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Siegfried is early to Audrey’s house. He’s taking her out to a very nice restaurant in Broughton tonight and he’s dressed in his favourite waistcoat, the burgundy that he thinks suits him rather well.
He rings the doorbell and she doesn’t answer immediately. Well, he is early. He waits patiently and a minute later the door opens.
“Siegfried,” Audrey says, “I’m sorry – I lost track of time – I – come in.” He steps inside and looks at her, worried. She’s clearly not getting ready to go out. Her hair is scraped back, she’s still wearing her uniform and, most concerning, her eyes are red and there are tear tracks on her cheeks.
“Audrey,” he says, putting a careful hand to her arm, “what’s wrong?”
She smiles at him, bright and brittle. “Nothing. Go through.” She gestures towards her living room. “I’ll be quick.” Her nothing is the least convincing thing she has ever said to him.
He doesn’t take his hand off her arm. “Please, you can tell me,” he says, his voice as reassuring as he can make it. He can’t imagine what’s upset her this much.
She bites her lip. “It’s nothing. It’s silly.”
“If it’s upset you, it’s not silly.” He strokes his thumb over her arm gently.
She sighs, deflating. “I’ve lost something, and it’s just – it’s bad timing.”
Siegfried thinks quickly. There is only one major event that he knows of in her life at the moment. “Because of Edward moving out?”
She nods, short and sharp.
He knows that she’s been full of mixed emotions about Edward flying the nest. Proud to see him off on his own, sad that he will no longer be around.
Siegfried had plans for this evening, but all of them had involved Audrey bright and happy and smiling. “Can I help you look?”
Audrey shakes her head. “I’ve turned the house upside down. It’s not here. I must have lost it outside somewhere. I carry it with me quite often.”
“I’m sorry,” he says after a moment. “Let me make you some tea.” She tries to protest but he heads for the kitchen. He’s been here more than a few times now, knows her kitchen well enough to find the tea – leaves, not bags, she’s fussy about this – and the teapot, to put the kettle on.
She follows him. “We’ll be late.”
“We’ll go out another night,” he says.
“You’ll lose your deposit.”
The restaurant is fancy enough that he’s had to pay a deposit to reserve the table. Siegfried just shrugs. “It’s not important.” The kettle is on, the tea leaves are in the pot, and he turns to her. “You are important.” She’s still when he takes her in his arms and then she sighs and leans her head on his shoulder.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
They stand quietly together. Siegfried strokes her back gently, feels her relax ever so gradually. When the kettle clicks off, he releases her reluctantly, pours the water into the teapot. “Go and sit down,” he says. “I’ll bring it through.” She manages a tiny smile and leaves. He puts teapot, strainer and cups on a tray, fills a little jug with milk, takes a pack of biscuits from the cupboard and puts them on the tray too. He scans it quickly. He doesn’t think he’s forgotten anything.
He carries it through to the living room, sets it carefully on the table in front of the sofa. Audrey has curled up at one end. She looks spent, and he is glad that they’re staying in.
“Biscuit?” he asks.
She shakes her head. “No thanks.”
He sits next to her and gingerly puts his arm around her, sighs with relief when she leans into him.
“What is it?” he asks. “That you’ve lost?”
“It’s really silly,” she says.
“Audrey,” he says gently.
“It’s just a little soft toy cat. This big,” she gestures. Indeed, a very small cat. “It’s purple,” she adds. “Told you it was silly.”
He runs his hand up and down her arm, soothing. “It means a lot to you.”
“It was the first thing that Edward bought me after he – after…” Her voice trails off.
There is so much about Audrey that he still doesn’t know, he thinks. “After he what?” he asks, very quietly.
“After he was let out of the young offenders institute,” she says, in a rush and with a bite to her voice that he doesn’t like.
“I see.” He keeps his voice completely neutral.
There’s silence for a moment.
“He got in with a bad crowd. Got a reputation.” Her voice is strained. “He was caught stealing, more than once. The last time, it was -” Her voice breaks.
“You don’t have to tell me,” Siegfried says gently.
“I was housekeeping for a big house,” she says as though he hasn’t spoken. “Big enough to have staff still. He came by sometimes and – well – he was caught. They had influence, he had history.” He feels her swallow. “He was sent to the institute for a year. He was only fifteen. Sixteen when he came out. He was – very angry with me, for a time. Thought I should have been able to stop it.”
“You couldn’t have done.” Siegfried is quietly sure of that.
Audrey laughs sadly. “I couldn’t even keep my job.”
“I’m sorry,” Siegfried says.
Audrey clears her throat. “Anyway, he’d been out a while, living with his dad, and he wouldn’t talk to me at all. I’d broken up with Robert while Edward was inside and that didn’t help. But then on my birthday he came round and he’d bought me this little toy. And it just meant – it meant the world to me.”
Siegfried’s heart hurts for her. “I understand.”
“It’s a sort of talisman, I suppose. Everything will be all right in the end. Except I’ve lost it,” she finishes with a sigh.
“And Edward moving out hasn’t helped.”
“It’s brought – a lot of bad memories back.”
“Have you talked to him?”
Audrey looks up at him, astonished. “Of course not. He might come back. He needs to go, I know that.”
Siegfried wonders if there’s any way he can help with any of this. “What does it look like? Your cat?” He pulls his phone out and offers it to Audrey. “Can you get a picture?”
Audrey takes the phone and a moment later, he’s looking at a purple cat. It’s not a realistic cat, like he’d imagined. It’s sort of round, palm-sized, according to the dimensions on the picture. The features, which are cartoon-like, are stitched on. “This,” she says.
“It’s very cute,” he says after a moment.
Audrey snorts. “You don’t have to pretend you like it.”
He takes his phone back. Screenshots the cat. He’s old enough that he still has a facebook account, though he doesn’t tend to use it. He has, however, joined the Darrowby group. Admittedly, Audrey could have mislaid her cat anywhere, but she was in Darrowby the other day for the farmers’ market, so its worth a shot. He posts the picture on there, with a hope that somebody might have found it.
When he’s posted, and tucked his phone back in his pocket, he looks up to see Audrey watching him, a spark of amusement in her eye. It’s a relief to see it there.
“Thank you,” she says. “That was a kind thought.”
He smiles at her. “I hope it helps.” He studies her face. She’s been incredibly open with him this evening and he feels like she deserves some openness in return. “I don’t know, exactly, what it was like for you with Edward,” he says slowly, “but things haven’t always been easy for Tristan and me.”
She raises an eyebrow. “But you get on so well.” She sits forward and pours out two cups of tea, passes one to him.
“I would have said the same about you and Edward,” he points out. The times he’s met Edward, he’s seen the loving relationship between mother and son. “Tristan came to live with me and Evelyn when he was thirteen.” Evelyn, another topic not often broached. “Our parents were older when they had him. Well, you can tell,” he gestures at himself, “there’s nineteen years between us. Our mother died first, when he was ten, and then our father when he was thirteen, so of course he came to us. I tried to take our father’s place.” He sighs, thinking back to those sad, angry, difficult days. “Tris only wanted a brother. I hounded him about school and exams. If it hadn’t been for Evelyn, I think he’d have left.”
“She was special, your Evelyn.”
Siegfried nods. “She knew just how to handle him. When to mother him, when to give him space.”
“You were both lucky to have her.” Audrey’s gaze turns inward. Whatever she’s seeing, it isn’t this room.
“Your husband?” Siegfried asks tentatively. “What –” He cuts off.
“He hit me,” Audrey says, and it’s so matter of fact that his blood chills. “It was bad, before Edward was locked up. I was trying to help him and Robert kept saying boys will be boys. When Edward wasn’t there any more… well. It got worse. I kept thinking, it’ll be better eventually. He’ll remember he loves me.” She shrugs in a way that tears Siegfried’s heart to shreds. “The day he hit me, I knew he wouldn’t. But he’d always been easier on Edward than I was, and Edward was so angry with me about everything, so when he got out, he chose to go to Robert.” The look on her face shows him exactly how much that had hurt her.
“He came back eventually,” Siegfried says softly.
Audrey nods. “Saw through his dad in the end.” She sighs, looks up at Siegfried sheepishly. “Sorry. You wanted to go out and instead you’ve had to cope with this,” she gestures at herself.
“I want to cope with this,” Siegfried says immediately and insistently. Then stutters. “Not, I mean, it’s not coping. It’s… being here for you. I care for you, Audrey, a good deal.” He’s amazed at what a sad history she hides behind her bright smiles and easy laughs. How strong she must be.
She’s quiet for a moment, leaning against him. Then, “Thank you,” she says. “That – that means a lot.”
“Shall I order us a takeaway?” he suggests. He’s not going to take her out, but he’d like to treat her.
She smiles at him. “That would be nice.”
“What do you fancy?”
“The Chinese place down the road is good. There’s a menu in the drawer under the kettle.”
He squeezes her thigh lightly and stands. He’s pleased she’s letting him do things for her, even so simple things as making tea and fetching menus. She’s allowing him to support her and he feels like maybe she hasn’t allowed anyone to do that for a long time.
“Here you go,” he says, sitting back next to her and offering her the menu.
Half an hour later, Siegfried has wandered up the road to collect their order and they’re sitting at Audrey’s kitchen table.
Siegfried inspects a prawn cracker – a large bag of them have been thrown into their order. “I don’t even like these,” he says turning it over, “but I can’t seem to stop eating them.”
“You are a foolish man,” Audrey chuckles.
She’s looking brighter now and Siegfried is happy to see it. He’ll find that cat though, he’s determined. If he has to join every local facebook group in the county.
He’s comfortably full – just on the edge of uncomfortable, if he’s truthful – when they stack the leftovers by the fridge ready to put away later.
“TV?” Audrey asks. “Taskmaster’s on tonight.”
Siegfried is more than happy to stay with her a little longer. When they turn the television on, the advert makes him laugh. “Now, if you’d been the delivery person in this advert, I might have seen the point of it a little quicker.”
Audrey elbows him and he laughs again. He pulls her into his arms and she relaxes into him, tucks her head just under his chin. She’s perfect like this.
It turns out Taskmaster is the best programme to watch with her in his arms. He can feel her laugh through his body, loves her commentary, her excitement when she has an idea to solve a task.
This is better than a fancy restaurant.
“I wouldn’t have thought this was your sort of show,” Audrey says in the next ad break, turning in his arms to look up at him.
It takes him a moment to marshal his thoughts with the way she’s pressed into him. “It’s not really,” he admits. “But Tristan put it on every week and I ended up hooked.”
“How far in?” she asks, smiling up at him.
“The potato toss,” he admits. “It was – so beautifully pedantic. The tiny bit of foot on the red green. Wonderful. What about you?”
“Oh, I was on board from the start. It made me laugh every time and I – I needed it.”
He senses the change in her. “Who’s your favourite contestant?” he asks, trying to bring her back from wherever she’s gone.
She chuckles, and he’s relieved. “It’s too hard to pick,” she says.
The show starts again and she settles back in his arms. Her hair is still tied back and he wants to run his hands through it. He undoes her hair tie slowly. She sighs a little as her hair falls down in the curls he loves so much. He runs a curl through his fingers, twisting it and coiling it. Then he puts his fingers to her scalp, sliding his fingers to scratch ever so gently. She gives an appreciative hum and he smiles to himself and carries on working.
By the time the show is over, every trace of tension is gone from her body and she is boneless against him. He’s proud of himself.
She turns in his arms to look at him. He’s expecting a polite goodnight; it’s late after all.
“Stay?” she asks.
His breath catches. “To sleep?” he asks, “Or to…”
“Or to,” she teases, the spark back in her eyes. “And then to sleep. It’s about time you woke up next to me in a bed.” She sits up and kisses him. “You are a good man, Siegfried Farnon,” she says, pulling back from him for a moment, “and I would very much like you to be mine.”
“Yes,” he breathes. He kisses her deeply and tries to tell her this way that he has been hers from the moment she arrived on his doorstep holding Tristan’s delivery.
She leads him upstairs, into her bedroom. It’s small, neat and cosy. She kisses him softly.
“It’s been a while,” he says when she starts to undo his waistcoat. He hasn’t made love since Evelyn died.
“The process hasn’t changed,” she says, smiling at him. “But I can give you a quick refresher if you want.”
He laughs and kisses her again, until she pushes him back to pull off her work jumper and polo shirt. She’s confident, standing there in just bra and trousers, and his mouth positively waters. He needs to catch up, strips off his waistcoat and his shirt so quickly that several buttons ping across the room. Audrey laughs and her voice is full of pleasure.
“Patience,” she teases and he slips his arms around her waist and pulls her into him. He kisses her slowly as he unfastens her bra. Traces his fingers under the cups, feels the softness of her breasts before he slides the straps off her shoulders and the bra falls from her. Her breasts are small and perfect and he wants to get his mouth on them. Her fingers are dipping under the waistband of his trousers and he’s holding himself so still.
“Bed,” she murmurs.
“Yes,” he agrees. He lets go of her to rid himself of his remaining clothes. He glances at his phone as he throws it on the bedside table. A message from Tristan. It can wait.
He’s naked and nervous as he turns back to her. But she’s stripped off too and is waiting for him on the bed.
“Audrey,” he breathes. She’s absolutely stunning. He’s seen her in all sorts of outfits, from her tesco uniform to her market clothes to her casual dress. This is his absolute favourite. “You’re beautiful,” he says. She blushes, the colour over her cheeks and sweeping over her chest. He falls onto the bed to join her. He gets his mouth onto her breasts immediately, kissing, suckling, and her hands are in his hair. He licks a nipple and it stiffens delightfully and he bites it and she shudders under him.
“Good?” he asks.
“Yes.” Her voice is strained.
He lifts his head to see her, flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes. He’s proud that he’s made her look like this. With his eyes on her, he goes back to her nipple. Watches her eyes flutter close. Gradually, he drifts his hand down her body, learning her curves, finally settling between her legs. She’s slick and ready for him. He caresses her for a while, finding out which movements make her buck into him.
“My turn,” she says eventually, and she rolls into him. Her eyes are very dark when she kisses him, when she trails her hands down his body.
He’s been nervous for a long time about what it might be like to have another woman touch him, after Evelyn. But he needn’t have worried. Audrey is herself, and there are no echoes haunting him.
She scratches his stomach lightly with her fingernails and then her hand is around him. He groans at the feel of it, warm and tight. She hitches her leg over his hip.
“Touch me again,” she says.
He obeys. He always will. She’s moving firmly and he’s trying to keep from thrusting into her hand and he slips his fingers inside her. For a moment she’s still.
“All right?”
She presses her forehead against his. “Yes,” she says, and her hand starts moving again.
They’re so close together now. Her breasts against his chest. Their mouths together, not quite kissing. Their legs entwined.
“I’ve got condoms,” she murmurs. “If you want…”
“God, yes,” he says, emphatically, and she laughs.
She rolls away from him and he misses the feel of her, but then she’s back a moment later, and she’s smoothing the condom down him. He bites his lip, trying to control himself.
“How do you want me?” she asks when it’s on.
His brain short circuits. Every single way. “Your choice,” he manages.
A moment later she’s sitting over him. It’s perfect. He reaches up to cup her breasts. He still hasn’t spent enough time learning them. “You’re absolutely stunning,” he says, running his thumbs over her nipples. He caresses her body with his eyes, her dusky nipples, the small, firm breasts, her waist with just enough on her to hold on to, her hips, straddling him. If he died like this it would be a good way to go.
She leans down to kiss him and her curls tickle his chest. Then she straightens, trailing her fingers down his chest, his stomach, to take him in hand. And then she’s sitting up slightly and he holds his breath as she positions herself and he’s sliding into tight heat and it’s perfect, she’s perfect.
“Audrey,” he gasps as she takes him in.
“Siegfried,” she manages. Her chest is heaving. He puts his hands to her waist, supporting her gently. It takes her a moment but then she’s moving slowly and he’s lost to everything apart from her, being in her, watching her.
He needs to touch her more. One hand to her breast, the other between her legs, rubbing her lightly. She groans, and then she’s tightening, fluttering around him and the sensation is too much and he’s following her over the edge.
He comes to himself with her in his arms. “Wow,” he manages.
She blinks at him, smiles. “I agree.”
He strokes his fingers over her bare back. “We should do that again sometime,” he says.
“Yes,” she snuggles into him. “There are so many other ways to try.”
Later they’re clean and curled up together under the covers. “Siegfried?” she whispers as his eyes are closing.
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being a good man,” she says.
He wakes up in the morning with her curls in his face and he would be happy if he could wake up like this every day.
“Morning,” he says, pressing his face to her hair.
“Morning,” she says with a sigh. “We’d better get going, I suppose.”
“I suppose,” he agrees. He has a full surgery this morning.
He gets dressed in yesterday’s clothes and they eat breakfast sitting opposite each other with their feet brushing under the table. They part at the door with gentle kisses.
“See you tomorrow?” he says.
“Oh, you will,” she promises with a smile that makes his heart race.
He doesn’t remember Tristan’s text until he climbs into his car. He opens it. Maggie says she thinks she has what you’re looking for. Then another one sent a few minutes afterwards. Cryptic. She won’t tell me.
Siegfried’s stomach clenches with hope. Maggie, one of the women that Tristan is dating on and off, runs the bar at the Drovers. He checks his watch. Far too early for the pub to open to patrons, but Maggie will probably be there setting up. He crosses his fingers and starts the car.
He raps on the pub door and it swings open a moment later. “Morning,” says Maggie cheerfully. “You got Tristan’s message then?”
He nods. “You could have replied to my post.”
“But then I wouldn’t have had the fun of winding him up. Come through. I found it just outside the other day.” Maggie jerks her head. He follows her into the bar. It’s odd to be there when its completely deserted.
“How are you and Tristan?” Siegfried asks as she disappears behind the bar counter.
“Oh, fine,” she says vaguely. She reappears. “Here. Is this it?”
It has to be Audrey’s. How many people can have lost a small soft toy of this description in Darrowby recently?
“Yes,” he says, taking it. Maggie’s looking at him quizzically. “A friend of mine lost it,” he explains. “It’s not mine.”
“I have rarely seen anything that was less likely to be yours,” Maggie says with a laugh. “Your friend, might it be the friend you’ve been in here a few times with? Going well?”
Siegfried would usually tell her to mind her own beeswax but he’s just so content. “Yes,” he says.
Maggie smiles at him. “Good. About time you found somebody.”
“Thank you, for this,” Siegfried says, nodding at the toy. “Best get on.” He tucks the cat into his jacket pocket and heads back to Skeldale.
“Well,” Tristan pronounces with great enthusiasm and delight when Siegfried goes in the back door into the kitchen. “He’s home! You realise I could have been worried about you? Dirty stop out,” he finishes cheerfully.
“Tristan,” Siegfried growls, warningly.
“Did you see Maggie yet?”
“I did.”
“And you got whatever it was you were looking for.” Tristan’s gaze drops to where the cat is protruding from his pocket. “That?”
Siegfried feels a need to put a protective hand to it. “Yes.” He’s not going to explain anything about it to Tristan. “Surgery opens in a minute. Best get on.” He takes the little cat with him, props it in the corner of the surgery where it can sit safely all day. He’ll take it to Audrey after work.
He’s busy, which is good, because every time he has a moment to himself his mind drifts off to last night, to Audrey’s body, to the way he felt inside her, to the pink flush of her cheeks and the look in her eyes. God, how he wants her. And it’s more than just that, he knows. So much more.
At the end of the day, after he’s wiped down the surgery, he fetches a little cardboard box. He tucks the purple cat into it safely. It needs something else too. He goes out into Darrowby, pops into the supremely expensive chocolate shop and buys one of their little boxes of six handmade chocolates. It fits neatly under the cat. It’s nearly there, but not quite. Back in Skeldale, he finds paper and pen. Sits at his desk and thinks for a minute. Scrawls a few words, folds the paper and tucks it into the box. Finally satisfied, he closes the lid.
“I’m going out,” he calls to Tristan, and doesn’t wait for a reply.
Audrey’s shift doesn’t finish for an hour. He drives to her little cottage and puts the cardboard box in her porch. It’s not visible from the road, it’ll be safe enough.
Siegfried is just finishing his dinner, and Tristan is talking about something inane – Siegfried has given up listening, just nodding at intervals – when there’s a knock at the back door.
Siegfried answers it. Audrey’s there, her smile wide, her eyes bright. She pushes him back into the kitchen, throws her arms around his neck and kisses him. “Thank you,” she says, breathless, between kisses. “Thank you.” Siegfried holds on tight and kisses her back, as much as he is able. Eventually she draws back with a laugh.
“Hello,” Siegfried says, fondly.
“Yes, hello,” Tristan butts in. “How nice to see you, Audrey.”
Audrey blushes red. “Tris – I didn’t see you there.”
“I rather gathered that,” he says, grinning. “Nice to see the old boy having some fun.”
“Leave,” Siegfried growls and Tris throws a mock salute and departs, whistling.
“You got it then,” Siegfried says. He cups her cheek, strokes her skin with his thumb.
Audrey’s eyes scan his. “Yes. The cat is back where she belongs.” Her fingers hook into his waistcoat. “Did you mean it? What you said?”
His voice is soft and steady when he replies. “Very much so.”
Her smile is so bright it dazzles him. “I love you too,” she says.