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It’s an unexpected and undignified, yet not wholly unwelcome sensation. Like being dunked in a hot spring; warm and comfortable and wet. The issue is, he has no idea why this is happening. Hua Cheng likes to think he’s too competent to really get cursed, and yet the fact remains: something weird is happening to him right now. He paces back and forth, trying to play off the strange feeling with self assured steps.
It feels good, is the thing. Safe. Like a warm blanket, like gentle arms around him, catching him and holding him close. If this is a curse, he’s not sure he wants to break it.
He redirects his attention to Black Water and their quarterly meeting about a debt that Hua Cheng is in no hurry to collect. He doesn’t want to look into why that is. He’s in a good mood today, no need to ruin it thinking about his camaraderie with the fish.
“For notifying me of His Highness’ ascension, a 5% deduction. For dragging him into your scheme-”
“He dragged himself into it! I tried to keep him away-”
“You didn’t try hard enough. A 5% addition, for that. Another 5% for interrupting me.”
“Are you fucking kidding me, you soulless, money grubbing-”
“Would you like another 5%?”
He Xuan just glares at him from over a bowl of... something. He’s inhaling it much too fast for Hua Cheng to get a good look. Despite himself, a soft smile spreads across Hua Cheng’s face, that warm, safe feeling seeming to soak into his bones. Suddenly, the sensation grows in strength, so potent that it brings him to his knees and-
“Wha- mmmn.” He moans aloud in the middle of a meeting. Oh, he is never living (afterliving?) this down.
“What the fuck was that.” He Xuan says, hiding his alarm under disgust.
“I don’t know- oh! Oh, fuck.” Hua Cheng groans from the floor.
“I swear if you’re doing this on purpose-” He Xuan stands, rounding the table to see what the hell Crimson Rain’s issue is now.
“I’m not! Like I would ever share this with you.”
He barely gets the words out before the sensation of warmth and wetness is suddenly less of a hot spring and more of being boiled alive. But, it’s still pleasant. So very pleasant, actually. He’s brought the rest of the way to the floor, face down, trying not to grind his hips into the carpet in front of Black Water of all fucking people. Truly, of anyone that could be seeing... whatever this is, it had to be him.
“Well, it’s not Tonglu, because I’m fine.”
He Xuan huffs, amused, disturbed, and more than a little concerned. They aren’t friends. Just a guy and his loan shark, currently experiencing heretofore unseen levels of awkward. And why would he care if his loan shark is okay? Shut up. None of your business.
“What does it feel like?” He Xuan says tentatively, like he fears the answer.
“Why are you asking?” Hua Cheng tries to sound annoyed, but is whining too much to pull it off.
“So I can figure out if you’re going to die.”
“You know I can’t- ooh- die unless my- oh, fuck.”
“You think that’s what the issue is?”
“It feels like I’m inside-” He cuts himself off with a moan, insufficiently muffled by the carpet.
“Inside of what?” It clicks, and He Xuan shudders, “Oh, no. Nuh-uh. Why the fuck would that be happening?”
“Don’t know. Need to make sure he’s okay.”
And before He Xuan can try to talk him out of going to his god while experiencing some sort of rapturous ecstasy (and massive fucking hard on that He Xuan never wanted to see) from being eaten alive, Hua Cheng is stumbling through a doorway and gone.
Not my problem, he thinks. Not my problem, but I should really make sure he’ll survive getting eaten. For my plans. He’s important to my plans, not me. And with that, He Xuan slips out of the manor and to his own, searching his library for any cases like this. Though, knowing Crimson Rain, he probably charmed that ring to be indigestible, just in case this happened. Eight hundred years is a long time to fantasize.
---
Xie Lian has not had anything he really needed to protect when getting mugged for a very long time. The hat, yes, but no robbers would care about it. It only has value to him. Ruoye, but the silk can mostly take care of itself. So when he got jumped by a group of robbers- who must really be desperate, going after a guy wearing robes more patch than fabric- he panicked. He tried just holding the ring in his mouth, hoping they wouldn’t notice. Of course they did, and now hoping that they aren’t so desperate as to gut him, he swallowed it.
He has a sneaking suspicion as to what the ring actually is, and he would do anything to keep it safe. As he feels the cool stone slide down his throat, he jolts with a fresh wave of panic. What if this damages it? Just as he’s preparing to fight off the robbers, find Hua Cheng, and make himself throw up, (not necessarily in that order, he figures his San Lang probably wouldn’t want to see his essence in a puddle of partially digested breakfast), the man himself appears. He looks somewhat dazed, and Xie Lian’s panic rises impossibly higher. The wind picks up, energy swirling wildly around Hua Cheng, and the robbers scatter in fear. Usually, he’d flay them alive for trying to prey on his God, but he can barely stand, let alone skin anyone. The moment they’re gone, he falls to his hands and knees again.
“Are you alright?” Hua Cheng asks, as if it isn’t insane to worry after the guy who just ate you.
“I’m fine, I’m fine. Are you? I’m so sorry, I just didn’t want them to take your a- I mean the ring. I wasn’t thinking-”
“I’m- mmn- fine.” Hua Cheng groans unconvincingly.
“I can make myself throw them up! Or, I probably can, I don’t really have a gag reflex anymore after learning to swallow swords-” Hua Cheng interrupts him with a longer groan- “But I’m sure there’s a plant somewhere here that could- or, well, maybe not. I’ve grown quite a tolerance to poison. Oh! Getting hit in the stomach still makes me-”
“I am fine,” The ghost king who strikes fear into the hearts of men whimpers- whimpers!- as he tries to force the words out, “It’s... an overwhelming sensation, but not dangerous. Don’t hurt yourself trying to get them out.”
“I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you. How bad is the pain?” Xie Lian reaches for him, but pulls back. He’s done enough as it is.
“Not-” He whines and drops to lay on his stomach in the dirt, hoping his God didn’t see the way his hips twitched at even that meager contact, “Not in pain. It’s just... a lot.”
“Oh? Oh!” Xie Lian blushes furiously, “Well, that’s okay.”
Hua Cheng lifts his face out of the dirt for long enough to stare wonderingly at Xie Lian. He can’t help but thrash when he feels the very essence of his soul moving through the wet heat of his God’s insides. Why aren’t you horrified by me?
“You- It’s not your fault this is happening, San Lang.” Xie Lian murmurs, and it is at this point Hua Cheng realizes he said that last bit out loud, “Where would you like to ride this out? I don’t want to leave you alone while you’re... indisposed.”
“My- mmgghh- manor has wards. I would be safe there-” He pauses to try and swallow a whimper, and is only partially successful, “-you don’t have to watch this.”
“I would prefer to stay close by, so I know for sure you aren’t being hurt by this.” Xie Lian averts his eyes, still pink cheeked.
“Give me a second and I can get us there.” Hua Cheng tries to get up, but flops miserably back down and sighs.
While Xie Lian waits for the poor ghost to get himself together, a thought comes to him. One from a conversation very early in his friendship.
“So, usually the tradition is giving such an important thing to your beloved.”
Hua Cheng does not want to have this conversation with a boner.
“I feel rather silly for being so jealous earlier.” Xie Lian chuckles and nervously twists his hair around a finger, “I like you quite a lot. Although, I would like to know the thought process behind giving your ashes to the god of misfortune.”
“It’s where they belong.” Hua Cheng mumbles into the ground, head spinning for two reasons now.
“Very romantic, yes. But not very practical! Honestly, San Lang. I would have been devastated if anything happened to them.”
Hua Cheng finally manages to haul himself to his feet for long enough to transport them to the manor, directly into his bedroom. His God sits on the edge of the large four poster bed, gaze far away and blushing enough to match the sheets.
“It’s not-” He pauses, takes a deep, steadying breath, “-forbidden for me to witness such things. As long as I don’t actively participate.”
Is he giving me permission to jerk off in front of him?
“What.” Hua Cheng says inelegantly, but at least he didn’t ask the jerk off question.
“If you need to, you know,” He’s so pink Hua Cheng starts to worry about the rest of his body getting enough blood, “You can. I could probably t-touch you, as long as I don’t also, you know.”
Hua Cheng stares agog, mouth open, pupil blown.
“Touch above the waist!” Xie Lian adds at a much louder volume than either of them would’ve preferred, “Touching there would be too close to breaking my vows.”
“What.” Hua Cheng says again, somehow even more inelegantly than the first time.
“Have I misread the situation? Oh no, San Lang, I’m so sorry, I just propositioned you after I ate you-”
“You did not misread anything,” Hua Cheng says, strangled. Then, because he’s too out of sorts to stop himself, “You are welcome to proposition and eat me any time you want.”
“Oh! Okay!” Xie Lian squeaks, “Then, would you like to do what you need to do in bed? I can help you off the floor.”
Hua Cheng glances down, surprised to see that he is in fact on the floor. Not trusting himself to speak (not after inviting Xie Lian to do this again, what is wrong with him), he raises his arms and looks pleadingly at Xie Lian. His God, ever merciful, takes his hands and pulls him up to lay on the mattress. He allows himself to be positioned next to Xie Lian, shivering when his head is placed in his lap. A gentle hand comes to stroke his hair and he nearly sobs.
“Is this alright?” His God murmurs, honey brown eyes warm as they gaze down at him.
‘Alright?!’ Are sunshine and rainbows ‘alright?’ Is the first rain after a drought ‘alright?’ This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love you I love you I love you-
Xie Lian laughs and runs his fingers through Hua Cheng’s thick hair again. “I love you too.” He smiles, and Hua Cheng is realizing that he perhaps needs a muzzle to make it through this with his dignity intact. Although, it might be too late for that.
“Do you need to take your clothes off?”
Hua Cheng moans and cants his hips into the air, thrusting against nothing. If he can’t trust himself not to spit out every embarrassing thought that comes to mind, there is no way he’ll be able to keep up a glamour spell to disguise the worst of the scarring on his true form. No way is he subjecting his God to that, not after everything else he’s subjecting him to today-
“You aren’t ‘subjecting’ me to anything.”
“I’m sorry, Your Highness. I’m not usually this out of control.”
“That’s alright, sweetheart. You aren’t usually eaten and confessed to on the same day,” He pets Hua Cheng’s hair yet again, and the ghost might just die for real from this kind of treatment, “And scars aren’t going to scare me off.”
With a great deal of effort, Hua Cheng waves a hand and disappears most of his clothes. He leaves his innermost layer on, and hopes the spell put the rest of his clothing where it belongs.
(It did not. Elsewhere, Yin Yu is ambushed by a pile of fabric and jewelry falling from the sky. Dutifully, he puts it aside, knowing better than to try and put it away in Chengzhu’s chambers while whatever is going on is still, in fact, going on. He’s grateful that Lord Black Water gave him a heads up about it, and hopes Chengzhu and His Highness enjoy themselves. You don’t work under a guy who’s so pathetically in love for decades and not come to root for him, just a little bit.)
“That’s handy.”
“Uh-huh.” Hua Cheng mutters, still stubbornly refusing to touch himself despite being given permission.
“My San Lang is very handsome.”
Hua Cheng shudders, feeling himself leak pre into his clothes at the praise.
“You like when I compliment you.” It isn’t a question.
“Yes, Your Highness.”
“No need to be so formal. I like-” The thighs under his head twitch- “I like seeing you like this. Less... restrained. I like that I can... please you, without breaking my vows. Although- well, that’s a conversation for another day. You’re overwhelmed enough as it is.”
Hua Cheng manages to mostly keep the scream inside his head. But only mostly. Soft, warm lips press against his forehead, head almost fully encircled by his God. Essence in the safest place it could possibly be: inside his beloved. He comes with a wail, untouched. Unless of course you count the ring, in which case comes while very, very touched.
“Feeling better?”
“Yes. God, yes,” He looks blearily up at Xie Lian, “But I’m probably going to be like this on and off until the ring is out.”
“Then I will stay here with you until then.”
“You could stay forever.” He slurs, loose limbed after the orgasm, warmth surrounding his essence feeling more cozy than arousing.
“Oh, I meant stay here, as in stay exactly like this. I would want to stretch my legs eventually.” Xie Lian smiles, bold words for a man who’s so red he’d fit right in with the lobster spirits.
“You’re incredible.” Hua Cheng mumbles, then passes out.
---
Xie Lian stays right there, as promised, while Hua Cheng sleeps. He contents himself to petting his sweet ghost’s hair, just as soft and pretty as it had been when he was inspecting it in the shrine. It has more of a wave to it in this form, he realizes.
“So pretty.” He whispers.
Hua Cheng groans and rolls over, arms locking around Xie Lian’s waist, face pressed to his stomach. Xie Lian smiles fondly at him, the hand not in his hair tracing up and down his side. He really could stay forever, just like this. Unfortunately, voices in the hall seem to be getting closer, and he moves to drag a blanket over his San Lang. For reasons he doesn’t really want to examine, the thought of whoever’s out there seeing his ghost like this fills Xie Lian with dread.
“-just want to let that sentimental fool know that he should be fine.” A familiar voice says.
“Lord Black Water, I really don’t think he’d like to be disturbed at the moment.” Ah, poor Yin Yu.
“He can go back to jerking off after I tell him he won’t die.”
Well, that’s rude, but also kind of sweet. And they say they aren’t friends.
“I will let him know.” Xie Lian raises his voice just enough to be heard through the door.
“Your Highness?!” Both shout in unison.
“Shh! He’s sleeping. Poor thing, must be exhausting to have his essence go through all that.”
He Xuan lets out a very undignified squawk, mutters something about not wanting any more information, before his presence vanishes. Yin Yu also wisely walks away from the door very quickly thereafter, but not without offering a congratulations on the relationship.
The next few days pass much the same. The movement of the ring occasionally brings Hua Cheng to his knees, and he’s always quickly whisked away deal with it and get his hair petted. It is the most fun he’s had in centuries. They’re both almost disappointed when the ring is finally back around Xie Lian’s neck.
“Hey gege, wanna get married?”
“Well, I already have the ring,” Xie Lian giggles, “Yes, my love. I would like that very much."