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Terezi: RECOLLECT

Summary:

For a seer and a knight, the answers to difficult questions might be found in the depths of the meteor. A what-if seeing how Terezi: Remem8er might have played out differently.

Notes:

Thanks to tumblr user evidently-unaware for helping me edit this.

Work Text:

They all took turns watching the fridge. Nominally, it was to make sure there wasn’t an escape, but Karkat didn’t think it was really that big of a concern. The kitchen appliance that acted as Gamzee’s prison showed no signs of breaking, no matter how much the clown had struggled. More than anything, Karkat went down there to talk.

It was always a one sided conversation. The juggalo was gagged with one of his own clown horns, so his only responses were a variety of muffled honking sounds. Still, it felt better than talking to himself, and Karkat felt he owed it to his moirail. Or would it be former moirail? Do good moirails lock their partner up semi-permanently in the far-off recesses of their meteor home-slash-transport for the safety of themselves and their friends? Karkat had no idea. That subject was an unfortunately underexplored topic in his literary background. Regardless of whether it was right or not, though, they talked. Gamzee always seemed just a bit calmer when he was there, and as odd as it was to for him to admit to himself, it gave Karkat a measure of comfort as well. It was a safe place to talk through issues on this at times all-too-intimate meteor. Honks couldn’t spread rumors, didn’t reveal secrets that needed keeping. It gave him a chance to figure out what he was doing before there were too many consequences. Today, that’s what he needed.

KARKAT: THAT’S JUST IT, IT’S NOT LIKE THINGS ARE GOING BAD, PER SE. IT’S MORE LIKE I’M REMINDING MYSELF OF HOW PAST ME SCREWED THINGS UP. WHICH ISN’T EXACTLY THAT HARD, BECAUSE THAT ASSHOLE COULDN’T SO MUCH AS BLINK WITHOUT SCREWING SOMETHING UP.
GAMZEE: HONK
KARKAT: I DON'T NEED TO TALK TO PAST ME TO KNOW HE WAS A WITLESS HALF-SHAT PILE OF HOOFBEAST MANURE, BECAUSE BACK THEN HE WAS ME. SO I NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DEAL WITH THINGS WITH DAVE NOW BEFORE IT TURNS INTO THE SAME SHITSHOW I WENT THROUGH WITH TEREZI.
GAMZEE: HONK
TEREZI: *4H3M*

Despite Terezi’s attempts to make her presence known, Karkat flung himself backwards like a frightened kitten, weapon half-readied to defend himself against the cloaked girl as he scrambled for space. The plush dragon head of her hood was pulled down low over her face, hiding unseeing eyes.

TEREZI: TH1S 1S WHY 1 C4N'T T3LL 4NYON3 TH4T W3 4R3 COOL, K4RK4T
TEREZI: TH1S R1GHT H3R3
KARKAT: OH FUCK YOU TOO, PYROPE. IT IS EXTREMELY *COOL* TO TAKE A DEFENSIVE POSITION WHEN YOU’RE AMBUSHED.
TEREZI: 4MBUSH? WHY, 1 JUST W4NT3D TO KNOW WH4T K1ND OF “SH1TSHOW” YOU WOULD 4CCUS3 M3 OF >:[

Karkat began to shake his head and flail his arms, wildly gesticulating as if a fervent enough gesture could fan away his previous words.

KARKAT: OH NO I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT
KARKAT: UH
TEREZI: C4LM DOWN, 1 KNOW WH4T YOU M34NT
TEREZI: G3TT1NG 4 R1S3 OUT OF YOU 1S L1K3 T4K1NG C4NDY FROM 4 B4BY >:]
TEREZI: 4NYW4Y, TH4T’S NOT WHY 1 C4M3 DOWN H3R3
TEREZI: 4CTU4LLY, 1 W4S HOP1NG YOU COULD DO M3 4 F4VOR
KARKAT: A FAVOR? WHAT KIND OF A FAVOR ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE?
TEREZI: W3LL, W1TH 3V3RYTH1NG GO1NG ON, 1 H4D SOM3 1D34S ON HOW TO US3 MY S33R POW3RS TH4T 1 W4NT3D TO TRY OUT
KARKAT: SO YOU WANT ME TO BE YOUR LITTLE LAB-SQUEAKBEAST? PLAY AROUND WITH MY BRAIN? I’M GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE THAT A BIG FUCK NO.
TEREZI: 1 DON'T N33D 4 T3ST SUBJ3CT, YOU DOOFUS. 1'D B3 US1NG TH3M ON MYS3LF
TEREZI: 1 W4S JUST TH1NK1NG 4BOUT HOW TO GO 4BOUT 4CTU4LLY DO1NG TH1S, 4ND 4PP4R3NTLY YOU'R3 TH3 B3ST P3RSON TO H3LP M3 OUT
KARKAT: NOW HOLD ON RIGHT THERE. WOULDN'T YOU GET MORE HELP FROM SOMEONE LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, ANOTHER SEER? LALONDE PROBABLY HAS A BETTER GRASP ON THIS SHIT THAN I DO. HELL, VRISKA WOULD PROBABLY DO MORE GOOD, SHE COULD DO SOME KIND OF BULLSHIT LIKE GIVING YOU A TON OF LUCK OR SOMETHING, RIGHT? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO ACTUALLY BE DOING HERE?
TEREZI: 1T W4SN'T 3X4CTLY CL34R, BUT M4YB3 1T'S SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT BLOOD?
KARKAT: THEN GO TALK TO KANAYA, SHE’S ALL ABOUT BLOOD NOW. PROBABLY KNOWS MORE THAN I EVER DID ABOUT IT. I DON’T EVEN THINK I EVER ACTUALLY DID ANYTHING THAT COULD EVEN BE CONFUSED FOR USING MY POWERS.
TEREZI: YOU KNOW, 1 W4S T4LK1NG TO K4NKR1...
KARKAT: WERE YOU TRYING TO PUT YOURSELF TO SLEEP? BECAUSE NEWS FLASH, YOU WERE ALREADY SLEEPING IF YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM.
GAMZEE: HONKHONKHONK
TEREZI: SHUSH
TEREZI: 1 4DM1T TH4T 1T W4S MOR3 L1K3 1 W4S OV3RH34R1NG WH4T H3 W4S T4LK1NG 4BOUT
TEREZI: BUT H3 W4S T3LL1NG SOM3ON3 TH4T 4PP4R3NTLY BLOOD 1S 4LL 4BOUT M4K1NG TH1NGS WORK TOG3TH3R, OR SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T?
TEREZI: 1 W4SN'T P4Y1NG V3RY CLOS3 4TT3NT1ON, OBV1OUSLY
TEREZI: 1F H3 ST1LL H4D TO BR34TH3, 1 WOULD B3 1MPR3SS3D 4T HOW LONG H3 C4N T4LK
TEREZI: 4NYW4YS, YOUR SHOUT1NG K3PT 4LL OF US FROM K1LL1NG 34CH OTH3R MOR3 TH4N ONC3, 1F 1 R3M3MB3R R1GHT
TEREZI: 4ND 1 DO
TEREZI: SO QU1T B31NG SUCH 4 S4D S4CK 4ND G1V3 M3 4 H4ND H3R3!
KARKAT: FINE, LET’S GET THIS OVER WITH, THEN. WHAT DO YOU NEED ME TO DO?
TEREZI: 1'M NOT SUR3, 1'M FLY1NG BL1ND H3R3, H3H3
TEREZI: 1'M SUR3 YOU'LL M4K3 1T WORK THOUGH >:]

The pair sat down on the floor, legs crossed. Terezi, face still hidden behind a bulbous fabric nose, put her hands on her knees and began taking measured breaths. A pale green glow slowly began to emanate from the Seer, growing in size and intensity until almost seeming to fill the room. After a few minutes, Karkat saw her fingers digging into her knees, heard her breath grow forced and ragged, and shortly after noticed the teal-tinted tears peeking out from under her hood. Without thinking, he placed his hand atop hers, feeling his pulse quickening as he saw the subtle red glow outlining his arm expanding out and drawing in the green before extinguishing itself. A moment passed by the two in silence before Karkat took back his hand and pushed himself up slowly, a look of shock on his face.

KARKAT: ...DID YOU SEE THAT? THAT MEANS IT WORKED, RIGHT? I MEAN, I DID IT. THAT HAD TO HAVE WORKED.
TEREZI: ...
KARKAT: IT DID WORK, DIDN’T IT?
TEREZI: ...
KARKAT: ...TEREZI?
TEREZI: ...*S1GH* 1T D1DN'T WORK, K4RK4T

Terezi stood to face Karkat, defeat leaving her deflated.

TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG'S ST1LL M1SS1NG
KARKAT: GIVEN THAT NOT ALL OF US CAN READ PEOPLE’S MINDS , I’M GOING TO NEED YOU TO ELABORATE ON THAT FOR ME. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
TEREZI: 1 W4S TRY1NG TO R3M3MB3R WH4T 1 D1D, B4CK B3FOR3 JOHN CH4NG3D 3V3RYTH1NG
TEREZI: 1 F33L L1K3 1'M M1SS1NG SOM3TH1NG
TEREZI: L1K3 1'M 4FR41D OF WH4T'S GO1NG ON 1N MY OWN M1ND, OF 4LL TH3 CONS3QU3NC3S
TEREZI: 1F 1T W3R3N'T FOR VR1SK4, 1 WOULDN'T 3V3N TH1NK 1T W4S POSS1BL3 TO TRUST YOURS3LF L1K3 TH4T
TEREZI: 4ND S331NG YOU 4ND D4V3, K4N4Y4 4ND ROS3
TEREZI: 1T'S L1K3 YOU 4LL...
TEREZI: COPML3T3 34CH OTH3R?
TEREZI: VR1SK4 H4S K3PT M3 GO1NG, BUT 1 C4N T3LL
TEREZI: SH3 TH1NKS 1'M W34K FOR N33D1NG H3R L1K3 TH1S
TEREZI: SO 1 THOUGHT, M4YB3 1F 1 COULD R3M3MB3R WH4T SH3...WH4T 1 D1D, 1 COULD F33L L1K3 1 W4S WHOL3
TEREZI: TH4T M4YB3 1 COULD F33L R1GHT 1F 1 COULD JUST R3M3MB3R WHO 1 W4S
TEREZI: BUT 1T D1DN'T WORK
TEREZI: M4YB3 1F 1 S4W MOR3 B3FOR3 YOU 1NT3RRUPT3D 1T
TEREZI: 1 R3M3MB3R3D 4 L1TTL3 OF WH4T H4PP3N3D, JUST FOR 4 MOM3NT.
TEREZI: BUT 1T'S ST1LL M1SS1NG
KARKAT: ...
TEREZI: 1T’S NOT YOUR F4ULT, BL4M3 TH3S3 STUP1D M1ND POW3RS
KARKAT: (hehe)
TEREZI: WH4T >:?
KARKAT: HAHAHAHAHAHA. AND HERE I THOUGHT YOU HAD AN ACTUAL PROBLEM OR SOMETHING.
KARKAT: VRISKA THINKS YOU’RE WEAK? NO FUCKING SHIT, TROLL EINSTEIN! WOW ME WITH SOME OTHER STUNNING REVELATION THAT NOBODY ELSE HAS FIGURED OUT YET, OH MASTER OF DEDUCTION.
KARKAT: VRISKA THINKS EVERYBODY IS WEAK, HERSELF INCLUDED, BECAUSE SHE’S A HEARTLESS FUCKING BITCH. SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED SOMEBODY LIKE THAT TO GET THINGS DONE. TO FORCE A CHANGE, EVEN IF IT’S FOR THE WORSE, JUST TO GET THINGS MOVING.
KARKAT: SHE PRETENDS LIKE NOTHING GETS TO HER, BUT WHEN SHE THINKS NOBODY’S WATCHING? YOU CAN BET SHE’S JUST LIKE THE REST OF US.
KARKAT: I MEAN, DID YOU JUST NOT GET THE MEMO ABOUT HOW WE’RE ALL FUCKED UP? I CAN’T REMEMBER IF SOMEONE PUT IT UP IN THE FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY OR ONE OF MY IMMACULATE EXAMPLES OF HOW TO SHOUT AT YOURSELF AND GET NOTHING DONE. I WOULDN’T SUGGEST SEARCHING TOO HARD THOUGH, THE MEMO IS METAPHORICAL.
KARKAT: NONE OF US HAVE OUR SHIT TOGETHER. NONE OF US ARE “COMPLETE”.
KARKAT: OH, NO NO NO NO NO. IT’S NOT LIKE WE’RE ALL PRANCING ABOUT IN SOME NICE SHADED FAIRY-TALE TROLL DISNEY AMUSEMENT ZONE OF SELF ASSURANCE.
KARKAT: YOU SAW WHAT LALONDE ALMOST GOT HERSELF INTO WITH THOSE WEIRD HUMAN SOPORIFICS. BECAUSE SHE WAS NERVOUS ABOUT KANAYA.
KARKAT: DOES THAT REALLY STRIKE YOU AS THE COURSE OF ACTION THAT SOMEONE THAT’S RIGHT IN THEIR FUCKING PAN WOULD TAKE? NO, IT DOESN’T.
KARKAT: OR LOOK AT ME AND DAVE.
KARKAT: SURE, DAVE GIVES ME SOMETHING I’M MISSING. AND IT’S...NICE, FEELING ACCEPTED LIKE THAT WITHOUT QUESTION. BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN THAT’S THE END OF THE STORY FOR ME. THAT PAJAMA-WEARING ASSHOLE DIDN’T JUST SWOOP INTO THE SCENE AND PULL ME OUT FROM THE METAPHORICAL LAVA AND MAKE EVERYTHING PERFECT OR SOME BULLSHIT LIKE THAT. I MEAN, I CAN’T EVEN FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS WE GIVE EACH OTHER.
KARKAT: IS HE MY MATESPRIT? IS HE MY KISMESIS? MY MOIRAIL? I CAN’T FUCKING TELL. THAT’S WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT EARLIER, WHEN YOU WALKED IN ON MY ILLICIT FEELINGS JAM WITH GAMZEE. IT DOESN’T FIT INTO ANY ONE QUADRANT, BECAUSE I’M BROKEN OR SOME KIND OF BULLSHIT LIKE THAT. I CAN’T DECIDE HOW I WANT TO LOVE HIM, JUST LIKE I CAN’T DECIDE HOW I LOVE YOU.
KARKAT: SO DON’T GO THINKING--

Karkat cut himself off mid-sentence, his mind catching up to his mouth. His head ducked down, reflexively trying to hide rapidly reddening cheeks as if his life still depended on it.

KARKAT: UH, I MEAN COULDN’T. BACK THEN. DURING THE GAME. I MEAN, THAT’S NOT--
TEREZI: SHUT UP

Karkat flinched as if he had been struck, unable to bring his eyes from the floor. Terezi took a step towards him, running her fingers through his hair until she could wrap her thumbs around the base of his horns. Gently, she pulled his head up, leaving a kiss on his forehead before bringing him eye-to-eye. Now that he wasn’t trying to hide, Karkat couldn’t help but see Terezi’s face flushing teal. Terezi pulled one hand back to tap herself on the temple.

TEREZI: 1 KNOW WH4T YOU M34NT
TEREZI: STUP1D M1ND POW3RS, R3M3MB3R?

Karkat felt his own face begin to burn hotter, and began to stutter out a confused protest before being cut off again.

TEREZI: SO S331NG 4S 1’M ST1LL TRY1NG TO F1GUR3 OUT 4LL OF...TH1S

Terezi gestured at nothing as she spoke.

KARKAT: YYYYES...?
TEREZI: 4ND S331NG 4S YOU’R3 4LR34DY TRY1NG TO F1GUR3 OUT YOU 4ND D4V3...

Karkat held his breath, knowing what was coming. He nodded slowly, forgetting she wouldn't see him.

TEREZI: ...DO YOU W4NT TO S33 1F W3 C4N F1GUR3 OUT...US?
KARKAT: ...
KARKAT: ...
KARKAT: ...
TEREZI: SORRY, 1--
KARKAT: PPPPFFFUUUUUUHHHHHHHH.....WHEEEEEEEEEEEZE....
TEREZI: >:?
KARKAT: SORRY, I FORGOT THAT YOU CAN’T SPEAK WITHOUT BREATHING FOR A SECOND THERE.
TEREZI: OH GOD, YOU DUMMY >:[
KARKAT: SHUT IT, PYROPE. I WAS JUST TRYING TO REMEMBER THE BEST WAY TO AGREE TO THAT AND LOST TRACK OF A FEW OTHER THINGS IN THE PROCESS.
KARKAT: JUST GIVE ME A SECOND, OKAY?
TEREZI: HOW 4BOUT 1 DON’T
KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK NOT?
TEREZI: TH1NK 4BOUT WH4T YOU JUST S41D
KARKAT: ...DAMMIT.
TEREZI: ...DO3S TH4T M34N YOU’R3 CH4NG1NG YOUR M1ND?
KARKAT: NO!
TEREZI: GOOD!
TEREZI: THEN L3T'S GO F1ND D4V3, 1 TH1NK TH3 THR33 OF US H4V3 SOM3 C4TCH1NG UP TO DO
TEREZI: JUST DON'T GO TRY1NG TO SCH3DUL3 3V3RYTH1NG OUT FOR 4LL OF US, OK4Y?
KARKAT: YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME TO DO THAT, DON’T LIE. EVEN IF IT’S JUST TO SEE DAVE THROW A FIT OVER IT, YOU WANT MY PERFECTLY INTERLOCKING LINES. DON’T EVEN TRY TO DENY IT.
KARKAT: WERE YOU THERE THE FIRST TIME I TRIED THAT? RATIONING OUT CAN TOWN TIME? HE THOUGHT I WAS TRYING TO DRAW A FUCKING SHIPPING GRID FOR THE MAYOR. THE MAYOR!
TEREZI: H3H3H3, 1S TH4T WHY DOWNTOWN GOT R3MOD3L3D?

Karkat and Terezi made their way up the stairs and back towards the common areas of the meteor, both of them smiling ear to ear. Neither of them heard the rattle behind them as the fridge kicked once.

GAMZEE: HONK :o)