?"
"It's Tommy," Tommy muttered under his breath, knowing full well they wouldn't hear him. He didn't want them to hear, didn't want to get dragged back into the conversation. It was so easy to slip back into old patterns. Easy to just try and tune out the arguing and pretend he didn't exist.
As he'd expected, his father kept ranting about all the things he did to provide for his kids. A roof over his head. Food on the table. And they really should've been grateful, but no, they were always wanting more-
"His name's Tommy," Techno interrupted, voice dangerously calm. His mother scoffed at that, his father took a breath - to start yelling, probably - but Techno continued, "And if you actually cared about him, you'd know that." Without taking his eyes off their parents, he grabbed Tommy's hand, pressing the car keys into his palm. "We're leavin'."
Tommy didn't think twice, just turned and left the house, pulling his suitcase after him on the way out. It was all so much. He was almost on autopilot as he tossed the suitcase in the trunk of Techno's car and slid into the passenger's seat.
He could still hear them, in the house. They weren't making any effort to be quiet. The words were inaudible, but the conversation lasted a worryingly long time, and then-
Then it was quiet.
A minute later, Techno came up to the car and got into the driver's seat. He didn't say anything at first, just pulled out of the driveway and stared at the street ahead.
"What happened?" Tommy asked, when it felt like they were a safe enough distance away and the curiosity overcame the desire to stay quiet and stay out of the way.
"It's gonna be alright," was the first thing Techno said, and it sounded like a reflex more than an actual answer. "They made some threat about callin' the police for a kidnappin'. They're not gonna go through with it, though, because they know I'd raise hell if they do, and they've got a lot to hide."
"I thought you said the police wouldn't be on our side. Right?" Tommy was pretty sure that was how he'd ended up deciding to sneak out in the first place. It would've been too messy to go to the police. His parents… they weren't great, maybe, but they weren't bad enough to get in actual trouble for it. And if the police did take his side, he may well end up in the foster care system, and that was almost a scarier option.
"Yeah, but they don't know that."
Ah. So this was all just a bluff.
"Look, it's gonna be fine. I promise."
Tommy wasn't sure if Techno believed his own words, but he didn't question it. The night had been long enough already and he just wanted to go home.
Wherever that was.
-----
The air in the room was cold; not as cold as outside, but the insulation in the apartment was pretty bad and the heating system had been broken for months. There was a small heater in his room, but it was on its last legs. It didn't seem to even make a difference anymore. Moonlight streamed through the closed blinds, lighting up the room enough that Tommy was sure he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep for a while. Especially not with the memory tumbling around in his mind of the last time he'd seen his parents.
A glance at the alarm clock on his bedside table showed it was just past midnight. He went to get up, hissing out a breath at the cold air and immediately decided that bringing a blanket was the only sensible thing to do. Better not to freeze to death.
He was really good at moving around the apartment quietly, and made it all the way to the little kitchen before realizing that Techno wasn't even home yet. So much for stealth, huh?
It kinda sucked, because Techno always used to make the best hot chocolate for recovering from nightmares. They'd sit at the kitchen table and neither of them would say anything for a long while. Techno never asked questions, but sometimes Tommy would tell him regardless.
Usually it was about their parents.
That had stopped months ago, though. As it should. At least- Tommy should be over the nightmares by now. It had certainly been long enough, and he'd started to feel bad for waking Techno up in the middle of the night over something so trivial.
Still, Tommy was pretty sure he could make hot chocolate on his own. How hard could it possibly be?
The box in the cupboard had instructions on the side, and Tommy did his best to follow them. It really wasn't that hard. Boiling water on the stove was a bit tricky, because the ignition didn't always work the first time you tried, but that seemed to be the only real step. Which was odd, because there were definitely more steps when Techno did it, but maybe this would turn out alright.
Unsurprisingly, the first sip was disappointing, and it burned his tongue. He swore aloud at that, tears inexplicably springing to his eyes. He wiped them away, then set down the mug to let it cool for a minute.
Where was Techno, anyway?
Outside the apartment, there was the sound of muffled footsteps, then a key in the lock. The door opened and Techno stepped in, holding his phone up to his ear and carrying a plastic grocery bag on one arm while turning to close the door with the other. "Yeah, just got home," he was saying to whoever was on the phone. "Lights are on... oh, Tommy. You're still up?"
"Couldn't sleep," Tommy said. "Who're you talking to?"
"One of my coworkers," Techno answered vaguely, then to the phone again, "I gotta go. See you tomorrow. Got some cookies from work," he continued after hanging up, walking over to the table and setting down the grocery bag. "They're either chocolate chip or oatmeal raisin. Have you had dinner yet?"
Ah yes. Dinner. There wasn't actually anything in the fridge, nor in the cupboards, aside from the hot chocolate mix. Tommy had managed to forget about eating before going to sleep, but now, the hunger returned full-force. "… not really. It's fine, though-"
"Tommy," Techno interrupted with a faint air of exasperation. "You gotta have somethin'."
"What am I supposed to eat, the dust bunnies?"
Techno swore under his breath, going to check the cupboards. "I thought I went shoppin' earlier this week…"
Tommy shrugged, mostly to himself, and took another sip of his hot chocolate. Still solidly disappointing in taste and nearly burning hot. "Well, there's nothing now. Except cookies."
"You're havin' more than cookies."
"And hot chocolate."
"Oh my god. You're gonna be the death of me, kid."
Tommy snorted a laugh, going to open the box of cookies and picking one at random. It was definitely oatmeal raisin. That was at least sort of healthy, right?
"Good news is," Techno continued, closing the refrigerator door, "I'm gettin' paid tomorrow, so I can go shoppin' before work. Sorry there wasn't anything tonight. I can check if anywhere's still open, though."
"It's alright. Tomorrow's Saturday, why do you have work?"
"Picked up a shift for the overtime."
Tommy hummed, staring at his mug of hot chocolate. Now that he thought about it, it'd been… a while since the last time him and Techno had been home at the apartment at the same time for a whole day. A few weeks, at least. Tommy was gone at school most days, and Techno worked late, and recently he'd taken more weekend shifts.
"I was just thinking," he started, "We should have a movie night."
"What, now? I've got work tomorrow, Tommy."
"Not right now. Just- it's been a while, y'know?"
Techno nodded slowly, seeming to think it over. "I'll have to see how my work schedule looks in the next few weeks," he said noncommittally. "For some reason, the winter months are pretty busy. Must be because of Christmas. Speakin' of winter, though, is the heatin' still broken? It's almost colder in here than outside."
"Still broken," Tommy confirmed. "And I think my heater just died."
Techno cursed quietly. "Right. I'll add that to the list." He hesitated, giving Tommy an unreadable look that was something between tired and concerned. "Was that why you couldn't sleep, or…?"
And Tommy almost told him. Almost said that it wasn't the cold, it was the nightmares again. But he caught himself at the last second, because that was Tommy's problem, and Techno had enough to deal with already without having to go back and fix something that should've gotten better a long time ago.
"Pretty much, yeah," he said instead. Stared into the hot chocolate as if it had any answers.
If this were a few months ago, Techno might've noticed something was wrong. Would've said something about it. But now, he just nodded. "I was just thinkin' the other day about how we were lucky it hadn't gone out yet. Must've jinxed it."
"… yeah."
"D'you want an extra blanket? That might help with the cold, and you really should get some sleep. It's late."
Tommy shrugged. The blanket around his shoulders was pretty good at keeping him warm, and he was pretty sure he'd be able to get back to sleep just fine. It was just… the nightmares.
No. You know what? Having nightmares was a terrible excuse for not going to sleep. They weren't real in the first place, so why did he even care? He could get over it.
"I'm good, thanks." He stood up from the table, taking the mug over to the counter and setting it in the sink. The hot chocolate seemed even less appetizing now, and the last of the oatmeal raisin cookie had roughly the taste and texture of sawdust. "G'night," he said through the last bite.
"Sleep well," Techno returned, already pulling out his phone and a notebook with a bunch of numbers scribbled in it. If Tommy had to guess, he'd be up for another hour or two, despite his constant insistence that a good night's sleep was important. Hypocrite.
Tommy's room felt somehow emptier when he'd closed the door behind him, cutting off the warm light from the kitchen. He threw the blanket over the bed, taking a few moments to straighten the corners before laying down. It shouldn't have taken long to fall asleep; he was tired, and it was late, but for some reason, he just ended up staring at the ceiling, listening to the quiet sounds of pencil on paper from the other room.
Something just wasn't right.
It took a minute for him to pinpoint what it was, but the realization clicked into place like the final piece of a puzzle: the apartment didn't feel like home. Not anymore. It felt more like his parents' house, all empty rooms and distant caring that never got to the point of actually asking if he was alright.
Which- that wasn't fair to Techno. His brother worked so hard to give him a good life, but that meant sacrificing some things along the way. Time was money, and there was never enough of either to go around. And it was selfish to want more, wasn't it? Life didn't revolve around him, after all, and Techno'd had to give up so much for his sake already.
… maybe he just couldn't help being a little selfish. This was supposed to be better, but now that he was here, it just felt like the only thing that had changed was whose burden he was to care for.
A tear started welling up in his eye, and he blinked it away, cursing inwardly at how he'd let himself get so carried away. He just needed to sleep, he told himself. Things would be better in the morning. They had to be.