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Robby knows he’s loved. Deep in his soul, he knows that should something happen to him, the people he loved fiercely and unapologetically will miss him, mourn him, and that he will leave a in their lives that Robby never wants to leave. He knows that he is loved and they are not going anywhere, even though he was the one trying to shove them away.
Robby knows that they will not leave him behind.
The guilt still eats away at him with a flash of Jack’s smile, with the way Penny holds his hand while they walk, at the way Audie reaches for him while crying, while Dennis wears his sweatshirt. It eats away at him when Tanner tells him all about his day, and the way Theo calls him Aba with unrelenting conviction.
But most of all, the guilt of it all eats away at him on nights like this, watching his family play in the back yard while Jack grills and Dennis is setting the patio table playfully arguing with Jack, and Frank is sitting next to Robby in silence.
His touch is warm, Frank’s fingers interlocked with Robby’s, resting his head on his shoulder like it’s the most natural thing in the world, radiating contentment and overwhelming but quiet love. His love for their family.
His love for him.
“What are you thinking about?”
Robby has no words. There are no words to be found for the guilt, the sorrow, the regret, the love, the hope, all knotted in his chest. He sits in silence.
“It’s okay, Michael.”
His breath is shaky at Frank's unshakable statement. “We are okay.”
“Frank-” He tries. Robby tries desperately to say everything, to apologise all over again, to say how much he loves the man next to him, how he would change everything, not how they ended up together but how they got there.
Frank’s palm is a steady balm against Robby’s spiralling thoughts, directing Robby’s attention to Frank, physically turning his head. Robby can feel himself stop breathing.
“We’re all right here. We’re not leaving.”
The words come out in a hoarse and cracked whisper. “I’ve missed so much.”
A part of Robby will always hate himself for not being there for Frank’s pregnancy and for not supporting Dennis, to be there when Frank bonded with Theo, the birth of what they are now.
“You have.” Frank agreed just as sadly. It will always hurt, not just for Robby but for Frank as well. “But there is so much that you won’t. So much more.”
Robby knows he doesn’t deserve this forgiveness, but he clings to it anyway. “Thank you.”
"I love you, you know that, right? We all love you.”
All he can do is nod.
“Aba!” Tanner’s yell cuts through the moment “We found a bug! It looks slimy!”
“So slimy!” Penny contributed, the pair squating in the grass and looking at where Robby assumes the bug in question is.
“Don’t touch it,” Jack commands.
“You know all they’re going to want to do is touch it now.” Dennis points out knowingly, bot serious and teasing Jack at the same time, getting a look from the older man.
“Robby, get over there and save that bug from our pups.”
Robby is already starting to stand, squeezing Frank’s hand before letting go. “Isn’t it Dennis’ turn?”
“Aba, there’s ‘nother one!” Penny shrieks happily.
“No Penny, no touch, remember.” Robby can hear Jack, Dennis, and Frank continue to talk behind him as he goes to save what turns out to be two snails from the chaos of his children, and Robby loves every minute of it.
Jack wakes up alone in the cold bed, to a distinct lack of noise that feels more and more wrong over the years. It’s been three days of purposeful isolation. Three days of sleeping in the bed that had so many mixed memories of what used to be Robby’s apartment. Three days of memories and regrets, plagued by nightmares and pain that never truly faded. Jack hated that he was here, hated the fact he was broken, and hated the fact he didn’t trust himself around his family.
He would never hurt them, but he never wanted the pups to see him like this, to expose Tanner and Penny, who were older and more aware, even at their small ages, to his PTSD episodes, to show them that side of himself, not yet. He doesn’t want Frank and Robby to re-live his darker days and see the doubt in Dennis’ eyes with regard to Jack.
By letting Jack be around Theo.
The knock at the door startles him. He’s still putting on a shirt when Frank’s voice calls out, the man warm and smelling of home. Jack doesn’t put on his prosthetic, grabs his crutch and walks into the living area to be greeted by the sight of his mate, wearing Jack’s clothes and Theo in his arms.
“Hi.” Frank’s soft smile stirs something deep and old in Jack’s stomach, to pure and too good, and Jack is selfish for more.
“Hi.” He doesn’t move, feeling more lost than he’s comfortable with. “What are you doing here?”
Jack knows nothing has happened because he’s checking his phone religiously, and someone would have texted or called.
“I talked to Dennis.”
Oh.
“I’m not asking you to talk to us,” Frank shakes his head, learning when to push and when not to. “But I am asking you to hold your pup.”
Jack doesn’t understand. “I-”
Frank blows out a breath and runs a hand through his dark locks before closing the distance between them. “Just, just answer me this, please, is this PTSD, or do you need complete space?”
Jack knows what Frank is really asking, and it breaks his heart. For a brief second, he found himself more than happy to strangle Robby for making the man they loved so completely doubt.
“Just PTSD. I don’t want the pups to see…It’s just…”
Frank places a soft and loving kiss on Jack’s lips. “The only reason Dennis isn’t here is that he’s working; he would be here himself with Theo.”
Frank doesn’t let Jack pull away, and Jack is grateful for it.
“He trusts you. He trusts you every day, with himself and with his child. Our child. Dennis knows that you love him as much as Tanner, Penny, and Audie and always will. There is nothing you can do that will make him keep you away from Theo.”
Jack doesn’t have words, and Frank is silently passing the little boy over. He’s just learned to walk and is growing too fast for Jack’s liking. His relationship with Theo is different from that with his other children. He loves each of them deeply and fiercely, and there is no distinction between his love for his first or his last, or Audie, compared to the others.
But his relationship with Theo is different; Theo is different. Theo makes him slow down, to take a step back and take a breath. Not because the pup is difficult or hard, but because Theo is slow and curious. Theo is calm and steady and sometimes feels like his soul has seen too much, has dealt with too much, for only learning how to walk.
Jack sees too much of himself in Theo, both good and bad, and it makes Jack want to hold him closer still.
“Hi buddy.” Jack leans on one crutch, taking the little boy with the other. Theo says nothing, just resting his head in complete trust against Jack.
“You don’t play fair, kid. Learned it from your Momma.”
“Pretty sure he learned it from Dennis.” Frank objected. “Do you want me to stay for a bit, or want me to go?”
Jack can only look at Frank. “I’ll be back in an hour.” Frank places a kiss to Theo’s head, the little boy letting out a grunt at the action, and once again his lips are soft and perfect against Jack's.
“Come home when you’re ready, and I’ll be back in an hour.”
“Did you really just bring me Thee so I wouldn’t get lonely?” Jack cracked, supremely glad Frank did.
“I accidentally dressed him like you again, figured you would want to see him in person.” Frank teased, grabbing his keys and heading towards the door with a smile. Jack texts a picture of himself and Theo and sends it to the group chat.
Dennis leaves a pink heart, and Jack feels some of the tension he’s been carrying dissolve.
Dennis is slowly working on putting the insecurity behind him, moving farther and farther away from the way he feels when he looks in the mirror and closer and closer to the actual truth of his life, but he isn’t there yet.
He knows how he presents, how he’s smaller than his mates, with large eyes and what Trinity once called a delicate face. Dennis is aware that he can present more as an omega or a beta than an alpha, despite the quietly growing authority he’s carrying around or the gained confidence that comes with time, and is starting to settle in his bones.
Dennis is perfectly aware that’ he’s an alpha, that he’s apart from his peers, not because of his designation but because, despite being closer to thirty than he is twenty, he already has a pack, has mates and a house full of pups. He’s beginning to act older, has more experiences under his belt as he grows stronger, more solid and upright.
Victoria is convinced that Dennis will be the one stepping into Robby’s shoes when the time comes, and he has already taken a couple of med students under his wing. Jack and Robby say he’s a natural, and McKay has made more than one comment, none of them unkind.
Dennis knows all of this, but it doesn’t help when he sees Frank, standing there bathed in sunlight, laughing brightly at something Tanner or Penny said from the play area of the park, looking absolutely breathtaking. Frank confessed to Dennis once and only once that there are days Frank hates that he doesn’t look like a stereotypical omega, that he’s tall and hairy, and not some dainty thing, and Dennis falls a little more in love.
Dennis must catch Frank’s eye because suddenly the older man is looking over at the alpha, and that smile that illuminates his whole face changes. It doesn’t dim or fall; it’s blinding and makes Frank glow, but now it’s directed at Dennis because of Dennis.
He wastes no time getting where he needs to get, crossing the grass until he’s standing next to Frank, slipping his arm around his waist as it belongs there, and he feels Frank relax against him.
It never stops feeling right.
“Theo with Teddy’s parents?”
“Yeah, just for the afternoon,” Dennis murmured, letting himself sink against Frank.
Dennis made sure to do his best to keep Theo’s grandparents in his life as much as they wanted to be in it. They don’t visit, and an afternoon is rare for them, not because they don’t like Theo or disapprove but because it’s still too painful, their loss still too great.
They call, though, and send gifts and cards and not just for Theo. They try.
Things with Amy’s parents turned ugly, fast, painfully so after her death. They will never see Theo grow up. Dennis was in no way upset about it. His parents tried, but they were too far, too distant. Frank’s parents were the real grandparents.
“Daddy!” Penny called from the top of the high slide, addressing Dennis“Look!”
“I’m looking Lolo!” He called back, finding himself relaxing further, watching her go down the slide.
“Daddy!” Tanner stopped and waved with a yell before going back to playing.
“Used to it yet?”
“Nope,” Dennis admitted, with a little smile. “Don’t think I ever will be.” Frank gave a hum.
“Well, get used to it, man.” He deadpeanned. “You’re kind of stuck with it. They come with the territory of being my alpha.”
There was something in Frank’s voice that drew Dennis’ attention, low and deep. “Your alpha?”
“Mmmmhmm.” Frank hummed, smile slipping into a cross between a self-satisfied smirk and something a little softer, giving Dennis a once-over before turning his attention back to the play area.
“And as soon as we get home, and I can pawn our children on one of their other alphas, I’m going to prove it.”
Dennis laughed, already counting down the minutes.
It will not astound Robby, Jack, and Dennis with how little Frank knows how much they love him, how much they can’t live without him, together or separately. How little Frank believes them when they tell him, when they show him that they would break and shatter without him. It’s not every day, sometimes it’s not even every week, but the doubt creeps in, and the worry is there that he’s not enough, and those days are the worst of them all.
Jack is the first to notice it, up before the others, wrecked by nightmares and what ifs. Frank is already on the sofa when Jack finds him too early in the morning, covered by a blanket and wearing one of Robby’s hoodies, half asleep with tear tracks evident on his cheeks.
On his wrists, he wears the brightly colored bracelets made for him by Penny and Tanner, but what kills Jack is the sonogram picture hanging from his fingertips, of the baby he couldn’t save, of the life he would never live.
It’s the anniversary of the start of it all. Not the day Abby and the baby died, but the day Robby and Jack staked their claim in a desperate move just to keep him alive. That was all it was supposed to be, now, though, now it was so much more, and for that, Jack will always be grateful.
"Wha-?”
“Shh, honey,” Jack sooths, running his hands through Frank’s hair. “Just me. Going to go for a run and start breakfast. Want to go back to bed?”
Frank shakes his head. “Okay, sweetie.” Jack places a kiss on Frank’s forehead. “I love you. Try to get some sleep.”
Frank sniffles and nods, closing his eyes once more. It was a date that Robby and Jack made sure to always take off, and fought hard to make sure Dennis got the same day off; sometimes he did, sometimes he ended up working the night shift instead.
It will always be a hard day for Frank.
Robby wraps his arms around Frank, later that morning, strong and safe, pulling the man against his chest and placing a kiss on his shoulder, everyone still in their pyjamas, even though it was now mid-morning. They don’t talk, just stand there in the middle of the sun-filled hall, re-living the memories of the times they can never change.
“I would do it again.”
Robby’s voice breaks the silence. “If I knew this is where we end up, that I get to love you, that we would have pups, and I would spend my mornings waking up with you, and going to bed with you and everything in between, I would do it again.”
He can tell Frank doesn’t fully believe him. “Yeah?”
“Always, Frankie and I know you don’t believe me, but always. I love you.”
Frank wipes away a tear. “I love you too.”
Dennis is the next one to say it. It’s not big and dramatic. Dennis is folding laundry, and Frank is studying. The baby monitors are quiet, and Robb and Jack are out with Penny and Tanner running errands, when Dennis says it.
“You’re staring.”
“I am.”
Frank looks up with a curious frown, furrowing his eyebrows behind his glasses. “Why?”
“I love you.”
Frank’s blush is deep and immediate, flooding Dennis with affection even as he sees the disbelief in Frank’s blue eyes. Jack and Robby warned him, but it was different seeing it firsthand.
“Oh…um, me too.”
“I know.”
He dodges the pillow Frank throws at him with a small smile, and the pair go back to their individual tasks.
It’s Jack who doesn’t say it at all. It’s Jack who knows the words will never be enough on days like today, and it’s Jack who holds him in the dark of the night as Frank cries into his chest, the sonogram picture once again in his hand, and it’s Jack who will continue to hold Frank through everything.
It’s Jack who will put Frank back together in the morning with a tender kiss and a soft “You are my everything” over their first cup of coffee, both tired and still crusty with sleep, looking far from perfect, and in the morning, Frank won’t fully believe it, but he’ll be one step closer.
For now, just holding Frank as he mourns is enough. They fall asleep like that and in the morning Frank is a little better, a little brighter as he pulls Jack into a sleepy kiss, both still with morning breath, where they lie tangled together in their ridiculous Alaskan king bed.
“I love you.”
And Jack believes him.